Category: Man In The Mirror

Lesson 197 ~A Five Star Life~

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Never did I think that I would have as much as I do at this moment, it’s not five stars, but it is a place, it’s comfort, but I still can’t say it’s home, even now I can’t say that it’s my life either. “A Five Star Life,” how I’m trying so hard hmm..

Sunday, January 14, 2018

Lesson 197 ~A Five Star Life~

To Will:
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, just something new I want you to try as you consider what kind of life you want, all five star and such. This week has been all about the numbers right, and you’ll have all week to not think about it, but maybe we should mention last week’s goal, while the past indeed continues to haunt us sadly.

1. You replaced the lightbulb
2. You gave it an honest try at work, “EVOLUTION” does not happen overnight
3. Somehow even Haley Pullos was not enough for you to unzip
4. Thinking is not writing
5. The blog is still somewhat in shambles, (more on that)
6. Talking to a female yes, but no potential bed buddies, no numbers

This week has been all about the numbers, whether it be banking, the hours you’re getting at work, Braxton’s two eyes, or days left with a friend amongst other things. Sleep is for winners, and if you’re going to be up all night long you might as well be doing something productive, idle hands you know, and these words are going to be your salvation, yeah I know, too tired to laugh if you could only cut that stuff out at work. Speaking of cutting things out, I hope you don’t repeat my “Nero” mistake from last night, remember how I said I Am Not Afraid Anymore, I’m going to need you to believe that, just like you have faith in taking that next breath. It was like something off of GTA, when crime nets you five stars, but it was worst back then six.

Remember the blog is still in shambles, and I moved all the work back to the old one, and then I was afraid, “she who would not be named” would see, and we would lose everything. Not to mention, cops, restraining orders, firings, bringing me back to absolute zero. The only zero is her, no more thoughts, no more time, no more cares, I mean no worries, three little birds, “Two Fux” and everything in-between. Will, you can’t afford to build an empire in minutes and then spend half the night burning it down to the ground for one bitch.

Maybe that should be this week’s goal, to not say one more word about some whack-ass, no-respect-giving bitch, I could continue and of course debate this, being the guy I am but that’s just it, you’re not me today. Every week the overall goal is for you to be a better man, to live a life worth having an may Braxton keep his two eyes and not go blind from Cataracts so he can see it one day not someday.

No more “she who will not be named” no more wasting time, you’ll have to work don’t you know to have A Five Star Life.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 190 ~Hot And You’re Cold~

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I’m so cold and when I start to warm up… it’s a disease this thing called lust but there is a fire burning in my mind, or a single lightbulb, but it’s not all dark in there and if the dog can enjoy the sun. “Hot And You’re Cold”; not a meteorologist

Sunday, January 7, 2018

Lesson 190 ~Hot And You’re Cold~

To Will:
No Fear, and Happy New Year, okay let’s be honest for once, it’s a new year, and you’re still here, a benefit of being in the dark I suppose. Speaking of honesty, remember when you wanted to be a weatherman, the epitome of fake it to you make, this year you could use some of that when it comes to being a writer, a co-worker, and maybe just maybe a real man truthfully.

As a writer, it’s hit and miss, your brain will be on fire with all the new ideas but the idea is the virus, and the words are the cure, so the question becomes why aren’t you working, well look at you now. The real Hell is the day job, and how do they said, when “Hell” freezes over, are you the only one that knows anything about Dante’s Inferno, and they wonder why you don’t talk. You must be cool, calm, and collected, almost ice for that hard cold cash. You need plenty to survive, to pay for the fever that will possess you.

Talk about manhood right but isn’t one of your resolutions to meet someone in the biblical sense, you still have time, but like us talking right now, you have to get better, there is no tomorrow. Depression can be a real bitch too and I know you feel like you could use a good cry or any other sort of release am I right? If anything I’m stressing this. Unfortunately, you can’t stay toasty warm no matter what. Not in your bed or your hoody. What about a nice warm shower which I think I will recommend. The day job will come whether you like it or not and the stress has been getting you.

