Tag: Writer

Gospel 282 ~Try And B Professional~

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I said I didn’t want to tell a sad story. I hate my Day Job, but here I am to talk about B’s work experience. Hell, he took the one job that no other American wanted… when he loved me. 365 and 24/7, my Chihuahua would Try And B Professional

Friday, April 9, 2021

Gospel 282 ~Try And B Professional~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but Hell, my “father” only wanted me to get a job, and I can’t be mad.

Braxton would be these days. Literally, because the grass is poking his “whanger” while running the fence. I should never forget how great a teacher B III is. Did you know “whanger” is the U.K. equivalent of wanger, which is how I spelled the word originally? As for my son himself, I wish I could find all the rules he taught me. One of my favorites being “legs, breasts, and thighs are best in a bucket of chicken.” I continue to admit I hate math all these years, which is why I’m burning through wealth like there’s no tomorrow, if only. How do I learn to live without him? Last night I forgot to call him for “medicine time” damn, wrestling was on. My bad…

I’ve been thinking that Braxton had to become a mad scientist. His little body became a lab for god knows his schedule for taking his meds, the food he ate, and the water. I want to tell happy memories, but could a fucking water filter have saved him? I don’t care if he was a Trump supporter. Isn’t that weird coming from someone who originates from Mexico? I’m sure B III himself was born in the USA. He believed in our border wall, e.g., our gates. He hated nearly everyone, and he loved Black People, me, the family, Indiana Gone. Then why did he leave me all alone? My moods, I tell you, Lady Sophia, but Braxton was the best therapist, counselor, and dear friend.

People don’t believe me, but when I was sick and taking too long in the bathroom, he’d carry a blanket over to the door and cry. He would lie with me and lick my hand when I was unwell. When I was “hurt,” he would lie on that body part wishing it better, my kid. He was an expert cuddle buddy; I still miss our back-to-back formation, on guard even in sleep, good and bad. He must have figured I would drown one day, the way he called me out of the shower, so I can add lifeguard to his resume. With all the NaNoWriMo’s I’ve done, he is also a co-author. Today still unpublished.

I killed his book character. I’ll Try And B Professional.

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 281 ~A Noise With Braxton~

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I figured if there is one horror movie I’d survive, it’d be A Quiet Place. People make too much noise, and B and I didn’t like it. At least his noises always meant something, but I didn’t listen. Now I’ll never hear him again. “A Noise With Braxton.”

Thursday, April 8, 2021

Gospel 281 ~A Noise With Braxton~

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Are you listening to me? I know you would ask if you ever did before?

I’m still not talking to God. There’s not much point in even acknowledging such a thing. Yep, that’s going to piss off some religious folk. Your grandma did check-in about a week or so. Your aunt told me of another furry kid. THEY don’t get it like the song “He’s My Son.” Always and Forever. There I go crying again. At the very least, I can say it hasn’t been all “wailing and gnashing of teeth.” It’s more a soft sob these days, but not one day has passed without me crying for you. I could be grieving for me because I hope you’re happy, of course, wherever you are, Braxton. Annoyed we aren’t together anymore is the lightest way I can put that B.

Also, there’s the fact that I didn’t read to you more. One reason is that reading about “succubi?” Those aren’t good stories for you. I still say either Heaven was jealous of Cerberus, or he needed a buddy. Two is, have you seen the actual books I’ve been buying? And three, I’m not done writing. You are too much like me, wanting to work so hard but quick with an excuse. You can’t see because Daddy hasn’t cut the grass; I’m not doing that because I’m writing. I’m not doing that because you’re napping on my legs. I was on my feet all yesterday because, yes, B, A Man Provides. That’s what you did, B III, all the sighs, huffs, sobbing, you brought the noise.

No amount of ASMR will ever make up for your sneak attacks, snoring, or sinning the world with your barks. I don’t care how pretty “Amy Kay” is. I rather have your cuteness. Before you ask, your Daddy is still celibate/asexual monk; sixty-seven days. Even longer One Hundred And Four. Now that’s too much information, B, but just a thought, I saw you with all your toys, ha-ha. You know the sound of my heartbeat when we would lie on the couch. I could be out cold, and how many times have I said this? I would wake up, and you would be sitting at the foot of the bed. You heard me say goodbye. Now I want your Hi. Anything, A Noise With Braxton

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Gospel 275 ~Learning To Speak Braxton~

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I didn’t want to tell a sad story. Every day being the worse day of my life at the Day Job, I need to remind myself. Braxton saying goodbye was the day. Next would be me saying hello, but that’s another story. Learning To Speak Braxton is today’s yep

Friday, April 2, 2021

Gospel 275 ~Learning To Speak Braxton~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I don’t speak stupid and lies “Trump” or world ruler as Bezos. I speak Braxton.

