Lesson 045 ~You Don’t Hate Them…~

August 15, 2017 WillLeave a comment

If I think I hate them today, I probably will hate them tomorrow and the question remains why do I hate them you can’t just put the blame on me or my anxiety. “You Don’t Hate Them…” something I wish I could believe or even desire.

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, but if I do hate them, take solace in the fact that I hate myself more, I’m my own worst enemy and yet I’m still living. On the other hand, you don’t need hate to kill, not necessarily; okay so today is going to be a scary day, it has been, still is, and it may be, still got time.

“It is alright for you to hate them. What did they do? They revered you as a saint and called you holy, and made you promise to become a living Buddha, the fools. Then they buried you alive in solitary darkness. Hate them. Hate them all, the humans of this world.” ― Naraku, Fare Thee Well: Jakotsu’s Requiem (Episode 120)

I don’t possess such hatred Lady Lu and I pray I never do but we both know I’m no saint, and I’m one to ask forgiveness rather than permission, we may get to that today maybe. The thing is today, I was at work, another huddle and I mean just looking at all of them standing there I was filled with an almost overwhelming rage, that threatened to burn me alive. You might call it embarrassment when I walked away from that insipid hands in thing these teams do but no I only grew angrier.

What truly gets to me though is the fact that I should have stood against them, I should have said something but I didn’t say anything. I wonder which is worse, to spew such hateful things for the world to see or to pack it in and let it eat away at you and bury you. Now hate ultimately will kill you, not a doubt in my mind but I’m M.A.D. Mutually Assured Destruction, I don’t mind going as long as I take my enemy along for that last ride.

So the question, do I hate them, you don’t hate them implies that I have reservations and I shouldn’t care enough to hate should I? It’s there though but maybe we should start by how one defines hate, begin at the beginning and all that.

“Hate” – an intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury; extreme dislike or disgust

Again Lady Lu I don’t want to delve into politics but those white supremacists Charlottesville, is it fear, anger, a sense of injury, dislike, disgust, a bit of everything, just the feeling of being superior. Now I could go on forever about my own fear, I won’t quote Yoda today but talk about my greatest fear… my father and you will know why I hate him more than anything else.

They say hate is taught, no one is born hating or to hate, children don’t hate because they have no fear, indeed it is fear that is the architect of hate. As I hope that I don’t possess such hate, I also hope I don’t possess such fear but if I would have spoken up today, would I have lost my hate by releasing it upon them all or would I have only spread that hate. If anything it beats what I am now, I hate and I have been hated or maybe I give myself too much credit there.

“In all this darkness, is there anybody who can make out the truth? He hated, and he killed, and now he dies. And you hated, you killed, and now there’s not one of you… Not one of you who isn’t doomed. Do you know why it’s dark? Do you know why it is night all around us? Do you know what the blackness is? It’s the hate he felt, the hate you felt, the hate all of us feel, and there’s too much of it. There’s just too much. And so we had to vomit it out. And now it’s coming up all around us and choking us. So much hate, so much miserable hate.” Twilight Zone, I am the Night – Color Me Black

I wonder did I hate before anxiety, I didn’t always have one or the other but I think one gives rise to the other, I notice with hate, I gain courage or that’s just anger talking… still not quoting Yoda. People taught me how to hate Luna, no way around that, evil begets evil though they wouldn’t call it that, they would say they’re making a joke. No, they are making you feel small and inferior while uplifting themselves and when we grow tired of this we fight back and when those who were brought low begin to rise what comes next, fear and hate.

“The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral,
begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy.
Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it.
Through violence you may murder the liar,
but you cannot murder the lie, nor establish the truth.
Through violence you may murder the hater,
but you do not murder hate.
In fact, violence merely increases hate.
So it goes.
Returning violence for violence multiplies violence,
adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars.
Darkness cannot drive out darkness:
only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”

from Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929 – 1968)

If anything my friend I think the concepts of love and hate come far too easily, it irks me when people speak of love so casually and here I speak of hate, so what is the answer? I will not love, in most cases, this is impossible not that I don’t wish that I knew it more, I love my dog, I love my mom but hate, seriously should I just write another whole book?

