Tag: Worry

Log 232 ~Does Will Have Soul~

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If I sold my soul to Hell, I suppose I would be a rich man already. I guess it’s the last thing I have to save for a future wife because “other” things well let’s say I have had some exciting experiences, some good and evil. Does Will Have Soul?

Tuesday, February 18, 2020

Log 232 ~Does Will Have Soul~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I’ll never be a politician. In today’s age, considering my business dealings, I would be more than suitable. Well, seeing I’m a black man, with more than liberal views. Let’s keep in mind my hero was voted to the Nevada Assembly, and he was dead. He’s also one of few Republicans I respect. Now that leads me to today, which I’m glad to say was without incident. Well, a spammer on Facebook, but nothing reported email wise. I’m a much better man than that Love.

Only I continue to worry, baby girl, my phone still has me jumping. Not in the fantastic playlist way because you know I must have my music. While we’re on the subject, I do have my “Stork The Fire” and “Grown Folks Music” playlists. Would my parents be proud? Now, as far as my palate in the realm of “Soul Food,” I can’t say I’m much of a fan. One Thanksgiving, I am going to invite my mom and my sister. While I’m not so sure about my sister’s cooking, my mom is an expert. Not saying that I want her to cook, but she made sure I didn’t starve. She also taught me respect for women. As I tell you, always there are no secrets between you and me.

My firstborn, my dæmon, won’t be spilling my confidences anytime soon. So tonight I sit here contemplating the term, SOULMATE.

I tell myself every day that I share my soul with the world. One of my rules #148 Women Always Find Out The Truth. Nobody can take all that I am, My Love. Do I doubt you, of course not, but could I be honest, you need only ask anything? I heard this song the other day, “Not Afraid Anymore” by Halsey, she sings, “Heaven gonna hate me.” My life, my businesses are things people call evil. Trust me, baby doll. Those people have no idea. At the same time, I sing, “Cause without you they’re never going to let me in'” (Heaven) I mean. If I have a soul, I will give it all to you. On the same token, if I didn’t, I wouldn’t feel so bad. I’m not the President, I know right from wrong. I have a soul; I want to be a better man for you. Does Will Have Soul?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 226 ~Up High, Down Will~

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High to me is not falling out of bed, tripping over the walls of the tub, and remembering to put something in my stomach at some point and down, whether it be time, money, or depression SIGH. Up High, Down Will

Wednesday, February 12, 2020

Log 226 ~Up High, Down Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so how can I be depressed? It sounds like another excuse and how can I even hear it with my ear and all. From last week to this one, it’s like alarms are ringing all over. Still, I sit here, refusing to answer the call. I even have Cherry giving her best impression of Lady Mormont. I’m not getting up for anything, well a pair of black stockings, but today isn’t Thursday. It’s not Wednesday for that matter (Sunday Night). I’m still speeding through time, so no wonder I’m so exhausted.

I wish that’s all it was, and also that yesterday never happened. A slippery slope Inspector Echo and I’ll be right back to “The Day.” Anyway, the theme of yesterday was humiliation. I had to call my “father” about insurance and my humming situation. If that’s not bad enough, he doesn’t care enough to text back. It’s one thing to go begging and be told no but silence? It’s a good strategy, which is why I employ it all the time. You can ask Cherry about that. Insecure, Discombobulated, and repeating past mistakes. Is there anything I can speak to that won’t make me sound like, well I don’t want to put that in the universe. The word I’m looking for is LAZY right, because how long have I been away from The Day Job. At this rate, how will I ever manage another NaNoWriMo?

It’s like I’m drowning in FEAR, and my bed is a life raft. What am I going to do tomorrow? Go back, crawling to my father? Now didn’t I talk some about him and his ANGER? I have plenty to myself you know that much Inspector Echo. Now I’m trying not to be something, something explicit. Only LUST is pretty much the only thing keeping me anywhere near rational for a few hours, at least. It’s my high, that and the ceiling fan. How about some retail therapy? I wanted to buy My Dæmon, DogTV today, and doesn’t he deserve it, I ask. Everything that I desire Inspector Echo and what am I doing to reach it at all. My kid stands taller than me, begging me to get out of bed and go outside.

