Tag: Love

Lesson 185 ~Nice Guys Finish Last~

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Love will find you, not if you never go anywhere and I probably should have made that another resolution, to get out more because I’m so far behind as is, sorry but your princess is in another castle, or so they say. “Nice Guys Finish Last”

Tuesday, January 2, 2018

Lesson 185 ~Nice Guys Finish Last~

Dear Future Wife,
No Fear, the princess always gets rescued in the end, as if you needed it, though I ask myself, however, did I find my way to Heaven, you are an angel, right? Yeah and I’m no nice guy though my mother raised a gentleman, so it’s a miracle I found you at all, at the closing of the year or the beginning.

I doubt it was a new year’s kiss, though I look forward to every one of ours now that we have found each other. Math was never my strong suit, and neither is a history anymore and don’t get me started on PE, but with you, I want to know everything and for the first time in my life I find myself late for something. If anything I was late loving you, and for that, I apologize but is it the journey or the destination that matters in truth babe?

On the one hand, I’m the first, the last, the only, to be your husband and you’re my wife, so I think we both deserve the gold there, and we have evidence of that. We both have something to do with our sweetest creation. Once upon a time, I was busy. Writing about you, dreaming of you, trying to please you; well, I don’t mind finishing last there, but then you were late, and well there’s history. What about the day we met, the look on your face when we first kissed, the man I was before all of this, no it wasn’t the journey it’s the destination, you’re here.

Then again, how long did it take to kiss you, how long until the first I love you, the first fight, makeup, it’s been a long road getting from there to here and shall we talk about geography as well? One more year, what’s one more year to us, I want tomorrow, Valentine’s, birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, and new year’s tell me where you’ll be the day after, will I be chasing after you or not.

I will stand before you against any and all but when it comes to this house, our children, even the dog, and undoubtedly you I guess I don’t mind being in dead last. Perhaps I am a fool, but love makes fools of us all and Nice Guys Finish Last.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 184 ~Power Is All That Matters~

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Power has five letters, and love has four, is less more, sorry to say not in this instance but if I wanted to control as badly as I want to love and maybe that’s my problem, people speak of one, it’s wrong to want the other. Power Is All That Matters

Monday, January 1, 2018

Lesson 184 ~Power Is All That Matters~

Thirteenth Rule Madam Justice,
No Fear, power should not be so easily obtainable, Tony Montana taught us this, but even women beat out his real motives honestly. I find myself quite the same because as the song goes, no one man should have all that power, it’s too high, too much of a fight, and too much to endure.

So we call power “love” so that we can share the burden, and even then we become slaves to it, we just can’t help ourselves because love is as a disease and this I believe. It takes on other forms, politics, money, violence, all symptoms of the same sickness, it’s like saying you have a fever when you know you have the Ebola virus, and you end up killing everyone around you trying to deny it. There are those that say absolute power corrupts absolutely or how about those we hold up as shining examples such as Captain America, a man given such power and then he becomes a hero.

One of my favorites is that everything is about sex, but sex itself is about power, now that I’ve felt and is probably closest to the truth. Power to me is merely controlling, no more, no less, and that I would not give away to anyone but first you must obtain power over yourself, and I can think of no better way to announce the new year than this possibly. Save a life, save the world entirely, if you gain power, control over just one person, yourself then there is nothing more exceptional, no fear.

Every footstep, every breath, every look, heartbeat, the release is controlled but then what does this mean for freedom, as 1984 put it “Freedom Is Slavery” to have someone anyone else in control, in power, is liberating. Take Domination and Submission as the perfect example, is this not a testament to a submissive’s power, to give such things to a dominant and perhaps they do not possess such control over themselves but only in another.

As for myself, I seek power not just over myself but life entire, and that is worth more to me than anything else, but while I know that I want this how best to obtain it, dear Madam Justice *sigh* Power Is All That Matters.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 178 ~Shook Me All Night~

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All I want for Christmas all I need is the money to pay for it, boys dream of toys and men dream of, well; I think Santa is a good man, and if I could do all that he can for the world, for the family I hope to have one day? “Shook Me All Night.”

