Tag: Gift

Episode 061 ~Gives Me The Willies~

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Writing has a way of revealing secrets, why don’t I do it more often then, maybe because some secrets should remain under the covers like me, but I decided to get up and live the dream perhaps the nightmare. “Gives Me The Willies”

Friday, August 31, 2018

Episode 061 ~Gives Me The Willies~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Give Me One Reason, not to be scared of horror movies, and I’ll merely say Take A Look At My Life, a testament to The Walking Dead and yeah maybe you’ll say I’m only lazy, there’s no denying that. I’ve been thinking a lot about these people at the day job, celebrating fifteen years on the job, I’m on seven myself and if I should ever make it to fifteen years in retail, do you know what I would want Sophia honestly?

“Hey, sweetheart. Let me tell you something. You, uh, you have my permission. I ever turn into one of those things? Do me a favor, blow my fucking head off.” ― Dawn of the Dead

Does that sound somewhat harsh to you, yesterday to me is not a tale worth retelling, but I’m going to make a real journal entry for once and tell you about today; I woke up about 6:30 am, and my little boy wanted his walk, but daddy was busy playing The Walking Dead. While outside a young girl said “oh no” which is standard for any of the female species upon seeing me, her mother overheard which got her to bring their dog in that’s always running around. Climbed back into bed to continue my Walking Dead session and then broke my No Fap streak again in less than twenty-four hours, I’m not proud of it or what got me off, damn these Beautiful Girls.

“For no particular reason I just kept on going. I ran clear to the ocean. And when I got there, I figured, since I’d gone this far, I might as well turn around, just keep on going. When I got to another ocean, I figured, since I’d gone this far, I might as well just turn back, keep right on going.” ― Forrest Gump (1994)

Woke up so my kid could answer nature’s call and as I told Indiana Gone, I went all “Forrest Gump” since I’d gone this far, I might as well eat breakfast, put on pants, fix another bowl, wash dishes, make the bed, even talk to you. You know something Lady Sophia, I’ve had an epiphany, maybe that’s why dogs are blessed with four legs because today he needed to be the man and I’m no more than an animal, so he loaned me legs. Speaking of being an animal my second epiphany or more an understanding from The Walking Dead or maybe Detroit: Become Human, a bit of both, I haven’t earned the right to be alive Lady Sophia, I live vicariously through the books I read and write, movies, music, games because when I walk outside the thing is:

“But he got real quiet. He said he was dead the minute he stepped in to enemy territory. Every day he woke up and told himself, rest in peace. Now get up and go to war. And then after a few years of pretending he was dead… he made it out alive. That’s the trick of it, I think. We do what we need to do and then, we get to live. But no matter what we find in DC, I know we’ll be okay. Because this is how we survive. We tell ourselves… that we are the walking dead.” ― The Walking Dead 05X10

That’s why I hate “The Day” life to me was never a gift and when two people who gave it regret it why shouldn’t I, sure people at work laugh, people around town too. I give people stuff to do, but if I didn’t exist, people would rest in peace, hell so would I. I don’t have to fear the monsters dear Lady Sophia. I can write to my heart’s content. This life is much scarier. And sitting here another day, going out, almost thirty-four years dodging the box my friend Gives Me The Willies.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 302 ~Never Learned To Wrap~

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They don’t realize how much of an idiot you are until they open it, like my writing and somebody told me once I wear my heart on my sleeve, and of course, nobody wants to see that. Never Learned To Wrap, and I’m terrible at gift giving I suppose

Sunday, April 29, 2018

Lesson 302 ~Never Learned To Wrap~

To Will:
I Am Not Fine Today but “I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday”… no, you would lose what’s left of your mind; how about a birthday, hell no, and Valentine’s everybody knows what they’re getting but you haven’t gotten it on that particular day. They say that it’s better to give than to receive and today you have had a bit of a revelation. That is you have nothing to offer this small world. Seriously are you becoming more depressed or what Will?

Think about it though, rules know creation for a reason, and maybe every person is given one gift and writing isn’t yours; before you say anything, you did complete one of your six impossible things. Anyway, what about the girls that say you have a keen fashion sense, wrapping gifts, e.g., lingerie that some other guy gets to take off of them, that’s not a gift that’s a curse. What about The Simpsons “will somebody please think of the children” yeah introducing a child to Star Wars, really did being a Star Wars fan do me any favors and speaking of favors, six impossible things?

