Episode 247 ~Babe Will Baby Will~

I was “The Walking Dead” at the Day Job this morning, and I asked myself, why do I do it, besides keeping BIII and myself fed; he cries when I’m gone I bet and I want to but if I had more family? Babe Will Baby Will

Tuesday, March 5, 2019

Episode 247 ~Babe Will Baby Will~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, make a cure for Everything, Everything. Someone is working on a zombie virus right. When that happens, I’m going to be the man, a grim outlook on the future but when I’m with you baby girl?

In sickness and in health, isn’t that how the vows go and probably before anything else you’ll see me have a panic attack. Even now I want to say I’m sorry and to think I worry more about my teeth than my mental state, such is my vanity. Everything else is easy to cover up, even when I’m sweating because it may take a few years, but I will have the flu again. So I’ll be in a huff; I’m going to howl, and please help yourself to the store. I would be there for you, do I need to say that out loud, the good news is I rarely fall for more than a day. Some days you might ask was I looking more for a wife or somebody to ride out the apocalypse with me… no comment love.

As with the kids and their homework, I know I wanted to cry plenty, but I can tell you this, nobody here is stupid. Between dozens of numbers, getting a D on a test and being thankful and my “dad” I learned to be anything but him. Sure I learned how to count money, and I’m a stickler for being on time as usual. Only I never want to be the reason our children cry. Again with my many apologies, I still do when I step on B III’s paw, but when I give him a treat. If I bring tears, I want them to be of joy, and yes laughter still freaks me out a bit I wish you and all our progeny to be happy. Yeah, I’ll still be a prepper, part of the reason I guess I want to enjoy every moment.

I know when I’m going to cry. How much was it when we got the kids. So you can call me Noah if anything happens to Triple B. I’m going to be the man on the island, sorry that I can see that now. No, I wasn’t the man to cry seeing you in your wedding dress but knowing we’re together… Do I compare that to publishing my first book, going into business? Yes, things may get weird when my father dies, won’t be sad. If I thought crying more would save you tears, I would, but I want to be a man. If only you knew how many pretty girls brought out the waterworks in me before. Please remember above all else “I love you,” those three words are yours; Babe Will Baby Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 120 ~Open Up, Say Ahh~

The good news is I didn’t have to do much talking today but then again seeing as how people talk to signify their own lives I wonder how much longer I’ll last, maybe I should go see a doctor or not. Open Up, Say Ahh

Sunday, October 29, 2017

Lesson 120 ~Open Up, Say Ahh~

To Will:
No Fear, open up, say ahh when you have no choice but to figure things out for yourself, “Adulting” is hard and only getting harder and there’ll be days when you have to ask some older adults but for today appreciate the win. Also don’t be so quick to jump to the worse possible outcome, it keeps you alive but the anxiety only gets worse; easier said than done but don’t play WebMD whenever you can avoid it.

Open up, say ahh, to new experiences, today wasn’t much of one but how long did you listen to the “Sick Fux” playlist, if only every day you could feel like you did when “ My Boy Lollipop” was playing, something for the future wife to sing? Speaking of new experiences, when are you going to start going out again, it would be something if you were actually working but since you’re not… It can also be said since you’re not going to the doctor anytime soon, open up, say would be better served in some bedroom play perhaps ha?

Now, what was it I said about imaging the worst case scenario, which might actually be something if you weren’t enjoying being kept away from the group, working by yourself, and it makes it much easier not to be a caveman when there is nobody to talk to. Open, up, say ahh when you actually do learn something new, how often do you find yourself having the same, comfortable conversation but really what else is there with some people ad the dog? Yes, sometimes it actually is better that you keep your mouth shut during certain occasions because soon you’ll have to talk just because.

No, I don’t mean Halloween, I can’t tell you how you’re going to feel come that day and if anything you might be afraid for all the wrong reasons. One more day out of the year but today was too damn easy considering what I expected and when work gets easy, beware is the rule of thumb or has been.

I don’t know whether to tell you to be a better man, just a man, or just to stay alive but every day you should always strive to be better but not all at once, you might look in the mirror one day and not recognize the man you are, all Open Up, Say Ahh.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 113 ~Hungry Like the Wolf~

When you’re hungry, thirsty, a certain sort of frustrated, where do you draw the line; I’m not saying eat people but when you want to survive that’s when you realize there is no limit. Hungry Like The Wolf… so about being a better man?

Sunday, October 22, 2017

Lesson 113 ~Hungry Like the Wolf~

To Will:
No Fear, though should we rack up your wins and losses or should we stick to the just surviving, in any case, we don’t want to die so that’s the good news. You know I’m always hoping for what’s best for you and today you have made strides in that direction but don’t fear, at least we didn’t know before but that thought truly shouldn’t be a comfort.

If anything this is a lesson in tenacity or necessity is the mother of invention, how about the idea of what it means to be wanted, you should be reminded of those days back in school from god knows when to… hell, you’re not in school anymore but you are still everyone’s go-to punchline. People are never satisfied, you know this well, there is even a rule “Satisfaction, The Death of Desire” and once we no longer desire, hunger, thirst, love, sex and anything else, we become complacent but what is wrong with that? The world isn’t built for that and neither are men, if anything we create rules, we write laws and like the Republicans are always talking about, no law will stop the bad guys but we need stronger ones, besides my liking of a ton of firepower.

Look at it this way, how does your immune system get stronger, you have to get sick and fight off the virus, here’s a good one, how do you go out and get a woman… stop watching porn, suffer, feel that want, need, and desire, and transform it into courage, as today’s lesson dictates, be hungry like the wolf, never knowing where the next meal is coming from he goes out searching. How about this, a scar shows proof that you were stronger than whatever hurt you, that you are a survivor. Now that is something you must always remember, with everything that has gone on, everything that hurts you, everything that scares you, put one foot in front of the other “Just Survive Somehow”.

