Episode 274 ~Necessity The Mother Of Invention~

The universe brings what you need, I said I needed time, to relax, and the grind and while I’m not going into everything I did today, five-thousand words needed to get done and my novel is starting. “Necessity The Mother Of Invention.”

Monday, April 1, 2019

Episode 274 ~Necessity The Mother Of Invention~

Seventy-Eighth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, as you know, I’m discovering new teachers daily. How I wish I collected mentors as fast as I collect pictures of breasts. Only it was two pairs sent only to me that made me break my fast. Not that I’m getting down on myself, positive vibes, good thoughts. Like The Secret, teaches. Still, like porn it’s unavoidable. It’s like my anger at the day job as always Madam Justice.

Becoming a better “person” is necessary, and so I seek out the tools to get it done. Now I know you’re not Lady Sophia. Nevertheless, The Secret continues to speak about the law of attraction. As I said yesterday, things I once thought impossible have now “manifested” here. As far as my inventions, I’m still working around and without energy shots. So sometimes I keep my mouth full of candy. Can’t start choking, silences a few choice words on my tongue and a lot tastier. I should also add that today is the first day of Camp NaNoWriMo. Today was quite a brainstorm finding something to write now. Want to talk about my goals, Fifty Thousand Words sounds about right?

What about all that time I spent writing that story about TURKEYS taking over the world. All that was all written by hand somehow. However haven’t I said, that writing will be my escape. Now turkeys can’t fly; yes, I looked up that question. Do you think that God created Jesus to understand humanity? To know life one must experience this our human condition? No, I’m still not a Christian believer. From now on I’m a believer in me? Didn’t I say yesterday that I would; damn, you see this goes back to all these new teachers. The Secret teaches one to FEEL. Only Hemingway will still flag me for being unsure of myself always.

To be a better man Madam Justice, every week it’s at the top of the list. Another teacher suggests that writing those things down is terrible. I should take on the concept of Pinterest, Spotify, or YouTube. What I see, hear, and speak the most is what comes through no doubt. I can realize the value of meditation in my daily grind Justice. There’s a need for that true silence for a world full of noise that fills your head. I write every day, so I can one day spend my time sleeping without a care in life. Whatever it is that I need to win at life finally. It’s as “THEY” say Madam Justice, Necessity The Mother Of Invention.

“You will attract everything that you require” ― The Secret

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 073 ~Rage Against The Will~

This song says “love is the answer” but that will be true when there’s no one left to hate and on the day to day I find only hatred and no I ain’t scared of no sheet, no confederate flag, or swastika, no my enemy is my own. Rage Against The Will

Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Episode 073 ~Rage Against The Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
Give Me One Reason not to because I have said before like the “Lord Of War” you can’t fight your biology; to think last week it was a crime that scared me to death and this week it’s a crime of death, and I am not afraid. Maybe I should be but I can’t, and that’s my first sin, the fact that I want this more than anything, my blood to boil, to burn, and indeed want to breathe, believe in RAGE.

Rage
Everywhere
I feel it
Can’t help it
It burns
Through my heart
And my soul

Rage
Consumes me
Every look
Every smile
I want it done
Tears
Don’t fall

Rage
The pain
Insane
I must be
Death
Theirs or mine
Don’t care

Rage
Such a
Misery (the poem RAGE)

Like sex it’s a biological imperative and especially in America a more socially acceptable one, nearly once a week it overcomes someone for one reason or another so what is that for me, you want to know, do you honestly, because none of them do. Every work day I have people coming up to me asking how I’m doing but today there was nothing, maybe they could sense it, I know I still do, and like sex, I know neither, sin, satiation, or satisfaction. So why do I feel this way… some say laughter is one great medicine and no I won’t sit here and say don’t laugh, hell Inspector Echo it’s my best form of camouflage, I type out LOL a dozen times minimum, I might indeed mean it, I even call myself Le Marquis De Joker on occasion…

And I would call it a plague
how this fever infects
me, I sweat

summoning up the blood
which can never assuage
the disgust, the dirt, my name is mud.