I’m sorry it’s like I’m the living dead, and Lust is my hunger. Trying to climb, Up High, Down Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 225 ~Will And “Folk” Heroes~

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One day I’ll hear those words, “Help me Daddy,” yeah, I know what I’m thinking but I’m serious, I’ll always be there for my family and no, I’m not a hero. They’ll also talk about meeting the folks me and my wife. Will And “Folk” Heroes

Tuesday, February 11, 2020

Log 225 ~Will And “Folk” Heroes~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, even after I gave my parents a few million, so I’ll never see them again, well, dad. If I ever become my father, do what you think is right, but don’t become my mother. You don’t deserve mistreatment or anything less than to be the goddess you are My Love. The one thing I ever learned from my father was money, and he’s not a rich man. Indeed most of my heroes are rich men, and I don’t know how they did family life. With what I do for a living, most people ask how I dare to be a father.

My “Big Sister” told me once, “you can’t build a strip club, next to a school.” I wholeheartedly agree, and while I won’t keep any secrets from you when it comes to our children? Now I’m Sonny Corinthos saying my kids will never be part of the MOB. There was another woman who worked for me once and is an awesome mom. My business is one thing, but respecting her as a woman is another. People do as they like, and I wouldn’t want you or any of my family to know disrespect for my dealings. It’s hard wanting to be one man and then wanting to live the dream, and would I surrender one for the other? Again I don’t know how they do it, baby girl. Writers like Todd Michaels and S. Wolf; there are others, and that’s only the tip of the iceberg.

I still don’t want to be my old man, thinking I give money, so that’s love. Who has to be terrifying or full of rage to hide insecurities and anxiety. I’m never going to hit our kids or threaten them with any violence. They will never feel ashamed of themselves, and I swear if anyone ever calls them STUPID.

Now they say boys marry girls that remind them of their mothers. You can have her intelligence, her heart, and talk about courage. Will I call her the epitome of parenting? My sister has two kids with different dads, and how did I turn out? Then I look at my firstborn, and I always say I love him like pancakes. I couldn’t love him more if I poured the Bisquick myself. For all our kids, we can be the best parents, Will And “Folk” Heroes.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 219 ~Will Changes His Tune~

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Well the hum drove me out of the Den once again, no Far Cry 5, watching wrestling from bed and letting people know about my problems; as I told someone today, it’s another day. Will Changes His Tune

Wednesday, February 5, 2020

Log 219 ~Will Changes His Tune~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or so I “know,” the Law Of Attraction is what it is and such. Now I’m not jumping back on the positivity train. Every day, haven’t I said something about the humming? Well, that makes it hard to listen to Don’t Worry Be Happy. Inspector Echo, it’s getting to the point that I don’t know what to do with myself if I don’t hear that buzz. I’m also not one to join in the Super Bowl festivities. Yes, it’s still Sunday and am I jumping three days ahead now, not tonight.

If anything, I don’t want to get up earlier than I have to again. Somehow or another, I was able to tear myself away from my latest acquisitions to talk to you. Why do I need more noise in my life? You know, half the time, breathing is a little much for me to contend with, but here I am. Only isn’t that what I was telling the neighbors this evening? Inspector Echo, that’s how bad it’s become, that I’m reaching out to strangers for help. The truth is, these are my neighbors, but didn’t I ever learn stranger danger. Don’t remind me of how my grandmother scared me STUPID that I’d get kidnapped. I remember for a few weeks, I slept with a whistle around my wrist. Nowadays, it’s a ton of hardware and a bunch of alarms about the Day Job, avoiding lateness.

Yet didn’t I say I wanted to change my tune, and this is sounding a lot like the usual. How I miss the silence “My House” once gave so willingly. At least this morning, I was panicking for another reason. The car was frozen over, and I had to fight through the ice. Still, more of the usual Inspector Echo, how I do whatever it takes to get to places that I can’t stand. So, of course, this afternoon, all I did was lose myself to a dream. Imagining the place I want to be instead of making inroads there. If it’s any consolation, I did come up with a few ideas for further conversations. Now, if I wanted to hear anything right now, it would be dead silence. I think now the problem could be the plumbing, so I want to snake the toilet.