Or perhaps I “spoke” Braxton? No, it’s been two months, and if I stopped calling out to him, as the song goes, The Sound of Silence. Indeed M Anime is trying her best. She wants me to learn Spanish. A great man once taught “listen to the woman,” truer words… Learning to speak Braxton was a lot easier. Pretty girls and furbabies, and then I wonder why I’m not much of a man. Well, the man who was supposed to teach me such. He said that every word that came out of my mouth was STUPID. B thought it scripture. We started talking the same way we stopped, holding him and saying it would all be okay. Was that a lie? I’m not that bad.

Now I’ve been over hello and goodbye; how many times? How about “you’re safe?” For him, it would be sitting at the foot of the bed, staring at the doorway, keeping watch. To say it back, I would lift Braxton up, butt against one arm, his two front legs supported. My son saying he was hungry was a language all its own. Usually, it would involve his “Undiscovered” appetite making a comeback. In the form of him lying in the den waiting for fries. A quick spin and him leading me to his bathroom pad. How about, can’t bark now eating. Hell, I told people a lot that at least when B III was barking, he was helping me out. People only breathe to talk.

I Love You. How most people waste those words? Love, loyalty, the idea of “If I lay here If I just lay here.” Braxton spoke of love every day, so how could I not do likewise. Now it’s piling up. Today I looked up plenty on grief and love, but how Braxton and I spoke? In our last conversation, him standing on the seat as always, refusing to lie down. “I’m fine, Daddy, let’s go home, everything’s good, I’m a good boy. As I cried over him, telling him I was sorry, I tried, I love him. The last look he gave me as I held him, one word, WHY? Only know you love him when you let him go.

Still Learning To Speak Braxton

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 274 ~Are You Kidding, Braxton~

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It’s the first of the month. All these bills aren’t a joke, and neither is Camp NaNoWriMo. And now it’s official, Braxton has been gone two months. If I make it through this one, it’s a record for Braxton and I being apart. “Are You Kidding, Braxton”

Thursday, April 1, 2021

Gospel 274 ~Are You Kidding, Braxton~

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? If you did, usually you’d come running to the gate. Are you under the bed?

I’ve checked Braxton, and to be honest, I didn’t even want to get up today. I’m in enough trouble as is, seeing how this is the first day of Camp NaNoWriMo, and I’m running behind. Will I continue my “series,” write about you, or finish GULP? I say that weekly. Know what else I say B? I love you, make good decisions, and of course, “Just Me Baby B,” whenever I come home. People think I’m joking, and if this wasn’t about you, I would say I got ISSUES. I’m still looking for you without fail and freaking out daily. Baby B, I miss those looks you would give me like I couldn’t be serious or even when I panicked, and you were at peace.

Do you remember that time you tried to convince me that you always walked on three legs? You knew I needed my glasses, so that’s when you decide to show me you ate all your food, or you had gone in your bathroom spot. How many treats did you receive? Braxton, you think about biscuits, the way I think about sex, the way leeches think about blood. Now I tricked you plenty myself to get you out of your hiding spots. When people came to the door, we were like a comedy duo. B, My Cerberus, and an “Ordinary Human.” I thought it was funny when you got into trouble… I got some “alone time.” You laughed because I treated life like it wasn’t awesome.

I guess the joke really is on me. Wanting you to live forever was a joke. Believing that someday, I would introduce you to my wife and children, and you’d grow old with us all. People laugh as I call you my son. But no one walking the Earth today, who shares my blood, could say they have the sway you held, still do. You will always be mine, My firstborn. B III I thought you were joking when a day went by, a night you cried. Hell, I thought you missed me before. I knew it was a joke when the hospital called asking for permission. You were dying.

Not funny. The Rainbow Bridge, Heaven, I hope you’re smiling, laughing. Are You Kidding, Braxton?

