Tag: Day Job

Gospel 276 ~Boys Will Be Braxton~

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Well, Braxton didn’t like baths. He always wanted a full tummy, and he had no idea what I was talking about, but the noise seemed to soothe him. Yes, I’ve pretty much taken over his role, but in the end, “A Man Provides.” Boys Will Be Braxton though.

Saturday, April 3, 2021

Gospel 276 ~Boys Will Be Braxton~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but if Braxton had any aspirations. He wanted a walk and a full tummy for sure.

The simple things and “WWBD” What would Braxton do? I couldn’t help but notice these past two months, I’ve been living more and more like him. I told you before I can’t wash his bedding. I haven’t made my bed in all that time. Does that sound gross… here’s worse. Everyone checks, now and again, to see that I’m still eating, but what about regular showers? And Indiana Gone wonders why they’re no womenfolk here. At least Braxton had his toy to “play” with. I continue living as a monk, clothed in black and prayer. The only cleaning I have done was because there was no other way around. Again I spilled root beer on my hoodie. Braxton’s dish was beginning to grow some fur.

The silence usually means something is wrong, sadly. Of course, B III and I didn’t stand for noise but without his paws running around. Sounds I once found annoying that I would kill for. To hear his breath once more, and I was there for the last one, Braxton breathed. Again it continues as the only time I hear my voice is when I’m embracing the DENIAL of his passing. The shock when I saw I am starting a new month with his treats. I’ve gotten into ASMR lately. I wonder, is it like when I would leave the radio on for B III, hmm? Speaking of or not of hmm, that’s me at the Day Job, I hardly talk anymore. Seems such a waste

Everything does, and yet I steady on. At least I wish I could tell you that… well, no, not really. I’m more like a kid again, goofing around because, as always, “A Man Provides.” Only since I don’t care about myself and B III is gone. Providing bears no meaning. Interesting thought I had yesterday. If anything, I should look after myself because I’m the last thing that Braxton saw in this world. Imagine Lu, my face, your final vision. Okay, that’s one more way I killed my best friend. B Squared must have found whatever on the side much more appealing. As for my final sight of him, I want a tattoo. Always thinking of flesh, for once my own. Boys Will Be Braxton

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 269 ~Braxton Spills The Beans~

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It’s no secret; Braxton’s gone. I’m not hiding that I’m crazy or knowing I’m guilty. A small boy, but B III had a big bark. If he’s not too busy barking at people at the pearly gates or giving Cerberus a run for his money… “Braxton Spills The Beans.”

Saturday, March 27, 2021

Gospel 269 ~Braxton Spills The Beans~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now or not. Just like Braxton didn’t tell everyone my secrets. His food was a different story…

It’s been weeks since I found any, like the “regular” parents finding their child’s Legos. Of course, his treats and meds are still on the counter. Braxton has a bag of food in the fridge. Then there’s the last opened can and his pan. Lady Luna, why bring this forward? I’ve washed his hoodie today… not by choice, mind you. In Braxton’s final days, he was sweating or wetting himself, not that I care either way. A bottle of soda changed all that. Maybe I can transfer some of the smell from his bed back onto the hoodie. Madness, insanity, perhaps? What’s the secret? I love Braxton like pancakes. But who was to know, as much as I kept him to myself all this time.

Tell that to the hackers and scammers after B left. It’s too soon for Christmas, but Hell, I woke up this morning, and I had no clue what day it was. I don’t know who I am. It’s plenty of assholes who are trying. Did I mention Amazon and my shenanigans? You’re right; I didn’t. Without Braxton’s hunger being a factor? Give me anything to serve as a distraction, which is why I’m later than usual talking to you. The Day Job is still crazy, and this week has the potential to be worse. So many people I don’t know. You’re asking me to explain why I’m here then? As I say every day, Braxton’s Life Matters, but I started talking when he again left.

I’ve dropped stuff from food to tears to his bed. I call for him to take his meds. Only not in getting some scrap of food that got away. He’s not here to flop down beside me. B III would be as mad at my schedule as I am, and instead of his bed, he would hide beneath mine, ha. He wasn’t one to keep secrets, but he would tell white lies to get an extra treat out of me. Again, while I’m way too tired, which I am this morning but shouldn’t I be enjoying it considering, well, whatever. It doesn’t matter as I ask Braxton for strength and know his loss is pain.

