Tag: Rules

Episode 127 ~They Don’t Understand Your Shit~

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Nobody has to understand you to be successful; hell people can know everything you say is a lie, and you can still be president, but I’m only a writer, with his real fantasies and fictional stories but will they know? They Don’t Understand Your Shit.

Monday, November 5, 2018

Episode 127 ~They Don’t Understand Your Shit~

Fifty-Seven Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, a part of me wants to say, be Donald Trump but we understand his shit, he’s an asshole, now I could talk about his followers but more to the point I think about “Braco,” “E.L. James,” or The Walking Dead Fandom. I know that alone comes off as confusing, but that’s everything when it comes to me, thus the rule because nobody understands and in truth, I hope they never figure it out because if they ever do that…

For example, today is the hell if I know “anniversary” of almost getting fired from the day job and why… skeevy, pervert, stalker perhaps, take your pick, just like I do, I was afraid, I’m a traditionalist, and I consider myself better with words on paper ha. How about the fact that nobody seems to understands me at work when I attempt to speak because my voice comes off so small, and don’t even get me started on how many times I’m referred to as “Ma’am” when I’m picking up food. What about my novel, don’t I mention NaNoWriMo daily but anyway, my protagonist and antagonist are “sleeping with” two girls, before that they were having fun with three more.

The good news is if by descriptions you can recognize them you’re probably very “wrong” like me, but honestly games like “Virgin Roster” don’t get made themselves, somebody greenlit the game “Rapelay,” certain costumes get made, and photo shoots get done. Some people like football, others The Walking Dead, athletes die sometimes, and people cheer for teams as if they’ve done something, but I’m wrong for worrying about Walkers or liking The Purge. “Indiana Gone,” told me that the key is communication but even if wasn’t for “The Tower of Babel” (I don’t get religious people honestly) understanding especially in these days is not valued.

I keep telling myself that even if I don’t get my novel I must be saying something but to me, it’s only a list of sexual fantasies in an apocalyptic universe which allows for my darkness; for maybe a day I thought I was into Teratophilia… perhaps a little. What about wants, wishes, woolgather, my writing, I can’t tell the day job all of that is why I would rather not lose week after week to take care of their shit, honestly Madam Justice I don’t understand and they can’t, They Don’t Understand Your Shit.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 120 ~Don’t Make Their Lies True~

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I don’t bother to introduce myself; I won’t even say hello because if the conversation goes further than that, do you care how I am, should I care how you are, sooner or later you’ll lie to yourself about me. Don’t Make Their Lies True

Monday, October 22, 2018

Episode 120 ~Don’t Make Their Lies True~

Fifty-Sixth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, the first bit of change but why should I, you know it’s never me wanting to fit in, it’s what’s left inside me, and then I don’t recognize who I am anymore, yet one more reason I avoid mirrors.

Last week I talked about writing a decent sentence but how many people have seen that coming from me, no instead I believed the first lie from my “father” and that was “stupid” everything about me. Madam Justice I don’t want to be a downer today but isn’t ironic that with lies you can be president but the truth can put you in prison regardless of guilt or innocence, I heard again I was stupid in my “home,” and thus I became it. So I’ve spent my life wanting to be everything but, I read every day, I attempted to join Mensa, hell I don’t know how many books I’ve written, but I struggle with such small tasks making my father and everyone else smarter.

In the flesh, I am ugly, and like the Phantom, Quasimodo, or Cyrano de Bergerac, I began to wear masks, I hide upstairs; my downstairs barely has furnishings, and I don’t bother to fix the doorbell; how about the fact that I hide behind words? I don’t check mirrors because there is no point, I wear hoodies and dark colors, I keep earphones on always, the music a feeble attempt to drown out the lie that is becoming the truth.

Of course, I can’t neglect this, let’s say half-truth that got me here talking to you… how many times will I return to this; I was acting skeevy and creepy to a girl, fair enough, I started talking to Lady Lu and next thing you know I’m a stalker. Now if comparing a girl to Brazzers or Reality Kings is one thing, I get the same damn reaction if I write something sweet, of course, when “gentlemen” pay me for my words, they get girls panties to drop quick. Even now you might say I sound bitter, to one girl I’m too sweet, to another I attempt to nail her whenever she comes by, but my point is I don’t know my truth as I’m in many lies and falsehoods.

With that on repeat having never known myself since the cradle, believing and knowing I was worthless, nothing, and stupid and having the world echo that well… it started with one man and a bitch here or there; it can end with one man, me, that’s if I figure out who I am one day, Don’t Make Their Lies True.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 113 ~Always Write The Truest Sentence~

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As the song goes, every day I write the book or NOT, I found out it’s too late to submit a short story for competition but still, it’s not only a goal to write, it’s my purpose if that is the truth. “Always Write The Truest Sentence.”

Monday, October 22, 2018

Episode 113 ~Always Write The Truest Sentence~

Fifty-Fifth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, is there a fairer sentence these days, the first words of a short story I still plan on writing, all those missed sentences I didn’t read at work as I signed my name, how about the death sentence I hope has known conclusion, somebody getting fired. The truth of the matter is that first sentence; if it doesn’t do what is needed then the last sentence doesn’t matter now does it, and when it comes to you and the others, the concept of making a million dollars is it.

It sounds a lot better than, I’m getting in her pants this way or that way; already I’m beginning to look like a hypocrite, but damn do you know everything that a million dollars could get done simply. When I was a child, it used to be what two-hundred dollars could do, and like my money my sentences have grown as well and again like my finances, this is not always a good thing. My money and my writing have to speak for me because more often than not when I talk out loud, it’s not the real me and you know I despise liars but take this as true; if anything I’m an artist.

“Artists use lies to tell the truth. Yes, I created a lie. But because you believed it, you found something true about yourself.” ― Alan Moore, V for Vendetta (Goodreads)

I can’t say I rightly know what people find out about themselves when they read my writing but for the majority, when I speak I find out they are shit human beings, of course, there are exceptions “Indiana Gone,” “Okay,” yeah I can’t even name a few I can be myself around. So am I Will, when I’m writing… now that would be terrifying, a guy that would rather be with machines than people, a sadistic photographer who does everything to his victims, a vengeful cult-leader? Who do I want to be tomorrow, hell who do I want to be from minute to minute, this is more a question for Lady Sophia, but I’m not going to get to my short story today am I.

Love The Way You Run, working title of course but now I’m stuck on writing the first sentence, but it’s more like the story I tell myself when I first leave work, what did the general manager say “read between the lines.” First there have to be lines, and then there are words and somewhere in all of that junk lies me and if only someone would care to look but the fact that I’m not writing means *sigh* I don’t want to be found; is that the truth or a lie dear Madam Justice, Always Write The Truest Sentence.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 106 ~For My Opportunity Anything Goes~

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Today was an opportunity for a decent day, every day is born with the same hope, but you must be willing to fight for it both metaphorically and literally as other people take their chances and make their choices. “For My Opportunity Anything Goes.”

Monday, October 15, 2018

Episode 106 ~For My Opportunity Anything Goes~

Fifty-Forth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, I heard somewhere that you don’t wait for the opportunity to knock, you drag it inside kicking and screaming… everything is violent. I’m still caught up in last week. You see when I fight it’s not to teach a lesson, it’s not only the need to defend myself but when I reach that level I’m not even thinking about winning, I have but one function for the victory… kill.

“Tell me why you kept on kicking him. You had already won.”

“Knocking him down won the first fight. I wanted to win all the next ones, too. So they’d leave me alone.” Ender’s Game

One of my favorite motivational speakers says there are only three words that you need; “WHATEVER IT TAKES” this is what makes a person unstoppable, limitless, you do this because there is no other way. I was speaking to Cherry, and she said, writing shouldn’t be a chore, and I won’t lie to you, it can be damn hard sometimes but so can breathing, sleeping, hell being me, Superman (It’s Not Easy), so compared to all that, writing is natural. Everyday something can come of this though I can’t say I’m thinking positively in that aspect, you do remember why I got back into blogging, keeping anything close to a journal, find a girl that pisses you off, or that you like a lot, both ended the same way, honestly.

