Saga 131 ~ B’s Eyes, Ears, Virgil~

One more reason I want B back. Because be it Heaven or Hell, he sees everything. It’s easier to hide from Virgil. He doesn’t want to see the mess which is my existence. And neither do I, seeing how my glasses broke yesterday. “B’s Eyes, Ears, Virgil”

Wednesday, November 9, 2022

Saga 131 ~ B’s Eyes, Ears, Virgil~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I don’t see how. I mean that in more ways than you can imagine, Inspector.

In the literal sense, my glasses broke. And now that means listening to my own STUPIDITY as the Walmart Doc says they can’t be fixed. And what will the Eye Doc say tomorrow, or rather today? Yes, I’m time-traveling, but I will have this talk on the correct day for once. Something else I don’t want to listen to because I want to sleep. God knows my eyes need it. But I need to hear the bucks going into a wallet. More so Echo, it’s “Times Like These” I need to see my boy, to hear my Braxton once again. Echo, Braxton was the most beautiful thing in this whole wide world. And I watched him leave me. What now? He’s not in Virgil Vivi.

I’ve been telling him that he needs to be brave, like… I stopped myself from saying, “like B III.” That would have been mean. Hell! Why don’t I practice what I preach, Echo? Virgil doesn’t want to hear or see it. So 2V’s again in Braxton’s room. Who knows, getting advice from B’s ghost? As I said, I’m having a hard time seeing anything in these old glasses. Yeah, Inspector, that’s the problem. Not me trying to look at titties. Or how about hearing some girl say yes? How about seeing myself on Onlyfans? So much noise all around me. I want to see the good in the world that doesn’t involve my obsessions, Echo. But then again, what I’ll see tonight or today, anyway.

Which is worse, Inspector? Lust or Sloth? Do I lie in the dark sleeping? Inevitable. Inspector, it is lust that is keeping me awake and alive. And then I hear the drive-thru cashier call me Ma’am again. Seeing how I am treated at the Day Job always. Inspector, this life ain’t much to look at or much to tell. So, looking forward to anything? “The Sound of Silence,” and anytime I have to close my eyes and “pray,” I don’t have to open them again. But here we are on the 9th now. Eyes and ears, Endure and survive. Soon I’ll have to look into Virgil’s eyes. I still don’t see myself like I once did through B III’s eyes. Sigh. B’s Eyes, Ears, Virgil.

647 Days Without B III, Day 088 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 124 ~Smile On Virgil B~

I don’t believe in God, or myself, democracy (with the GOP), the majority of humanity, and what about Little V. But I do have faith in B III. He would say, “well, you could have fooled me.” But any prayers I have, I save for him. “Smile on Virgil B.”

Wednesday, November 2, 2022

Saga 124 ~Smile On Virgil B~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but so was Kanye West, “Ye,” whoever last week. I wonder if he’s praying now, Inspector.

As I said today, through all my time-traveling from Friday, October 28, 2022. I don’t pray to any god. Hell! If you wanted to make me a believer, all you need do is save Braxton. That boy gave me everything he had his whole life. And what did I give him in the end, Inspector? I swear! Am I reading another dog grieving book or “Too Late?” I ask Braxton. To think, I have the audacity to ask for anything. My most common prayer is for strength every day. “Braxton, give me strength.” Wouldn’t it be more embarrassing if I were asking him to come back? Oh, we’ll get to that. But the worst is this Inspector. To protect Virgil. An insult, to be sure?

Every day I lean more and more into Braxton not being Virgil. I should be ashamed because that’s the one card that 2V has to play. That he might be my long lost son Braxton. Wow! Is 670 days that long ago. A year and a lot of change. But not for Banfield, ha. Still, I asked Braxton to guide my steps on Tuesday, October 25, 2022. V’s Vet Appointment. Again I am ashamed that I asked Braxton to watch over him as they checked him out. With me outside the room, sitting on the bench. The same place I learned B III was dying. And even as I was there to watch the one I loved most die. I call out to Braxton still.

