Gospel 062 ~Willing To Say Anything~

Last week I said something about people disappearing, and I don’t need the usual magic words. If you ever read what I write, it’s like Spinelli and Maxie all over again. You know, from General Hospital years ago? Willing To Say Anything to not be me.

Tuesday, September 1, 2020

Gospel 062 ~Willing To Say Anything~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which could make me a Republican or at least a fan. No, never, as the song goes, I’ll Be (the greatest fan of your life.) Yes, I know it’s getting kind of late, and I can’t say I’m an expert at pillow talk or speech period. One more reason I’m a writer and this. I write to test out everything I want to say and to learn what I shouldn’t. Being your man and all, I know plenty of things a woman says when she’s annoyed. There are things a man shouldn’t forget. Then there’s these.

When you say nothing at all. Damn, I want to tell you everything, but I’m still afraid of how it will look. If I say nothing, then I know I can’t screw anything up, and I never mastered that courtly love concept. If you say nothing, then you’re like all the rest in my life. Obsessed with that idea, right? Baby girl, I believe love is a chemical, a drug, an obsession. You’ve seen all these people breaking up during the plague era who can’t stand to be around each other for ten minutes. I said I would share my life, and I mean it. My soul is in my writing. Do you know what it’s like to have it be seen and tossed aside like so much garbage? That’s why it takes forever for me to let you see it. I want you to be better, I want you to say something, please anything.

I tell you I love you, and you know that the phrase is used far too often. Hell, I shared one of my first books with a woman, and that scared her off quick. Such was her vanity, or so I believe. I don’t mean to complain, but how am I going to get to sleep tonight. Well, besides doing that, ha. Again the things I want to say to you, My Love or more to the point, do to you. It still surprises me that you haven’t left. There’s this movie I saw once. It’s about an artist who got married but lost his spark because his wife didn’t understand him or his work. Slaves To Passion, I guess. If I could tell you everything though… Stay With Me.

Let My Baby Stay, I pray. Willing To Say Anything.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 161 ~Be A Man Of Action~

Something that both heroes and villains have in common; they both take action, and while I want to say I’m 49% to 51% if anything as the song goes, I’m only a man a good one, a bad one, maybe alright but lights, camera. Be A Man Of Action, Will.

Monday, December 9, 2019

Log 161 ~Be A Man Of Action~

Hundred And Fourteenth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and if this morning is any sign, a man of action. Let’s start with the Six Impossible Things. Sad to say, I’ve already failed at #2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves. Numbers 1, 5, and 6 I’m handling. #4 is doable, and #3 well, there is a reason I use the word Impossible. Look at the time though, think of the day that lies before me, the choice I made only moments before. Begin each day with gratitude, isn’t that right? I’m grateful I woke up, for my weird dreams, and Far Cry 5.

Yeah, if there is any action I take on the regular, it’s complaining. I’m on the Easy setting and still, almost got killed. How much time did I spend learning the controls? My Motion Sickness was a smidge better. Now, didn’t I say something about weird dreams? I don’t want to sound like the President or offend any veterans. Last night/this morning, I was dreaming about Vietnam? Here’s the offensive part, that’s how I view my life. For right now at least I’ve volunteered, I don’t know whether it’s right or wrong. If anything, I only “want” to serve. By the end of the day, without a doubt, I’m going to be in some “less optimal” state. I won’t be the same man that’s talking to you right now, Madam Justice, that’s for sure. How did Jada Cato put it? “It all went downhill after I put my pants on.”

Again gratitude, here and now I’m doing something I enjoy even if I’m tired. At this rate, I could knock out two of my Six Impossible Things before the day is over. I’ll continue working hard for my son, and I’ll get some more tips to play the game tonight. These all need to become habits instead of falling for whatever joke the pillow wants to tell. If I stay busy, I don’t have time to worry, or that’s something I learned from Dale Carnegie. Get busy living and all the rest from The Shawshank Redemption. Didn’t the movie “Young Einstein” talk about being a man of action? Of course, I can’t forget King Ezekiel from TWD. There might be something to my love of movies and the zombie genre.

Media, swimming, run boy run, Be A Man Of Action.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 154 ~Heroes Die Or Must Watch~

Last week I talked about being hurt, you know who gets a lot of that, heroes unless you’re Superman maybe and at this stage in the game I’m far more Marvel than DC, that’s the truth, but I’m also no hero. Heroes Die Or Must Watch.

