Tag: Love

Episode 200 ~A Willingly Lost Innocence~

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The words are still not coming easily but what can I say about myself keeping my brand of self-control but I’m not young anymore and if I had a million dollars, would I be a sugar daddy, a porno director, with a “P.Y.T.?” “A Willingly Lost Innocence”

Thursday, January 17, 2019

Episode 200 ~A Willingly Lost Innocence~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
How To Make One Million Dollars, be Paris Hilton, Farrah Abraham, or Kim Kardashian, more to the point be the guy that gets to fuck them and have I been trying to be that man lately? I’m the man struggling to stay awake most days, but losing sleep to read erotica, money for MILF tits, and so much time daydreaming about being the man, which is hard to do when you’re working in “older” style bras.

Don’t get me wrong Dirty Diana, I’m all about the moms but besides the three I know and that defining fact you know what it is about them… innocence, I know I’ve talked about this before, but that guiltless nature of theirs. I know it was only yesterday I spoke of leaving the blameless painless, but that doesn’t count in the bedroom; what is it about putting angels through Hell that gets me going? Take my porno MILF, I will call her beautiful, divine, and everything in-between, but on camera, she’s my “little whore” with her “dirty mom tits” she’s a slut and the like. Only there is something about making a holy roller say those things. Oh so willing.

On the other hand, I’ve never appreciated someone who merely accepts those things, it’s like I’m an explorer and I want to dig that out of a girl, I want to discover it, unravel it and then cover it once again in ribbon, lace, chain, and all that is myself. A man of contradiction, for example, I do want to inflict pain, but at the same time I don’t desire a masochist, I want a girl to learn to appreciate it for my sake. Once upon a time, I had this fantasy of fucking an older model and her young apprentice but what guy doesn’t have the two girls fetish for a little while right?

Yeah more like two decades, I either want the forty-year-old or the twenty-year-old, still, as always I’m a greedy bastard and prefer them both which leads me back to my original question of how to make one million, not that I’m looking for a gold digger. If it’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that money can talk any man out of prison and nearly any girl into Hell but to meet that one… “True Teen Babes,” Exploited College Girls, guess that answers the old vs. young question though I watch the MILF’s videos but the concept A Willingly Lost Innocence.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 198 ~Cold Outside, Willing Approval~

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I don’t need your approval, what I tell myself daily and part of that is because everyone has already agreed to the man they see now and God help me if I decide to change or if some girl likes what she sees in me. Cold Outside, Willing Approval.

Tuesday, January 15, 2019

Episode 198 ~Cold Outside, Willing Approval~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, though I can think of scarier questions, the first time I asked you out, will you marry me, how am I going to drive to the hospital during the winter months in the dark… praying for a summertime baby. I saw a movie once where this man said that a man doesn’t have to run around a woman, he tells her how things are, another man says he looked in the mirror and consulted with himself.

You know me baby-girl, or maybe you don’t, I’ll look at you longer than any mirror, my favorite thing on dates are movies, and of course, on Saturday mornings, lying here with you for two hours, maybe an hour, kids willing, listening to “Nuclear Pop.” Where does such a love come from, for you, our children, for dystopian societies and if I go by the logic of my first born “B III” I would say it was the moment I realized I was more scared of knowing you, terrified that anything outside could take you away, that I would have to explain everything. You see, you’re here, you see me when I can’t stand to look at myself, hear me when I run out of words from music, movies, and how many musings this year; is that the definition of love, being accepted for who you are, not needing approval?

How about forgetting who you are, and becoming what someone needs you to be, some Detroit Become Human right but no music today My Love, okay maybe a little but I go to work, and all day people are more than willing to accept me as they would have me but let me show them who I am? I’m done being the son my parents never wanted and as for your parents; as traditional as I am I would ask your father’s blessing but not his permission, I’m not looking for an alliance with France since taking French in high school. Having a daughter of our own, will I hope she finds a man like me… that’s why I want to be the man you need and every day I want to ask someone, anyone am I him, who approves?