Tuesday, December 26, 2017

Lesson 178 ~Shook Me All Night~

Dear Future Wife,
No Fear, you know I’m usually all in my head about something and now that I have you why do I need to dream but as the song goes “Some Nights.” You’re more than enough to keep me up, to hold me down, whatever could make me want to leave your side?

This time of year, we have little faces waiting for Santa coming to visit, and I will never let them down, not even the dog that is looking for everybody to share with him. There is the woman I love more than life, and I won’t leave it to just Christmas, Valentine’s, or your birthday if I’m not showing you every day how long will I love you then I’m not doing my job. Maybe that’s what shook me last night after all the gifts were open, the kids drifting off with smiles, my four-legged friend stuffed and you my happy wife, I want more than one perfect day for all of us but how?

Keep doing what I’m doing, that’s a lot for a man like Santa, and he only needs to do it one day out of the year, and maybe that’s what scares me, the other 364 days out of the year my love. Last night I thought about how quickly we could come to Santa not having a roof to stand on, the one that I want to keep over our heads. I tell you this, hold each other, dance to “All You Need Is Love” but I can’t shake this feeling, but we’re in this together. By what right would I ever have to doubt you, this, or us, If I didn’t believe; you make me feel like a kid on Christmas every single morning.

They call it a man’s world though, and you know that I’m not like most, I’m luckier, more in love, I’m yours, and I suppose that what the rest of the world thinks doesn’t matter. So we pretend but not with us, no never with us, and that’s why I woke up so early, no more sugar plums for me, yet what would I call you, beautiful, “good girl,” mine?

A reason to come back to bed, a reason I won’t have another nightmare because you shook me all night?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 177 ~ Medicate for Your Protection, Yours~

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I remember when I gained a pretty good drug connection thanks to my “Olds,” and I didn’t appreciate it back then, now “good” drugs are kinda expensive but to be fair, I wouldn’t be medicating for the right reasons. Medicate for Your Protection, Yours

Monday, December 25, 2017

Lesson 177 ~ Medicate for Your Protection, Yours~

Twelfth Rule Madam Justice,
No Fear, this isn’t the twelve days of Christmas for if it were, I would find myself locked in an insane asylum but then again here I am talking to you. Strange that the traditional white room is for everyone else but the blank white page is for me, and this is what I mean by medication for me.

Medication, Meditation, Meditation, sometimes they have been choices and others times forces beyond my control, I still remember I would dance when I would flush the meds my “father” would give me. Okay so this isn’t sounding so much about Christmas, but the truth has always been a gift, and like life itself sometimes I wish I could return it, get a refund, read the reviews of what other people have thought about it. Other people, anytime I have tried to kill myself it has been all for other people, and that’s the lesson, my life, health, and death have always been for those people.

When I was on medication, even to this day it’s not been me I’m ever worried about, I hurt, I suffer, and when I am getting well it’s to make them fill better and not me. Maybe that’s why I’ve stopped with the meds; I told Indiana Gone that I would fill so angry afterward because those pills were making me not be me. I could tell you about some chemical or something, but people did the damage, and then they expect me to find the cure, and even my death would just make their lives better, or maybe it’s like how they talk of suicide I might hurt them.

Maybe I don’t need a cure; perhaps they are the symptom of a sick, sad world, suppose I am the cure, but I give myself too much credit don’t I Madam Justice? Tomorrow things will go back to normal, and again I will be stuck with the truth, I’ll have me, just one day and didn’t I say last night that I need to have faith that ‘Cause every little thing gonna be all right!’ as Bob Marley believed right?

Speaking of music though I won’t belt out love is the answer or even a problem a few funerals won’t solve. The point is if I want to get high if I want to fix whatever’s broken, if I want to be well, it shouldn’t be for anyone else… now, Medicate for Your Protection, Yours.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 171 ~A Spoonful Of Sugar~

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“WebMD” is a friend to no man, and yet we’re all big babies when we get sick, and no my mother isn’t here, and the dog can only do so much to comfort me, but God bless him for trying. A Spoonful Of Sugar, she doesn’t have to be, “Mary Poppins Y’all.”

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Lesson 171 ~A Spoonful Of Sugar~

Dear Future Wife,
No Fear, if WebMD just happens to be right for once and I’m dying well… you’re my angel, and this must be paradise so I’ll do everything to stay with you now. Even if I feel like Hell at the moment, you give me fever, “I’m addicted,” and love hurts sometimes, and that’s just a fact baby.

Ooh, baby, baby, I won’t ask you to stay, I’m not sure what I look like or if I won’t be running around every ten minutes and I’m sure I’m the one being the baby. My love, you brought life into this world, and here I am praying for the hour of my death, and at the same time, I’m burning, freezing, coughing and sneezing, queasy and nauseous, but you’ve seen me worse right? I can’t imagine how you are seeing me now head in a bucket or curled up in the fetal position, maybe locked behind some door now.

You couldn’t save me before, and I’m not asking for you to keep me now, so what am I asking; of all the things I could ask a beautiful woman and as I said I wouldn’t ask you to stay and I won’t tell you to go. The golden rule maybe because if you were here instead of me, I wouldn’t leave you alone, I know my place would be at your side even if you hated me seeing you in such a state. I guess I’m just not used to anyone wanting to look after me and I try so hard, to be so strong, and now I can’t even pretend anymore, and yet you’re still here with me.

In sickness and in health isn’t that what they teach, forsaking all others but we got bills to pay and sometimes a man has got to be a man, a husband, a lover, a friend, a father and so many other things. My woman, wife, lover, friend, mother to our children and how can I ask you to be my nurse or indeed anything else.

Only you’re the one making me take my meds, cooking, cleaning, holding my hand, singing to me, bringing me back to life and that is difficult for me to accept. A bitter pill to swallow but I love you for it, you don’t have to kiss me though, I must look so gross right now but A Spoonful Of Sugar.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 164 ~Love This Election Year~

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I’m no leader, well at least of a country, and while I have plans for world domination, what is one life but the world entire and to think my love is king a dream until I find her. “Love This Election Year,” in what galaxy far, far, away is that hmm?

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Lesson 164 ~Love This Election Year~

Dear Future Wife,
No Fear, no fear, if we took a poll whether I would ever find you, if we belong together, that you would say yes well there is only one word for here and now… Hope. In what place but your heart could I win, in what world but the one we have made together. In what galaxy far, far, away could one man, one woman, say yes and that be a lifetime commitment, an appointment, duty, honor, privilege, reason, my wife, your husband, friends, lovers, greatest fan.

The greatest fan of your life as the song goes, and “Your Love Is King” you sing, “Angel” I would call you, and “How Long Will I Love You” because there is no term limit when it comes to us. A Whole New World we could see together and yet every day I feared to go the distance because it is one thing to be a president, a king, to be just a man, but whatever I am, was, or hope to be I just want to be yours. I still remember how I must have looked, what crimes I must have committed, and the people. Can you believe it, I wouldn’t bet on that, she said yes, and et all was quiet and still until I heard it from your sweet lips, saw it in your eyes, and felt it in your dear touch.

Sometimes I think it doesn’t even matter anymore what becomes of the city, state, country or even the world because I know where I wish to stay, free and at the same time hopelessly devoted. How lucky am I that you chose to love me, that you let me love you, that all the stars we can see aren’t enough, that every time I’m with you I feel like I’m blasting off to some distant planet. One that needs two suns because it is not lucky enough to have the light which is you. Cities bathed in color in an attempt to match your beauty, which is captured in my eyes every single day love.

So let the world end, or maybe we’ll be lucky enough to see how Star Wars ends at some point, and this love will still be the best thing I never voted for but chose. I don’t need to be anything more than your man and while you’re “Perfect” and you might spend forever trying to convince me why I still thank you for choosing me, Love This Election Year.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 161 ~Hurry Up And Wait~

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What are you waiting, she’s not coming to me anytime soon, neither are millions upon millions of dollars or a legion of adoring fans for a book signing as of late. Hurry Up And Wait, NaNoWriMo was last month, and I think I’ve relaxed enough

Saturday, December 9, 2017

Lesson 161 ~Hurry Up And Wait~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, age is nothing but a number but that number is getting bigger and bigger, and you know some people say to think of it as leveling up but what happens when you level up in a video game? How many times have I just wanted this game to end, not that I’m retaking the suicidal route contrary to popular opinion, hell as if that view is worried about me honestly?

Take a few days ago, my general manager is concerned about me, how I felt like I was right back in school; “It’s Times Like These” I find out how rational a person I am. You see he’s more worried about himself and the rest than my mental health, getting over whatever possible affliction I have going on at the moment. You know me, Luna, I have a million excuses, which again shows why I’m so late talking to you another time, today should have been better considering no work.

That’s what I have to get over, work and that means I should be writing more but instead what have I been doing, what’s today’s excuse… Blue Balls. If anything that is what I’ve been waiting for the longest; to take a page from The Matrix Reloaded vis-à-vis love and of course there is still an opinion, my parents, family, dog, friends, etc. Now, of course, you probably think I’m talking about the love of a woman in a happily ever after sort of way but what comes to mind at this particular moment is loving myself. No, I don’t mean the thirty plus minutes I spent in bed thinking about getting an ice pack for my junk for relief.

Hurry up and wait has only been another excuse, leave that to others but not for me, if you want a car you don’t wait for someone to give you one, you get off your ass and work. You want to eat, it’s the same thing, what about being an aspiring novelist and what about falling in love? No, my dear Luna, this is just a reminder that I have to get up and work and stop thinking about tomorrow, there is no tomorrow, live like there’s no tomorrow, oh yeah that has to be a rule without a doubt.

What I have learned today is even if I can’t keep my head up out there… not yet, I shouldn’t have it down here, just looking at my dick, waiting for a release that I can’t give, no more, I won’t Hurry Up and Wait.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 157 ~With Honey I’m Home~

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When I say hello to most people it’s a little obligation and when I say goodbye to those people there is nothing good about it, I genuinely wish I’ll never see the likes of them ever again, but when I first said hello to her. With Honey I’m Home

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Lesson 157 ~With Honey I’m Home~

Dear Future Wife,
No Fear, though honey I’m home seems a bit cliché, but so many hours talking to people I wouldn’t waste a hello on but with you, do I owe it to you or do I just love you so? On the other hand, I don’t tell you goodbye either, when it’s just the dog, and I ask him to be good, I remind him I’ll be back, to think when I take a step to leave him I’m heading back home already.

I know I’m not the most energetic person, “Good Morning” person, or have a good day, the walking in the house type of person, you’re here, so I’m happy, I don’t lie, and the last time I checked I live here. Maybe someday I’ll be greeted with “daddy, daddy” the children will regale us with stories of a better world, I’ll always read them stories before and bed and tell them goodnight before I find my way to you love. Goodbye though, the words have never bothered me because with you there is just no such thing, I’ll see you later, I’ll be back, how about I love you *sigh*?

Maybe I have high hopes for the world or higher aspirations for us that I can walk in and find you lying on our couch or in our bed and just snuggle up next to you? My name on your lips as you hold me close or we see each other next, for once that is something I would look forward to because everyone else just wants to take me away. In the morning or n the night, three little words are all I require if that because you’ll be the first thing I see when I wake and the last as I rest, who needs another cliché, just saying?

If anything I need to ask how I’ll speak to you at all, will it just be hello, hi, hey, Ha Ha, yeah my vocabulary is somewhat limited and honey… nah I can’t picture myself saying that though it would be nicer when strangers become friends and friends become lovers. Your name will mean so much, and beautiful will, of course, have a new meaning in the dictionary, but for now, I’m only trying to make my way to you.