So since I won’t be getting that from “Alice In Wonderland” yeah that’s a discussion for Dirty Diana I will instead take another practice, six impossible things this week, why don’t we count them Will:

1. Replace the lightbulb
2. Don’t You Laugh, Don’t You Smile, Don’t You Make A Funny Face, At Work Silence Is Better Than Placation
3. Keep It In Your Pants
4. Work On One Of My Novels
5. Find Out What’s Wrong With The Blog
6. Talk To A Girl; No Get Her Number Will

Do any of those seem possible this week for you, all of them should be, but I know how you feel, and lukewarm isn’t enough anymore and aren’t you sick of the cold, but why so Hot And You’re Cold

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 183 ~Time To Work Sparky~

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At the closing of the year *sigh* I’m exhausted, and I will be, but maybe this year I will try something different, perhaps this year I will live instead of just surviving, no more usual. “Time To Work Sparky.”

Sunday, December 31, 2017

Lesson 183 ~Time To Work Sparky~

“We are the spark, that will light the fire that’ll burn the First Order down.” Star Wars: The Last Jedi

To Will:
No Fear and we’ll start here and end here only to begin again; to be honest fireworks scare me and let that be the last deep dark secret I share with you because you will be a much braver man. Perhaps today is a day for grand declarations and if I have to think of one for you, Will you won’t just be a man you’ll be the man, and you’re doing great.

Do you even remember how you spent last New Year’s Eve because I don’t, but already, you’ll be out amongst people, you’ll have a friend that has two legs and while you’ll be exhausted tomorrow morning as the kids say nowadays, YOLO? I know it doesn’t sound as exciting as watching religious propaganda… what some of those movies are awesome, yet another secret but anyway that was a good night, and there is no reason not to think the best of this one. Speaking of which I don’t expect you to get over fear in one night, we’re talking decades but again, today is the first day of the rest of your life, just yours.

“I don’t know where I’m going
But I sure know where I’ve been
Hanging on the promises
In songs of yesterday

And I’ve made up my mind,
I ain’t wasting no more time” ― Whitesnake

There are too many statements that all contradict each other, maybe we should stick with the words of Whitesnake’s “Here I Go Again” because this is what you’ll have to do. I want you to feel the fear, don’t knock it, fear, anger, hate, yes I sound like Star Wars which just goes to show, don’t forget who you are and who you will become. Just like hope, kindness, and love, there is a balance to grow, which brings me back full circle my friend.

“The opposite of war isn’t peace, its creation” ― RENT

You won’t just be the spark, I want you to be a freaking infection, pain, a virus; I want you to go off, to explode, and from the craters that you create from yourself for once. I want you to build, be the angry man and give them a reason to look down on you. Yeah, let them see because just when they think they’ve won yet again, you’ll blind them with your bright future.
Yes, you just won’t be a firework, you just won’t be a spark, not just the tip of the sword, this is going to be your year. Okay, how many times have I said this and it is my wish that you will never have to repeat it now go on Time To Work Sparky.

I Will Have No Fear, Have A Happy New Year

Lesson 176 ~My Turn To Fly~

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Christmas Eve and I suppose Santa is out doing his thing… what I don’t believe in Santa, how can I when I don’t hold out any hope for myself, my faith is all shot to hell when every day is the same but tonight… My Turn To Fly

Sunday, December 24, 2017

Lesson 176 ~My Turn To Fly~

To Will:
No Fear but it wasn’t worth, the events of this week and so whatever can I give to you as a gift, I already told one friend I’m sort of horrible and this whole gift-giving thing, especially this year. Unfortunately, that cross is yours to bear, so be ready this week, it’s your turn to fly, and hopefully, you won’t fall flat on your face as I did.

I mean you’re not Santa, you don’t have the luxury of operating from the shadows or maybe this week sure, but there is still work to put in. You won’t have Christmas magic to fall back on, you’ll have actually to give a shit, and that can be freaking exhausting, caring about others, friends, Facebook, even the assholes. Speaking of which I hope you won’t be as sick, hell Santa Claus has 364 days to be ill can you imagine if he were queasy tonight?

Don’t they say that some heroes don’t wear capes but what exactly makes Santa a hero, the fact that he gives all he has how about the truth that of his immortality, invincibility, or both? Maybe the ability for even one night to rule the world, it could be the ability that he has in a way usurped a god, indeed several different deities. Most men think they’re God; this one just happens to be right though it’s death to acknowledge that sort of thing isn’t it, as the song goes, no one man should have all that power right.

So am I jealous of Santa… you’re damn right I am, and so I won’t tell you to be him, though you must keep in mind, what you give, your writing, and the faith you have if not in God and not in yourself in what? Maybe that should be your goal this week; you didn’t believe that 5-hour Energy would allow you to forgo a nap and yet here we are, baby steps but there isn’t time even now.

