Tag: Rules

Episode 197 ~Women Make The World Harder~

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Whenever a woman is coming over I’m reminded of that concept “Jesus is coming, look busy” it’s like the end of days maybe, and that’s if things get that far, past twenty seconds of courage, the daily grind, life. Women Make The World Harder

Monday, January 14, 2019

Episode 197 ~Women Make The World Harder~

Sixty-Seventh Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, keep your zipper closed no matter how hard “IT” gets and no I’m not thinking about the clown, learn to live “Bird Box” style, and maybe I misunderstood in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. You also must remain a hard ass and by that I mean keep your wallet full and keep your mouth shut and grind; my back pockets are for my wallet, some work gear, and some wound up earphones most days.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ce1NYsFPzXI

Last time I checked Eric Thomas has a woman but here’s the thing Madam Justice, I have a hard time breathing regardless of what I do but between the day job and women… one they call making a living, the other produces life. I make women out to be, princess and queens, angels and goddesses, I find myself willing to do anything and haunted by my decisions and wonder why. Now I want to be a man. Indeed a wise black man so I’ll quote The Fresh Prince, Girls Ain’t Nothing But Trouble, I have watched many a great man fall to perdition, not saying they didn’t deserve it but the innocent as well Justice.

Falling in love doesn’t take a brain, you’re libel to bust a gut, and you know how much I hate playing the fool which explains some and a man must also be brave, have huge stones or can we say bigger balls. Do you think me bitter Madam Justice, I don’t like the taste of 5-hour ENERGY, but I still take it every day and so it is with women, as the song goes, I’m a little Drunk On You which ironically makes me softer and more open. Doesn’t this lead me back to the MILFS though or any woman for that matter, hell Dennis Hof wanted independent women, but he also spoiled them rotten, and at the same time he bought houses galore, he had the Midas Touch, indeed plenty of cold hard cash.

Women make a man hardheaded in more ways than one, in body, bullion, battle, and probably a million other things all so we can take them to bed, in the belief that we will breathe a little easier, and I won’t lie Madam Justice, one day I want to be a dad. What doesn’t “end” you, makes you stronger and with a woman sigh what does one man have to fear; I rather face Ryuukotsusei, hell maybe I am him or is being a Dominant worse, that sends the girls running, and the planet spinning, Women Make The World Harder.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 190 ~Do You Step Or Leap~

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Dennis Hof might not be the man to follow, especially since he passed R.I.P. and Mario was always bumping his head, but when it came to finding a princess, well men always tumble down the bunny trail, warp pipe, or rabbit hole. “Do You Step Or Leap.”

Monday, January 7, 2019

Episode 190 ~Do You Step Or Leap~

Sixty-Sixth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, look before you leap, when asking out a pretty MILF, making a deal with another, or giving in to my temptation of negativity, and other than my hiatus from porn, “bad vibes” are right there. I learned a lesson Madam Justice, not I made a mistake, but I accepted, I take responsibility, and I move on and today is a beautiful day for a walk or any day, right?

“There’s a saying, the pessimist looks down and hits his head.
The optimist looks up and loses his footing.
The realist looks forward and adjusts his path accordingly.” King Ezekiel

As I continue my writing endeavors, I learn to express myself, to make myself sharper, and to become oriented in the particulars, what is it they say about the devil and the details; shouldn’t I be proud though that I took the step? Much like “Alice In Wonderland” tumbling after crumbling, and grumbling (CAREFUL) as you say Madam Justice but I’m more interested in the movement, and that is a good thing. Last night I stepped into relaxation, I got out of bed and read for an hour and a half this morning, I walked into the dining room, rather than lie back in bed, I am moving forward today.

I admire B III with his leaping, talk about wanting something so much, whether it be a treat, a chance at sunlight and how about all the times he decides to get out of bed, my son knows how to live. At the moment I’m waiting for my next leap, honestly, last week was fun, but I wonder what excitement I’ll find in the next few days… might I have another model, I’m enjoying reading “The Art of the Pimp,” and I have a new playlist to check out. Madam Justice I know you think I have leaped right into this positivity kick right, but again if I can give up the “adult entertainment” well minus the lesson I learned though at present I haven’t watched all day, I’m awake and looking to stay so.

