Tag: Family

Gospel 097 ~Will Goes To L~

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Unlike a zombie virus, I think love will find me someday. Well, I do have puppy love if you count my little pancake running around the house. Maybe it’s all his hair floating around everywhere or a change in the weather. Will Goes To L

Tuesday, October 6, 2020

Gospel 097 ~Will Goes To L~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but my favorite color will always be black. While I like tigers, my favorite animal will always be my dæmon. How many secrets do I want to share with you? LOTS. The L-word Baby Doll? I wish I could say that you were the first woman I ever said that too. People can be bad influences using that word all Willy-nilly. I tell my dæmon, you, our other children every day. I love you. Look at me being all sentimental and because of a stuffy nose. I can be a big baby when I get… nope.

Let me LIVE the dream. The Impossible Dream because I’m not sick. Only when you live in the plague era for going on how many months? There were times where I merely existed from one day to another. I want to breathe because one day I’ll have lots to say. Not only about the current bit of LITERATURE I’m reading. I could talk about books for hours and how many times I’ve been, Accidentally In Love, as the song goes. We haven’t taken the kids to the library in ages, and now my favorite movie spot is about to close. It’s like LISTENING to all those 40s and 50s apocalyptic tracks that are now coming true. If something was wrong with me, I wouldn’t want you here and at that time… well, you know me, misery and company as THEY say. Yet you’re my sunshine.

Baby, You’re My LIGHT, so am I in Heaven already. Anything without you would be Hell. Damn, how serious did that get? It’s like looking on WebMD that will always tell you you’re dying. We should be enjoying the sunshine or basking in each other. Surrounding ourselves in this thing called LIFE. If I’ve learned anything from my End of the World ideology. People like me are practically immortal. Well, I got lucky; I didn’t have to wait for the zombie lot to find you. I’m the only boy, and you’re the only girl, ha. We Found LOVE in a hopeless place. Yeah, do I want to stay listening to Spotify all day. I could hear you tell me that you love me repeatedly. The kids are someone laughing at the dæmon. He would Dance On Our Graves now. Hate keeps you living; love’s worth dying. Will Goes To L

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 090 ~Will You Blame Me~

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Babbling, Blaming but Behaving as it is Tuesday. Nobody ever blames me for making sense or being a nice guy. Anyway, I suppose my future wife is looking forward to blaming me, and yeah, it will be guilty as charged, probably. “Will You Blame Me”

Tuesday, September 29, 2020

Gospel 090 ~Will You Blame Me~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now because I want to give you the world? My Love, I’ve told you, I’m a Traditionalist, and my Mom raised a gentleman. Well, she did her best. Only you can put the blame on me. Yes, baby girl, I’m all guilty about a great many things. Now I could blame society on top of being one for ahem TRADITION. I’m a movie buff. They’re all filled with men being in the wrong. I could blame um… nobody, yeah, no one at all. For the record, I never understood what I was apologizing for. How about fear?

It didn’t stop me when it came to you. Still, as the song goes, “Fear is the Heart of Love.” Only that’s my fear, and yet you’re here. We chose to share our lives, and isn’t this it. How can I give such terror to the woman I love? See, I want to say I’m sorry for such a thing. What about repeating myself over and over? I know you heard me, I know it’s okay. A man said that his girlfriend was the first person to have any faith in him. You, sweet baby doll, are the first person to ever hear me and not reject me, roar at me, or go running away. You can blame me for wishing to know everything about you. THEY say what you know can’t hurt you. Hell, I’ve told you everything, and even now, I’m sure I’m lying about that but not intentionally. It’s the guilt, though.

Will you blame me if I can’t be the husband you deserve? I love you, but I have dreams, and maybe one day you’ll be the last. You’re the one that I hope never ends, but my writing, my woman, and my world. I’m guilty of wanting everything. It’s never-ending. Will you blame me for not being the best father? I never was even when it was only my firstborn. I know that money isn’t the end all be all. Now that was my father. There’re reasons you’ll never meet him. He showed me how not to be when you wake up suddenly you’re in love. Will you blame me for losing and trying again? For knowing that you might hate me someday. Yes, for being the man you chose?