Monday, December 2, 2019

Log 154 ~Heroes Die Or Must Watch~

Hundred And Thirteenth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I’m no hero. Well, sure, I walked my Dæmon around a pretty big dog today. I might have stopped following people on Twitter because I want to be a better man. So what I had a big lunch today and I’m fighting off sleep. Madam Justice, I wouldn’t mind being the hero, but I’m not. Wasn’t I telling Cherry the other day about Climate Change and how people should worry and be fearful? What am I doing to save the Earth? How about a friend who’s hurting? I wouldn’t help merely out of the kindness of my heart, sad to say?

As one rule goes, Heroes Die. If that’s the case, I want to live. Yes, I heard what I said, and to be clear, I’m not a doctor either. I should stop talking about my ear before I end up like Left Ear from The Italian Job. We’ll get back to my love of movies later. One more thing I’m thinking about is charity. I’m sure you’ve heard me say it before, but I only give to animals and NaNoWriMo. Madam Justice, I will never understand why the least amongst us are always asked to pay. There are people with billions that don’t even pay taxes. One day I will stop repeating myself, but I told you before my aunt said I wanted to destroy the world. Why would I do anything like that, there’s no profit in that undertaking. I’m also not Ozymandias; Talk about a hero to villain.

Okay, so movies, name one where the world became a utopia? Heroes fight, but they will be fighting forever, leaving wars to their children. You know, depending on the circumstances, I can watch pain. I read the His Dark Materials series, and they talk about building the Republic of Heaven where they are. It’s no place else but here and now Madam Justice. I don’t want to destroy the world, but I don’t think I can save it either. How about one more movie, The Core. A scientist was trying to keep his family; only three people alive because it was too much to save everyone. You know I would die for my Dæmon no question but to give him and a family a future? Down With President Trump. Black Lives Matter, whatever Greta Thunberg goes on about but me?

Heroes Die Or Must Watch

I Will Have No Fear

Log 147 ~Laughter Shouldn’t Have To Hurt~

Wouldn’t it be comical if it weren’t so sad that I could have finished my book going on two days now, but I treat “my life” as though it were a joke, well like my writing, and who am I hurting? Laughter Shouldn’t Have To Hurt

Monday, November 25, 2019

Log 147 ~Laughter Shouldn’t Have To Hurt~

Hundred And Twelfth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I won’t accept being a clown. There was a period in my life well, yeah, I wanted to be a comedian. Why you might ask, comedians tell the truth. It could be because I was confronting one of my biggest fears. You can speak your story and avoid hurting people. Of course, you know, causing others pain is a mixed bag for me. For the sake of any “publicity” today. The whole truth and nothing but Madam Justice, I’ve always been the joke. It’s the difference between being Dr. Frankenstein and Frankenstein’s monster. People get confused.

You see, I laugh, but it’s like A&W trying to figure me out today. Tony Baker is hilarious, TWD Reactors bring me joy, my dæmon is a Riot Maker. I’m grateful that I felt some genuine giggles today. At the same time, I had to put on my joker’s masks to keep from crying. I hardly ever go back and read yesterday’s gripe, but I notice they are starting to sound the same. As if I’d hear it, my ear is acting up. I won’t put such ideas out into the universe again, but what did Connie say about a SUPERPOWER? I don’t like the sound of my voice, and my laughter is only another sound because I lack the right words. Take The “Wrist” Of Playing Chrono; for example. My words are supposed to mean something more, Madam Justice.

When I hear people’s laughter, nine out of ten times, it’s not a good thing. Lucy fools Charlie Brown all the time, and sure she finds it hilarious. Why can’t I ever remember her laughing at him when it comes to kicking footballs? People laugh at me to avoid telling the truth and sad to admit, but that makes me sound like them. How about the number of times we text LOL as some qualifying protection filter? One more way of saying “like,” and I’m sure I’ve said that somewhere throughout our time together. I almost forgot about my biggest pet peeve when it comes to laughter; the phrase “just kidding.” Ellen DeGeneres said anyone saying that after hurting someone else. Well, they don’t know how to kid. I’ve laughed at people, but the world is confusing, Family Guy Charlie.

The comedian’s dead, if I hurt people I’m honest too, Laughter Shouldn’t Have To Hurt.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 140 ~She Loves You Not Title~

I’m a BOSS, well not yet, I’m an author, not that either, a family man, well does my dog count and the occasional call from my mother when I “mess up” and as far as anyone else? She Loves You Not Title, but what am I now

Monday, November 18, 2019

Log 140 ~She Loves You Not Title~

Hundred And Eleventh Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but that shouldn’t matter, right? You know I’m not a prince, I could see myself shouting I’m King Of The World though. Between you and me, I know I’ll never be president. One of my motivations says, work hard, play hard, stay humble. When I get married, I still plan on dancing to that song, Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd. Now with all this out there, today I’m Will, and I’m still learning how that’s enough, it has to be Madam Justice.

You know every Sunday I say I’m going to be a better father but am I? My dæmon is eating, he’s warm and comfy, and takes his meds. Okay, so my father would throw money at his family, does that make him the “man of the year?” When it comes to my mom, I don’t have a clue what she thinks about me these days. It could be that I’m not much of a man because of Rockford. Sooner or later, I’ll finally write down the whole story of Indiana Gone’s wedding, not tonight, though. Yeah, momma, look at me, my significant accomplishments this evening? I wrote 1,200 words for the novel, I got Alpha in TWD, and I didn’t get fired. Speaking of which do you remember some time ago, I told you or one of the girls about Chris Pratt and Passengers. SIGH as the song goes, that’s how you know you messed up, still being somewhat polite.

Am I explaining what this has to do with today’s rule, if anything, honestly? I can be a lot of things to a particular woman, but one I refuse to be is a clown. Strange that I still buy into that quote from Marilyn Monroe about making a woman laugh. Look, I’ll even go the whole gold digger route because you know I want my money. Still, I said I was leaving that girl alone, and bam there is today. Yes, excuse me for always assuming the worst of people, and the jury is still out. I only wish I could be sure about people, but I’m not even sure about my kid. Women love illusion, but if you recall when I was a kid, I wanted to be a comedian. Is a girl laughing at my truths or at the joke I may portray?

She Loves You Not Title.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 133 ~Rage Can Kill, But Who~

I wrote a poem about RAGE once, but I think 28 Days Later, and the sequel said it so much the better than I ever could, but what I wouldn’t give for a beautiful apocalypse or how about the ability to utter NO. “Rage Can Kill, But Who?”

Monday, November 11, 2019

Log 133 ~Rage Can Kill, But Who~

Hundred And Tenth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and is this the way wrong rule for today? Hell, I’m tempted to say it’s the perfect rule for today, that, of course, disqualifies me from posting some places. Even at this moment in time, I’m mad as Hell, and I know I’m going to be exhausted in the morning. Not because I’m letting NaNoWriMo down, I kicked ass there (LANGUAGE). Would I do better to list all the things I’m not mad at tonight? My dæmon, how about my work ethic, and not you Madam Justice.

First and foremost, I hate my Day Job, with the heat from a thousand suns. You wonder why I’m not published yet because that work is burning all the pages. Do I talk about how the Truck can be overwhelming, or more to the point those damn people (LANGUAGE)? What about the shower this morning? The things I come up with, and it wasn’t like I was even remotely horny. No, I made a conscious decision. I swear that scene from a particular anime movie I won’t name. Yeah, people already think I’m a psycho or worse. Cherry might like it, though. Speaking of which, FEAR, Madam Justice. I can’t talk to specific people because of such terror. I didn’t say what needed to be said at work today. NaNoWriMo is being held up because of the FEAR of losing my position, and you know I need the money now.

I can quote Yoda, you know, fear, anger, hate, suffering, but who am I hurting? You see what time it is, but I’m still up because I’m a man of my word. Okay, so I’m a clown now too because I can’t that with a straight face. Can I tell you all the stuff I wanted to say to my boss; how many times would I have to call myself out on language. Don’t even get me started on other employees. I want the world to go away, but again I’m not crazy or suicidal. Well, if I keep having nights like this, I won’t have to worry about it. I’ll drop dead. So I can’t indulge in my self-help phase. I haven’t gotten to play Far Cry 5 or Fallout 4 any and what about the state of the real country, no politics today. It’s Veterans Day; I’m Grateful.

Rage Can Kill But Who?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 126 ~Pillows Are Stronger Than Most~

Up against the wall mother, well no, back against the pillow, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon unless I get hungry enough, and right now it’s my stomach versus my head; try harder fridge. “Pillows Are Stronger Than Most”

Monday, November 4, 2019

Log 126 ~Pillows Are Stronger Than Most~

Hundred And Ninth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but wiser words? Today’s rule is the perfect example because I had such plans for this afternoon. Like something out of 500 Days of Summer, the Expectations versus Reality scene. In that world, this conversation has come and gone, and I’m working on The “Wrist” Of Playing Chronos. I was even all fired up because of my Motivations. Madam Justice, to be honest, the Day Job is getting worse, but I was working pretty damn hard (LANGUAGE). Only I come back to the house and oh pillows.

I believe when I wrote Rule 109, I meant it more as a state of sadness. Considering what was on my mind in the shower, I would have every right to be Madam. Hell, cut me some slack. I didn’t even get three hours of uninterrupted shut-eye. Now, of course, I wish I could say it was worth it, the sacrifice. How’s NaNoWriMo going this month? Well, am I going to hit today’s goal before the end of tonight? What about the STUPID idea? (Shudders) About using a different letter of the alphabet for each chapter? Here take a look:

Chapter I Buttons, All Shapes and Sizes B
Chapter II Tight Type Of Time Management T
Chapter III Hands Across An American Girl H
Chapter IV Put Your Clothes On Chronos C
Chapter V Gears Looking At You Kid G

Whose Line Is It Anyway, Things you can say about and to your pillow but not your girlfriend? I suck at improv Madam Justice. Speaking of the things that I miss watching “His Dark Materials.” You know I barely watch wrestling as is, but I’m going to use that as an excuse to quit writing.

Madam Justice, I’m supposed to be writing about pillows right. Well, this is more Inspector’s Justice’s and Dirty Diana’s thing, but do you know what I once did with pillows? Did I throw away all that porn, hmm? Okay, let’s stay positive; pillows have held me up more than most people and are more readily available. My little dæmon, of course, is always on a quest for more comfy spots. You would think due to my constant naps; I would take better care shopping for pillows. My therapist, my temptations, and the better part of most days considering this moment?

People, Madam Justice, well no. What about my dreams, nightmares Pillows Are Stronger Than Most.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 119 ~Happiness Is Just Being Yourself~

Am I happy today, this second, nope, but I’m still glad; I’m finishing up today, there is food in the freezer, my kid is resting, TWD reactions are badass, and I’m not all horny, the thing is I believe. Happiness Is Just Being Yourself

Monday, October 28, 2019

Log 119 ~Happiness Is Just Being Yourself~

Hundred And Eighth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but does that make me happy? Sometimes I like to think I’m different from other guys, and then I talk to Cherry or MILF Dos. How many mornings has it been where I’ll say I’ll do better? Well, it’s 5:00 PM, and I’m not reading but talking to you. I don’t mean that as an offense, but I should be elsewhere. Hell, I never thought I would make it this far. I hate that it bears repeating, but I’m not suicidal. Today’s lyrics would be, “I ain’t happy, I’m feeling glad,” true.

Take, for example, last night, SIGH; I broke my NO FAP rule. Call me crazy, anything but happy, but a woman saying, “I want you to feel me cum on your dick” (LANGUAGE). I know today isn’t Thursday, but that was my unfurling. Sometime this afternoon, I was talking to Cherry about old journals. You remember I wrote some hateful stuff once upon a time and got arrested, Juvenile Detention. Of course, the porno, which is the last journal I showed her, didn’t do me any favors. I might as well be like those guys that send “penis portraits.” I remember what I would write to the Basic Bitch “Skeevy” and even when I tried to be kind like to the Rainbow Girl. The cops have a point; I have the right to remain silent or not considering the company.

There is a song that says, “happiness is a warm gun” let’s not go down that road, though. Sex makes me happy, no doubt. You want me to be happy myself, books, brothels, and bucks. The only three B’s more vital to me belong to my Firstborn. How many times do I need to say it, I want to live the life of Dennis Hof. I could go through quite a few names, but wouldn’t they all be sex icons? My motivations though talk often enough of being happy this very moment. I would be satisfied if I weren’t checking my phone every second of the day. Now didn’t that start in September, perhaps? The thing is, worrying, obsessing, fearing, is all I am. So if these things don’t make me happy, then I don’t like myself wouldn’t you say?

