Tag: Feelings

Lesson 329 ~Let’s See What Sticks~

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Nothing brings humanity together like destruction and doing it alone is almost a criminal act but why not keep it all to myself; well, I have a blog and no published works, I’m sure people will find something else. Let’s See What Sticks now

Saturday, May 26, 2018

Lesson 329 ~Let’s See What Sticks~

Hey Lady Lu,
Can You Love Me Again, even with as dirty as that sounds or maybe that’s just me and my filthy mind? You know everything continues to pile up, albeit in smaller amounts but still. It sticks with you like my feet to the ground; how long does it take to learn how to walk and here I have to remind myself always to pick up my feet, to lift up my head, shoulders back. My “father” says I look weird; he would prefer I keep my eyes on the ground, a reminder.

I’ve talked often enough about how I’m not growing any taller because I can’t afford it, and how I feel so heavy because of everything that I’m keeping inside, like a reverse Pandora’s Box because Hope fled some time ago. It’s like “Pour Some Sugar on Me” already, maybe I’m not procrastinating but I need to find some joy in my life and even when I’m not watching the world go to Hell, what about all these created worlds. Watching “Detroit: Become Human,” reading “Whispers In The Dark” by LeTeisha Newton or even reading my works is doing nothing to make me feel better but these are things that stick.

Did I ever mention how much I hate glitter, and that sticks to everything, I wonder can fire burn that away; maybe that’s it Lady Luna, that I miss the anger, but it’s always there against myself, even at this moment. Everything I’m doing to stay awake, and when I do, I can’t stick to my task because when I think about what I want to do, you know honestly the world doesn’t need that from me or anyone else. Another reason to keep my head down, while possibly staying alive, you don’t want to know what the world has to offer because what do I do, take it, steal it, pay for it, and only, so I want more?

Again with my sugar diet, donuts and chocolate, quick meals not to live but to waste more time, wasn’t I suppose to have my poetry book ready to go this month and I can’t get past the first girl, a hundred poems out of how many? To make yet another pop culture reference yeah right, Fahrenheit 451, we are burning everything, and the sad thing is when we run out then the fire dies and bring on the darkness but then you can’t read the writing on the wall right?

That’s what I want Luna, maybe that’s why I relish sex, the feel of traditional books, when’s the last time I bought one of those, I want actual game discs, I keep my dog close, him and all his fur. I want to remember what it is to feel as the fire dies away, Lady Luna Let’s See What Sticks.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 142 ~Stop Crying Your Heart Out~

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Maybe if I was left with a few beers, sometimes as the song goes I wish it would rain, could I maybe go work out in the gym, how about having some woman in my bed, anything to stop talking about my feelings “Stop Crying Your Heart Out”

Monday, November 20, 2017

Lesson 142 ~Stop Crying Your Heart Out~

Seventh Rule Madam Justice,
No Fear, but complaints, tears, frustrations, worries, and who am kidding there is fear, there is always fear, but the trick is that nobody is supposed to know it if anything that is not what a man is. As if I know what being a real man is right but on the other hand, there are plenty of days I don’t think I even have a heart at all really.

I get accused of a lot of wearing my heart on my sleeve and even today I could find plenty to cry about, how hard work was today (my boss said I look like Spike Lee) plus I’m just so tired, how this week is going to suck overall, or how about why I’m even bothering with NaNoWriMo. What about the situation I found myself in so many months ago; no question I wasn’t being a gentleman back then and I think I read somewhere that a gentleman must keep these feelings to himself. It hasn’t just been words either which has been ugly enough I think, but then again can I count my heart amongst some of those ha.

You don’t know how many times I wish I could just break down and cry or to actually pray for a miracle, should I start envying my dog and maybe I understand why some men make themselves out to be gods. Could you imagine God crying about something and you know this will lead to a Jesus discussion so let’s just drop it right now? That’s the thing though I should just drop it, drop everything that makes me, myself I guess and instead of crying, drown my sorrows, fake it till I make it, or whatever else people say.

So am I expected to lie forever… if other people can do it, and at least it would be something because you know I’m too quiet anyways isn’t that right. The thing is crying never solves anything now does is Madam Justice, I think even you would think less of me but truth be told can people’s opinion of me get any lower… still complaining?

