Tag: Worry

Log 026 ~Worrying Winds Of Will~

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What’s the point of waking up to worry, to breathe so others can use such valuable air only to make you regret your last one and why not count my blessing of being near an AC? “Worrying Winds Of Will”

Saturday, July 27, 2019

Log 026 ~Worrying Winds Of Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Millionaire right now, and I still worry. I said a few times that the more you have, the scarier it gets. More money more problems like the song. You know I would give anything for such huge concerns. If you asked me what scares me the most these days, it would be my voice. I’ve never been one to blow hot air, to talk rather than breathe. To this day I can’t stand people that talk about A Quiet Place. You know, “why didn’t they build a home next to the waterfall?” People desperate for their voices, Lady Lu.

One day I need to write a review on that reasoning. Would it be any better than me talking at a Drive-Thru? How about talking on the phone? I swear if one more person refers to me as Ma’am? You know that’s one more reason I’m on Brainbuddy and I’m still screwing up. It says that overtime your voice becomes stronger, manlier, hell I’m back starting at day one. Positive vibes, I did do the exercises today and woke up on time. It doesn’t matter though because how do people see me, but that’s another good thing I usually don’t care. More to the point I’m worried about how people see our conversations, all of them My Lady. One more reason I’m not going for a paperback novel, other than being cheap or damn lazy?

Yeah, I worry about how much money fans in my hands. This morning I was nervous because I thought the AC had cut out. I’m a man that’s scared to call his Olds, and I shouldn’t have to because I’m an “adult?” Yesterday it was the fact that I almost killed B III because he was begging for BBQ and he looked like he might choke. Hell, I thought I might never get from under my sheets this morning. I’m always on high alert when I take Triple B for his walk. I can’t even carry “Lucille” to protect us because somebody ahem (white neighbors) might call the cops. The state of my country and I shiver more at the thought of my people like they say I’m not black enough. How about all those keyboard warriors than might read my cover blurb today ha?

WORRY goes on my list of triggers right STUPID, FEAR, but nobody cares for second or third right? Nobody but me, Worrying Winds Of Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 023 ~Counting On You Will~

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Hurt oh let me count the ways but shouldn’t I count my blessings, how I hate the church, but those habits die hard, and I sort of feel like I’m dying from my side to my overabundance of sleep. “Counting On You Will”

Wednesday, July 24, 2019

Log 023 ~Counting On You Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM A Millionaire right now so you would think I could buy a heart. Hell like The Legend of Zelda the truth is I’m living on some. Didn’t Stevie Wonder talk about living enough, yes I know the lyrics. Only I don’t need my “writing resource” penalizing me again. Speaking of which that is what I’m counting up, crimes, slings, and arrows, other pains. For example, I have to report to Brainbuddy again, like rehab, you know. I woke up after a long nap and of course what happens well happened.

So should I blame “Sweet Slurpee Hayden Bell” from Reality Kings? Perhaps one Pinterest board that now has 151 Sections. Yes, I still plan on owning a brothel one day. I wonder how many girls Dennis Hof had on his roster at any one time? Of course, the Milf isn’t helping. Besides those numbers, there’s the list of aliments I’m suffering through today. How many ribs are broken, not for real? I go for days not thinking about my perfect ears but then again? Mornings are getting weird besides being so tired, but of course, I don’t have a schedule. Case and point we’re talking, and I should be reading. I need to drink more water, There’s never enough hours in the day, and my email is going to explode. What about getting my book published again, for Kindle only?

I think the title is an adequate sentiment, “Gulp.” As far as other book titles, the one I finished, “Fangs For Coming” or how about “Faces Only Fangs Could Love?” The blurb still requires more writing than I’m willing to do right now. Anyway, this week haven’t I mention gratitude, being grateful, hell the ideas keep coming. I have more food than I know what to do with Inspector Echo. If anything, I need to eat more or change my diet. The fact that I can is quite a blessing. How about the fact that I can wear jeans at work all the time now? B III has plenty of time I keep saying to myself because I refuse to think otherwise. I protect him from the negative plus he doesn’t understand the news. I’ll say it, I love my country but hate the President. Now my day job and the people, that’s a question.

