Tag: Rules

Log 252 ~Heart Hurts More Than Body~

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My Ma would tell me to go easy with all the seasoning salt. I’ve got quite a long history with women, plus I have my furry kid, I haven’t had a heart attack yet, but I know all about broken hearts. Heart Hurts More Than Body.

Monday, March 9, 2020

Log 252 ~Heart Hurts More Than Body~

Hundred And Twenty-Seventh Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, if only because I refuse to see a doctor. Not because I’m afraid. Indeed in this time of plague with the Coronavirus (COVID-19), I’m excited. Now I know that doesn’t sound right, and it shouldn’t, not until there are zombies. Okay, I’ll stop, I know I’m not funny. I’ve never laughed so much until it hurts. Madam Justice, I’m not one for self-harm. Fists at drywall, STUPID things while people watch. Giving into FAPPING (it’s Saturday). Anyway, my body takes a lot, but what about my heart?

Most recently, what I said about Cherry and I don’t mean my novella. I speak my heart to you and the others Madam Justice. No secrets, but you and I both know that’s a lie. If I told you everything, then we would see the end, and that’s how you know I’m not suicidal. Still, it happens the same way; I try to talk to one girl, I speak innocence to another, I don’t tell one more and wham. I’m having a “Harriet the Spy” moment because it’s like they weren’t supposed to see that. I put my heart out here so the body can keep going. The thing is nobody wants my heart. I think that’s why I’ve been down as of late. If I don’t write out how I am, the body keeps it in, and I “mess” up, horny, hatred, heartfelt, whatever.

Women though SIGH, let’s talk about something else that hurts my heart, My Dæmon. My little boy is getting older; he’s bumping into walls, avoiding his walks on cold days, sleeping more. Then again, I’m in bed, and he only wants to be near his Dad. I’m still not working on my stories, and I miss them—what a waste of the day. Somebody took my shift at the Day Job and how did I spend it, Madam Justice, lying here looking at the usual. Even my FEAR of my father doesn’t have me doing anything. Okay, so hurting my friends or them getting hurt, Indiana Gone told me she got punched in the face. My little boy and my writing, what more do I love in this world. The man in the mirror that is such a waste that it hurts to witness myself.

Only the body doesn’t quit, fingers, eyes, ears, dang humming, Heart Hurts More Than Body.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 245 ~Pretending Is Optional, Not Requisite~

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One more story so I can pretend to be a writer, I can say I have more time, but if I don’t do anything with it, and I’m starting back listening to my motivations as if I believe I will be inspired. Pretending Is Optional, Not Requisite

Monday, March 2, 2020

Log 245 ~Pretending Is Optional, Not Requisite~

Hundred And Twenty-Sixth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or so I pretend as such. You know Madam Justice, I’ve never been a fan of that saying, “Fake it ‘til you make it.” Well, my motivations say otherwise. The law of attraction, positive affirmations, my current novella. At the moment, I’m unsure because sitting right here on this loveseat; I don’t have to pretend. The “dang” HUMMING is driving me crazy. In the shower this morning, I was breaking down, if you know what I mean. Going out into the world, I was scared to death.

As the song goes, “If I could be like that.” Again I think of my hero Dennis Hof. He was a Pimp, parent of a dog, and he penned a book. Two out of three right, Madam Justice? Sometimes I walk around like I’m a pimp, but as I’ve been saying a lot these days, things are falling apart. What about my story, am I giving up already? Last night I wanted to, no question. I’m three parts in, and I don’t know where I’m going. In chapter four, Minister Bridgeman is, of course, starting to give away his “holy man” ways duh. What about being a rich man at all? How much money did I send today, gorging myself? Didn’t I have a conversation about not spending money on a new Kindle and an HP Printer? Relax, I didn’t because even pretending to be reasonable is something else entirely.

I pretend to be, well, I’m not even a comedian anymore, I’m only the punchline. What’s sickening though is at the Day Job, I’m upset that I didn’t go in today. It’s (Saturday, February 29) LEAP DAY, which of course, I spaced on. Am I pretending to be a writer, Madam Justice? Getting back into my motivations, one says you’re either a writer or not. I’m not pretending to be a writer, but instead that anything I put down makes perfect sense. I’m living in the moment, and I don’t know what any of this means. My pretending is becoming real but only the worse things. If I may quote another song, “Why do the things I hate come so naturally.” One more reason I sleep all the time. But isn’t that, well “pretend that we’re dead.” I’m not suicidal.

