Tag: Silence

Log 254 ~Now That’s Will Silence~

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It’s quiet, too quiet or I’m going deaf in one way or another, I swear the things we learn to live with and why should we, I don’t like raising my voice I know that when there’s such great music and books. Now That’s Will Silence.

Wednesday, March 11, 2020

Log 254 ~Now That’s Will Silence~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but shouldn’t silence come free. Yes, Inspector Echo, the humming continues, and I’m back to the drawing board as to the cause. Well, unless I would like to scream as I fall off the roof. Knowing me, though, I would never only we’ll get to that. At least on Sunday, I heard something quite beautiful. Eugene and his “ladylove” Stephanie singing. I have a few in my life though, one’s married, another is asexual, and shall we talk about the one I’ve wanted to see naked.

Keep it PG, well I am trying Inspector Echo. If we have to talk about something in my pants, what about the money I saved today? I know I was craving McDonald’s as always, but I only bought what I needed from the store today (Monday). While this might sound mundane and give way to gross thoughts, I bought stuff to unclog the toilet. I still need to buy a new toilet seat for downstairs, but nobody is complaining. Of course, then we have my Old Man. I finally told him the other car isn’t working, won’t even start now. Not that I was using it, but yeah, I’m losing it, and nevertheless, that’s a blow. You know I’m a hoarder of everything, but when did I become a car guy? Still, I must be silent, I wasn’t paying for the car, so it’s his.

I can’t give him any more of my problems like Norton and H&R Block. You tell me not to worry, and perhaps it’s been a week of nothing. No warnings, no alerts, no fear, but if I’m not obsessing over that, what else is there? Cherry, I haven’t spoken to her in a couple of days. I didn’t tell her to shut up. But don’t I know how to drive a girl away. At least it broke me out of my pantyhose/stockings/thigh high fetish for now. I’ll confess, Fechikano isn’t going away anytime soon. Still, I go back and forth when it comes to what a girl says. I’ve talked about audiobooks and how I enjoyed listening to the character of Rainey Summer Day. One word, “Daddy.” I finished “Lust” today, but Chasity Griffin shudders. Finally, there’s my new fetish, let’s say, the girls don’t talk much, not at all.

Sorry about that Inspector Echo so, Now That’ Will Silence.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 243 ~You Willie A Critic~

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Doesn’t The Bible say something about judging others, and I’ve seen parts that would give certain paysites a run for their money with the raunchiness to be sure, and here I am saying I would never be a man of God. “You Willie A Critic”

Saturday, February 29, 2020

Log 243 ~You Willie A Critic~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and it’s not for being funny. It’s not for being smart, a Republican, or even myself. Now, if it was for being STUPID, that’s the only reason I would give the money back. Lady Lu, I can’t stand STUPIDITY for its own sake ever. To this day, I wouldn’t mind being as controversial as the Marquis de Sade. It’s been a long day since I have felt this fire burning inside me to write. For two days straight, I have forgone naps because of this story.

“A Sin Full Of Cherry,” and no, I’m not thinking about changing the name. Facebook made that abundantly clear, and why am I so mad? As Metallica screamed, “Gimme fuel Gimme fire, Gimme that which I desire,” and I need it Lady Lu. These past few days have been all about rage at everything. It feels like everything is falling away. You also know how I like my list. The Den is still HUMMING. The toilet seat is still useless in the half bath. One of my cars still isn’t working, and the radio in my second car has gone silent. How about that, the one place I want some silence is loud and where I need noise I get quiet. Well, it has given me more than enough time to listen to Audible. Only today (Wednesday), I finished listening to The Gargoyle. Now I’ve moved onto Beauty and The Professor. Oh, I also made a playlist for my novella, not much yet to share.

Let me tell you this. I’m not reading today; I want to work on my book. Am I that weak Lady Lu for you know who? How can a writer be as such, we create worlds and people; you think I was going to mention God? Well, I did make my character a Minister. Once upon a time, there was this church lady who told me I would become a minister. I’m sure this isn’t what she had in mind. How many times have I said it, build paradise, be surrounded by pretty “angels.” While also like My Dæmon, finding a multitude of comfy spots and never getting up until hunger demands. However, with his face, he’s never going hungry, and as for me, Lady Lu? Well, my life isn’t the most prolific thing of all, but how many stars?