Better though, tears for fears,
than this need to purge, to clear.
I lock the monster in its cage

the white walls of the page.
A mad world of ink,
kink, mystique, doublethink

Don’t rage, rage (the poem Vial Rage)

“Oh yeah! I love jokes! I love all kinds of jokes. But you know what I don’t like? I don’t like people trying to kill me, hurting my family and my friends, and destroying the whole world as I know it. That just doesn’t sit well with me.” Toys (1992)

“If you ever loved me, don’t rob me of my hate. It’s all I have.” The Count of Monte Cristo

My second crime today is the fact that I have let this go on for too damn long, in the name of getting along, of professionalism, of attempting to be a decent human being, see I learned something today, these aren’t people I’m dealing with now. I swear I would make a great Neo-Nazi or KKK member because I was ready to scream… okay speaking of crimes, that might account for hate speech and nobody reads this anyway but again being reasonable. Lastly, when did this start, you know Inspector Echo I have no problem giving orders, but I am not an ignorant leader, and if there is one thing in this great big world I can’t stand it’s looking, feeling, and knowing, I’m STUPID.

Stupidity my greatest sin of all, so no Inspector Echo you don’t have to forgive me for my rage, no I’ll happily go to Hell for that, but I apologize for the time, for wanting these motherfucking moronic assholes to die (nothing racial there right) and for being so stupid, I Rage Against The Will.

“Dear Lord, Please forgive us for all the sins we have brought upon us. And look down upon us with forgiveness for the sins we will have in the future. I know you understand that niggas ain’t perfect, but we try lord. We try to keep our heads up in bad times. This is a bad time, show us the way. And if you can’t show us the way, then forgive us for being lost.” Sweet Pea, Baby Boy (2001)

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 066 ~The Will Of Law~

If you’re reading this, then I’m a paranoid loon, I swear in the era of the #MeToo; when girls want to be pretty but don’t you dare look, when you skip a porno website for Pinterest and feel a million times worse. The Will Of Law.

Wednesday, September 5, 2018

Episode 066 ~The Will Of Law~

Forgive Me Echo,
Give Me One Reason not to get arrested other than the fact that “The Day” is bad enough as is, I’m an adult, and I don’t want to see any new improvements in police vehicles… been there, done that. Somehow or another I needed to make this week worse for myself, but at least I’ll get busted at the house or the library, I couldn’t take it at work, damn this FEAR and damn Pinterest but how shall I explain this time?

Anything I say will be reminiscent of the Harmonic War, haven’t thought about that since forever and every day this week, I’ve thought about the police, perhaps my first sin is that of contemplating suicide, a knife in my neck… the prison system in America, terrifying. My second sin is giving into temptation or again the fear, so much for NO FAP, but if I were sticking to that I wouldn’t have so much anxiety and stress but oh no I have imagination, and that is not a good thing. Okay, so what did I do… *sigh* Fear The Walking Dead, I have a Pinterest board featuring the ladies of the apocalypse, and Alycia Debnam-Carey is one of my favorites.

Season 4 Episode 10 “Close Your Eyes” Alycia stars with the “little bitch” (I didn’t call her that, Skybound reactors did so there) a.k.a. Charlie, Alexa Nisenson so, I’m adding to my board and Alycia gets me in a mood, which leads to “edging” and so I see a Pinterest lookup feature, of course, it looks up Alycia and Alexa. I’m going to look up pictures, this is Pinterest we’re talking about and wham I get hit with one of those warnings that lets you know you’re honestly skeevy, haven’t I spoken about words you can’t use in particular company, and a picture is worth; who knows now just saying.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have some fakes of Alycia but this warning freaked me out and despite any picture, no women, no nothing, origami paper shapes I meant to send to “Cherry” since she likes them this warning kept popping up. Now was it a fluke, I’ve had some tech issues lately but how I would want to quit having nightmares of the Catholic Church or Chris Hansen, because of a full grown woman of legal age and a young actress that starred with her seriously.

Alycia Debnam-Carey And Alexa Nisenson

I’ve got about an hour, maybe less if my fear does not take me, my mother has stoked the fires talking about police cars in my neck of the woods, paranoia or the end, I haven’t felt this way since first seeing “Little Lupe” (porn star). Will you forgive me Inspector Echo, for the prospect of death that has both frightened and comforted me these past days; for not sticking to NO FAP; how about for admiring Alycia and wanting to know Charlie’s real name.

Little Lupe And Why I Lost

Last but not least, for rushing back to the house, yes my mother got to me with her report of cops in the area, I even drove by work, checked my emails and my Facebook friends, and a local neighborhood report, I must be crazy but The Will of Law.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 280 ~I Missed Health Class~

When was the last time I wanted to get out of bed, not needed, not have to, not a challenge, no I only wanted to get up and live… is it too early for Christmas and can I be a kid again and go back to school. I Missed Health Class.