I am trying like hell though Madam Justice, to be a man worthy of happiness. Happiness Is Just Being Yourself.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 112 ~Judge No One Improve Yourself~

A great man once said, if they want to crucify me I have the hammer and the nails, and me being a Scrooge and everything I don’t share, so I try not to hurt others but only myself yet I could myself a sadist ha. “Judge No One Improve Yourself,” I try

Monday, October 21, 2019

Log 112 ~Judge No One Improve Yourself~

Hundred And Seventh Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and other than exhaustion, I’ve semi-recovered. My sides have quit hurting, and my foot feels fine. Best news of all, my Firstborn is home where he belongs. I use the term HOME loosely. Where the heart is as “THEY” say, and I love my son like pancakes. Now pancakes sound pretty delicious even at 3:40 PM. I could use some real food, but of course, I’ve slept the day away. Okay, so that brings me to my point, which is an improvement in my sleeping, if anything.

The house is still a mess, and my inbox keeps piling up. If I were listening to Dale Carnegie, I would remember dealing with one thing at a time. I like you, Madam Justice, but I’m only now getting up to talk at all. I am listening to my kid more, but does that make me a better father? If anything, it is FEAR that makes me want to do anything to be better in any aspect of my life. Still, as the song goes, madness takes its toll. What about this morning. Why didn’t I take the highway this morning? Driving with my son in tow is dangerous enough. I don’t want to go back to the man I was Madam Justice. Last week was a plethora of self-improvement, mixed with possible death. You know I always want to become more than what I am; there’s no choice even.

Now, as for judging other people, I don’t. Yeah, I know what you’re saying, women. I like what I like, and I don’t hate looks. Yes, hate is wrong regardless, but people’s actions dictate that type of response. I was watching TWD last night, so take Negan, for example. Saved Judith, Dog, and Arron, but brutally murdered two people, more, and ignited a war. It almost resulted in a genocide. Negan must be held accountable for his crimes, but he can become better than his yesterdays. It’s the same as me in a way though I’ve never committed 90% of the sins people accuse and speak of Justice. No wonder I dream of becoming so great to make up for well everything. I am my own worst enemy Madam Justice.

I’m Scrooge, I’m selfish and shallow but remember Rule Thirteen? I won’t ask you not to judge, but for everyone, Judge No One Improve Yourself?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 105 ~Always Beware The Patient Woman~

If a woman ever asked me to get to the point, in my best Akon voice, I’d break out with, “You already know I want to…” (Language) yeah I know, but women have a lot more patience than I. “Always Beware The Patient Woman” plenty of fish in the sea

Monday, October 14, 2019

Log 105 ~Always Beware The Patient Woman~

Hundred And Sixth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now though it took patience. Only that’s nothing compared to some woman out there waiting for me to come and find her one day. Does that make me sound somewhat creepy, stalkerish, and skeevy? I’ll end up blocked again? Hell, I had a funny thought at Chick-fil-A only this afternoon. You think my views on women are complicated; I’m confused about chicken places. Anyway, I got this idea that I only want to make a woman happy someday.

You remember, well, I can’t say her name either, but I sought God to be with her at one point. It’s the reason now I usually ignore holy roller women despite the sex appeal. I don’t have time to walk the line between Heaven and Hell. I’ve already made my decision, depending on your viewpoint. I think that’s where women get it wrong, believing a man can change. Dennis Hof would say something to the tune of, I gotta be me, two read-throughs, and the audiobook. He told women the truth, and I do as well; okay, let’s not talk about Pinterest. Sometimes it scares me to death and others it knows me too well. Still, I talk about running all over the place for a woman, married, about to be. One more giving her life to Christ SIGH. Could it be I’m only trying to find her sooner rather than later, dear Madam Justice?

I’ve said so many times I want to be someone worthy, and that never matters to women. Looking in the mirror this morning I still saw my messed up teeth and bloodshot eyes. You were waiting for me to come and talk to you this evening. I missed another model, or at least she’s not speaking to me, but I wasn’t so excited anyway. At some point this week I’ll have to face my mother. The Prodigal son, yeah what’s my age again, though my Alamo fund is nearly zero. One more woman doing anything to make her happy with my trip. Only What I wouldn’t give to have some pretty “Taylor Townsend” looking me up. Oh yeah, I’m making that so much harder thank you, Facebook. I’m hiding until I find the courage, coming out of my cage, ha.

I want her to come with me now. Well, okay enough music, don’t you think. Always Beware The Patient Woman.

I Will Have No Fear