I’m sorry I hate Math Echo, Counting On You Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 016 ~Will Find FINE Princesses~

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It’s amazing what you can do when you don’t want to sleep; last night it was staring into the void until 1:00 AM, tonight it was 5,000 words, so I’m less than 10,000 away from the finish line but on being a good man. Will Find FINE Princesses

Wednesday, July 17, 2019

Log 016 ~Will Find FINE Princesses~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM A Millionaire right now, and inappropriate dammit. In full transparency, I don’t even know if they meant me, but I will take “The L” at his word. I wasn’t even thinking with “the D” last night, but more like Disney and Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. So what was my grand sin before bed? Once upon a time, I saw a beautiful woman from “It’s A Southern Thing” dressed as Snow White. I penned a small poem or whatever using the seven dwarfs names:

“I’m HAPPY seeing you, GRUMPY you’re taken, SLEEPY dreaming of you, DOPEY I know, a bit BASHFUL letting it all out, but SNEEZY never I like the outdoors, but I do need a DOC for my lovestruck heart ❤️”

Now “The L” liked this comment. So minutes later, I read, “Some people should keep their inappropriate thoughts to themselves 😮.” Now am I mistaken; perhaps, I know I didn’t get to sleep until 1:00 AM. Scared I’d get blocked, terrified I’m wrong for some reason. I didn’t eat dinner; I stopped playing TWD. Inspector Echo I will punish myself when I feel I’ve done wrong and again I doubt myself. Do you remember I spent one night deleting everything from one page because of one person? I don’t check Whisper replies anymore. I spend maybe an hour deleting fake friend requests and blocking chats. If you joke you learn to deal with the heckle right? I wasn’t trying to get the girl I thought I was saying something cute. Unlike Trump, I own up to my sins for your consideration.

  1. I Paid A Girl Hundreds To Get Naked. She didn’t like the things she had to say.
  2. I Compared A Girl And Her Friend To Brazzers and Reality Kings Porn Stars
  3. I Sent A Mom A Butterfree Pokémon And Quoted Butterfly By Crazy Town
  4. I Hit My Sister’s Ankle When I Was Only A Child
  5. I Gave A Mom $5.00 At Walmart When She Asked. Thought about “Street Blowjobs”
  6. I Admire Jimmy Stephens For True Teen Babes. I watch Teen Starlet and Honey Cream

I could continue Inspector Echo. I get blocked, ridiculed, sick, all kinds of horny. Do you know I had my ass beat by a man that beats his wife? Why don’t I give up writing anything; Will Find FINE Princesses.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 009 ~Following Weirdos, Women, Willies~

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For today I’m running from my writing though I have two thousand words down and I’m still a few days ahead of Camp NaNoWriMo, but I’ve wasted so much of my life, and B III should have better. Following Weirdos, Women, Willies

Wednesday, July 10, 2019

Log 009 ~Following Weirdos, Women, Willies~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM A Millionaire right now, and anybody that earns it doesn’t do it by being a follower. Well maybe that’s not true, Dennis Hof studied Dale Carnegie. Hugh Hefner knew the times; Jimmy Stephens knew how not to stay in jail.

They say the meaning of madness is doing the same thing over and over. How am I expecting different results always Inspector Echo? I also heard that Hell is repetition. So two years and one-week blogging, where am I? I’ve lost track of how many novels I’ve written for NaNoWriMo. I go to the Day Job, no promotions, no “pay raise,” hell I might as well not have a penis. Speaking of which I’m still dealing with “A&W” at the Day Job. Last time it was Colin Kaepernick and the Confederate Flag. What about telling my boss to quit touching me; I was about to say something sexist about women. I’m getting a taste of what it feels like to be B III, led around on a leash, or following along. All I can think about is running fast, but how do you outrun life.

I should ask all those women that run away from me always. Basic Bitch, Okay, The Rainbow Girl, MILF Dos let’s go back further. The Harmonic War, Momma K, The Sweetest, D Is For Destiny. I’m still going to work on my Pinterest boards, more sections, and a new girl has her board. As the song goes, “running is the story of my life,” and if I’m not chasing some girl, I’m ducking the law. There have been accusations of being Skeevy, Stalkerish. Oh my “favorite word” in the English language, stupid. I smiled today and caught myself in the mirror. Positive vibes I know but I stopped grinning. My motivations say you don’t chase dollars; you follow your purpose. Sort of like Inception, you know, getting women to take off their clothes without paying. Let’s say like making more than I’m spending. Time is not cheap by any means.

Neither is Brainbuddy, paying for something I don’t even use. Did I tell you my Life Tree went all the way to being a stick because of my porn viewing? Hell if my Willy pointed anywhere profitable screw a million. Ten Million, how about a billion dollars Inspector Echo. So forgive me for following the likes of Oldje, Marz, Talin Shields, hell all of humanity. I’m Following Weirdos, Women, Willies.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HuWvY81wasE

I Will Have No Fear

Log 002 ~Other Than Writing Will~

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Always more worries and chief amongst them this month will be writing, Camp NaNoWriMo having started up again and I’m already five thousand words in but what about everything else. Other Than Writing Will.