If I don’t hate people maybe I truly mean I don’t understand them and see that’s a problem in itself, understanding another is a burden and people don’t want to be understood they want to be loud. We don’t want to know our fellow man because we’re too busy trying to be better and I don’t think I’m better than anyone else… no, I’m not.

Here’s another question Luna, why should I hate at all if it doesn’t do any good, I can’t destroy those who I say I hate, I might be killing myself with this sickness though I continue to live on, so what’s the point. Already I said understanding but I don’t need to understand these people to do what is required, what entitles anybody to our understanding. If we can breathe the same air, if we can work together, if we can be protected by the same laws then there is no need for hate or for understanding and that understanding we can give to those worth our efforts, I think.

“Do you talk to someone else while we’re talking?

Yes.

Are you talking with someone else right now? People, OS, whatever…

Yeah.

How many others?

8,316.

Are you in love with anybody else?

Why do you ask that?

I do not know. Are you?

I’ve been thinking about how to talk to you about this.

How many others?

641.” Her

Maybe if I knew how to love more, I could learn how to hate less, that’s part of my new philosophy, if I talk more, people will have to understand more, maybe they will maybe they won’t but I’m sick of giving them the luxury of saying whatever and putting the burden on me. When I ask people do they need help, I am attempting to understand them and if I do understand then we move forward if I don’t well we fear what we don’t understand and eventually we hate. Nobody teaches you how to breathe but as the song goes, I want to know what love is, I want you to show me and how many people are doing that in the world?

So what have I learned today other than I have so much more room for hate, I mean the heart has finite space but hatred is ever increasing, it’s called a graveyard. Strange though that hate will keep you alive but love is worth dying for, You Don’t Hate Them…

“A sickness known as hate; not a virus, not a microbe, not a germ – but a sickness nonetheless, highly contagious, deadly in its effects. Don’t look for it in the Twilight Zone – look for it in a mirror. Look for it before the light goes out altogether.” Twilight Zone, I am the Night – Color Me Black (1964)

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 022 ~Do You Trust Me~

July 23, 2017 WillLeave a comment

Betrayal is the lowest circle of Hell, a sin I have never committed… but no we don’t trust each other and for all the reasons we should, what went wrong? Do You Trust Me, after everything how does anybody else even stand a chance?

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Lesson 022 ~Do You Trust Me~

Hey Lady Lu,
Today’s lesson is brought to you by Disney or to be more specific, Aladdin, which begs the question why would you trust a thief or Disney as a whole. I’ve said on numerous occasions I am not a man of faith, but what is trust but the ultimate act of faith especially considering the circumstances and such.

“Trust is something you have to earn!

But how?! How do I earn it?

You can start by trusting me!” – Titan Rising, Teen Titans (2004)

Faith is trust with nothing to show for it and trust is experience, Jasmine had faith in Aladdin at first, but with the experience trust was simple. I just got a chill you remember the fifth of November, in my attempts to trust one I didn’t trust who matters most… that would be me strangely enough. I gave into faith instead of everything I knew to be true and isn’t that the question, why would I do such a thing?

For Jasmine it was an escape, the experience seemed to dictate her world would not change, in trusting this she took a “leap of faith” which led to her trusting someone. Aladdin was much the same way, and what I have been thinking about these past few days is how easily we take it for granted. Maybe it’s not so much taking it for granted because you would have to have it, I don’t know what you would call it.

I said I would never lie to you Luna, I am learning to trust you again (my fault) but I think I have already done so without meaning to. The reason for today’s lesson and the onset of my depression is my little Braxton and this my dear changes nothing but here we are anyway.

“You can have trust without love, but you cannot have love without trust” Just me

I have faith in him but the trust would say otherwise, faith, hope, and love, but I am certain I’ll end up bleeding and that’s for trying to help him. I don’t trust people more than I love my dog but with the same problem, people are more… logical I suppose; he doesn’t trust me which means I hand him to vets who I have no reason to trust and yet it’s me trusting them for his benefit, logical right?

This is yet another reason I don’t trust myself, it’s my responsibility to see to Braxton’s needs, he trusts me with his food, water, shelter, a walk a day and everything else that’s his experience. He doesn’t trust me not to hurt him though and to be fair I don’t trust myself but helping him is what I trust myself to do and I have faith in the end that he will be grateful, no Luna I’m not high. Long story short, he has a tick and I want to get it off but because neither of us trusts each other he’s hiding in his room and I’m in mine talking to you instead of I don’t know calling someone.

