Tag: Worry

Log 142 ~Thy Will Be Done~

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As the song goes, I was almost home, well 42,000 words leaving 8000 to go if I hadn’t wasted days from this one to that; and what about the Day Job, people, I am so done with everything and then nothing. Thy Will Be Done

Wednesday, November 20, 2019

Log 142 ~Thy Will Be Done~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I could have been a year ago, or what’s my age again? Now it’s no secret Inspector Echo; if I had that level of wealth, I’d have a gaggle of young girlfriends. How about a beautiful wifey, yeah I’m still trying to be Dennis Hof. Only I was telling Cherry the other day, some women of a particular age are BRATS. I do mean legal age, but I’m getting off the subject, which is hmm? I should be done by now, with my novel, with the Day Job, how about staying afraid? Now you’ll have to excuse me, Inspector Echo, there’s work to be done.

The “Wrist” Of Playing Chrono

Chapter I Buttons, All Shapes And Sizes = B, Protagonist
Chapter II Tight Type Of Time Management = T, Victim
Chapter III Hands Across An American Girl = H, Mnemosyne
Chapter IV Put Your Clothes On Chrono = C, Cult

Chapter V Gears Looking At Your Kid = G, Victim
Chapter VI I Spy Some Amazing Thighs = I, Mnemosyne
Chapter VII Knowledge Of Knockers And Knockers = K, Cult
Chapter VIII Forgotten Filthy and Forlorn Truths = F, Protagonist

Chapter IX Anatomy Of Frickin’ Laser Beams = A, Cult
Chapter X Desiring Daughters, Damn The Danger = D, Mnemosyne
Chapter XI Lust, Dust, Ladies, Do Much = L, Cult
Chapter XII The Naughty Bits Of News = N, Protagonist

Chapter XIII Mornings Mourning The Moaning Mistress = M, Victim
Chapter XIV Pillow Talks Most Popular Prayers = P, Cult
Chapter XV To Jump The Jawbreaker’s Bones = J, Protagonist
Chapter XVI Yes, I’ll Rock Your World = Y, Mnemosyne

Chapter XVII The Silence Of Scream Queens = S, Protagonist

I know where I screwed up. I ask myself that every day, when is the moment my anxiety gets the best of me? I’ve come too far in my novel now; 37, 945 words. Not far enough today since at this hour, I should have 700 down, researching everything. I thought I would be done, living this way. A long time ago, to be honest. One of my motivations says, though, that a champion never stops Inspector Echo ever. The struggle is real, as the kids say. I’ve thought a lot about my sins lately and understood why so many find well Jesus. People find it too hard, but How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. Inspector Echo apologies, I worry, Thy Will Be Done.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 141 ~Will’s A Bible Thumper~

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Not a word about NaNoWriMo hmm, I still have a three-day window, but family comes first or thoughts of a future family, but writing is my first wifey, well to read, and I never got through the whole bible anyway. Will’s A Bible Thumper

Tuesday, November 19, 2019

Log 141 ~Will’s A Bible Thumper~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but what would I do for it? Well, you know I don’t want to discuss my business dealings. Of course, I’m not Nicolas Cage in Lord Of War. You’re my wife, my love, so I don’t keep secrets from you ever. Now you know baby girl that I would do anything for love as the song goes. Yeah, but I won’t do that right, and I need a reminder that you love me for me, well always. I’m not ashamed of my dense religion phase, but I am a big believer in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 still.

You know, above all others I would give you every song and book, I write novels for a living wanting to explain love. I want to show you that I love you every single day, and if I’m not, I’m sorry. Why do I want to be sorry today? One of the reasons I’m my boss now is because well, people. I remember at the Day Job a woman straight-up threatened me, and for what? Some words, love, letters on a page, I write so much wanting to hide and then also noticed. Showing kindness but expecting ignorance. I’m not so much one for the Bible anymore. You know I ignore people who quote it or invoke God’s name. Over two months, I have become so confused over things like weddings, and we’re headed into the holidays now. It’s hard keeping my morals and wanting to do what’s right by my family. It always will be, I suppose, my lovely.

Still, the Devil is in the details, as you know, I don’t like getting any laughs. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy laughing, turn on Tony Baker or TWD Reactions. Only don’t ever expect me to be a clown. Again I think of being threatened by some woman. I’m no saint. You know that baby doll. I say a lot of things, believe, and do plenty, but I try to be an open book, and I won’t let anybody make me feel low or ashamed. To this day, I do that plenty all by myself. Finally, I ask of you, My Love, don’t let me run. How I won you, I’ll never know, twenty seconds of insane courage, taking a step towards you, a miracle.