I again find myself apologizing for just being me for I am truly guilty but it could be worse, it nearly has been worse but at the end of the day, I’m still alive so Stop Crying Your Heart Out.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 088 ~What Validates A Problem~

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Bask in the glory, of all our problems as the song goes but what are we crying about because there is someone that always has it worse and we’re being selfish? “What Validates A Problem”, is this yet something else I can’t answer?

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

Lesson 088 ~What Validates A Problem~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear but an answer to a question, how do you solve a problem, I mean any problem in this big wonderful world of ours and I answer, create a bigger problem.

I was talking to “M Anime” today and I feel really bad because I consider her a friend and she feels really bad for considering herself instead of others. Now why do we do that, we’re not allowed to feel bad because other people feel worse, what sort of world is it when we can’t even own what selfishness, I can’t worry about me because I have to worry about you? Don’t get me wrong, she’s dealing with something serious, her family is in Puerto Rico, but she can’t worry about her job because she has to worry about her family but is her worries no longer valid… problem solved.

How about those of us who are the problem, someone considered me a problem and then there was a hurricane and needless to say someone might have bigger problems which in turn solved my problem as well. If anything President Trump is a master at this, have one problem and then try to play the hero, but what happens when you cut off a hydra’s head? The only question is which head is worse, all of them are the same, all of us are equal so why can’t all our worries, concerns, and troubles, be ours without feeling bad honestly?

Then there are the problems we know we have, addictions, phobias, mental, physical, financial, anything and everything and we simply turn our backs on them, because we don’t want our problems we want someone else’s, we fail and that’s on them. If you asked me right now my three biggest problems I’d say swearing off any sexual activity, always worrying about my job, and seeing that Braxton is always looked after. Maybe that’s sort of what my novel was for, create a big problem for some future date so I don’t have to worry about the present to be sure.

Back in school, I would just write math problems, again and again, never having a solution and then I had bigger problems, my father beating my ass, failure, summer school… So what have I learned today, the more things change, the more they stay the same, a problem is a problem regardless of size, sometimes solutions fall out of the sky *shudders*, every single one of us Lady Luna, we are What Validates A Problem.

“Don’t make the mistake of calling what’s inside me worry. Good men worry. Men like me take care of the problem.” Noah Lennox, Beyond Series

I Will Have No Fear

 

Lesson 080 ~Keep Calm, the Epidemic~

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I would say I’m tired of trying to “Keep Calm”, stay afraid okay, keep sane, well I like to pretend, but how about “Stay Alive” one move night will be The Hunger Games but calm wow. Keep Calm the Epidemic, the world I don’t think is able to

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Lesson 080 ~Keep Calm, the Epidemic~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear and yet there has been no release but didn’t we discuss yesterday that it does not make sense to ignore the fear, acknowledge it, accept it, and then do what you must. Sometimes though, I feel… it is more a curse nowadays “feeling” but I feel and of every emotion, I seek to own, calm is one of those that alludes me except when sleeping.

It’s as if I’m in a rush to the graveyard and “afraid” that there will not be a spot for me, keeping in mind my day job makes me feel dead already but without it, I would actually be, some people might call that obsessive wouldn’t you agree? You know I have been simply trying to survive these days of “Sapphire” and I nearly have, until today I felt I was gaining control and now… Honestly today I was again practicing my speech which would be all rant, tell me this why does my daily life, give me everything but calm, indeed why don’t you tell me how zombies feel.

How should “Laura” feel in the movie “Dogging: A Love Story/Public Sex “when she was surrounded by all those men who were seeking to “ravish” her when all she truly desire was to be with “Dan”? How about, well there was such a cavalcade of characters in “Virgin Territory” but I would not call one of them calm, there world made it no reason to be. What about “Day of the Dead”, after you see some of the stuff that they had to go through, the idea of being calm, okay, safe, just goes out the window, just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Butch: “You okay?”

Marsellus: “Naw man. I’m pretty fuckin’ far from okay.” Pulp Fiction (1994)

I guess as you can see I had another movie night with “Indian Gone” but my point is how does anyone keep calm in such circumstances, drugs, coffee, and as I said sleep which means I can’t even enjoy what calmness I happen to find. Just so you realize how stupid I sound, what brought on this tirade, simply put I didn’t see my name on the work schedule for next week and I’m all about conspiracy, what gives hmm…

“Just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean people aren’t following me.” Harlan, Eight Legged Freaks (2002)

So what have I learned today, other than I live voraciously through others, making my life seem insignificant and then again if anything were to happen to this lifestyle of mine, Keep Calm the Epidemic?

I Will Have No Fear