Tag: Love

Episode 158 ~An Air Of Will~

WillLeave a comment

Ball gags, panties, and girls to wear them that is me being nice because I want people to shut up for a while, my anxiety spiked today, and it was like I couldn’t breathe, and what was it I wanted in that moment, who knows. “An Air Of Will”

Thursday, December 6, 2018

Episode 158 ~An Air Of Will~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
How To Make One Million Dollars, want it more than anything else; one of my favorite Motivations is when Eric Thomas, retells the story of Socrates, saying that when you want to succeed as bad as you want that next breath, you’ll be successful. I also remember the Hentai “Isaku” where one of the male leads speaks about what he’s willing to do to have what he wants and considering what he and Isaku do to their victims… there aren’t words.

Well yeah, there are but none I’m in the mood to say despite the WARNING if anything I only wish people would shut up at the moment and while I consider communication a factor to good sex, well part of being a Dom, is the ability to read a submissive. Honestly, BDSM is a lot of paperwork and then Green, Yellow, Red, unless we’re talking about “No Safeword” by Claire Thompson, talk about Dominant goals. Better yet talk about reading goals, that’s what I’m missing right now, delving into literature, again with the Motivations, one said that Bill Gates reads a book a week; if anything that’s what I want.

No Dirty Diana, you would say all I want to do is sleep, one more reason I would prefer a submissive that isn’t a masochist… those tendencies sure, but the worst thing you can do to a masochist is ignoring them. On days like this I would be too wrapped up in my pain, and while I’m not attempting to make Christian Grey out as a decent role model, the sadist in me, making someone feel an iota of the hurt that I endure and then resting in it accepting it. Yeah, I’m not looking for the answer, I want the silence but within it, the tears that I’m not supposed to cry, those breaths I can’t seem to catch, the shading I can’t see on my face, how idiots would say I tried blushing.

Christian was reliving his childhood through his submissives, women who reminded him of his mother; my mom is powerful, intelligent, a survivor; hmm and usually quite apologetic for the men in her life, she would apologize for my “father” forever. My mom could never tell anyone how he hurt her and while I’ll never be a man that harms women as he did, my ravishment fantasies, wanting someone that can shut the hell up under duress, An Air Of Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 156 ~Love Can’t Will Time~

WillLeave a comment

Honestly, it’s not NaNoWriMo making me cry, but I have been so out of it lately, and today I wanted to break down; I swear a shoulder, a lap, in a minute I’ll be like “B III” looking for comfy spots on the anatomy. Love Can’t Will Time

Tuesday, December 4, 2018

Episode 156 ~Love Can’t Will Time~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, I wish there were time, but I’m too busy making it for someone else which is why I want it so badly, not the money, but the time it takes, can you imagine, especially in these last two months? I can’t be sure about the saying money Can’t Buy Me Love, and I’m not saying you’re Gold Digger (am I dead yet) what I mean is if there were time and there are days I work so hard for a dollar…

I would love you like Bedlam, Pandemonium, the walls of my skull because I would need you to wrap me up in your arms, to have my back, to stay by my side, to keep me in, more than your thoughts and prayers though you are the one person I might believe. Love in itself is a form of insanity, and I hope I never recover but at the same time, the things that are known to hearts and minds, to the soul, people talk about love in terms of forever, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, did I mention I’m a traditionalist? You see love doesn’t have to tell time because it is always there but as I said today, why can’t I be, my head hurts, my heart feels on the verge of shattering, I don’t want to move, my eyes say the soul needs a rest day now.

I want to love you like one of my novels, You’re My Latest Greatest Inspiration, and sometimes I’m going to think you’re the best thing ever, and I can’t wait to tell you anything and everything. Other times I don’t understand anything at all, and I’ll kick myself because I know I should do better and I’m going to look at us and set my alarm for later, I’m going to starve, I’ll count every minute because I can’t go to bed with us like this. As one of my motivations says, greatness takes a lifetime commitment, and that’s what I want for us, this is what I’m willing to give but to love you and to live, how I need more time, more tries, to figure out why having two opposable thumbs makes me wise somehow or another.

Evolution, man, lover, husband, father and then there are times I want to be a boy standing in front of a girl asking her to love him, and sometimes that will be easy and other times like today… I can see more hard days on the horizon but it doesn’t take all day to recognize sunshine as John said in Fear The Walking Dead, finding love even in the apocalypse, so Love Can’t Will Time.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 151 ~Buttons, Zippers, Tied Will~

WillLeave a comment

Buttons, Zippers, Tentacles, oh my did I finish one more novel tonight, but I don’t pay for sex, maybe some women will… am I that confident that my book will sell? “Buttons, Zippers, Tied Will,” nope not honestly but my hands are free now.