No, You Willie A Critic?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 222 ~Angry, WILLful, Arrogant, More~

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SHE said I have anger problems, and yes, that makes me mad because it means I’m like my father, or as Master Yoda puts is Fear leads to anger, and then to hate, but perhaps I have other qualities? “Angry, WILLful, Arrogant, More.”

Saturday, February 8, 2020

Log 222 ~Angry, WILLful, Arrogant, More~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so how can I be mad. Now I won’t lie to you; if I were part of the 1%, I would be angry losing my paper. I’m not even close yet, but I hate spending money. Yes, I know Lady Lu, this coming from the man that spends money on GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS. Isn’t that exactly why it’s taking so long to talk to you tonight? Last night I was plenty angry with Trump, and so I am tonight. A wealthy white guy is proving once more that his kind can get away with anything. Only this is supposed to be about me, am I right?

A Wednesday night because I don’t feel like getting up Thursday morning? Lady Lu, that’s something that makes me angry, my laziness. I spent another afternoon not doing anything for myself. No, I slept only to wake up to the 1% doing away with the law. I would say than anger takes a lot out of me, but yeah, I did the same thing yesterday. Today though, I almost lost it with “Coal.” I let pretty girls get away with a lot but the ugly ones? Okay, so you’re telling me that’s not nice, but I do mean her personality; for the most part. I finished Dennis Hof’s book on Audible again today. It only got me madder at myself that I can’t be him. Well, I could, but that would require me to get off my behind. I tell Cherry that sometimes if I could only get to work and I shouldn’t even be talking about her. Black Pantyhose/Stockings and “Fechikano!” and that’s that.

So we have early mornings, STUPID people at work, and my lackluster attitude if it’s not my chosen field. What about other stuff I can’t do, the humming is still going on Lady Lu. I could make a call, but what about tomorrow? What about my forgetfulness? Did I say something about leaving the trunk open all night before once?

If I can’t trust myself with every day, how can I remember even to make a phone call, as I would? I still miss Far Cry 5 and reading, don’t I? “THEY,” say we have two wolves inside us, and they worked together to eat a third. There’s HATE, and there’s FEAR. Always hungry, never full, Angry, WILLful, Arrogant, More.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 215 ~The Will Is Silence~

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Every little bit of silence, I feel hope, funny I didn’t mention how my phone has scared me with every single sound and was that only last week, and now I need more noises to terrify me 24/7? The Will Is Silence, I hope.

Saturday, February 01, 2020

Log 215 ~The Will Is Silence~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I know why people pay so much for silence. It’s always my fault, you know, everything. Now Lady Lu, that’s some noise. The voice inside my head. And not the hum that’s coming through loud and clear now that I’ve cut the fan off. You know how often I talk about gratitude, the one point all my motivations agree on; it never fails. I should have been grateful for the ants last year because even that beats the constant humming. Had I kept my work ethic to see Alice Little, I would have more than enough money to not worry about the problem I’m facing.

A horse, how about my kingdom for a ladder? While I’m speaking on standing tall, I should work on growing a spine. Well, I did get a haircut, but I hesitated at the post office. I wouldn’t honk at the person at the drive-thru, and instead, I was going around. My biggest sin of all? I didn’t call back the electrician on this humming, and why? I’m afraid Lady Lu, of being in the way. The sun keeps rising, the world keeps spinning, and I don’t want to bother anyone. Today I bought a stethoscope trying to hear through the walls. Tomorrow I might buy a ladder so I can get to the roof myself. I’m not suicidal, but I would indeed kill myself before asking for help. Even dying, somebody would have to go around me, and so like I said yesterday, I’m Alive.

How about my poor dæmon, he must be going crazy with the noise, but he stays cuddling me wanting to help. He’s getting too old for all the foolishness though he still barks from time to time. My ear still hurts, and I ran over my big toe with the garbage can trying to make it to the roof. I could have fried myself with all of those switches trying to kill the noise. My greatest wish is for silence, especially now, one more day where I’m not reading. I’m still looking towards my future, so will the next two days come around, and I will be laughing about this problem? What about next Saturday, if I’m not crazy by then or my kid goes all Children of the Corn.

Somehow, One Day, only a second The Will Is Silence.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 215 ~Forty, William To Will~

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All it takes to motivate me, sleep, sex, or a speech and that also explains why I’m not writing, and at this rate, I’ll never make it to forty but then what’s my age again… does it matter to the man in the mirror? Forty, William To Will, but not yet.