Wednesday, July 3, 2019

Log 002 ~Other Than Writing Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I Am A Millionaire right now and also The Tenth Man. If that sounds familiar, it’s Rule 262 Remember, Be The 10th Man. Now all my motivations are contrary to this rule. From fear, worry, regret, etc. The Tenth Man is preparation for some failure, worst-case scenario. Some are waiting for that other shoe to drop, but I put one foot in front of the other. That’s why I’m so disappointed in myself today. It’s only day two of this new series, and I’m fucking up (LANGUAGE).

Yes as always I’m worried about my new nameless novel. Don’t get me wrong, another 1,700 words down, so I’m keeping up with Camp NaNoWriMo. You check the time though, and where did it go; porn I can no longer deny. Now I did strike up a conversation with the pretty girl at work. Seems right that when I last left my novel, they were about to cut a man’s dick off. The Pillar and the stones as they would say in Game Of Thrones, of course, I haven’t had time for anything. My point is I’m “trying” not to worry about my novel, and so I create more things that cause more upset. What about my email, I still remember the days of AOL and being excited? Nowadays I have sixty and think no big deal as long as I’m not getting myself hacked.

B III continues to thrive though Dad is always working in one way or another. Even in my dreams, I thought something happened to Cherry, and when I woke up, she’s okay. Still didn’t stop me from checking Twitter and didn’t I say I know way too many people? At least tomorrow I’ll have one thing less to do, and that’s pretty sad considering. Tomorrow is going to be a huge chunk of writing and even now well here we go. What about wrestling which I fell asleep on two nights in a row. Everything is taking a backseat to Camp NaNoWriMo. Can I even tell you what my story is about, I’m sure I have it written down somewhere? Same shit (LANGUAGE) different year with the blog. My problem is I’m not focusing on being #1 and before I forget, July 4th, BBQ maybe?

My Olds or my cooking ability ha? I’m sorry I fail once to “succeed” somewhere well Other Than Writing Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 360 ~Why Worry? Write Will~

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Last week I asked what I was I thinking, but at this point, that word should be synonymous what am I “worrying” about, movie tickets, Pinterest boards, my arsenal and more. Why Worry? Write Will.

Wednesday, June 26, 2019

Episode 360 ~Why Worry? Write Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I Am A Millionaire right now, so I haven’t bothered worrying about Nevada in a while. No negative vibes there but I have plenty to go around. I’m worried I might have wasted my life being day 360 and all. Without a doubt, I know I’m a writer because I made these stories up in a day.

I thought I lost my pocket knife today. Now I won’t tell you where but it would be serious trouble. There I was feeling around in my pocket and no blade. Could it be in a chair, the parking lot, my car, the house? Would I be on camera; my fingerprints are all over it, Inspector Echo. It turns out; it was under a paper towel here at the house. Now, why would I go all crazy over a pocket knife? Is it because I’m me or what everybody thinks about me by now? Head, shoulders, knees, and toes, becomes phone, wallet, keys, and knife? Life comes down to the smallest things, last week that was B III. I still hate the vet for thinking I would harm my son. Hell, whenever I leave the house, I pray for Triple B’s safety, but there is so much more to see.

109 Sections and counting; that’s around 327 Words? I’ve seen trouble for more and less Inspector Echo. I’m at the Day Job thinking that at any second the cops are going to burst in and congratulations will be in order. Now isn’t that another way to look at being booked? I’ve said some sexist, stupid, downright SKEEVY things about women. I’m not President Trump though or any other Republican. Only as the song goes “if you got the inclination, I have got the crime.” More often than not, the end of the world has come with a button press. At least I have seen that every so often but I’m still here. Worry, Regret, Fear, I gotta enemies, gotta lot of enemies to keep up the quotes. The truth is though I will always be the worse for sure Echo.

What about my fucked up free tickets (LANGUAGE)? Yes, it’s my fault, and now I have to deal with Office Depot sending my order to the wrong store. I apologize for my lack of positive energy. Killing myself slowly with worries while I ask once more, Why Worry? Write Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 108 ~Meet The Complacent Will~

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I’m okay, no more and no less, I survive one more day, and I think… yeah right, on to the next one and soon it doesn’t hurt so much, dare I say there is a little less fear after a while? Meet The Complacent Will

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

Episode 108 ~Meet The Complacent Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
How To Make One Million Dollars, don’t go to therapy; you think my job pays me enough for health insurance? Stay awake maybe, well look at me today, and eat healthy, again look at where I work. The thing is I still work there, so does Dumb and Dumber and as far as Dumbest, I could be way off the mark, but I haven’t seen him since last week, could I possibly be so lucky… highly doubtful, PCH hasn’t shown up with my big check as such.