Thursday, November 29, 2018

Episode 151 ~Buttons, Zippers, Tied Will~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
How To Make One Million Dollars, how much do women get to take their clothes off, whatever it is, they probably make more than their male counterparts and talk about a job I would do for free. Tonight though the only buttons that I’m taking apart are my laptop’s and with another Fifty Thousand words in the hole, I’m surprised this thing hasn’t fallen apart much like my sanity for No Nut November, a failure right?

Not NaNoWriMo though, after I mean, clearing my mind I finished the last nine hundred words and I couldn’t zip my lips from bragging about it, even now I’m thinking about all the ladies I wish would open up, the MILF, this portrait I’ve become obsessed with, a fellow writer that I know. Seriously I need some handcuffs, but I would use them for all the wrong reasons; as you know, I’m not one for leather or even rope. Fucking with clothes on or using a girl’s clothing in some exciting ways, panty gags, tied up with bras, and why I continuously attest to being a breast man, hiking up skirts and dresses, nice legs… Yeah my BDSM tendencies aren’t going anywhere, one more thing about being in control, which is why I’m a writer, I have one word for you, “Tentacles,” to this day I still remember how I discovered Hentai, Princess Ayeka *drools*

A guy can dream can’t he and isn’t that what I’m doing because who am I to say what erotica does to women… that’s something worth looking up beside other things men are always looking to press women on, publishing, in their bachelor pads, and making porn. Maybe it’s the fact that it’s getting so cold outside, you know I’m only looking forward to Winter for one reason, and yeah I won’t be pressing so many buttons late into the night, at least not these anyway. Lately, every button I’ve pressed has been something terrible, my novel, a can of bug spray, cutting on the defroster in the car because yes I drive yet one more ice cube these days.

Zippers are no good, my coat, bags of candy, and when I do have to put on my jeans I won’t be going anywhere fun, but I’m going to see what movies are playing anyway because I’ve got the time. Well, maybe not if I expect to make that million dollars and already I have to spend money on my clothes, my winner’s T-shirt, a new hoodie, nothing that makes the panties drop because, Dirty Diana, Buttons, Zippers, Tied Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 149 ~Sea Will, Cue Waterworks~

WillLeave a comment

Last week I was defending the house and this week t should be bedtime, maybe family time, and of course it’s the last week of NaNoWriMo, so yes plenty of writing and no dreams of the beach. Sea Will, Cue Waterworks

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

Episode 149 ~Sea Will, Cue Waterworks~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, because the last thing I’ll be asking you to get me is a beer and I don’t care if you drink… in moderation, if only I could do my writing as such these days. Started From The Bottom now we’re here right, from those days when I was buried in bed sheets or drowning myself with tears with one more book, and I know you wish I were here more honestly.

Sitting on the beach with my laptop watching you and the children play in the waves; a woman that dares me to be brave because of all the apocalypses I’ve written about none of them have involved the deep blue sea, and of course, you know why that is. Hopefully, you won’t find me someday, face down in a bowl of soup or Chowder, I don’t think I’ve ever had that, and again I wouldn’t ask for it. Not even so much for a glass of water but the fact that you would care to bring me one; why is it that I find love so Complicated, yeah sometimes the music helps with my writing, and sometimes you find it annoying or maybe not I’m so lucky you’re caught up.

I remember when talking to you worked up a sweat and not only a deadline; I suppose one day I’ll have some other than the ones I impose on myself, “B III” wondering when’s dinner time, the two-legged kids wanting playtime, and the things you’re up too. When it’s not my novels that have me feeling some weird way, it’s the thought that again I want to stay on this beach, to have enough to afford a yacht, and I enjoy fishing, what about a wine cellar, I barely drink the stuff but being a wealthy writer… It means pouring my blood, sweat, and tears into this but I want to be the man that’s getting you chicken soup when you’re ill, sitting with you asking why Starbucks exist, to toast cold nights with hot cocoa with plenty of marshmallows and some whip cream too.