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Gospel 268 ~B Hold A Dream~

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Braxton wasn’t looking for the Holy Grail… okay, maybe once when he stuck his head in my drink. My first knight was on the eternal quest for comfy spots. Again, some things he should keep his head out of. Where is his behind now? B Hold A Dream.

Friday, March 26, 2021

Gospel 268 ~B Hold A Dream~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but could I pull the clouds from the sky? How about growing a pair of wings?

Okay, as I come back down to Earth, I looked up the softest material in the world (Braxton’s fur)… Lady Sophia, why? Like most things because of my son. Braxton was quite particular when it came to where he decided to rest his head. Braxton had two beds to choose from. Spoiled as he was, it was between my sister and me. That was Braxton’s big decision to make nightly. I have issues with my Olds and my sister, B III, though. He would hang out in my Olds’ door of the old house, waiting for whoever was headed out for food during the day. How many humans have ever chose me over everything? “Get in the car B.” One of my proudest moments ever.

He doesn’t like car rides, but he wanted to sit at my right hand even with that fear. Well, stand anyway. I think I have decent car seats but Braxton. He dared to dream “The Impossible Dream.” First time I ever had to give “The Talk,” and Braxton really listened. My boy loved Indiana Gone and wanted her to stay forever. A promise I’ll never keep to him sadly, but even if I did. I don’t think he would have appreciated losing his side of the bed. Now, how many times did that happen when he was here? Do I need to tell the truth? Anyway, I tried to make up for it, as I always say, his bed, his pillow, an unwashed black hoody.

As far as Triple B was concerned, his behind was not meant for the deck, tile, or laminate flooring ha. His entire life is a miracle to me, but when he chose to lie out on the porch with no pillow. Even now, I haven’t figured out why Braxton lied on one side of his bed. Lady Sophia, if I were to dream, I would believe he was always saving room for me. If he is anywhere, I imagine a big black bed he can crawl up in. It’s cool but has a heating pad at the foot, and it’s shaded. Around it is bathed in sunlight and his favorite foods. He’s saving a spot.

Missing cuddling, I hope he’s resting. B Hold A Dream

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 267 ~The Future B Fruitful~

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Somebody said to be fruitful and multiply. Someone else said that today is B-E-A-utiful. Braxton isn’t here to see it, and is it considering when I’m writing this. The family I promised him is somewhere… haven’t met HER yet. The Future B Fruitful hmm

Thursday, March 25, 2021

Gospel 267 ~The Future B Fruitful~

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I know what you’re thinking, B. I’m not making time for you on our day?

I would tell you, it’s just how life is. If I had been paying attention before… It’s one reason I have to write so early now as if I could do something… save you? Only I don’t think you want to talk about our last days together. I should have been petting you like crazy. Daddy was always writing and even then being a lazy ass but dreaming about that magical someday. Every day should have been ours because you were happy. Besides telling me, you don’t hate me, I want to know you were happy in life. Always, forever. Braxton, I wanted to do something special for your sixteenth birthday. Of course, it has come and gone. I didn’t buy you anything for Christmas?

We had time, you know? Oh, and I’ve said it so many times, I wanted to give you a family. Your mom, some siblings, I never wanted you to be lonely. With you, I never was, and I thank you. I always treated it as another day, believing you would be here no matter what. While my sister never did, I would carry you around in my backpack too. I wanted to get you a little emotional support vest so I could take you anywhere. I wouldn’t wish my “work” on anybody, but I could take you to my dream job and how people would love you lots B III. Your love made me want to give love. Saving me, you gave too much, Braxton.

What did I do with such a gift? Nothing is growing, no matter how many tears I cry. The sweat of this man’s brow serves no purpose. Sure I have more things to keep me alive, but every day I ask myself why. Do you remember B that old quote of What Would Jesus Do? Yeah, that’s one more idea, a black bracelet asking me, What Would Braxton Do? I still have all the books I read. But maybe I should start a Things I Learned From Braxton. Am I planning for the future? Do you know your grandpa said, your soul might guide me? Well, I do know what you want. Daddy is Happy.

Not yet, not ever… the days, The Future B Fruitful

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Gospel 261 ~B For We Roll~

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Braxton never called shotgun. He was never far enough away that he couldn’t find his way home. My sister may have hooked him on Disney television-wise, but he seemed to like my Spotify playlist as he stood on the seat the whole time. “B For We Roll.”