At least I have the presence of mind to bring Virgil upstairs. He doesn’t need to see me do that. Does Braxton talk to him while I’m gone? Is he guarded outside without me there? Speaking of not being around… How long has it been since I’ve jerked off? Gross! Inspector, trust me, I know, but that is my alone time. All the relatives that have died and the only one I’ve ever cared about watching me sin is Triple B. Giving up Triple X. Inspector I did for quite a while. And by the time you see this, there’s No Nut November and NaNoWriMo. There’s no time for my happiness… please. There’s Virgil? I like to think B III’s happy. Smile On Virgil B

640 Days Without B III, Day 081 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 117 ~Boys Will, B, V~

I’ve never liked the saying, “boys will be boys.” B III is/was too much like me. And 2V, well, he hasn’t been here three months yet. The only women he knew were the ones I adopted him from and any “friends” in his cage. Boys Will, B, V

Wednesday, October 26, 2022

Saga 117 ~Boys Will, B, V~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so what if SHE’S A Gold Digger? Yeah, fuck Kanye West, “Ye,” whoever he is today.

Speaking of which, Inspector, today is Sunday, October 16, 2022. I have been time-traveling all day. But I can’t go back to the past, or can I… Braxton’s veterinarians? Inspector, for the record. I seem to have more luck with women doctors. Myself, Braxton. Anyway, I expect Virgil to have seen a doc by the time you read this. But we’ll get there. And I do mean we’ll get there. Because I haven’t been to Banfield since I received Braxton’s remains. For the third time today, I’ll call myself a selfish bastard. My boy cannot even claim his death; it was my failure and my disgrace. And to go back to that humiliation… The feeling of carrying my boy, that bag, my beloved son’s box

Virgil is not that. Not even close. But I remember when that guy doctor thought I was the worst thing. And now I have to carry V back there on his birthday. I hope. A checkup? He needs his nails clipped in the worst possible way. Braxton didn’t do well there. Understatement of the century. What I mean is he didn’t like people. What about Virgil? I guess I’ll have to see. B didn’t even like his aunt but, then again, like father, like son. He loves a pair of Yabbos. Seeing as how V doesn’t have his balls? I should read up about that. But I picked up a book on reincarnation. By now, who knows what I’m reading? I don’t need free time…

Yes, I’m still afraid that things may have happened at the Day Job. It would be last week. If anything, talking to you is an act of faith right now. Faith in and woman, Inspector? It’s my own fault, I know. Everyone loves Braxton and Virgil has his fans as well. Now myself? Well, I barely speak to Cherry these days, but I’m glad for her writing success as of late. M Anime has never been a particular type of girl. And that’s it for the women in my existence Echo. Again there are a few that could get me into trouble. Such is my anxiety workwise. Inspector, there are always my other interests, but I’m trying. My “sons” are better men. But for now, Inspector, Boys Will, B, V.

633 Days Without B III, Day 074 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 110 ~To B Boys, Virgil~

I wonder how many secrets Triple B took to the grave? If he’s up there, down there, somewhere, I’ll admit I’m ashamed. If he is reincarnated as Virgil… Well, the two of us haven’t bonded, really. We’re both just two lazy F… Anyway, To B Boys, Virgil.

Wednesday, October 19, 2022

Saga 110 ~To B Boys, Virgil~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means everyone wants to be my friend. I can count my “friends” with one hand.

Now my Braxton… have I cried for him today? I am time traveling a week ahead, mind you, dear Echo. You can also add that I’m a mad maudlin masochist for today. I’m gearing up for the fight I will have today with the doctors here. Only I’m not leaving this bed except for nature’s call. Ask V something about that. He needs time outside pawing, peeing, and playing. It’s not like I tell him anything that’s going on. I carry him outside to comfy spots and B’s old food and water bowl. Ain’t like he’s getting one of his own anytime soon. Hence me fighting today. If I didn’t have Virgil, I wouldn’t be anymore. My anger, anxiety, and naked ass, aren’t worth anything.