Faith says I can help him and trust says I know who must because I lack trust in the animal that I have cared for these years, who sleeps on my bed, who knows enough not to touch my food, who has protected me from my “father”. What about him, I have protected him from any harm, I’ve never failed in getting him what he needs, his well-being comes ahead of my own, well not now I suppose. Years of trust don’t mean anything to a moment of fear, some pain, anger, and rage etc.

This is why faith might be better, if you succeed then you can claim trust and if you fail, let God’s will be done or you can make up whatever you want to get by. Trust means you have to face it down, look it in the eye, black and white, feel it and know that something has been destroyed.

“Trust is easy to destroy, but it takes time to build.” – Masks, Teen Titans

I don’t trust myself most days but for some reason, people have trust in me, trust not to screw up too badly, trust that I won’t act on every devious impulse that festers within the confines of my mind whenever.

“Remember “Okay” how she trusted me, over and over and how often did I break that trust, how often did she find I wasn’t worthy of it. She told me things she would never trust anyone with, things I could use against her but I am not that “man” I would never I even asked her did she trust me. Haven’t spoken to her in over a month, years of knowing me and in a flash, it’s all over and still, I keep her confidence.

“these guys are tight, and you’re gonna be trippin’ out.

Don’t be usin’ my own phrases when we’ve lost the trust.” Waiting in the Wings

Of course, we still have “the incident” but “Ms. Seasons” didn’t ever know me and I was trusted to be someone else rather than who I am. Then there is “Gospel Girl” (I might be getting good at these names) and I want her to trust me enough just so I can play the devil.

Being a Dominant though, trust is a sacred thing, if a Sub doesn’t trust you then there really is no point it can’t be allowed even. Yes, I’m still looking for a role model other than Ned Flanders or Christian Grey but Lady Lu can I trust you with a secret of mine… That’s part of the reason I’m a Dom because I don’t trust someone not to run away, a future Sub will have to trust me and rope, scarves, underwear are many ways to make her stay put.

Anyway what have we learned today other than I’m so worried about my dog, trust me, isn’t that what I usually ask of you and others Do You Trust Me?

Valerian and Basic Male Psychology

July 22, 2017 WillLeave a comment

Men have fought wars for many different reasons, they have saved lives, they have travelled the stars but behind every great achievement, behind every move than man has made, there has always been a woman. Valerian and Basic Male Psychology hmm?

Tell me something I don’t know, I like explosions, I like pretty girls, and I wouldn’t mind being brain-dead for a few hours. Okay so I wasn’t exactly expecting Shakespeare but I’m not exactly an idiot either; I have seen plenty of movies where people say you have to read the book to understand… I think this is one of those but the problem is I really don’t want to.

It makes me think about those adult coloring books for children, this movie has plenty of colors and you’ll wake up in a bit wondering where all the time went. “Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets” reminiscence of any Michael Bay movie just toned downed by yeah a thousand and still, it is visually stunning. Speaking of stunning I’m more a fan of Cara Delevingne/Laureline but it’s Rihanna/Bubble that actually stands out for me in the film though the X-Men’s Mystique might have something to say about it.

If you’ve got time to kill and a bit of cash and you’re too grown up for coloring books, I’ll say it’s worth a watch but not spectacular at all. Now that I have appeased the gods of Fandango let’s get a bit more in depth, which isn’t much of a dig concerning the source material. As I said, I’m all for explosions and random acts of violence but the catalyst of this film is humanity is shooting at somebody and I suppose I have to read the comics to figure out reasons of than people just being people really.

“People wrote books and movies, movies that had stories so you cared whose ass it was and why it was farting, and I believe that time can come again!” Idiocracy

When I wasn’t saying, look at the pretty colors… I should have seen this in 3D, I wasn’t looking at all the mindless cannon fodder and sure, most movies have the peons and the hero escaping death but seriously I was just wondering how. Maybe a quick lesson, bright colors and a futuristic setting in the future, is not a reason to skimp on story.

The movie did start out with the best of attentions, I was actually sort of inspired, honestly today idiots are worshiped and people downplay any actual achievement. How do you keep men’s interest because I do think this movie is focused more on men, so throw in the beautiful women, as I said this was male psychology not that women won’t find this film enjoyable.