My worst crime and Braxton’s somewhere. Braxton Spills The Beans

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 262 ~B Moaning Next Week~

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So what’s our goal? One of my resolutions was to see Braxton through the year… I write six things down every week, and have I ever had a clean sweep. I woke up this morning, and that was a fight. Yet next week… B Moaning Next Week

Saturday, March 20, 2021

Gospel 262 ~B Moaning Next Week~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now and still feel like I’m going to toss my cookies any second now. One more excuse

Indeed, no day can be worse for me than January 31, 2021. I have no right to complain, but next week is going to be bad. Why should I blame Braxton for that with all the horrors going on in the world today? People can be sick in more ways than one dear Lady Luna. B III had two good ears and was used to me going off on some political tangent. At least I pretended I was talking to him. Speaking out loud to a ball of fur makes you endearing. When he’s not here, it makes you crazy. Do I really need to go over my routines again? At least Braxton doesn’t have to endure it any longer. He’d hate the coming week.

To me, as the song goes, “Every Day Is Exactly The Same.” Braxton was waiting from his first day to his last, but he always had something to look forward to. It could be as simple as me getting home. Lady Luna, it’s what we want, and I took for granted, LOVE. Now I could be wrong. At least over the past week. It hasn’t been for love; I’ve been getting out of bed or getting back in. Hell, I’m taking a page from B III; the sooner we get this done, the sooner we can sleep. Everything between my bed and back is mostly filler. However, last night I had a dream or a nightmare. I saw Braxton’s treats destroyed by my mom, strewn out all over the table.

That’s not much of a dream, but I’m not living much of a life either. Next week there will be changes at the Day Job. I have more money to spend, the $1,400 stimulus. Today, might I even clean out the refrigerator with Braxton’s food… or finally, start cleaning bedding? I said before, all the responsibilities would come catching up to me. Again political rhetoric, cancel culture, like my Russian contact… I wanted Westworld. I’m not watching WWE that much, more background noise. Camp NaNoWriMo is about to start soon. Dammit, another first without Braxton here. Last week of normality. But what is normal? It’s me complaining as Braxton waits for me to be happy. I hope he is happy. I’m B Moaning Next Week

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 255 ~This “H” For Braxton~

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While my heart remains broken, you’ll be surprised what Anger can heal. Why won’t people allow me my Denial instead of driving me into Anger? Heroes don’t bury their children but their parents. My OLDS are fine, but for now. This “H” For Braxton

Saturday, March 13, 2021

Gospel 255 ~This “H” For Braxton~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can’t recognize myself anymore. Plenty of people are telling me who I am.

Hulk as in The Hulk, which I turned into yesterday morning. It seems the more I try to live in my Denial that Braxton Is Dead. People are dedicated to shoving me into Anger. Were you ever having a moment of silence, Luna and the phone rings with bad news? I’m a man of routine, and there I am saying, “Good Morning Braxton, I miss you,” and the Day Job calls telling me I’m missing work. I yelled over the phone, and less than an hour later, I’m shouting at two women at work. If B III had been here, would I have cared, hmm? Not that I’m angry at him, nor at vets. It’s starting with me and then the rest of the world.

Hunk of burning love, made into a hellish rage. The hackers, the scammers, and who else? I’m sure people aren’t joining “my” Facebook Group because I’m handsome or an incredible writer. No, my dear Braxton “IS” the cute one. He allowed me to write constantly. Still, M Anime said I have a nice smile, and she likes it when I smile. Of course, it was with a picture of Braxton. Don’t women love guys in uniform or with their kids? My hoodies don’t count, and without Braxton, I mean damn.

I don’t smile much anymore and without masks… Lady Luna, I haven’t been thinking much about women, to be honest. Dare I say I’ve become asexual at this point. The life and family I pictured, Braxton, won’t meet or love.

Hercules, I am not. Now, didn’t Hercules kill his family? Kratos did as well and wore their ashes. Well, aren’t I wearing a pendant with some of Braxton’s “remains?” Great minds, right, considering I spent yesterday night reading in the blackness. It was all about Jacob and making demon lords. I’m about to piss off many REAL parents, but have you ever heard “the smallest coffins are the heaviest to carry”? I don’t know how I did it, Lady Lu and I could never do it again; it’s too much. But that hasn’t stopped me from looking up Deer Head Chihuahuas now has it, Lu. Would I instead make myself Sisyphus or be the Hulk, a hunk, or Hercules, no.