Friday, February 1, 2019

Episode 215 ~Forty, William To Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, forget who you are; can’t say I have ever seen myself as an actor, I don’t use a pen name, I have nothing but respect for porn stars but “Willie Long Stroke” will probably never see the light of day, and B III is camera shy. We are who we choose to be, but the thing is I feel sort of like a transformer instead of one that should constantly “EVOL” if you spell that backward you get love but anyway it’s like every day I forget who I am to be either worse or what others expect and then you.

I need you to remind me of whoever; leave it to a man to want to know what he looks like through a woman’s eyes… in touch with his feminine side, someone said about Todd Chrisley. Make no mistake Lady Sophia, I would fuck the Hell out of Savannah Chrisley (watch your language) needed to get some manhood points back after this morning finally losing my “No Fap” streak after forty days. All it took was Court Carmody, my MILF pornstar, Savannah Chrisley, Ellen Page, and Sabrina Nichole; can’t say I’m not equal opportunity pervert.

A man can say more with a woman on his arm than anything but god I love writing, and so you ask me Lady Sophia why I’m not doing it more often, why don’t I FOCUS… hell, I need to write a list of words like that. No, I would rather listen, if you asked me did my father ever give me any sage advice then the answer is no, but I spend my days on Spotify getting MOTIVATED by Eric Thomas, Tom Bilyeu, Fearless Motivation. On Youtube I see videos of Greg Plitt, Will Smith; I read Dennis Hof and how I am trying to finish Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov, never too old to stop learning, a plethora of dirty things made so dull.

Something I never want to be, BORING, AVERAGE, a TRYER and I’m possibly that much worse Lady Sophia but mostly I’m EXHAUSTED, and as the song goes, It Doesn’t Matter, but here we are having wasted another day. In a little more than five years I will be forty, and if I live that long I can’t only be Will, I refuse, but I see a better man slipping away daily, Forty, William To Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 208 ~Willing Of The Story~

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The hero of your story, a motivation of mine mentions that but when’s the last time I wrote anything of value, and though I’m not reading such and such, some words that can’t be forgotten the man I was. “Willing Of The Story”

Friday, January 25, 2019

Episode 208 ~Willing Of The Story~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, now that’s a story I plan on hearing one of these days, how about writing, hell I want a movie deal, I even wrote a bit of a synopsis years ago, not for the money but more ghost in the machine, a twist on Love Machine. Not exactly an original tale, computers in love with girls or guys in love with computers, can’t say I even like the one in my head now… my brain, this morning I was reminded of the story that brought me back to my writing sadly.

Honestly, I don’t care to relive that tale, but ideas hit like that sometime; I’m sure I told you that books are potent weapons and what are we writers… arms dealers that fill up armories known as libraries. Authoritarian regimes that seek to rewrite the world in our image, that wish to rule so many souls, even if it is only the one within us, to burn the world to cinders and yet have a history of it. Almighty gods, all-powerful beings become both prince and pauper, at the end of ballpoint pens, chutes of paper, and the dick (Language yes I know) what inspires my wanton whims these days.

Villain am I none, or so I would like to believe, I didn’t fuck up at work (stop swearing), I didn’t waste another day away… a tossup between the MILF, “reading” Lolita, and watching Far Cry 5, and seeing the world descend into the Land Of Confusion. Will, the force of, the power of, iron and hell it’s not even my complete name, yeah I don’t feel so good, one of my olds is coming over and let me say that I have a case of the willies that I can’t shake for anything. XXX films aren’t helping but who says they can’t write a decent story, take erotica for example; what inspires a man to enslave the ideology, identities, and insanity of the world only to become a slave, senseless, sanity ridden, so and so in mere seconds truthfully?

That isn’t to say writers can’t be heroes, only can you call yourself that when you’re attempting to save yourself, yeah plenty of books help people, I had a self-help phase once upon a time, long forgotten unless you count my studies of Solanum. One more reason I’m a writer maybe, better to be on the cover than anywhere else because a long time ago ha I was a villain Sophia, Willing Of The Story.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 201 ~Your Will Is King~

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I have dreamed a dream, and most I can’t remember, but it’s the ones that stick with me that I have to worry about, especially since I wasn’t reading this morning but writing this in my head and how they say, so let it be written… “Your Will Is King”

Friday, January 18, 2019

Episode 201 ~Your Will Is King~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, or how about staying in the black, because I wasn’t yesterday going over budget, I don’t regularly read black writers though I can say I didn’t read period when it comes to this morning, and usually my dreams are snow white. Hell, the last story I wrote with African American women… Some Assembly Required maybe, and two characters are archetypes of Alicia Keys and Zoë Kravitz, now that’s bound to tick somebody off am I right?

