Tag: Day Job

Episode 271 ~Self-Harm, Write A Will~

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As Johnny Cash sang “I hurt myself today.” I’m not attempting to feel; if anything I am only to0 lazy to get out of the way of everything that’s hurting me and I find even cheaper ways to. “Self-Harm, Write A Will” how many have I done

Friday, March 29, 2019

Episode 271 ~Self-Harm, Write A Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, they’ve already created Band-Aids, Beer. Somebody racked their Brain mass for Twitter. Only for Trump to use it the way he does. No Lady Sophia I’m not about to get political, what good would it do?

First off I’m not that STUPID. Wait am I, leaving my bag at the Day Job unattended for a few minutes. Of course, my mind has written the worst case scenario, a million times over. Still, the only person reading it is me. My left wrist, all day, I pinched, I snapped, I stung. I am reminding myself not to be STUPID. While I only became even more so. Tell me this what’s the correlation if any between depression and RAGE. Is it part of being Bipolar. It’s one more reason I write. The general manager said I say that the whole world is against me. So I create a world full of people in stories. All so I can do the most horrible things. I can kill them one after the other ending up Alone Again, naturally, The End.

Only it never is, is it, I don’t edit. Grammarly and Hemingway, are seas of color. Looking over my recent blogs, I don’t recognize myself anymore. Lady Sophia, at the same damn time I do. Allow me to dive into my fandoms once again. I might as well be a head on a stick in TWD. I need a golden pair of scissors and a red jumpsuit like in Jordan Peele’s “US.” So I can cut up this crap. Is that why I’m hurting myself? It’s only a rubber band, but I can’t stay awake. My eyes are a bloodshot red SNAP. Look up, POP, lift your feet PINCH. On and on but the RAGE Lady Sophia. So much, all at me, the man my “father” made me in existence. I’m STUPID no matter what.

My words might as well be, a sea of white in the shower though I’m abstaining now. Hasn’t even been a week yet, like those times I went without eating. I’m making room for more pain that I deserve. I ask myself WHY; I’m not suicidal or more like I’m lazy about the fact. Which again makes me STUPID. That’s my new word Lady Sophia, an oldie but a goodie. I suppose “skeevy” well who knows I may have lost one more friend today. Math is one of those things that did the most harm to me. My writing is the only way I can harm others. Torture for us all, but numbers? I know how many friends I lose, money, time, how many words for a new NaNoWriMo shirt. And this is how I hurt myself every day my great Self-Harm, Write A Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 264 ~Worse, Women, Writing, Will~

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My life is becoming more and more of a horror story every day, and I may take a pair of scissors to it, well more like a delete button; was I beginning to sound a bit creepy maybe? “Worse, Women, Writing, Will”

Friday, March 22, 2019

Episode 264 ~Worse, Women, Writing, Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, wonder what’s impossible and then do that. Next thing you know, you have people paying to have you put them out of wonderment’s misery. Some will relish the pain and will amaze themselves with what they think of next, no doubt.

Women make me wonder. You know all those that I read “every day” oh yeah? What you can’t blame me Lady Sophia, this week has been the worse one in a long time. No need for amazement why it wasn’t the cosplayer’s horror short that sealed my fate last night. Wasn’t the MILF’s story either but more her glamorous breasts which she hates. Why “women being women” a picture is worth a thousand words. When how I picture women ropes me into plenty of trouble. Well, I’m still waiting for all the nicknames to go away at some point. Won’t be going away anytime soon, I’m skeevy, a pervert, plenty that are way worse Sophia.

Hey, that leads me to the writing that I ain’t doing. How come, because the writer needs a break. Holy cow I must need Brainbuddy back, and I’m always letting someone down. Hurts me you know to even fail those bastards (LANGUAGE) at work. Hell if I’m going to be a “screw up” it might as well be with my writing. Here’s hoping I get better at this style of writing, damn Grammarly. Hemingway App is more likely the culprit. Honey is my writing getting any better these days. Ha, I should watch what I say to women and today isn’t Thursday. Hacking up whatever I want to say in some effort to sound sexy or dominant. He could be capable of such things — Hocking one more excuse not to be writing. Hectically I headed out to see Us yesterday, which was a confusing movie. Head games to be sure and where’s my doppelganger when I need him. Him, whoever would I be talking about today or tomorrow, a week.

Yesterday I was shaking in my boots, panic attack. You know when I wasn’t too busy being a special kind of dumb. Yipping, yapping going on in my ears and I don’t even mean the dog. Young no more but who was I before he stepped into my world? Yellow belly coward, B III has made me brave but at work, at the movies, life in general. I am yep yawning my existence away because I no longer wonder sadly, what’s Worse, Women, Writing, Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 257 ~Will Deserved Love Letters~

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When I think back to when I was in college, the first girl I ever “love.” did me the service of rejecting me, others called me names and most even blocked me outright or had me begging and pleading. Will Deserved Love Letters and now I “write” books.

Friday, March 15, 2019

Episode 257 ~Will Deserved Love Letters~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, don’t tell anybody a damn thing. It keeps bucks in your pocket, prevents blocking. Yeah, the police can’t put you behind bars. Only what do I tell myself in the future, seeing as how it’s Tuesday now. Next week will suck.

Let’s focus on the positive. I can say such beautiful things to a young lady. I’ll have her falling head over heels in love. Her panties are hitting the floor, in a word YES. Just not to me. Several other gentlemen are quite happy. That’s more of a reason to run a brothel. I’m no one to compare a woman to a summer’s day anymore. More like a Brazzers or Reality Kings model. Have you seen them, and of course that gets me blocked. I have sung to a girl. Think of the sweetest things. Butterflies, Rainbows, Pokemon and in every one of these examples I’ve never spoken of love. Not even like, but I do have an L for myself, and that is Loser.

I know Lady Sophia I have to stop. Come to think of it though did you CANCEL BRAINBUDDY. Again I’m writing from Tuesday, but this app was an act of love for myself. So far I like it but still confused, Erotica, Nakedness, Pinterest. Do they count as porn? Still not giving it up but a day clean? Today I went ahead and ordered my PS4. However, Walmart is a pain in the ass and no not from Cupid. So you wonder why I don’t believe in happiness. More like WORK, though today has been a significant setback. I didn’t read earlier, but I did go through the “Morning Routine.” Only yesterday I got so much done, but I’m tired.

At the day job all I kept thinking about is how someday I’m going to write how I love myself. Sophia the first part of that is writing. Every word that costs me a second of sleep is telling me, you are loved, wanted, alive. When I write my bestseller, I’m going to be signing autographs, books, and checks. I’ll make business deals, buy my land, the labor force, and LADIES. No, they’ll be filling my inbox, knocking my doors down. But their doors are open. I’m never going to stop writing Lady Sophia. Even with my restaurant, love hotel, and then my movie studio. I want to be “Pure Taboo” and “Fetish Network” even more so. The payoff, I’ll look at myself in the mirror. My beautiful wife with our kids. Little B III still on guard duty. Yes, I’ll know I was loved. But Will Deserved Love Letters.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 250 ~Let’s Lie Down Will~

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The lie is I can’t get up, that I can’t face the world, that B III will live to meet his stepmom but the truth, I don’t want to get up, the world scares me, and Triple B is on three medications, yet I wish to create fiction. Let’s Lie Down Will.

Friday, March 8, 2019

Episode 250 ~Let’s Lie Down Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, create the ultimate comfy spot for dogs. A product most owners won’t buy, a lie never accepted. Knowing at the end of the workday we want our fur babies with us. Sitting on our laps, furring up our couches, and bedtime.

That might be easier than writing because I’ve discovered something and that’s I’m not a good liar, and you know how I know? I’ve never convinced myself. A God that can’t convince himself of his creation; like the plot of Legion (2010). I’m not even a good thief because that goes hand in hand with lying. Only haven’t I said that fiction isn’t lying, again it’s creation. Still, everything from girls to gore, to the ground, is real. Writers have to bleed, and that’s one more thing I can’t do correctly. Like a body that lies Undiscovered and when it finally is what’s left, decay?

I haven’t gone through the majority of the Editor’s Notes on Apocalypse Rush. Though if a sea of red was any sign, damn near everything had to be separated and corrected. Not that they said it was terrible by any stretch. I wonder if the editor was a woman. I saw that it’s International Women’s Day and I did go to see Captain Marvel last night. Hell if I wasn’t sitting here with you telling me to Stop Crying Your Heart Out, what would I be doing? A pool of green from vomiting out the amount of cash I’m going to need for my novel. What about being Down With The Sickness that festers inside me. Word apps are leaving whoever I was rotting more.

Lady Sophia, if I want to write and learn how to lie, why don’t I tell you about the movie. How I strolled with confidence, paid, bought my snacks and saw a great film. No, I humiliated myself with an old ticket and agonized over it for two hours. Saw a decent movie and then felt right about a car accident because people were having a worse night. I could tell you I woke up feeling great, with a lot of energy and I plan to get so much done. Again I fell asleep till seven, my body is sore, I have to go out, and all I want to do is sleep. If my life were happy, I would go into nonfiction. Could become one of those reactors for TWD. As King Ezekiel put it “Fake It, Till You Make It,” will I go and lie down in bed or Let’s Lie Down Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 243 ~Deadline, To Fill Will~

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Winston Smith said; “we are the dead” you want to know what my Room 101 is… being alone, “B III” is hanging in there, and I see a couple of good people too, the problem is though, I’m not one of them. “Deadline, To Fill Will”

Friday, March 1, 2019

Episode 243 ~Deadline, To Fill Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, create a holiday I will enjoy. As you can see, I still haven’t won PCH, but I remember those days I was heavy into it, and then they came down south. I watched them drive around and then the grand prize was for someone else sigh.

Remission, I mean no disrespect to people who suffer from illnesses. Hell, the word comes to mind because of Roman Reigns in WWE, but I imagine that’s what it feels like to have so much money. The disease known as your life is in remission. What about the pain I endure, I’ve had plenty of those moments. Something in my eye, a toothache, my weak stomach. Which of course these days as I told “Indiana Gone” every day I continue to play Prometheus. So some “bird” gives me a choice, my heart or my privates, yeah still a private day. What did I say about a “life in remission?” Yeah because I “pretty much” walk around like a zombie all day working. Subsisting off, well that’s the thing there’s nothing, I go to work and how many times do I repeat this. My wants are impossible, immoral, illegal and insane.

Revenge, people are heading for the hills but it’s like I’m Dr. Jekyll, and I want to kill Mr. Hyde, no I’m not suicidal. Hell staying up half the night writing and of course, I missed the deadline, get it, scribbling gives me life? How about being Dr. Frankenstein and making a monster. Who was the bigger monster? Now let’s go modern, take the Rage Virus for example. I’m like the mother who’s infected and with my sick lips… hell everyone wants to tear me apart. Maybe I’m bent on my destruction. Every beautiful thing I desire is like the Road Runner, and I’m like Wile E. Coyote am a subscriber to ACME products. Because I asked one girl out and she blocked me. Asked to subscribe to another, but I don’t want to risk her friendship but… she’s hot.

Renounce; the man I am, but I don’t know who that is anymore. The basics today, I’m getting sick, my throat hurts something awful, I’m still exhausted, I’m a bit warm. Only people call me sick for plenty of other reasons. I would say I get to renounce the human race, but my “father” hell do I count him as human. Like me, he pretends, and if he thinks he’s getting me as a “friend” on Facebook, geez I hate him in real life honestly. I said before that “A Comedian Died Today” and there is this idea that I have to be something else. Only who gets to choose, a dead man rises for what, Deadline, To Fill Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 236 ~Contents May Explode Will~

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They say the proof is always in the pudding, trust me when I say that is not what was coming out of my son when I returned to the house, I’m glad that mess is out of his system though but what about the contents of me. Contents May Explode Will.

Friday, February 22, 2019

Episode 236 ~Contents May Explode Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, if I keep my mouth shut at work… I wouldn’t even come close. If I continue to grow “wiser,” reading so many dozens of Kindle books, I’m sure I’ll make that amount but for somebody else. Like Skye Warren needs more of my money. How about a self-cleaning doggie pad or litter box, they have those?

Like “B III” has a new nickname “Brown Dynamite” but we’ll get to that. Considering it was the better part of my day and I won’t blame B III for getting sick. Only I feel ill every day I go to work; it’s how I know I have guts. My brain is being bombarded by music, motivations, and musings, that I’m dying to tell you and the other girls. Only all that comes out is this rush of rubbish and rubble always. As dangerous as writing is this is the least harm I can do to myself or anybody. I didn’t even post yesterday, but I didn’t fight either, I didn’t give into my WRATH.

Now LUST Lady Sophia, shit (Language) there’s a reason I didn’t get done writing until around ten last night. Too busy drooling; yeah, don’t I wish, fapping over Angie Varona’s incredible tits. Oh and Jessica Nigri, throw Whitney Wright and “Okay” under the bus. It only got worst this morning in the shower. I don’t know what I’m more ashamed of, what came out of the big head or the little one and why am I telling you? Now that’s the question. Someone asked me, why I have my reasons. You know my lust after one girl broke me and blogging is putting the pieces back together. And if it’s not that then I’m looking for someplace, something or someone, strangely I like writing daily.

Blogging brings me back to Triple B, how before I could start writing I had to clean up his mess. Whatever was wrong this morning? So it got me to wondering a while that I still haven’t done a thing with the trash that is my life. So many books that have never seen the light of day. While I so want to give into my Wrath and I indulge Lust; it’s SLOTH that is the worst. I don’t get up at all unless I’m mad as Hell or ready to fuck. Come on I know dirtier words still awesome to hear the MILF say it though. I’m going to explode if I don’t talk to her again if I don’t ask the other MILF out. If I don’t escape my cage, write my book, save my son, everything I am; Contents May Explode Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 227 ~B III Will Shatter~

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Again another butchery but I am going to see a horror movie, and the only thing I ever baked was a cookie, and my little boy can’t have that; Happy Birthday B III, finally got your birthday picture. “B III Will Shatter.”

Wednesday, February 13, 2019

Episode 227 ~B III Will Shatter~

Forgive Me Echo,
How To Make One Million Dollars; well women and children first, and I do mean saving lives. Because despite my reading and let’s save fascination with the female form I am not so corrupt or forgetful. So Happy Birthday to my son, my little boy B III.

With that noted, I’ve been fucking up (language please) but ask the man in the mirror. I brought up reading, and something that truly terrifies me. These people that leave their babies in the car and now have to know to put something “important” in the backseat. I confessed to “Indiana Gone,” I thought I left B III outside once. Of course, he was safe and sound inside but the fact I’m rushing into the backyard yelling for him. He’s my child, I love him more than pancakes, and there hasn’t been a moment he needed something I haven’t provided. Today though, I went to take our birthday picture, and my phone was screwy, and what the holy hell is wrong with me. I was ready to drive anywhere to repair it today. I bought a new case; I nearly had a heart attack taking off the former screen protectors.

Which leads me to sin number two, I wouldn’t have noticed. I take care of Triple B, I have dropped my phone, once in years, and we’ll get to women. What about me; I swear between being late for work, my teeth, and everything else I was on edge. This morning it felt like everything was tearing at the seams. I went through my whole motivational playlist trying to keep going. Asleep on my feet and if I was awake it was because I was mad as Hell. Now my mind’s brokenness isn’t anything new but watching my body fall apart, and I don’t care at all. Why, because I’m worried about my damn phone? Wanting a PS4, of course, B III earned fries, the movie I have yet to see, Happy Death Day 2U.