I have a question though; if writing is my Plan A, why am I still working retail, I even told my coworkers today, if I’m still at it in fifteen years, go ahead and shoot me but to think at one point I did see that job as an opportunity… the pursuit of happiness it is not. There was an opportunity today for a more permanent position at work, but seriously I couldn’t run a crew of three black guys, I like being in charge, but a whip might send the wrong message, and I’ve said it before, if I were white, hand me a polo shirt, and a Tiki Torch. Money though opens up plenty of opportunities which is why I’m always so concerned about it nowadays because without it… so why is right here and now so important, every day I take this time to get it all out, regardless of what comes of it, such ill will.

In every moment lies opportunity and I learned a long time ago, you don’t have to play by everyone else’s rules, I’ve been thinking about this at work *ahem* I’m not here to be your fucking entertainment, I’m not here to be your damn friend, I won’t be taking your shit anymore. I am here to make money, this is my opportunity to do something so that I can have a better life far away from you assholes and if that means fighting for my right to exist, can you hear me now, if anything For My Opportunity Anything Goes.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 099 ~Things Will Always Get Worse~

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If I have to go over the lies, I’ve heard in my life one whopper would be “It Gets Better” a rallying cry for the “LGBT” youth but I have seen so many people asked to turn the other cheek, let it go, forget about it. Things Will Always Get Worse

Monday, October 8, 2018

Episode 099 ~Things Will Always Get Worse~

Fifty-Third Rule Madam Justice

How to make One Million Dollars, it helps to stay gainfully employed, and I was on the cusp Madam Justice, perhaps I’m fortunate that there is such a disconnect between my brain and my tongue because here is what I wanted to say to Dumb. First off don’t you f*ing talk to me ever. Secondly I only work here, the product is your problem, and finally, if you ever dare talk down to me again you’ll be too busy picking up your teeth to worry about boxes, now F off.

Language please, maybe “Under His Heel” is rubbing off on me minus the gayness… yeah, the things my mind comes up with only get worse but again having no job would be the absolute worst. The thing is Madam Justice is if I don’t stand up for myself things do get worse, this was Dumb messing with me today, Dumber is bad enough, and Dumbest will get me fired and the fact that the three of them think they can get away with it. How about “Okay,” I got to see her naked but I’ve gone from confident “bad boy” to Christian Grey begging for Anastasia, no wonder she is no longer interested, I know.

If it isn’t violence or sex, it’s retail therapy, I’m getting closer and closer to spending a lot of money; I put items in my cart online but I didn’t go through with the purchase but I want something to make me feel good and if I can’t F someone up one way or another… Takes me back to the days I was in school, and after a hard day which was all of them, I would go to the house, pop in GTA Vice City, add a cheat code and then, well that’s more a confession for Inspector Echo. Games like books and music can take you to another place, and if things get bad there well, at least they have a limit, and you can always start over.

Now I’m not saying things can’t get better, if anything because of the motivational jargon I have to believe that the best stuff is yet to come, like this million dollars I keep going on about, or the bit of satisfaction I would get from kicking some ass. Remember though I always live my life for five-minute intervals, and the world ends, and I don’t have to worry, but the bombs don’t fall ever, so Things Will Always Get Worse.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 092 ~Riches, But Looking For More~

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I wish I could say it’s just money that I was burning and that I didn’t have to worry about it because there would always be more but what about time and words, doesn’t that count for more, sadly Riches, But Looking For More.

