Tag: Exhaustion

Log 137 ~Will “Byes” A Day~

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Eric Thomas would say, “you owe you an explanation” and here it is, I got twenty-four hours, and I chose to sleep the day away and not take, hell I could even complain about the job on my kid’s nails. “Will “Byes” A Day”

Friday, November 15, 2019

Log 137 ~Will “Byes” A Day~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and to stay that way, I have to keep on my grind every day. So I ask myself today, what happened, Will? Let’s start with last night. I had finished speaking with you know who and suddenly I couldn’t post anything. I’m beginning to dislike my ISP. You can tell Lady Sophia that I’m attempting to keep myself in check for a variety of reasons. I only got around two hours of sleep last night as I wanted to figure out what the problem was and get it repaired. Didn’t I say I have the patience of a saint somewhere, Sophia?

Anyway, I go to the Day Job and guess what, the day off was back on, their fault not mine. I’m ready to attack the day; only there’s no fight, so I come back. One hour later, I’m back in bed asleep with My Dæmon, who is so confused. I am too honestly considering he was to get a nail grind, and I saw his nails afterward. Shouldn’t I be writing a review of PetSmart? I could have taken My Dæmon elsewhere, but I was looking for easy street. I couldn’t even be bothered to write my 5,000 words today because I was conked out. Hell, I have forgotten to read up on; how to jump-start a car battery SIGH. What about texting M Anime I could have at least gotten that done today? Lastly, I signed over my child for “spa treatment.” Well, at least his head isn’t messed up from whatever he was doing outside at some point.

When I was at the Day Job, what did I tell them, “bye” as soon as the opportunity arose? I said goodbye to the sun as soon as it met the sky, and of course, My Dæmon had his walk. There was a see you later to any common sense when my head hit the pillow. I am grateful, though. Everything began working again. Well, not me, I mean, at least I’m not in bed tonight, typing away. There are even more positive vibes because I can post this on Facebook. Of course, I can’t tell you the mailing list I signed up for, though. Will tomorrow be any better Lady Sophia, I have plenty of writing to do tonight.

What’s a decent night’s sleep cost; Will “Byes” A Day.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 133 ~Rage Can Kill, But Who~

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I wrote a poem about RAGE once, but I think 28 Days Later, and the sequel said it so much the better than I ever could, but what I wouldn’t give for a beautiful apocalypse or how about the ability to utter NO. “Rage Can Kill, But Who?”

Monday, November 11, 2019

Log 133 ~Rage Can Kill, But Who~

Hundred And Tenth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and is this the way wrong rule for today? Hell, I’m tempted to say it’s the perfect rule for today, that, of course, disqualifies me from posting some places. Even at this moment in time, I’m mad as Hell, and I know I’m going to be exhausted in the morning. Not because I’m letting NaNoWriMo down, I kicked ass there (LANGUAGE). Would I do better to list all the things I’m not mad at tonight? My dæmon, how about my work ethic, and not you Madam Justice.

First and foremost, I hate my Day Job, with the heat from a thousand suns. You wonder why I’m not published yet because that work is burning all the pages. Do I talk about how the Truck can be overwhelming, or more to the point those damn people (LANGUAGE)? What about the shower this morning? The things I come up with, and it wasn’t like I was even remotely horny. No, I made a conscious decision. I swear that scene from a particular anime movie I won’t name. Yeah, people already think I’m a psycho or worse. Cherry might like it, though. Speaking of which, FEAR, Madam Justice. I can’t talk to specific people because of such terror. I didn’t say what needed to be said at work today. NaNoWriMo is being held up because of the FEAR of losing my position, and you know I need the money now.

I can quote Yoda, you know, fear, anger, hate, suffering, but who am I hurting? You see what time it is, but I’m still up because I’m a man of my word. Okay, so I’m a clown now too because I can’t that with a straight face. Can I tell you all the stuff I wanted to say to my boss; how many times would I have to call myself out on language. Don’t even get me started on other employees. I want the world to go away, but again I’m not crazy or suicidal. Well, if I keep having nights like this, I won’t have to worry about it. I’ll drop dead. So I can’t indulge in my self-help phase. I haven’t gotten to play Far Cry 5 or Fallout 4 any and what about the state of the real country, no politics today. It’s Veterans Day; I’m Grateful.

Rage Can Kill But Who?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 130 ~Willingly Writing Z Day~

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Great day of writing, but I got it done though at the moment I feel like something akin to the walking dead, and how dare I besmirch their name or even that of Z Nation with my novel. “Willingly Writing Z Day.”