Saturday, April 7, 2018

Lesson 280 ~I Missed Health Class~

Hey Lady Luna,
I Am Not Fine Today because I missed health class, not all of it but probably more than Sex Ed, only this is America, so most kids missed that conversation, to be honest. What I mean there are plenty of things about health that I should have learned being an African-American and all. Personally, I never dreamed I’d get out of my teens and with diet, a brain only a zombie could love, the cops, let’s say things aren’t looking that good.

You may be wondering what brought all this up; maybe it’s the fact that I have wasted yet one more day of my life in bed. Except for walking my dog and nature’s call, I’ve been down for the count. What honestly baffles me is the concept that I have held my day job for almost seven years and in all that time, I’ve been late once, and I’ve called out once, been too sick to stay one time, and left early maybe twice. One of those times was for another job, and the other was for my writing career, and yet I’m not writing today, am I Lady Lu?

I wasn’t learning how to survive on Pop-Tarts and toast, maybe pizza and Rotisserie Chicken every night, am I complaining about food and money right now? Lady Lu they don’t talk about when you’re so depressed that your body follows suit and you’re weighed down by something as light as a blanket. How about cold, the weather has been like something out of “1408” hot, wet, frozen, wasteland but every work day I go out into that, and it’s killing me, but I have a billion excuses as to why I can’t do for me.

Speaking of killing, I haven’t had a run-in with the law for the longest time but from searching on Motherless.com to my Pinterest boards being knocked out, to Facebook collecting intel I could face arrest for a great many things. Am I still hung up on the Pinterest thing… tell that to the hundred or so episodes of General Hospital I have yet to watch and just might give up.

Health Class wants to teach you to stay strong and not just lie on your back which goes right back into how come there’s no sexual education at most schools. I’ll tell you what I haven’t learned today, how to deal with an ever-growing weakness pervading my body but hey Lu I Missed Health Class.

“There is only one rule that binds all people. One governing principle that defines every relationship on God’s green earth: The weak are meat, and the strong do eat.” Dr. Henry Goose, Cloud Atlas (2012)

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 222 ~#MeToo, Me Three, Foreplay~

Last week I was worried about Heaven hearing me when misunderstood by a man across the desk and a woman I wouldn’t have minded… shh, you can’t say such things or even the innocent pretty words, don’t even think them “#MeToo, Me Three, Foreplay.”

Thursday, February 8, 2018

Lesson 222 ~#MeToo, Me Three, Foreplay~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, but I should be, I think a lot of men are, and I know we have talked about my mouth on more than one occasion that when it comes to women… at this rate, I have nothing to worry about honestly. If anything I still remember the 5th Amendment, but lately, I have been holding onto the first one as tightly as a Republican with his gun after any recent shooting.

A man with a voice is a dangerous thing these days though it’s more about the physical aspect but it’s these words Dirty Diana, these damn words, and the words are now, the right to remain silent… those would be the Miranda rights? The right to free speech though, I’ve never whistled at some woman, never catcalled, never called some girl a dirty name outside the bedroom or should I just say sexual activity. Funny I thought something like this would scare me the most, well it has but what were the real consequences of any such thing other than looking like a pervert, a Harvey Weinstein or even worse.

You know what word nearly ended me; life, how about a job’s a job, another day, a sigh, a moan, a grunt, and I’m supposed to be worried about calling a woman a slut, a ho, how about whore or bitch? No Dirty Diana they are saying a backlash is coming, you know I can be nice, but a guy can be taken down by an accusation, an acknowledgment of beauty, a look, a movement, my god nothing is safe. Think The Screwfly Solution with the Daughters of Eve rather than the Sons of Adam. I know this isn’t sounding so sexy but these days, silence, isolation, talk about spreading your legs, what about opening your mind, or breaking your heart, hiding everything about ourselves because we’re afraid for men to be men and women to be women and everything.

I respect the #MeToo movement but where does it end, you wonder why I’m so scared to talk to women outside because I’m horrified to talk to anybody and damn my social anxiety, it’s against the law to be me, and I’m made to be something they see which is illegal. Every single word and you could be one of them, #MeToo, Me Three, Foreplay.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 209 ~For The Write Man~

Words against words, why must we humans create wars with everything that we touch, if it weren’t for certain “aspects” I swear I could take a vow of silence like some monks because if you don’t have anything nice to say? “For The Write Man”

Friday, January 26, 2018

Lesson 209 ~For The Write Man~

Hey Lady Sophia
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, even when I know my name is on some form somewhere, or at least I hope it is; I’ve always thought my future will know fruition along a sentence or two, hopefully not a prison one. With everything, I have ever written, and with everything I have ever said, I still find myself striving to find the right ones, not that I have anything against lust or wrath, or what I would call “love” to be sure.

This week’s words haven’t been right at all and no I’m not talking about the general manager, those words were kick ass, I had a backbone. I suppose I’m trying to drown out the others, the police reports, work, the bitch and don’t worry I think I have spoken enough about how much my writing has cursed me in days long gone. All the same, people fear silence, and it’s enough to drive one insane; tell me a story, but it has to be the story I want to hear.

Part of the reason I’m a reviewer or I should be, I’ve been falling behind with that too, and it dawns on me that I’m not the right man for the job because I say what I usually think in the laziest way possible. Let’s not kid ourselves, Lady Sophia, none of us are right to judge that’s why we specialize in execution; I saw that Larry Nassar got sentenced, according to his story he did nothing wrong, to so many others of course he did, the people believe, hell I agree. My point is what story do we choose to hear, to concur with, the man wrote his own, wrong as it is and yet silence is unwanted honestly.

You have the right to remain silent, how I look at those words now, at my job I don’t but at the same time you don’t have the right, to speak the truth, so let me take a page from Ernest Hemingway. We’re not friends but enemies, I hate you, I despise you, I will never forgive you, and you are a waste of air for all of our humanity.

I won’t ever say those words to him Lady Sophia but that’s my story for him, my review, and I’m sure there are many of me, but he is the wrong man to say this to and as for me *sigh* For The Write Man.

I Will Have No Fear

“Marshall” Law… Fine With Me

We all fear “Martial” law I suppose but this movie is nothing to be concerned with unless you have kids and you’re looking for a date night, educational but hilarious and so much more. “Marshall” Law… Fine With Me, or maybe, “Friedman Law”.

Actually, it was more than fine with me, it’s quite amazing to be sure, incredible, well worth the watch, kudos all around for the cast. I wasn’t skeptical or anything but let’s just say I wasn’t in a rush to see it but I would definitely go and see it again it has a little bit of everything to be sure making one well-done story.

From Chadwick Boseman, to Josh Gad, and Kate Hudson, though out of the three, Josh Gad really made this movie, though since it’s based on a true story I don’t know whether to say that Boseman really helped Gad to shine or if that’s just how it was between the real Marshall and Friedman in reality. As with Kate Hudson, I’m tempted to call her role cliché but it was awesome to see how well she took to it, though the ending was somewhat subdued for my taste. There is more than enough action to keep up with all the legal jargon, though with some of that action I wouldn’t necessarily recommend this as an educational tool for the kids.

So that’s enough for “Fandango” overall I like a movie that’s able to stimulate, motivate, and educate all in one; it’s films like this that sort of show me why perhaps my father ‘had’ such high hopes for me and for himself. I can’t help but wonder if the real Thurgood Marshall was such a badass, again based on a true story and just like any of the books I read you just have to know how much is on point. If I learned anything besides, some lawyer talk and of course how bad things were back then for the record, women are nothing but trouble, I’m half-way kidding maybe.

“’Cause white women
don’t bring nothin’ but trouble.

That ain’t white women, man.
That’s women.” Save The Last Dance (2001)

Honestly, I didn’t have any inclination to just go and see this movie, “Regal Crown Club” knows how to take care of its members but anyway right after the movie I was telling a friend how awesome it is. Considering this day and age I believe this movie says plenty, I almost couldn’t believe the correlation between yesteryear and today.

As far as plot, again I would usually say that this movie might feed of something like the 1997 film “Rosewood” but if anything it shows that the more things change the more they stay the same throughout history, can’t go lynching a town but that’s only a span of 1923 to around 1940 if I’m remembering the timeframe. Now I also joked about women but other than Kate Hudson who you’re supposed to hate as a character the other female roles and supporting cast were top notch and astounding.

In case the trailer didn’t give it away, “Eleanor Strubing” (Kate Hudson) frames a black man for rape and attempted murder, and it’s up to Thurgood Marshall and an extremely reluctant Sam Friedman to defend him. I’m sure some people might be somewhat disappointed since this isn’t the Chadwick talking so much loud and proud against the state he truly has to play off Josh for that but it comes out well. Maybe I’m an idiot for not seeing the truth until the end but that’s refreshing when your audience has to think and has to imagine what comes next.

Keesha Sharp and Marina Squerciati who played Marshall and Friedman’s wives respectively did quite well for what screen time they received. I wish I could remember that one woman though, who led the jury, I don’t want to risk sounding stupider but the way she and Josh played off each other, was smoking. Speaking of smoking the rest of the cast made my blood boil but in a good way and the scenes between Kate and Sterling K. Brown were done well to be sure.

Another reason you might not want to bring the kids is the language, not that it’s over the top, it’s used exactly where it’s needed but still, it’s there. The movie itself isn’t offensive but it will give African Americans and Jewish Americans something to bond over, that’s a fact.

Now if you don’t want any spoilers, I advise you turn back now with my five out of five-star blessing because these are just too good not to share. Am I making this movie sound perfect, it’s not bad at all though there are a few things I would have done differently, of course, this is history so there’s that.

“If there is absolutely no way you can get out of taking a terrible beating, the only sensible thing to do is, get in the first lick!” Billy Jack, The Trial of Billy Jack (1974)

Josh Gad made me proud when he knew he was going to get beat up but swung first and usually something like that isn’t funny but when he was expecting round two, he picked up a knife at home which his wife promptly took and handed him a bigger butcher knife (Wife Goals). Chadwick Boseman did his share of fighting and the quips he and Josh shared were excellent, even when he was forced to remain silent and speak through Gad. Of course, there was the verdict and the passing glances between the forewoman on the jury her and Gad, and Strubing and Spell, sort of reminisce of “Life” 1999

Yes, I was one of those disappointed people who expected Marshall to be all fire and brimstone but he had to work through Friedman nearly the entire time. The ending sort of just petered out, we didn’t get to see what happened to Strubing, was the whole synagogue scene just to drive the point that Friedman was Jewish and Marshall just walking off talking about dinner and the next case. I am impressed though with this one fact, that just like today, a white man commits a crime and he’s a pillar of the community he’s a good person, but a black man will have every sin dug up to villainize him, guilty or innocent.

Five stars, a great movie, if the true story of Rosewood was too hard to stomach Marshall will fit the bill with a happy ending. One more thing, just a note, I like Common and all, he and John Legend were awesome with the song “Glory” but the theme song for Marshall while decent, it’s not Glory, but anyway, this movie truly is glory honestly.

Basic Bar

I’m don’t drink, it impairs judgment, makes you say something stupid, makes you completely different but every so often I get that nudge for a drink. “Basic Bar” been on my knees, hugging the porcelain altar because I’m just so sick of

A man walks into a bar

as the people say, how bizarre
and demand that he be locked in a cage
for his rage.
His judges, big and small, wherever they are

the man would say au revoir
only he needs to forget his pain
But he sings that I wish it would rain
just so he knows how tall, on what star

To set a much higher bar
Because sitting here in limbo
with just another… no just leave him alone.
Only now he’s on WordStar

a few scars
to remind him, the sky’s the limit.
In five minutes
he’s in the back of a patrol car

while my guitar
gently weeps.
So I creep
to ask him before he’s taken down the boulevard

“Just another so and so from afar…”

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Lesson 032 ~In Oprah We Trust~

I don’t think I ever watched Oprah as a child except once when they were talking about children being kidnapped, thanks for fostering that fear grand mommy. “In Oprah We Trust”, I saw the cover of her magazine and strangely enough found courage.

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Lesson 032 ~In Oprah We Trust~

Hey Lady Lu,
I think I’m starting to sound like Phil Dunphy… I’m turned on by powerful (black women) not really truthfully, but this is the second time one has inspired me so. Not so much the courageous thought but today Oprah via a magazine, gave me a new life motto today, something I’m truly trying to actualize, “NO FEAR”.

“I’ll admit it, I’m turned on by powerful women, Michelle Obama, Oprah, Condoleezza Rice, Serena … Williams … wait a minute.” Phil Dunphy, Modern Family

It wouldn’t be the first time, you remember the dreams, Luna, hell the absolute certainty, when it comes to writing, an endorsement from Oprah and your words were seen as holy writ. I want to feel that certainty now, that one day I’m not going to feel like this, that one day I’m going to embrace those words, no fear, she didn’t even say it like that but the things you find in the break room at work. A bunch of idiots talking about nothing, that Mr. Goodbar that is becoming my go to snack, the mother of my children that is going to get me into trouble once again…

So why today and how about tomorrow, how about right now, if anything I wish I was being more articulate with this, but the best ideas often come at the worst times. As much as I want to embrace this new ideology, I know I’m not ready yet, couldn’t ask the mother of my children her name. I won’t let myself forget about this new motto tomorrow, I need to ingrain this as easily as I did “the incident” as quickly as any other humiliation, I need to know this.

To think this all started with a magazine cover in which the question was asked, “what would you do if you weren’t afraid”? Do we really want to know Lu, my hands are shaking at mere aspect, like father like son right, Braxton and I, afraid of what we love the most or I hope?

“The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.”
― by Ayn Rand

You know if anything I’m always one for a good quote; knowledge I think is perhaps the greatest gift you can give and I mean in every single form, mental, carnal, ideological, and even spiritual as long as it requires you to think. One of the reasons I both hate the church and envy them because they tell you not to think but by wiping you of the will to do so you gain the courage to do anything really.

“Seek out a kingdom worthy of your soul” Worthy of Your Soul” by DJ Milky and b-nCHANt-d featuring Rachel Pollack

This is my life’s motto, for a long time I considered it the meaning of life, not so much anymore but even now this is where I’m headed but my mistake has been operating from the shadows. No one builds a kingdom from the dark but rather brick by brick, stone by stone, in the light of day and they don’t let anything stop them, even when they don’t have anything really to show for it, even when others are surpassing them. I apologize, Luna, I just saw something and to be honest my heart is sort of hurt; nothing against me but it still sucks, damn you “Ms. Seasons”.

“Blowing out someone else’s candle doesn’t make yours shine any brighter.” I have no idea

I knew I should have waited but curiosity right… okay I’m getting over it, anyway this just goes to show that I must be braver again, no fear, what has fear ever gotten me. Maybe like hate it gets a bad rap, you know what I say about hate and with fear I have lived by yet another motto “it’s better to be a live chicken than a dead duck” but on that note, I’ve had plenty of chicken and I’ve never had duck. Think about how most chickens live out their lives, now I’m no farmer but if anything I look at ducks somewhat better than I do chickens.

“Let us take the world by the throat and make it give us what we desire.” Conan the Barbarian (1982)

No fear my lady, everything but fear, the Marquis de Sade says lust leads to other passions, Yoda says it’s fear, you know this is going to take a long time for me to accept one or the other or even both. Today let’s say that Oprah and Yoda are right, we’ll get to lust soon enough but the question still remains, what would you do if you weren’t afraid?

“A word of advice – don’t mistake stupidity for courage.” The Undertaker, The Cherokee Kid

“The Day” is coming up soon and I’ve often said… to myself, that everything I ever wanted was inappropriate, insane, or illegal so let’s pretend I’m not afraid, what’s next…

When I was making my new year’s resolutions, one was the fact I wanted a new woman in my bed every month or a girlfriend and I can’t say I have lived up to either of them. A part of me wants to say something to Ms. Seasons about the “mile-high club” but at the moment I’m still too angry, I gained the courage to talk to you again to start really writing because I was so upset. How about making a move on that girl today, “Senseless” nearly got me fired, I’m really going to have to start remembering all these nicknames for real.
As far as insane, I could always quit my day job and start writing full time but wouldn’t that be stupidity disguised as courage, I’m sure that’s what everyone would say. I could finally stand up to my father which borders on the illegal side of the line because if I were to do that…

Should I really tell you about anything I would do that is illegal, honestly Lady Lu it’s just you and me in this place isn’t it but okay, I could always have a woman… if I were willing to pay for her of course. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to kill someone, they say games like GTA make us killers, and stuff life Virgin Roster makes us so much worse but I’ve always been pretty law abiding… yeah, I’m laughing at that. The worst thing I could do, I have such fantasies but I’m not Ned Flanders, I’m not Christian Grey, and I’m definitely not Oprah ha.

What have I learned today, something I have always known, I’m afraid, I’m addicted to fear itself but now that I know it I will fight, In Oprah We Trust.

“Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity Kitai. Do not misunderstand me, danger is very real, but fear is a choice.” After Earth