For now though, it’s an energy shot and you baby girl, are you mad, should I be afraid, and if I were to be a typical man, yes I will work on the bathtub at some point because it’s reminding me of InTown Suites bathrooms… or the day job *shudders*. Now I’m not sure if I honestly do need a drink, chocolate, something dripping in cheese or butter, maybe smothered in gravy, until that day you convince me somehow on our vacation to go Under The Sea Will, Cue Waterworks.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 144 ~Get No Satisfaction, Will~

WillLeave a comment

I can get plenty of food, especially today and I am grateful, my little boy and I aren’t fighting, and the little pests have all found destruction, still a speck here or there but my anxiety & desire… my sweet buttery Jesus. Get No Satisfaction Will

Thursday, November 22, 2018

Episode 144 ~Get No Satisfaction, Will~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
How To Make One Million Dollars, don’t pay for what’s in the middle, no you never pay for the pussy, hearts should never know brokenness, barter, or a price, you don’t look to afford what goes between her lips, comes out of them, or anything to break the silence. Well I didn’t make a million, but I did save with Thanksgiving dinner arriving today, that’s probably something better to be thankful for honestly, my belly is full, my dog is comfortable, and while my motivations say that my comfort zone is my enemy, I’m Feeling Good.

So why aren’t I satisfied, why do I not seek out satisfaction besides Rule 009 “Satisfaction, The Death Of Desire” by the time I have everything I could want I might as well be dead, but I wake up to the teasing every single morning. You remember how I said that when I return to the house, I have fifteen minutes to decompress, to make it as though the day didn’t happen after that I don’t I have to live with anything. Depending on how that goes I either feel an overwhelming sense of shame or clarity of mind, both I find right after a Fapping session, and that is not anything to pure satisfaction.

Not like for “Pay Two Plague” you do remember my NaNoWriMo novel, oh how I would find teasing for writing it but my characters are straight to the point, over 129 ways to satisfy themselves… I am a greedy S.O.B. aren’t I? Even writing and yes this is more Lady Sophia’s thing, but there’s foreplay, I blah the actual sex, and then the aftermath is usually quite the bombshell. I swear I am not good at a one-night stand as the song goes or maybe I don’t believe there is one girl out there that could see all of me and eye all of her through the Eyes of Grace.

Hello and Goodbye, Before and After, it’s the middle that always gets me, the present, one more reason I might dream of the end of the world because when there is nowhere left to go then, I don’t have to ask her to Stay With Me. Like father like son, “B III” isn’t getting any either so what can I tell him, I’m Stuck In The Middle With You right, but a guy can still dream of a great many wants, but at the end of the day admittedly I Can’t Get No Satisfaction, Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 142 ~Will, Defend To Keep~

WillLeave a comment

Last night I swear I heard a crash and I’m rushing to defend my first born with The Walking Dead collection, I can only imagine it would have been a million times worse if I had the rest of my family… but not yet. Will, Defend To Keep.

Tuesday, November 20, 2018

Episode 142 ~Will, Defend To Keep~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, don’t spend all the money on security alarms, ant baits, and guns but wait This Is America and if anything bugs are everywhere but you know I’m honestly a clean freak, you remember every time you came over In The Beginning? Could you call that a bachelor pad; enough room to have a library/”B III’s” Room and a gaming den or movie theater but that’s giving myself too much credit I suppose, but I do enjoy our movie nights as always.

Now I know the kids will see things under beds and hear them in closets, I’ll listen to the Careless Whisper from someone when they watch us, and I would say I’m more of a lover than a “warrior,” still “Triple B” can tell you about us walking and people and animals starting trouble. Speaking of which though, maybe that’s why I spent so much on this big house, rephrase that, on our home, never running away from my family but with these hands, yeah I can put together a coffee table… in two days’ time maybe. Two bookshelves, an entertainment center, cut the grass, kill ant beds, change light bulbs, again me and my OCD with cleaning and whatnot.

You want to know what frightens me; when the phone rings and you have a flat tire, heaven forbid I have an accident with our little ones, dead batteries in cars, even changing the oil. The night the smoke detector goes off, be it a fire or not, the day I hear something crashing like last night and I’m running downstairs with “Lucille” and “Carol’s Bowie” if you don’t get those references then why are we even married… the obscenities I’ll shout when I see one black speck crawling across the floor or tub with a hundred of his closest friends. A King must earn his keep, prove what is his to keep and defend his Keep and last night feeling as though everything was crashing down around me. I suppose that’s why I have a Queen, a reason not to look for an enemy, to worry about the stones that will fly, fall, and find us someday, someone to share all of my concerns.

My baby girl, my love, my wife, it is in my heart you will always stay but can you blame me for needing to protect everything else I love about you, everything of us, showing our Two Princes how a man must behave, my princess how a man should be for her. What does that make me if I can’t, no I will make it, even my “father” *sigh* he looks after what’s his, and my family will always come first so come wind, come wrack, the slings and arrows and outrageous fortune, with you yes, Will, Defend To Keep.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 137 ~An Eye Of Will~

WillLeave a comment

Eyeing my next line, whether it be my finances, the ant invasion, or that sliver of sleep I get before all of a sudden it’s morning again but for now thank goodness the only girls I’m seeing are in my novel. “An Eye Of Will.”

Thursday, November 15, 2018

Episode 137 ~An Eye Of Will~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
How To Make One Million Dollars, don’t blow all your money on the holidays, Halloween’s long gone and Thanksgiving, Black Friday, Christmas, hell I know enough not to waste money buying porn… well, I know that now. Still I wrote witches into my story, and currently, I’m incorporating Alycia Debnam-Carey, Lexi Ainsworth, and Haley Pullos into my novel, apologies ladies, I have a thing for brunettes and Brown Eyed Girl, (I’m aware Alycia has green eyes.)

 

I need something beautiful to look at, well someone, yes the words of my current title are plenty ugly, but I have seen far worse this past couple of days, the death of a great artist R.I.P. Stan Lee, too few hours of sleep, and I swear if I see one more line of ants. Don’t think I’m going to be in the black this year even if I finish my “Harem Erotica” I’m sure I’ve told someone that on more than one occasion, these days are blurring together, but there’s always “Just Another” girl in the morning. Not that “B III” is giving up his spot in the bed anytime soon and I’m sure his dearest human is bugging the hell out of him.

Sex is something that keeps my eyes wide open, but I suppose you have witnessed these past few weeks that all I want to do is close them, let’s meet in the middle and say Eyes Wide Shut” in a way. All my dirty talk which is pretty moronic despite the plethora of Erotica I read I store for “Pay Two Plague” which very few people have had a “positive” opinion of, I swear if Trump can say “grab ’em by the pussy” how horrible am I? I suppose you could ask The MILF, Eileen Kelly, and Angie Varona, more apologies ladies, if only my fantasies outnumber my problems tonight.

I did finish writing sooner than expected but 5-hour ENERGY plus an Adrenaline rush, so many legs and I want to put them all to bed, but “D-Spray” isn’t something you can pick up from the store. Neither are girls like this, I swear Dirty Diana, we’ve gone from brunettes to girls with black hair and now Sabrina Nichole, no I’m not drunk but probably all kinds of high on fucking fumes… had to justify that warning somehow, to keep going An Eye Of Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 135 ~One Reasonable Willing Anesthesia~

WillLeave a comment

As the song goes, you shook me all night long, or several seeing as how it’s NaNoWriMo month, so I’m falling in love with writing, or maybe I should say “it’s complicated, but it’s getting there. One Reasonable Willing Anesthesia.

Tuesday, November 13, 2018

Episode 135 ~One Reasonable Willing Anesthesia~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, well you don’t get anesthesia on how you made the first one or the last one, the middle though can get a little fuzzy; reaching out trying to connect in this California King Bed. My Love, I wish I could start Back At One, sometimes it must feel like I’ve been out all night and to think I can climb back in bed and you would be waiting for me, that the first of December will be here soon enough right?

Do I think that one word will be enough for you while I share fifty thousand? A prisoner in solitary singing Just My Imagination running away with me, as I think about the day we first met and the day, it will be just you and me. So do I forget about everything in-between, not when I’m at the day job, not when the dollars start rolling in, not when I’m across the country, the ocean, or the other side of the world? I could never outrun the love I have for you, but I recreate the universe from home, and here I feel so far away from you, one more reason writing requires nothing more but to sit here and bleed… did I honestly say that, hehe “no regrets.”

Now seeing how I write my novels, notably taking part in another NaNoWriMo, let me say that once upon a time I read the most dangerous thing on Earth is a man with nothing to lose but also it was a woman who was defending her children. I began writing because I needed to find that man and when that was over, I wanted to see that woman, and in doing so, I discovered us, and I know, as always I’m overthinking things. It’s like the one time in four years, (barring professional wrestling) that I get lost in the Olympics, the one time in my daily life (usually 1.5 hours) I want to read, and now this one month.

