Tag: Women

Chronicle 090 ~2B Or Not To~

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A great man once wrote, to be or not to be. I’m nowhere near, not even good, and who would ever think I’m alright? Carolina Bound or M Anime? I do worry what B III thinks of me, wherever he is now. 2B Or Not To

Wednesday, September 29, 2021

Chronicle 090 ~2B Or Not To~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. That’s like saying Braxton is alive. I own a brothel, and I’m married to NieR’s 2B.

Carla Valenti

We’ll get into that soon enough. Forgive me, Inspector Echo, for I have sinned. If I hadn’t given you Carla Valenti’s form from Indigo Prophecy, you would be a nun. I had a thing for holy women once “ahem” do (M Anime). Anyway, I should try to regain my holiness. But I have the spirit of fear when it comes to tagging up the shoes at my fucking Day Job. I refuse to speak my mind there. Anytime I find myself lying, that’s only Acceptance. Yesterday the Stupidity I showed was libel to get someone hurt, and I was corrected. Inspector, I find myself breaking Rule 002 You Are Not A Caveman. What’s Rule 001? Dammit, these may not seem like violations but killing Braxton…

If anything, that is the one crime I know I will never surpass. As always, Braxton remains the constant. So what took me so long getting back to you, considering it is now 9:40 AM? Routine, Tradition, the Usual, another day? I would have gotten up because of B III. Braxton would take his medication first because the meds made him into a fire hydrant. Then we would walk. Depending on my laziness, we would eat breakfast, Braxton and me. Today, there was his water and his treat in Remembrance. I fixed a Pop-Tart and a cappuccino. Oh yeah, then I had to get all sorts of crazy ideas for “Stuff And Thangs.” Of course, you know how that goes. I wouldn’t have dared before.

When I’m not Braxton’s Daddy, who am I? The people at Petsmart have stopped offering. I pet fur babies, but I can’t bring one home. To be a Dad again because I’m no model, ha. I don’t want to be, Inspector, you know. I woke up at 4:00 AM and shut my eyes. It hurts. Dangerous thoughts, but then there are moments. There are always several for B, my son. There are productive times. Not that I’m counting today sitting in bed or kitchen nakedness. I’ve been saying it, sitting in the Den with the door closed, believing Braxton’s back? Inspector, he wouldn’t be happy with me, slacking off reading. None of it’s Shakespeare but better than Playboy. Awake and Alive? 2B Or Not To

241 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 085 ~It’s Empty B Cause~

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Like Father like Son. I’m running on empty and still trying to say something of value. Braxton was dying, and he continued to love so much he stayed beside me. He loved himself enough to walk to his water bowl. “It’s Empty B Cause,” nothing it’s full

Friday, September 24, 2021

Chronicle 085 ~It’s Empty B Cause~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. If I hope to remain so, I know I can’t have days like yesterday or today.

In the back of my mind, the “thought” was there, but we’ll get to that in a bit. I don’t want to go blaming Braxton for anything. Only the house is emptier. I guess I decided to take the night off from playing the beast, and instead, I was a vampire. This morning a ghost. Yeah, I’m still up to my “Stuff and Thangs on Onlyfans. It’s not even like I want to be seen. Well, you could ask M Anime. But I’m not one for a certain kind of picture sending. I’m not STUPID, Sophia, but we’ll get to that too. As for other things in my pants, money? No, even though I got paid. For dinner, I had four bags of chips ha.

Oh, I always have money but between gaming and books. I’m trying to keep up with The Handmaid’s Tale, but I’ll still remain ignorant on life. Yeah, if I could stay awake to live it. My bed is empty right now, but I was up most of the night. B could be keeping it warm. I should get clean, but what are the odds, Lady Sophia. So much to do and no desire at all. Pleasing an empty stomach? Worse is the blank my mind is drawing. I’m filling out. Yesterday M Anime said that, and my answer is? Working out, eating; to be fat, happy? Sophia, I wish I could remember why I even wanted to start talking to you like this after Braxton.

I want to tell his story. I have 50,000 words, and there is even more? I need to refill my Amazon balance and start buying more for Braxton instead of only books. The Red Collar. My skin remains empty of tattoos. Braxton’s water bowl is never empty. His bathroom spot and food dish are never filled. I won’t remove his things from the kitchen counter. This brings me to the AM as I paid tribute, and I saw B’s bucket of treats. I’m “Running On Empty,” and it doesn’t make sense to buy more. Is anything I do ever, Sophia? Writing, for example, going to Petsmart on Saturdays, being on camera, love, however, it’s sliced? My heart’s not empty. It’s broken. It’s Empty B Cause

236 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 083 ~I’ll B Home Later~

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Today’s pride will be tomorrow’s humiliations. Hell, I was in a good mood, so I had to time travel. Will Wednesday (today, tomorrow, whenever) feel like this. Doubtful, I’m not that lucky with women, and B never met his step-mom. “I’ll B Home Later.”

