Lesson 297 ~I’m A Wanted Man~

Do I love too much for having no one to “love,” well anyone with two legs that is; of course I love my dog like pancakes because he wanted my waffles but that’s a long story. I’m A Wanted Man but for all the wrong reasons that I know sadly.

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

Lesson 297 ~I’m A Wanted Man~

Dear Future Wife,
I Am Not Fine Today or more like I didn’t receive a fine today, thankfully I don’t need bail, and yet here I stand wanted, needed, and loved, the only “Wanted” poster I see is the man staring back at me in the mirror. A man captured by his love and I’m guilty as charged, never let me go, throw away the key, though you won’t hear me calling you the ball and chain, as the song goes “What’s My Age Again?”

I’m not one to compare you to a summer’s day either though I’m sure you’ve heard enough of my romantic quips and my smartphone is a constant source of inspiration such as “I Want You To Want Me.” I want to know a want like putting the phone on shuffle and waiting for that all too perfect song to pop up on Spotify, and you can’t help but dance and sing. You know maybe how I am on a Sunday when I’m watching The Walking Dead/Fear The Walking Dead, “Into The Badlands,” and “Westworld” all rolled into one. An addiction like looking up something on YouTube and getting trapped in a stream of dog videos and reactions to shows, talk about “Let’s Get Lost” and we will be but speaking of wants for some reason I want regular TV too, does that make me weird.

Just like I want to be the last thing on your mind when you go to bed, I want to be like a story you tell yourself to help you sleep, as I would once replay Far Cry 5 or Saints Row in my head I want to be your “Escape.” Hell, I want you to be my Anastasia Steele… what too soon, I mean my Anastasia meets Abraham Ford, let’s make some pancakes one day. I want those pancakes to wake me up in the morning and what is it I always say, I love my dog like pancakes, my first born and all.

“When you were, uh, pouring the Bisquick, were you trying to make pancakes?” Abraham Ford

I promise no jokes about women wanting everything and don’t they say “All You Need Is Love” thing is that isn’t a choice, and while I want that too, every day I want to choose us. If this heart has its say I will because I want you, need you, believe, have hope, and many things in-between like the air.

Do I want too much, if wanting such love is a crime then guess what love? I’m A Wanted Man.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 290 ~My Title Changed Hands~

What’s in a name Juliet once asked, well first you have to decide on one and terms of endearment run quite rampant and ooh baby, baby, while a classic can get a little old though I tend to put a spin on it. My Title Changed Hands.

Tuesday, April 17, 2018

Lesson 290 ~My Title Changed Hands~

Dear Future Wife,
I Am Not Fine Today, what’s wrong… how long have we been together and I still feel like a new man, like James Bond with my Bond girl, the Pumpkin with his Honey Bunny, and at least half a dozen YA Novels that we could be. Nobody that comes into this world chooses their name, which is why all our friends are probably going to be the same as us, naming their kids after their fandoms maybe.

Then there’s you, my wife, my Mrs., my best friend and to think there was a time I was too afraid to ask your name, I’m no good with names, really I didn’t know my grandmother’s name was Marie forever. It still freaks me out some to hear the cries of “Daddy, Daddy” all over the house and I doubt the dog thinks of me as “Dearest Human, Dad” well of course he does, my first kid and all. Now here I am again a new man and when I wake up in the morning, what is it, “Good Morning” sweetheart, honey, love, babe, if it comes from your lips I know I can be whoever I need to be.

Call me a traditionalist or just one for the classics, seeing how my last name fits next to yours or hell we could make a name all our own because I’m sure my family’s first words will be who’s that girl, shortened to that girl, or girl. To me, you’ll be “Baby Girl,” babydoll, angel, my queen, for a guy that has owned several thesauruses, beautiful is going to be my go-to for quite awhile. You think I’m one for music, oh there are so many movies if I happen to say “Ditto” or “I Know” after you tell me you love me and you get the reference… well, love grows all the more right?

Will there ever be a time I don’t love your name, depends on who I’m mad at maybe but what’s in a name, I’m just Will, and you’ll be who you are and have always been to me, and that’s the woman I love. I think one day I’ll even learn to love my name as much as I love yours, “This is my wife…” and I’ll be that guy with the gorgeous wife no one can ever forget ever.