I love you but being kind, Will’s A Bible Thumper.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 135 ~It Bugs Me, Will

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Last week it was ants or the lack thereof and this week, butterflies, ants, and roaches oh my but I’m not talking about the actual creatures for they all exist in man, at least if you watch some weird cooking shows. “It Bugs Me, Will.”

Wednesday, November 13, 2019

Log 135 ~It Bugs Me, Will

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I don’t think much of people. If I was being honest with myself and joined the ranks of the one percent, what would I do? I help NaNoWriMo and animals. Inspector Echo, is it a sin I still owe Indiana Gone, Birthday and Wedding Gifts?

Butterflies, not the first bug you thought I would mention today. I wasn’t thinking about them myself, but now I’m feeling them. Have I ever told you that Red and Black are my battle standard? Today though, I want to burst into that song Amber. No, I should mention the last time I spoke about butterflies or a particular Pokémon to a girl, the “Rainbow?” I would do well to remember since this would cause even more trouble. Wasn’t I so “optimistic” today, though, and I do not need to be in any sense? Shouldn’t I play Chris Pratt’s part in Passengers? Only I’ll do the right thing and leave her alone. I wasn’t lying to her, though; I like how my name sounds on her lips. Cherry would have a time with this, given her particular romantic interests always.

Ants would take my mind off things, but am I trying to curse myself, happy thoughts. It’s FEAR though Inspector Echo, my anxiety and worry. I’m always on guard, and that explains why I’m holed up in bed today. How about being in bed for a different reason, and it’s no good. I’m feeling pretty “antsy,” and I’m not sure why. Well, no, I know exactly why, but so far, I can still post this if I stay on the up and up. These words like one big ant colony, and I’m trying not to bug anybody else, life goals.

Roaches can survive anything or so “THEY,” say. My day job, for example, I endure humiliation, exhaustion, and I play dead. Some pretty girl sees me, and I go scurrying all over the place. I don’t want to imagine myself as a nuisance, but isn’t that always the case. Dennis The Menace, Bran the Broken, Will the Ill, etc. Why doesn’t “Okay” talk to me anymore? When I speak to Indiana Gone, I only bring bad news. Why do I chat up some pretty girl despite everything she has going?

I’m sorry for this RAID Inspector. To be a raven, Nevermore, It Bugs Me, Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 134 ~Will Books A Trip~

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Another week of NaNoWriMo, amongst other things, and as Rick Grimes is with his Stuff & Thangs, I should be a better writer, lover, and with the Day Job, what more do they want? Will Books A Trip

Tuesday, November 12, 2019

Log 134 ~Will Books A Trip~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that means no days off. Yeah, I know right, wasn’t I conked out most of the day as always? I don’t know how or why I can say no to you and not to everyone else. Should I call it love, and yes, here come the songs “You Always Hurt The One You Love.” I know you love me, and still, you know how I am always worrying. The perfect reason to take a vacation isn’t that right, but then there’s everyone else. Like when we first met, bad times.

Not us but more like I was afraid of losing everything else. One more reason I’m in the businesses I’m in My Love. Idle hands and the Devil or so I read, so I figured I might as well skip the middleman. How about the fact that the work I do now is my choice and I don’t feel like I need a vacation from it ever? Every other job I’ve ever held I hated, well the people in it, so I’m a writer amongst other things. I get to choose the people I’m around, but still, I always feel I’m letting them down. I was working on NaNoWriMo tonight and had to skip a whole chapter because I screwed up a character’s timeline. What about our time, is there any for me to spare for us to be together? Well, it is NaNoWriMo season, and I should be much further along in my novel.

Yesterday though I felt I was letting someone down, I was scared of losing. You know I’m not listening to Kanye West unless we’re talking about “Power,” great song. What I mean is I know it’s not about money, but I want, well, everything. So you ask me whatever happened to “All I Want Is You?” No, we will not be playing that Mariah Carey song in this house, okay? It keeps coming back to, why am I so afraid of losing everything but most of all you. My friend will tell you the same, she asked, and I can’t help but say YES. The Power of Yes, but is there more in saying NO? My dæmon follows in his dad’s footsteps, he wants to be with me, and he only sleeps the day away.

“It ain’t just about getting by here. It’s about getting it all.”
Hearts Still Beating

Baby Girl I’m awake it’s time Will Books A Trip.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 128 ~Will’s ANTS And Uncles~

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Gratitude, okay there’s no ant invasion like last year when it started to get cold, I’m not super horny though I’m disappointed, and I have time to extend my lead in NaNoWriMo if I don’t get lazy. Will’s ANTS and Uncles.

Wednesday, November 6, 2019

Log 128 ~Will’s ANTS And Uncles~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now but could be fourteen dollars richer, of course. Have I told you before how greedy I am, from my deep sleep to dollars and cents, and dolls that get me hard? Tomorrow is Thursday, I know. And you know I can say worse things about women, damn #NoNutNovember (LANGUAGE). So why am I sitting at the dining room table again today? Now that’s what I want to talk to you about now. I wish I could talk about that movie that played in my head all this afternoon, a wasted day.

First, let’s state the obvious, am I making “Dad Jokes,” “Puns,” or only dumb writing? Anyway, there are no ants in the house, and the heat is on. It’s been this way for what, a week? I’ve destroyed the world in nearly every story I’ve written, so yeah, I can take care of a few ants. Okay, another way of saying Ant is Aunt, and I’m no one to lecture you on the English language. I only have thoughts; my Aunt Lee Lee said I wanted to destroy the world. In a way, she had a point from me writing my novels to the games I play (something happens to the world). How about what I think the world of ha? Women, I haven’t watched The Handmaid’s Tale in months. Auli’i Cravalho is hot as The Little Mermaid. A young woman gained my attention yesterday, but I won’t be dumb, oh yeah this morning SIGH.

Am I saying uncle, throwing in the towel, waving the white flag or tissue with #NoNutNovember? I’ve spoiled the month, but I don’t want to, I have to fight, but the stress Inspector Echo has closed my window. I am going to try and salvage the day, back to writing, no more looking up Jade Jantzen as a Maid. It’s been my experience most real maids aren’t that hot. Yes, I do miss “Okay” some. No more, Auli’i Cravalho, but I think I will have a seafood night. One benefit of not being horny every single second. Cherry says she’s depressed all the time, but I’m horny but sort of like Joe from ChromiumBlue.com: The Eternal (2002). I had to take the edge off if anything, but I’m still disappointed.

I’m sorry Inspector Echo for my worry and wanton lusts; still Will’s ANTS And Uncles.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 127 ~Happy Write, Willing Wife~

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NaNoWriMo season and I fear I’m falling behind, but what is my pretty wife up to, and my little dæmon buddy is bored, but I’m only 10,000 words out of 50,000 and as Ariel is singing in the background, “I want more.” “Happy Write, Willing Wife,” maybe

Tuesday, November 5, 2019

Log 127 ~Happy Write, Willing Wife~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and it all started with writing. I’m not going to lie, oh yes, there will be fiction, but I won’t lie to you. You’re aware that I’m a hard man to get to know. You don’t need my writing to tell you that. You can check my Spotify playlist, my Watchlist, and Goodreads for books. When’s the last time I picked up a book that wasn’t my own? Now that brings us to today, and no, I’m not leaving to go and pick up a box of smokes. I hate smoking but smoke signals, you might need them sometime this month.

It’s only three months out of every year, but November is the Big One, NaNoWriMo. Despite my various business ventures, writing is the only one where I cut myself off from the rest of the world. Didn’t I tell you about my dream about the beach? I’m writing I don’t know what while you and the children play and soon I can’t help but join you. Hell, we have done that, but today isn’t the day. I remember Nas rapped something about Hip Hop being his first wifey. So it is with my writing. Is that what I’m trying to tell you or maybe myself. Despite everything I have been through with writing, I can’t give it up for anybody; it’s my dream. What about everything else? I’m not sure at this moment, but a man’s family comes first. Strange that GTA V reinforces that idea. I’ll always put my family above everything, My Love.

Only this month and maybe over the summer, I have this discipline. I’m not asking for your permission. In this movie “Get On The Bus,” a man says you don’t run around a woman; he tells her how things are, and you deal. I must sound like such a fanboy, and I’m sure the NaNoWriMo crew wouldn’t like me saying this. One more reason I’m a writer; this is my world. It’s like a business trip this month, locking myself in a room, well I’ll still be beside you every night. Sure, I’ll be surrounded by my other best sellers and buried in notes. I always want to be a better man for you, but if you catch me slacking this month, it’s not forever.

I love you, I love this, Happy Write, Willing Wife.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 121 ~Comes From Week Willed~

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We’re only midway through the week, and instead of wanting everyone else to shut up, for once, I’m inclined to take my advice; okay yeah, people at the Day Job still talk too much. Come From Week Willed, the need for communication

Wednesday, October 30, 2019

Log 121 ~Comes From Week Willed~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM A Billionaire right now, my daily, weekly, hell 365 thought. It’s a sin that I’m not doing more to make it happen, indeed living it at all. Inspector Echo it’s like I tell everyone at the day job, “Another Day” am I going to look up “RENT” the musical? We’ll get to everything I’ve been looking up. Why the delay? Now that’s the biggest sin for the middle of the week, me and my big mouth. I know I’m usually so late talking to you and the other girls. It is far better to keep everything in, but right now?

The more things change, the more they stay the same “THEY” preach. Do you remember how I got started, I found out Kaelin from TTB had passed away? Next thing you know, TTB takes away her sets, but she had a few on Teen Starlet. So as we speak, I’m downloading as many girls collections that remain; so far, 42 girls, not even half. How do I expect to get NaNoWriMo done? Well, my subscription ends tomorrow, and NaNoWriMo begins Friday. I have no inkling what to write about, and I’m still upset about my T-Shirt. Am I one to be talking about clothes or women now. The past two days, I’ve snapped at two. I haven’t heard from Indiana Gone in days. Out of the blue, I realized I haven’t spoken to “Okay.” Now what about Cherry, well damn.

A greater man than me once said: “(Will) shut the fuck up” (LANGUAGE). Don’t get me wrong, Inspector Echo, the Basic Bitch, was right. I was skeevy; I still hate that word honestly. MILF Dos stripped for me and said dirty things but didn’t like how I talked to her. The Rainbow Girl was right; I can be scary though I was nothing but kind to her. Now we have Cherry that says I’m repeating everything; other guys say wanting to get into her panties. Officially, Inspector, I don’t know how to talk to women, NEWSFLASH. No wonder I’m working on my porno collection, well modeling whatever. My tongue is weak, and my fingers are much too fast. Why do you think I want the Dead to march, or yearn for a world like A Quiet Place? My motivations today were talking about imagining what you want but saying it?

Sorry, Comes From Week Willed.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 120 ~The Will Of Disney~

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You know I like Disney, even though they got Star Wars as a part of their “New Empire” yes I quoted Anakin, sue me and I’m sure they would, but again I’m a Disney Fan, and there is plenty of love there. The Will Of Disney or maybe “Wheel Of Destiny.”

Tuesday, October 29, 2019

Log 120 ~The Will Of Disney~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but what’s Disney worth nowadays. The idea of bringing such happiness and joy to people is astounding. Let me count the ways you do such things to me, My Love. So perhaps I should envy you, and no, I won’t quote that song from Jay Z.

What I mean is you know my business dealings. I pride myself on being an “Adult Disneyland.” That’s something else I’ve been thinking about only recently. How these wives never seem to know their husbands.

Lord Of War was one thing, Daniel LaRusso and his wife is another. You know I idolize Dennis Hof, and “THEY” called him “The P.T. Barnum of Booty.” He didn’t lie to his women, and I won’t lie to you. Okay, not the best example, noted, but these men did what they loved and loved who they loved. I love you, and I want to see you happy. So today, I’m going through my playlists (big surprise), and I have one devoted to Disney. You know one of my best friends got married in an all-round Disney affair. I hope I make her proud because I told her I would get married when the Dead walked the Earth. One more reason I love you baby girl, you chose me before any zombie apocalypse. Anyway, I keep getting off-topic, so I keep listening to these songs.

I Just Can’t Wait To Be King, Prince Ali, and (sniffles) God Help The Outcasts. Now my motivations often speak of the “willingness” to serve, to help others. I think of you, how sometimes I should shut up and Kiss the Girl. Love, I want to show you A Whole New World. The man that I want to be for you; I look in the mirror (gasps), and I say to myself, “He Lives In You.” Hell, anything beats the old slave mentality I have at the Day Job, Zip- A- Dee-Doo-Dah. You’re the type of woman who is the perfect example of Lesson Number One for our girls. I am a father, but I want all our kids to know like “our” Firstborn, You’ve Got a Friend in Me, or a Friend Like Me ha. It’s safe to say we will visit Disneyworld and Disneyland and not only for Star Wars; another gasp, lovely.

To be a good man, yours, The Will Of Disney.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 114 ~Will Did It Highway~

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Here in my car, I feel frightened of all; even with my locked doors, I might not even live; yeah, that’s a song I don’t know really, let alone an attempt to rewrite, but at least I wasn’t driving all over today. Will Did It Highway yep

Wednesday, October 23, 2019

Log 114 ~Will Did It Highway~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM A Billionaire right now, and I’ll never drive again. Yes, I’m being dramatic and lying, but its been touch and go for a while. Back to the matter at hand, though, October 16, a day where I am surprised I lived. Inspector Echo, that was my first time driving on the highway in years. How’s that for a confession? Now, of course, I’ve been on the highway. My “father” taking me to get the car, The McWane Science Center trip with Indiana Gone “Star Wars.”

Anyway, driving on the highway; not since I was back in high school, do you know how many years that was. What’s my age again, as the song goes? Okay, to get to Indiana Gone’s wedding, it was fourteen hours avoiding my fear or ten and a half going headlong. Hell, do I love that woman, she would probably say yes I do. I can’t say I have any other IRL friends. “Okay,” is not speaking to me, and I’m always trying to see Cherry’s boobs. My Firstborn is having a tantrum; what did they have him sleeping on there? I don’t risk my friends’ lives and besides the most depressing drive is getting to work every day. Who needs the highway when my Day Job is killing me daily? I don’t even need the car to get to that bit of Hell. Still isn’t that the dream, staying home.

I realized only now that I checked the mailbox and didn’t have any tickets. Last week earlier today, I almost crashed into someone. I left early Friday morning, but you know I’m an old man, a blind one, I could have been a dead one. You know I always want to limit lives lost. Didn’t I say that the word “MERGE” ranks right up there with Stupid and Happy? Indeed, I was grateful whenever Siri said for some hundred miles to keep straight. Of course, that didn’t account for gas breaks; how many close calls did I have? Even when I got to the hotel, I took a left instead of a right because I had so much anxiety, and I was exhausted. What about the humiliation of my mother calling when they ran my card in Rockford? More on that Friday I suppose Echo.

For now, I’m sorry I was so afraid, but yes Inspector Will Did It Highway.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 113 ~Can’t Hurry Love Will~

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I’m still looking at the man in the mirror and seeing how anxiety has warped me to several degrees; I can only imagine the smile I could wear on my face, like when I saw my friend in love and happy. Can’t Hurry Love Will

Tuesday, October 22, 2019

Log 113 ~Can’t Hurry Love Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that’s not enough love? Now I don’t want to be my father. I’ve said before; love is not a prize. It’s not a timestamp. Love doesn’t come with a price tag. It scares me; sometimes, I don’t know how to love you enough. You’re scared that I don’t love myself. I have my rules 4 & 5 talking about hate keeping you alive. The next, love is worth dying for, which I understand. You know my past, for want, lack, ability love has nearly ended me plenty. I’m still standing.

Brandy sang almost doesn’t count, the song goes. I’m always in music, aren’t I? Funny, I can hear everything, and yet when you say it, baby girl? My “former” boss would say, in one ear and out the other. It’s a disease this thing called love, and I know how dangerous it can be; that’s from a song and movie. I should focus more on myself, though. You know, to me, that sounds selfish. I say it often though, I share it with you, and I’m also pretty shallow. Should I apologize, shall I compare thee to a summer’s day, should I share more. All of the above is why it took me so long to find you. Twenty seconds of insane courage is nothing. I’m still bragging about the 1500 miles I traveled for a friend. In a drawer, I have bills for hundreds, if not thousands of dollars for my Firstborn. Now didn’t I say, love is not a price tag baby doll?

No, love is those moments I head out the door, and I call to him. Not “I love you” or “make good decisions.” I’m like the Terminator “I’ll Be Back,” and I spend every waking moment focused on doing that only. Again and I can’t say it enough, every Saturday I lie here with you for a few hours, and listen to the world end. My nuclear pop music, some TWD gaming, Youtube reactions; you are my Heaven. So what about the other six days: I build the life I love, but I want to share it with you always. I might have spoken to you about my “former” job when I stood up for myself nearly “fighting.” I loved myself regardless of anyone else.

Love’s distance; the bed to mirror; Can’t Hurry Love Will.

I Will Have No Fear