Honestly, you should be flying by now, if not for you, for others, okay see that’s too far, have faith that you will survive tomorrow, that you won’t get fired, that you can be a better man. Santa is the man, and he only works one night out of the year, how’s that for social anxiety, My Turn To Fly.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 169 ~Picturing Hell Over Heaven~

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Is it hot in here, or is it just me, turned on, angry, spending in time in Hell but I do know there is a Heaven out there somewhere, and I only need one more glimpse of such a place, just one. Picturing Hell Over Heaven.

Sunday, December 17, 2017

Lesson 169 ~Picturing Hell Over Heaven~

To Will:
No Fear, you know who the monsters are, you’ve seen their faces, heard their words, they echo in your mind, and Hell is a mighty big place. I can see why you would want to stick around and as much as I want to sound like some televangelist, in honor of Carl Grimes R.I.P. Just Survive Somehow Will.

It’s so much simpler isn’t it, it’s getting to the point where it’s not the worst thing that frightens you but the best because at least for now, this moment you know you can survive. Who am I to tell you to picture a brighter tomorrow, the point is just to make it there and then the next day, and the day after and that is an achievement and I’m proud of you. Then how about our wants, we still live by the four I’s, Impossible, Immoral, Illegal, Insane because there is nothing that falls outside of those categories but that will be your goal this week, ask what if.

Usually, I want to tell you to be a good man, a better man than me and again you already are, you’ve resisted temptation, you’ve survived the most extended hours this week, and you’re not making life harder for yourself, no that’s my job. I’m sure I’ve told you not to look back but here’s the thing, just because we see Hell doesn’t mean we haven’t seen Heaven, we might not remember it and hoping for anything at this point sucks. I want you to imagine just for an instant, you walk into stores all the time and see happy couples, you pretend that you don’t hear the whispers, hell as if people bother to whisper. Even today you bought hot chocolate and since you don’t drink alcohol, isn’t that a return to such innocence?

Will I ask so much of you and I have yet to find that one real accomplishment that may become a good habit, I mean other than breathing and that’s becoming more difficult I know it. This week I just want a creature comfort, something good that you can claim, a want satisfied that won’t land you smack dab in Hell and requires more prep than a bit of ice cream or a Rice Krispy treat, pretty easy you think?

If you found yourself in Heaven not Hell what would it be what if we’re not Picturing Hell Over Heaven?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 162 ~Pain Is Tomorrow’s Problem~

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Whatever doesn’t kill you is likely to try again, and it will face someone far stronger, smarter, and sinful; today I should be having fun, trying to take over the world, you know whatever comes up. Pain Is Tomorrow’s Problem from now on I hope.

Sunday, December 10, 2017

Lesson 162 ~Pain Is Tomorrow’s Problem~

To Will:
No Fear because that is something we are giving to tomorrow, it’s like I was telling our dear Lady Lu, if there is no tomorrow then why not put everything there and enjoy today. Look you’re already up, with book review ready; should have been done yesterday, you see, pain, problems, and the past must find their way to tomorrow and if you see it just keep passing it on, is that healthy?

Well, you have as Rick Grimes put it stuff and things to do, why not make that goal, find what you want to do rather than what you half to do because we know that tomorrow is going to suck. Hell, today might be awful but if we are going back to the five minutes before the world ends scenario why not make it a good five minutes, I know you can go much longer than that my friend. It’s now about three weeks and other than the pain yesterday that had you laid up, you’re not doing that again because that’s tomorrow’s mistake waiting.

From now instead of running from yesterday and even today, let everything that scares you, hurts you, tries to kill you be waiting and today you just have to get stronger, be better prepared, let yourself enjoy. I know despite all that you’re worried about The Walking Dead, but that should be the worst of it because tomorrow is coming regardless and it will still be ahead of you, fear should be running. For now, you’re not in any real pain, you’re getting shit done, you’re learning, and while terror perhaps will always be your greatest enemy the fact that you’re up and about healthy is a reason to be grateful remember that, being thankful.

I don’t mean to get religious on you or anything but remember how you felt last night, how old you are how much time you’ve wasted, hell did you have a bit of backbone with the manager. If you’re standing, if you’re breathing, fight, and let the pain and blood be there tomorrow as a testament to that, I can’t seem to stress that enough.

