Tag: Love

Gospel 194 ~Love Is The Ultimate Torture~

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Things I can tell my dog and not myself *AHEM* I love you. That’s why hurting myself is nothing, but it’s all panic mode when something is wrong with him. He’s my heart, but what else is there. Money, friends, women? Love Is The Ultimate Torture

Monday, January 11, 2021

Gospel 194 ~Love Is The Ultimate Torture~

Hundred And Seventhly Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and while in Idiocracy, “I like money,” understand “I love money.” Of course, I afforded myself a huge nap this afternoon, and here we are. So either I love my sleep, or I’m not exactly in a lovey-dovey mood. Love hurts, sometimes… There are so many places I can take that. But as always, I’m trying to be a good boy. Speaking of which, that’s the only time I mention love these days when talking to my Dæmon. I didn’t listen to my motivations today, but my son is always my WHY.

“You Always Hurt The One You Love.” That tune is pretty dated. Now, to be honest, it’s one of the reasons I avoided Daily Wellness and motivations. Spotify is bonkers with that old school stuff blasting repeatedly. I’m supposed to speak about my firstborn, trying. Funny, this morning, I was reading again about Jeffery and his boy Galen. How he’s failing as a father, but he loves his kid and failed him. Galen never reacts being a “Block” and all but my son… I look at his furry face and the idea, this hurts me more than it hurts you…

It’s bullshit Madam Justice. I know he’s pained, playing pretend, praying. Better than most women. Okay, this is where the rubber meets blacktop SIGH. Once again, I have to stay on the up and up. I’m not in love with any particular girl at the moment. I’d be worse. The things I say when I’m attracted have nothing on what’s in my heart. Only the words “I Love You” wreck any of my wit. Better to remain silent. It’s again a reason we talk like this, Madam Justice. But my Pinterest boards are starting to regain my usually troubling flair.

My heart, though, remains in a cage. I can tell you truthfully that no, I don’t love myself. Yet, I love freedom. That’s why I keep my secrets, unlike the Trumptards going to jail. Money is still fantastic, so I haven’t been “helping out” Alice Little. Lost her court battle. Addiction pains me every day. Only I’m not spending anything on a fix, yet… Jul3DArt, Love Wolf, QOC, Ero3dLight. I wouldn’t advise looking those up. I want to love the man I’ll be, the woman I’ll have, and the Dæmons siblings. To love me now… Love Is The Ultimate Torture.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 188 ~Such A Squeaky Will~

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The world is noisy, and that’s why I love my Dæmon so much; he’s quiet. If he does get loud barking, it’s to help or be hardheaded, but he doesn’t bark to breathe. People spend time talking to acknowledge existence. With love? Such A Squeaky Will yep

Tuesday, January 5, 2021

Gospel 188 ~Such A Squeaky Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I like Containment. Am I already becoming so confusing at the start of this New Year? Do I mean the show, our home, how I live my life? All three? It’s why I don’t talk much. I’m a hard man to know. One for an epiphany? While I was Just Cruisin’ sometime last week, still angry at Serra Hyundai. Hell, we’re rich. Why am I even driving myself? Yes, I’m tempted to burst out into Cars by Gary Numan. Thanks for noticing. Only I’ve never been a car guy or a much for love type. The thing is Love’s Loud.

You remember that campaign “Love is Louder”? With all the noise in the world, I don’t ask for your love to compete. Okay, this brings me to my epiphany. Driving, I started thinking about when we began dating. I enjoy quiet movie nights, music, museums. Always I remain a hopeless romantic. Forever Hopelessly Devoted To You. A fool for the idea of Love At First Sight. I’m not one to kiss and tell. You know Saving All My Love for You. Geez, might as well create another playlist. Baby Girl, you make my heart sing. People talk too much, and when it came to us because Only God Knows Why, those three little words I Love You are wasted. Of the women I’ve known (GULP), I’ve only meant them four times. To my Mom, to a high school girl, a YouTube starlet, and to you.

Then I found out that love is louder. As I said to the women, I’ve known, but I tell my Dæmon I love him every day. I say it to all our kids. Me, a “Soccer Dad” well, maybe they’ll stick to quieter pursuits. Either way, I’m down. The pitter-patter of tiny feet all over. Those Saturdays, where we can lie together and listen to my “Nuclear” playlist. It seems more prudent than ever. Oh, and why did I have to soundproof our room again? Ellie Goulding’s Love Me Like You Do is all I’ll say. I’m trying to not make you get loud now. Then yeah, I always told myself I had to marry a woman that was a singer. A chef because kids are always spoiling appetites. The Dæmon is looking at his full bowl SIGH. But butterflies.