I’m alive, and I don’t want to stand still, I say it every day, my steps are directed towards my goal, my fortune, and there is never a middle ground with me, I’m stepping, I’m running, and this isn’t fear Justice. On the other hand, much like my little boy I’m leaping and hoping to find the next comfy spot, looking to grow bigger and stronger; my superpower for today lies in choice so decide Do You Step Or Leap.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 183 ~One Tough Act To Follow~

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As the song goes, The Man Right Here got plenty lost this year, and its too easy to follow someone who has no idea where they are going isn’t it; so how do I know the right way… my comfort zone is hard enough. “One Tough Act To Follow”

Monday, December 31, 2018

Episode 183 ~One Tough Act To Follow~

Sixty-Fifth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, now that I officially have eight months or I will in the frame of a few short hours and how have I spent this New Year’s Eve so far, well it wasn’t cleaning the house, and you know what that means. Hell at this time last year, I was working that much harder, so I’m not sure whether to be glad or sad about today’s turn of events; was I a better man, then or now dear Madam Justice?

The fact of the matter is already I’m one tough act to follow, of course, you’ve seen that in my many blog posts these days, where I continually ask myself, “where the Hell am I going” and with every conversation it’s the same, I Will Have No Fear, wherever that place is. How about the expression, lead, follow or get out the way, one more reason I move so fast as if I’m in some horror movie, but I shouldn’t flatter myself, the world is full of monsters, and honestly I played the victim for so long I don’t know how to stop. If I want something where nobody can follow me, it has to be making myself, well I can’t even speculate, and maybe I should resolve to stop being the number one bully kicking my ass (Language) noted.

Thinking on my resolutions are the same as last year’s which asks the question, did I go anywhere for 2017-2018; one and six, the only two that I kept out of ten and wouldn’t you know it I got two feet. Now since it’s blatantly obvious I’m not going anywhere tonight, I can contemplate the question, who will I be in this coming year and I don’t even need Idiocracy to tell me that, I’m sick of getting out of the way and who do I know worth following… better yet don’t answer that, I’m a guy. At the end of the day indeed, I’m only “trying” to outrun myself, my past and the future looks, well… let’s say I’m not closing my eyes and it hasn’t turned into Bird Box, yet; it’s everywhere already.

Should I believe, this passing year has made me harder, stronger, smarter, more like whatever doesn’t kill me better start running but is that because I’m predator or prey… honestly, I wish I could promise you I would be less cynical. I want every smile to be genuine, every laugh not to be noise to cover something else, all my fears to be conquered, Happy New Year Madam Justice but becoming such a man sigh One Tough Act To Follow.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 176 ~With A Little Faith Maybe~

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Merry Christmas that is if Santa finds his way in, does he work for Amazon, is he delivering a pizza, sure he’s magic right, though it hasn’t hit me on today of all days, where once was the faith of a child is now this. With A Little Faith Maybe

Monday, December 24, 2018

Episode 176 ~With A Little Faith Maybe~

Sixty-Fourth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, wasn’t it only yesterday I mentioned the Prosperity Ministry, how about finally publishing a book, and thinking about today I could create a holiday or merely exploit one. Before I forget, because I surely will, it’s Christmas Eve, which means tomorrow… ah Christmas, talk about having faith when I was a child, I believed in a fat man with presents, that is until I thought my parents wouldn’t know I played with my Nintendo 64 and put it back in the box and I knew I wouldn’t feel like this, no I loved Christmas.

Notice that I said I loved Christmas, I never loved Jesus or God, even when I worked for that Christian bookstore and had my “incredible” religious phase, the “Left Behind” series, hell Madam Justice all my work in Erotica has undertones of Christianity. Once upon a time I believed we would have flying cars by now and all sorts of technology… well greater I suppose but then I look at people, I look at myself. As far as Christmas goes, I want to have faith that I’ll get everything I want tonight, a clean house; I need to talk to you and the Future Wife, and tomorrow… well, that explains why I feel sick, why I’m afraid gasps new people.