Let me hurt rather than hate. This H For Braxton

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 210 ~Will To Break Free~

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I’m starting to sound like a broken record, but I am broken somewhat. Heart, mind, um, something else. You can take your pick. A contradiction that I feel like I’m breaking apart, and at the same time, I can’t be free of that idea. Will To Break Free

Wednesday, January 27, 2021

Gospel 210 ~Will To Break Free~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, sigh; if that were true, I wouldn’t be scared. Inspector Echo, I should have put these two things in my New Year’s Resolutions. One is to stop listening to old white men, um yeah. Two, I shouldn’t put myself in these situations. That same ole trope… Dammit, it’s been over a week. Like the last, all I want is to be sitting on the loveseat or lying in bed. Hell, most days, I’m only praying “not at the Day Job, anywhere but there.” Would it be any easier if it was in front of my son here? What happens to him?

He already lives with a Daddy that isn’t all there. Sure, as the song goes, I’m delirious, out of my mind. I suffer from Anxiety. I Hurt myself today because it’s a Mad World. Ok, how many more depressing songs do I require. Will any of them help with such paranoia. Inspector Echo I have created My Own Prison when it comes to the Day Job. You know I’ve always hated but now? I’ve talked about before how I keep looking at the doors. When the manager sent me to open them, I expected the Police. As the store gets calls… The drawer underneath my knives I keep closed. The things I can’t talk about, that I won’t. The last time I had a freak out with the cops, my “Father” kicked me out. I would have a choice at least here in the house because you know I can’t face it again. NEVER AGAIN!!!

I live by the clock. Again like a broken record, I tell you I hear “call on line 1,” and I set my watch. Wouldn’t it take cops less than an hour? How about a week. It could be the end of the month. Is this how Christians feel. Everything is made precious because of punishment? People have their drugs, alcohol, pick a vice; any vice. Of course, my two are sleeping, and I can’t talk about the other one ever. To be honest, Inspector Echo, I can barely notice, seeing as how I still fell asleep early this morning. Those breaths are free, and no others. Hard fought those.

Interestingly enough, the time I live in. The more I try to ignore old white guys, I find things like a “Terrible thing, to live in fear.” Thanks, Stephen King.

There’s innocent fear and guilty. Mine? Will To Break Free

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 203 ~We Will Go Home~

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Last week I had no idea I’d be here. It’s Sunday while I’m writing this but ask me what I wish. Come this time Wednesday, I’ll be right here. My furry Imp napping, finally posting this, with YouTube in the background. We Will Go Home, I believe.

Wednesday, January 20, 2021

Gospel 203 ~We Will Go Home~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but honest to God, I would give it all up to be right here. What in the grand ole U.S. of A? I haven’t forgotten that today is Inauguration Day. You’ll have to forgive me for being a selfish S.O.B., not new. How about time-travel, hmm? It’s still Sunday, so I have traveled now three days into the future. Why. That’s the thing I can’t tell you, I’m not STUPID. I also know the laws better than Trump. Ok, at least I have the decency to look them up, unlike some.

Now, did I really say that I would give up a billion dollars to be in bed? Well, at the moment, on the loveseat in my den, going crazy with worry. I swear Inspector Echo, I haven’t written this much in ages and why. You know I can never do good, so yeah, Great Fear. It’s a Fear that I can’t share even with you and the girls. I’ve talked to Madam Justice, Dear Future Wife, and now you, again on a Sunday. I’m sorry to say, writing, blogging, yeah, graffiti with punctuation, doesn’t feel much like home. A rush to judgment, um, ok, yep. I might as well be sitting inside a prison already. If I’m here come Wednesday, I’ll still be scared. When I got carted off to detention so many years ago, geez. To think that would be my life for who knows how long and then like that, I was free.

Call it scared straight, Echo? I think I even gave my life to God at one point, eww. Who was it that said, a man facing a noose will do whatever to save his neck? Now back with my Olds, ok beat anything I ever knew of the Heaven, Paradise. So many names and such. However, I’m going to Hell one way or another. If I wanted to do good, and I mean now, make the world a better place, I know what I should do. You see something, say something. Trump didn’t call the F.B.I. and Inspector; let’s say we know our countries well. I want to congratulate President Biden and Vice-President Harris. Yet come this time Wednesday, I want to be here, the country at war or not. I’d take Status Quo Freedom.