Monday, October 1, 2018

Episode 092 ~Riches, But Looking For More~

Fifty-Second Rule Madam Justice

How to make One Million Dollars, or maybe the real question is, why do I want to make one million dollars, when in the end I want so much more than that, but this is about stepping away from money right, nobody’s paying me a damn thing yet. I refuse to say I’m looking for happiness, revenge is a poison Madam Justice, and somebody said everything is about sex but sex is about power, and I say I want to be full, but at the same time I give all I have to you here.

There is no trouble at all telling you what I want but as for today as always I want people to suffer, to pay, I want retribution, I want my anger, as a matter of fact, I need rage if I’m going to get everything done today and even now I’m wasting time. Somewhere it’s written that one would instead feel something than nothing and I believe that in a way humans are greedy and as much as one may want to, you can’t wake up happy. Trees convert carbon monoxide into oxygen; they take what the world gives them and produce something positive for somebody else, I work the same way, I take the hurt and the pain and make smiles, for somebody else, I live off the misery as if I were a masochist, but I prefer sadism.

Didn’t I say yesterday that this is supposed to be the week of positive thinking and how many times have I said that I’m grateful, but today I want a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese meal, a new Kindle Tablet, and to be done writing because I’m saying three thousand words. Now I could have all of that at this very moment Madam Justice but what would I have left here, how would I feel afterward, I suppose the same with you know what. How will I believe if I do get this accomplished, I woke up early today, made my bed, worked, got off an hour ahead of my shift, I felt like a winner for a bit but where did that feeling go and that’s how it goes with happiness honestly. Isn’t that why the writers keep going, the Republicans keep stealing, and the dog keeps snuggling because it is never enough, is that why I dreamed of Daybreakers last night, I suppose.

True enough I could list everything I want, and that might solve my problem because I would be writing forever, but the greatest riches a writer could have is readers, immortality, worlds of their own, Riches, But Looking For More.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 085 ~Anger Burns Hotter Than Lust~

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Too many sad friends to give into my misery, and trying to start this new week out of bed if I’m lucky but waiting to go to work and then after, my dose of the rage virus it seems, Anger Burns Hotter Than Lust.

Monday, September 24, 2018

Episode 085 ~Anger Burns Hotter Than Lust~

Fifty-First Rule Madam Justice

How to make One Million Dollars, I wish those ideas came as fast as things I’m mad at or how quickly I get hard, though I didn’t wake up with Morning Wood, no I woke up angry that every other part of me had to get up. I read somewhere that couples shouldn’t go to bed angry, and most nights I’m not sure how I feel, though I usually tell myself stories, I go over games in my head, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time maybe Detroit: Become Human.

Back when I had a full-time school schedule, though I remember a pretty girl here, or there it is the rage I embraced the most, and now, hell I can be angry that I don’t have time for gaming, the money for it, that I don’t have a pretty girl like North, Kara, or Chloe. I’m mad that already I feel sick and what did I do wrong, I woke up right when I wanted to, ate breakfast, I’m even talking to you this morning so why should I be in pain. How about the fact that I can’t have hope, no I’m afraid which only means I need more anger to fuel me because when I get to the day job, what happens then?

Wouldn’t indifference be worse, I either want your head on a stick or your head on a… yeah it’s easier to talk about hate as always, people more often than not prefer my misery and they want it with me smiling. Me and my dumbass smile, THIS I CANNOT DO (anymore) I mean, so either I’m a pervert, a psycho, but never a person and strangely enough that makes me mad because do I honestly want to be like any person I know nowadays. Everyone I like is suffering, the man I am, I still hate, which goes perfectly with hating the majority of human beings so yes indeed I enjoy looking at beautiful things.

The Beautiful People, maybe that’s why I want anger because I want to feel something other than anything to be ashamed of right; being mad makes me damn well normal but pictures of bodies one way or another gets you kicked off Pinterest but not today. For now, I’m angry that this day isn’t going as planned but I am in more control dear Madam Justice, surprisingly this rage and Anger Burns Hotter Than Lust.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 078 ~Find People Worth Suffering For~

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Today’s word is ow, I should probably say sin, sacrifice, and suffering but yes pain encompasses all that, and I’m not suffering for anyone but me and who the Hell am I honestly? Find People Worth Suffering For

Monday, September 17, 2018

Episode 078 ~Find People Worth Suffering For~

Fiftieth Rule Madam Justice

How to make One Million Dollars, or is he, she, or it worth that much honestly but haven’t we already covered my little boy with Rule Twenty-Four Be Who My Dog Deserves, which was also Lesson 261 I’m just saying.

Now sure I want plenty of things and there was a time I spent afternoons at the track for horse racing, and then I fell into Blackjack, Poker is a bit more complicated but speaking of which I’m sure I’ve told you about the Blackjack Scale I use when it comes to people… Anyway this morning I was thinking about The Purge and The V Games from “Ven” by Ker Dukey and K Webster, and it’s a tossup between what I would do to protect another person over what I would do for let’s say revenge. Either way, people bring about sin, sacrifice, and yes suffering and while I would go through Hell for a laugh what would I do for another’s happiness, in the end, be the joke *sigh*?

I look back at some of my poetry, and I can see that while in one way I so wish to honor women, I do the exact opposite, but still, those words were hours off my life, things better left unsaid perhaps but women are always talking about a man’s time. Hell Madam Justice, the time I have spent doing things this morning, I’m not proud of, but like most of my gender I am an idiot and believe you me every day I’m Hustlin’. Nah the keyword is suffering.

So what makes a person worth suffering for; as I clued in “Indiana Gone” a friend is a girl you haven’t slept with yet or a guy willing to throw punches in your defense and as always I’ve avoided doing any fighting. Hatred is suffering, but so is love, so the real question is which hurts more, and I answer love but what person do I love, does need even count, I hope not. If I’m breaking this rule by not searching for somebody to like, is there anyone out there looking for me, and I’m sure the Christians would say Jesus, but you do know you’re talking to someone skilled in all manners of Torture Methodology Dear Madam Justice.

Of course, I have no problem finding people to hate, but that fire, while it burns, is but a candle for today because what will I be doing after this… suffering still especially if I plan on going to the movies tonight; what might happen, Find People Worth Suffering For

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 071 ~Everyone Will Hurt You Someday~

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I don’t want to hurt you, but everyone makes it so damn tempting that it’s hard not to want to partake, why can’t Trump sign off The Purge, considering everything else he does but no I suffer in silence? Everyone Will Hurt You Someday.

Monday, September 10, 2018

Episode 071 ~Everyone Will Hurt You Someday~

Forty-Ninth Rule Madam Justice

Give Me One Reason to deny this, people are a pain, so is life and love, and I don’t mean to sound so bitter right out the gate but honestly, the fact that I’m not in jail (for putting someone in the morgue this time) is truly beyond me. So who hurt me today; Madam Justice I’m a believer in “Black Lives Matter,” but there are reasons I don’t date black women, why I don’t have any guy friends besides the dog, black people *sigh*.

“You mock my pain.”

“Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.” ― The Princess Bride (1987)

I told “Indiana Gone” today that if I were a white man after today’s events at my day job, well then give me a polo shirt and a Tiki Torch and I would be out there marching I mean dammit don’t we all have the right to live? Maybe it’s the fact that these people aren’t worth suffering for and that’s all there would be, in fear, in rage, and most of all in truth and that’s what hurts most of all. My entire life is spent suffering for others, and then when it comes to love well that makes everything seem pale in comparison, it makes it worthwhile and while I love my boy like pancakes this pain I have from these fucking people…

“truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.” Bob Marley

Rule 49 is, of course, a two-part rule, but to know that people will hurt you, to understand it as if people have ever attempted to appreciate me; you know I always say someday, but here I am hurt today, humiliated, hate personified by the very race that cries justice. No Madam Justice that’s what I demand, a white co-worker asked me a week ago ‘can black people be racists” and I told him “of course” but compared to his race it’s a drop in the bucket but the thing is in my thirty-four years of life I have more reason to hate black people than white. I’ve been spit on once, fired probably twice but by my people, terrorized, beat up, rejected, abused, and nearly killed and am I a racists Madam Justice, or sexist for that matter, women?

“… but the truth is that I dislike most men as much as I dislike women. If anything, I am an equal opportunity misanthropist.”
― Andrew Davidson, The Gargoyle (Goodreads)

I’m a sadist Madam Justice, though I should probably save that for Inspector Echo and Dirty Diana only it’s a little bit funny that when I do hurt people, it’s those I have no beef with, and I never harm animals, okay I smash bugs, nobody’s perfect. I’m scared that one day I will find someone who loves me and I’ll want to put them through Hell if only to understand why but these people today… I hate them so much that they ain’t worth my time to hurt but Everyone Will Hurt You Someday.

“From the moment I met you, all those years ago, not a day has gone by when I haven’t thought of you. And now that I’m with you again… I’m in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you- I can’t breath. I’m haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me. My heart is beating… hoping that kiss will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting me… what can I do?- I will do anything you ask.”

“… if you are suffering as much as I am, PLEASE, tell me.” ― Anakin Skywalker

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 064 ~You Vote With Your Crotch~

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When I was voting for a president that was easy and sad, between blondes and brunettes, kiss or kill, money and everything else, what story I’m going to write next, will I ever get the opportunity at this rate? “Vote With Your Crotch.”

Monday, September 3, 2018

Episode 064 ~You Vote With Your Crotch~

Forty-Eighth Rule Madam Justice

Give Me One Reason, to fight my biology, the Chemical impulses, or the denial of fate, especially at this stage of the game, I haven’t known such fear since hmm… cops burst down my father’s door years ago; I nearly lost my job because of some bitch. How about the first time I saw Little Lupe, I visited Motherless.com, and now Pinterest again, hell if I’m still here Wednesday I might tell you all about it but now Co-Ed Confidential.

“At 4 1/2 months old, a human fetus has a reptile’s tail; a remnant of our evolution. Maybe that’s what I couldn’t escape. You can fight a lot of enemies and survive. But if you fight your biology, you will always lose.” Lord Of War

You’ll have to forgive me if I can’t get the quote word for word but James from Co-Ed Confidential (porn series) talks about how your head can become confused, your gut can do so many things, your heart, how it’s broken but your crotch well… points the way. I didn’t say the right direction but somewhere wanted, hell it’s how you get Trump in the White House, a guy sleeps with pornstars, the Catholic church, and its horrors, and a Pastor gropes Ariana Grande. Meanwhile all day I’ve felt utterly terrified, and it will probably be worse tomorrow, today being a holiday and all, I still remember when I got sent to an “alternative school” for my “wanting” of violence; honestly the lesser of two evils Madam Justice I’m saying.

“I believe in consequences.

No, you believe in guilt.

Maybe. But guilt, before we act, is called morality.” Liberal Arts

What about wrestling, I’ve seen Charlotte Flair naked, but I still root for Becky Lynch for wanting to kick her ass because I believe that’s fair, now why can’t that be the same for other women, for other decisions in my life. Something beautiful can stop a lot of destruction and then again it’s beauty that can cause the same annihilation and then you know what they say about an eye for an eye. Atom Bomb Baby, so if wanting madness and mayhem makes me question Am I A Psycho and a beautiful woman makes me a creeper what else is there? Power for power but what leads to this and that Justice is MONEY.

“An eye for an eye and the world goes blind.”

“In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king” (Mixed and different sources)

So if this rule has landed me in such hot water, why don’t I ignore it; because before there was money, when love was not a concept, when feeding your belly and standing tall was all there was, and getting your head caved in well… there was flesh, and that guides everything. Now if I told you that money was all there was for me what would you say, which is worse; the want of death, of life, of all things material, even wanting to be a better man, every single day we vote, how so, Vote With Your Crotch.

I Will Have No Fear