When we’re together though; okay, one cliché, home is where the heart is so maybe when I find you there the first time, that’s the first and last time I’ll start With Honey I’m Home.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 150 ~To Reshape The World~

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If you asked me the last time I took a vacation, give me books, my warm bed, at most a trip to the movies, why do I need to go anywhere else, besides the fact that I might want to find her so the both of us can run away together. To Reshape The World

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Lesson 150 ~To Reshape The World~

Dear Future Wife,
No Fear, live brave, for what could dare stop us if we’re together, as the song goes:

“And then I go and spoil it all
By saying something stupid
Like I love you.”
the song Something Stupid

Which makes jumping out of an airplane look pretty sane if you ask me, and it might ask scare you to ask me more. Indeed I may scare myself. Don’t get me wrong the sight of you in a bikini as we lounge around on the beach, the sight of you before my eyes at all is a trip to paradise to be sure honestly.

If I don’t remind you enough, you’re an angel, a goddess, sitting on the couch watching a movie with you does the trick, as I would call you as they did in Willow “you are my sun, my moon, my starlit sky,” my choice in movies right? How about my choice in adventures, I’m not the biggest fan of “Lord of The Rings” or “The Hobbit” but going to New Zealand is something I never imagined I could do or would do, but when I’m with you… While everything says I wish that the bed was just a little bit bigger there is a lot of Earth out there and please don’t make me burst into Aladdin my love because you know I just might.

We’ll go to Disney World and Disneyland, and I’d like to think we’ll be those types of parents too, and here I don’t want to be like everyone else, but maybe I’m still a traditionalist or just a middle-class American. We might even escape together somewhere far away, travel the world, I’m not sure, but I want to be with you through it all and don’t they say that home is where the heart is? I could write from anywhere but isn’t the point that I’ll have my hands somewhere else than my keyboard, pen, tearing my hair out constantly.

I want to hold your hand as we walk every inch of this world, I want to see you before the greatest wonders of this place and still delight that I find not one of them, as amazing, as beautiful, as love, like you. I want to be with you in every way I can have you as if we’re telling “this one time at band camp,” stories just everywhere else. Could it be that I just want to show you off, would that be such a bad thing, maybe I just want to be sure that I’m the luckiest person alive as with our mere presence in it, the two of us may begin somehow To Reshape The World.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 143 ~You Want A Medal~

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The dog needs me around though I don’t know why he stays, maybe he sees something I don’t and nobody else does but maybe someday “she” might or so I ask myself why I still believe. You Want A Medal, maybe something pretty, three little words, a ring?

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Lesson 143 ~You Want A Medal~

Dear Future Wife:
No Fear, for that alone you probably deserve one, though I don’t know if I would be quite pleased or somewhat worried because you might be just a little bit crazier than I an. Do I need the incentive to love you, no but should I explain why I do, I suppose it’s indeed fortunate that you chose to love a writer but do I have all the time in the world?

I’m sure I will tell you every day, not just because I want to or need to, so many words in the English language and I can’t help but wonder who chose those three but why will I say then, because you’re you… Could I do just as well with I want you, I need you, I believe in you, would I want you to explain such things to me and what would be your incentive? I wish I could do as Elton John and write you a song or any of the plethora of things he mentions and I will do what I can do regardless but to quote another song “fear is the heart of love” scary huh?

The things any man would do to keep you and yet here I am the one and I think you’ll have to do everything in your power to stop me. Take my hand in yours to stop me from buying pretty much everything your heart desires because how I want to believe it is me… You’ll have to shut me up with kisses, who knows, on one hand, you’ll be saving my life because my heart might be right out of my chest and on the other I can’t breathe.

You give me everything reason to love you and I’ll always believe that you deserve more, I’ll reach for you in the night, I’ll tremble, when the house settles I’ll still worry not about some bill collector, or thief, well maybe the woman who stole my heart. How some think calling a man a dog is a bad thing, I might always have this thing they call puppy love for you, hopeless devoted, so sad.

Already I don’t know if that’s too much or not enough but after all, you are still here beside me and I just have to ask, You Want A Medal?

I Will Have No Fear