Detention, Studio, Olds, or Day Job. We Will Go Home

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 196 ~Obsessive, Contagious, Addicted, Will~

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A round of applause to the alarm clock, but you want to know what got me up this morning? Nope, and if I told the whole truth, well, I’d be as bad as whoever looked up such and such on my blog, finding nothing. “Obsessive, Contagious, Addicted, Will”

Wednesday, January 13, 2021

Gospel 196 ~Obsessive, Contagious, Addicted, Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but that can be forgiven or buys forgiveness. At the very least makes people forgetful. Of course, I apologize to you, my Dæmon, one day I should add my mother. Hell, sometimes I think about the whole world for being an addict. So what am I addicted to? What would I know about it in the first place? If anything, what am I sorry for today? Oh, let me add one more AHEM; why can’t I forgive myself? I should be thrilled right that I actually got up at 4:00 AM.

How did I spend the first forty minutes? Inspector Echo, it’s like keeping a bottle in the house. The man who tucks a cigarette behind his ear “JIC” (Just In Case). I’m like Pookie in New Jack City. Wanting to do good but putting me in a room with… everything. Inspector, I tell you all the time it’s how I want to spend my life. I want to produce stories, movies, “inspirations” like I’ve been looking up all morning. God, I want businesses that employ the likes of Alice Little and Jill Kassidy. The idea of that starts every morning. Jesus, it’s what I have to think of to keep from falling back asleep. It’s not that I don’t love reading, which I did after those first forty minutes. Now didn’t I say I love money, but that didn’t keep me at the Day Job for two more hours now, did it? I am incorrigible.

Only again, I keep saying it could be worse. Being 19 days in, I’m heading into my angry stage. You stay clean the first week, and it does get easier, but yeah, I’m still lost. So why am I laying all the guilt on now? Bringing up Alice Little, I’m still upset about her case. Now it could be the fact that, as you know, I’ve been cleaning out my phone. Then I found pictures of such and such. I did talk about A Different Alchemy by Chris Dietzel. Jeffery is still lamenting about the passing of his son Galen. Dammit, I could be keeping busy. Reading up on the loss of Alice’s livelihood. I should have headed her way long ago. Instead, I’m sick and twisted with many ideas.

At least it’s not Covid or drugs; still, I’m… remember positivity, Obsessive, Contagious, Addicted, Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 189 ~Don’t Count On Will~

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Being a black man in America, I’m not a statistic… I got up early, six instead of ten, you can thank my furbaby for that. The stimulus came through yesterday but besides my kid, my day job, and car people where’s the money going? Don’t Count On Will.

Wednesday, January 6, 2021

Gospel 189 ~Don’t Count On Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which must mean I hate you. Well, I don’t think that way about you, Inspector Echo, or any of the other girls. Okay, so the Man in the Mirror, but as I’ve been saying ad nauseam, it’s a New Year. I’m working on myself… I’m trying. The thing is, I’m asking myself, am I too late? If it isn’t the money, then it’s been my age these days. I’m 36, and if I were to tell you all the things I haven’t done, even this morning. As the song goes, “Time, time, time. See what’s become of me.” Money, Age, Time…

I could wrap that all around my favorite subject in the whole wide world. Well, after my Dæmon, of course. Looks like my Imp’s going to get that vet appointment anyway. Geez, right after I got my stimulus payment. Republican Idiocracy tendencies, “I Like Money.”

Okay, so my favorite subject, I swear I have missed out on so much. When it comes to… well, how do I say this and remain a nice guy? Again I support artists and, in the same breath, thieves. Even with the motherlode of “artwork,” I’ve I miss out on galleries, gathering, and grabbing up all I can. Do you remember after the last Pinterest Suspension/Purge, I was upset about a specific board I lost? I found a few pieces of it the other day but not the whole thing. I would say I find nothing more annoying but that would make me a liar. It’s like finding the perfect “movie” and not being able to download it. How about what happened to such and such a website? What about being so anxious for something and then having it snatched away with fear? Mine… hers?

“A half-read book is a half-finished love affair.’” Cloud Atlas

I feel like Nicolas Cage/Yuri Orlov; I’m always five minutes too early or five minutes late. Being black, I was taught to be early always. As for being a man, I was taught “nice guys finish last” (12 Days, fingers crossed). I’m forever a day late, a dollar short, that is if I want something. I hate being late for the Day Job. Now I love my Dæmon like pancakes, but I got out of bed not by “force of will” but because my son needed me, meds, cleaning, potty.