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 43 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 50 No Fap)
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves (Cut The Yard? Find A Pet Groomer)
Completed (Backyard Cut, Two New Groomers Located)
3. I Will Not Trash My New Novel
Completed
4. I Will Complete 50% of VLAD
Completed 77%
5. I Will Post A Review
Completed? Galahad Suns (Today)
6. I Will Finish My Book
Completed

If someone ever asked what’s the best gift you ever gave it would be your presence; and no that doesn’t make you sound conceited, hell look at what you’ve done, the idea that you can even show up for your own life is a miracle. It might be the best thing, and it’s already the worst, but that’s a conversation for Inspector Echo, showing up for a girl, what a test of courage that was. Now that’s a gift you should give yourself, COURAGE, and what men have been known to do in the name of some girl but what about the man in the mirror, next six impossible things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 50 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Edit At Least One More Chapter Of My Novel
4. I Will Complete 100% Of VLAD
5. I Will Post A Review
6. I Will Find Something That Makes Me Courageous

You always find a bit of courage for a few seconds at work, why can’t you hold on to it though, or maybe it’s not so much courage but “Will” and that’s always been the question, holding onto yourself and remember that no Fap rule would you. Maybe that’s the thing, everything you want to give shouldn’t be wrapped or is already, and so you never learned how but what is that thing you have to give at the end?

No you wouldn’t say anything as cheesy as “It’s Only Love” and you’re not that wise, and courage is yours, and never surrender any power and as far as everything else; Never Learned To Wrap.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 247 ~You Don’t Run From Beauty~

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Would you rather be smart or beautiful, if you’re smart you would probably say beautiful, what’s one more dumb person but then again what’s one more pretty face, and I’m pretty stupid sadly. “You Don’t Run From Beauty” never.

Monday, March 5, 2018

Lesson 247 ~You Don’t Run From Beauty~

Twenty-Second Rule Madam Justice

I Am Not Afraid Anymore, my dog is the most fantastic thing ever, and my closet is full of color and skeletons, and as always I have been looked at as more of a beast, but there is no beauty to be found here. Music, Art, Poetry, etc. are beautiful; it’s widely known that medicine, law, business, engineering, these things give us what is thought to be civilization, but the beauty of women at least from my perspective is what gives life and sustains it.

The beauty of a woman is like a car wreck, you should mind your business, but you slow down; you inquire, and next thing you know you’ve created a more significant mess and you might die. At least a beast looks dangerous, cigarettes have warnings galore, but women hell in this day and age I think men are just idiots, which explains all the men in trouble these days; myself included hence the rule. Despite it all, I believe that beauty is a blessing rather than a curse, but that’s from the outside looking in, is it not; I’m not handsome, dashing, anything that can be mistaken for beautiful Justice.

“The only way to survive a mad world is to embrace the madness” The Good Man, Fear the Walking Dead

It was not the beast that conquered beauty but beauty that overcame the creature; I could compare beauty to a virus but don’t I do that with just about everything, the thing is that it’s a virus you want to catch. It infects your mind, makes you dumber and quickly drives you mad, impairs your speech, blinds you both physically and mentally; it makes you hunger for that which is already a gift, life. Speaking of being, what about that which you do not find beautiful, strangely enough, the laws are written by the ugly, and some of the most beautiful who have no intention of becoming ugly don’t want to be known for the beauty that they possess honestly.

If this was that episode of The Twilight Zone “Number 12 Looks Just Like You” I would be dead already, well worse than that maybe and again I already am as I hear people say. All of me, outside and in depending on who you ask. A world full of beauty and I have known ugliness and nothing more so maybe my rule is somewhat off because truthfully whatever could I do to escape it, other than keeping “it” in my pants, my hands to myself, and what’s the rate on bell towers these days?

“Where you gonna go, where you gonna run, where you gonna hide? Nowhere… ’cause there’s no one like you left.” Carol Malone, Body Snatchers (1993)

Madam Justice have I ever been running or am I just letting it kill me, lust is a fever, want, desire, and what is beauty without a beast or could I become a man, a frog kissed by a princess; You Don’t Run From Beauty.

“Well, a respectable member of the medical community once told me that money can make anyone look beautiful.” Too Cute

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 240 ~Get Up And Earn It~

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What are you working for, what do you want, what about when they asked the question in school, what would you do if you had a million dollars; I’d ask how I got a million in the first place. “Get Up And Earn It” and how?

Monday, February 26, 2018

Lesson 240 ~Get Up And Earn It~

“You got a dream… You gotta protect it. People can’t do somethin’ themselves, they wanna tell you you can’t do it. If you want somethin’, go get it. Period.” ― The Pursuit of Happyness (2006)

Twenty-First Rule Madam Justice,

I Am Not Afraid Anymore; I may be lazy, then slow, stupid, a great many things, and we don’t have time to go through them all, but the fact of the matter is, I’m here. Now I know that isn’t good enough for some people, I remember telling a girl I’m up and to come over, probably not the best choice of words but that’s where it starts, getting it up, easier said than done.

“Just reach up.” Planet Terror

So what gets it up for me, I’m trying not to think of some stupid sexual innuendo; if anything I’m too tired for that, and I’ll consider that a good thing. The day job doesn’t do it for me but every morning, I get up, I do what I have to, sometimes that means raising your voice, maybe looking someone in the eye, if anything it’s just putting one foot in front of the other. I think therein lies the problem, you have to keep moving but where am I going, who’s race is this, being up and about with no purpose, no life, only the need to feed, how I envy Carl Grimes now.

Who was it that said life is a gift, every day we all have to go out there and earn it, no it’s not a gift, a privilege, an honor. Madam Justice it’s an obligation, a responsibility, and don’t get me wrong I’m not saying that it doesn’t have its good parts here or there. We can enjoy it without a doubt but it sure as hell ain’t free and there are those who don’t earn but merely steal as though that is there purpose. It always comes back to the question, for me what makes me get up, what is it that I want to earn in the end, what does it all mean?

I could talk about being a family man someday, hell I already am, I get up and work, to keep my dog’s belly full, to make sure he has a good life, to keep him with me because he’s getting old in this world. How many times does it come back to somebody else, I love him like pancakes but my dog, promises to friends, all the assholes I know again what is it that gets me up and makes me want to earn anything.

You know something, maybe I have the rule all wrong, should it be get up and learn it… so many years ago and even worse these days; I need time, Get Up And Earn It.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 227 ~Why Can’t Today Be~

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Valentine’s Day, I can’t say I know much about it and perhaps like most men I curse Hallmark and nearly every other retail outlet but loving your woman is something you should do every day. “Why Can’t Today Be,” other than being short one woman?

Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Lesson 227 ~Why Can’t Today Be~

Dear Future Wife,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, just maybe I should be, and with all the fear I should feel there is nothing in Heaven or Earth that would make me turn around now. Though they say Hell hath no fury but then wouldn’t that melt all the chocolate, you didn’t think I would forget, the first bullet dodged.

Like the first mountain climbed, that one rock skipped, the first step taken, and I know this jewel is not as big but while some men try I will do whatever I can so that you may shine. While I’m no one for history anymore and I couldn’t tell you the day of the gold rush I know what today is and besides they never taught when the silver rush is, do they? Quite careful when picking those lessons like so many roses, lilies, chrysanthemums, there must be a million types of flowers, but at the end of the day there is only one you.

One you and I celebrate you 365 days and if there is a leap day that’s mine and even now I would rather spend it with you if I could. Now I know you’re not that type of girl, you’re not like anyone else, so why not tell you all this tomorrow like any other guy and you know I probably will. Because today is today, I don’t understand how I can call it so, but it was an ordinary day when we first met, our first date, the first I love you, how many firsts on an average day? Who knows what will happen tomorrow, the world may be brighter, a lot shinier, a lot more colorful, and I will love you even more.

The same words but I will be only one of the chorus, I’ll have to be louder, you’ll have to glow but to be sure I would pick any other day in this big full world, anniversary, asking your father for his blessing, even your birthday. To think there was a day that we weren’t together; was it worse trying to find you or a gift trying to keep you, I know I don’t need all of this but am I sure, absolutely, positively, hmm.

That’s the day I’m waiting for, the night, the moment, not today, not tomorrow but one ordinary day when I know, give me that my love, Why Can’t Today Be?

I Will Have No Fear