Guilty of loving you always. Now, will you blame me?

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 083 ~When Will Is Enough~

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The will to succeed and to love; if only I believe and as Whitney Houston sang, “I believe in you and me. However, these days I’m more for Whitney Wright. Only she’s not the one that cost me everything. “When Will Is Enough,” because that’s all I got

Tuesday, September 22, 2020

Gospel 083 ~When Will Is Enough~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Because I studied great men like Dennis Hof, Hugh Hefner, Larry Flynt, among others. Now, what was it I said about listening to old white men? Well, Baby Doll, I’m not trying to be president, and if what I do hasn’t got you running now? Anyway, you know I’ve been having a hard time as of late. One of my places got shut down; girls, guys, green of those dollars. I remain a traditionalist. A man provides, and if he can’t, then why does he have a family, to begin with.

I think back to my second best friend’s wedding. I remember the preacher man saying, this guy is terrific, but he isn’t Jesus. He said that my friend, the bride, is fantastic, but she isn’t Jesus. Now you know I have to sing, “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” Entertaining, am I not? I guess I’m better in book form. The will to plop down and write a story, and for what or who? It’s better now that I am a success and then something like this goes and… it hurts My Love. It’s like a physical blow that somehow hits the soul too. You know how I am with touch, and my Dæmon suffers. Having someone you love (his grandfather) kick him four feet is enough to make anybody jumpy. A bad joke but this all feels like one lousy joke, you know.

Those incredible men I mentioned above did other things. That’s before getting into the lifestyle. I am who I am. Only to this day, I will tell anybody, I’m a bad man. I suppose my mother would be ashamed of me, and yet Baby Girl, you’re still here, you’re not leaving. Everything is ripped away, and it’s not the end of the world. Dennis Hof did his homework on Dale Carnegie. Great men are made by other great men. They all had the will to keep going despite hard times, hateful people, hits that put Flynt in a wheelchair. “Cause your love is my love, And my love is your love.” How about “Love is all you need.” A woman like you heals my soul and my body. I want it to be enough, which is probably why… That’s a conversation for another time, hmm.

It worked for Christian Grey, but When Will Is Enough.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 076 ~Will He Get Likes~

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Tell me about yourself? If only you knew how hard it is to come up with shows and movies. Yeah, I’m an open book, but I find out I’m not that likable when I’m being honest. Well, this is honest, but… “Will He Get Likes,” maybe with a special someone.

Tuesday, September 15, 2020

Gospel 076 ~Will He Get Likes~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that’s because people are obsessed with me. Well, more to the point, I hope you are. Of course, I’m thinking in a Taylor Townsend sort of way… The O.C. I saw every episode of that show. One more thing I love about you is that I don’t have to explain all my pop culture references. From the poem Give Me A Chance by Beau Sia’s. Yes, I am a bit of a pop-culture whore. To Star Wars. And to this day, I still remember sending my second best friend home for falling asleep. That’s love.

The things I watch and read to those I dare to dream would make anyone want to run away. That’s why I’m an open book with you, My Love, but I keep in mind the words of my “Big Sister.” “You can’t build a strip club next to a school,” she told me. Of course, that was before we penned the best story I’ve ever had my name on. Even that, I can never share with the whole wide world daily. Maybe that’s why I’m needy? Um, that’s no good but my taste in media…

The Walking Dead, Fear The Walking Dead, WWE, Z Nation, Cobra Kai, Colony, Secret Girlfriend, Into The Badlands, Solitary, A Million Little Things, Containment, Ridiculousness, Firefly, Dead Like Me, Rahxephon, Girlfriend Reviews, Star Trek Deep Space Nine, Survivors, V, Samurai Champloo, Cowboy Bebop, How I Met Your Mother, Blue Gender, Battle Royale, A Quiet Place, In Time, Pontypool, Everything Everything, They Live, The Belko Experiment, Hunger, Star Wars Franchise, Marvel Franchise, Young Adult Franchises, Passengers, Nerve, Blindness, Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World, Dogma, Daybreak, Fifty Shades Of Grey, The Purge Franchise, Snowpiercer Franchise, Apocalyptic, Horror, Sci-Fi

Yes, I’m still working on my profile page, but I shouldn’t bring my work home. You kind of like my work, hell you’ve read, watched, and been a part of it for the record. All because I’m worried people don’t like me. Nevertheless, you love me very much, and what age are the kids again… teenage years SIGH. I must sound like a fossil sometimes, an old dusty book on the shelf. Still, you pick me up, and I’m not sad only; it will be a long day of hope.

Hoping is exhausting, love’s peaceful, but Will He Get Likes?

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 069 ~The Will To Exist~

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Well, one more Existence Day down, and unfortunately *AHEM* Spotify, Mensa, Hulu, and Adam &Eve remembered. The good news about being with me is I’m not one for celebrations besides Star Wars Day. “The Will To Exist,” I get Star Wars, but why me

Tuesday, September 8, 2020

Gospel 069 ~The Will To Exist~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and may the world forgive me for my selfishness. More to the point, may you forgive me, My Love. As Will Smith put it, “I’m being the best lover and friend. Am I being the best daddy I can.” Is that all I’m going on, these 36 years? I’m not regretting a moment of it. Still lying here beside you and her. Hell or sitting in my bed with my sleeping firstborn as usual. I can’t help but ponder the man I am, and I don’t mean only surviving my day-to-day.

I want to be real with who I am and again, being here at this moment shows me that you see. Now I didn’t become the man that you could love, I’m the man that you decided to love. Does that make any sense? A friend told me to compromise who I am for love. I’m not Wayne Brady. I’ve been talking about listening more to black men I like but back to my point. Anyway, he made a list, “The List,” of everything he wanted in a woman. You’re everything I hoped for. You’re everything I need.” Yes, with my music, I know Love. Somehow I’ve never gotten to what I want in myself. I know I want, like everything, I want lots of love and little ones, but what of the man inside. I’ve always hated yesterday until, hell, I don’t know. My parents weren’t happy I arrived, nobody else either but you, baby doll, that I exist.

You’re mine, and I am yours always, that makes us happy. I’ve never agreed with those people who said you have to love yourself first. You have to be in harmony with who you are. I found peace with you. Baby Girl, I’ll note millions of reasons with us. I know it to live hm. Is it only a Billionaire status… of course, living the dream. I can think back of a time when lying in bed, hoping I didn’t get humiliated at the Day Job, was as good as it gets. I was without direction, without purpose. My Mom would tell me I would find my way… another song.

How about a few like Chasing Cars, “if I lay here,” add in some U2 “With or without you.” Martin Luther King Jr. could be right about a man having nothing to die for, maybe.

“If a man hasn’t found something he will die for, he isn’t fit to live.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.

Still The Will To Exist…

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 068 ~Willing Existence Day To Be~

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Well, I’m back to time-traveling because I will be too busy surviving the day to bother with writing. Today is like someone announcing the annual Purge and that means I have to hide. Only if I were to have the Perfect Day… Willing Existence Day To Be

Monday, September 7, 2020

Gospel 068 ~Willing Existence Day To Be~

To Existence Day #36

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, yes I am. Madam Justice, today is not about a rule. It’s Existence Day. Now yesterday, I talked about reality, but today I want to speak on Existence Day um, why not now. So if you dare…

My Dæmon is an old man, much like me. He has a little beard, maybe a few gray hairs, but he runs around with my two-legged kids. If I have a son and daughter, of course, Luke and Leia. