Tag: Love

Lesson 128 ~Love Is Worth Dying For~

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Even if I’m not worthy of it I can still do such a thing, which is possibly the worst thing that I can do, of course, I’m talking about love and I might as well start digging right now. Love Is Worth Dying For, how many women have left me breathless

Monday, November 6, 2017

Lesson 128 ~Love Is Worth Dying For~

Fifth Rule Madam Justice,
No Fear when love is all you need, talk about wanting a lie to become the truth if enough people believe it. Hate is easy enough to find, it starts from within but love, hell again I would like to believe love is everywhere but it’s in invisible, like air.

Love is also way more exhausting, I love my dog, so I have a day job, I love myself and so I write but also I hate plenty so both love and hate lead me to the same place. As you can already tell, I’m not the right person to talk about love, as a matter of fact, I doubt there is a right “person” at all, or if so I haven’t found her yet. I probably really would die if I ever did because while a person is supposed to love who you are, we want to be better.

If anything love is the ultimate fuck off to self because when you love it can’t be about you, everything you are becomes about someone else, you are indeed prepared to die but that someone that something has to be prepared to do the same, no even greater and so you rise as well. That’s something that “grinds my gears” as Peter Griffin would say, people who just love everything and whatever it is they love isn’t giving anything back to them to be sure. Is it strange that I consider Love a holy word, a magic word, a word not to be taken likely because when I love, I give all of myself and nobody ever taught me such a thing, and just to be clear I don’t even love myself, I’m still alive?

I’m still alive because of my hate, my wrath has no bounds, and nobody has ever wanted my love, because what could that possibly mean to them? The one thing on this Earth I truly love is incapable of ever saying the word and he doesn’t ever have to really.

So I will wait because I don’t know what else I can do don’t you “love” how I keep going back to songs; I can’t go looking for love… okay, I swear I’ll stop now with the music. I do believe though, just as much as I hate this next breath, I’d love to believe Love Is Worth Dying For.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 122 ~Future Wife, The Musical~

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Sometimes I can barely speak and you want me to sing, though I wouldn’t mind being some businessman in a karaoke bar at some point. Future Wife, The Musical, I wish there was music so I would know I’m getting close to finding her.

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Lesson 122 ~Future Wife, The Musical~

Dear Future Wife,
No Fear but maybe if I met you when I was younger, and I can’t promise you won’t hear me in the shower, or when I’m attempting to cut the grass, there was even a point where I attempted to be a songwriter and I’ve only written a song once for a girl. I’d write a song for you but I would probably have someone else sing it for sure, and yet for you to sing to me would be so wonderful.

I’m sure I’ve said it before but my absolute favorite thing is to just lie in bed on a Saturday morning just for two or three hours and listen to 40’s-50’s nuclear war tunes. If I’m not quoting movies “Seeking a Friend for the End of the World” I’ll usually quote songs and really what are we doing if we aren’t seeking a friend for the end of the world. Is that my way of telling you that I’ll love you forever, I’m sure there are plenty of songs that will tell you that much.

Unless Ellie Goulding comes walking down the street and then I might be out the door… what can I say I’m a fool for a siren, a songstress, and a good video game medley. Everything but gospel although I do have a song from Building 429… what did you think I was hiding, this or that but yeah if you check my phone I’ll probably have some weird playlist. Sometimes talking just seems like so much noise, no not you but others and I look forward to the day that we can ignore people together with our earphones, walking together.

Discovering you will be like discovering my favorite song, my favorite playlist, and I suppose our taste will evolve together. I talk of singing but what about dancing, I’m not sure when in public but I remember being on the side of the road and dancing to “Drunk On You.

I imagine the song that will be you to me and me to you, I wonder what song we may call ours at one point. Most of all I just want your voice because what can honestly be more beautiful than three little words I long to hear from you.

If anything I’ll ask you to play that song for me, it ain’t “Easy Street” but Future Wife, The Musical.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 121 ~Hate Will Keep You Alive~

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I don’t want to hate, which is why I spend most days alone with the exception of the dog and sometimes I believe even he is a bit iffy when it comes to me or am I just that paranoid. Hate Will Keep You Alive, and I’m still standing huh

Monday, October 30, 2017

Lesson 121 ~Hate Will Keep You Alive~

Fourth Rule Madam Justice,
No Fear of the two-part rule which I will discuss next week but part one is “hate will keep you alive”, so will love depending on how you define living. Love if anything is meant to be a gift but something you don’t have to work for… there is no such thing as a free lunch, isn’t that right Justice.

Hate, on the other hand, makes you work for it, makes you strive for it if anything mankind has proven time and again that we strive for our own destruction because we make love a job. Would you say humans created weapons out of love for others or hatred though I honestly believe love can be an incredible weapon in itself? Here’s something I’ve always hated, those people that say you can’t love others if you don’t love yourself, this is a damnable lie indeed.

I think I love plenty, okay at least my dog, I love him but most days I can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror. If something were to happen to him though by someone else’s hand I would go to war and I would rampage until justice is done and would that not be out of love for him? How many love affairs spawned from hate, Romeo & Juliet and love for each other killed them before hatred of one another’s family. Can love be taught, hatred has to be, and I’m always on the cusp of quoting Master Yoda’s teaching on fear.

Maybe I fear myself so much which leads to my hatred, I mean I hate so many and my father is at the top of that list or so I assumed a minute ago. I hate enough that I remain in a constant state of exhaustion but is love equal, I don’t love my friends but I do work to make sure their comfortable in my presence and some days I actually hate myself more because of this I think.

Hate is literally what gets me out of the bed most mornings, working a job I hate, I look at the world and I prepare myself to stand as if I were Atlas. Why is it love that makes me a coward and hate that brings forth a zest for life, for my own survival?

It could be other people, how they look at me like they are allowed to do and say whatever and call it kidding, jokes, dame near hate speech, I know, Hate Will Keep You Alive.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 115 ~I’m So Damn Hot~

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Beautiful might be a better word, how about gorgeous, cute, pretty, or what have you, but it’s been a long time since I have been lovesick, felt passion, heat, or anything else. “I’m So Damn Hot” or maybe that’s just been the weather lately

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Lesson 115 ~I’m So Damn Hot~

Dear Future Wife,
No Fear but before you think I have a big head or I lack the confidence to say such a thing, to quote Olaf “I like warm hugs”; I’m not exactly a Disney nerd but that movie isn’t going anywhere. Neither and I for the most part, no I’m not leaving you, for shame, what I mean is I’m more of a stay in, curl up with a good book, warm super soup belly, mug of tea, movie fanatic guy, just saying.

Good thing I married you because I ‘d be damned if I let you steal one of my hoodies, though I’ll admit it looks good on you and I suppose we’ll have to talk about the thermostat situation. I love the heat but need the cold to sleep, I’m somewhat cold-blooded and not just in video games… I did mention being a nerd right? I was born up north but I’m pretty much a southern boy, though I could see myself in California, someday, a private beach or a wooded glen, away from something that burns me up, which would be most people being honest.

Someplace the fire department would have a hell of a time finding… sounds ominous, just my way of saying I don’t cook, though I know a girl here or there that would have a difference of opinion. If it wasn’t for a microwave and you I suppose I would have starved a long time ago. You know things are bad when the dog hides under the bed or suddenly wants out of the house any moment I turn on the stove or look at the oven or crockpot. Speaking of getting out of the house, I do enjoy going on hikes, not that I have anything against long walks on the beach but what’s best is just sitting next to you, playing footsy in the lake, reading that collection of poetry I finally got around to writing, when that’d happen?

Your arms around me, hot showers, and doing things that should get us both sent straight to Hell but to quote a song, “It’s Only Love”. If it is a Hell-worthy trespass for wanting you the way I do, needing you more than anything else, feeling the way I do and especially if you feel the same way well, at least we’ll be together hmm?

If anything I’ll always burn for you, “I’ll Melt With You” because you’re so damn hot, I’m so damn hot.

“She’s mad but she’s magic. There’s no lie in her fire.”
― from Charles Bukowski

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 108 ~And Maybe I Snore~

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To someone so I won’t have to dream alone someday, that is when I do dream; sleep, more like the walking dead these days and I’m looking for that perfect zombie apocalypse partner. And Maybe I Snore but I haven’t had anyone to tell me.

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Lesson 108 ~And Maybe I Snore~

Dear Future Wife,
It’s a valid question if I snore or not, I’m sure before we take such a step you’ll have plenty of chances to learn the truth of this. I can tell you with utmost certainty that I sleep like a log, I get up for two things in no particular order, work, the dog, and you, any other time I’ll probably be dead to the whole world.

People can be exhausting but with you, as corny as this might sound, you have to be the dream, honestly, as much as I sleep I don’t find many opportunities to dream because I’m searching for you and when we’re together… I don’t want to miss a thing and no I don’t sing in my sleep and I’m pretty sure I don’t talk, at least the last time I recall I woke up rattling off cheat codes to Star Wars: Rogue Squadron. I think you’re pretty used to the quiet when it comes to me, more than a quirk, or a habit, a necessity because yes, people take a lot out of me but you…

On one hand, I would say you wake me up to everything in this world and I’ll never get bored and on the other, you can find both my love and my trust in you as I lie here. There is only one other who has ever known this and you’ll find him at the foot of the bed curled up, standing guard, or simply watching TV when I’m out like a light or trying to read. Sharing my bed, I swear that dog must trust you, he’ll get used to you, and he sleeps as much as I do, I can’t help but wonder what he’ll do with you around and me lying here.

I have always imagined that we’ll have lots more to do but nothing makes me happier than to lie here next to you, reading until we can’t hold up a book, watching a movie and knowing we’ll have to watch the whole thing tomorrow, or listening to our playlist on a Saturday morning for a few hours. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy being in bed for other things and you won’t ever have to worry about a cup of coffee, though I’ll buy you a machine if you like, I’ve never been one to indulge myself.

And maybe I snore, I’m still waiting to confirm that but I look forward to the day we find out, someday, how long until then?

Lesson 101 ~Sometimes I Love You~

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Sometimes it’s smart to keep my mouth shut when it comes to women, especially a woman I haven’t even found yet, maybe she would think I’m insane. “Sometimes I Love You”, and better she never knows but then again as the song goes more than words.

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Lesson 101 ~Sometimes I Love You~

Dear Future Wife,
Sometimes I love you for not making me say it; it’s not that I don’t, it’s not that I don’t want to, need to, if anything I want to believe that those three words matter but they’ll be lost. How can they be lost, I love your inquisitive mind but again it might be too much, just too damn much somedays and I want to say I’m sorry right off the bat.

“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” Love Story

You leave me breathless, that much is true, but sometimes it’s going to be them and no I don’t mean other women… I mean people in general. There will be days when I love you is just me finding my way to the bed we share rather than wanting to be alone. It might be when my voice gives out from singing so loud that my voice gives out, drowning in so many cruel words.

“But everyone knows that a man ain’t suppose to cry, listen.
I gotta cry ’cause cryin’ eases the pain, oh yeah.
People this hurt I feel inside, words can never explain.”
I Wish It Would Rain, by The Temptations (1967)

If I allow you to ever see me like that then is that love or what and it’s okay you don’t have to say anything either because sometimes I don’t have faith in words, yes this coming from a writer you made your husband. You might not hear me, as much as I mutter, and with that inquisitive mind you might want to ask questions, I might even be afraid to answer; the truth will set you free… of the mortal coil. I’m not a drinker, of course, you know that but if I ever pull out a glass or decide to fire up the PS3 or PS4, god knows what number we’re on now, I will return to you a better man and you’re more than welcome to wait.

I’ve left you waiting for a while I think because I’m still looking for the words and “I Love You” let’s just say those words came to soon, too late or were simply wasted and I never would with you, with us, I think the dog will attest to that. They will even be a day I’ll love you for bringing those words out of me as only you can, for being “the air that I breathe” as the song goes from The Hollies, remember.

How I love how you sing to me and you love when I talk to you and believe me when I say, that it is never a sometimes I love you between us, it’s an always unless the following girls walk by just kidding unless… okay, for letting me be me, sometimes I love you because you make me better.

So Love Can Move Mountains

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So did love lift them where they belong and then again people fall in love, though personally I would like to fall in love somewhere it’s warm. So Love Can Move Mountains but first you have to get up and see “The Mountain Between Us” maybe?

Falling in love in the most literal sense, maybe that’s a little bit presumptuous of me but when I first saw the trailer I just thought, don’t let this end with someone floating on a door. If anything it’s Alive meets Blue Lagoon: The Awakening, and just like those people on the mountain believed God was everywhere, I can easily believe love is the same… I’m not any sort of theologian for the record okay.

The movie though was so much more than okay, seeing as how Kate Winslet and Idris Elba, of course, had to carry it alone, it shows how both have come quite a long way, especially considering Kate Winslet had so many people to play off in Titanic. Also, I’ll admit I haven’t seen many movies where Idris Elba was the love interest so this was new and I’ll say he took to it well. To be fair though the “OMG” moment for me was the dog, I don’t want to give anything away but if we’re going to be handing out awards that dog well dogs deserve some. Great movie to be sure, amazingly beautiful.

Now that I’ve done my song and dance for Fandango, is it mean to say that nobody else in this movie will be winning any prizes, not that I’m saying the rest of the cast was bad just no real standouts. Not that I was expecting that because this movie for all intent and purposes is all about the characters Alex Martin and Ben Bass.

Another thing some might ask is how do you make a love story in the snow, though I’m sure Lifetime might have mastered this craft a long time ago or so I assume. I hate being the guy that says, “I saw the movie but I didn’t read the book”, I’m expecting to be disappointed when I finally get around to it but as for this movie, I enjoyed it.

The good news is I can’t call it cliché’ because while I’ve seen these types of elements as I’ve already said I can’t compare it to any one thing. Kate/Alex for me did channel somewhat of a Leo vibe from Titanic and Ethan from Alive (1993), so am I calling Idris, Rose? Probably why they used someone I would consider a man’s man though personally, that’s how I felt about his character, that he was being used, such a way.

In case the trailer didn’t already give it away for you, Alex is on the way to her wedding, Ben is on the way to an important surgery, they end up chartering a plane, such and such pilot and wham they crash into the mountains. Now I see it… the Alive connection and yes I know the Andes was a true story but we have Ben looking after Alex for awhile then she wakes up and it becomes a choice of whether to wait at the crash site or take a chance at finding a road or something. I won’t spell it out because anyone can see where this is going but don’t let predictability stop you from enjoying this film, it has a surprise and a twist a bit.

I was hoping for more from Alex’s fiancé and the only other emotion you feel other than overwhelming love for the dog, is maybe a bit of anger towards certain individuals after everything that happened to Alex. There wasn’t much chemistry between Idris and Kate at first but I can’t decide whether that was the characters or while they picked two big names maybe they didn’t exactly fit, not until the sex scene and as the movie drew to a close. Which brings me back to how that would be accomplished but I won’t spoil that tidbit but get ready.

For most of the movie, Ben was doing the heavy lifting and Alex just had to be the woman behind the man, the voice of encouragement and given the circumstances of the situation I understand it but it still seems like he just needed to say “YES MA’AM” for most of it. There was even the, but you didn’t call, wouldn’t pick up the phone, where all the ladies get to cry, feeling Alex’s pain.

I’ll give it four stars on the grounds that I think the aftermath could have been done better while the ending was surely top notch and while I won’t spoil that you might want to turn around now. I always consider that maybe the problem is me when it comes to these things but with the world being crazier I suppose the fiction needs to be more real if that makes any sense at all.

I won’t say this was my favorite part but the dog and the mountain lion, I swear dogs are man’s and woman’s best friend as he was protecting Alex and they couldn’t give the dog a name? Next would have to be the sex, better than Titanic but leaves much to be desired, no worries if you have to bring the kids along, no nudity or foul language. Last for me was that you didn’t call, you were married debate, men always get blamed for this sort of thing but women give off signals really.

Speaking of women, even lost in the mountains, there is no end to being nosy, it figures they would have all the time in the world to talk but can a man not have anything? A working cell phone, I mean he’s a doctor, she’s a war journalist so yeah they would have the best equipment but most phones wouldn’t last a day, three tops but they were looking for a signal how long and the phone was good. What happened to everybody else… this was Ben and Alex’s story and of course, they would be the only two in the world that would understand but it’s like they just made everyone disappear so was this a good thing or a bad thing I wonder?

Nothing truly bad about the movie, I’d easily go see it again, just to feel that rush to come home and hug my dog, and they’ll be plenty of women asking would you do that for me to their men. Love lift us up where we belong, not that high, four stars out of five and I believe love can move mountains, take the step, See The Mountain Between Us.

Placating My Sugar

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Rage, rage, against the dying of the light they say and I snuff it out willing, well not really haven’t had such an occasion in years, in probably a decade even but the wishes keep coming. “Placating My Sugar”, I try, another day would be easier

They tell me to hurry up
from since I was tied
to a grasshopper, but they insist.

Only I have been hushed
for so long, I don’t know if inside
it’s impossible, immoral, illegal, insane, a wish

As my poor heart was crushed,
But nowhere to run to baby, nowhere to hide
and I’m stuck with this

Just a word too much;
suicide it’s a suicide
waiting to blow, waiting for Miss?

What’s her name, what’s mine, in the mush
being melted damn near fried
by how many candles, day one ish

A touch of love, of death, or a girl at the sagebrush
Yet I am preoccupied
blowing out this yearly dish
One more sugar rush

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Bark Check

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All it took was a dog walking alone in the street, the little doggie I so wanted to save and I don’t know where he is now, how about my own four-legged son who this moment is lying under my feet waiting. “Bark Check” how I have gone looking for love

And I never ask the stars’ advice
on what to wish for or dream up next
I simply take it to the bank

neglecting to take the time to thank
God… people… my puppy dog once or twice
who never asks and I could never expect

to try, but somehow we both collect
not a dollar, rupee or franc.
No, it’s not some sort of prize

of life or waiting in some paradise.
It’s in every moment it doesn’t need a sec
a minute, a vault or a tank’s

protection, though my little friend you never shrank
from I love you, our names both blank
as love is without a price.
So what the heck
a dog’s love is a blank check

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Lesson 057 ~Love A Blank Check~

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Would you leave a million dollars on the street, what would my other million think, well actually Braxton is priceless but I do feel sorry for that dog, and that’s a whole lot of love? “Love A Blank Check”, well I probably would right?

Sunday, August 27, 2017

Lesson 057 ~Love A Blank Check~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear but I did see a million dollars in the middle of the street to today… yeah, probably plenty more than that but what’s important is I didn’t pick it up. Now before you say I’m crazier than usual let’s get to the lesson that’s I would love a blank check.

Ever heard the expression “if wishes were horses…” I’m sure there are plenty of little girls wishing for a horse, now all I ever wished for once upon a time was a dog and through a twist a fate, I got Braxton. Now of course when I started growing up I wanted even more but how I never realized that a dog is a blank check when it comes to love. I mean I never dreamed I could love anything so much and that something would love me so strongly.

“You mustn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.” Eames (Tom Hardy), Inception (2010)

That’s why I will never understand how people just let dogs go, I mean all the love in the world that comes to you on four legs, wagging its tail, wanting nothing more than to be with you. I’m sure I’ve told a Braxton story here or there, the first time my sister brought him in and I asked myself what I was willing to do for him and the answer was anything, not a trace of doubt in my mind. All that love for the taking and I wonder what I ever did to earn it, love wasn’t a prize, it wasn’t something I could buy, though I’ve had $500 offers for Braxton, humanity has always been so silly.

I’ve read “A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than himself” and it just gets me to thinking how I’ve been feeling, crying out for love and he’s like “I’m right here dad”. Again silly, but I like to imagine he would call me dad, I wonder what dogs call their humans, I’m sure he’s only heard my name from my usual guest coming by.

