Episode 066 ~The Will Of Law~

If you’re reading this, then I’m a paranoid loon, I swear in the era of the #MeToo; when girls want to be pretty but don’t you dare look, when you skip a porno website for Pinterest and feel a million times worse. The Will Of Law.

Wednesday, September 5, 2018

Episode 066 ~The Will Of Law~

Forgive Me Echo,
Give Me One Reason not to get arrested other than the fact that “The Day” is bad enough as is, I’m an adult, and I don’t want to see any new improvements in police vehicles… been there, done that. Somehow or another I needed to make this week worse for myself, but at least I’ll get busted at the house or the library, I couldn’t take it at work, damn this FEAR and damn Pinterest but how shall I explain this time?

Anything I say will be reminiscent of the Harmonic War, haven’t thought about that since forever and every day this week, I’ve thought about the police, perhaps my first sin is that of contemplating suicide, a knife in my neck… the prison system in America, terrifying. My second sin is giving into temptation or again the fear, so much for NO FAP, but if I were sticking to that I wouldn’t have so much anxiety and stress but oh no I have imagination, and that is not a good thing. Okay, so what did I do… *sigh* Fear The Walking Dead, I have a Pinterest board featuring the ladies of the apocalypse, and Alycia Debnam-Carey is one of my favorites.

Season 4 Episode 10 “Close Your Eyes” Alycia stars with the “little bitch” (I didn’t call her that, Skybound reactors did so there) a.k.a. Charlie, Alexa Nisenson so, I’m adding to my board and Alycia gets me in a mood, which leads to “edging” and so I see a Pinterest lookup feature, of course, it looks up Alycia and Alexa. I’m going to look up pictures, this is Pinterest we’re talking about and wham I get hit with one of those warnings that lets you know you’re honestly skeevy, haven’t I spoken about words you can’t use in particular company, and a picture is worth; who knows now just saying.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have some fakes of Alycia but this warning freaked me out and despite any picture, no women, no nothing, origami paper shapes I meant to send to “Cherry” since she likes them this warning kept popping up. Now was it a fluke, I’ve had some tech issues lately but how I would want to quit having nightmares of the Catholic Church or Chris Hansen, because of a full grown woman of legal age and a young actress that starred with her seriously.

Alycia Debnam-Carey And Alexa Nisenson

I’ve got about an hour, maybe less if my fear does not take me, my mother has stoked the fires talking about police cars in my neck of the woods, paranoia or the end, I haven’t felt this way since first seeing “Little Lupe” (porn star). Will you forgive me Inspector Echo, for the prospect of death that has both frightened and comforted me these past days; for not sticking to NO FAP; how about for admiring Alycia and wanting to know Charlie’s real name.

Little Lupe And Why I Lost

Last but not least, for rushing back to the house, yes my mother got to me with her report of cops in the area, I even drove by work, checked my emails and my Facebook friends, and a local neighborhood report, I must be crazy but The Will of Law.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 081 ~The Black Suits Comin’~

I wear my heart on my sleeve they say but nobody saw a thing, here I am supposedly trying to speak up and at the same time be invisible but which do you think I chose today? “The Black Suits Comin’” the government, the mourners, the gravediggers heh?

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Lesson 081 ~The Black Suits Comin’~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear, no tears, some dirt but at least I’ve stopped burying myself, I sort of had to or else I would be getting no sleep tonight, I had things to deal with. I always feel like I’m repeating myself but “Every Day Is Exactly The Same” and on that note have I ever told you I’m not a prophet and then there are nights like last.

“I am not a prophet, but sometimes I have prophetic dreams, like the one where I was at a garden party.” Huey Freeman, The Boondocks

Didn’t I say something about paranoia or maybe I have something like a “God Complex” and I’m not even sure what that is in the traditional sense but all writers think themselves God at one moment or another. It’s more a “Messiah Complex” with Braxton around, haven’t I talked about being the villain, more often than not but when it comes to a couple of pounds of fluff, I’m a hero every day. Now, what was the point I was trying to make… okay, I believe that someone always has their eyes on me even when this morning I was more so trying to embrace the idea of being invisible.

I mean you can’t fire an invisible man can you but on the same token I could have had the week off from work but the squeaky wheel gets the grease as they say, so much for being invisible. So what led to this, the lesson, before I woke up this morning, I think I was dreaming or I was half awake, I’m not sure, it’s five minutes before the alarms start buzzing and my body is on edge. Anyway, the only part I remember is one of the managers told me I had to talk to “Big Brother” because I was under investigation about something, have you been blabbing?

“You know when you have a dream and you’re half-awake, but still in the fringe of your brain, and when you open your eyes you’re so damn glad it was a dream?

This was nothing like that.” Wesley, Wanted (2008)

Isn’t that the whole point, to be seen, and why do I find black so ominous and so comforting at the same time Lady Lu, it explains why I like my women wearing bright colors though I like a woman that would match me too. How does the story end; I go and talk to “Big Brother” about being on the schedule and chances are I will end up working next week but at least I still have my job.

So what have I learned today, keep my mouth shut, I’m so busy trying to avoid being seen that I put myself out there and now The Black Suits Comin’?

Lesson 080 ~Keep Calm, the Epidemic~

I would say I’m tired of trying to “Keep Calm”, stay afraid okay, keep sane, well I like to pretend, but how about “Stay Alive” one move night will be The Hunger Games but calm wow. Keep Calm the Epidemic, the world I don’t think is able to

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Lesson 080 ~Keep Calm, the Epidemic~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear and yet there has been no release but didn’t we discuss yesterday that it does not make sense to ignore the fear, acknowledge it, accept it, and then do what you must. Sometimes though, I feel… it is more a curse nowadays “feeling” but I feel and of every emotion, I seek to own, calm is one of those that alludes me except when sleeping.