Now I’m nowhere near Martin Luther King Jr and already how dare I blame his birthday, my fascination with True Teen Babes or my “gift” of prophecy but I Have A Dream or had last night, and per usual, this is one of those I deem worthy of merit and fear. It was about this girl at the day job, and honestly, pickings are slim but this one girl who reminded me of Amandla Stenberg and “Rainbow” and honestly I found her so beautiful but in my dream while she was an object of lust she was also taboo. I never know what my “important” dreams mean until after the trouble, stay away from her, other black women have stirred up trouble these days, maybe my darker interests will be exposed sooner or later shudders

Not like I haven’t written about a variety of white women and as far as most black people hell Lady Sophia I might give Steve King a run for his money and maybe that’s it, my dream might be asking me am I willing to stand for my words. At this point, I have nothing to lose, or it could be telling me I’m overlooking potential, and I have learned my lesson about doing anything in the workplace, again this week I’ve lost sleep, music, friendships; be myself… I shouldn’t.

I’m a fucking horror show (Language) like Stephen King, but it felt so good Lady Sophia, long story short; I was at my grand mommy’s house, (father’s side is my grandma, mother’s side my grandmommy) anyway this was the last time I remember actively chasing little black girls. So day job girl is dancing in pajamas in the guest room, and next thing I know we’re dancing together and fall to the bed and I’m scared to move but she touches my cheek, and I touch hers and let’s say we’re moving into Dirty Diana territory but more romantic. Maybe I think I’m better than her which would be a terrible thought, but don’t I believe deep down I’m higher than most African Americans? Again horrible, and I can’t merely accept this was a dream about a pretty girl I would sleep with but my dreams Lady Sophia, I should tell the man in the mirror, Your Will Is King.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 158 ~An Air Of Will~

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Ball gags, panties, and girls to wear them that is me being nice because I want people to shut up for a while, my anxiety spiked today, and it was like I couldn’t breathe, and what was it I wanted in that moment, who knows. “An Air Of Will”

Thursday, December 6, 2018

Episode 158 ~An Air Of Will~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
How To Make One Million Dollars, want it more than anything else; one of my favorite Motivations is when Eric Thomas, retells the story of Socrates, saying that when you want to succeed as bad as you want that next breath, you’ll be successful. I also remember the Hentai “Isaku” where one of the male leads speaks about what he’s willing to do to have what he wants and considering what he and Isaku do to their victims… there aren’t words.

Well yeah, there are but none I’m in the mood to say despite the WARNING if anything I only wish people would shut up at the moment and while I consider communication a factor to good sex, well part of being a Dom, is the ability to read a submissive. Honestly, BDSM is a lot of paperwork and then Green, Yellow, Red, unless we’re talking about “No Safeword” by Claire Thompson, talk about Dominant goals. Better yet talk about reading goals, that’s what I’m missing right now, delving into literature, again with the Motivations, one said that Bill Gates reads a book a week; if anything that’s what I want.

No Dirty Diana, you would say all I want to do is sleep, one more reason I would prefer a submissive that isn’t a masochist… those tendencies sure, but the worst thing you can do to a masochist is ignoring them. On days like this I would be too wrapped up in my pain, and while I’m not attempting to make Christian Grey out as a decent role model, the sadist in me, making someone feel an iota of the hurt that I endure and then resting in it accepting it. Yeah, I’m not looking for the answer, I want the silence but within it, the tears that I’m not supposed to cry, those breaths I can’t seem to catch, the shading I can’t see on my face, how idiots would say I tried blushing.

Christian was reliving his childhood through his submissives, women who reminded him of his mother; my mom is powerful, intelligent, a survivor; hmm and usually quite apologetic for the men in her life, she would apologize for my “father” forever. My mom could never tell anyone how he hurt her and while I’ll never be a man that harms women as he did, my ravishment fantasies, wanting someone that can shut the hell up under duress, An Air Of Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 145 ~Will Read The Directions~

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Do you honestly believe I’m going to follow the rules for 5000 words today, hell if I did my novel would be completed this weekend but sleeping my life away is quite simple, I know the way to my pillow? “Will Read The Directions.”

Friday, November 23, 2018

Episode 145 ~Will Read The Directions~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, for example, I still can’t find those but if it involves writing every day well… Here I Am; it’s one thirty in the morning and while my motivations talk about not talking about work, let your success make the noise again I’m here. Emails about making it to 40,000 words, my alarm clocks telling me I should have been in bed hours ago and ready to go off about work, and of course, however, I choose to procrastinate at this time.

How many energy shots is it safe to take, how long are turkey and ham good for maybe? Is there a maximum number of emails some people can have ever? How much is a business allowed? I’m looking at you Office Depot. If my life was in a grocery store and I had to read the directions on how my goose gets cooked, believe me when I say, I would put it back down; I know you were expecting a song like Indiana Gone right, so I’m Gonna Make It. I can’t say I miss people telling me what to do… yeah when did it ever end, day job and all but nobody told me how to survive yesterday and somehow it got done, but “men” are supposed to know right, even now I hate looking to others which shouldn’t surprise me, I still hate looking in the mirror because I don’t recognize my reflection.

The things I know how to do are things that I hate and the things that I love hell Lady Sophia I have no idea, take “B III” for example; every week don’t I fail at being the father I should be, I take him for walks, change his pad, give him his meds on time. Nobody teaches you how to be a dad, and don’t get me started on my “Father” I don’t have that money or patience, plus despite my novel I respect women, and I don’t want my kids to be afraid. The thing is I am terrified all the time because that’s one more set of directions they leave out; so many things I need to write but it all gets to be a bit much and even if I wrote it all down tonight would I read it in the morning?

We both know the answer to such things right, four hundred words a day, 365 days in a year, 120,000 words. That’s a novel unless we were playing by NaNoWriMo rules and that keeps me going I know. I’m also good at reading bills but not who’s on my money not that it matters but shouldn’t it all, hell look at Trump, and the only things he “learns” is bad press but when the phrase people use is “WTF is he doing” I think I better find some damn instructions for life. Now if you hand me the Bible I swear I’m going Fahrenheit 451; Will Read The Directions.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 138 ~To Will Wash History~

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History is at the mercy of the victor’s whims, but I always like to believe that it’s the wheelhouse survivors, then again Hitler’s book was a best seller, and most of the erotica I read is from white women, but here I am. “To Will Wash History”

Friday, November 16, 2018

Episode 138 ~To Will Wash History~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, but it wouldn’t matter if I did anyway as no amount of money can cover up the truth but the thing is, that enough of it does make it easier to live with some way. Right now I’m doing what I do for free so no wonder it’s so damn difficult to keep going over it, hell if people can’t get past the title, that has changed, but still, there’s Facebook.

Of course, I could always delete it but what kind of man would I be because there still is that belief that one of these days I’ll be bragging to these people and I want evidence that even though I screwed up plenty, here I am writing my victory speech, rather than my concession. I’ve said before that I write so much attempting to outrun certain words, ideas, and names but I can never control all of it; hasn’t it been a while since I thought of the “Fly Girl” better left to the past. The thing is I wish I could forget today’s writing for Pay Two Plague, how about erasing the schedule at work, and always the words I speak, but there is an Echo for one reason or another in my head… yeah, Where Is My Mind?

If anything My Lady, do you know how many times I’ve written “My Master” but that’s another story literally, my brain would be about as useless as the backspace and delete keys and 27,500 words I don’t care to explain. Speaking of words, I don’t need *ahem* Raid: Ant Baits, when I’m not busy writing I’m putting down ant invasions and those pieces of sh*t, both bug and weapon are not worth anything. For tonight it’s looking like I don’t have to tell you in horror stories but Then The Morning Comes, I’m going for five thousand words, NaNoWriMo is a word I have come to respect and admire, but my words don’t do it justice to be completely honest.

How many words will it take to drown out the past, how many to make the present worth living and how many to rewrite the future because what I know and even what I don’t is not worth reading. It’s like 1984 with everyone else’s words I wonder of my existence. Do I honestly want to, this weekend the day job will see since I’m not going in and I don’t want to with Black Friday coming, but there’s no way To Will Wash History?

I Will Have No Fear