So now we have women that I continue to make the same mistakes perpetually. Yesterday I had hoped but whatever, and then, of course, there’s the restarting of my writing — fact vs. fiction and how it makes me feel. For example, “Lolita” was the most boring thing ever and I owe yet another review. My heart broke for Whitney Wright “Prom Night.” I read this “statement” from “Courtwithconfidence.” It’s sickening what she experienced but here’s the sin. A novel, a porno, a real-life horror story… I was hot and bothered. So that’s why I ask forgiveness today; I don’t care to save myself, that was my thought at the day job. I study people, but the thing about my son, he’s strong. I’m looking for a girl I suppose who has such innocence and yet such a fire inside her. Only here I am falling apart over a phone camera. If somehow I treated myself, everyone, and life to the concept B III Will Shatter.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 220 ~Gutless, Guiltless, Girl-Less, Will~

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Rule Fifteen, “I Take My Own Lumps,” if I do something wrong, I take responsibility, according to my motivations you must with every area life, even when other people are stupid, but like Spectrum it still sucks. “Gutless, Guiltless, Girl-Less, Will”

Wednesday, February 6, 2019

Episode 220 ~Gutless, Guiltless, Girl-Less, Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
How To Make One Million Dollars, you know that I could “SUE” somebody… one of my coworkers, though to be fair he did mean well, I could sue the day job in general, and how about the “catalyst” for my writing; today isn’t so much my sins, so we call these things…

Ignorance, that’s why they don’t let me answer the door at the day job anymore, too afraid I’ll Let the Right One In, excuse me, I am a Real American, Let Me In, plus I’ve always had a thing for Chloë Grace Moretz, along with European witches, and Ellie from TLOU. And speaking of people that wouldn’t, shouldn’t, and that I couldn’t drag through my door because I’m innocent, I open my door to every Tom, Dick, And Harry, and I talk too damn much because nobody asks me anything honestly about myself unless they want to use me. Man, Monster, no I’m a moron, but I’ve seen what stupid people can do, they can become President, penis meet pornstar, they can be “freaking” Phenomenal.

I, however, am guiltless, now I’m not a saint, but I am selective of my sins, and as I said, today I didn’t do anything wrong or more like yesterday when I got called into the back and accused of missing six days of work, an excuse to get rid of me, and I ask you why Inspector. Am I that much of a danger to anyone… I mentioned the “catalyst,” and things I wasn’t guilty of but called anyway and the lesson, not all things are meant to know writing or reading and sometimes people will only offer you silence. My son B III was right, wanting to scare away anyone at the door because if he had succeeded, I wouldn’t be so paranoid but why is it so wrong to want to better my situation, have I ever mentioned how much Spectrum sucks.

Instead of, well you see I’m the nice guy, most girls never see the dominant, and while hating myself would count as a sin, I absolutely love that guy, commanding, controlling, capturing, like Shusaku, Isaku, the corporation in “StudioFow” movies, customers in Vault Girls; what if the government is correct, porno along with colluding isn’t a crime. Add that to the long list as to why I don’t break hearts, maybe I take things like this too seriously giving a part of yourself to someone and thinking they keep it and not throw it away. Most if not all of these things aren’t crimes though and yet the need to apologize only continues to grow, but not to my job or anyone here but to that innocent bystander in the mirror, Gutless, Guiltless, Girl-Less, Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 157 ~Willing To Waste Words~

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How I thought I was wasting words with my novel but one week out and the words are still going nowhere except to the wrong people, the day job, a few porn sites and Pinterest must hate me I’m sure. Willing To Waste Words

Wednesday, December 5, 2018

Episode 157 ~Willing To Waste Words~

Forgive Me Echo,
How To Make One Million Dollars, the question I ask myself every day or at least since September and my first sin for today and why… because when I’m not coming up with an answer, when I’m blabbing away like yesterday to the future wife, and what about TRYING? I’m sure I have told you often that I hate that word, goes right up there with things like “just kidding,” “I’m sorry but,” “that’s interesting,” and of course STUPID, one of these days I’m going to write a list of trigger words.

Funny I use the word trigger because words are like bullets and the fact of the matter is why does one want to use them, I despise hunters, well trophy hunters, don’t give me thoughts and prayers, and while I’m no Republican and I hate the NRA, I don’t want an outright ban. I’m losing my analogy… what I’m saying is, I don’t waste words on the meaningless, I don’t have TIME for that, and yet every single day, even if I’m not talking to people, the words come out and the harm they do regardless. You know I also hate people making noise for no reason, take for example A Quiet Place, and people arguing that the family should have moved to the waterfall or Pontypool because people can’t shut up or die logically.

The thing is this is my story and about my sin so of course, I start with my son, the sins of the father no doubt, I tell him, no, to go lay down, even to shut up and here I am doing all I can because I would not be able to take that silence, my second sin. The third as I said before I have been blabbing away not accomplishing anything because I only want to be done, I want to go back to sleep. So for the fourth one how about when I’m genuinely getting something down, my browser history, Pinterest, Instagram, and any number of porn sites, I know I have looked up much worse things, not to mention my novel…

Words have power Inspector Echo, a few moments ago the word was “Yes” and we know how that word has so many connotations and if you asked me right now what the meaning of that word is, I would tell you guilty of a fifth sin. Can you forgive me for not having a better answer or any worth writing, for not being more careful with “B III,” and letting myself babble away, also I’m building a dictionary of porn and not using Yes for the right reasons because I’m always Willing To Waste Words.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 150 ~Will Took So Long~

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It’s a little earlier tonight, but I still won’t be getting a full night’s sleep, eight hours, six, funny, but if I even get three and tomorrow I should be done with NaNoWriMo, one more novel but honestly *sigh* Will Took So Long.

Wednesday, November 28, 2018

Episode 150 ~Will Took So Long~

Forgive Me Echo,
How To Make One Million Dollars, is a year too long to wait, three months in, I’ve nearly written a novel in one, and when’s the last time I ever accomplished my list of six impossible things though if all goes well tomorrow… When’s the last time I got over five hours of sleep in a row, how about when I last did laundry, or I felt completely safe in this house; do any of these equate as sins or should I blame NaNoWriMo for it all?

No Inspector Echo that in itself is one sin that I’m looking to blame anything else other than me with anything that’s going on but if you want another crime, it’s that I’m “TRYING” you know how much I hate that word because it’s not doing. Perhaps a third sin, taking life lessons from Star Wars but am I different with my novel which should count as a fourth sin because it is indeed the worse thing I have ever written and why did it take me a month to realize that? How about the idea that I’m sleeping too much after work, never five hours though this would be the fifth sin but why am I staying up all hours of the night right?

“Indiana Gone” might count the fact that I never have any faith in myself but at this point what else do I have to give, other than to work, my writing, and the small amount of sanity I’m grappling onto and you know what I’m holding exactly, not books, beauties, or a full stomach. Hell, I still have plenty to eat, but at this point in life I smell like potato chips and work, even this morning I gained twenty minutes of sleep as I skipped a shower, I washed up in the sink, still had to get to the day job always. That’s seven right, the eighth is the fact that I’m not looking at the positive, tomorrow all that is required is a final nine hundred words, this weekend may be quite shiny if not for the immense cold, and Youtube’s musical selection has been doing wonders to keep me going despite everything.

A ton of forgiveness you’d believe right but still forgive me for blaming NaNoWriMo, where would I be without it. I’m sorry for more trying and less doing. Why can’t Yoda be a hero, only I’m more Vader wouldn’t you say? My apologies for horrible writing and my terrible sleep schedule, my lack of faith, for giving into every vice, sloth, and lust for the most part, and finally for who knows, finding success and saying, Will Took So Long.

I Will Have No Fear