Is that my problem with the holidays, with almost every single one, with a little faith maybe we are meant to be new people, Christmas we’re supposed to become Santa, New Year’s we have a chance at a clean slate, Valentine’s, etc. Every morning I wake up wanting to be someone better I know that but according to one of my Motivations, faith without work is dead, but you need that belief to get started idea vs. execution. I have thoughts, wishes, and hopes but they all get jumbled around until it’s a mess of grey and that is the road I tread right now.

Madam Justice I am far from believing in Santa on his sleigh in the skies above, I don’t think I’m walking in the sand with Jesus and do we need to talk about my swimming aversion, wisdom, and success as much as you want air… I believe that we are never alone in this vastness, that at this moment there is some killer virus waiting to get out, how about that The Purge can happen and we may face a zombie apocalypse, so why not look to me to live; Merry Christmas Eve, Merry Christmas, With A Little Faith Maybe.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 169 ~I Want To Be Sedated~

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I might as well have taken a job as a mannequin, ask for me tomorrow and I will be a grave man, and today I wish I was invisible or maybe I should have found somebody to cover for me. I Want To Be Sedated, and yeah I probably need a doctor.

Monday, December 17, 2018

Episode 169 ~I Want To Be Sedated~

Sixty-Third Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, stay awake, if that means downing energy shots, embracing the fear, even crying; Stop Crying Your Heart Out, would say to suggest I got a heart, guts, or balls.

When you’re asleep, the monsters can’t get you, and with all the nightmares I have, not one of them compares to living them when I’m awake which brings us to today and while I want to cuss or use many words synonymous with my name, let’s Pretend We’re Dead. How I wish I were so I wasn’t there, a ghost at least, invisible perhaps; could I be deaf so I don’t hear my foot kicking my ass, maybe I didn’t understand my manager, probably I didn’t hear that girl; it was a rather innocuous request, give her something to remove hard tags. You know Justice I think I finally understand something about my parents… when they would give me those pills before I began flushing them down the toilet, I believe they wanted me to be normal but you know what went wrong, they killed who I was without question.

“Come on – You eat these. Eat these.”

“Are you trying to kill me?”

“No, sweetheart. I’m making you not care.” 28 Days Later (2002)

I’ve told you before, I never got bedtime stories, during the spring and summer I got Benadryl for allergies and slept forever, at school I lost myself in novels, at work its music, other times it was meds, sometimes beatings, all to kill who I am. What about religion, what about writing? Every move I make is on the grounds of not having to face the coward I see staring back at me, so scared to ask someone their name.

Some find solace in alcohol, some in food, some in facing death but honestly when being asked to go to the front of the store and ask a question makes me want to fall? Hell Madam Justice, I have rarely taken the highway, I don’t look at fast-food menus, I wash my car rather than go and get it cleaned. Okay, this sounds more like Inspector Echo’s territory, but the fact of the matter is, well, one of my Motivations talked about how many decisions we make per day, good ones anyway and how many of mine go to how to keep breathing you understand.

How about what they call Confidence you say, that’s the real sedation, talk about not caring and staying wide awake, immunity to the world but that cure is beyond me at this point, but to quote another one of my Motivations “It’s Possible.” I never forget you understand but I can numb myself to plenty, you still remember “that girl” putting my name on her blog, the family that probably wants me dead and I’m in for trouble at work tomorrow gulp, but I’m awake, I know, feel, and believe, I Want To Be Sedated.

‘With endless love, we left you sleeping. Now we’re sleeping with you. Don’t wake up. X’” 28 Days Later (2002)

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 162 ~I’m Only Human After All~

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It’s the most “beautiful” time of the year, baby it’s cold outside, and do I look like Charlie Brown, I doubt he would change places with me today, nobody would and of course, count my blessings, be grateful, don’t complain. I’m Only Human After All.