When will I stop pretending Madam Justice, better yet how? Pretending Is Optional, Not Requisite.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 238 ~It Scares You, Do It~

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Is the BBQ that good, am I so concerned about a few extra cents in my bank account, and why I’m not afraid of the dark, I still hate driving at night, but then you ask how do I go out on dates. I’m the Beast, so where’s Beauty. “It Scares You Do It.”

Monday, February 24, 2020

Log 238 ~It Scares You, Do It~

Hundred And Twenty-Fifth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that makes life a whole lot easier. Now I won’t lie to you Madam Justice, my “obsession” with money is a cover for FEAR. You know I’m always one to trade one vice for another. I choose LUST over WRATH. Let me have GREED over SLOTH. Last night I took to GLUTTONY over ENVY. Okay, so what about PRIDE. Madam Justice this leads me to today’s lesson, what am I afraid of; well everything but we don’t have that kind of time. While I was out though last night, I did have thoughts of “Rainbow Girl.”

You remember her, The Rainbow Girl. How I twice asked her out (online) to dinner and a movie. So there I was last night it’s been a full year since she blocked me, of course. Anyway, I’m picking up BBQ in the dead of night, and I can hardly breathe. What about Indiana Gone’s Wedding. I won’t say I love the girl, and in truth, I was angry. Madam Justice, I was mad I had to drive 750+ Miles to her wedding, facing highways, the FEAR of my Olds, and losing money. For some reason, though, I thought I was going to meet a girl. Let me tell you a story about Cherry. I work my Day Job; I have so many novels, poetry, a whole blog. Only I’m writing poetry and short stories for her Madam Justice. I’m reading her work because that’s what she wants. Oh, and how I listen to her about her greatest love of all.

Noticing a pattern, well, maybe not, but I was hungry last night, and I chose to eat well rather than grab a burger. I would go all out for a woman. An opportunity would temper my anger. I work harder rather than stay in bed, and yes, Madam Justice, I made my bed today. Women make me brave, but why not show any PRIDE? I cannot contain my FEAR, and I do not FEAR any woman. Well, except my Mom, she’ll kick my “butt” if I don’t vote. Remember to VOTE people; we must stop Trump and his legion of sycophants and Bloomberg too. What scares me Madam Justice is myself, my desires. My “Dom-Hood,” the dangerous disease called LOVE.

It scares me to be me, so what’s the rule, It Scares You, Do It.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 231 ~Adults Hate Until They Choose~

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When you choose you don’t have time to hate but only to understand, so you start with the question, what do you want and I answer, I wish I were a better man, more to the point that I wasn’t so scared because I do hate. Adults Hate Until They Choose.

Monday, February 17, 2020

Log 231 ~Adults Hate Until They Choose~

Hundred And Twenty-Fourth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and how can anyone hate with that amount of money? In a way, it’s like a public service. The more I have, the less I have to FEAR. Tonight that’s all I know, an overwhelming fear. You know what the news is, as always I hate the humming in this house. I’m starting to hate anything that wakes me up, be it my alarm clocks, memories, and of course, my phone. I can’t even glance at it anymore without becoming ill. Most of all, I hate being AFRAID. Every moment it gets worse, and like Adult Entertainment, it’s everywhere I look now.

Adults Hate Until They Choose and as all of my Motivations point out, what do I want. Madam Justice, I made a list of goals, and I’m nowhere close to them. Indiana Gone and Cherry live somewhat in a state of innocence, I see. You know me, I have a Guilt Complex. For these past few days, I have chosen to go to sleep. If there is a decision to be made, I want to feel good if only for a while. I want to keep talking to you and the others because I have nothing else going. Sloth and Lust, but writing isn’t exactly a job and not a sin. You can place it under Pride or Greed, that I intend to make money this way. How about Wrath that I continue to take revenge for all of my misdeeds? So why not choose another way, be a man.

I choose not to live in half of a house. Only that doesn’t stop the noise now does it, Madam Justice. I’m sitting here in the Den as it drones away, and why? “Eerily,” and yes, Grammarly is going to call me out for that word. Anyway, I’m reminded of those nights when I was sick of the Basic “Witch.” Can I not choose to Live Brave and stop thinking about my STUPID phone? In less than an hour, I’ve jumped twice and for what. Spam emails, and sooner or later, I’m going to get into trouble. Again let me choose to be brave and not live in fear of every moment. Madam Justice, I’ve decided to be a man and not to hate myself.

A Man chooses, but a slave obeys. What am I? Adults Hate Until They Choose.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 224 ~Dogs Have Such Big Hearts~

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I’ve had dogs before, my grandmother’s. His name was Wishbone; he was shot. Grandma lives ghetto adjacent. I had a chow puppy; one of my grandfather’s dogs killed him. “My Dæmon,” once belonged to my sister. He’s nearly 15. Dogs Have Such Big Hearts.

Monday, February 10, 2020

Log 224 ~Dogs Have Such Big Hearts~

Hundred And Twenty-Third Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so My Dæmon’s backyard is enormous. As you know, I’m a time-traveler (Friday, February 7). For the record, I still stick by the first rule of going through time, DON’T.

Anyway, if I were to imagine the future, I see him, he’s grown a beard, or all his little tan hairs are gray. He lies between two or three children, a boy and a girl Luke and Leia, or three daughters, Katniss, Tris, and Ember. Yes, I know there are other combinations. I didn’t even get to name My Dæmon, though we called him Neo for three days, my mother changed it.

I always thought the deepest love was between two partners sharing their lives. The truth is, though, I would kick any woman out on her behind for my firstborn. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t hear the word LOVE. I say it nearly every day, and any time I leave the house. You know how my #2 Impossible Thing is always to be a better father. One of the reasons I’m not is because it’s my boy who shows love 24/7 365. Even now, where is he, you ask? He’s lying against my leg, taking a break from his guard duties. Now I can’t blame him. Madam Justice, he’s the strongest man I know. I’m ashamed to admit this and I should save it for Inspector Echo, but I hit him yesterday. Not on purpose, never, but you know my rants about “Coal” at the Day Job, right? So yesterday I was watching all these bully fights. There was this big one with Bruce Lee fighting all these guys on a rooftop, beautiful brutality.

Well, I’m up, and I’m swinging, and My Dæmon gets excited and WHAM, he gets smacked in the nose. One more thing my son teaches me, and that’s FORGIVENESS. I swear he’s hated me more for vet visits and that never lasts more than a day. Isn’t it ironic that he has heart troubles and my love for him, wow? I buy his medication, his food, everything he needs. I’m sitting here going crazy with the humming. Scared, I did something to my ear this afternoon. I’m exhausted, and all this seven-pound ball of fluff wants to do is help and comfort his own Dad. GRATITUDE, he’s my sweetest blessing.

Dogs Have Such Big Hearts.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 217 ~To Talk Means A Vocabulary~

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Replace “talk” with “write,” I write too much, plus I’m a low, middle-class black man and things wouldn’t turn out so hot under the law but then look at the president and why one of my favorite songs is I Wanna Be Rich. To Talk Means A Vocabulary hmm

Monday, February 3, 2020

Log 217 ~To Talk Means A Vocabulary~

Hundred And Twenty-Second Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I have three different rules about money. None of them say money talks though it’s the meaning. You know I usually tell you I don’t mean to be political. However, these past few days have all been people talking about what they say and language. I tell you about all the humming/buzzing going on in “my” place. My dæmon tells me everything, and he’s never uttered a word. My Mom would tell me my “Father” loves me, but if anything, that’s said with so much cash.

Is that where I get it from, hmm? I wouldn’t say I love my membership with SubscribeStar Adult, but I still forked over $20.00. How about Jada Chan, that was another $10.00. Indeed, money is a universal language, and I don’t like what mine is saying. Oh yeah, I’m still downloading, though, aren’t I? My money tells me, I’m going to be working at the Day Job for the rest of my life. How about I’m not worth much, so I’m not getting that “lettuce” both for tacos and my experience. All my green is telling me goodbye every single day despite what Trump’s tax plan says. Okay, as Eric Thomas would say, let’s get away from money though he has plenty. What about Grammarly and Hemingway? You know I use them to check my writing daily, and I don’t even sound like myself anymore.

For the most part, I sound like a pervert, for example, the way I talk to Cherry. What about the reason I talk to M Anime? There’s also how I organize “certain” files in my universe. It’s as if I’m walking around with a gag all the time. Speaking of time, I should say this before I run out of time and words. Four hundred words a day, or I try. Anyway, if what I speak isn’t inappropriate, it’s downright STUPID. One of these days, it will take over as number one beating the term “Skeevy.” Again I keep writing because words like sorry, hate, and basic you know what doesn’t cut it at all. I talk about being honest, but that usually turns out being, precisely what people think I am. Madam Justice, I value the power of knowledge but take a look around.

I want to learn to speak loudly and clearly, ROAR. To Talk Means A Vocabulary

I Will Have No Fear

Log 210 ~Texting Speed Equals Want Need~

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I’m still plenty for tradition when it comes to books and writing, but I do use my laptop, along with everything else, and you know I was never one for conversations over the phone on in-person, *shudders*. “Texting Speed Equals Want Need”

Monday, January 27, 2020

Log 210 ~Texting Speed Equals Want Need~

Hundred And Twenty-First Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that’s because as the song goes, I “Say” what I need to say. Now I can run an empire by my phone one way; only I still need to speak. If anything, though, I still prefer text be it the Day Job, my Olds, or “dozens” of other people I prefer not to talk to ever.

To quote another song, “What About Your Friends?” Since I am in a foul mood, forgive my impression of “Scar” my friends. The humming is beginning to get to me, that’s been going on for days on end. I wonder, can you text a handyman? You can, I’m sure of, but I’ve already cut off most of the house trying to find the source. So back to my friends who I’ve texted every day for at least a week now. Indiana Gone called me the nice guy, which I don’t mind coming from her being honest. It’s my other friends I haven’t seen undressed though.

One more reason my phone is my enemy at the moment. Now, like most people, I have come to rely on it far too often. You know that old song, Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes, it’s become, phone, wallet, keys. Let me go all Austin Powers, spectacles, testicles, wallet, and watch. I’m more Kid, Phone, Spectacles, Wallet, Keys. Even with all of this, there’s still the constant fear of hacking. I swear I checked my phone and had a few open pages, and now I’m wondering did I close them. With all the humming, you have to forgive the music; Somebody’s Watching Me. Okay, back to texting, I’m always saying something so STUPID. Of course, you know what’s been my motive for the past couple of weeks; I’m giving money away. Not on Patreon or Onlyfans, needing the personal touch.

You know writing Cherry another poem for starters. I also have to get back to M Anime, but I’m busy talking to you. Indiana Gone is my best friend, and I only need to keep her so. If I were to put the three of them in a list? No, I’m not that crass. Yeah, this coming from a guy whose poetic aspirations include Breasts, Tongue. Thighs, and Behind. No woman would tolerate such poetry.

I need friends, but I want more as always, Justice, Texting Speed Equals Want Need.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 203 ~Here’s To Nights Of Living~

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My nights would be, well more my life would be NC-17 because what makes me feel so alive, as in the movie “Just Looking” ahem “An act of love,” but for now, I don’t need to be awake all night waiting. “Here’s To Nights Of Living.”

Monday, January 20, 2020

Log 203 ~Here’s To Nights Of Living~

Hundred And Twentieth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I still don’t know if I would build a time machine. Today is Saturday, and I thought one of my big worries would have vanished. I swear, how long ago was it that I read How to Stop Worrying and Start Living? What about Naughty Little Christmas? When was the last evening that I played Far Cry 5 and lived through the whole session? I’m not going to lie to you, Madam Justice, but I talked about my current “obsession” with trains and buses. Train To Bust didn’t go creating itself nor did A Load For Cherry, my newest art piece.

So why have I been staying up half the night? If anything for this evening’s activities, I’ll be doing battle with Jacob Seed and then taking his bunker. Anything to take my mind off tomorrow, but you know how my old man is, I was supposed to sit on my hide and wait. Now let’s be honest, I’m a homebody; nights out on the town, don’t do it for me, Madam Justice. Sure, when I open my brothel or after my bestseller, there will be movie premieres and such. Guests will travel at the dead of night to visit my establishments. I see myself as the boss in Saints Row: The Third. Of course, I could tell you my real plans for the night, but I’m pushing PG-13, as for right now. If my life were a movie, it would be NC-17 almost all the time, and still, I want to be a family man.

For now, I am, sitting here with My Dæmon sleeping. I have a full belly, and the world isn’t ending. As my motivations would shout, I am blessed. Thank you for all my blessings, show gratitude for how life is at this moment. I often talk about LUST though being my great sin, what about GREED. The perfect day, what about the perfect night? I want to be out at the movies with a few pretty girls. Besides the stuff they would do, we would go to a “certain” type of club. I could spoil the movie for another girl. Also, I want a five-star hotel and my video camera. I wouldn’t worry about anything in the morning. Tonight I am alive, Far Cry 5, working on my stash, bed?

Here’s To Nights Of Living

I Will Have No Fear

Log 196 ~Hell’s For The Good Times~

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Is there anything that entertains me? That doesn’t result in sin; well, there’s always my dæmon who I value over 99% of the populace and those people who do entertain me, well it’s rarely over a conversation. Hell’s For The Good Times I know so well.

Monday, January 13, 2020

Log 196 ~Hell’s For The Good Times~

Hundred And Nineteenth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and depending upon who you ask, Heaven and Hell are still on the table. Both were looking me in the face today “Saturday” it was a pretty decent storm. You know how I tell myself stories to get to sleep. Now those have been from Far Cry 5 for the past few weeks. Anyway, while I was driving, I imagined I was flying for the Resistance in Star Wars: The Last Jedi. There was also that scene in Star Trek Deep Space Nine when they pressed on to Cardassia Prime. What about Starship Troopers, flying one of their ships, and carrying groceries?

Let’s say being a Sci-Fi aficionado is one of my lesser sins. Okay, what I want to do with most of the leading ladies in those series is a one-way ticket to Hell. Heaven has never once shown me anything I want, or as the song goes, “peace of mind.” Sure, I want peace, especially these days. I keep telling myself I’m going to leave these young women alone, but I’m going crazy. Dennis Hof built his Heaven in an industry that most think would earn him Hell. If that’s the case, most of my heroes will be there. I was telling Indiana Gone yesterday. America excels at two things, meaningless sex and mindless violence. Everyone gets on me for the one, but hey, I can shoot all the cultists I want, along with a plethora of other crimes, Justice.

My Olds may speak of something different, but the church was never a good time. No, I’m not getting down on myself, only the facts. I still recall I got kicked off the Daystar Facebook page for talking about one of their girls. Okay, that’s more a story for Inspector Echo. Here’s a fact for right now, well I can’t tell you because again I don’t want to put that out into the universe. One sin, though, leads to such “restorative” pain. The point is, I want more because what does Heaven have to offer? Idle hands are the Devil’s instruments, but my hands are working right now. I want to build a Heaven that’s full of sin? Why not a Hell full of angels? In a minute I’ll say let’s return to the garden.

In the Garden of Eden, honey, I can’t stand boredom, Hell’s For The Good Times.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 189 ~What Was The Point There~

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Point A to point B, but in some ways, the point of it all is to stand your ground no matter what, and so I did but why, how about asking why I play “Far Cry 5” an hour every day or what’s with my writing. What Was The Point There?

Monday, January 6, 2020

Log 189 ~What Was The Point There~

Hundred And Eighteenth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but what’s it all for, you ask. The short answer, quoting Limp Bizkit “Nookie,” how about “Girls, Girls, Girls,” or she got me “So Hott.” The long story would be well “Be Not So Fearful.” FEAR is a big word. Now, of course, I could say “Everybody Wants To Rule The World,” “If I Had $1,000,000,” and “Power.” Notice POWER is bigger than FEAR. Also, the fact that my Wi-Fi is playing games today, so the music is sporadic. On the positive side, I had to get-up.

Eric Thomas says to fall on your back; if you look up, you can get up. Why did I start listening to these motivations? Let’s stick with the question of what was the point. It happened by accident, the Nuffsed Intro. Even Spotify noticed I needed the boost. I’m sticking to my promise, my Will, but yes, the fact that I stood up against LP a few days ago. I did that because I refuse to have another person look down on me, again I’m looking up. I can’t ever be anything less than myself and what do I say every single day, I AM a Billionaire. That explains why I have a few girls chasing me now, Madam Justice. Why this morning, I was once again looking up, travel fares, and a hotel and casino resort. If it works for Alice Little well? Still, as Eric Thomas says, no jealousy, no envy but I’m sicker, faster, bigger, badder, no doubt.

Why, because this morning the fact is I can do my job, but I hate the people there. I do believe in the law of attraction, so as always avoiding the negative, I want a position where I don’t hate, fear, or mourn. I want POWER is beyond my reach. Let’s say “BBB” but also bullion, biology, etc. What about what I said to you know who the other day. She’s just a friend, but the old me wouldn’t have dared. New Year, I will be bold, brave, a bad boy for life, or who knows a good man. Funny no internet and suddenly let the pop culture references fly free. Last week was to show that I can and will endure. Whatever happens, I need only this question. Everything I do is towards my desire for Power, so What Was The Point There.

I Will Have No Fear