It’s as if I’m in a rush to the graveyard and “afraid” that there will not be a spot for me, keeping in mind my day job makes me feel dead already but without it, I would actually be, some people might call that obsessive wouldn’t you agree? You know I have been simply trying to survive these days of “Sapphire” and I nearly have, until today I felt I was gaining control and now… Honestly today I was again practicing my speech which would be all rant, tell me this why does my daily life, give me everything but calm, indeed why don’t you tell me how zombies feel.

How should “Laura” feel in the movie “Dogging: A Love Story/Public Sex “when she was surrounded by all those men who were seeking to “ravish” her when all she truly desire was to be with “Dan”? How about, well there was such a cavalcade of characters in “Virgin Territory” but I would not call one of them calm, there world made it no reason to be. What about “Day of the Dead”, after you see some of the stuff that they had to go through, the idea of being calm, okay, safe, just goes out the window, just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Butch: “You okay?”

Marsellus: “Naw man. I’m pretty fuckin’ far from okay.” Pulp Fiction (1994)

I guess as you can see I had another movie night with “Indian Gone” but my point is how does anyone keep calm in such circumstances, drugs, coffee, and as I said sleep which means I can’t even enjoy what calmness I happen to find. Just so you realize how stupid I sound, what brought on this tirade, simply put I didn’t see my name on the work schedule for next week and I’m all about conspiracy, what gives hmm…

“Just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean people aren’t following me.” Harlan, Eight Legged Freaks (2002)

So what have I learned today, other than I live voraciously through others, making my life seem insignificant and then again if anything were to happen to this lifestyle of mine, Keep Calm the Epidemic?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 053 ~An A Musing Line~

Stay in line, keep your place, single file, being a fan somewhat of the Sith, Empire, First Order, Saviors, and others I can’t say that order is a bad thing, knowing your place and all. An A Musing Line, yeah I want to know where I’m going.

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Lesson 053 ~An A Musing Line~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear… well, not much anyway but the day is still going strong and as I found out “Inspiration Doesn’t Need A Map”, yes just one more new rule in a long line. Sure the straight and narrow path may keep us safer but there is so much more to life and from the looks of it I might still have a long one, now to do.

Other than worry I mean, today feels a bit better than yesterday and that was better than the day before that. It’s not too often I get those visions of things that could be; today I was like any other parent with the exception of my kid being on a leash, while all the two legged kids made their way to the bus stop. If things were better but here I am actually collecting bottle caps like something out of the Fallout franchise, I’m screwed.

Anyway, about today’s lesson, I’ve never been one for a quick witty line but more always know your way out. As you can probably see Luna I’m pretty lost at the moment, same with my poetry, I have no idea what I was thinking other than that Matchbox 20 song and yes I’m still censoring myself. I suppose there is a difference between living each day as though it were your last and thinking each day might be your last.

Every day I go into work and have to ask myself, do they know, will I be punished, how long was I like that after “Senseless”? What was the last day that I was truly proud of the life I am “surviving” that’s just it isn’t it, I’m not living and I’m not alone when it comes to that necessity?

Education, the pursuit of knowledge is also but as I watched that long line of schoolchildren this morning I couldn’t help but be reminded of my own school days. What about the neighbor’s new dog, have I failed that other dog they had, this is what happens when you try to stay in line there comes a time when you just have to get out.

From what I can tell, life is just one long path, one long line, doing whatever they can to escape the grave and everybody thinks they know better. Lead, follow, or get out the way as they say but first, you have to know where you’re going and don’t tell me to fake it till you make it, that’s just another way to get lost. Personally, I don’t want to be lost anymore and while I may be paranoid that doesn’t mean people aren’t following me, hence today’s blocking activities.

I don’t know what happens next but I keep walking away, hopefully with my head up, with no worries, though that seems to be all my friends these days. I was talking to one friend this morning and when I got to such and such a part of my story she said “Well…” I completely understand that though and of course “Indiana Gone” is firmly entrenched on my side. Even in my lifestyle, it frightens me some when people and Braxton think I’m someone to be followed, my road is better off a lonely one.

Everybody else I suppose tends to agree with me on the other hand, it’s lonely at the top and if you want some confidence or inspiration for today, that’s where I’ll be, all the way up. Until then there is just one foot in front of the other and contrary to popular opinion I’m not following anybody for anything now.

The thing is though I am sick of staying in my place and I mean that in a variety of different ways, maybe that’s some of what my OCD is about, everything has its place but not me. I want to step out of line, cross the line if anything I’ll do better next time but have I learned anything?

“Don’t make my mistake, kid. Don’t follow orders your whole life. Think for yourself.” Antz

I spent my life like most of those kids, walking to the bus stop, waiting, doing what was expected of me and where did that get me, Luna, where am I? Just another guy waiting at work, towing the line, knowing my place and in turn tell me where that gets me. Again another line trying to eek out an existence, gathering the tools I need to survive, for Braxton as well, one line another.

What will my last line read and I won’t even get to write it myself; “Reasons to be a writer” will make a debut, I’m serious. Today though looks like I didn’t scare the cute redhead, of course, I don’t think she’s ever seen me before either. More line won’t hurt with some and with others, hell they don’t deserve another line, coming from me.

So what have I learned today other than some lines are better than others; some of these lines, well they just wow… Anyway, someday I’ll be the one everyone will be lining up to see maybe “An A Musing Line”.

I Will Have No Fear