Hate has my number, but love… Don’t Count On Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 182 ~Humiliation’s A Number Will~

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One day I swear I’m going to sit in a room and type all day, pocket my cash, and send an army of mercs to silence anybody sending me spam… well, that got dark pretty quickly. “Humiliation’s A Number Will,” and next year I want it to be zero

Wednesday, December 30, 2020

Gospel 182 ~Humiliation’s A Number Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so um, I still hate Math? Considering I’ve taken no sick days or vacation days. There’s the concept of dinner around here, becoming a big event. I have a yearly eye exam, which is the extent of my medical care. Yep, I still hate my teeth. Okay, say it with me, “This Is America,” how about I am a “Real American.” You’ll have to excuse me, Inspector Echo. The Stimulus Talk and my usual complaints, numbers have been on my brain. With enough cash, humiliation doesn’t matter, enough not to count.

Let’s start with me and My Dæmon. I’m 36, goddammit, my son’s 15. Now I’m trying to stay clean, Inspector Echo when I talk to you, but I’ll put the question out there. When’s the last time I’ve had sex? Meanwhile is the Dæmon living the life, meds, food, yes… However, he could have more, but where’s the money going? Let’s say I’m “supporting” three artists. Depends on how you define art. I can’t tell you how much I’ve spent on the random “expressions.” Or how about the money that went towards “Capital A” SIGH. Well, make more money, you say; how long have I been at the Day Job? Nine years, Inspector, taking orders. And each and every day there, I’m either depressed, destructive or damned. What about all the money I paid to not publish a book now?

I mentioned Capital A, but how many women have stopped talking to me this year alone? I’m going to say three, but even that’s a shot in the dark. Better to keep my mouth shut, but tomorrow, of course, is The Closing of the Year. Pop Culture is much served. While fighting off my addictions. You know within Six Impossible Things, “5 Days” so far. Doing everything to keep my mind occupied, and you see how that’s going. Remember, I had to wipe my phone of such and such, still leaving six thousand pictures altogether. Again I think about writing three NaNoWriMos between two camps and November. Four hundred words daily for the year is around 146,000 or nearly three NaNoWriMos. Not one dollar earned doing what I love still.

Before I forget, two Pinterest accounts are gone. Another “explicit” account wrecked. More sugar daddy/momma accounts blocked between Whisper and Goodreads. Big numbers Inspector Echo still Humiliation’s A Number Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 175 ~Payday, Will’s Favorite Holiday…~

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Every day, “How are you,” another day, even with Emergence, or Free Candy, and what about Christmas. When I get massive amounts of green one day, I’d like to think I can afford to bring a tree inside. I can now but Payday, Will’s Favorite Holiday yep

Wednesday, December 23, 2020

Gospel 175 ~Payday, Will’s Favorite Holiday…~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now and still making one more dollar cue Homer drool. Now you know I’m not one for the holidays. Long story short, PEOPLE. During this time of the year, you might call me Mr. Grinch, Scrooge, or “Cross.” Didn’t care for “Scrooged.” Bless Indiana Gone for trying her best. She did send me a Christmas card. Now don’t tell her I told you, but she did forget about MY “Emergence Day.” Okay, so that’s the point, hmm. I never tell anyone. Hers is Star Wars Day, oh, um, a good holiday ha.

Anyway, so I say people, but I should also say with money, things get complicated. Take now, It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year, as they say. Yesterday I envisioned the Christmastime I hope to share with my family someday. Okay, one day, motivations. However, I shared the truth of my current situation. There isn’t a tree up, no lights, no wrapped gifts, we’ll get to that. There isn’t any “Roast Beast” in the fridge. Truth is, I’m still living, for the most part, with leftover Turkey. I don’t mean to complain so much. Inspector Echo, I have money. Is it all this talk in the news lately about stimulus this and that? The idea that I’m beginning to believe Serra Hyundai (assholes) pardon my French has been lying to me. My biggest shame is that I haven’t even bought my Dæmon a gift.

I shouldn’t talk about gifts because that reminds me of Emergence Day. Hell, I should probably put Gears of War on my Wish List. Okay, you already know that Emergence Day is the worst day of my life, and it’s why I spend most of it in hiding, hating life. Now, if I cared to make a list of worst holidays, after Emergence and Christmas would be Valentine’s Day. What, am I trying to be in love at some point. And again, I’m not exactly buying gifts, AHEM, two. Let’s not put women and any money in the same idea. Where will that lead to? Besides wanting a family and what about taking kids to trick or treat. I don’t need little monsters at my door when kids scare the crap out of me anyway.

So I’m keeping people away and money in my pocket. I don’t need the ghosts for Payday, Will’s Favorite Holiday.

I Will Have No Fear