Saga 185 ~Comfort’s Not Limited To Politeness~

The second day of the new year, and am I comfortable yet? I wish I could have that day when I scooped B up, told him to shush, and fell asleep. He was dying, and I wasn’t being polite… ignoring him. Such a lesson. Comfort’s Not Limited To Politeness.

Monday, January 2, 2023

Saga 185 ~Comfort’s Not Limited To Politeness~

Two-Hundred and Seventy-Third Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now… which means a lot more comfort and surely much less politeness. That might make a good resolution.

I’m speaking to you from a year ago, Madam. Saturday, December 31, 2022, being precise. And much like right this moment, as the song goes, “there is no love here, and there is no pain.” The Day Job? The indifference that led to the death of my son. One thing remains. But this week Madam. Hell! Today, yesterday, the day before? Whatever song gets picked. I’ve gone from “He’s My Son” to “Am I A Psycho.” There’s “The Way,” “Every Day Is Exactly The Same,” and “Enormous Penis.” Um, ok, that would be… uh, uncomfortable. First off, my continuing to exist makes me pretty damn uncomfortable. A terrible sign for the beginning of the year. Only what, Madam, “Put On A Happy Face.” My resolution?

It begins with the truth. The Man in the Mirror is never comfortable. Unless he and I agree… “we pretend that we’re dead.” I only took a short nap today and spoke to Lunalesca and Braxton. Anyway, back to my resolution. It’s not “I’m Here”; it’s “I’m waiting to see who will piss me off.” That’s my new phrase for the Day Job. Politeness? Again that quickly fell to indifference which killed my kid. Then there’s Virgil (sigh). But the thing is, B III is still here. And while I can’t say I’ll speak comforting memories, I’ll speak “B.” And while there is no way I’ll keep this promise as long as I’m talking. I’ll be “me” like I was with him. Always and forever…

Well, minus the porn, as you can see. Bible Black? I can do so much worse, Madam. Today I unsubscribed from a girl on OnlyFans for… fart jokes, eww. But I hope I haven’t fallen back into jerking off so soon, especially this month. The Zoe Colletti, Tifa Lockhart pain… I want to publish a book this year. Which will be one of the polite ones. Yet you know there are plenty that aren’t so much. What to do with them? Get uncomfortable and work; that’s the big thing. I try to be so polite to others. And then I’m more so to myself, Madam. Holding back everything seems so damn polite. But if I want any real comfort here… Comfort’s Not Limited To Politeness.

701 Days Without B III, Day 142 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,

Lesson 169 ~Picturing Hell Over Heaven~

Is it hot in here, or is it just me, turned on, angry, spending in time in Hell but I do know there is a Heaven out there somewhere, and I only need one more glimpse of such a place, just one. Picturing Hell Over Heaven.

Sunday, December 17, 2017

Lesson 169 ~Picturing Hell Over Heaven~

To Will:
No Fear, you know who the monsters are, you’ve seen their faces, heard their words, they echo in your mind, and Hell is a mighty big place. I can see why you would want to stick around and as much as I want to sound like some televangelist, in honor of Carl Grimes R.I.P. Just Survive Somehow Will.

It’s so much simpler isn’t it, it’s getting to the point where it’s not the worst thing that frightens you but the best because at least for now, this moment you know you can survive. Who am I to tell you to picture a brighter tomorrow, the point is just to make it there and then the next day, and the day after and that is an achievement and I’m proud of you. Then how about our wants, we still live by the four I’s, Impossible, Immoral, Illegal, Insane because there is nothing that falls outside of those categories but that will be your goal this week, ask what if.

Usually, I want to tell you to be a good man, a better man than me and again you already are, you’ve resisted temptation, you’ve survived the most extended hours this week, and you’re not making life harder for yourself, no that’s my job. I’m sure I’ve told you not to look back but here’s the thing, just because we see Hell doesn’t mean we haven’t seen Heaven, we might not remember it and hoping for anything at this point sucks. I want you to imagine just for an instant, you walk into stores all the time and see happy couples, you pretend that you don’t hear the whispers, hell as if people bother to whisper. Even today you bought hot chocolate and since you don’t drink alcohol, isn’t that a return to such innocence?

Will I ask so much of you and I have yet to find that one real accomplishment that may become a good habit, I mean other than breathing and that’s becoming more difficult I know it. This week I just want a creature comfort, something good that you can claim, a want satisfied that won’t land you smack dab in Hell and requires more prep than a bit of ice cream or a Rice Krispy treat, pretty easy you think?

If you found yourself in Heaven not Hell what would it be what if we’re not Picturing Hell Over Heaven?

I Will Have No Fear