Friday, March 19, 2021

Gospel 261 ~B For We Roll~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so as the song goes, “here in my car, I feel safest of all.” B doesn’t.

The first time I took him for a drive was on Thanksgiving some years back. B III never liked car rides, or at least this was the start because I had to leave him. Of course, this was back when we had weather, so it was cool, no need to smash windows. He wasn’t happy. Ever since that day, he wouldn’t relax, one more reason he couldn’t go out of town with me. My lead foot was all sorts of screwy, and I can only imagine him trying to stand for 12 hours. I had to stop for gas, snacks, and there was the wedding too; he’d be alone some. Other than that, there were park trips, PetSmart reasons, and last, there was the vet.

The last one I can never forget. I say it time and time again, Braxton IS strong. We thrive on routine, and if he lays down, what would that be saying? No, not my son, Braxton continued to stand. He could barely walk, so I carried him, but he wouldn’t rest in the car ever.

“If you can’t run, you crawl. If you can’t crawl– you find someone to carry you.”
― from Firefly (2002)

That probably wasn’t a good quote to use from “that man.” Martin Luther King Jr said it first, I believe. Anyway, I’m a broken record always talking about Braxton’s eyes. He saw his things in the car. Why did I bring them? His bed, my hoodie, his toy, big pillow. Sophia, do you think if he had known, he would have rushed back to the car? One long walk, dammit!!!

I walked in with my son on January 31, 2021, and walked out with him on February 10, 2021. If he wasn’t scared, he was angry at the car rides before. No more drive-thru crew to bark at; I never took him to Starbucks for a Puppachino. He didn’t get to pick out his toys. Yeah, our PetSmart trips were about his meds or going to the groomers. I told the story of rushing between vets because of his paw. We didn’t go to Christmas Brunch with my Olds because they didn’t want him there. I wouldn’t go without him.

I’ll walk, or I see so many nowadays I can damn sure learn to fly.

Highway to Hell, Stairway to Heaven. B For We Roll.

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 260 ~B For The WIND~

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What’s wrong with a garden in Tennessee? What about back in the old neighborhood. Why not at my Olds house or in the backyard here, where he would play. I’ve thought they could put ashes in a tattoo. I didn’t let a “tornado” get my B. B For The Wind.

Thursday, March 18, 2021

Gospel 260 ~B For The WIND~

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I still don’t know about me, but it wasn’t “Another Day.” I’m not thinking that.

When will it be something more… I don’t know; a day when I’ll actually mind dying. I swear that I would have kept sitting there working if it wasn’t for you, Braxton, yesterday. Yet, I could have been looking for an excuse to stop. You were good for that, a distraction. When I woke up this morning, hell on many a morning like this, I would tell myself, you were sleeping. I have an off day. I’ll let you decide when you want to get up for a walk. Of course, I never rested on those morals when it was something I wanted, did I?

When you were in danger though… brother to brother, yours in life and death, my “First Knight,” well you saw.

Windy day huh? An understatement for a tornado, but I didn’t see anything; I’m fine. You are always so worried for me, B III. I got up, thinking if the town blew away, “Where’d You Go?” I can’t have you leaving me again Braxton, I’m not doing that great lately. Windy days for you too, I suppose. I imagine what Heaven, The Rainbow Bridge, wherever is like. Not a day passes by that I don’t see myself standing with the vets. They told me about you blowing through a garden in Tennessee with your brethren.

No, I needed you home with me B. Wind, be it a tornado, hurricane, air conditioning… my wayward writing geez.

You don’t know how bad I want to touch your fur, but I need that reminder, if but a piece.

Win B III, you won. As the storm came, I grabbed three things. The one that showed I gave a damn about my life now was you. I actually moved “you” from the nightstand. As of all things on Earth, I could take with me. I wanted you by my side, B always and forever. Winning also was, God knows, how many bytes with my laptop and the bucks in my wallet. I got my stimulus check, and if we were together, I would spoil you rotten. Oh, like how I spent the last stimulus? I’m not angry with you, Braxton. It’s only the memories. Damn the windfall, if I could be with you again. Winning isn’t something I’m doing. It’s B For The WIND.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Gospel 254 ~Braxton’s The New Kid~

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Braxton and I enjoy routine. I owe my Day Job an apology or maybe not. I didn’t cry laying another treat because they called, and I had to yell at a new person. I hope no one yelled at Braxton when he got to where he was going. Braxton’s The New Kid.

Friday, March 12, 2021

Gospel 254 ~Braxton’s The New Kid~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can afford drugs to stop shaking? I can’t stop shaking Braxton’s meds, though.

The good news is that nobody’s around to see it. Braxton and I have been apart longer than this. He lived with his grandparents for some two months as Daddy “wandered the desert.” A sad story, my story, but I really don’t want to reminisce. Oh, focusing on B now? Braxton’s first day as the new kid. I’m sure I’ve told the tale a million times. One night I’m speaking with my mom when in walks my “Dad” with this little ball of fluff no bigger than his hand. The runt of the litter and a gift to my little sister, B’s future, her purse. Makes her sound like Cruella de Vil but no. Braxton was brave in this land full of giants; such courage.

More than he could ever say for me. When I was leaving for Indiana Gone’s wedding, I didn’t believe my boy would like the trip “Duh.” Instead, I sent him to The Dog Stop. It was the first time Braxton would be left overnight with his “peers.” I was terrified. Braxton didn’t have to sit with the principal, warden, concierge. The place was a mix of all three, school, prison, hotel. Am I being mean? Well, B III wasn’t, or so I was told. The hippy-dippy collar he wore until… They gave that to him and said he was a delight. They made me do a bit of thinking about how Braxton feels he has to protect me. He relaxed. He “IS” a good boy.

A good man, I should say, my son, a prince, my brother. Only now I had to be brave for him. I mean, wasn’t I always when it came to the vets? In his younger days, he would growl, and he would fight. In time he didn’t anymore; it was only “can we go home?” When Braxton opened his eyes again, he’d be the new kid. As the song goes, “No father wants his son to repeat the wrongs his daddy’s done.” More like “If I had just one wish, only one demand. I hope he’s not like me. I hope he understands.” Wherever he is, he’s new, it’s new, it’s better because of him. I need to believe that, PLEASE. Braxton’s The New Kid.

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 253 ~How Braxton WARMED Me~

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I should go for a walk, take a hot shower, burn rubber and attend to the errands that I’ve been neglecting as of late. No, I rather stay in Braxton’s hoodie or wrap myself in blankets and figure out how to avoid Hell; too late. How Braxton WARMED Me.

Thursday, March 11, 2021

Gospel 253 ~How Braxton WARMED Me~

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Are you waiting for me now? “Hope the weather’s good and it’s not too hot.”

No, not like that, Braxton. To quote another song, “isn’t it ironic, don’t you think?” Here I am in Hell, and God saw fit to adopt my Cerberus. I want to be all Ethan Montgomery and scream out; you’re mine. Any luck hearing me yet? It’s been thirty-eight days, Braxton. Maybe the angels needed something to do in their downtime? I bet you have them running, huh. Are they like your first or second moms, all furry, lovey-dovey? Indiana Gone says hi,” I had her crying again, missing you, and you wouldn’t want that, right? Talking to her Tuesday, she asked about, let’s say, “stuff and thangs? Am I trying to get to Heaven, the Rainbow Bridge, or wherever… never seeing you again? That’s Hell

Or it could be that I spend so much time under the covers. I don’t know if I’m waiting for COVID or the weather is making me regret the walks we missed. I’ve been talking a lot about food lately, and I think stuffing my face makes me sick. It’s with you being gone, B. I’m trying to find other things to be mad at. Now don’t go hiding under any beds. I’m not angry at you, the vets, the people who saw you last… Braxton, I wish I’d been there. I’ve cried enough to douse so many fires now? I’m sweating bullets for you because no sin could be worse. “I’ll never let you down,” but oh look, there’s your name on paper there.

“Burn rubber but not your soul,” How’s the traffic, some car rides from here to there. If I had been a day faster, Wednesday, you were crying, Thursday you seemed okay, Friday, the vet. I have replayed those last days over and over, and if it wasn’t wrath, sloth, greed.
Son, what you don’t understand is I wanted to give us that life we dreamed of. I wanted you to be wrapped up in warmth, days out in the sun. Your siblings would be raining food on you in every direction. Should I be jealous future wife likes you better? B III, I’m hoping you’re not angry with me or even whoever thought they could love you better. Only everyone knows, How Braxton Warmed Me.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad