Tag: Marquis de Joker

Log 118 ~Will, You’ve Eight Enough~

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One weekend it was so many miles, and this weekend it was so many downloads, and I was only hoping for eight hours of sleep, and when I got that well, it still wasn’t enough; I’m so greedy. Will, You’ve Eight Enough

Sunday, October 27, 2019

Log 118 ~Will, You’ve Eight Enough~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but as always, you want more. Today’s first question has to be, why wasn’t eight hours enough. Be honest, at least seven, Cherry is a pretty girl, and that’s that. Speaking of beautiful girls how about this weekend’s current project? Twenty-One girls so far, and that’s not even close to the whole archive. There’s another collection, what about NaNoWriMo, novels, and t-shirts. Yeah, you’re still angry about losing that t-shirt while traveling.

I would say you should sleep on it but eight hours? You have to take better care of yourself, especially to make it through NaNoWriMo. Hell, I had two days, and I couldn’t carve a path through all those emails. What about reading? Dale Carnegie is pretty damn wise (LANGUAGE), but are you? If anything, you’re tired, tense, and tempted. Can’t you say you’re only sick like you’re Firstborn, this weather? You won’t even turn on the heat because you fear another ant invasion and with how you’ve been working lately? Did you forget about Indiana Gone’s wedding gift and birthday present? How about you stop trying to get Cherry to take her clothes off? There’s also the idea of attempting to entice MILF Dos. Your head’s not full of rocks but coins and what about the little head in keeping with Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 009 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Firstborn Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Reducing My Inbox To Zero
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”
    Failed

What does it take to be #1, trust me it’s not looking at porn all day? Dennis Hof had brothels full of ladies, this weekend you have a file. Oh, should we talk about data? Any day now, you’re expecting another email from Norton? What about work having to sign up for HEALTH benefits. Now living this way, no doubt, is pretty brutal, and let’s not talk about any medical problems. Okay, this is the third time you’re mentioning Cherry, but if she isn’t effecting one head, it’s the other. You can’t go into work and talk because you know where that will lead you? Accept the inevitable, how close are you to that principle. Why not try gratitude? You’re not hungry you’re only tired? Every moment when your hands aren’t elsewhere, SIGH. You’re getting things done, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 009 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Firstborn Deserves
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Reducing My Inbox To Zero
  6. I AM Finishing “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”

It’s somewhat like rehab, and you know people who have survived that so another week maybe? You don’t have that kind of time now. Fifty thousand words, I hope you enjoyed; Will, You’ve Eight Enough.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 116 ~Those Who Will Tell~

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Last week around this time, I said I had no energy to tell my story because it was merely a cloud of fear surrounding me, and even sitting in bed back where I belong, there is still so much. Those Who Will Tell because it might not be me anymore

Friday, October 25, 2019

Log 116 ~Those Who Will Tell~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but not a snitch. Now how I wish I knew where that no snitching rule came from anyway. How did I understand the meaning of the term BLACKMAIL by the time I was in first grade? Is this a terrible time to mention it’s one of my favorite genres in Hentai?

Well, no but then again the facts speak for themselves. Shusaku, Eisai Kyoiku, Kojin Taxi/Sex Taxi, The Blackmail Tomorrow Never Ends, etc. Okay, I’m calming down, today isn’t Friday, but I don’t dictate life. Only isn’t that precisely what I’m trying to do being a writer and all. I heard recently “They say life is a bitch, yeah, I know her.” Of course, that explains 90% of what I write if I’m indeed generous. So I have been too much for sharing recently. Hell, I even talked to my “father” a day or so ago about my Ma and her panicking. It’s hard to give words to those that refuse to listen, though I should adopt that NO attitude with more than my son. It wouldn’t help with what I’ve been going through recently, but that’s indeed why I write. Yes, too much, Lady Sophia.

Another email from Norton, I would feel flattered if I was more than a zero. I would tell whoever to quote another song, “It’s not easy to be me.” Every day I’m still learning about the man I am. Do I need to pull out all the reasons that I write? Winston Smith in 1984, talks about getting out his internal monologue. Maybe something to that effect. Nothing I could say will wash away the horrors I keep everywhere. Still, I desire the opportunity to explain rather than have a picture be my possible finale.

For example, if you look at me now, an old man typing in bed. My Firstborn is asleep on my knee while I’m surrounded by Hentai DVDs mostly. Yeah, I had to look up The Blackmail, and for a moment I thought it was lost or stolen. Now Lady Sophia, that’s the whole point of me “coming clean” tonight. It feels like the stories I want to tell are the targets of thieves. The hours I spend at the Day Job, some unknown hacker, the time I sleep away. Meanwhile, What am I publishing, not a damn thing, and I was too lazy to call (LANGUAGE). Those Who Will Tell

I Will Have No Fear

Log 115 ~The Forbidden Dance Will~

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I can remember when I use to dance, my feet had more time back then, but between crawling at work, walking my Firstborn, and trying to run the world from every angle well, the heart of rock and roll is still beating. “The Forbidden Dance Will,” right

Thursday, October 17, 2019

Log 115 ~The Forbidden Dance Will~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I will take dance lessons at some point. SIGH already, this is supposed to be a fun day, but of course, as the song goes, MEMORIES. The last time I danced at a wedding? It was my aunt’s. Yeah, I was much too young to be thinking about girls at that point. My next significant dance memory was freezing still. That’s when some girl was Twerking in my face at my grandparent’s house. My memories don’t mesh with It’s A Southern Thing but Talia Lin, cue Homer Simpson drooling.

Before I lose myself to pity, okay, I’m thinking about Indiana Gone’s wedding, of course. Dear Dirty Diana, I wanted to dance, that’s the “gospel” truth. Only my body would not let me go down that road but 1,500 miles sure. Still ten feet, hell, what about two? I’ve told you fantasies I’ve had, but what about that promise I made? I told myself I would stop the car and dance with my girl to “Drunk On You.” No, I was more inclined to only look it up on Spotify. I should focus on another type of dancing. Only what about that number from Ellie Goulding’s “Love Me Like You Do” so beautiful. What about Final Fantasy VIII, the graduation dance? All this is coming from a guy that wants to shoot porn. I can’t dance like no one’s watching. The worst thing ever, maybe?

She wasn’t exactly asking for the Lambada, Dirty Diana. I talk about how brave I was to show up, and my feet were doing all kinds of dancing. I’m a practicing dominant. I want a girl dancing to my music and nothing else. My voice should be enough for them. You know I’m not one for leather but chains, whips, and lingerie to keep a woman from running away. Now, doesn’t that sound a bit creepy or what’s that other word I almost forgot, hmm?

The List:

  1. Skeevy
  2. Stupid
  3. Merge
  4. Happy

Dancing, to me, is somewhat like laughter. I can laugh, but more often than not, it hurts me though I LOL with the best. I find myself wanting to dance at work, but I’ll do anything to keep from crying. Still, I have nothing against strippers, asses are good, but I’m a breast man. So why couldn’t I have happiness?

It’s The Forbidden Dance Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 114 ~Will Did It Highway~

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Here in my car, I feel frightened of all; even with my locked doors, I might not even live; yeah, that’s a song I don’t know really, let alone an attempt to rewrite, but at least I wasn’t driving all over today. Will Did It Highway yep

Wednesday, October 23, 2019

Log 114 ~Will Did It Highway~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM A Billionaire right now, and I’ll never drive again. Yes, I’m being dramatic and lying, but its been touch and go for a while. Back to the matter at hand, though, October 16, a day where I am surprised I lived. Inspector Echo, that was my first time driving on the highway in years. How’s that for a confession? Now, of course, I’ve been on the highway. My “father” taking me to get the car, The McWane Science Center trip with Indiana Gone “Star Wars.”

Anyway, driving on the highway; not since I was back in high school, do you know how many years that was. What’s my age again, as the song goes? Okay, to get to Indiana Gone’s wedding, it was fourteen hours avoiding my fear or ten and a half going headlong. Hell, do I love that woman, she would probably say yes I do. I can’t say I have any other IRL friends. “Okay,” is not speaking to me, and I’m always trying to see Cherry’s boobs. My Firstborn is having a tantrum; what did they have him sleeping on there? I don’t risk my friends’ lives and besides the most depressing drive is getting to work every day. Who needs the highway when my Day Job is killing me daily? I don’t even need the car to get to that bit of Hell. Still isn’t that the dream, staying home.

I realized only now that I checked the mailbox and didn’t have any tickets. Last week earlier today, I almost crashed into someone. I left early Friday morning, but you know I’m an old man, a blind one, I could have been a dead one. You know I always want to limit lives lost. Didn’t I say that the word “MERGE” ranks right up there with Stupid and Happy? Indeed, I was grateful whenever Siri said for some hundred miles to keep straight. Of course, that didn’t account for gas breaks; how many close calls did I have? Even when I got to the hotel, I took a left instead of a right because I had so much anxiety, and I was exhausted. What about the humiliation of my mother calling when they ran my card in Rockford? More on that Friday I suppose Echo.

For now, I’m sorry I was so afraid, but yes Inspector Will Did It Highway.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 111 ~Will In The 1500s~

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I’m living in another time as another man, and don’t ask me about 1500 unless you’re talking about the miles traveled in two days of my life, but where does one even find the time. “Will In The 1500s,” and more

Sunday, October 20, 2019

Log 111 ~Will In The 1500s~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but would that be enough to fix you? Will, there are so many things I want to say right now. I understand, though, you are exhausted after your journey. Now before you go bawling your eyes out as per usual, I want you to know something. I’m proud of you. I want you to see all that you have accomplished before you let something like SOL get you down. From Thursday to right here and now, who would have thought you were capable? Fuck your feelings (LANGUAGE); let’s deal with facts, don’t we always.

You traveled over 1500 miles total, here to Rockford. Will you crossed paths with people from all walks of life. In a strange city, with only one friend, “The Bride” you went about, well not living. Do you see how quickly negatively enters? Anyway, you went to a wedding. Instead of being embarrassed and yes there was a bit of that, you regret not dancing. You finally hooked up that dashboard, smartphone holder for the trip back. How many of your fears did you look square in the eye and say, “Bring It On.” You found the strength you never knew you had, and you pushed forward. Not to say that the trip wasn’t without losses, but even now, you’re making a plan. Tomorrow you’ll bring your Firstborn back to the house. Alas, there’s always this Will Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Firstborn Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Going To Survive The Week
    Completed
  6. I AM Finishing “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”
    Failed

Number Five, the most significant accomplishment, you’re not dead. Okay, let’s bring on the misery. Everything you brought for two days, and you’re upset with losing a damn shirt. It was your favorite NaNoWriMo T-Shirt, but still. Hell, how many traffic laws did you break on all those highways? You wouldn’t get up on time, and searching for a loss shirt made you later than getting to Rockford. The house doesn’t look ransacked, but you would know everything about hiding things. Even now, we’re still talking, and what time is it now? I could go on forever and a day about things you did wrong, or more like think you did. It’s all in the past. Don’t worry; I won’t ask you to look up the 1500s. You’re no longer a history buff except when oh yeah Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Firstborn Deserves
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Reducing My Inbox To Zero
  6. I AM Finishing “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”

Again I’m so proud, but you’re still worried about 1500 problems that could happen. There’s Past, Present, and Future but ending, Will In The 1500s.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 109 ~The Stories, Will Tell~

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So many tales to tell and so little time or no energy because when you’re fighting fear; well, at least I can say I won, but what about tomorrow and the next day. What is my Firstborn doing; I hope he gets a chance to tell. The Stories, Will Tell heh

Friday, October 18, 2019

Log 109 ~The Stories, Will Tell~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but that’s only one more story. You know how I am with my motivations, so I am grateful to be alive to tell them. Honestly, though, I don’t know what to say. Am I scared, humiliated, exhausted, all of the above and then some? I guess I can say I beat the bastard (Language). Now that particular fellow is FEAR, still waiting for round two. What about my Olds, I knew it was a matter of time before they called checking-in dammit (Language). There is also an email from dear Norton.

I’m too tired to go over any of that, Lady Sophia. Did I mention that I’m mad as Hell, but that’s no surprise? I forget things, I still carry hope, and even when I’m fighting back FEAR, I always screw up. Does it matter how you win a fight against your demons? It does when you have someone you care for, no doubt. I may hate my “old man,” but I could never picture him behaving as I did today. Only one more reason my Firstborn is safe and sound. Hell, my mother is talking to my father right now, and “my place” is a literal crime scene. What is it about people being into me and at the same time not? Again I always carry that hope, and yet I don’t have any condoms and no prospects. I am in my purest form right now, words and nothing else.

I wonder what Indiana Gone would think if she saw me now. I’m shivering, starving, and seeing ghosts. No, I’m not dead yet, but I did give it the good college try. The funny thing is I was trying to stay alive. Well, I did Yoda proud because I was doing that, I’m still right here. I should crack open “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.” Now all I can remember is Day-Tight Compartments, but with everything today? I want to tell you everything, but this story is still in the making. Okay, if I had a list only for tonight, something like this:

  1. Find Food
  2. Answer M Anime
  3. Look Up Indiana Gone’s plans
  4. Play TWD and attempt to recover

I’ll have far too much time to worry, my son, my privacy, the journey here.

Makes me miss my foot hurting, The Stories, Will Tell

I Will Have No Fear

Log 108 ~When Will, Will Come~

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Well, I certainly have been putting my car through its paces, and I have been moving pretty fast in that regard, but today, and tonight for that matter as Romeo put it sad hours seem long, but he was talking about a woman. “When Will, Will Come”

Thursday, October 17, 2019

Log 108 ~When Will, Will Come~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana
I AM a Billionaire right now, but it can’t patch the hole in my heart. Speaking of patching holes SIGH, you’ll have to excuse me for not feeling sexier this evening. Anyway, I wouldn’t mind a woman asking me that question, when will I come. Wait, don’t I have a woman asking me that question? Well, she’s spoken for or will be in a couple of days. The thing is, though, what I did today was harder than yesterday. Wednesday scared the crap out of me, but today it only hurts.

I’m talking about my heart for once and not a case of Blue Balls. Hell, Dennis Hof was loving so many women but loved his dog Domino more than any of them. Half a million for a dog, and my Firstborn has two bottles of meds. He also has five packs of food and his favorite toy. Right now, as the song goes, “And everyday I wake up, with a naked lady” but right now, yeah, I’m soft. A single father with only my little boy, I do remember a time I was a hopeless romantic. You know I’m a true believer in the living dead? Count Jesus, and you might consider me a Christian. When’s the last time I’ve been in a church anyway. Let’s not talk about some of the fantasies I once imagined. Did I say that on a Thursday, this is all about fucking sexual ideology? I don’t even watch my language today; it’s my day.

In truth, I’ll be glad when it’s all over. Indiana Gone “The Bride” was telling me about the work she was doing. I said weddings are work, but they should be fun. Imagine what a wreck I’ll be when I meet some girl. She’s out there, somewhere. Indiana Gone asked when she’ll attend my wedding, and I said, “when the dead walk the earth.” Yeah, I’ll meet my Maggie, my Enid, the dream is Alicia. Such names would usually get me hard. If I wanted to come, I could think of a million different reasons. The only coming I’m doing, though, is a wedding, a dog hotel, and all the fears that await me tomorrow morning. You could tell me I could fuck any woman, but I would only want to get back to here.

Now I’m sitting alone, others asking, When Will. Will Come?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 107 ~Must Go Faster Will~

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Last week I talked about the open road, got my driver’s license renewed, found my way to my kid’s hotel, and even visited with my Olds, good thing I got the car fixed, but where am I off to now? Must Go Faster Will.

Wednesday, October 16, 2019

Log 107 ~Must Go Faster Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM A Billionaire right now, so sorry Bernie Sanders I want mine. For now, I’ll settle with being fearless, the impossible dream I know. Hell, what I did today I would have at one point said was impossible. A rite of passage if you will, like losing your virginity, getting a job, or getting married. The things I will do for a woman as always. So what is it I did today besides make my Firstborn look like a hippie, or is it Bohemian? You know I wish I could tell you, it’s too humiliating Inspector.

It’s something to the tune of Franklin Clinton’s first “job.” Am I the only one who walks into a bank and thinks how to take one down. No Inspector Echo, but I would have been paying somebody all sorts of money when I was downtown today. If anything, I would have died well dressed, and let’s not get started on my driver’s license photo. It’s how I felt at the time, all wide-eyed and panicked, which explains why I’m not sleeping. I’ve seen everything today, and even my Olds didn’t scare me as much as my actions. You want embarrassing, asking everyone about my shirt. Scared to put on my Firstborn’s collar because he hates getting dressed. Was he tacky at TheDogStop that the ladies gave me another collar for him? It was free, but nearly wrecking today on the highway wouldn’t be I know.

I’m still “trying” to read How To Stop Worrying And Start Living. Strange I was living by one of the principles, imagine the worst, accept it, improve it too. I’m sitting there thinking, the worst thing that could happen is I die. I’m not suicidal, Inspector Echo. It was sort of like GTA when flying a plane. Taking off and landing, that’s the hard part. Once you’re coasting along, well you have time to reflect. I won’t lie to you Inspector Echo I’m still scared. The thing is I didn’t die, and I know what I did must be done. I know if I expect to have a wife and a family if I want to get anywhere in the world. My little boy faced his fear so why can’t I? Eric Thomas talks about running towards the fight, and I’ve been running away forever.

Sorry, if I want the world, Must Go Faster Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 104 ~What Paper WILL Do~

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Every day I ask myself what I want to write tomorrow; I suppose that’s why my blog is no good, too busy living in the past, and the future, but hell, I was up at six, and only my furry kid is next to me. “What Paper Will Do?”

Sunday, October 13, 2019

Log 104 ~What Paper WILL Do~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I’m never going back again. Neither are you, being that boy who thought $200.00 was enough. Hell for $300.00, you wanted a little ass and nice tits. Will that was only eight years ago, and you know what you’ve feared ever since. Just takes two little words, “you’re fired.” One more reason you’re a writer, you’ve seen what the right paper can do with the wrong words. The right paper, the right time, but the wrongest words possible. Is Negan a suitable role model these days?

Anyway, after those school days were done, why should you fear any writing? Let’s start with how you ended last night, the Governor, aka Fandom Spotlite correcting me about Fair Use. If anything, I’m ashamed I sounded like Trump both not knowing or straight-up lying. Now I brought up school, and grades didn’t lie. Yes, you know you can’t live in the past, but that’s the thing. I go walking into a store, and still, people look at me “strange,” and then they have to speak. STUPID is still a dirty word and FAILURE is worst than Fuck (LANGUAGE). Of course, we have this list of six impossible things that you look at every single week. It never goes away, and even now, you wonder what you’re going to do now. Well, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Firstborn Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Preparing For Indiana Gone’s Wedding
    Completed
  6. I AM Finishing “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”
    Failed

Number five for the win and the bare minimum. It’s no secret even now you’re a scrooge and still so hoity-toity. Grandma might have had a point about your pride. Make no mistake; you deserve five-stars. Nevertheless, you’re willing to settle for three, Courtyard By Marriott. Now you’ll go for two as green paper trumps reviews. Again you could be wrong because your comfort is one thing but spare no expense for your Firstborn. Why not bring him along than leaving him with strangers? The place could have five stars and still wouldn’t be good enough for him. On the other side, you have never succeeded in being the father he deserves. Every piece of paper has called you a failure or the person writing is a liar. Only you are with Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Firstborn Deserves
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Going To Survive The Week
  6. I AM Finishing “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”

I know what I want from you. Will, you know what you want from yourself. It’s never a secret, it’s here and black and white. You understand the power above everything What Paper Will Do.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 102 ~Penning, Petting, Punching, Will~

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My week has been a punishing one, to say the least, when it should be a publishing one but shouldn’t they all be; you can tell that to the people I work for, wasn’t I supposed to be off today, nope. Penning, Petting, Punching, Will, I think

Friday, October 11, 2019

Log 102 ~Penning, Petting, Punching, Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now or at least pretending this is living. When’s the last time I even saw the Den, having confined myself to bed. In sickness and in health, but that’s more Indiana Gone’s thing at the moment. If I were getting married, I would love getting lost in a hotel room and a pretty little wife for a few days. Not sleeping, ha.

I can’t say I have been working on wedding vows ever. When I was walking my Firstborn today, I was working on political speeches. Once upon a time, I wished to be the Secretary of Defense. Hell my mentor, wasn’t only a Pimp but ran for office and won after death. In all honesty, if given such a choice though I would still be a provider of beautiful women than the President. You deal with people, but as I show, I do a lot for pussy (LANGUAGE). You know how I get with alliteration, and I haven’t been working on Pinterest. What about my terrific model search? I need to go ahead and publish the book first. I’m a writer even here in my bed because the car was again, very expensive. The pen is mightier than the penis, perhaps.

My Firstborn is quite understanding of my exhaustion. From sitting in waiting rooms to shopping for food, friends, and fighting spirit. The Day Job is wiping me out, but yeah I need the money. For the first time in some time, I can say I worked over forty hours. My motivations would say be grateful. Of course everyone else would add, hello this is America and welcome to it boy. My son, though, deserves extra petting with everything happening now.

Life is hard, which is simply a fact. Every day Lady Sophia it’s as if I am at war with myself fighting to be something more. All my motivations would say be yourself, and The Matrix shows know thyself. Now here I am writing, and I ask the question, do you see me changing or evolving at all. I could always check and see who I was at this time three years ago. If I’m honest I think it would hurt to see. Again life is hard, and the truth hurts, repeated lessons as always My Lady. I told Cherry, I’m a reflective gangbanger, quite often Penning, Petting, Punching, Will.

I Will Have No Fear