Log 362 ~A Breath Of Will~

I hate these words probably as much as my Day Job “Another Day,” and that means I’m still breathing and not wasting my breath trying to be, well me. One day when I’m drowning in cash. A Breath Of Will

Saturday, June 27, 2020

Log 362 ~A Breath Of Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I can breathe without it. I Can’t Breathe, are dangerous words, and that’s why I prefer to keep my mouth shut. When I take in the air to speak, um, that hasn’t been going to well lately. Hell, aren’t my fingers an even bigger problem?

As you know, I started NO FAP yet again. Yeah, I’m in that 24 Hour state of clarity. Lady Lu, as the song goes, I’ll never fall in love again. I’m starting to remember all those years ago when I discovered RealDoll. Now, this might be more of a confession for Inspector Echo, but with all, I’ve admitted? I did enter the RealDoll give away for the summer. What, are you going to change my mind? I swear Lady Luna I’m not one of these “Incel” creeps. Over the past week, though, MILF Dos isn’t talking to me, and neither is Cherry. Two other girls don’t give me the time of day. It puts a whole new spin on “take my breath away.” More like I’m giving it away, and what about GULP? Did I get enough to eat yesterday, which is why I’m energized this morning? I Can’t Breathe.

I know not funny, like that dumbass political so and so. If it’s not women robbing me of my breath, it’s My Dæmon. Yes, he’s my handsome little boy, but he’s also an old man. Yesterday I thought he was getting sick yet again. I swear I hold my breath when he jumps from the bed or uses the stairs. I wonder how do I even get to sleep at night, and he’s right here beside me. I swear if it’s not a woman talking to me, it’s watching my kid’s little chest heave, up-down. He lives, and yet I say Luna, I Can’t Breathe.

How I wish I could say something righteous or anything that might mean anything someday. Why not work on my story, make money, buy a made girl, or actual MILF? We’ll see, won’t we, when I get back walking my child. I should breathe easy now that hey, I put some new shoes on. Funny, my stinky boots didn’t bother me when I went out yesterday. With the plague and being a black man, but I wasn’t holding my breath. Walking on eggshells, broken glass, take A Breath Of Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 296 ~Prose And Political Willies~

I should really consider making a pseudonym, I mean I’m not a rich white guy that can say STUPID things or a pretty woman that can say naughty ones. Yet here I am, worried about my “writing” and the fate of the country. “Prose And Political Willies.”

Wednesday, April 22, 2020

Log 296 ~Prose And Political Willies~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means this moment, I would be involved in both. With all the fears I hold upon this Earth, why go about making more, right? Well, of course, with finishing yet one more novel, I need something to worry about. Am I sick, is some girl mad at me, will I be able to sleep tonight? Yes, I still remember, I’m supposed to be worrying about My Dæmon. My words, though, are like my money; when I think I’m beginning to catch up… And It’s Gone.

Has there ever been a day in my life where there was nothing? It’s the very reason I stay in bed come “The Day.” It’s sort of a throwback to being safe and warm before I was introduced to the world. Don’t ask me how that popped up, I should be talking about my novel that no one will ever read. I’m worried that it will be one more story that dies like my Six Impossible Things list every week. I still have until the end of the month for editing, and then what? Will I go back to blaming my Day Job once again?

Hell will I even have a job; reminds me I need to watch the CEO’s message. I know I still owe you an explanation as to why I think this all happened, plague and everything. Last night while I was still basking in the glow of my finished work, I got mad. It was a bid to avoid this morning’s feelings. This country is a screwed up place. Where doctors who are trying to save lives have to now stand against those who couldn’t care less? Ask me why should I be concerned? Other than the stores being empty and the new rules, I was living inside anyway whenever I got the chance. If I was getting sick, why did I make it to the table today? Again it’s a sin to find one problem, project, or penis erecting babe to take my mind off of everything else. You won’t hold it against me to say “penis” after my “PORN.”

How dare I call it erotica? Still, I’m the bad guy while others doom the world. How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, I should start reading again, that helps?

For now, I’m sorry, Inspector Echo; Prose and Political Willies.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 365 ~You Gain Respect Through Actions~

Two years of blogging every single day, how’s that for commitment, but most of the things I write and the things I do on the daily; I know honestly I don’t have many people’s respect for sure. You Gain Respect Through Actions

Monday, July 1, 2019

Episode 365 ~You Gain Respect Through Actions~

Ninety-First Rule Madam Justice

I AM a Millionaire right now, and I have two years of blogging in the bag, so congratulations are in order. Today is also day damn one of Camp NaNoWriMo, and I have 1700 words down so far. I’m not keeping all of my commitments, but I have had more wins than losses, that’s enough. I didn’t go off on people at the Day Job. Somehow or another, I helped someone. Now while I hate the state of politics, it did help me talk to a “pretty” girl. I’m more into boobs, but butts are a close second Madam Justice.

Did I lose your respect, talk politics you’re right but getting in someone’s pants? Being real dear Madam Justice, I can’t say most of my actions are respectable. I’m still not waking up on time; I’m late with the writing and the reading. The thing is I said I would start NaNoWriMo and I got that done, and a woman doesn’t take me for an idiot. Well, one because if you knew the things I’ve been thinking about MILF Dos lately? Am I lying to Brainbuddy as well? It’s not like I’m going to XVideos, Pornhub, or Motherless. I have seen more boobs than I care to admit to and hell, I’m writing erotica again what did you expect. If anything, I want to gain credibility with myself and with my last story and this one? I AM committed to writing you know Madam Justice.

Nobody at the Day Job respects me, but I’m not giving them any reason to either. The problem is the actions; I don’t want to be the hardest worker in the room at the Day Job. Now I do want to be a hell of a writer and counting the blog I write four books a year. It could be as I said I want to respect myself. I would even say I want B III to see me as somebody. For now, I’m only a tired meanie who is not looking up actual porn. How about the fact that the people I surround myself with, well it wouldn’t mean anything if I had their respect. The businesses I dream of running aren’t what they call respectable. My actions though, trusting myself. Working as I did today, every second, I resist temptation. I know Madam Justice; I have to sigh You Gain Respect Through Actions.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 115 ~Will Sees Red Again~

Well I was seeing red a few hours ago, and I’m voting blue soon enough if anyone asks, and work (not the day job) has been fruitful, well I guess that might be for you yo decide. “Will Sees Red Again”… no not at you silly

Wednesday, October 24, 2018

Episode 115 ~Will Sees Red Again~

Forgive Me Echo,
How To Make One Million Dollars, I know one thing I won’t be spending money on any black hoodies for a while but then again, work being work which is why I’m wearing the red one *sigh* let me explain. There are reasons you shouldn’t go around waving the Confederate flag, that “Very Fine People” would refrain from wearing Nazi uniforms, why KKK costumes are more about celebrating your heritage (of being an asshole) I’m just saying.

My first sin of the day *ahem* changing my clothes because wearing the same color as somebody I despise. Hell how about seeing the person I hate period doesn’t sit well with me, the rage has returned. Now I know you want to say that I control how I respond to people but let me put it this way, you’re going on a date, a girl gets dressed up, why… to get a reaction from you, and as much as most girls don’t want to admit it, if a guy is straight and seeing you, he wants to “bang” you, point blank period, get used to it. Some people I feel nothing for, some I want, and others fill me with rage, excuse me if my name isn’t Elsa and I won’t let it go, though there are ways, R.I.P.

“What, drawn, and talk of peace! I hate the word
As I hate hell, all Montagues, and thee” William Shakespeare

They say people can control you with rage, but that’s true on most emotions and what I feel today besides madness leads me to my second sin, how late this is coming along Inspector Echo but I did finish a short story, “Love The Way You Run,” still singing the praises of 5-hour ENERGY. Third would be the fact as I was telling “Indiana Gone” she knows what I think of my writing, but it’s supposed to hurt right, though it doesn’t bother me to say that my words suck most days. At least I think I know how to get through NaNoWriMo this year if tonight is any indication. Before I forget, how about politics, how stupid can some people be, and yes I will be going blue, my fourth sin, that YouTube at least thinks it can sway me somehow. Trump Sucks, Republicans.

Maybe I should have started talking to you first Inspector Echo; I swear I had some good stuff, but now I’m only blah awake, not feeling anything but getting a lot done, hopefully, no more porn, but some girls… Can you forgive me Inspector Echo for believing the clothes make the man is now an emotional response, how about for staying up late with TV and books, as always for hating my writing, and the state of politics, again I’m all blue, but today sorry but Will Sees Red Again?

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 088 ~Innocent Until Proven Willing~

They say boys will be boys but to hell with anybody telling me that, I was never the typical boy, and if you say I’ve grown up, well watching the news counts for something and what are my secrets. Innocent Until Proven Willing ha!

Thursday, September 27, 2018

Episode 088 ~Innocent Until Proven Willing~


Come In Dirty Diana,
How to make One Million Dollars, become a Supreme Court Justice but who and I to judge… well I don’t drug women for starters, I wrestled with one playfully, and when she told me to stop I did, and “Lolicon” has always rubbed me the wrong way. I know a woman who’s into DDLG and other than pretty dresses I consider myself well, not precisely a daddy dom but if I were, I’m more DDMG or DDBG, so you know Diana.

Now why do I bring this up, because I know the difference between reality and fiction, I don’t have any need to bury my past, and as fucked up as my game is, I have my dominant side and don’t have to make excuses or convince people I’m not “evil.” Now that woman I told you about, she’s sweet, smart, and Somebody’s Baby but she joked with me about her fiancé like something out of “The Girl’s Guide of Depravity” because she’s horny, but he’s waiting until their wedding, so she wanted to rev him up with drugs. So I brought up this scene from Revenge of the Nerds between Lewis Skolnick and Betty Childs about how he tricked her into, but because she was into it, he got off with doing what he did.

Maybe today is about me attempting to justify my perversions; I read the works of this one author Roosh V, is he a racist, well I haven’t learned enough but is he a rapist, not that I know of because he said a girl would let you get away with such if she likes you or rich Mr. Trump? Then we have Brett Kavanaugh, did he do it, I don’t know but having Trump in your corner, demonizing a woman who has nothing to gain, and having people explain you were a kid when actual children get shot for nothing, and Bill Cosby getting locked up doesn’t help. It’s also not helping that a group of men only salivate to hear the sordid details like something out of Silver Linings Playbook but here’s the thing, stories about drunken parties, running trains on girls, sexy costumes, consensual questions, get me off.

Let me reiterate that I know the difference between fact and fiction, consent and illegal, but the stories Dirty Diana, I have this one fantasy about a friend who filmed herself drunk and I imagine her first time being “taken” or this MILF I know and this witchy costume… How about “Of Inner Demons,” “Vault Girls,” or this fetish for clothing, I want to search for one particular piece but the stories of why… one day we will talk about the Ravishment fantasy, but today I’m Innocent Until Proven Willing.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 087 ~Poor Pasts Poetry Protests~

What do I am the NFL have in common… not a thing but many have chosen silence to make the loudest statement, almost illegal to be black or even an American you, know those not backing the KKK, the Nazis, or the Confederacy. Poor Pasts Poetry Protests

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Lesson 087 ~Poor Pasts Poetry Protests~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear but as you can see plenty to say though I don’t know how much I’ll get t, one day I’ll have all the time in the world but as I told “Indiana Gone” my future simply revolves around a lot of money. Am I that poor in everything else or that rich, the more things change the more they stay the same; I still think money will fix everything, more to the point power will.

Past and present Lady Lu, I was reminded of “The Harm of a Cookie” now was that free speech or me being a pervert, personally a little bit of both but what was the harm? Yeah I know I was being pretty bad back then but who have I ever harmed, well besides myself, we’ve had these conversations about freedom, art, rage, somewhere in our eighty-seven conversations together and what does it all mean? If I say I’m trying to find myself that just makes me sound a whole lot worse truth or not and maybe today I’m trying to find something to stand for or kneel as the case maybe nowadays, remind me to tune into “The Daily Show”.

Knights kneel and then rise, swearing to protect a better world and these days the world is crap so how can anyone be asked to rise and serve it, these protests *sigh* did soldiers die so that Trump can destroy all they have sacrificed for. Nazi flags displayed prominently, the Confederacy celebrated, the rich getting richer, the poor being villainized, and it is a song that gets everyone riled up and they don’t understand. I’m not politico mastermind Luna but my poetry was/is my protest against my own silence, some of it anyway and like everything about me, it just wasn’t right, and my point?

Yeah I probably should have thought more about that but in this country, it’s damn nearly illegal to be black and I’m more concerned that it is illegal to be me, what do I always say, impossible, immoral, illegal, and insane? Men rose and fell to defend freedom and now there are those who stand to deny it for some if not all, while others kneel in defiance of this country, perhaps world gone mad.

What have I learned today, other than I finally have a reason to respect the NFL, personally I’m still letting some words get to me and not speaking, thinking, feeling my Poor Pasts Poetry Protests?

Lesson 045 ~You Don’t Hate Them…~

If I think I hate them today, I probably will hate them tomorrow and the question remains why do I hate them you can’t just put the blame on me or my anxiety. “You Don’t Hate Them…” something I wish I could believe or even desire.

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Lesson 045 ~You Don’t Hate Them…~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, but if I do hate them, take solace in the fact that I hate myself more, I’m my own worst enemy and yet I’m still living. On the other hand, you don’t need hate to kill, not necessarily; okay so today is going to be a scary day, it has been, still is, and it may be, still got time.

“It is alright for you to hate them. What did they do? They revered you as a saint and called you holy, and made you promise to become a living Buddha, the fools. Then they buried you alive in solitary darkness. Hate them. Hate them all, the humans of this world.” ― Naraku, Fare Thee Well: Jakotsu’s Requiem (Episode 120)

I don’t possess such hatred Lady Lu and I pray I never do but we both know I’m no saint, and I’m one to ask forgiveness rather than permission, we may get to that today maybe. The thing is today, I was at work, another huddle and I mean just looking at all of them standing there I was filled with an almost overwhelming rage, that threatened to burn me alive. You might call it embarrassment when I walked away from that insipid hands in thing these teams do but no I only grew angrier.

What truly gets to me though is the fact that I should have stood against them, I should have said something but I didn’t say anything. I wonder which is worse, to spew such hateful things for the world to see or to pack it in and let it eat away at you and bury you. Now hate ultimately will kill you, not a doubt in my mind but I’m M.A.D. Mutually Assured Destruction, I don’t mind going as long as I take my enemy along for that last ride.

So the question, do I hate them, you don’t hate them implies that I have reservations and I shouldn’t care enough to hate should I? It’s there though but maybe we should start by how one defines hate, begin at the beginning and all that.

“Hate” – an intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury; extreme dislike or disgust

Again Lady Lu I don’t want to delve into politics but those white supremacists Charlottesville, is it fear, anger, a sense of injury, dislike, disgust, a bit of everything, just the feeling of being superior. Now I could go on forever about my own fear, I won’t quote Yoda today but talk about my greatest fear… my father and you will know why I hate him more than anything else.

They say hate is taught, no one is born hating or to hate, children don’t hate because they have no fear, indeed it is fear that is the architect of hate. As I hope that I don’t possess such hate, I also hope I don’t possess such fear but if I would have spoken up today, would I have lost my hate by releasing it upon them all or would I have only spread that hate. If anything it beats what I am now, I hate and I have been hated or maybe I give myself too much credit there.

“In all this darkness, is there anybody who can make out the truth? He hated, and he killed, and now he dies. And you hated, you killed, and now there’s not one of you… Not one of you who isn’t doomed. Do you know why it’s dark? Do you know why it is night all around us? Do you know what the blackness is? It’s the hate he felt, the hate you felt, the hate all of us feel, and there’s too much of it. There’s just too much. And so we had to vomit it out. And now it’s coming up all around us and choking us. So much hate, so much miserable hate.” Twilight Zone, I am the Night – Color Me Black

I wonder did I hate before anxiety, I didn’t always have one or the other but I think one gives rise to the other, I notice with hate, I gain courage or that’s just anger talking… still not quoting Yoda. People taught me how to hate Luna, no way around that, evil begets evil though they wouldn’t call it that, they would say they’re making a joke. No, they are making you feel small and inferior while uplifting themselves and when we grow tired of this we fight back and when those who were brought low begin to rise what comes next, fear and hate.

“The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral,
begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy.
Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it.
Through violence you may murder the liar,
but you cannot murder the lie, nor establish the truth.
Through violence you may murder the hater,
but you do not murder hate.
In fact, violence merely increases hate.
So it goes.
Returning violence for violence multiplies violence,
adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars.
Darkness cannot drive out darkness:
only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”

from Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929 – 1968)

If anything my friend I think the concepts of love and hate come far too easily, it irks me when people speak of love so casually and here I speak of hate, so what is the answer? I will not love, in most cases, this is impossible not that I don’t wish that I knew it more, I love my dog, I love my mom but hate, seriously should I just write another whole book?

If I don’t hate people maybe I truly mean I don’t understand them and see that’s a problem in itself, understanding another is a burden and people don’t want to be understood they want to be loud. We don’t want to know our fellow man because we’re too busy trying to be better and I don’t think I’m better than anyone else… no, I’m not.

Here’s another question Luna, why should I hate at all if it doesn’t do any good, I can’t destroy those who I say I hate, I might be killing myself with this sickness though I continue to live on, so what’s the point. Already I said understanding but I don’t need to understand these people to do what is required, what entitles anybody to our understanding. If we can breathe the same air, if we can work together, if we can be protected by the same laws then there is no need for hate or for understanding and that understanding we can give to those worth our efforts, I think.

“Do you talk to someone else while we’re talking?


Are you talking with someone else right now? People, OS, whatever…


How many others?


Are you in love with anybody else?

Why do you ask that?

I do not know. Are you?

I’ve been thinking about how to talk to you about this.

How many others?

641.” Her

Maybe if I knew how to love more, I could learn how to hate less, that’s part of my new philosophy, if I talk more, people will have to understand more, maybe they will maybe they won’t but I’m sick of giving them the luxury of saying whatever and putting the burden on me. When I ask people do they need help, I am attempting to understand them and if I do understand then we move forward if I don’t well we fear what we don’t understand and eventually we hate. Nobody teaches you how to breathe but as the song goes, I want to know what love is, I want you to show me and how many people are doing that in the world?

So what have I learned today other than I have so much more room for hate, I mean the heart has finite space but hatred is ever increasing, it’s called a graveyard. Strange though that hate will keep you alive but love is worth dying for, You Don’t Hate Them…

“A sickness known as hate; not a virus, not a microbe, not a germ – but a sickness nonetheless, highly contagious, deadly in its effects. Don’t look for it in the Twilight Zone – look for it in a mirror. Look for it before the light goes out altogether.” Twilight Zone, I am the Night – Color Me Black (1964)

I Will Have No Fear