It’s cold outside or don’t you believe me; Someday it won’t matter because as I begin every day, how to make one million dollars, fifty million, billion, five hundred billion but I’m not greedy and would the world approve of a man like me? At the end of the day you chose, the man you see before you, that you want, need, believe in, and love and It Doesn’t Matter what anyone else thinks because it’s Cold Outside, Willing Approval.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 196 ~Love Is Like Will~

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Love in the context of myself is often a dirty word and there a few in this to give you fair warning, there’s also the want of green, and I’m not endorsing PCH, though I still search there but what about for the Man In The Mirror. “Love Is Like Will”

Sunday, January 13, 2019

Episode 196 ~Love Is Like Will~

To Will:
How To Make One Million Dollars, say you have a million dollars, and you’re there, you’re going to get it, but while you’re out, you might as well do a few things before you stop by to pick it up. I remember being heavy into PCH once upon a time, hell you are too, but I’m talking about hours upon hours of play, yeah I honestly missed writing, but I was all in for some simple paper, something green that didn’t make me jealous, sick or more monstrous.

Call it delusion, insanity, obsession, but I never liked it and would I have loved it, if it resulted in my winning… to be like John Wyllie (August 31st, 2012) or Tamar Howard (February 27, 2015). The 27th hurt the most because I remember going into work that day; I was watching the notices and knew that PCH was in town, and how confident was I that all that “hard work” was going to bear fruit, not the job but the games and what happened next? Nearly four years ago, if that had been you we wouldn’t be having this conversation, but again you didn’t want to do any of it, and here you are now, waking up at 2:15 AM every morning, reading, writing, sigh TRYING Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 014 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 020 No Fap)
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
    Failed
  3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
    Failed
  4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
    Failed
  5. I Will Finish The Art of the Pimp by Dennis Hof
    Completed
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel
    Failed

There are days that you hate writing I know; you downright despise it, we can go back to the reason this started, and no I’m not talking about childhood dreams, like most things this is all because of a Bitch (Language), you’re acting like a Pussy (Will)… where’s the positive? The positive is, you can make every day like the 27th, not the failure, frustration, or the train of Fucks (stop already) today could be the day, as your Motivations go. If you want another F here’s one for you, FIGHT, Blessed Cause I Got Fight. The difference between PCH and what you are doing now and yes, you will continue to search with PCH and play the occasional game, not to mention the mailings because honestly, you like money a lot, but you love you and to become someone even better Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 020 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
  3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
  4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
  5. I Will Read Deal with the Devil (The Forge Trilogy #1)
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel

When you looked at PCH you eventually only looking at other people and yes you don’t like most people… you called the veterinarian a jerk, and he saved B III’s life, and you love Triple B because he sees you. I feel sort of like O’Brien from George Orwell’s book 1984 telling you that you must love yourself, it’s not enough to read the words, to obey what I’m saying but you must look at the man in the mirror and know my friend the truth Love Is Like Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 193 ~The Air Of Will~

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Well, the sexy words won’t honestly come today, there is an air of worry and considering “The Art of the Pimp” Mr. Hof says never worry and when once you were working with angels spanking each other amongst other things but no. “The Air Of Will”

Thursday, January 10, 2019

Episode 193 ~The Air Of Will~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
How To Make One Million Dollars, say it, every day when I’m at the day job, there comes the point where I breathe those words and if I can conceive such a thought, then why not ask for more. Hell some people know, for example, the MILF who asked “Will you spank me, will you choke me,” did she believe she would say such things because let’s say that wasn’t my script, devil’s in the details.

My script, you’ll have to excuse me Dirty Diana, but it’s hard to feel all sorts of sexy with the crisis that is my son B III, watching him struggle before his vet appointment, fighting for air. Power, pleasure, pain, as the song goes and all elements of a spanking, hell to spank or to take it. Honestly, I’m down for either; maybe it’s when I was in the 4th or 5th grade and smacking a girl’s ass was the thing to do; I’ve taken spankings when I was a kid, or shall I blame the media. One day we will go over the rudiments of a good spanking, but again my hands, heart, and head are elsewhere, not wanting a swat but a sigh of relief Triple B’s okay.

I’ve read some on masturbation and how we stop breathing, and I’ve watched more than my fair share of “rough” pornos, choking can be a dangerous proposition; but if it turns you on, the things, I’ll “try” right? Truthfully I’m one for the vocal, dirty names, nasty words, moans and screams, and for the majority of my “choking” needs; unless a girl is gagging on my cock… though you don’t want to know how dark I can go with this. Again today is not that day, hearing “Okay” speaking good thoughts about my boy, every breath that he and I take because if he misses one, what will I do?

I’ve never wanted to be the thoughts and prayers type; why not do, I’ll rush into the cold winter air, listen to the cruel words of the vet I hate because I want to hear the natural breathing of family. No submissive with a collar, no release of pleasure or exclamation of pain, the sound of clothes hitting the floor, will ever match my fur baby and I at peace for the night; so much noise in a room full of air Dirty Diana, such is An Air Of Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 191 ~Just One More Will~

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I heard in a softcore um movie once that it’s a disease this thing called love, and if the world didn’t need it so badly I’d go ahead and declare us all zombies, but that’s for one more day maybe? Just One More Will

Tuesday, January 8, 2019

Episode 191 ~Just One More Will~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, when there are only twenty-four hours in a day but as Justin Timberlake/Will Salas said in the movie In Time “A day. You can do a lot in a day.” While I’m grateful for this one, I truly am, I’m also greedy, my first born can attest to that for love is a many splendid thing, love is patient, all you need is love but as I’ve started reading “The Art of the Pimp: One Man’s Search for Love, Sex, and Money.” Not that I’m asking for one more fight but This Love, is everlasting baby-girl.

Suddenly, I love you like one of my novels where I’m saying, one more page, then another minute, maybe let me bookmark one more passage, I’m waking up early to read for one more hour, and now we have a library. I look at B III, and I pray for one more breath of air sometimes… he’s getting older, one more day, he’ll be celebrating his fourteenth birthday in a month, another year, hell I want him protecting one more two-legged sibling, what do you think. Can I have one more girl in my life and then I meet you, then I have Aunt Jemima because I must have my pancakes right and how about Betty Crocker, then I have you in the novels I’m writing, I gain a daughter.

I remember the Genie from Aladdin saying he couldn’t make anyone fall in love, he couldn’t kill, or raise the dead and you can’t ask for more wishes because with those first three you might as well say infinity. I’ll never be religious, too many gods as is but I asked for someone to love (with only two legs), and here we are, forever hoping, wishing, and dreaming of one more word to equal these three, I Love You. Only we don’t need that one more word, a reason there was the invention of the kiss, for but a moment in time, humanity has enough.

Not enough moments like that though so we ask for that one more chance, be it a kiss on the forehead love, our lips meeting, our kids bringing us a smile, I’ll give as many as I can but don’t you want one more. There was a time when I dreamed I was too much and more so believing, I’m not enough but baby I’m yours, and you’re mine, and you ask me, only me incredibly “Just One More Will.”

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 186 ~Will Turns To Ink~

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All the ink I’ve spilled, there is not a doubt in my mind that I am meant to be a writer and worrying about B III keeps me on point most days and with the money, I have split between them, and here I want to be Reality Kings. Will Turns To Ink.

Thursday, January 3, 2019

Episode 186 ~Will Turns To Ink~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
How To Make One Million Dollars, become a pimp, direct pornos, hell even gay for pay if I swung that way, so yeah I guess I understand that, $$$$ wouldn’t be enough for me to sell my body, though I have slightly loose morals… not that much. So baring that I decided to become a writer so I could be whatever I wanted but why wait; I waited too long and missed out on a great girl, there is the fact of “What’s My Age Again,” and dare I call myself INSATIABLE with several different things.

A healthy obsession, as my Motivations would put it; I asked some people what they think I’m obsessed with and without a doubt my son, all the money I have put on him, and he’s even shown up in a story here or there. As for books, my writing was the next thing and how could I not, again that’s what telling a story, writing a poem, talking to you even, it’s bleeding, it’s painful, it’s art, removing the poison from within. Maybe that’s the sin I should have told Inspector Echo because these days the blood has not become ink but different, with time.

Again I hate the holidays, but with the free time I have in abundance, I can’t say I have used it productively as much, my words nonexistent out of my mouth while I watch a beautiful woman moan my name over and over, when is the last time I’ve heard such divinity. My fingers possess the Midas Touch, how much gold is too much to lift them, and then I release those fortunes to see her “treasure box” to watch her skin glow, and how she does shine. My eyes as black as the devil, red from her fire or is it from a lack of sleep which is one more reason I’m not writing my story but instead, directing, producing, and geeking out about it. E.L. James had Christian Grey to write, I wonder how the Marquis de Sade got anything done and Todd Michaels book Begging For It, of course, is damn illegal.

“It’s a wonder that humankind has constructed any kind of civilization with this monumental distraction at hand.” Youth in Revolt

So of course why I have always known it’s possible (with varying degrees of success) living a bit of my story has made me “reluctant” okay downright lazy to write; if I could be like Jadis somewhat, who continued to be the artist but also became the paint. Where have my hands been, if anything I’m wiping the drool from my chin, I’m somewhat surprised I haven’t lost myself in any screen; I’m a cautionary tale of lust maybe because how Will Turns To Ink.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 184 ~Will’s Great Gut Instinct~

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Tuesday, January 1, 2019

Episode 184 ~Will’s Great Gut Instinct~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, well it doesn’t start with greatness, call it fear, hunger, having guts and those are the things you can never show anybody, but that million dollars, my first born child, and you my love are far more than greatness. When I go to the day job I could tell them I was great and it wouldn’t mean a goddamn thing, (a stickler for language), then my friends assure me I’m great and what is it about the breath, buttons, the belief that gets me to agree. My Motivations “What It Really Takes to Be Great,” fire me up without a doubt.

Only a Million dollars is great I want more, B III deserves more than that, and being beside you well that took more than the G-word, sometimes I imagine creating something more than the L-word I suppose. In a way it’s like Christmas Day, New Year’s, the high holiness of Valentine’s Day and what about your birthday, as Ellie Goulding sings it, How Long Will I Love You, and that’s not a one-day thing, a yearly event, though birthdays are like a month right? I heard once that it’s a disease this thing called love, and honestly, I believe that. I mean the things that it makes us do, it’s physical effects on us, and the final result of course.

It’s great isn’t it, like that time I spilled my Sprite at work and when from sickness to panicked cleaner or when I was ready to fight that Goliath, it’s that day when I first saw you and my day is full of love songs and my nights full of blues. You know I’m not one for the Aliens franchise, but I can relate to the agony easily, I don’t drink a whole lot but to be Drunk On You sigh, it’s like being in that hotel again as a kid grabbing a mountain of bacon. How can something be so right and so wrong at the same time, I swear it’s like eating breakfast for once and wondering why I’m stuck in bed. Trying new things in the kitchen and suddenly, Too Much Sauce, going to McDonald’s every day because the cashier “like me” (well I added ten minutes to the next location right)?

My point is I don’t think I’m great, I won’t always feel great even if you say, and Hell I want to be even more than that because you and I, Triple B, our other children we all deserve so much more from me, and that’s going to take courage, a full stomach, figuring things out. I promise you baby girl that I Will; I will because I’m a man, maybe not a great one but I can feel that from head to heel Baby I’m Yours. And while I’m much more of a “Co-Ed Confidential” aficionado, the need, the hunger, for you are so sweet, that I could not deny Will’s Great Gut Instinct.

“Don’t try to be a great man. Just be a man and let history make its own judgments.” Zefram Cochrane

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 179 ~Willies Under The Tree~

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I wouldn’t make Santa out to be a pimp or a dominant, only the owner of a big corporation so that he doesn’t have to worry about money, with one woman he’s been with forever and some little ones that aren’t his but he cares… “Willies Under The Tree.”

Thursday, December 27, 2018

Episode 179 ~Willies Under The Tree~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
How To Make One Million Dollars, Christmas isn’t that expensive; love is priceless, but the present, a gift, that wish, when a girl’s on her knees, when she shuts her eyes, hell when you leave her breathless. God, Daddy, ha my name would be good, but I don’t know many girls who call out to Santa and am I still hoping I’ll end up with some sexy eighteen-year-old vixen one day?

My tastes lately have let’s say matured though I’m not giving up but am I even “trying” at all or maybe I have more sense surprisingly… I didn’t buy any lingerie this Christmas though I’ve tossed around a bit of Erotica. One way or another it’s all about keeping the girl around isn’t it, Baby It’s Cold Outside so yeah it was bras and bikinis one year, books this one, and of course my BDSM lifestyle is all year round. The ideas of ribbons and bows give me a hard-on, and again I like wrapping up a P.Y.T but maybe what’s bothering me today, being dominant is one thing, and if you can love someone, well you can do anything but Santa loves the wives, mothers, and singles too right.

Ho, Ho, Ho indeed, because I want the girl and like any Dom, I want all that she is, now and how many times have you heard me say (from my Motivations) I’m not preaching separatism or isolation, what I desire is to know a woman like no one else. In return, I would give all of myself, and I would want for her to wish for it, be wanton for this, how about being wistful about me. It’s scary to know desire so badly and graver still if not but not from a lack of submission or devotion, instead because there is another life, and as always any man takes care of what; who belongs to him and if his woman values something even more than herself he must in turn value such too.

Newton, Santa, Mother Nature leave something under the tree, gifts to the world and I haven’t heard any complaints yet about mine… other than being a tad bit inappropriate at times. Not today though, this isn’t anywhere near lascivious, this time of the year but what about the rest of this month: sad perhaps this being our last conversation this year, Willies Under The Tree.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 177 ~Will, He Knows Santa~

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One day I do intend to have a house with a chimney and a vast fireplace and be it the roar of the fire, all the wrapping paper, or my mom’s Whitney Houston Christmas tunes I won’t mutter bah humbug. Will, He Knows Santa.

Tuesday, December 25, 2018

Episode 177 ~Will, He Knows Santa~

Dear Future Wife,

How To Make One Million Dollars, I mean if it’s not under the tree, which is only one more thing I’ll have to learn, putting up a tree, Christmas lights around the house, and probably housebreaking B III again as he’ll do what dogs do. I’ll do what dads or excuse me Santa Claus does, I mean sometimes it can be an art, another day a science, a minute, a moment, a memory to make someone happy, the kids, you babydoll, myself, a night like this I Believe In You And Me.

Since I’ve grown up (have I) lover, husband, father, I suppose I have learned to appreciate Christmas for other reasons, yeah I like working overnights, breaking into my house, getting to pretend to be someone I’m not. Maybe that song It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year has it right to a certain degree and here’s another thing what would be my Christmas wish, kids tell you straight, and you aren’t honestly the shiny trinket type of a girl and of course with Triple B, as long as it goes into his mouth… I can be Scrooge, Santa, any one of the spirits, a student of gift giving though like the Beast to Belle:

Excuse my language my love but you know I could be so much worse and on this night I have seen those that would lie but for if not a noble reason, one that brings happiness and joy, tradition and I am a traditionalist. I am my mother’s son, and while I couldn’t tell you what she truly feels about Christmas, she would do anything to see my sister and I happy. I want to see you smile, I want our children to have everything they desire and if that means they believe in a man with a long white beard and a red suit well the things that I have faith in you know?

That’s why my friend got me a zombie fighting kit, how I believe that B III will be quite grey for the time being and if somehow Santa got you here to me, talk about a Christmas miracle indeed. So we’ll stay up tonight, wrapping presents, sipping cocoa, watching The Preacher’s Wife; yep my mom got me hooked or maybe A Christmas Story or A Christmas Carol, and perhaps by the early morning hours I’ll see the man I need to be wishing us all a very Merry Christmas. he’ll have to knock, or maybe the kids see you kissing him, perchance he’s in the mirror, Will, He Knows Santa.”

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 170 ~Looking Forward To Will~

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I don’t want a girl that only keeps me on my toes but knocks me off of my feet, and no I’m not one of those guys if anything I too lazy or too terrified to move but how often do I see someone so beautiful? Looking Forward To Will.

Tuesday, December 4, 2018

Episode 170 ~Looking Forward To Will~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, well probably ten million by this point (Thank You Jim Carrey) but wait how about One Hundred Million, I can keep going and how you know I can run. So I ask myself what was it about you… okay not just you, I tried frying bacon once, set off smoke detectors, I’ve had panic attacks at three different jobs, B III had a fever and hurt his leg, two separate occasions, I was scared, but I didn’t run away those times.

“Call It Courage” is more than a book I read once for school (decent enough), and speaking of school, maybe that was it, I was expected to stay put, I didn’t want to remember the past, the future always got worst but in the end, as the song goes, I’m Alive. Breathing is a good thing right but to keep you; it meant reading a cookbook, it was finding a way to listen to my calling, and knowing in my heart what I had to do. I still can’t cook much but more than tartar sauce, I couldn’t work retail, but my books are selling… and Triple B is going to live to ripe old age, seeing as how we gave him siblings and more comfy spots to consider always.

Like father like son, he looks forward to breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, to relaxing as I read, to the light outside so he can go for walks, four legs and makes it look effortless and here I have two and taking that first step towards you was probably the hardest thing ever. Then on the day, you became mine, your first step, your next, how many after that and you were here beside me, and I know, I say it over and over, I expect to see you go running away someday. Next thing I know the two of us are chasing six feet, who are probably hunting four paws as I speak, I’m sure B III wasn’t looking forward to this in senior years.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mkn1kFmUW5E

Still, I call it Puppy Love because the first time I saw you baby girl, I didn’t know how my legs worked, I longed to make you happy, to hear my name on your lips, would it take a hop, skip and a jump, would I step or would I leap? Do you know why dragons and knights fight; you’re no damsel in distress, my love; you’re my Girl On Fire, man, and beast envy that inferno in women but I’ve Got My Love To Keep Me Warm, so here I stand, and here I stay ha, your Will, my will, Looking Forward To Will?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzSX3PKIZgU

I Will Have No Fear