Monday, December 10, 2018

Episode 162 ~I’m Only Human After All~

Sixty-Second Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, to keep it, find sin and indulge but if you want to give it away, find virtue and exploit the Hell out of it; now I have always been one for the readings of Le Marquis de Sade and LUST, but that makes me a monster… maybe? If I wanted to be more human, I think the sin I’m looking for is GREED, or at least that’s most people because it gives us time to think about what we truly want to be or at least keeps us from getting into worse or dead.

“Lust is to the other passions what the nervous fluid is to life; it supports them all, lends strength to them all ambition, cruelty, avarice, revenge, are all founded on lust.” ― Marquis de Sade

Considering what I think about humanity, namely that of all life forms humans are the “worse” all I’ve ever wanted to know is my manhood and days like today I’m realize that me even wanting that is a joke. I can already tell you today my reason for being a writer… nobody ever lets me answer anything; like I said greedy but for air, and while I want money, maidens, my dog sigh, I wonder why I can’t fucking breathe most days and yes Justice, the “language.” I don’t wonder what it means to be human or even alive most days I’m Only Surviving, After All, that’s what needs doing these days but being a workhorse, a victim, some pain does not sit well ever.

“If you want a vision of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face – forever.”
George Orwell

I must sound like I’m repeating myself which is another reason for these rules and my want to be, hell I don’t know what, monsters don’t live with the consequences, “B III” shows me that animals do remember, and words are immortal again why I’m writing. One more reason, because I don’t have to get up, I hurt my ankle today getting out of the way of some girl; knowing how I disrespect women writing-wise on the daily “men” are told we are inferior to women… okay, that’s opening a can of worms but is that not what I am? An infection, an ant, a rodent, another way of explaining my nightmares, of course, I was listening to my Motivations, and they talk about what a miracle human beings are, then I remember politicians, parents, people in general and they put the blame on me.

Madam Justice, either I’m not human at all, and I’m getting sick and tired of everyone well… you know I don’t have any answers, but I wish they would give me the benefit of one breath to figure it out, not that I’m doing myself any favors sleeping all the time. On the other hand, I am human, and people are far too concerned with being miracles, children of God, icons, whatever and they don’t need to know ever when they see me, I’m nothing, I’m Only Human After All.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 155 ~Are You There, Break Through~

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Maybe I miss cracking open a good book, eight hours a day doing something you hate is enough to anesthetize one’s heart, and that’s great to keep the monster locked up in his cage I suppose. Are You There, Break Through.

Monday, December 3, 2018

Episode 155 ~Are You There, Break Through~

Sixty-First Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, don’t rob a bank, don’t sell off the things I enjoy, and while I liked gambling on horse races once upon a time, that didn’t exactly pan out in the end. Now I take this rule in several different ways but let’s try two tonight, one is something, someone getting to me and the other is me “trying” to get somewhere but which do you prefer dear Madam Justice?

“My wife used to say I’m a hard man to know. Like a closed book. Complained about it all the time. She was beautiful. God, I loved her. I just didn’t know how to show it, that’s all.” Andy Dufresne ― The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

Do you know why I admire heroines so much, Katniss Everdeen, Beatrice “Tris” Prior, Ember Miller, MacKayla Lane, how about the dozens I read about in erotica, these are women who test the hardest of men and no matter what they take what these men dish out and keep coming. You know what makes me hard Madam Justice and I mean that in a completely non-sexual way… I can already read my tombstone; I need a woman that can break through a mausoleum, walk through hell, I’m the dragon waiting for the princess to “keep” the psycho with the basement, the zombie that wants to come back to life. Damn if that’s not a good story idea and speaking of which why do you think all my stories take place at the end of things; if I was the only boy and she was the only girl sort of way.

