Tag: Worry

Log 107 ~Must Go Faster Will~

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Last week I talked about the open road, got my driver’s license renewed, found my way to my kid’s hotel, and even visited with my Olds, good thing I got the car fixed, but where am I off to now? Must Go Faster Will.

Wednesday, October 16, 2019

Log 107 ~Must Go Faster Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM A Billionaire right now, so sorry Bernie Sanders I want mine. For now, I’ll settle with being fearless, the impossible dream I know. Hell, what I did today I would have at one point said was impossible. A rite of passage if you will, like losing your virginity, getting a job, or getting married. The things I will do for a woman as always. So what is it I did today besides make my Firstborn look like a hippie, or is it Bohemian? You know I wish I could tell you, it’s too humiliating Inspector.

It’s something to the tune of Franklin Clinton’s first “job.” Am I the only one who walks into a bank and thinks how to take one down. No Inspector Echo, but I would have been paying somebody all sorts of money when I was downtown today. If anything, I would have died well dressed, and let’s not get started on my driver’s license photo. It’s how I felt at the time, all wide-eyed and panicked, which explains why I’m not sleeping. I’ve seen everything today, and even my Olds didn’t scare me as much as my actions. You want embarrassing, asking everyone about my shirt. Scared to put on my Firstborn’s collar because he hates getting dressed. Was he tacky at TheDogStop that the ladies gave me another collar for him? It was free, but nearly wrecking today on the highway wouldn’t be I know.

I’m still “trying” to read How To Stop Worrying And Start Living. Strange I was living by one of the principles, imagine the worst, accept it, improve it too. I’m sitting there thinking, the worst thing that could happen is I die. I’m not suicidal, Inspector Echo. It was sort of like GTA when flying a plane. Taking off and landing, that’s the hard part. Once you’re coasting along, well you have time to reflect. I won’t lie to you Inspector Echo I’m still scared. The thing is I didn’t die, and I know what I did must be done. I know if I expect to have a wife and a family if I want to get anywhere in the world. My little boy faced his fear so why can’t I? Eric Thomas talks about running towards the fight, and I’ve been running away forever.

Sorry, if I want the world, Must Go Faster Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 106 ~Looking For Mr. Will~

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Yes another long nap today and then a fashion shoot courtesy of Amazon shopping and getting some hoots and hollers from the ladies, which was a bit of fun, still I’m looking for what all the fuss was about in the mirror. Looking For Mr. Will now

Tuesday, October 15, 2019

Log 106 ~Looking For Mr. Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but love is a gift. Well, love is plenty of things, to be honest. You know I’m one for music, but I will say that Aloe Blacc’s song “Wake Me Up” annoys me a bit. Not that I’m so tired at this point but more the lyrical content. “Love is the prize” for some reason I don’t agree. When I first met my Firstborn and yeah “our” firstborn, it was love at first sight. I saw this little ball of fluff held by a monster without a trace of fear. Strange that you didn’t think much of me either with our first, and I love you.

Is it me being a fan of Creed, that I could understand. Still, when I saw our child, I found myself thinking, “With Arms Wide Open.” You know, “I hope he’s not like me; I hope he understands.” I don’t only mean in the looks department, we’ve been down that road before. Someone once said that the more they try to understand women, the less they know. Even with all my business dealings, I share the sentiment. A great man said don’t try because women understand women and they hate each other. You know I love women; well you most of all and my girls. My Firstborn’s wife, I’m still hoping for puppies someday. Anyway to be the man that has all of this; I don’t know, I’m not seeing him in the mirror now.

One woman called me suave. Don’t get jealous, my love. All the songs are going to get me in trouble one day. Jay-Z said males shouldn’t be jealous that’s a female trait. Still surprises me when you get that way. Yeah, I should probably stop talking now. I should be more like Akon; when I was listening to “Never Gonna Get It. Here I am busy modeling, and you know I’m one for hoodies and NaNoWriMo t-shirts. Getting ready for Indiana Gone’s wedding, and I have to get all suave. Beats a few other choice words I could think of this evening. No matter the bank account, though, I’m still going to be the guy in jeans and a hoody. Forever and always I’ll be yours. You know anything though I want to see that guy staring back SIGH someday.

Mr. Will will see you now, Looking For Mr. Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 100 ~Will Man, Real Man~

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I told myself last year that a car would be the least of my troubles because I would be a millionaire and today I’m “complaining” about being out on the open road, and you know I’m a Scrooge when it comes to shoes. “Will Man, Real Man”

Wednesday, October 9, 2019

Log 100 ~Will Man, Real Man~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM A Billionaire right now, and have I ever mentioned, not a car guy. Inspector Echo, I swear when I “live the dream” I won’t have a dozen cars. Hell, I have made it a life goal that I’ll never leave my house again when I’m successful. Now, this is coming from a man that wants to own brothels, a strip club, a studio. Let’s not forget those modeling agencies both here and in Europe. The keyword there is man. I’m Will man, not a wheelman, and being real man SIGH?

I feel used and abused, damn near robbed, the people you can’t trust. How about something out of the Game Of Thrones, the things we do for love. Indiana Gone is one of my best friends, but love? You know I despise most of the people at the Day Job. I am no fan of Mazda at this second. So here I am being robbed to reach one. I’m Losing to be a loser at the other. Okay, Rule 15 states “I Take My Own Lumps” at Mazda. It’s called being an adult isn’t it Inspector Echo? I want to have a Bobby Hill moment and say “I quit.” Don’t get me wrong I am taking responsibility, what’s wrong with the car is my fault. Waiting to go to my friend’s wedding, I’m to blame. Not having the courage to escape a job that I can’t stand, yeah that’s all me Inspector Echo. Still not even a little bit, not even at all am I, as stated before, a wheelman.

I’m only Will, but the thing is I’m looking for more. Being a greedy S.O.B and that’s not changing anytime soon. You know I talk about my Firstborn all the time; am I the best daddy ever. I say it every week, the answer is no, but I want to be his hero. Only when it comes to the women in my life? Now and then, I miss wanting to be the knight on the white horse. The truth is, I want to know acceptance as one of the horsemen of the apocalypse. Why not something out of Disney Prince Ali Ababwa? Then again sticking with music, running is the story of my life, Run boy run, and I’m running on empty no doubt Echo.

Apologies because of all I am, Will Man, Real Man?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 099 ~Will Of Your Life~

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Well, it wasn’t laziness today, but crippling anxiety and exhaustion; people don’t understand how tiring stupidity can be, and I mean theirs for once, because I wasn’t a minstrel today. Still, I need a fan or two, more; “Will Of Your Life.”

Tuesday, October 8, 2019

Log 099 ~Will Of Your Life~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now but still greedy. What can I say, I want, I need, I love? Am I one of those that can only focus on me, My Love. Once upon a time I had myself a Christian phase. You know, in such faith, God never gets enough love. Now I could never find him, but when I woke up from my comatose nap, you know who I looked up suddenly? Lawrence Welk; I have no clue who that is still. Anyway, back to my phase, I have memories of a song saying something like this, order my steps.

My mother would tell me I would find my way. I would have preferred if she told me to be a Simple Kind Of Man. Yes, you remember when I danced with her at our wedding. There’re several things I want to tell her, but I can’t. You above everyone else should know there are so many things I need to say. You married a writer, a director, and a dreamer. I did a bit too much dreaming this afternoon, but at least it’s not the old day job anymore. Again I need to be a better man than that. I look in the mirror and know I must Carry On My Wayward Son. What can I say? I love being a fanboy of certain things. I love my Firstborn and all of our kids. Even though life is “perfect,” now I still enjoy a good apocalypse and a decent ending. Always know that I love you so much, babydoll.

The point is, when will I be a fan of myself? I don’t know Lawrence Welk, but for some reason I looked him up today. I fell asleep, but I knew my Firstborn would be here and you, of course, but I still ask why. I’m not Dennis Hof (I want to be bigger, though). Christian Grey, I am not close, but that’s years of erotic reading talking. I want to be as comfortable on bookshelves as I am in “Novelty” stores. Still I want to be no I’ll Be the greatest fan of your life. Okay I should turn the music off, but yeah, that was Lawrence Welk’s thing. Mine would be loving you because somehow I found you one day, but were you waiting, or were you searching?

Loving you knew, I was the Will Of Your Life.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 093 ~What The Health Will~

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Last week I talked about living and this one I’m an obsessed zombie when I’m not out for the count, and while I’m all for flesh, I could go out and get some real food but everybody’s time is valuable, even mine. “What The Health Will.”

Wednesday, October 2, 2019

Log 093 ~What The Health Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM A Billionaire right now, and it’s funny that I chose a photo of Dampé The Grave Keeper last week. It’s not right of me to think or feel this way with my many motivations. Still, aren’t I allowed to feel sick, and it is my fault. See Inspector Echo; I do take responsibility. Only this doesn’t make me any less of a Scrooge. Yeah, I should shut up, we haven’t even seen Halloween. Not digging the Christmas stuff at the Day Job but the burial is underway these sick days.

Yesterday I said I wasn’t sick. Now tell that to the McChicken sandwich and fries. What about a whole mess of sour gummy bears? Again nobody’s fault but mine because in the words of Idiocracy, “I Like Money.” I also like Indiana Gone, routine, and self-harm. So where does the pain go, again I take you back to yesterday and my YouTube binge? Girls, Girls, Girls as the song goes, along with some cash. I fucked up Sunday (LANGUAGE). So am I official back to Frapping? Well, Monday I bought a subscription to TeenStarlet and got Dennis Hof’s book on Audible. I also quit BrainBuddy; what I wasn’t using it at all. If it’s not women, it’s sleep. Where has all my energy gone; back to looking up girls. Hell Inspector Echo I fell asleep in my hoodie and sweat pants, all the lights on.

Tuesday continued to be humiliation in both jobs. I still have a model to talk too. The thing is I know what’s going on next week. I have to read that other Dale Carnegie title “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.” I was so exhausted I got the wrong book from Audible. Now before I continue my self-pitying, I will say that Norton let me down. I swear if it wasn’t the Facebook hack that scared me how about Norton’s services. I learned how to unsubscribe from Brainbuddy; I can cut off Norton’s extras. All this morning I was researching that. Okay Inspector Echo, full disclosure, Money Talks Taco Muncher and Dong Diner. I’m always good with the research, aren’t I? What about other people? How many Friend requests am I ignoring this time?

Now that’s sin above all else, and I’m sorry, Inspector Echo. It’s all about their time and mine as always. Only Will What The Health?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 092 ~Women Worry Waking Will~

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Last week I talked about my work or the job I want, but still, a man needs some downtime like today where I curled up in the covers and slept the rest of the day away; no I’m not sick but lazy? “Women Worry Waking Will” and my kid

Tuesday, October 1, 2019

Log 092 ~Women Worry Waking Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but mostly because I want to sleep. Don’t get me wrong; I won’t say you didn’t have something to do with the bedding selection. Next to a wedding ring, a bed should be something you know about who you spend your life with My Love. You can ask my Firstborn and his never-ending quest for comfy spots. A great man once said “What’s the point getting into bed alone?” Why all the bed talk; has today been so tiring? Yeah, a bit and I’m still hiding under the covers for now.

I could tell you all about waiting for my dream girl. The circle is now complete ha. Still, isn’t it ironic as the song goes, you’re the reason I want to wake up? At the same time, what you do for love can be exhausting. Here I am worried about beds when I should also invest in alarm clocks. At present, I have five still because I don’t want to waste a single second. Okay granted what about days like this like momma said? I promise it wasn’t even music today but audiobooks. You, my Firstborn, our other children, are the only ones I don’t mind breaking me out of my revelry. I say it all the time on Saturday I could just lay here with you and just forget the world. Nah, we’ll still be here together listening to Nuclear Pop. The thing is though Audible isn’t as bad as I thought, just saying.

Yeah, saying or doing anything from my nice warm bed. Besides the obvious when I look at you. My work, my woman, and my wee little puppy man. Now I can go Disney’s Aladdin and show you the world. There are days I need to be right here, lost in YouTube and movies. I don’t think I’ve eaten much today, but I’m not sick. Some part of me wants to say you don’t have to worry. However I kind of like it, and I’m not one to come down with the flu. Would you mind one more song, My Love:

“there’s nothing I can do
I only wanna be with you.”
Only Wanna Be With You, Hootie & The Blowfish

Yes, the best part of staying in bed, my world is here SIGH. So is Twilight and The Handmaid’s Tale. Sometimes Women Worry Waking Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 086 ~Will For A Living~

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Thinking of the could be humiliations kept me from a real one; I’m not living a past life I’m living in the what-if, and probably the best thing of all is that is what I call this existence as a father, businessman, entrepreneur? “Will For A Living.”

Wednesday, September 25, 2019

Log 086 ~Will For A Living~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM A Millionaire right now, but I’ll let somebody else handle the retail. For once, it would be nice to have a job where I don’t get sick every day. One where there isn’t any rage or I’m bored out of my mind. How about where I have enough to blow it on Hookers and Cocaine. I’m kidding of course Inspector Echo, but you know what isn’t a joke? Let’s see wasting most of a “Tuesday” afternoon, no. I got a message from a potential model today. Of all the things I organize in my life, women make me GASPS happy.

So yeah explain Melanie Rios, Abbey Brooks and Lane/Audrey Holiday. What about Kagney Linn Karter, Melody Parker, and that video of the girl with Uncle Harry. Hell, I wonder if he still alive; anyway Tia Monae, Cat Morris, Liz Vicious and Lizz Tayler? You know my grandfather was a P.I. Does it run in the family that’s how I’m so sure about my model? But she did fill out the form, so it wasn’t much tracking, but she’s the real deal. Now we get to the section of the story where I stumble, the return email. First I was late, still working out some kinks. Second, as always wondering; are you sure. Even if I wasn’t, this is getting in the door somewhat. Last I had two other girls and now that I know Craigslist wasn’t fucking up (LANGUAGE). Yeah, it was whatever I said.

I wish I could say I feel fantastic but notice that list of women. A miracle I’m still on NO FAP. Again it does beat going to the Day Job. Yes, one more sin imagining something worse. Oh like I’m not already a slave to my phone and tomorrow I’ll have to message to see what’s what. A job where I won’t have to feel ashamed every time I get out of bed. Where do I do most of my writing, and I’m still not at the dining room table. Didn’t even write that much today but I’m trying to stay one jump ahead. I might never write for Disney, but I have plenty of life goals. Tomorrow I could be a photographer or should I say I am, Law Of Attraction isn’t that right?

I am sorry though getting all excited, worried, and scared, but Will For A Living.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 079 ~Don’t Kill The Will~

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Here I go again about writing and women. You know this is why I’m so good at time travel, the more things change, the more they stay the same, so why do I even need to deliver the same message? “Don’t Kill The Will,” pretty please

Wednesday, September 18, 2019

Log 079 ~Don’t Kill The Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM A Millionaire right now; though people would jack me for less. Relax Inspector Echo, I’m still on NO FAP, but it’s hard. Now, what is it I told A&W at the Day Job, “this is why I don’t talk to women” Well it might be my mouth, and then it could be my email. I’ve messaged three models, of those two, had high potential. No responses, so what is my sin? I’m staying motivated, but my firstborn’s been sick, and I hit two spider webs when we went out walking.

Am I only the bearer of bad news. I did smack myself today because of my anxiety. Hell Inspector am I only talking to myself. I’ve checked my email accounts, but I haven’t heard anything from Outskirts Press either. Do you want to talk about Patreon? I’m not that guy that’s busy complaining, remember TIBU. What about how I spoke to MILF Dos today. Even now I get that twinge that if I say something, bam lost another friend. Wasn’t I complaining a few days ago about how I’m one friend down? Now have you ever heard that saying about would you like yourself if you met yourself? At the Day Job besides A&W, who’s a “friend,” him and his White Guilt, who respects me there? The more important question is, how am I going to launch this modeling business.

No worries on the part of Dennis Hof; he passed away. Anyway, it hasn’t stopped me from wanting to reread his book. Speaking of novels, I did finish “Unhinged,” one of my six impossible things down. What sort of guy does that make me Inspector Echo? I could go further with my ads. The work excites me, but people seeing who I am? As I said, I messaged people, could be scams, what if they’re not? All-day I’ve thought about buying that file upload software. Still, sending people to my blog, Patreon, Facebook, well shoot? When I would write words for guys to get their girls to drop their panties, well damn. I’m playing Cyrano de Bergerac all over again. The only thing now is, I’m hiding from myself and the small network I have.

I’m sorry I don’t have a better face. I apologize I’m asking so much of so many, but I won’t dare. Hard to live with but Don’t Kill The Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 072 ~Will’s Pretty A Mused~

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The two things I sit down at my computer for, writing and women; whatever happened to my dreams of world domination I ask you but wouldn’t that be a major sin on top of everything else? “Will’s Pretty A Mused.”

Wednesday, September 11, 2019

Log 072 ~Will’s Pretty A Mused~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM A Millionaire right now; if only I had been a better man. On 2001 today I was sitting in my senior English class when my country suffered a terrorist attack. Hell I was in the Navy for a few weeks but not because of 9/11. If I had the cash would I have helped? I nearly failed that class Inspector Echo. So what have I been studying this week? Last week it was Sin Stocks and Sean Weathers. For the past few days it’s been Ads, Lighting Fixtures, and prices for actresses here and there.

I swear Inspector Echo I rise for three reasons. If my firstborn needs me for anything, his life is my number one priority. I bragged about him to my sister on her birthday. Of course it’s right after my “DAY.” Did I mention that Ruby Tuesday still sucks? Unlike my taste in women right? I haven’t been referring to temptations these days because real life has been; well I don’t know. I was excited after I got that message yesterday; now she was beautiful. The second one I got today, as the song goes I’m a ladies’ man a businessman. Now that brings me to what I did by placing that Ad for my book. So my other two reasons for being, writing, and sex. Well not sex I’m not STUPID though fear has screwed with my judgment. MILF Dos is starting a business so why not me, especially now.

The Day Job has me terrified enough. I also have the fear that the police are going to show up any minute. Remember, I got arrested at my punishment school? High school fun right Inspector? The cops did show up maybe a month or so ago at the Day Job. Somebody pushed the wrong button. Now isn’t that a sin, my guilt complex? More like all I do these days is pushing the wrong button. I’m trying to stay a day ahead, but I killed a few hours on my Ad. The moment I go looking for models somebody comes with more wit and money. Brevity as THEY say, but I’m pretty wordy. At least that wind, those breaths aren’t over my pillow, I’m “working.” Yeah, looking up Amazon and how to do File Upload forms right here Inspector Echo.

I apologize for saying no at the Day Job but now Will’s Pretty A Mused.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 065 ~Get Off Will’s Lawn~

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I suppose I should feel blessed. My “father” offered to pay if I find somebody to cut the lawn. I had a maid too once upon a time, and I’m looking for a new one. All Hell am I lazy or getting older. “Get Off Will’s Lawn”

Wednesday, September 4, 2019

Log 065 ~Get Off Will’s Lawn~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM A Millionaire right now; only I lack a “green” thumb in other areas. The front yard is a mess. My firstborn is giving me looks about the backyard. Hell Inspector Echo, he’s an old man like me these days. Shouldn’t I show gratitude for being this old and having a yard to complain about anyway?

Yes, that comes from one of my motivations; start the day with gratitude. I start my day off with temptations, those two being today Tifa Lockhart and MILF Dos. I should also add Tessa Fowler to the mix. Seriously a fake FB profile of “Amanda Casanova.” Somebody knows my type of woman well That’s What I Like. Now Money, That’s What I Want. I apologize for all the musical references, hell I’m still paying for Spotify. Yesterday though after getting my kid’s vitamins and treats, I couldn’t resist McDonald’s. Add my desire for fast food to that of boobs. Oh you know we’re going to get into that today and tomorrow. If you need something more wholesome though, there’s my firstborn. I sat outside the other day while he played because there were too many kids around. I was almost the old man yelling get off my lawn; time Echo.

In my mirror, I see it every day; my face is growing gray. Do I want to tell you how old I am? You know I nearly forgot about “The Day.” I should have put it in my Six Impossible Things. There are no plans for surviving one more when I should have been dead years ago. Now I’m not suicidal, but I am horny as Hell. Talk about get off my lawn; it’s a struggle resisting the call. Meaning hand in my pants; NO FAP sucks, and yesterday and even now is crazy. These past dark days have been all about sex work. Isn’t that the dream job and I won’t apologize for that. Since I couldn’t stocks and bonds, I’ve been studying up on the business. If not research then I’m still reading Beautiful Tears, I’m still ahead some. I want to write erotica, but again you know my vision extends far beyond.

Sean Weathers, for example, I don’t know what I felt when I discovered him. Whitney Wright who is also a favorite is moving behind the camera some. I’m sorry it’s taking so long; so much yelling Get Off Will’s Lawn.

I Will Have No Fear