My parents and the world have had their fun; I want to be someone else, I want to be yours, so My Title Changed Hands.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 283 ~Ok, I’m Up Now~

Which is more exhausting, writing a love story or trying to live one and doing both, I’m going to start having to write a bunch of reasons just to get out of bed, to be honest. “Ok, I’m Up Now” the question is what to do

Tuesday, April 10, 2018

Lesson 283 ~Ok, I’m Up Now~

Dear Future Wife,
I Am Not Fine Today, not that it matters to my dog and any fur babies you bring along and a man needs all the love he can get these days, the best part of waking up I believe. You know I’m not a big coffee drinker, so I will take eight hours when I can get them; though being a husband and a father might mean having to make do with much less, again just how the world works right now.

The best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach rings right, and I do like bacon, just ask my parents, then again don’t that’s just something that tires me out but the food is good, bacon, pancakes, hash browns. Since my eyes will already lie shut, maybe a kiss or two would perk me up, a reason to look up as I’m usually asleep on my belly if I know I don’t have anything to do in the morning but just my luck… As the song goes love lift us up where we belong, have you been playing with my playlist; nothing gets me in the workday spirit as much as Easy Street.

What about when the work day’s through, maybe that’s why I spend so much time writing now so my other books will be few and far between; with all due respect to Skye Warren, I just can’t produce novels that fast. You might have to wake me up to write though, and that will be far easier when I get to quit the day job at some point, talk about motivation to get up. Love, you are plenty but how am I supposed to get anything done, if I was a sculptor, well then again I’ll find some other way to love you, my angel.

Though there is something to be kept about the classics; the two-legged children or six if we count all three of them, speaking of things to produce fast, because if I can tell when my dog is crying at two in the morning… If I know I can see your smile; that I can feel how you “Love Me Like You Do,” and everything that might require more than words. Who would need an alarm clock to wake-up any day?

As for this moment, I only want to cuddle with you and watch wrestling though it gets a bit boring at; Ok, I’m Up Now.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 276 ~Put Your Feet Up~

I should probably be searching the world while I’m by myself to find my future but aren’t I too busy building Heaven… maybe the dog likes to eat, but I will “try” to find dog-friendly hotels while I’m planning a vacation. “Put Your Feet Up”

Tuesday, April 3, 2018

Lesson 276 ~Put Your Feet Up~

Dear Future Wife,
I Am Not Fine Today, and I can tell you aren’t either; after I catch the dream girl and our kids. It seems we are always playing catch-up and with that, the truth is, we could use a vacation. I’d preferably not do a whole lot of walking, sandals, and flip-flops aren’t my thing but only long enough to stick our toes in the sand is enough.

I want to walk hand in hand with you on those trails I once took by these lakes in the old neighborhood I used to roam, I mean I would sit by those lakes and write… nothing against fishing but it would just be me and my notebook. What about something usual like Disney World. A whole lot of walking, standing, and more chasing, shall I become a prince against and seek out my princess, or maybe I’ll smile as my daughter rejects the Jedi and joins the Sith, we could even travel the world in a day, World Showcase.

We could travel the world honestly; it’s funny that I was thinking about not taking one step out… still a possibility but there is so much to see, so much to do, a whole new world. My parents were traditionalists, so I only know Disney in Florida and Universal Studios really and speaking of which, things to do without the kids… The Purge Horror Nights would be right up my alley. To me, that would be somewhat equal to taking you through Michael Jackson’s Thriller, or we could do Saw; maybe a real zombie horror show; looking for a reason.

Why not pull out all the stops how about Japan or China, there are so many places I want to visit, Pairs is the city of Love and Amsterdam… what I don’t drink a lot and cigarettes kill, but it’s been a long time since I’ve been high. Yes, you’re my angel, my princess in a tower but the whole idea is not to work for it. Only, for now, I suppose that is what we’re doing; America, America as the song goes, but we will take pictures with our phones and cut off my incredible Purge playlist just saying.

Yeah, we’ll put our feet up on the couch and play some Fortnite Battle Royale or PUGB and order a pizza because, Every Day Will Be Like A Holiday when my baby comes home because you been running through my mind all day so go ahead, Put Your Feet Up.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 269 ~What’s In The Male~

Love is supposedly in everything, for everyone, or so people would have you believe and what I think is that such a word should have power, that they should feel you up, singing all you need is love. “What’s In The Male”

Tuesday, March 27, 2018

Lesson 269 ~What’s In The Male~

Dear Future Wife:
I Am Not Fine Today, how can I be, when we first met I didn’t have the guts to talk to you and yet somehow here we are, and somehow I still don’t believe it. The echoes are going on in my mind; wait a second “where is my mind” I suppose like most it rests in my smartphone along with all of my music; now my empty hands but we’ll come back to that won’t we?

My will became your wish, and “your wish is my command,” and so did my ringtone apparently, though I felt I was losing nothing, how could I, why must I ask again and again what I had to offer you. Now I am not a man of faith, but as I learned from my childhood, Jesus gave his life, Adam his rib, and God his time, what all does any man have but his future? Now, this heart truly belongs to you, my future is in the other room, and when I felt hollow and empty, as I wonder what even makes me myself anymore…

Women give life, my mother created a son, she tried to make me a gentleman but as she would tell me, I would find my way and I became a man out of love for her. Call me greedy, call me selfish, but I am a man out of love for you my dear wife, I say I became a man out of love for them, and still I wanted more. How this goes far beyond just being a male or being human, son, man, lover, husband, father, friend, brother. Okay, I’m working on the brother part, ask the sister I text, and the two half-brothers I don’t talk to ever, that’s a lot, right?

What lies inside me is love, I gave my heart, and you gave me yours, along with 3.5 others, yes the dog is always included. There are days without the echoes because your words fill my head with such comfort.

There are far more incredible things than my phone when I take your hand in mine, and I find there is always so much more to give, that I go from empty to overflow, but I don’t have to contain it, not with you my love, do I? To this day I wonder will it ever be enough, but women ask, What’s In The Male?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 262 ~WILL Rest In Pieces~

Being swept off your feet, or as the song goes “Love lift us up where we belong,” is there any wonder we aren’t all broken with all this falling and such, hearts are a lot stronger than I think but they could still lie broken. WILL Rest In Pieces yep

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Lesson 262 ~WILL Rest In Pieces~

Dear Future Wife,
I Am Not Fine Today; sometimes I think that living for the love of you, my heart has grown so much that surely it can’t all be there and I don’t think it’s supposed to be actually.

You’re my wife, my lover, my best friend; well, the dog might have something to say about the third; anyway what you are not is the maid, though there will be days when everything has its place and others when it looks like a crime scene. Neither are you a therapist, well who knows but I will try to keep it together, the house is one thing, but as for myself, all I need is time and you, I still believe. As Chris Rock said once “Every woman on the planet’s a spy.” You will never have to piece together my love for you; you’ll know that every single day, you’ll find it my babydoll.

I see that in those pieces of me, of you, of us in the next room, maybe I do wrong my heart too much, fragments growing into full hearts all on their own and I need not worry but of course I always will because that’s my job. Love can be one great puzzle so how are any of us even to begin putting it all together, how many pieces are there in total, what have I lost along the way, yet keep it together?

A single kiss from your lips and my words are not so broken, and when I find them again I love you doesn’t seem so complicated, and it doesn’t seem big enough either but there is such peace discovered there. Even more so when I have my arms around you, how can anyone be so fragile and still be stronger than anyone I know, I want to keep you but I cannot contain you, and it feels like I might break at any moment and when I have, when I do and when I will… All Of Me as John Legend sings, and here I am trying to sweep you off your feet again, but in case I haven’t made this clear, I’m your Humpty Dumpty, and you’re my Wonderwall.

You deserve so much more my love than to stay beside a broken man but you do, and while I might never know why; one piece of me will wonder, another will try harder but someday, somehow beside you, here and now, forever, and always I WILL Rest In Pieces

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 255 ~A Love Of Learning~

Wise men say, only fools rush in, so why aren’t I rushing at my age and it doesn’t look like I’m going to inherit millions, upon millions of dollars anytime soon, not that I have ever wanted the bimbo type. A Love Of Learning

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Lesson 255 ~A Love Of Learning~

“I’m not a smart man… but I know what love is.” Forrest Gump

Dear Future Wife,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, I think love makes fools of us all, and at the end of the day I suppose I would rather be a fool than a coward, and I know, trust me I know I do that all the time. You know what makes me a genius, what makes me a man, a smart one at that, is somehow or another we’re together.

“Oh, I didn’t dare look at you, you were so beautiful. It was scary. Afterwards, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. It made me smile. And then I thought of all the men who would get to hold you, who would make you laugh… how lucky they were. And now I’m the one lying next to you.” ― Vassili Zaitsev, Enemy at The Gates (2001)

I think you know by now that smart girls are my type or would you prefer I call you pretty for the billionth time, it’s not every girl that gets a man to pick up a dictionary, a thesaurus, the works of Rumi. Yeah, I’m no builder, my angel, as Elton John put it “If I was a sculptor, but then again, no.” I couldn’t build you a Heaven, even if I wanted to, but I swept you off your feet so that I could raise you high enough that I felt I could never reach you. Is this my way of saying you’re complicated, Math is that and more, understanding me, babydoll you must be something else, but you, I give you my life, it started for a minute, and here we are still.

“Who says I’m trying to look prettier? Maybe I want to look smart or kind or funny.” ― A Kingdom Divided Against Itself, Containment (2016)

Can I call myself a nerd, a geek, you probably think I’m a dork when I say I want a Ron and Hermione type of love, “Glenn and Maggie,” Peeta and Katniss, Ron wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, we saw Glenn’s brains… and Peeta went crazy. I’m probably not going to be the one to help our children with homework, and I pray that they get your mind for things, hell they might save the world one day. Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire I’ve heard, so maybe I am wrong when I suggested that love makes fools of us and as you are trying to get me to admit I might be smarter than I realize, as smart as you…

I wasn’t brave enough, strong enough, inspired enough to make it through college but to have the girl of my dreams, I found a way. Where there’s a WILL, there’s a way, and I won’t ever say it’s wrong to want to know you, to want to know me, to know us. I want to know what love is, I want you to show me, yes I learned how to work all this new technology but you and me, my love that is A Love Of Learning.
I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 248 ~Four Feet of Furry~

I asked a friend once did they think my dog referred to me as Dad or even dearest human, she was the first person he liked that wasn’t in my immediate family the people that raised me. “Four Feet of Furry,” how I tried my best with my fur baby.

Tuesday, March 6, 2018

Lesson 248 ~Four Feet of Furry~

Dear Future Wife,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore; I suppose I can’t afford to be, though our children always tend to age us and how about the time it took me to find you, my love. We even gave time, “A Second Hand,” I’m not sure if that’s a dad joke or our kids will get it yet, but I like to think that this one does, that head tilt.

Yeah, I was a single father before I met you, adopting this bundle of joy… I wouldn’t go that far, but this is my kid, my son, my fur baby and Cupid himself. I’ve always said that the first girl he could stand would be the woman for me… I guess I let him down in that regard but then there was you, and what can I say, you never gave up on him on either of us just saying. If he shows to any degree what kind of father I am, the man that I am going to have to be, there’s no one else I would rather have by my side; I mean you and him both honestly.

If I can chase those four little paws around for thirteen years, and then some then a baby should be a piece of cake right… no more mammoth naps but I can hear my little one cry over anything and if there is anything I’ve learned in this world humans can be a lot more vocal. I hope so; it scares me to think how much he’s like me and to have another son that takes after me, or a daughter with your beauty and my charming personality… I think between the three of us; the kids will be alright; three and a half hopefully.

“If I had just one wish
Only one demand
I hope he’s not like me
I hope he understands
That he can take this life
And hold it by the hand
And he can greet the world
With arms wide open” With Arms Wide Open

I’m always quoting a song but how about the idea I wish I found you sooner so I could love you longer, my best friend saw me in my early twenties, and we haven’t been apart longer than three months. I promised him he would be part of a real family and while his position on the bed might come into question he has plenty to choose from thanks to us, the things four feet can do, don’t you think?

Does he think I’m a good dad, do you think I’m a good husband, god I want to be, I want to be the person my dog thinks I am, maybe he knows I’m ready, love comes in all shapes and sizes and with his, all Four Feet Of Furry.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 241 ~The World Sees Me~

If I could only see the way you love me, everything might be solved right; you want to switch eyes… okay so not a horror movie but a love story, or maybe beer goggles, or am I just a piece of meat, I could live with that. The World Sees Me.

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

Lesson 241 ~The World Sees Me~

Dear Future Wife,
I’m Not Afraid Anymore, or I suppose I won’t be sooner or later, there won’t be any more to see and if there is I won’t spend a few hours trying to change it… message. It’s a man’s world I know it, and you worry about how the world will see you and so do I, the only difference is, to me, you are the world, knights and their shining armor, right?

Not after we slay the dragons, suffer the slings and arrows, and I spend so much time polishing and hell the first time you saw me I was probably in my hoody so why bother dressing to the nines then or now? Unquestionably because my mom wouldn’t have it any other way; my mother, my sister, women in general and no it can’t be our sleeping angel in her room, a man has to be better for himself. My love if I told you about the battles I have with the man in the mirror, and then you look at me; if you only knew how long I’ve been looking for you and when I finally found you, before then?

“You make me want to be a better man.” ― As Good as It Gets

Love can’t tell time; I heard that in a movie too, and before I met you, as I imagined the woman that you surely aren’t I had an epiphany, what if you could see me now? I even made a playlist full of songs about eyes, watching, the look of love, brown eyed girl, your eyes, and that’s just it, I know what I must look like now but back then I was worried about my face. Maybe I was hiding, and there are some things I can’t hide even if I wanted to, so that’s when I began thinking perhaps I should pretend that every day would be the day I would find you.

Let’s just say you kept me from doing more stupid stuff before we ever met and now well as the song goes, what makes a monster and what makes a man, and I cam only imagine who I am and what I am in your eyes. Bedroom eyes, those hungry eyes, those ocean eyes, I should know what makes you cry, other than certain movies and those Sarah Mclachlan commercials

So I will continue to wonder, I’m sorry, I can’t help it hopefully the future on the horizon is much grander than the past that t lies behind us, the black and white on some blog The World Sees Me.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 234 ~Just Look At Me~

Michael Jackson once said keep it in the closet and other than all those pretty colors and outfits, how about my wife, who is complaining she has nothing to wear and personally I have nowhere I want to go, so can’t we stay home? Just Look At Me, I am

Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Lesson 234 ~Just Look At Me~

Dear Future Wife,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore only aren’t we always honest, has there ever been a straight answer to “does this make me look fat” or “does this make my butt look big” and how many years has it been since “Just The Way You Are”? I’m not Aladdin, but I will ask if you trust me, I’m not the Genie, but somehow I catch my breath, my heart starts beating, you knock me off of my feet and somehow love lifts us up where we belong; am I annoying you waiting here?

I’m sure I do with my million and one questions, which is why I don’t mind yours but you have mirrors, girlfriends, a dog though I’m sure he loves you for more than a dress my love. To think if love were blind I would probably still find myself in some husband’s chair listening, but I think I have a good fashion sense, don’t believe me? It’s not the hoody or the pair of jeans, some sneakers but the two of us hand in hand.

You know I’ll never complain about us being in the closet as long as I’m helping you or do you prefer when I say nothing at all. Like how much you love my dog when I see everything that has to go in the laundry, should I be jealous maybe? Not when I know how much we love each other when there are paint stains, grass, and moss, dinner, how am I going to feel when the husband chair also becomes the daddy chair someday.

If our daughter has our fashion essence, I might seriously consider us joining the Amish folk; I swear where does the time go, that’s right you’re still in the closet. Would it help if I told you the “First Time Ever I Saw Your Face” … ha, my dastardly plan worked, you coming out here to get my phone right.

Honestly though, if I told you what I saw when I first saw you, what I felt, what I wanted… let’s just say that I’m glad you’re not like other girls. Maybe I’m just happy I didn’t say nothing too stupid or profound, comparing you to a summer’s day or god forbid an “autumn” night.

The only thing that looks good on me is you, cause I got issues, but you got ’em too, saying something stupid like I love you, whatever could I answer that would convince you to stay home? Why would we ever, just look at me.

I Will Have No Fear