If I have learned anything, it’s the fact that everyone is trying to eff me over. Am I being a selfish bastard? Hell! If B III were here, he would prowl around, growling at my unseen enemies. Did I mention how much I miss having Braxton on guard duty these 626 days? Why would I ever sentence Virgil to that? He’s been here over two months by the time you’re reading this. Hell! Shouldn’t Two V and I be celebrating? Not even on a payday. Instead, I’m worried about the next two days when I go back to the Day Job. Am I still taking two pills? No, only one stronger one. If it doesn’t work… It’s not like I can pay for these eyes.

All in a bit of faith in those I chose. My “father” has his boys. Inspector, the AC is on. When Braxton was here, I sat him on the porch and said we only have each other, and that was that. Now I am unable to talk to anyone, even you, Echo. I mean, here I am, Inspector but wasn’t it last week or the one before I screamed of loneliness? See! I can’t share with anyone else as I did with Triple B. And yes, I have confessed otherwise. But he was the closest confidant. And with my anger at others and my indifference towards him, it ended. And with or without the doctors, I would still feel so discombobulated. To B Boys, Virgil

626 Days Without B III, Day 067 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 103 ~Minding B’s And V’s~

The last two months, but um, these last two days have all been about minding my p’s and q’s. The doctor that didn’t give a damn Tuesday. Trying to keep the Day Job. Cheating medical payments. But when it comes to the boys B and V? Minding B’s And V’s

Wednesday, October 12, 2022

Saga 103 ~Minding B’s And V’s~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so why bother minding my p’s and q’s? Hell, I ignored ten months of health, right?

It shows how much I love Braxton. I only ignored his life for about four days. Well, it was longer than that. But the moment I got a chance to breathe from my effing Day Job, I was all about Triple B. Yet it was too long a wait. Despite what the books say, I’m guilty. Inspector, I’m still making those excuses when it comes to Virgil. While I was out the other day… (sigh). We’ll get to that. At Petsmart, they continue to have the doggie NOTICES in the window. I spent most of last night comforting Two V from having a hacking fit again. He hasn’t in the past couple of days. Yes, I’ve been going to the doctor and pharmacy a bit.

Echo, a reason I’m not minding my p’s and q’s now. Let’s say I need to find a new Doc. Well, I won’t be, come later on today. It’s why today I’m up early. And the Day Job is no bother. Hell! It could be the drugs they gave me… ok, that’s bullshit. No insurance and over a hundred bucks. I was up at one in the morning dreaming the loopiest shit I know. It’s only been one day but is it helping? I’ve wasted a lot of money in this existence, Inspector. I’m starting to think I should accept this as my punishment. If so, well done. But with my Republican tendencies. I will fight about the money. “Real American,” aren’t I? Doubtful GOP

How about being an African/Black American? While I lay in bed after having such an effed-up dream. Starring Ice Cube, Tommy Lee Jones, Radha Mitchell, and Nickelodeon. There were also those two girls from that new movie “M3GAN,” the list goes on. So I thought about how that doctor blew me off yesterday and cheated me. Inspector, there was a good doctor there, to be honest. Remember B III’s favorite, ha-ha. Anyway, I was thinking of how black people are sometimes treated by some in medicine. And now I have to fight the docs over money they already took from me. On top of worrying about this medication. If I’m not watching Triple X porn of 2X/2B. Remember “NIER: FIRST ASSEMBLY?” Minding B’s And V’s.

619 Days Without B III, Day 060 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 096 ~B My Medication V~

Love didn’t save my boy. And his kidneys did him in for all the heart meds he took. Well, more like the point of a needle. Every time some doc sticks me with a needle, there’s that hope. Bacterial infection, nothing more. B My Medication V.

Wednesday, October 5, 2022

Saga 096 ~B My Medication V~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, meaning I didn’t become a doctor. I despise most people, you know. Par for the course.