“Welcome to Costco, I love you. Welcome to Costco, I love you. Welcome to Costco, I love you. Welcome to Costco, I love you.” Idiocracy

Love is a fan club, where we are both the idol and the fans, which is probably why I’m looking for something so much deeper, and no I’m not talking about marriage, yet, though if Sergeant Laureline (Cara Delevingne) or let’s face it, Jennifer Lawrence… I’m sure you’re wondering why I am in such a lovey-dovey mood, I’m still trying to love myself while the getting is good, still high.

“He comes in through the kitchen door, wants my dinner and then some more, he’s my idol and I’m his fan, that’s my Back Door Man” sung by Vanita Smythe – Back Door Man (1946)

For the longest I’ve been more of the fan, I did mention Jennifer Lawrence but let me say both idol and fan can be driven crazy, another trait I’m learning is our nonstop vanity. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery and all that and being a fan right now I can say with absolute certainty, I don’t care if you don’t like me, I love me, yeah I have been watching too much YouTube lately. Personally, though I have always found it annoying how people say love so casually, I love me for the moment, I love Braxton, I’ll always love my momma but a short list ain’t it?

Being an idol though has it’s draw backs, like with dogs I hate disappointing Braxton, or “Indiana Gone” nobody else really looks at me that way I suppose. Being a dominant sort of means you want to be an idol, and that takes a submissive, the ironic thing is, your servant becomes your master too, now I’m no Christian Grey… don’t want to be except with my bank account. I still find it so funny though, when people turn into Stewie Griffin and act like you’re some holy roller whose life meaning is to worship them other than hey so you’re a hot chick, nice.

“Understand this, okay? I absolutely, positively cannot be the only person falling head over heels in love in this relationship. It’s got to be mutual.” – The Big Hit (1998)

Around this month there has been nothing but girls that want to do me, girls I want to do, and those that think too highly of themselves not that can blame them, I like loving myself and no I did not mean it like that Luna. The thing is when it comes to being a fan or an idol you constantly have to reinforce it like I said Braxton loves me whatever and I’m the same but people are trickier.

“When you like a flower, you just pluck it. But when you love a flower, you water it daily… One who understand this, understand life….”

I wish I could say something so beautiful Lady Lu, but I’ll say that like is your job and love is what you would make a career and for now I have quit my job… careful just in case I have any work friends here. I’ve told you what I believe love happens to be but I will say I was rather impetuous in my youth when I used that word, so I rarely do, except to someone who can’t speak a word to me.

Stupid things I have done when was being a dog, told you about the “Iron Maiden” there was the girl I wrote a song for, one of my girls of the week years back. I bought a porn star a lot of stuff that never got there, her fault, Amazon wish list right, of course, there was tons of poetry too. How about “Wonderland” haven’t scared her off but love can be profitable like too, I bought “M Anime” a katana sword, and I wanted to sleep with her once upon a time, not anymore, yeah I like my friends.

Yesterday I was thinking about insults, not against me for once but I was thinking the worst thing you can say to a straight woman who thinks she’s the shit is yeah you make me want to go gay… how many people have I offended with that? I’ve gotten a few gay offers but yeah I know what I want anyway, so I’m thinking you know me and the dirty talk about calling a woman a bitch and what has today been about, dogs, Braxton is no bitch but a guy calls a girl a bitch but he loves dogs. God that stupid song from Destiny’s Child “Say My Name” but isn’t that inspiration, isn’t that love like is thinking the song up, love is listening to it, making a mental note to download it, and it popping up on your playlist sometimes just because.

“Accidents ambush the unsuspecting, often violently, just like love.”
― from Andrew Davidson, The Gargoyle

So what have we learned today other than the fact that I have a whole lot of love and I’m no thief, okay he was a big dog, a bit too much love for me maybe Braxton is plenty but I have a big heart maybe. I don’t think love is a prize or something that must be earned, all we are waiting for is the right combination, is that deep, Love A Blank Check.

I Will Have No Fear