Today you write, work on a character, get those reviews up, take a shower, you know you need it and let the pain go, let it run smackdab into tomorrow because Pain Is Tomorrow’s Problem.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 155 ~So What’s Your Beef~

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Burning the house down, making myself sick, and looking at the novel I just wrote, so many enemies or is it just me, I mean hello, is seven different personality or idea posts enough and truthfully one more about me. So What’s Your Beef

Sunday, December 3, 2017

Lesson 155 ~So What’s Your Beef~

To Will:
No Fear, I mean don’t have a cow man, so you finished one journey, and now you don’t know what to do with yourself, so in theory, it’s just another day. It wasn’t last week, but this week perhaps you took the challenge of no more chicken in your diet; ok, there is still some in the fridge, but that wasn’t by your hand, thank goodness for mothers.

Why don’t we define a goal, as I have stated on numerous occasions, both to “Indiana Gone,” and “Okay” it seems that everything you or I might want is impossible, immoral, illegal, and insane. I can’t tell you something like maybe you should lay off choking the chicken… two weeks in, no wonder you feel so penned up, and on the other side of the coin, you’re falling back into your laziness. Sure you just accomplished something major, you wrote a damn book and as with previous titles you’re giving into depression about what happens next again, “Some Assembly Required”?

As much as you may beef with the future and the end of the day, you must admit that you still have no idea what’s going to happen, despite experience. Maybe that’s what you should do, fight the real enemy as somewhat famous once said and that enemy lies right in front of you. Another way of saying I hate myself and other people, but having these three enemies, past, present, and future is no way to victory, and you should be basking in it.

So should I tell you what you’re going to do tomorrow, am I a psychic, the government, a dream interpreter as a manager at work thought I was… the future is always there but what about today? You wrote 50,000 words in the month that is worst for a retail employee so today let’s do something where you’ll see results.

Today your goal is to go and beat your meat; no, I don’t mean with that English tart you’ve been fantasizing about, more the Wal-Mart variety because don’t you miss having tacos? If you’re so scared about the man you will face tomorrow, why not strengthen the man you are today; Am I sure there is a rule in there someplace possibly? If you should die well then, you get your enemy one way or the other, and don’t go on WebMD, too late already, *sigh* honestly Will, So What’s Your Beef.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 148 ~Feel Like Chicken Tonight~

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Better to be a live chicken than a dead duck but so far I have declared a full-scale war on the chicken population considering the menu, so I’m not sure that’s in my best interest. Feel Like Chicken Tonight, hope not honestly

Sunday, November 26, 2017

Lesson 148 ~Feel Like Chicken Tonight~

To Will:
No Fear, that’s right you shouldn’t feel like a chicken, and on a more personal note maybe you should stop eating it; yes, I know NaNoWriMo is kicking your ass, but maybe a change in diet would help. Is that me giving you practical advice, I suppose most of my creativity has been shot to Hell, especially today, and you know something, you should still be writing now.

Let me just tell you, man, I am so damn proud of you, pecking away at the keys instead of beating your… yeah, that is part of the reason you still have so much writing to do but the fact that you have been keeping up and going above and beyond. Make this a feather in your cap, and nobody else is going to tell you, maybe “Indiana Gone,” but you still have 9,900 words to go. Think about your work before you start thinking about the wide array of legs, breasts, and thighs you could be getting; okay, I’ll stop with all the chicken references, and what was it I just said about changing up your diet, the life of a starving artist, noted.

It’s not like you proved yourself to be much of a boss at work, I know what you’re thinking, what happened to the upbeat positivity. You pay me to be honest, okay you don’t pay me at all which is why I’m sure you’re worried about a paycheck as much about people at work. That is why it’s crucial that you finish strong this week, you have four more days and then what, yeah five minutes into the future still sounds plenty good to me. If you want your goal, that’s what it is, finish the damn book Will, it’s stupid, it’s ugly, it sucks, but finish it, got that.

I know a lot of this sounds like more Lady’s Sophia’s wheelhouse, but when it comes to you, I want you to remember that feeling you felt for a few hours yesterday like you couldn’t be touched, and tomorrow isn’t going to be so bad. Okay a lie, tomorrow won’t be as bad as yesterday, and that should bring a smile to your face right, and I don’t think chickens can smile, already doomed to their lot in life but you aren’t, so please friend don’t Feel Like Chicken Tonight.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 141 ~Relapse, I’m The Man~

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40 Days and 40 Nights yeah right but I know it’s not impossible, 41 maybe but let’s just focus surviving this new week, because it’s going to be a doozy. Relapse, I’m The Man, or I truly want to be, I want to get better, I need to

Sunday, November 19, 2017

Lesson 141 ~Relapse, I’m The Man~

To Will:
No Fear, that will come later, as will everything else and I know it is hard it is damn hard to find anything to take solace in, to be proud of and I know I’m not and I can’t ask you to be. If anything though I ask you to simply acknowledge that you are still here for a chance… hmm, could that be the secret of life?

Bane: Now’s not the time for fear. That comes later. ― The Dark Knight Rises

See Christians fuck up but because they are saved it doesn’t matter to them and you fuck up tons but you don’t have that safety net and while death is not in the cards for now, and crucifixion is an ugly way to go, the fact is you don’t need to be saved this minute. Don’t people in rehab talk about taking it one day at a time, maybe that’s all this place is, just one big rehab so that my soul is ready, yeah you’ll have to excuse me for the religious connotations. Every day is a lesson, I tend to repeat myself because I am the one voice that you need to hear, now isn’t that something but before you laugh, just imagine about what is going on this week, the task that now stands before you waiting.

King Ezekiel: We have come this far. Our first victory will allow our second. The second will deliver our third. ― from The Walking Dead

I was talking to Lady Lu the other day and I said the point was to endure, I have also recognized that I just don’t want to survive, and then there is hope, which must be admired for being so hard to kill, just like us. What was it that kept you going last night to the early morning, and for once I am honestly not trying to be dirty, talk about how many times we have relapsed on that front. I even think about that saying of today is the first day of the rest of your life, annoying if nothing else but is this not what we do, start over again and again.

“It’s the end of the world. Did you think it would be easy? I don’t expect you to win. I don’t even expect you to live. Only endure.” Teen Titans

Should I give you a goal or tell you what I know you must do because you will get your chance, not this week, no this week you will do as you have always done and when you see the other side, well that will be a conversation for another. If you must have a goal though if you fall short if you don’t make the grade… okay that might be enough YouTube for today but if and when you find you can’t make it just say to yourself the truth, Relapse, I’m The Man

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 134 ~Can You Count, Suckers~

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Should I count on you or should I look as if you owe me, owe the future wife, perhaps the man I want to be, the somebody I believe will actually care about my novel only 12,700 of 50,000 *sigh*. Can You Count, Suckers, because I really don’t want to.

Sunday, November 12, 2017

Lesson 134 ~Can You Count, Suckers~

To Will:
No Fear, even though that sounded kind of dirty, but let’s focus on some accomplishments such as the fact that you actually have the entire, “Sick Fux” playlist on your phone. Already it’s going to be one of those days but you’re fifteen days into you know what and I know it’s only getting harder, really damn literally.

Think about your book today, didn’t I say be positive but you’re still so far behind but you only need 2,164 words per day to finish on time. You have now 120,000 words just collecting dust so making it to 50,000 words in a month shouldn’t be any big deal… yeah, I don’t buy that myself, using the words I believe in you and such. If anything you’re a realist and you know time is your enemy because sooner or later, everything is just going to come crashing down and I don’t want you thinking exit strategy anytime soon Will.

I know it sucks knowing that other people need you, what about the dog, and letting yourself down always hurts, though we can’t figure out why yet. No scratch that, you talk about being made into a monster but sometimes you are your own victim, case and point all of our conversations right? How about the people you haven’t even met, you should probably make a list of everyone who is going to owe you a favor but then again everyone isn’t you, how grateful are you for that tidbit?

Counting up would be “Hoes” while fun does not add to your final word total as of yet; counting money as well is just depressing, it’s like you’ve taken a trip back to Math class, English is hard too, and Sex-Ed class… off the table. There is only you and your writing, nothing more and nothing less because I’m counting on you, just as next week you’ll be counting on whoever you’ve become by then.

Hopefully, he’ll be a few words richer, a week’s worth stronger, possibly finishing reading another novel, feels like Mt. Everest and what is the payoff other than saying you were able to pull it off. I should have gotten this out of my system with Dirty Diana and Lady Sophia but I’m counting on you, time to be the man.

Way past time is always the lesson but if you really want to get up off your ass well ask yourself Can You Count, Suckers?

I Will Have No Fear