This movie can be compared to a lot of other better movies, from “The Fifth Element” design to “Avatar” white man saves blue people, to any number of government corruption movies that are out and about today. Once you get past the futuristic aspect, is there such a thing as too much sci-fi, Valerian is seriously flirting with it and speaking of flirting I think this is one of those reasons women might not like this. Maybe I’m reading too much into it; two hours for a light show but this movie did have a redeeming quality here or there.

Laureline, of course, was a tough young woman and it is a nice change of pace when the woman isn’t just I’m as tough as any man or independent, guys are expected to chase girls but a woman saving the guy. I can’t say enough about Bubble, Rihanna, I wish she had a bigger part, beautiful, sexy, hardcore when the need arose, a bit naïve and is this movie really trying to set itself up for a squeal. If anything Valerian was made more of a background character between the two of them, almost a bad guy considering Laureline did most of the universe saving, Valerian did the girl saving.

Which was another sad point that Valerian and Laureline had almost zero chemistry, sexual attraction but as Laureline summed up, she didn’t just want to be another name for the playlist. When they put Bubble and Laureline together in one scene to “seduce” Valerian that’s where you actually saw any real emotion as in love.

Speaking of love, I think that story was a bit rushed, I mean it was nearly nonexistent and as I was telling a friend, men will do anything if they think they can get at some girl parts, that’s practically how Laureline saved the city of a thousand planets. Three stars easy, but I was expecting so much more, a friend thought it looked like Star Wars, I wouldn’t do Star Wars such a disservice to compare the two really.

Guys will like it for the fighting, a few technical aspects, plenty of cannon fodder, close enough to sex without actual sex and that as soon as you see Clive Owen you know the movie. Women will like it for the feminist aspects, women are geniuses at everything, the girl saves the boy, the girl saves the universe but gets no credit, how about that she’s every woman idea and that men can’t be trusted with anything, even the guy had a girl inside him… long story. I wouldn’t necessarily see it again but I will have it on my Amazon watch list at some point which will be a lot sooner than later possibly.

The first star, of course, is for the attempt and for the noble intentions of humanity, if you liked The Fifth Element then this is quite tolerable. The second star for women in general, the actresses were excellent and I was sort of zoning out before Bubble. Lastly, a star for not giving up, most movies like this rely too heavily on visuals that they expect everyone to forget about the actual plot, Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets had one as confusing and yet simplistic as it was and the ending was good just far too rushed.

If I ever see it for half off I might be enticed to go and see it again but this story was more a one night stand but the cast of it was committed, and if I were Valerian… he made the right choice, even if it took a woman to show him; men as a species are doomed. No worries though, as long as there is some woman that a man wants, I believe science will continue to advance and so will date nights to movies like this one.

Lesson 017 ~How I Learned to Hate Beyoncé~

July 18, 2017 WillLeave a comment

This is what you get when you listen to Beyoncé for three hours straight, I like to think I have much better taste in music. How I Learned to Hate Beyoncé, might not sound like it from this but if I never heard her music again or life story

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Lesson 017 ~How I Learned to Hate Beyoncé~

Hey Lady Lu,
When we pretend that we’re dead, trust me it was the only way I survived at work today and this will be a rather musical lesson today. Crappy music at that since it will be mostly Beyoncé; I am Destiny’s Child at that, you know the one no one talks about, reminds me of “home”

Lose my breath, amongst other things whenever I show up to work, my voice, my nerve, my heart, and maybe my man card with the direction this is going. Talk about losing my life but the only life that was almost lost today was a cat that ran out in front of my car at work. I don’t think I’ve ever killed any “real” animals, my apologies to the squirrel population; I nearly hit a deer once, and a dog slammed into the driver’s side door.

Power, you and I should have all that power Lady Lu, ancient Chinese secret, did I ever mention how I get through most of my day if I had a million dollars; okay I’ll slow down a bit with the song titles, sounding like my poetry. I’ve actually interviewed for a few promotions but we know with the “Anxiety” that’s never really going to happen for me is it? You remember when I was wrestling with you know who and I caught both of her wrists… yeah, that sort of dominance would not be welcomed in the workplace ever.

Bootylicious as they think they are, but that’s a rant for another day, and I’m all about the Ned Flanders life, you know what happens whenever I like a girl. Speaking of which I never understood why people like Beyoncé that much, though back in the day I did have an eye for one of her partners, on my iPhone.

Don’t fear the reaper though, as crappy as most days at work though, short of the Beyoncé today was actually better than most even without my medication. How many things will remind me of “the incident”, most of the times that’s what the meds do, not remind me but make it so it won’t matter.

“We’re gonna eat these, Hannah, okay? Come on – You eat these. Eat these.

Are you trying to kill me?

No, sweetheart. I’m making you not care.” 28 Days Later

Haunted, now that’s a good way to describe it; you know I haven’t talked to another cute brunette in weeks and honestly, I can’t be the one to break the silence. I’ve said some pretty messed up things about girls of course, but to be a dream is better than a ghost right; no Lu I am not that crazy though plenty thought that about me which got me in a lot of trouble. People wonder why I lost the more romantic side of myself and if I had to describe it in any way it’s when Tony left Stella “How I Met Your Mother”.

“So what, you’re-you’re appealing to the romantic in me? Is that your strategy? Because that guy’s gone.
You can’t pull those strings anymore.
They’re not attached to anything thanks to you.” Ted Mosby – As Fast As She Can, HIMYM

99 Problems and a bitch ain’t one… that’s damn straight and I wish I could scream that out but wouldn’t that make me a weak and pathetic man, a catcaller of sorts. That’s just it Lady Lu, women think so much of themselves until it’s brought up and then if you have the right bank account, the right hype, the right face then it really doesn’t matter, don’t tell me it doesn’t. Don’t I sound bitter, more at myself than anything because at work when dude left, I could have decided the music right, I had that opportunity but I let anxiety stop me, fear, if only I had a Jay Z level of confidence.

Irreplaceable, don’t I wish but I have to keep silent, not to said I haven’t been missed or I haven’t shown courage listening to the tunes I do from time to time at work. It wouldn’t really matter though, Target, Wendy’s, Hardee’s (okay the six dollar clowns were mostly my fault) anyway who I am never really mattered in a way, with “Tall Ms. Seasonal” it was to the left.

“What do you mean, he didn’t talk? You were in there for an hour.

He just sat there, counting the seconds until the session was over. It was pretty impressive, actually.

Why would he do that?

To prove to me that he doesn’t have to talk to me if he doesn’t want to.

What is this, some kind of staring contest between two kids from the old neighborhood?

Yeah, it is. And I can’t talk first.” Good Will Hunting (1997)
Ordinary Human Lu, no I’m just human, no more and plenty of people would think a lot less; hell honestly I rather listen to Beyoncé than the things people say about me. The most people get out of me is a noise, though I do scoff at the general manager from time to time because really it’s just that ridiculous.

Crazy in love, not with any person so at least things aren’t that bad, though this song is, not the Fifty Shades of Grey version, or the Fifty Shades Darker one. Just another thing to think about, when I was at the store, a day ago this lady came up to me talking about our different tastes in root beer, and other than being annoying I actually thought, if I get famous I won’t have to do this anymore… shopping. From the looks of it Luna, you won’t make me famous but I part of the reason I’m talking to you is that of competition.

Don’t let me die tonight, I’ve never said but reasons I have to stay alive, at the top of the list, my Braxton, but as always somewhere is the thought of revenge. Remember I was all confession at first but now any money that isn’t going towards my new addiction “Saints Row” is going towards my writing and it’s all because of some woman. I don’t want her to hear me but I want everybody else to, I wonder do Jay Z and Beyoncé care that every aspect of their lives are just out there?

Runnin, my mouth that is or my fingers, I’m getting later and later with these my lady but I am trying, though at the moment I am having my fill of women… not in a good way. So what have I learned today… that I wish I could be a loud mouth like some, that most women are crazy and oh yeah this is How I Learned to Hate Beyoncé.