Telling you baby, I love you, Such A Squeaky Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 187 ~Panic Does Not Serve You~

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The first Monday of the new year. Same job, redundant emotions. And with my “Republican Tendencies” leftover feelings of hate for humankind. It took me a while to calm down after my cray day. Good thing I started this Sunday. Panic Does Not Serve You

Monday, January 04, 2021

Gospel 187 ~Panic Does Not Serve You~

Hundred And Sixty-Ninth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and in other things, I wish I knew. How about being scared to death. I’m terrified, now seeing how I’m coming on or off (with time) another lousy shift. It’s still Sunday, but speaking to Lady Lu, I wanted to take my son to the vet. As I told the Man in the Mirror, it was a night of puppy cries and puke in my bed. He’s had some good hours, no vomit, no cries. Making up for lost time. It seems Madam Justice this year has started off with confessions and another. I saved some money.

Do you remember when I was pissed at Serra Hyundai about wanting another $500? Hell, I still am, but as I was driving away after saying no, I was frightened. Spent the whole ride listening to “Sixteen Tons,” “Working in a Coal Mine,” and “We Will Go Home” for real. Speaking of which, the “Song of Exile.”It’s at the forefront of my mind whenever I head to the Day Job. I carry a plastic bag and a Sprite in my backpack. Yes, I might puke when I get out of the car to start the day. Even now, I’m shaking knowing the coming week. Right this second, I panicked when a friend was a bit upset with me about my views on Trump. I know Madam Justice, it didn’t take long, and here we are, day three or four into the brand New Year SIGH.

Speaking of “Republican Tendencies,” why is it again that I feel that money will solve my problems. Because I would be “Takin’ Care of Business.” I hear my first playlist this year. It doesn’t change the fact with the right amount of money, well who knows, hmm. I do. Last night while fighting addiction, I thought, would “Capital A” forgive me for wanting? Well, what a boy wants. With enough, I would make Target, Serra Hyundai, and the “Day Job” AHEM “quake with fear” or panic. Maybe funding other businesses. How about my panic? What’s the cure there? Again something I can’s share and can’t do anymore but twenty minutes, where am I, in bed. There’s also my Anger and Rage. Please don’t make me quote Yoda. Nowadays, I’m focused on how old I am.

Time is on my side, well no, so yeah, yikes… Panic Does Not Serve You.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 181 ~A Happy New Will~

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I have no clue what I would want once I found love, well to protect that love, of course, but once I have Jeff Bezos’s bank account and a woman to share it with, and 5.5 kids would I be HAPPY? A Happy New Will, can’t I just be happy now, a long story

Tuesday, December 29, 2020

Gospel 181 ~A Happy New Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but that doesn’t make me a great man or a good one. Most days, I would settle for alright. Remind me, when I’m done with “Into The Badlands” to watch “Firefly” again if you got that reference. Today though, I’ve been thinking about “Equilibrium.” I mean, I hate fireworks, the Dæmon and I both. I don’t drink much; ask my BFF about that. Staying up till midnight is usual for me, so no coffee required, eww.

Complaining and lies are habits I should leave in 2020, right? There are fireworks between the two of us, ha-ha. When we take the kids, minus the Dæmon, to see them at Disney World (ahem) Tradition!!! That will be one of those times I’ll have to be just Dad, hmm? Maybe the two of us can dance beneath the sky to a little “Drunk On You,” which is all I’ll ever be. I think it’s rather strange that I want to be a stand-up guy, a superhero. Yeah, and a million other things, and yet I get weak in the knees, butterflies with you even now. Staying awake is no longer a problem when I’m living my dreams, you know. I also don’t intend on sleeping even after midnight, if you know what I’m saying. Yes, the kids are still around, so keeping it clean.

Anyway, you know how I am with being HAPPY, forever, and always. I’m glad, I’m satisfied, hell I even talked about being good. Geez, many years ago, it was always another day. One more year, one more day didn’t make a difference “Endure and Survive.” However, here we are at “The Closing of The Year.” Should I cool it with the music and movie musings? You tell me I better not, right? So how will I be a better man than the one that I am at the moment? I’m the man that is currently planning my first book of the new year. What will be my first song? Of course, there are some things I want to remain. Kissing You, not that I keep track, but there’s always room for one more kiss. A night in your arms. We’re counting how many kids already?

Looks like I’m entering the new year as confusing as ever, but happy is different. Happy is good, happy works okay, A Happy New Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 180 ~Don’t Be Fated To Lies~

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I’m sensing a pattern when it comes to my body these rules. Today is more like what I allow into my mind, heart, and soul. I do plenty to protect my eyes, and I always have my earphones in, and why is that. “Don’t Be Fated To Lies,” I can’t hear you.

Monday, December 28, 2020

Gospel 180 ~Don’t Be Fated To Lies~

Hundred And Sixty-Eighth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that’s not a lie. In a way, I look at it as having less than $20.00 in the bank. The money is there, only I can’t access it yet. I could tell you what’s in my closet right now. Let’s say that I’m missing a few essential parts; that’s all, ha. However, I have never been one for the philosophy of AHEM, “Fake it till you make it.” On the other side of the coin, why believe that I’m doomed when it comes to going to work? Worse is walking around like Faith Seed. “I know you’ve heard stories about me.”

As always (sigh), I want to apologize for being so down, but that’s the thing. The new year is almost here, and for right now, there’s no story to tell. Now I could say that’s because of time-travel. It’s still the 27th… this week will be hard. My parents didn’t tell stories. To be fair, I would choose nothingness over the things they say at the Day Job. Say it with me, Madam Justice “Humiliations Galore.” How many fights have I had with one of my managers “silently.” Will didn’t say that. Now he wishes you would shut the fuck-up. My little Dæmon sits here without a word, yet I know I could be a better dad. So what I carry him downstairs. I pay for his heart medication, and he convinced me to give him hot dogs along with treats. He sleeps in my bed nightly. Yeah, I’m a pretty crappy father, aren’t I?

I won’t lie to you, Madam Justice. “Lies of Omission?” Okay, yes, but the things that make me feel Muy Bueno, like a million bucks or even blissful. Remind me to shop Amazon for a new outfit. Anyway, those things people say are BAD. Those people, I believe, are liars. At least that’s what I want to speak. With my OLDS, I want to say that I do exist. They would fire back, “yeah, your name is on these bills.” I sound like an ungrateful bastard, don’t I? Pardon my French this afternoon. More importantly, pardon their lies about me. I should now have this conversation with the man in the mirror. His lies are the hardest because he goes out and listens to everyone. The Devil Is A Lie. Don’t Be Fated To Lies.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 174 ~Oh, Christmas Tree Will…~

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Another long nap, but you try listening to Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas Is You all day and not want to switch off for a few hours. Although if it made the family, I want someday happy… Oh, Christmas Tree Will…

Tuesday, December 22, 2020

Gospel 174 ~Oh, Christmas Tree Will…~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so yeah, I’m somewhat of a thief. Well, considering all the decorations on this house, how much do I give back? Yes, it’s almost Christmas, but it will take a little while longer to find the spirit of the holiday, I suppose. But I will, promise. You don’t know how many years it’s been. There were times, there wasn’t a tree to be seen in the house. A Charlie Brown Christmas, A Christmas Story, A Diva’s Christmas Carol. Some others were Christmas favorites. Still, I would be busy watching YouTube again.

I still enjoy reading Christmas stories. Some, of course, aren’t child friendly, not even to our dæmons. It’s a tradition I do want to keep alive with us, lying in bed with you. That’s after we invite the kids to watch Santa make his way with the online map, Tradition! Is hot chocolate a Christmas drink? I don’t know, but there is an art to it. Milk, the GOOD Chocolate mix, marshmallows, whip cream, the works. No chocolate chip candles. God bless my mom, but I don’t want the kids getting mad at grandma as I did as a kid. Maybe we’ll be invited to Christmas brunch. My Olds quit asking me when I wouldn’t leave my dæmon behind. Hell, there was a time I had to leave him for hours on end but never again with my new job.

A job that means I’ll have to learn how to trim a tree again. Multiple Trees if I have my way, and I’ll even leave my Gomez Addams persona at the door. “The scent of pine,” ha. I’ll have to learn some holiday movie quotes, but the kids want the tree first; I can’t wait. I want our power bills to be outrageous because of all the lights on the house. Driving to look at people’s decorations. Getting gas should be “truly, truly, truly outrageous.” If you get that refrence, um, I love you even more now. Of course, that’s pretty easy, ain’t it, yep. Speaking of music and a show, I haven’t decided on the “religious” aspect while I’m all for Santa. Presents were something to keep me in church, the same with Easter. I don’t think we should care, but you know how people are high holy days.

I can forget about that but, Oh, Christmas Tree Will…

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 173 ~No Names For Potential Food~

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Last week, it’s what I was keeping in my body, and this week it’s about what I won’t put in. No, I’m not talking about the “vaccine” like I could get a hold of it, and would I want to? More like why I don’t name farm life. No Names For Potential Food

Monday, December 21, 2020

Gospel 173 ~No Names For Potential Food~

Hundred And Sixty-Seventh Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I would do what I can to save animals. Now you should know I’m no vegan or even vegetarian. At the same time, I can’t stand hunters. That is unless we’re talking about “The Most Dangerous Game.” Is that sad? How can I talk about hunting people in the process of killing them? Anyway, that’s an interesting story for another time. Today I want to talk about how I won’t say no to a chicken sandwich. I should have got some bacon yesterday. And how I won’t eat my dog.

Wow, that got sort of dark fast. So when I came up with this rule, I was thinking about the animals. I’ve never had any inclinations of owning a farm though I know Indiana Gone wants to. I see cows and chickens, and I want a sandwich. Clydesdales… yeah, beer. Can’t say I’m a drinker, though. Budweiser was smart to put something cute in its ads. Same with Coca-Cola. Who can forget all those Sarah McLachlan ads? This month has been about Christmas, but the novel “Where The Red Fern Grows” oh God chokes up. My Dæmon, though, sold me on life itself. Why don’t I ever mention his name and I’m sure I have back in the beginning. He’s kept me alive, and even if I was starving… People say it’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine. Always with my firstborn son.

Women are people Will, women are people. Now I know that, of course. I’m also trying so hard to keep my “promise” of how I talk to you and the rest of the girls… sorry, Dirty Diana. My point is, Madam Justice, I can’t be typical with the Beautiful Stranger. Women have lives, and maybe that’s why I fight my addiction the way that I do. The body can be full, but the heart, soul, and mind are empty. It’s sort of the same as writing. You prepare a feast, and then you’re left wanting, and worse, nobody eats anything. Interesting epiphany, yeah? I should wake up early more often. So I start giving names and faces to feel something, anything. And then I either starve myself or bite and leave myself still so unsatisfied.

Maybe I’m hungry, more BBQ? What’s in me or others? No Names For Potential Food.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 167 ~It Will Be Christmas~

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I took a nap today, “dang” it, but I didn’t dream of Christmas. It was more The Walking Dead: World Beyond, and I don’t remember Christmas Time in any zombie movie… Maybe I Am Legend; it was almost Christmas. It Will Be Christmas, so I want Hallmark

Tuesday, December 15, 2020

Gospel 167 ~It Will Be Christmas~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I should be able to buy Santa’s Workshop. I’m not trying to be all Jeff Bezos EVIL. Yet here I am. Baby girl, I’m saying that I hate CHRISTMAS. If it’s any consolation, you know that I hate most holidays, even when I can afford them. How’s that for the Christmas spirit? It’s less about Christ and more about Capitalism, or so I was taught. I’m sorry, it’s been a hard day. The idea of a “Biblical Purge,” sigh. Um, I’ve never been one for fake smiles… I love masks. But our holiday will be a freaking Hallmark movie, promise.

I own a piece of them, too, by the way. For everything I do, am I still trying to buy my way into Heaven. My love “without you they’re never gonna let me in” as Nickleback sang. Why yes, I had to bring out a song, and we will have plenty of Christmas playlist tuneage. I’m sure you still haven’t met my “father,” but I will have to ask him how he made those gallon jug lights as Christmas. I want to decorate, and we’ll have the most gigantic tree. I definitely wish for wrapped presents. I suck doing those, but I’m my mother’s son. Speaking of my mother, while she didn’t wrap gifts ever, she could cook up a storm. Creepy thought, but they say guys go for girls that can remind them of dear ole Mom. So you can cook and sing, of course. Sunday brunch, yes, please.

I want tons of pictures. It might explain the business I’m in some. I don’t have one photo of my “family.” So wanting photographs of the family that we have. It’s not a dream, I know, but I want those memories. Those smiling faces, happiness, friendship, of being, sigh loved. Where I once worked, we sold pajama sets for families. It sounds goofy but seeing all of us matching, including our furry dæmon or our dæmons, everyone hugging. Yeah, I won’t say the holidays I once had were all wrong. I’m never going to be a Christian man. There’s tons of debate about AMERICA. Hell, I never had the Christmas I envisioned, yet I still call myself a traditionalist. I once believed in Santa. I wasn’t always the Grinch or a Scrooge, sweet baby doll.

Christmas is about family, so yes, It Will Be Christmas.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 166 ~No Drops, Tears, Blood, Otherwise~

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I’m not a big drinker, but that goes for alcohol, and I don’t know, um, water. I’ve had two sodas, and it’s ink, not coffee, that’s keeping me awake. Digital ink like virtual blood because this body is tapped out. “No Drops, Tears, Blood, Otherwise.”

Monday, December 14, 2020

Gospel 166 ~No Drops, Tears, Blood, Otherwise~

Hundred And Sixty-Sixth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and truth be told, you know what I was thinking about with this rule. So I’m trying to keep my hands busy with lunch and wiping the “sleep” from my eyes. I could be in bed sweating away unconscious, but I’m trying. Somehow I even woke up early this morning to have a bit of joy. At the very least, I’m feeling glad that I got my reading out of the way. But what I mean is, books are intended to soothe? Baby, It’s Cold Outside, as the song goes. The sound of rain helps me sleep.

These days I’m more into virtual blood, either from the dead or cult. Today I got back into my motivations, and Eric Thomas talked about routine. One more reason I should hurry on along. At 5:00 PM, I got zombies. Oh, and at 6:00 PM, there’s Project at Eden’s Gate. Spitting into the wind and daring to call it progress. Doesn’t make me different than anyone else that has decided to spit on me. At least with masks, it makes it so much harder to do. Haven’t I mentioned before how much I’m loving masks?

I shouldn’t say things like that. Considering how many people are crying over Coronavirus (COVID-19). I’m trying to keep a lot to myself these days or again just spitting out whatever’s been said in years past. Such damning overwhelming secrets. Interesting, but what about tears of joy or finding something funny. Again one more reason I should be sleeping right now to give the world a chance to amuse me. Good luck with that, right? More like I don’t want to give this world one more damn thing for sure.

Makes me think about All Out War from The Walking Dead. Bullets and blood and have you taken a good look at the world lately. Game Of Thrones, Fire, and Blood, but I am trying so hard to stay on the right side of things. Well left… the Electoral College. Surprisingly there are a plethora of bodily fluids, and that might be a bit TMI. Hell, if anything, you know that I’m Toxic, which isn’t right. Poison, Venom, I Heard It Through The Grapevine. For the love of everything, stop me from spilling and overflowing.

Ink should be the only thing that matters to me. No Drops, Tears, Blood, Otherwise.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 160 ~Through Your Eyes Will~

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It’s nearly 3 AM, and I can barely keep my eyes open, so it looks like I’ll be wasting tomorrow well today. If only I had someone to waste it with that didn’t have four legs. “Through Your Eyes Will,” I have four eyes, so I’m complaining because

Tuesday, December 8, 2020

Gospel 160 ~Through Your Eyes Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I still haven’t seen it all. Don’t get it twisted; I’ve looked at every dime of my money or ours, I should say, right? I’m all for 50-50, the 80-20 concept, and 20-20 vision, though after this year. So much to say with foggy glasses. People say that love is blind. Others say it was love at first sight. As for me… when I close my eyes, at least it isn’t the tune of an old white man. You knew I had to break out with Kylie Minogue’s Love at First Sight and Janet Jackson’s That’s The Way Love Goes.

I have always been one for tradition. My love, I am one for the fairy tale. Now no one teaches you to fall in love. As “silly” as it sounds, I always figured one day I would see “Her,” and that would be the end. First time I ever felt that… high school, senior year. Well, you can say that’s when I found my type. Are you that, are you the dream that I imagined. To be honest, you know my musical taste, so I can be open to a lot. On that note, how about another song, I Only Have Eyes for You. Then you ask how was work… However, I find Abby Knox’s book a lot more fascinating and how Bear’s character is. That’s exactly how I fell in love, minus the snowstorm. While I’m loving the masks, if I’m cold, the only place I’ll be looking is to a roaring fire and my warm bed… well, ours.

Only that’s not the reason I’m so late tonight or this morning. I have three words for you, Quest For Camelot. Garrett was blind, and he fell in love with Kayley. He’s another man I can relate to, seeing how he was a hermit until he met her. And Here I Am with you. Yeah, you knew the white men would creep in from Bryan Adams to Vasily Zaytsev and Evan and Jaron (Crazy for This Girl). You would think with all this music, I would be more for my ears than eyes. I’m no one for religion, but I swear I’ve heard God in song. Colorado All-State Treble Choir (Down in the River to Pray). Still, I don’t expect to see him or her anytime soon, for, um reasons…

Baby Doll, you’re like a book. That’s high praise, you know I want to get a tattoo of my dæmon’s name I can read every day. I write books and poetry for a living, amongst other things. So I want to read you Always and Forever. Now I have nothing against Audible these days but actually seeing every line, every curve. I have to see. Still, the two of us here in the dark together. When it comes to you, love, allow me… I want to know what love is; I want you to show me. Through Your Eyes Will

I Will Have No Fear