Usually three counting “Camp NaNoWriMo” I want to write, and the reason I do is always for one, the love of the man I want to be, the love of my art, and For The Love Of You. So I’m not apologizing for this one bestseller, hopefully, several considering, for the one time I forget I’m not “a *ahem* P-I-M-P,” and here I have only realized I write “Harem Romances.” I guess making up for the one woman I love with everything I am, I love you but my writing baby girl this indeed is my One Reasonable Willing Anesthesia.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 130 ~Take My Will Away~

WillLeave a comment

As badly as you want air, that’s one of my concerns, I’m always looking for a reason not to breathe, because sometimes that is the hardest thing to do; I want to give life to some many so no wonder I feel like I’m in outer space. “Take My Will Away.”

Thursday, November 8, 2018

Episode 130 ~Take My Will Away~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
How To Make One Million Dollars, and “when” I do remind me not to blow it all on escorts, sex toys, porno, and erotica literature; money is one of many things that I need to keep my pants, but of course I blew it yesterday. You will have to excuse me if I do not feel that sexy besides fucking up “No Nut November” my son is sick but in recovery mode and is there anything sexier than the angels in my stories and not coming after four paws of fury.

My novel wasn’t exactly blowing me away last night, to be honest, but what happens, happens and somehow or another I’m going to have to capture a second wind, get ready for round two and even now I’m still up in more ways than one. The good thing about not talking so much is the fact that I’m not wasting air, hell Dirty Diana, a dominant’s rule is supposed to be absolute, thus providing more atmosphere for his submissive to perform her tasks and of course scream. Here’s another idea, why is it that the most beautiful things are meant to take your breath away, to give life to them, a feeling of paradise, and let’s say love isn’t exactly known to make people smarter, gibberish writing am I right?

Somehow those people can locate some part of Heaven, something much more significant than themselves and again gives life to those that take their breath away for a moment in time. I already told you before, I’m not feeling sexy time, but I’m writing as always to provide a future, my son needs that, he took my breath away the day he came to be in my world. Has any woman done that lately, for a release here or there my breath has caught in my throat; my son loves life, and he was trying to find fresh air, scary.

I need to give breath to so many things, but it’s getting harder to catch at least one for myself, and maybe that’s because like in American Beauty, there’s so much beauty in the world or stupidity, thinking with the little head instead of the big one. The little one has been getting far too much these last two days, giving into such lusts when what I love is threatened; love Take My Will Away.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 128 ~A Willing Shoulder Please~

WillLeave a comment

As the song goes, put your head on my shoulder, I’m sure plenty of people are doing that tonight, worried about the fate of the country, but I love America, and I’ll love an actual person someday maybe. A Willing Shoulder Please

Tuesday, November 6, 2018

Episode 128 ~A Willing Shoulder Please~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, first off I don’t think you ask for it but is it strange to say it’s a gift; I’ve said before I didn’t like how Aloe Blacc sang that love is the prize and while love may require one to Work, Hustle, Kill, heavy the head that wears the crown. That’s one thing I don’t miss, “trying” to figure us out, and yes I’m always ready to quote Master Yoda, but today I find that love can be as easy as finding the left shoulder to lean on in a way.

Yes, I said left maybe because it’s Election Day and I’m hoping I won’t burst into tears… nah never about politics, probably something more stupid but yes my son will cry and show teeth. So you know when he’s an angel he’s at my left sleeping; when playing a devil, little bit stays to my right, you probably remember this when you first came over and even when there’s love, my first born demands it all, so he sits between us. I can also say with great certainty, that my shoulders are comfortable, two people went to sleep, one during church which is understandable, an another during “Revenge Of The Sith” I’m as amazed as you are my love honestly.

You also know I’m not the most positive man and I don’t mean anxiety (this time), no I might play the Devil but when it comes to all of us “We Are Groot” because sometimes all you need is a few words or none. Maybe I’m thinking of the cross we all have to bear, and again life shouldn’t always be like that, I swear Atlas never had it so good, to hold you here on my shoulder. It could be that when you cry, the tears reach my heart or maybe I need a new wardrobe, lipstick is always a better excuse than Kool-Aid, trust me I know love.

I don’t think I’ve ever had a shoulder from someone to lean on I wonder does it make me weird that I want to lie in your lap, if it works for my first born, maybe he takes after me, always finding a new comfy spot, to feel love, or to go to sleep. A new way to find peace and we need a piece of somebody else, and All Of Me, loves all of you now but when this all began all we needed was A Willing Shoulder Please.

I Will Have No Fear