But how about a course of medical treatment? Oh, and not for my mental state. I cried this morning once again. All about my doggy, but there was also my depression and disgust, oh I know. It’s part of the reason we’re speaking so late at 5:55 AM. Am I not feeling good body-wise? I’m not sure yet but let’s start at the beginning. Which was last Sunday. Inevitable. Inspector, I went to see the doctor. And surprise, surprise, they found a bacterial infection. I don’t fear the point of the needle. As fucked up as it seems, pardon my French. It’s when I feel the closest to Braxton. I’m not one for self-harm… several “attempts” in my younger years which is another thing, Inspector.

I’m getting old. My hand to God, I never wanted to see thirty-eight. Hell! If I had a choice in the matter… I sound like one of those people from “The Cabin at the End of the World.” And how did that turn out? According to the doc, I’m an ordinary old man, Echo. After a bit of blood and peeing into a cup… TMI? They found I had something to fix for $17.00. Oh, and the $175.00 for going in the first place. Now I’m on the bottle and taking drugs… medication, ha. Again I feel close to my boy. I set alarms and down pills twice a day. Before I forget, my ears got cleaned. Or should I say “bukkaked?” People do suck.

But I am listening to the doctor and taking my pills, and then what? Will I listen to Virgil Vivi? I couldn’t save him from the heat when there was no AC, and now Inspector? Honestly, I don’t know if anything is wrong with him. And this week, Inspector Echo? Fucking same excuse when Braxton was dying? I don’t even remember what was so humiliating when he was trying to tell me something was wrong. I can say to you yesterday was the most fucked up day I’ve had in Inspector. Humiliations Galore! It Doesn’t Matter! My love didn’t save my son. And it’s not love when it comes to Virgil. At least not yet. For the Love of Money (sigh). B My Medication V

612 Days Without B III, Day 053 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 254 ~Because You’ll Go B…~

I could use a new pair of glasses anyway. How about another Band-Aid for my knuckle? And to fix a broken heart? At this point, 405 days in, everyone believes I’m addicted to the misery. That’s why I rock my body, right… or not. “Because You’ll Go B.”

Saturday, March 12, 2022

Chronicle 254 ~Because You’ll Go B…~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I have the best doctors. But I’m fortunate “naughty nurses” isn’t my usual fetish.

It’s 4:40 AM, and besides being tired, I’m feeling “okay.” So, of course, that means I need to do “Something Stupid.” Um, Tifa Lockhart, getting railed. How about Momokun, Maiko Mamiya, and Takako Kuga. Oh, stop me, Lady Lunalesca, from looking up sex addict ha. Stop that, or you’ll go blind… My Ma never said that to me. God only knows what my Olds found on their computer. But like I said before, I’ll take physical anguish over the mental any day. This is why I find myself in more pain these days. I’m collecting injuries like M Anime, no offense to her. Of course, my aches and pains are of my own design, Lunalesca. Anything “beats” (snickers) my humiliating Day Job. Or Braxton’s death…

Yeah, there’s a reason I haven’t taped my mouth shut again. Vows of silence Lunalesca. There’s no way to stop my fingers… Oh, really? I busted a knuckle a couple of days ago at the Day Job. I didn’t even feel the pain, only the slickness of the blood. Fascinating. Only you know how I am, Lady Lu. Anytime there is any pain, I become Will from the book “The Amber Spyglass.” He pictured his Lyra, I see B, and then my pain is nothing. Last night I had a nightmare of someone at the door. Now, of course, I must have been scared, considering I woke up. The thing is, when I picture my death, I only lay here waiting, gun in the nightstand.

Dangerous words, but I meant to use it to protect myself, I hope. If B were here, I would have been full of life to protect him. Instead, a busted knuckle, bum heart, blue balls. Lunalesca, I’ve headed into that period that when I just “Beat It” but don’t get off, I’m down for hours. I even took some painkillers. That explains my heart, or is it my liver. Again the physical. It takes away my fear from all the scammers I have been surrounded by. Or faced over these past few days. Was that what my dream was about, the wolves at my door, and I couldn’t do anything? Dreams are messages, and I’d instead dream of bucks, boobies, Braxton. Because You’ll Go B…

405 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will