Wednesday, September 22, 2021

Chronicle 083 ~I’ll B Home Later~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I must have good clocks. I don’t think I’ll ever want to own a Rolex.

Now while I can get into my fondest for digital watches. How about the “Humiliations Galore,” at the Day Job. Hell, today B would have got a reprieve. You’ll be surprised what a pretty girl in a “virgin killer sweater” can make you forget. A nap, books, um NXT hmm? It’s why I’m talking to you so late, Inspector Echo? What do I mean, considering it’s Tuesday night? I’ve woken up pretty damn early the past two days trying to make a better life. Then after the Day Job and my binge of fast food. I’m KO’ed for hours, SIGH. Braxton would be proud, I mean it. Chicken and Fries, and as for that nap today? Um, ahem, I make them “Good Girls Go Bad.”

That’s why things like OnlyFans don’t frighten me. Echo, I’m naked every day in these words. I write some pretty horrible things in novels, poetry, more. Oh, and here’s a note, Hemingway will ding me using the word “pretty” four times now, Inspector? Anyway, the Day Job fucks me over. If I’m going to show all, be embarrassed, or have someone laugh at me, I can do that from the comfort of “my” bed. Sure, I might have locked up B III more, but I think he would prefer that to death taking him. Day 234 and it’s difficult Echo. You know that A-Word I’ve been kicking around, Acceptance. It’s not, even if I acknowledge the Day Job is a much worse place than here.

I’m sure June would disagree in The Handmaid’s Tale, you think. I let myself down by not reading enough today. I can’t help feeling I’m letting the Day Job down, like a pornstar that can’t get it up. I let Braxton down by working all the time and then sleeping. THEY say home is where the heart is. Dangerous thoughts Inspector but I would never. All the things I’ll never do. But I’m never late when it comes to the things I hate. Unless a pair of nice Yabbos were involved. I told Braxton I’d bring him a mother. Inspector, today there were good vibes, French fries, and I didn’t want to die. B III wouldn’t have minded, “I’ll be back.” I’ll B Home Later

234 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 078 ~Let’s Book It, Braxton~

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I always pictured the Daddy reading to his kids. Of the 38 books I’ve gotten to so far, only 11 (maybe) were appropriate. Braxton was here for four of them. All of January. Yet The Handmaid’s Tale has been on my mind. Let’s Book It, Braxton

Friday, September 17, 2021

Chronicle 078 ~Let’s Book It, Braxton~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but what did you do today, Braxton? No hands for applause. Some whining, big floppy ears.

I want to talk about Braxton but, there’s something I’ve been thinking… Moira and Emily. Didn’t I say something um wanting to read The Handmaid’s Tale? How about today, ha. I’ve only seen the show, a bit into Season 3. So here’s my question. Would you want to be Moira, no fanfare but to know that you’re safe? No one that doesn’t know what you’ve endured can ever understand. But now you’re a person you can live, your life matters. Or would you instead be Emily? Your life matters, and everyone knows? You’re seen not only as a survivor but a big damn hero. The world that you escaped from, the things you had to do in such horrific circumstances. Not only that, but someone is waiting for you only.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjP9E7Mdqlo

I’ve been talking to M Anime about how hard it is for her to be a woman. I in no way, shape, or form what to imply I know her struggle. Oh, I would rant to B about being black. My point is this. While I imagined reading The Handmaid’s Tale instead of, well, my latest. When I walk into the house, I remember all the days Braxton was still here to greet me always. Lame, isn’t it? When he was young, for sure, I was an Emily, and I didn’t have to bring in a baby. Bringing in a bag of goodies was enough, and of course, yeah, I’ll hang onto this B III. When he was older, I was Moira. Helpfully loving quietly.

My Day Job stories were a lot more appropriate. Despite multiple uses of the word “motherfucker.” In my younger days, my Olds wanted to know about my day, but not really. Now B III, my son, wanted to know everything. Yeah, I’d imagine that’s why he fought against so much. I told you before, people would say it was like B had to protect me. Sophia, when I would pick up a book, that’s when Braxton knew I was at peace. Hell, to think today, I wanted to tell you about the last book Braxton and I read together. Succubus Lord 7. Gospel 212 and Braxton’s last Friday. He didn’t see the end of Succubus Lord 8. Not appropriate anyway. Still, Let’s Book It, Braxton.

229 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 222 ~Reasonable That Victoria Keeps Secrets~

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I don’t know what’s worst than saying Braxton’s gone, my son is dead. Everything that has been said and not, nothing will trump that. Yet in life, we keep some things to ourselves, right? “Reasonable That Victoria Keeps Secrets,” right

Monday, February 8, 2021

Gospel 222 ~Reasonable That Victoria Keeps Secrets~

Hundred And Seventy-Forth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I should have plenty of secrets. You know I do, but for the first time in forever, I don’t care. I’ve told you the worst thing I’ve ever done. Madam Justice, I’ll keep saying it. I killed my son, Braxton is dead because of me. For my failure at being his father, he paid with his life. I’m scared, of course. At the same time, I’ve got nothing left to lose. Why should I care about anything else? What makes me a man has nothing to do with, as the song goes, Underneath Your Clothes.

Take away a man’s son, you’ve truly given him nothing left to lose. – Zombieland

I also don’t have to sing “I Wish It Would Rain,” for I am not ashamed of crying. Hell, it might help to feel anger. It’s been one week; well, it’s Saturday now. Who am I to talk about the stages of grief? I haven’t cried like this since… I don’t know; I’m in Denial. It’s one of the reasons I won’t share this more publicly. I’m not my father. Didn’t I tell you before? I could still feel Braxton’s warmth, and he’s all like, “get a new dog.” He’s lost two, and I don’t recall batting an eye, but I didn’t say, “oh well.” Then his mother died um. Nothing ever hid his hatred towards me. I’ve heard the Christians talk about putting on the whole “Armor of God.” It would do nothing to shield me from my anxiety. Give me dog hair any day of the week. Still, I walked in with Braxton, and I walked out alone.

I bore my soul to the world, and what of Braxton’s? Haven’t I said I would have saved or sold mine to keep his? I haven’t cared about my body since. Only I keep dressing, going to the Day Job, I took a shower somehow. Um, does any of this have to do with the rule? Honestly, I haven’t looked; I mean, really seen a woman since the vets had mercy on Braxton. I still have Twitter, of course, and artistic endeavors. To be honest, I haven’t been checking the bank except to shop online for food. How will I ever go into Walmart Sunday? Women hide things, and I’m a man hell with nothing more. Fatherhood, heart, balls, Braxton

No one knows what it’s like… ha, plenty know. But, Reasonable That Victoria Keeps Secrets.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 215 ~Act From Desire Not Insecurity~

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I don’t know why I’m writing this or if it’ll make sense; after what happened Sunday. I don’t know. Hope for the best, plan for the Worst. In my universe, that means one thing… my son, and the things I may have decided. Act From Desire Not Insecurity

Monday, February 1, 2021

Gospel 215 ~Act From Desire Not Insecurity~

Hundred And Seventy-Third Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but tell me I still have a son? Madam Justice, this is not the time to be looking towards the future, and yet here I am. What I think of him, do for him, are not desires but necessities. I want him to live, yes you could call that a desire. It’s the word LIVE that we should focus on, though. What about Insecurity? No, let’s call it what it is, Fear. What might happen or has? Yes, there is or was Fear, the wonders of time-travel. Anyway, in helping him in one way or another, I do it, no hesitation, Justice.

I could tell you so many things that get me up in the morning. You can take my Day Job as an example. I have no desire to go, but why do I act? There’s a yawn from my son as I lie here. Do I see it today, or is it but a memory? I get so insecure when it comes to my job. Should I change the rule? It is not desire nor any fear. Again it is a necessity. I’m not much for singing, but I will tell you what’s on my mind. As Disney puts it, The Bare Necessities. Um, maybe more to the tune of, it’s too hard living, but I’m afraid to die, Sam Cooke. Madam Justice, out of anyone in this world, it is my son. I don’t care about my life. Hell, tomorrow I’m supposed to talk to Dear Future Wife. What drives me now? Right now, this Saturday is the little ball of fluff lying here fading away, struggling to remain.

I wonder what drives him? He has learned too much from his old man; he knows Fear. Is it over his body? He may not take it that far, and he’s only thinking about jumping off the bed. I want to believe it is his desire not to leave me. How will another replace him?
Never, all I know is I want him here, and no Fear will stop me if I must lie beside him as he departs. I can’t see the future, so who knows if any of this will make sense in a day. I Will him to live, but I desire no more pain for him.

Whatever I do or did… Act From Desire Not Insecurity.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 211 ~Say The Word Willie~

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What’s the good word? I’m serious, give me just one, but you know something, nevermind. I refuse to be “that guy,” so I simply don’t say anything but then again, here we are. Paranoia, Guilt, Anxiety, Depression, Say The Word Willie, mind if I search

Thursday, January 28, 2021

Gospel 211 ~Say The Word Willie~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I’m allowed to have a big mouth. Hell, this entire week has been a wake-up call that I have nothing, nothing, nothing, um, sorry Whitney. I would be much better off going and watching Whitney Wright Prom Night. There lies the problem Dirty Diana one of several. At the core lies the fact that I haven’t been fapping in… wow, has it been thirty days? I might be impressed with myself if I wasn’t so fucked up. No, my dear, not with drugs, alcohol, or even love. Words.

Shakespeare asked the question, “what’s in a name?” In this day and age, everything. I’ve gone from wanting to be as infamous as the Marquis De Sade one day to what exactly? Either some delusions of grandeur with my paranoia. Perhaps I’ve been right all along, sadly. Fuck, it’s not like I’m Pornhub or XVideos, and I’ve been hearing a lot about them lately. To be honest, I was upset that they wiped Pornhub clean. No, not like that. I had plenty of shit I wanted to take. XVideos ain’t any safer, to be sure, and I figured I’d made mistakes. Republican Tendencies, like the former President. Did I ever mention I have Russian ties or know something about Ukraine? Already you can pick out which words get you flagged. You can pick one to end you. What was mine?

It depends on how much I want you to hate me. As I said, I can pick a name, Whitney, Hannah, Alissa. Why not Tifa, Aerith, Judy, Panam. I guess you can tell where I’ve been spending my time. Not porn… well, not really, my collections and Youtube, oh yeah, Marz. Delete, Deletion, Recycle Bin, Erase, for fuck sake, I’ve been imagining destroying every device in the house. Well, short of the phone. Would that be enough? I only need to look at my library, both my writings and others. Didn’t I say I’m reading Succubus Lord 8? Once again, another week of not being sexy because I don’t feel it. I have a hard-on like you wouldn’t believe, so what would that make me? A pervert, a creep, I can think of much worse, you know why, Dirty Diana?

GUILT!!! With eyes wide open and what can I do now but keep breathing. It ain’t another day anymore. It’s Breathing. Say The Word Willie.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 208 ~Collective Madness Is Called Sanity~

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Monday; Thursday at the time of this writing, and I’m still scared to death. In a way, that makes me part of the majority. How many people have sped, hit a dog, who’s been inside a cell? Three separate incidents. “Collective Madness Is Called Sanity”

Monday, January 25, 2021

Gospel 208 ~Collective Madness Is Called Sanity~

Hundred And Seventy-Second Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I must be insane. Well, indeed, I am not the only one to believe in time-travel. So I can’t give myself too much credit. Only here we are on a Thursday, and I want to talk to you right now. Yeah, it’s more like I’m scared. Is it because I agree with everyone else about a particular subject? True enough, but I might be making myself sick over nothing. Either way, the guilt… Dare I say it’s real? How do THEY say, choosing between what you feel and what’s real, right?

PARANOIA! Madam Justice has taken the place of Depression, Anxiety, and, let’s say, any “Joy-Joy Feelings.” I’m the one who looked out the window earlier because I heard voices near my door. I’m lying here relishing the concept that if it gets “real,” who’ll witness? Dammit, don’t let them hurt my Dæmon. Who and for what? That’s why it won’t go away because I won’t face it. Wasn’t it Dale Carnegie who wrote about accepting the worse outcome? Yeah, I haven’t done that exceptionally well. I can’t, Madam Justice, never. Believing such a prospect is too much. Like when I got that speeding ticket and thought I would instead kill myself than tell my Old Man. There was the time I hit that dog… instead, the dog slammed my car door (again with speeding). Oh, my time in Juvenile Detention.

Everyone agrees that getting speeding tickets is wrong. Still, who would go out shopping for sleeping pills or would turn to rob their relatives. I embraced both, of course, and now I can get proper drugs. I have other methods available. I must be insane. However, I thought I was normal when I was driving and then, bam with that dog. I was a dog killer. Mom and daughter could have found my Olds; they could have called the cops. Only the dog lived but again with the memory of what I’d done that afternoon. While I sat in the day room in the detention center after my Olds begged for my release. I won’t do that again, Madam Justice. As much as I hate my “father,” I can’t do that. Yet I agree that what I’ve done or might have is madness, everyone says.

Living this way is crazy. The Paranoia won’t go away. Collective Madness Is Called Sanity

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 204 ~Will Looks Past Tit~

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Usually, I don’t understand why I sleep so much… well, other than being a lazy ass. I never cherished every FREE breath, more like I was looking at boobs. Now the only legs I worry about are mine running. Wil Looks Past Tit, but not anyone else would

Thursday, January 21, 2021

Gospel 204 ~Will Looks Past Tit~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but would that be enough to buy a Presidential Pardon. Oh, right, we have the new guy whose wife I haven’t seen naked. Uh, a daughter I haven’t thought about while “choking the bishop’. Speaking of nocturnal emissions and music to my ears, I can’t say I’ve been doing much of either, well this week.

Now, sure, I spent twenty minutes “getting it up” to wake up. Still, I’m not in a “Love Me Sexy” mood. I’ve found the only thing that gets me going more than sex is fear. Of what, you may ask?

That I still cannot say but all this week, let’s say I found the motivation. Now I won’t lie to you, Dirty Diana, I’m a nice guy… Ha. I suppose it’s KARMA that I’ve sent women running. Hell, I’ve taken off myself plenty. Only now, it’s like I’m sprinting uncontrollably. You should see me at the Day Job, for example. Everyone disappeared for a bit, which is okay with me, usually. Anyway, with no one around, I expected any minute to see the boys in blue. I hear there’s someone on the phone, and I imagine it’s them making arrangements. I set my watch thinking like something out of Baker Street; Just one more “hour,” and then you’d be happy. I’m never happy, though. As much as I’m for PDQ, Dogging, and full-on Exhibition, it’s this (sigh) PARANOIA that is fucking me up. Can’t relax.

I can’t even talk to Indiana Gone about it… “she won’t love me anymore.” People have been talking about The Big Lie this week. In “The Road,” Viggo Mortensen spoke about “The Great Fear.” Yes, I know it’s a book, and that’s another thing, I’m reading Eric Vall’s “Succubus Lord 7.” Anyway, what will I call my crime? Something to the tune of The Mass Shame, an original title. How about V For Vendetta, The “Hmm-Hmm” Inconvenience. The first one is a movie, of course, and the second is my favorite but even using the real word reveals too much. Isn’t that saying something? I never had a problem coming up to the line, stepping towards the edge, staring into the abyss. I will bend the rules, even break them, but what happened last week…

Am I so desperate to be a wanted man? AM I!!! Will Looks Past Tit

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 201 ~Legs, Breasts, There’s Always Chicken~

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I said love hurts, and yeah, lust does as well, but it’s pretty fun too. Though, I’m not having any. In fact, I’m scared to death. Some people live to eat; others eat to live. I only write, and what else is there? Legs Breasts, There’s Always Chicken

Monday, January 18, 2021

Gospel 201 ~Legs, Breasts, There’s Always Chicken~

Hundred And Seventy-First Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so oh god, OH GOD, what have I done!!! Why did I not take this rule to heart? It was inspired by my son, my Dæmon. I should turn to Dale Carnegie’s How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. When’s the last time I felt so bad? Well, in “modern history?” I would say when I read something from the “Basic Bitch.” Before that getting called into the office at the Day Job. There was that time in junior college. What about my stint in juvenile hall? Trumptards are scared and running.

Not that I’m one of them. Hell, at times, I’m um worse, and I can’t even tell you how horrible. If anything, I’m hoping that I’m here with you to read this in a week. For the moment, I’m time traveling. You know what I said wakes me up every morning, but Fear, yeah, works. Now, as I state in rule #15, “I Take My Own Lumps.” It means I take the hit I don’t make excuses. If I’m guilty, so I am. The thing is, I don’t even know if I am. There’s a difference between thinking and actions, and no, I’m not trying to be all motivational now.

Okay, usually I save confessions for Inspector Echo, but she waits till Wednesday. How about other cops? Well, I’m a thief, for starters. You know all those artists I have yet to pay and the ones I have paid? Well, I found a place where I did a bit of an art heist, not all. Oh, you know I’ve been stealing pictures and videos ever since I discovered, um, the (H-Word). I blame Tenchi Muyo, but I gave my Olds computer a virus many years ago. Yeah, I couldn’t hide that, but I have lied about being a better man. Doesn’t that affect only me, hmm? Today, no, not with my Dæmon. I swore to always be here for him. It’s him and me until the end. It wouldn’t be a crime to leave him but committing one leaves me no choice for sure, Justice.

He likes eating, and I like… well as the song goes, I hear you singing, “I know what boys like I know what guys want.” Much ado about nothing, hopefully.

For release Madam Justice, I stumbled down the rabbit hole… Legs, Breasts, There’s Always Chicken.

I Will Have No Fear