Lesson 010 ~With A Little Help from My Friends~

July 11, 2017 WillLeave a comment

If you can’t be loved be liked if not be respected, if not be invisible and barring all other alternatives you can always be feared. With A Little Help from My Friends, maybe it won’t ever come to that, though a fear of losing me

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Lesson 010 ~With A Little Help from My Friends~

Hey Lu,
I get by with a little help from my friends… not that I’m trying to follow pop culture this week but I fell asleep watching EWW Planet of the Apes, so naturally I have to get it out. To begin properly when I talk about friends I would scoff and say “what friends” but yeah I have a few actually.

“Introduce you to my friends I got to see if you notice
If they loyal or if they all got an ulterior motive” Take A Walk With Me, Joe Budden

I find that people that often claim, loyalty, honesty, integrity, patriotism, often have no clue what those words mean and the same goes with a friend. Don’t get me wrong I’m no better than anybody else, especially when it comes to ulterior motive… I swear one day Luna I’m going to get through a day without remembering the incident but yeah I did have a motive or just high hopes. I knew nothing was going to come of it but I can dream can’t I but I don’t find I dream about friends too often and family is more often than not a nightmare but let’s start with how I will define “friend” for real.

“I need your help. I can’t tell you what it is, you can never ask me about it later, and we’re gonna hurt some people.

…Whose car are we gonna’ take?” – The Town (2010)

This right here is the epitome of the “bro code” and I’m sorry to say with the exception of Braxton, I don’t really have any bros in the physical sense, though I will count a guy here or there on Facebook. If anything I would look at Facebook as sort of a 3/5 Compromise, don’t ask me Lady Lu I suck at math and probably humor as well which explains my lack of friendship. Also, I hate asking for help, I don’t ask for help from anybody, even people I don’t consider friends, other employees and the like, part of that is Anxiety and OCD the other is if you want something done right, do it yourself, that’s just me.

“I have always depended on the kindness of strangers” – A Streetcar Named Desire (1947)

It’s just something about depending on people for anything *ahem* family but again I don’t count them as friends, I mean if they cut me off I might be back living in one of those extended stay death traps. On the other hand, they wouldn’t care if I went on another bout of sleeping pills or painkillers either so love… I would settle for anybody saying that they liked me.
He gets high with a little help from his friends, don’t I wish Luna, I don’t get inebriated around friends, well okay with Braxton and that just shows the type of dog parent I am and never more than a glass of wine or a beer, in dire circumstances really.

Okay what about the meds I take, those make me a better friend, maybe a more talkative one, I always get I’m such a good listener. On top of that, you don’t really want to be the guy that always wants to punch someone in the mouth, at least I can pretend and if I honestly don’t want to punch somebody that puts such and such on my higher esteem level just so you know. Now I have wanted to do plenty of other things to friends but then I wouldn’t necessarily call those people friends either, maybe I’m greedy.

“Friends don’t try to undress friends.” Notice

Take Sebastian and Danielle in Cruel Intentions 2, it is my firm belief that men and women can’t really be friends if there is any “chemistry” you know the kind between them, so what do you call me having so many female friends, damn Lady Lu I made my imaginary therapist a girl to what, give me the incentive to write. I have a solid friend here or there but even my “father” told me even if I don’t feel chemistry what about her… it kind of sucks.

Now since I don’t get, stoned, hammered, wasted, whatever with friends, how do I get high with friends; honestly I left happy years ago but a friend that makes me smile, is sort of a high. Some get me higher than others to be completely honest, some make me stop what I’m doing immediately to respond, others I’ll wait a bit, others hell are days away but they all do something for me. Maybe I should start comparing friends to my drug of choice and that would make Braxton a constant adrenaline rush which explains why when he sleeps, I’m right there catching up but I have another friend that would give him a run for his money, she knows.

Truthfully though when it comes to friends, well people, in general, I put them on what I call the Blackjack scale, what’s wrong with that I like Blackjack plenty.

I’m gonna try with a little help from my friends to like myself more and isn’t that what it always comes back to, that I don’t like myself. Yeah, I was reminded of that, me being skeevy and I guess through her eyes I just realized.

“The truth is, I can’t handle the idea of her not liking me. I can’t handle the idea of ANYBODY not liking me.” Melvin Smiley

Okay so the Blackjack scale, 21 is my absolute love, like, loyalty, what have you, for all intents and purposes I would die for you, and my being okay is linked with your happiness which pretty much means my dog. Lower numbers mean a lower esteem and there is not a person alive that has a 21 in my eyes hell when I get married, my wife and Braxton are technically going to be my Topanga and Shawn. If you asked me where I rank on my own scale… well, let’s just say there are reasons I don’t look in the mirror, and that’s some major anxiety don’t you think.

“How great is this? My favorite person*dog* in the world. And my wife.” Cory Matthews – Girl Meets World (2014)

The question remains, when did I stop liking myself and my answer is when nobody else liked me and that right there is a problem I know and a few people are trying to a degree. There’s a guy at work who asks me from time to time about my writing but I don’t see friendship there; nothing wrong with the guy but I see a conspiracy and my job is not above that because I’ve been a part of one here and there. Being friends though immediately correlates with being a boss which explains why I haven’t been promoted, they told me this; I’m plenty dominant, downright sadistic in other areas of my life but again, she called me skeevy, get over it right?

“And when all those people believe in you,
Deep enough and strong enough believe in you,
Hard enough and long enough it stands to reason you,
Yourself will start to see what everybody sees in you.
And maybe even you, can believe in you, too.”
Snoopy the Musical: If Just One Person Believes in You

So what’s the answer Lu, should I focus on myself, stronger meds because even this is a bad batch or work is just that bad; anyway start with me and if nobody likes me in the end at least I got Braxton. Maybe I should be the friend that everybody thinks I should be perhaps because it’s not like the guy I am now is winning hearts and minds who knows truly but with a little help from my friends…

“Under a tyranny, most friends are a liability. One quarter of them turn “reasonable” and become your enemies, one quarter are afraid to speak, and one quarter are killed and you die with them. But the blessed final quarter keep you alive.” – Sinclair Lewi

Magic Muggle

June 29, 2017 WillLeave a comment

Love is… maybe it depends on the lover and even then; anyway it’s a world I don’t think I was born into and a world I might never know. “Magic Muggle”, truthfully only read one of the Harry Potter books, saw two of the movies

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fl2YL2wvolU

Steps, Beats, Breaths, She Left

June 27, 2017 WillLeave a comment

It’s a disease this thing called love and I know how dangerous it can be or so I heard; it’s an addiction without any type of rehab. Steps, Beats, Breaths, She Left, one girl was so close, the right girl I’m afraid is so much farther away…

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHsm9yWA6wc

Because love is more than twelve steps
Could be more than thirteen
How many do you have left?

When I catch my breath
“Why don’t you tell me?”
Because love is more than twelve steps

And you have a powerful effect
like you wouldn’t believe.
How many do you have left?

For an angel, I bet
to love me like you do, the trouble I’ve seen
Because love is more than twelve steps

You haven’t taken the first one, yet
If I say something, instead of nothing, I’ll be waiting
How many do you have left?

Can’t ask an angel this
Except if you’re falling
Because love is more than twelve steps
How many do you have left?

Inspired By: “Spencer” by Eclesi4stik, Bill Haley and His Comets “Thirteen Women” (1954) Cold War Classics (Atomic Platters), Johnny Jewel Ft. Saoirse Ronan “Tell Me”, Major Lazer ft. Ellie Goulding and Tarrus Riley “Powerful”, Ellie Goulding “Love Me Like You Do” Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack, Robert Goulet “Nobody Knows the Trouble I’ve Seen” (Recess), A Great Big World Ft. Christina Aguilera “Say Something”, The Script “Nothing”, and Lenny Kravitz “I’ll Be Waiting”

Baby Like Boom

June 25, 2017 WillLeave a comment

That’s what it felt like, you know how your heart skips a beat when you see her and when you finally feel it again well… this is the way the world ends or begins again. Baby Like Boom, now let’s see what’s reflected in the rubble, one of her, I wish.

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XnH3za6zLAQ

Tell me… “I’m somebody’s baby”
Since when do angels deliver bad news?
Beautiful girl, what’s it like?

You tell him “you’ll always be my baby”
or “Love me like you do”
Feels like a nuclear strike

And I’m waiting for my atom bomb baby
Waiting for a girl LIKE you
Because psych

There goes my baby
Yeah, when the stars go blue
Is love blind or does it look alike

Inspired By: Babydoll a.k.a. Emily Browning… Sucker Punch, Johnny Jewel Ft. Saoirse Ronan “Tell Me”, Jackson Browne “Somebody’s Baby”, Everlast “What It’s Like”, Mariah Carey “Always Be My Baby”, Ellie Goulding “Love Me Like You Do” Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack, The Five Stars “Atom Bomb Baby” (1957) Cold War Classics (Atomic Platters), Foreigner “Waiting For A Girl Like You”, Usher “There Goes My Baby”, and The Corrs ft. Bono “When The Stars Go Blue”

Going Somewhere Cupid

June 24, 2017 WillLeave a comment

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iT4OFEB8uyE

And if I had someplace to be
Buying a bouquet of flowers
that you’d never see
What… they’d die in an hour
Go to Rock Hard Mr. Jeweler
You’ll love me like you do
For what would be cooler…
maybe, I could give it to you
If I had the courage to

be going somewhere
Instead, run boy run… but why
Because I’m shy, no… I’m scared
Petrified, when you’re such a wonderful surprise
Only you’re not in my red room
You’re not mine, tragic
With “him” I’ll assume
Never mine to ravish
Me you’d never choose

But wouldn’t it be nice…
Suppose I might never know
Because this place is not quite paradise
To find you I might have to go
Holding my breath, when I slip you a note
I don’t want to run that fast
Don’t want to scare you… I hope
Then love has already passed
When the stars go blue

will you stay with me, or be right here waiting there
In your lingerie… someday
Well I won’t be no runaway
My heart’s not going anywhere

When you’re too close to care

Inspired By: Babydoll a.k.a. Emily Browning… Sucker Punch, “Rock Hard Mr. Jeweler” by Will Bradford Jr, Ellie Goulding “Love Me Like You Do” Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack, Woodkid “Run Boy Run”, Shawn Hlookoff “Wonderful Surprise”, The Beach Boys “Wouldn’t It Be Nice”, Bliss 66 “Not Quite Paradise”, The Corrs ft. Bono “When The Stars Go Blue”, Sam Smith “Stay With Me”, Richard Marx “Right Here Waiting”, Sugar Ray “Someday”, The National “Runaway” and a preview of “Beyond Ruin” by Kit Rocha

Feather Ed

June 22, 2017 WillLeave a comment

Did you leave your wings at home, sometimes even angels fall, or maybe did you forget how to fly… all the things I was thinking about saying when I saw my crush in an ankle cast today. Feather Ed… they once used feathers for a lot of things

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXrQgvkfLiM

And even God thought, you’re such a wonderful surprise
You’re what men were given eyes for
So God makes even more…
only you’re the one that I adore
But I dream of you instead

Should I open my eyes?
Live brave in a whole new world
Just be the boy asking a girl
to love me like you do… absurd
Yet like a chief I tread

Imagining letters from the sky
From a poor poet’s hands
Spoken from this man
Tell me my love, here I am
How the quills once bled

Of the Marquis de Sade and an angel’s demise,
debauchery, wanton depravity
Ravishment and the biggest tragedy
That there would never be you and me
High above me, wings spread

I don’t ask why
You keep so many feathers, keep your wings
There is something better, only I spring
my own wings together from so many things
Still this year’s love is over my head

Inspired By: Babydoll a.k.a. Emily Browning… Sucker Punch, Shawn Hlookoff “Wonderful Surprise”, Eli Stone “Patience”, Aladdin (1992) “A Whole New World”, Notting Hill (1999), Ellie Goulding “Love Me Like You Do” Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack, Civil Twilight “Letters from The Sky”, Johnny Jewel Ft. Saoirse Ronan “Tell Me”, Sia “My Love”, Bryan Adams “Here I Am”, Marquis de Sade, Tal Bachman “She’s So High”, Audien ft. Lady Antebellum “Something Better”, David Gray “This Year’s Love” and Lit “Over My Head”

Will’s Writings, Witticisms, & Wisdom

And be a simple kind of man

Tag: Love

Lesson 045 ~You Don’t Hate Them…~

Lesson 022 ~Do You Trust Me~

Valerian and Basic Male Psychology

Lesson 017 ~How I Learned to Hate Beyoncé~

Lesson 010 ~With A Little Help from My Friends~

Magic Muggle

Steps, Beats, Breaths, She Left

Baby Like Boom

Going Somewhere Cupid

Feather Ed