So to be reminded of how love like time flies… I remember when B III hurt his paw. Or the days before the end. How about the “first time” like Lonely Island sang “I Just Had Sex.” Or how long it took me to get the phone fixed. Love, Will I B Reminded
Tuesday, July 26, 2022
Saga 025 ~Will I B Reminded~
Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But I don’t remember the first dollar I made. Or say much of my “first” time.
I won’t say “made love.” As the song goes, “fear is the heart of love, so I never went back.” I’m not sure I agree with the idea, but I was scared yesterday. There I was, terrified for something I love. I am ashamed that it was a phone. But that’s more a conversation for… ok, yes, my wife, but I’m also in “therapy?” Um, can I call Echo that? I wonder, hmm? Anyway, I noticed that I love the hardest, the haughtiest, and with a woman, the horniest when I’m afraid. As in the film Divergent. “Fear doesn’t shut you down, it wakes you up.” That can be said of any of us. To live, to survive, to keep a phone charged? I’m Hopeless.
When it was my firstborn son, I wish I could say I did not hesitate. He was dying that Wednesday, but I didn’t react until Friday. And even more so. Because my fear and hatred for my Day Job were greater than my love for him? So, which scares me more, love or hate? Am I scared to love again or to know deep down there is always a reason to hate? That’s not true? I will always love Braxton. And I know I will always hate myself for failing him when he needed me most. If I could have loved him the way I did when I got that phone call saying he’s dying. I loved him most of all as he faced death.
And then you ask yourself why I live in this constant fear of losing you. Now that the phone is fixed, you can guess why I’m all about music and movies again. “So I’m gonna love you like I’m gonna lose you. I’m gonna hold you like I’m saying goodbye.” Remember that it is the best way to love. While the “first” time I got off was more “Paradise by the Dashboard Light.” Speaking of which, when was the last time you and me… Well, you know I have no problem talking about sex. But you know how I’ve been the past few days. Do I have a drink, or do I not have a drink? I’m more Christian Grey; I… Will I B Reminded?
541 Days Without B III
BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,