That’s my first sin, but even you ask though you are way smarter than Rudy Giuliani. Can hope be a sin, I said yesterday I pray for my dog though I don’t believe in any deity. Every day I plan for the best, and I woke up in my drool, and I wanted to see a black man fall. My second sin is that this makes me as normal as anybody else, I remember when America learned Osama Bin Laden got put down and there was such celebration. Sure he was a killer but are we not better? I know a young woman who took a bullet and another woman who is a dear friend who got robbed, and neither has seen their assailants brought to justice, this world can be better. This leads me to my third sin, it’s people that make this world what it is, and another coworker asked me about my job and if I go through so much crap, hell like my boss, why don’t I leave, and that’s the magic word for today Inspector Echo, COMPLACENCY, I am complacent.

My fourth sin is that I’m willing to accept it, all last week and now this week it’s been; please let me keep my job, no fear Inspector, as I have said the fight does not bother me it’s what I’ll have to do. That’s five, the fact that I have returned to my normal state which is no damn good, wake up, go to work, come back and pass out, then talk to you or any of the girls about making a million dollars all so I can speak with actual girls. Even in that, I have become quite complacent maybe I’m that damn greedy, or perhaps I’m a pervert but if I counted that as a sin every single week I’m screwed right…

So what’s my plan for tomorrow, I could be wrong of course about the situation, and that means, the sixth sin for today. I am going to worry tonight, and the man I want to be should focus on making the world, well my world a better place; I want to be like Dennis Hof may he rest in peace. Will you forgive me Inspector Echo for wishing to see another person fall (nevermind). I apologize for being, well human. For accepting this life in its ways, for not “trying” harder, and for another night of worry. Hell for those five minutes I remembered someone else that threatened to ruin me, but I Ain’t Happy but Meet The Complacent Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 034 ~Getting Behind The Will~

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Last week it was getting out of bed, and this week it was getting behind the wheel, and there is no time for baby steps, I’ve run like a madman for most of my life, and I would take an “ACME” rocket despite the consequences. “Getting Behind The Will”

Saturday, August 4, 2018

Episode 034 ~Getting Behind The Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
Give Me One Reason to not turn around other than my past, because to quote another song; my future is coming on, and as fast as I might run I am in no hurry to go and catch it. You know how all these motivational studies of mine talk about purpose and why, like learning how to drive I just wanted to go faster, I need to escape, if anything I want to know a place where I will never be afraid.

The thing is Lady Luna there is no such place and not to sound like Trump or anything but as long as there’s air, no wonder the man wants to destroy the planet, my aunt said I wanted the same thing, but I saw no profit in it. There are days when I think that people can be okay and days when I believe a psychopath, a plague or purge is what the doctor ordered like yesterday, Master Yoda is right. Between being in line at Starbucks, driving, and Walmart, the one thing that was constant was the fear and rage threatening to swallow me.

“Behind every fear is a person you want to be. Fear is self-imposed, meaning it doesn’t exist. You create it. You can destroy it too. You face your fears and become the person you want to be. You run from your fears; you’re not living.” Greg Plitt 1977 – 2015

What a monster I must be not to want to go forward and face myself and what a coward I am for not wanting to turn around, but this isn’t a conversation for us, “I just want to know why” as the song goes. I could go on forever and a day about fear and my rage, again driving my car or getting to the library late, anxiety and Z Nation, what was that I said about a plague? All I know was yesterday I was in my car, listening to my affirmations and somebody started honking at me and first came fear, then “GTA Motherf*****” in less than a minute and change.

I’m not selfish enough, you heard me right, my life is spent learning about everything in this world so I might survive it and I don’t know anything about the survivor, the Man In The Mirror, the man behind the wheel, or before the keyboard. There are so many mirrors in a car, and I only need to avoid one, the vanity, the rest are showing me what to evade, I drive to the library to see who I might be, the day-job to know who I hate, just saying.

You know what they have in common, they keep me from being stuck but aren’t I always, what hurts more the mirror, the reflection in my dog’s eyes knowing he feels such love (wishful thinking) I hear that man say come and Find Me. That man might Hurt Somebody, yes I know “The Darkest Minds” which was perhaps the highlight of my week, maybe one day taking a Drive won’t be an escape until then Lu, Getting Behind The Will.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ldyx3KHOFXw

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 027 ~Tell Me Your Will~

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Heads up, it’s danger ahead, or I’m fighting back my anxiety, and before all of that I need to get out of bed, and people always said that I had a big head, because I’m so full of ideas and I have to breathe right? Tell Me Your Will

Saturday, July 28, 2018

Episode 027 ~Tell Me Your Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
Give Me One Reason to stay here, and I’ll find sixty or more reasons to get up, honestly, where has Spotify been All My Life… well at least something is getting up in the morning more often than not. I don’t remember the last time the rest of me got up and wasn’t tired, tipsy, or terrified but I had a bit of a revelation thanks to a motivational speech by Will Smith, and he said something to the tune of, the higher up you are, the harder it is to breathe.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5EPLOj7N1A4

Now for me it starts with getting out of bed, lifting my head up is hard enough, one foot in front of the other, and God help me when I have to go outside, that first breath feels like it just won’t come and more often than not I don’t want it honestly. While I’m thinking about God that’s just the thing, people downright demand those that are poor help those at the top, and at the top, if you must give, then it is God’s will but the higher you are, the fewer people above you. What about when it comes to women, confidence right, that starts with lifting your head up, keeping your chin and honestly Lady Lu it hurts, it physically hurts because I haven’t done it in such a long time.

“I’m sick of taking care of everything, paying bills, making peace and plans and keeping my chin up. God, I am so sick of my chin being up.” Angel 04×02

So yesterday I was sick of listening to people, saying I should stand shoulder to shoulder my head held high. Authors are telling me I should keep my head in their books, having to turn side to side, out of this constant fear. No more looking up to people; okay I know I look up to Will Smith, and I won’t be giving up the motivational speeches anytime soon but no more looking down on people either or letting fear take hold of me. If I am to die it will be because I’m at the top of the mountain almost out of breath than staying down here getting dizzy for want of my survival.

That sounded a bit more hopeful than I was thinking today and wasn’t it yesterday I was talking about people are always chatting no matter what but if you climb the mountain the ones I hate won’t be heard and the others, well who knows but it would be nice to see. It all starts with me and the man in the mirror that I need to face, I need to tell him what I want because nobody else is going to give it to me. “Indiana Gone” looked up and now she’s getting married so congratulations to her, but as for me and “Mr. I Don’t Feel Like It,” *sigh* Tell Me Your Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 020 ~To Defeat The Huns~

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People face many things throughout their day, but the worst one for me is people, and today I’ll have to do just that or not since I’ll have to check bathrooms and fitting rooms and it’s my business to make money. “To Defeat The Huns.”

Saturday, July 21, 2018

Episode 020 ~To Defeat The Huns~

Hey Lady Lu,

Give Me One Reason to face the Huns, and no mine name’s not Mulan, though I could certainly use her courage, training, and luck; how I ask Luck Be A Lady tonight or at least for six hours. I can’t say I’ve been one for gambling, horse racing maybe but I trust those animals more than a majority of HUMANITY, and I can give you one big reason for that Lady Lu.

… but the truth is that I dislike most men as much as I dislike women. If anything, I am an equal opportunity misanthropist.”
― Andrew Davidson, The Gargoyle (2008)

HUMILIATION Lady Lu is arguably my greatest fear, the foundation of my anxiety and you can’t call it irrational if it comes to pass as it did the last time I was assigned to “CLEAN” and I know it sounds STUPID. No it all comes down to looking so stupid, and you know how such a concept sets me off, believing, being, and saying; may God show mercy on the soul that calls me such or makes me feel it. Too bad I don’t believe in God right because I’m my own worst enemy *sigh* people have an imaginary friend they worry about but I can’t stand thinking or knowing how everyone looks at me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vt1Pwfnh5pc

HUNGER is one big motivation to face the humiliation, my dog has to eat, and if I split my paycheck by three (bills, blog, belly) last week, I made a whole five bucks and then the fact that I’m in the library nearly every day writing “trying to make something of myself. HULKING out because I lack discipline, or I’m so afraid as Yoda says, and when’s the last time I let my anger get the best of me, strange that I was ready to go off on somebody and now they’re nowhere around me. HURTING myself on the daily in one form because of everything but at least I’ve stopped popping myself with a rubber band as I was doing it so much I would more than likely decapitate my hand from my wrist.

HUMOR has not been a strong suit of mine, though being laughed at brings a HURRAH from everybody else; yes I know this is about me and I can’t help the fact that even now I want to call into work and HUSH for the rest of the day. Anything Lady Lu beats the idea of humiliation, and I’m in for a world of that and what will I do, so let’s get down to business To Defeat The Huns.

I Will Have No Fear