I’m sorry, was that too much, these problems, what about solutions; Will Changes His Tune.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 218 ~Your Will Out Loud~

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I often talk about the terms that set me off, but a word like love; let me hear that more often and I don’t think I would be as addicted to my earphones as I am, and no, I’m not talking the kind of anyone’s imaginary friend hmm. “Your Will Out Loud.”

Tuesday, February 4, 2020

Log 218 ~Your Will Out Loud~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I’m not that smart. Under no circumstances would I ever say I’m STUPID because I know somethings. I’m not a handyman. It took me some days to put together a small coffee table. You won’t hear me pounding away with some hammer. During the Super Bowl, you didn’t hear me cheering for any team. I don’t even remember who played. It’s Sunday now, and I don’t want to bother looking it up. I fear the days our children get older and call out for help with their homework and what I will say to them.

I’ve told you about how my “father” loves using lots of money. Don’t get me wrong; the cash will keep you warm. I would rather hear the trickling of nickels and dimes than the banging of debt collectors. I pound the keys because I got tired of hitting the streets. I’m sure I’ve told you often enough that the first steps I made towards you, were the scariest I ever made in this life. All so I could speak of a love that would echo through eternity. My heart almost beat a hole through my chest, all so I could give it to you, My Love. Yeah, I’m guessing you can see why I have such a love of horror movies. A more socially acceptable way of hearing you scream; yeah, it’s not Thursday yet hmm. Not that love is something on my to-do list; it’s not to be made routine. It’s so much louder than taking a breath.

Baby girl, it’s more than any song I could sing and still Baby, I’m Yours. Speaking the words I Love You are louder than any rattling, ever felt it my bones from all my darkest fears. The softest touch and I can fly, as they say, not all heroes wear capes. I know I’m not Superman, I don’t ever hear the oohs and ahhs of the crowds. No, what I hear is, “Who’s That Guy?” Now didn’t I mention horror movies? There are the groans of so many men. I listen to hearts breaking and speaking about my bones talk about others being knocky in the knees. You Tell Me that you love me, you ask me, Love Me Like You Do. Only my name on your lips is all I need to hear forever and always, Your Will Out Loud.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 212 ~Will Of Computer Illiterates~

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Last week I talked about sweat and blood, and I’m “man enough,” to admit there were tears of frustration and considering it’s taken me two whole days to get this conversation done. Will Of Computer Illiterates yeah I want to sleep more

Wednesday, January 29, 2020

Log 212 ~Will Of Computer Illiterates~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can pay people to do things. It would be nice to have my own “FOS” (Friends Of Spinelli) or “FOW.” Yes, once upon a time, I watched General Hospital, the women are beautiful. I’m also a big fan of Studio Fow, and you can look that up at your peril Inspector Echo. Only I’m not ashamed of once liking Soap Operas or my obsession with Adult Entertainment. My fixation, passion, I’ll even say mania, I’m surprised I found time to talk to you.

No, that’s not an insult; I give my energy, time, money, and even my books when it comes to a pretty face. Is that what inspired me to watch the Royal Rumble, yes, a catfight might do it for me sometimes. Could it be the reason my computer is slowing down? I should probably run System Restore, but not until I solve the current issue. Today I wanted to talk about the perils of adulting. It could be my bum ear, my hands that feel like I might have pulled something. Well, that will be my leg at the Day Job, no doubt. What about the constant humming? Didn’t I say once I was learning to live with the drone? I’ll admit I was wrong when it came to that. My biggest problem today is I’m trying to be “The Man” and still acting like a little boy. Yesterday (Sunday), everybody was mourning a GREAT man in Kobe Bryant, SIGH.

Again I’m not mocking, but not crying either, and several people died, it’s sad, but I’m not reading about that anymore. What I am studying is Cherry’s poetry, again and again. A man doesn’t want to fail a woman. So since 1:00 PM this afternoon, I’ve been working on a project for her and failing miserably. Remember when I was playing Far Cry 5, another Clutch Nixon mission “The Lord of The Wings?” Inspector Echo, this is so much worse. I’ve talked women out of their clothes, but I can’t break a page? I don’t have the time to look up the differences between a geek and a nerd. However, unlike so many bullies thinking, wearing a pair of glasses doesn’t make you either. I’m a horny guy thinking if I can’t do this small thing well, I’m not much.