Friday, November 8, 2019

Log 130 ~Willingly Writing Z Day~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now and winning NaNoWriMo. One day I have to get over what it’s like to sound positive about myself. Well, I wasted two days WHEW now that feels much better to say, but still, it’s unhealthy. Now, this is a good question, is anything I write healthy. I could go on and on about all the guys that got laid with my work. Okay, that should have been yesterday, but of course, you know what I did write about SIGH. You don’t, okay, well, that answers why I’m not published yet. Only let me be positive; the next chapter will be this, Knowledge Of Knockouts and Knockers.

Hell, if a specific website had its way, along with a particular model, I’m into the small ones. Let me count all the ways things get taken out of context these days. For example, “THEY” talk about trickle-down economics. The problem is wealthy people never know satisfaction. Earlier this very morning, I was listening to one of my motivations. So it says you have to fill your cup up first with the positive. How many times am I going to use the word “positive?” The same number of times I’ll say the title, The “Wrist” of Playing Chronos, right? I’m still on the idea of using the letters of the alphabet. So far, I’ve burned through B T H C G and I, so not much progress from last week. I got to keep telling myself, again, I’m okay, but I could be at least 16,000 words in if I hadn’t wasted those two days.

Okay, so what have we discovered so far? The “Wrist” of Playing Chronos is about a watch called “The Question Of Chronos,” one of The Thirteen Tools of the Gods. It follows the protagonist as he attempts to protect it from everyone and how best to use its powers. What powers do you ask; can you keep a secret? I said before that no one is reading this, but again who knows. Only that reminds me of Norton. Well, if you remember last week I was a nervous wreck. Now with the end of this week, there has only been one bout of weirdness but no warning emails as far as I know. Still, I rather talk about my story when I should be writing.

There’s no sex or zombies but Willingly Writing Z Day.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 126 ~Pillows Are Stronger Than Most~

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Up against the wall mother, well no, back against the pillow, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon unless I get hungry enough, and right now it’s my stomach versus my head; try harder fridge. “Pillows Are Stronger Than Most”

Monday, November 4, 2019

Log 126 ~Pillows Are Stronger Than Most~

Hundred And Ninth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but wiser words? Today’s rule is the perfect example because I had such plans for this afternoon. Like something out of 500 Days of Summer, the Expectations versus Reality scene. In that world, this conversation has come and gone, and I’m working on The “Wrist” Of Playing Chronos. I was even all fired up because of my Motivations. Madam Justice, to be honest, the Day Job is getting worse, but I was working pretty damn hard (LANGUAGE). Only I come back to the house and oh pillows.

I believe when I wrote Rule 109, I meant it more as a state of sadness. Considering what was on my mind in the shower, I would have every right to be Madam. Hell, cut me some slack. I didn’t even get three hours of uninterrupted shut-eye. Now, of course, I wish I could say it was worth it, the sacrifice. How’s NaNoWriMo going this month? Well, am I going to hit today’s goal before the end of tonight? What about the STUPID idea? (Shudders) About using a different letter of the alphabet for each chapter? Here take a look:

Chapter I Buttons, All Shapes and Sizes B
Chapter II Tight Type Of Time Management T
Chapter III Hands Across An American Girl H
Chapter IV Put Your Clothes On Chronos C
Chapter V Gears Looking At You Kid G

Whose Line Is It Anyway, Things you can say about and to your pillow but not your girlfriend? I suck at improv Madam Justice. Speaking of the things that I miss watching “His Dark Materials.” You know I barely watch wrestling as is, but I’m going to use that as an excuse to quit writing.

Madam Justice, I’m supposed to be writing about pillows right. Well, this is more Inspector’s Justice’s and Dirty Diana’s thing, but do you know what I once did with pillows? Did I throw away all that porn, hmm? Okay, let’s stay positive; pillows have held me up more than most people and are more readily available. My little dæmon, of course, is always on a quest for more comfy spots. You would think due to my constant naps; I would take better care shopping for pillows. My therapist, my temptations, and the better part of most days considering this moment?

People, Madam Justice, well no. What about my dreams, nightmares Pillows Are Stronger Than Most.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 123 ~Writing To The Will~

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With all this writing on the brain, I didn’t have time to mention two of my greatest fears this morning; one more thing to be grateful for, but I’ll see how I feel around 10:00 AM only then I should find myself lost to my words. “Writing To The Will”

Friday, November 1, 2019

Log 123 ~Writing To The Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and still, I say to you, Happy NaNoWriMo. If I had all the money in the world, my writing isn’t going anywhere. Yes, I heard what I said, and with the chance of sounding like Trump, you know what I mean. I’m like Finn from Great Expectations, that’s the 1998 movie for those paying attention. Do you know how long I gave up writing only to come back to it? Well, this morning an hour late but Eric Thomas wakes up at 3:00 AM. My motivations say to wake up at 4:00 AM and to start the day with gratitude so.

I’m grateful that I haven’t awoken to an Ant Invasion. You know me far too well, Lady Sophia, the BUT is that it hasn’t been twenty-four hours even. In the kitchen, there’s already a box of ant killers, and I ordered more. Now that leads me to more gratitude as in Chinese food delivery and Walmart shopping. Okay, but I’m spending even more money because I don’t want to get it myself ever. I already told you it’s NaNoWriMo season, so why am I looking at a copy of Fallout 4? Today I’m expecting Far Cry 5, and you know I get Motion Sickness. Speaking of sickness, I’m thankful for non-recurring payments. Teen Starlet cut off my access, yay. Of course, they did that while I was in the process of downloading one more girl. Fifty-Nine in total, so I got most of who I wanted, so plenty of inspiration.

So like those witches, I started to talk about, but that was in another novel. What about the one I should be writing after our conversation. Whenever I decide to leave temptation, hell, I could have gotten a lot more sleep. Strangely that’s what this story might be saying. Only a little less sleep and a lot more Chronomentrophobia. Why is everyone I write about so much smarter, stricter, and even sexually adept? Am I trying to tell myself something? I say that about my dreams all the time, and last night it was about a marriage. Indiana Gone was also in it and a bag of Mesquite Barbecue Chips. Her faith and all the junk food I’m going to need to get this done. How about characters, protagonist, doctor, love interest, someone else, etc.

SIGH, Writing To The Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 116 ~Those Who Will Tell~

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Last week around this time, I said I had no energy to tell my story because it was merely a cloud of fear surrounding me, and even sitting in bed back where I belong, there is still so much. Those Who Will Tell because it might not be me anymore

Friday, October 25, 2019

Log 116 ~Those Who Will Tell~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but not a snitch. Now how I wish I knew where that no snitching rule came from anyway. How did I understand the meaning of the term BLACKMAIL by the time I was in first grade? Is this a terrible time to mention it’s one of my favorite genres in Hentai?

Well, no but then again the facts speak for themselves. Shusaku, Eisai Kyoiku, Kojin Taxi/Sex Taxi, The Blackmail Tomorrow Never Ends, etc. Okay, I’m calming down, today isn’t Friday, but I don’t dictate life. Only isn’t that precisely what I’m trying to do being a writer and all. I heard recently “They say life is a bitch, yeah, I know her.” Of course, that explains 90% of what I write if I’m indeed generous. So I have been too much for sharing recently. Hell, I even talked to my “father” a day or so ago about my Ma and her panicking. It’s hard to give words to those that refuse to listen, though I should adopt that NO attitude with more than my son. It wouldn’t help with what I’ve been going through recently, but that’s indeed why I write. Yes, too much, Lady Sophia.

Another email from Norton, I would feel flattered if I was more than a zero. I would tell whoever to quote another song, “It’s not easy to be me.” Every day I’m still learning about the man I am. Do I need to pull out all the reasons that I write? Winston Smith in 1984, talks about getting out his internal monologue. Maybe something to that effect. Nothing I could say will wash away the horrors I keep everywhere. Still, I desire the opportunity to explain rather than have a picture be my possible finale.

For example, if you look at me now, an old man typing in bed. My Firstborn is asleep on my knee while I’m surrounded by Hentai DVDs mostly. Yeah, I had to look up The Blackmail, and for a moment I thought it was lost or stolen. Now Lady Sophia, that’s the whole point of me “coming clean” tonight. It feels like the stories I want to tell are the targets of thieves. The hours I spend at the Day Job, some unknown hacker, the time I sleep away. Meanwhile, What am I publishing, not a damn thing, and I was too lazy to call (LANGUAGE). Those Who Will Tell

I Will Have No Fear

Log 112 ~Judge No One Improve Yourself~

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A great man once said, if they want to crucify me I have the hammer and the nails, and me being a Scrooge and everything I don’t share, so I try not to hurt others but only myself yet I could myself a sadist ha. “Judge No One Improve Yourself,” I try

Monday, October 21, 2019

Log 112 ~Judge No One Improve Yourself~

Hundred And Seventh Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and other than exhaustion, I’ve semi-recovered. My sides have quit hurting, and my foot feels fine. Best news of all, my Firstborn is home where he belongs. I use the term HOME loosely. Where the heart is as “THEY” say, and I love my son like pancakes. Now pancakes sound pretty delicious even at 3:40 PM. I could use some real food, but of course, I’ve slept the day away. Okay, so that brings me to my point, which is an improvement in my sleeping, if anything.

The house is still a mess, and my inbox keeps piling up. If I were listening to Dale Carnegie, I would remember dealing with one thing at a time. I like you, Madam Justice, but I’m only now getting up to talk at all. I am listening to my kid more, but does that make me a better father? If anything, it is FEAR that makes me want to do anything to be better in any aspect of my life. Still, as the song goes, madness takes its toll. What about this morning. Why didn’t I take the highway this morning? Driving with my son in tow is dangerous enough. I don’t want to go back to the man I was Madam Justice. Last week was a plethora of self-improvement, mixed with possible death. You know I always want to become more than what I am; there’s no choice even.

Now, as for judging other people, I don’t. Yeah, I know what you’re saying, women. I like what I like, and I don’t hate looks. Yes, hate is wrong regardless, but people’s actions dictate that type of response. I was watching TWD last night, so take Negan, for example. Saved Judith, Dog, and Arron, but brutally murdered two people, more, and ignited a war. It almost resulted in a genocide. Negan must be held accountable for his crimes, but he can become better than his yesterdays. It’s the same as me in a way though I’ve never committed 90% of the sins people accuse and speak of Justice. No wonder I dream of becoming so great to make up for well everything. I am my own worst enemy Madam Justice.

I’m Scrooge, I’m selfish and shallow but remember Rule Thirteen? I won’t ask you not to judge, but for everyone, Judge No One Improve Yourself?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 109 ~The Stories, Will Tell~

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So many tales to tell and so little time or no energy because when you’re fighting fear; well, at least I can say I won, but what about tomorrow and the next day. What is my Firstborn doing; I hope he gets a chance to tell. The Stories, Will Tell heh

Friday, October 18, 2019

Log 109 ~The Stories, Will Tell~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but that’s only one more story. You know how I am with my motivations, so I am grateful to be alive to tell them. Honestly, though, I don’t know what to say. Am I scared, humiliated, exhausted, all of the above and then some? I guess I can say I beat the bastard (Language). Now that particular fellow is FEAR, still waiting for round two. What about my Olds, I knew it was a matter of time before they called checking-in dammit (Language). There is also an email from dear Norton.

I’m too tired to go over any of that, Lady Sophia. Did I mention that I’m mad as Hell, but that’s no surprise? I forget things, I still carry hope, and even when I’m fighting back FEAR, I always screw up. Does it matter how you win a fight against your demons? It does when you have someone you care for, no doubt. I may hate my “old man,” but I could never picture him behaving as I did today. Only one more reason my Firstborn is safe and sound. Hell, my mother is talking to my father right now, and “my place” is a literal crime scene. What is it about people being into me and at the same time not? Again I always carry that hope, and yet I don’t have any condoms and no prospects. I am in my purest form right now, words and nothing else.

I wonder what Indiana Gone would think if she saw me now. I’m shivering, starving, and seeing ghosts. No, I’m not dead yet, but I did give it the good college try. The funny thing is I was trying to stay alive. Well, I did Yoda proud because I was doing that, I’m still right here. I should crack open “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.” Now all I can remember is Day-Tight Compartments, but with everything today? I want to tell you everything, but this story is still in the making. Okay, if I had a list only for tonight, something like this:

  1. Find Food
  2. Answer M Anime
  3. Look Up Indiana Gone’s plans
  4. Play TWD and attempt to recover

I’ll have far too much time to worry, my son, my privacy, the journey here.

Makes me miss my foot hurting, The Stories, Will Tell

I Will Have No Fear

Log 102 ~Penning, Petting, Punching, Will~

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My week has been a punishing one, to say the least, when it should be a publishing one but shouldn’t they all be; you can tell that to the people I work for, wasn’t I supposed to be off today, nope. Penning, Petting, Punching, Will, I think

Friday, October 11, 2019

Log 102 ~Penning, Petting, Punching, Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now or at least pretending this is living. When’s the last time I even saw the Den, having confined myself to bed. In sickness and in health, but that’s more Indiana Gone’s thing at the moment. If I were getting married, I would love getting lost in a hotel room and a pretty little wife for a few days. Not sleeping, ha.

I can’t say I have been working on wedding vows ever. When I was walking my Firstborn today, I was working on political speeches. Once upon a time, I wished to be the Secretary of Defense. Hell my mentor, wasn’t only a Pimp but ran for office and won after death. In all honesty, if given such a choice though I would still be a provider of beautiful women than the President. You deal with people, but as I show, I do a lot for pussy (LANGUAGE). You know how I get with alliteration, and I haven’t been working on Pinterest. What about my terrific model search? I need to go ahead and publish the book first. I’m a writer even here in my bed because the car was again, very expensive. The pen is mightier than the penis, perhaps.

My Firstborn is quite understanding of my exhaustion. From sitting in waiting rooms to shopping for food, friends, and fighting spirit. The Day Job is wiping me out, but yeah I need the money. For the first time in some time, I can say I worked over forty hours. My motivations would say be grateful. Of course everyone else would add, hello this is America and welcome to it boy. My son, though, deserves extra petting with everything happening now.

Life is hard, which is simply a fact. Every day Lady Sophia it’s as if I am at war with myself fighting to be something more. All my motivations would say be yourself, and The Matrix shows know thyself. Now here I am writing, and I ask the question, do you see me changing or evolving at all. I could always check and see who I was at this time three years ago. If I’m honest I think it would hurt to see. Again life is hard, and the truth hurts, repeated lessons as always My Lady. I told Cherry, I’m a reflective gangbanger, quite often Penning, Petting, Punching, Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 357 ~Backbreaking Escape Of Will~

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One more week down, I only worked three days but between shuffling B III between the Vet and back home so I could go shopping, from buying Chinese “everything” to stopping at Taco Bell am I carrying the world or traveling. Backbreaking Escape Of Will

Sunday, June 23, 2019

Episode 357 ~Backbreaking Escape Of Will~

To Will:
I AM a Millionaire right now, and you have gained a dollar more. $565.16 if we count up your savings to this point today. So why should you be afraid? Do yourself a favor and don’t ponder that question. If anything you’re more pissed; animals don’t know any better, but people do and let’s say that today was a long walk. A long walk for Atlas for its one thing to have the world on your shoulders. Now take that same world when it’s in pieces trying to keep it all together Will.

No wonder all you want to do is rest. Eric Thomas says if you can look up, you can get up. I don’t think he was talking about the internet. What have you searched this week that helps with your future? A Cup Cuties #2 with Alyssa Branch, there’s Marsha May, how about Sara Luvv from FTV Girls. My how you do enjoy “Is That Porn” even yesterday you were too far gone. Hell, last night was better than the one before, B III going all over the place. Surprised your neck doesn’t have more kinks, up down, over and over. If we’re going to talk about kinks from Fondling Fetching Faith, to Latex Losing Lena. My Mistress Mattress Michon. Don’t look down, right but it beats the shit (LANGUAGE) all over the place. Speaking of which, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 003 No Fap)
  2. I Will Be The “Father” B III Deserves
    Failed
  3. I Will Name My Novel And Write A Back Cover Of It
    Failed
  4. I Will Review The Five
    Failed
  5. I Will Have “GULP” Published, $1,212 Outskirts Press
    Failed
  6. I Will Finish Reading Beauty in the Broken: A Diamond Magnate Novel by Charmaine Pauls Failed
  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
  3. I AM Naming My Novel And Writing A Back Cover Of It
  4. I AM Reviewing The Five
  5. I AM Preparing For NaNoWriMo, A New Novel
  6. I AM Finishing Reading Beauty in the Broken: A Diamond Magnate Novel by Charmaine Pauls

Burn rubber as the song goes, but your soul needs rest. No, I’m not going to get all religious on you or become your teacher, another zero. The fact that you got up and aren’t going back to bed. Lounging on pillows or the love seat sigh. That my friend is a miracle, it’s you attempting to escape your mediocrity. For others, it’s far too easy running away, a blocked button, a monstrous word like stalking. How about another sort of report card? According to Pinterest though my influence is growing. You’re so full of quotes today like that one from O’Brien in 1984. What about Beauty in the Broken that you should have read by now. You spend so much time down that the book looks brand new when you rise again. Is that why all these synapses are firing off now, The Kinks, HIMYM, Victoria, Don’t Look Down, Biker Boyz, on and on.

“Burn rubber but not your soul” Biker Boyz

“Sometimes, Winston. Sometimes they are five. Sometimes they are three. Sometimes they are all of them at once. You must try harder. It is not easy to become sane.” 1984

You’re Limitless, but you must know Backbreaking Escape Of Will.

I Will Have No Fear