“Hearts are wild creatures, that’s why our ribs are cages.”
― Elalusz, Found On Goodreads

Now on the other side of the pillow, when I’m not locked in some stupor, I always feel like I’m on the verge of exploding in rage, bawling my eyes out, or any number of things I want to keep up inside. Take “The Girl in 6E” for example; hell writing is only one more cage to confine myself in, cover to cover as it were because if I let any of those inspirations out; Shusaku, Isaku, Kisaku, Mold by Barbell, Vault Girls… “Okay” asked do I fear failure, far from it, if I fear anything it’s that once I let this all go, who I am will disappear forever because it’s as if I need to destroy myself so others can’t do it ever.

I’ve said it enough, I’m a greedy S.O.B. be it pleasure, pain, and power, the thing is I don’t dare to open that door at all Madam Justice, I don’t fear the monster, I want to join him more than anything, but it’s the difference between Alessa and Sharon… (Silent Hill, I use a lot of heroines don’t I?) So I’m sitting here wanting something to come through, but I don’t know if it will be good or evil, right or wrong, choose the form of the destructor and all, what’s one more reference, Destroyed by Pepper Winters “Hazel and Roan” to have such control but something is coming honestly, Are You There, Break Through.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Ctgn7kKYHo

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 148 ~Push It To The Limit~

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Writing has become my cocaine or maybe my “personal brand of heroin,” but I intend to kick by the end of this month and go right back to being lazy about blogging and maybe getting a few more hours sleep but first 50,000 words. “Push It To The Limit”

Monday, November 26, 2018

Episode 148 ~Push It To The Limit~

Sixtieth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars but in truth, I have no limit, yeah my motivations are still kicking in, the motivation to tell the General Manager if he wants Thursday he must give me Saturday, how about to finish NaNoWriMo and of course the war continues to rage on. I think it’s funny how people are supposed to be limitless when it comes to the pain but when it comes to pleasure and power, it’s always in moderation I see more often than not.

I should be talking to Lady Sophia, but even now I feel pretty lazy as if I should press on with my novel especially since I lost Thursday but you know I have a limit when it comes to people (currently 0) and Saturday was going to be way too much. Speaking of which, *sigh* what did I mention about the war… the TERRO Ant baits said they should take about two weeks, so we are waiting into the second week, and again I was ready to announce victory Saturday. How about how many ways there are to distract myself from what I should be finishing, I love “B III,” you know “The Walking Dead” has stuck with me and of course my motivations to become that much more motivated.

Now If I Had $1,000,000 would I be happy and I know, sadly Madam Justice I wouldn’t be so what if I had more, where would the limit exist; here I am trying to produce fifty-thousand words in a month and not one of them would get me to HAPPY, LOVE or POWER. Still, I’m willing to “try” for a future I have mortgaged a month of my life, for pests I have spent maybe fifteen bucks, for my son… I have no clue what I have spent or what I wouldn’t be willing to do for his life. One more concept, we need limits, I need NaNoWriMo’s to get my novel done, we need laws because most people are stupid and cruel, I need “Triple B’s” to keep from imposing a cap on my life for the moment at least; is that crazy Justice?

This whole conversation would have to be so, but Tony Montana didn’t see any limits and look how he turned out; oh yeah probably not that great of an example but how for a moment in time he reached and kept going. Anyway, I have it pretty easy don’t I, one year YouTube videos, the next, my blog, three NaNoWriMo victories, my kid’s alive, so this life that I live, Push It To The Limit.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vT8OU5WtfkQ

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 141 ~Making Money Is Always Necessary~

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One guy pimped women, another shared stories, and if you asked me what my dream job is, I’d like to combine the two, more so have a brothel of storybook heroines “Giggity,” but women want the guys on the covers. “Making Money Is Always Necessary

Monday, November 19, 2018

Episode 141 ~Making Money Is Always Necessary~

Fifty-Ninth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars; the perfect question for this week but I can answer how not to, stacking boxes for four hours, hard-tagging shoes for a couple more, buying McDonald’s, and killing off what remains of the ant population both outside and in. On the other hand, somebody is making millions, billions probably not lifting a damn finger and my fingers today black keys, black “ants,” and perhaps being a black man is hard enough, but I don’t want to get all racial in this piece, how else does one Run This Town?