Sorry, Will Of Computer Illiterates

I Will Have No Fear

Log 211 ~Will Leaves A Note~

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When I was in junior college for a bit, I wrote to some girl; let’s say that it’s a lesson I keep having to repeat, which is why I swore off poetry for quite some time and now, well, my second best friend can judge. Will Leaves A Note.

Tuesday, January 28, 2020

Log 211 ~Will Leaves A Note~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I want to take you with me, My Love. Now I don’t have to spell out who I admire, but in my business well, it didn’t help him any. He got married twice and never tried it again, but I have you. Yes, I have you, and there will never be any secrets between us. “THEY,” say that brevity is the soul of wit. That was William Shakespeare if memory serves. Anyway, I tend to be longwinded in writing, at least. The things I say can often be, well, there are many things, so why not “Come with Me Now.”

I can’t even tell you now what today’s plan is because I want to be a gentleman. If you didn’t like me using songs, chances are we wouldn’t be here today. Only an epiphany I had, always apologizing for something that isn’t a flaw. The same is true for my writing baby girl. Do you remember the show “How I Met Your Mother?” I hated Ted and especially hated Robin. Well, Ted had this thing about women reaching for the check SIGH. As always I am one for tradition, I pay you shouldn’t even be worried about it ever. My thing has always been words; I realize the power that they have. The words I’ve written for myself have nearly had me fired, I’ve met cops, was kicked out of school for a while. Those same words with a handsome face, a pretty girl, a beautiful woman, or a wad of cash, well, we’re here.

You weren’t scared when I quoted the lyrics of Butterfly, a bit of Twilight, my many novels, or even the truth. Still, I pick up a pen, I touch a keyboard, I might text, and it frightens me baby doll. Besides being in love with you more each day and hating being away, I rather have you around whenever I can. Obsession, see you don’t even bat an eye with such talk. My dream told me so, yes, you know I believe in dreams. Last night it was so easy, the two of us lying on this couch/bed duo you in a hoodie and well? Talk for another time, but we were getting ready to watch WWE Royal Rumble. I don’t want to be afraid, though, when I write to you ever. Stay With Me before Will Writes A Note.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 205 ~Willie Don’t You, Oh~

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Well, those aren’t tears, and I still believe I need more sweat and blood, and I’m trying, and no, I’m not whining or crying, but today has been exhausting but I’m starting back at square one and it ain’t fun. “Willie Don’t You, Oh,” wow, am I right?

Wednesday, January 22, 2020

Log 205 ~Willie Don’t You, Oh~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but how much would I give to have twenty-four days again? It hasn’t even been twenty-four hours yet, and you know these will be the HARDEST, yes pun intended. So apologies for what I did. For having to fight so hard today and for this week, and my usual humor. As always, my “code” is “just the facts, ma’am,” so (Sunday) night; I blew it as it were. So now that’s somethings crying, I see no need to so, the positives.

I found out I still have what it takes to write. Well, that comes from the same “obsession” that slew me last night. We do what we love Inspector Echo or we should. Is that why I BLANKED myself, as the song goes, isn’t it ironic. It’s reinvigorating in some ways. You know I was beginning to believe that it’s starvation that makes you want anything. My motivations always speak on being hungry because it drives you, fair enough. It’s like though having a bottle of water, makes me want the ocean. How much have I looked up, and I’m still not looking at twenty-four hours yet? I’m not one for philosophy, but I am thinking, not overthinking but flowing like water. You know there’s a better way to say that, but it’s like fishing.

My mind is clear, which, of course, is always a direct result. It doesn’t last for too long, but nobody gets how I find my peace. I’ve said before, I breathe naturally, I’m happier, the hunger drives me, but I’m not a beast. Not this moment anyway. Especially with both Cherry and M Anime going through hard times. There are tears, and the last thing I need to be doing is whining. Don’t get me wrong; I still want what I want, but now isn’t about me, Inspector Echo. You can’t give with an empty cup and if a “certain” chalice is full? Philosophy and now politics, the rich only want more always. It all comes back to BALANCE, and that is something I need to master. Now that’s another sin, either I starve, or I feast, I’m lazy, or I grind, always an extreme.

So I do regret what happened last night, the day I worked today, and then I got lazy, no reading. Only I’m not going to weep; Willie Don’t You, Oh.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 204 ~Breaths Of Willing Air~

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It’s been a while since I’ve written any poetry, too busy living the fairytale or playing Winston Smith from 1984 but aren’t I remaining positive, been 21 days hopefully and no woman has called me creepy or skeeve (shudders). “Breaths Of Willing Air”

Tuesday, January 21, 2020

Log 204 ~Breaths Of Willing Air~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means champagne wishes and caviar dreams. As I’ve said before, My Love, if I ever get into all that, I want you to smack me hard. Your husband has always been crazy, but what exactly do we measure that by sometimes? Anyway, today I am once again reminded of what I’m willing to do to live the dream. Aren’t you the dream, and don’t I want to share everything I am with you? I don’t want to hide from you ever, but what inspires me to greatness, the first step.

Before I was a billionaire, seems so long ago. When I couldn’t catch my breath around you, and now I can speak before the masses. How I imagined seeing the world that was waiting for us, I am a poet. So I wrote today as I was inspired. You’re the only girl on this Earth for me, but I’ve written hundreds if not thousands of poems. Love, haven’t you been the subject of many. You never found me creepy, again crazy, or condescending. Even now, I just thought I would leave it at that, but I keep right on talking. One more reason I fancy myself a movie buff because I don’t have to speak. Didn’t we talk about music a while ago and quotes from all manner of books and films? I told a friend of what men will do for a woman. Here I wanted the world only for myself as always and forever.

If there is a mountain, a man will climb it or move it if he must. Some men make women angels or goddesses, and so they learn to fly. I said my fate dictates I would fall in love with a mermaid, and I still can’t swim. Oh yeah, we own a yacht, don’t we, but that’s not caviar thinking. Now, if a man wants a queen, you will watch kingdoms fall, which brings me back to my point. I give up air to kiss you enough so I might be suicidal. Only those finger swipes, those pages flipping, the oohs and ahhs from the crowds. The gasps, my work makes me feel alive. It gives us breathing room, and I can’t surrender it ever. I won’t ask forgiveness for my work, baby doll.

May you understand it though for Breaths Of Willing Air.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 198 ~In Exchange For Will~

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Don’t get me wrong, as I still plan on having a business of my own, but for now, it’s time to start making some moves with the money I got, and how do they say, gain the whole world and lose your soul. “In Exchange For Will.”

Wednesday, January 15, 2020

Log 198 ~In Exchange For Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or should I say I have 769,100,000 Pounds Sterling. Now, why would I ever need to know that? In the quest for S E X, I’ve looked up the letters, RICK, CHD, PFE, and was excited for EROS when I first saw it. I agonized over my car last year; not anymore, this is the week. Anyway, I shell out for my Dæmon without question. Whatever It Takes, to keep his health up, of course, I’ll pay the vet. How people say, they change in the name of God but the man that I must become.

I can’t stress this enough, but I’m only speaking the truth. If it becomes a sin, to be honest, then my motivations aren’t worth anything. I’m not a Republican and especially not the President. Someone said the truth would set you free, and I’m not religious either, but unlike last week, I will let it go. The expense of keeping my kid alive, I never question such a decision. It’s only an annual check-up, and everything is fine with him. Again I am traveling through time; today is Monday. Of course, I need to get a refill of his medication before his appointment. Speaking of things, I need to check the Stock Exchange. Instead of letting my money sit in the “Death Star,” I could put it in owning a business. My focus is on Sin Stocks. You know those with Adult Entertainment, condoms, and pills for men. Sometime this week I’ll invest even more.

Why don’t I invest more in being a “good friend?” Do you want to know why I know the exchange rate from dollars to pounds? More adult entertainment, MILF Dos is one of those “California Girls,” but Cherry is across the pond. My Motivations ask, what do I want to be proud of today. Well, I woke up at 1:30 AM to have this conversation with you as always. So if I’m going to talk it might as well be worth something, so I told her I’d stop “giving away” money. I’m smarter with “Specs,” but I know the effect she has on me when she gets close. Cherry isn’t close physically, but money pushes some people away, but with enough? Now that’s something I won’t apologize for, the things I’m doing for more money.

Money, Power, Women, my life exchanged, In Exchange For Will.

I Will Have No Fear