Speaking of which “The Walking Dead” is something to look forward to, how about a visit from “Gospel Girl”, or the moment my email stops going off about the blog, I swear the things you didn’t know. Only what you do know, what you have learned today is the following, the “thirst” has been kicking your ass, never let desire die, it’s the fire inside you, Hungry Like the Wolf.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 020 ~Doomsday Preppers~

Well, I made it through today and will probably survive tomorrow but the question is, do I really want to and who knows when Judgement Day will be… I do mean machines or zombies. Doomsday Preppers, somehow I’m always prepared

Friday, July 21, 2017

Lesson 020 ~Doomsday Preppers~

Hey Lu,
I told you about my five-minute theory on the end of the world right, in five minutes, the world will end and I won’t have to go to work, in five minutes this or that will happen and everything else becomes inconsequential. Braxton and I may not look like it but we’re preppers, as the expression, hope for the best, prepare for the worst but no it won’t take zombies, a purge, or the biblical flood of Noah; that’s the lesson, should remember that now.

“Judgment Day is inevitable.” Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines

It’s been said that you can’t fight your biology and if you’re asking my personal opinion on the matter I think the end is more likely to come at human hands than outside influences. Strange that everything seems to push us together when the end is near, I remember being in school though during tornados and saying out loud “I’m not dying with you a**holes”. Life is too short, another saying and I spend far too much of it with people I hate, another bit of the lesson, ticks me off.

You see storms have never bothered me, I stopped looking at the stars, and zombies are an excuse to cull the herd and in all likelihood, it’s the people in the end that you can prepare for. My sister survived a tornado once, and the prospect of an asteroid doesn’t bother me, or alien invasion, it’s the people. Tell me how do you prepare for the people in the beginning, everyday Luna, how do you deal with those you’re going to see today and tomorrow and the day after that, I have no idea.

It’s not doomsday to me, it’s every day, that’s the day I can’t escape from, the day where I am judged and that’s why God doesn’t frighten me, I have more than enough judges these days. So I survive those five minutes and then what Lady Lu, I rebuild, I come back, there is nowhere to go, nothing I can do to stop the inevitable.

The world falls apart and you get by, you find a way to keep going, maybe I’m being somewhat dramatic with these days’ events. Throw in the people and you have whatever crisis you can possibly imagine and then some but okay let’s bring on some light dramatics, my friend.

A broken toaster… hell got it years ago from Publix maybe, it lasted up to this point so why should that upset me, a bit of toast before my meds or lack thereof. Possible broken car air conditioner, just something I might have to take to the shop and get fixed or I could try to be a handyman… Braxton of course always makes me feel like a negligent parent, how I stay alive is beyond me, but keeping him alive is a damn miracle, almost makes a man believe in God… I mean almost.

“This is what I hate. Strangers. Do you say ‘hi’ or do you blow their head off? Do they want to share what they got or take what you have? And if they want to take, how far are you willing to go to stop them?” – The Postman (1997)

If anything ticked me off today it was this stupid lady in Walmart pushing my groceries out of her way, did I mention how often I feel like I’m in everybody’s way. What about my dumbass general manager catching me in one of my frozen moments of my past, the jerk who wouldn’t move his arm, or those idiots who keep trying to test me? I get it, Luna, I’m not making my point that well, but with anxiety, you just want to die, and doesn’t that mean the world effectively ends, how am I to blame?

“It’s Hebrew, it’s from the Talmud. It says, “Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire.” Schindler’s List

Everyday Luna, before I go to work, I tell Braxton I love him, I tell him I’ll be back, I check the locks, I front door at least a half dozen times and I stare it at before I drive away, doesn’t seem the actions of someone looking forward to the end of the world does it. It’s less I don’t want to die and more I want Braxton to live, to be safe, so I have something to come back to after I’m wrecked.

So how do I prepare for when I have to face the world, how do you prepare for your own doom when you actually have a choice in the matter? Here’s a better question how do you look at the world as it’s happening, I told you before destruction can be a beautiful pastime really.

Avoid mirrors, you’ll get more than enough of that when people see you, the only time I look in the mirror is probably right after a shower, the steam, the haze, might make it bearable. Hoodies work wonders, I actually looked up weighted blankets and I don’t know if that has anything to do with anything but even in the summer, I like to be covered, if I’m not in a hoody, then I’m usually under the covers or I really trust someone, or I did, another story for another time. Remember that you have survived worse and you will survive worse, that’s just how it goes, the key to surviving Hell is to get through and not stop and stare or wonder why you’re there, leave that to others.

“Hell is other people seeing you for who you truly are.” – The Box (2009)

More like whatever they have decided you are, and there is no changing that unless with destruction, you know how we started talking again, people saw me one way and I figured it was best not to be seen at all, so I destroyed my work there. Miss Seasons posted something else yesterday, I’m not worried but I’m also ignoring it all together, and of course, there is another “friend” I haven’t spoken to in weeks, I’m just watching the friendships, die away. Of course, I’ve watched my happiness die away so many times, I’m starting to think of it more as a virus but what is the cure, that’s what I started thinking about today that song “Love and Happiness” would lust be the opposite and I’m not exactly full of sadness.

So what I learned besides that I might be more of a survivor than a prepper, yeah I get by and I’m always ready for things to fall apart, for myself maybe. Right now I’m just glad this day, for the most part, is over and yes I’m well aware when it comes to anxiety I am only one of many in this life of Doomsday Preppers.