Didn’t somebody once say that it takes money to make money, not if you’re a woman; is today going to be a political issue; I need something with which to ignore the coming holiday known as Black Friday. Can you imagine the people we would be if money weren’t always the issue, perhaps it would be more so if I had plenty of it but I would trade the problems of never having enough for the single concept of wanting that much more? I think I’ve spoken plenty about what I would like to do to get it; I just put another 1800 words down for my novel titled Pay Two Plague. I still want to acquire a brothel, and why I don’t have the body, and a harem takes time, “B III’s” face could sell anything, the whole world loves him, okay this street.

So am I making any real plans, you know that despite writing down my goal every single day there are times I forget about it, I think it’s what they call, the forests for the trees, struggling for the day instead of September next year (goal date). I would honestly have something to celebrate because the most I have to look forward to this week would have to be free food and several others are looking at that with gratefulness in their hearts. I’m sure my pests are all kinds of grateful ha, and as for me, I am thankful. Mostly it’s that moment I’m leaving the day job, and I didn’t get fired, when I finish the bare minimum writing, for not having to live a few hours though I’m still breathing on my pillow, of course, Madam Justice.

I’ve said this before, that I wish I had the same drive that has me rushing out of the house for the day job in every other facet of my life but instead I’m like one of these little ants crawling, ingesting poison, watching other’s like me dropping, with some dark face glad for my demise. Someday I’ll stop talking about this, like Detroit: Become Human, NaNoWriMo is only a month and the worst day in store history will end but like The Purge *sigh* Making Money Is Always Necessary.

“If Purging really worked if everyone actually got better wouldn’t we stop needing it?” Penelope Guerrero, The Purge (TV Series)

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 134 ~It’s Okay If They Don’t…~

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Why do people even care, is my face not enough, my anxiety, how I move or talk, and today I’m getting all these personal questions, and I would say I don’t want to talk about me because Hell the don’t get me. “It’s Okay If They Don’t.”

Monday, November 12, 2018

Episode 134 ~It’s Okay If They Don’t…~

Fifty-Eighth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars? If anything don’t apologize for how you make it, Tupac Shakur said it best “whether rhyme or crime I’m getting mine” but here’s the thing, if you’re going to be a worker be the best damn worker. If you’re a thief, then accept it; pornstar, writer, jock, don’t be sorry. My General Manager told me once that people didn’t get me *sigh* I should have said “where in my job description it is written I have to help people understand me hmm” so don’t.

Being honest this is the second half of Rule 057: They Don’t Understand Your Shit; so the premise is that people won’t understand you regardless of it being good, bad, or otherwise, you have to be okay with you. If it means, you have to cut people out, or they walk away, don’t change for nobody; my “father” used to tell me to be myself, and he didn’t like me, to this day I meet people he knows, and they say “I didn’t know he had a son.” I’ve grown to accept my status as an “Unperson,” and the thing is people don’t understand why anyone doesn’t want to be like them; have you seen how many “Trumps” we have?

I’ve also told you about how tired I am saying sorry because in a way it merely serves as another excuse for things that I know nothing about and even if I do we all handle things differently than others. One of my coworkers was telling me about his dog passing away, his love leaving him, his truck finally giving up on him and what am I supposed to say, what knowledge can I impart *ahem* Will’s Writings, Witticisms, And Wisdom, ironic hmm? If something happened to “B III” the last thing I would be doing is working, can’t say a girl I love has left me, I’m perpetually studying that word, and I have two cars and as long as I’m not staying at my parents’ house on Thanksgiving…

Finally, it’s the idea that people aren’t okay with themselves and their “Stuff And Thangs” so they have to make something wrong with you, so they appear normal, and the sad thing is, the world in which I have come to understand makes them “Average Joes.” The big question, is it okay if I don’t understand me, do I understand my shit; my answer is a resounding “Hell to da Naw,” and one day I have to look into the mirror and say, it’s okay if I don’t know and It’s Okay If They Don’t…

I Will Have No Fear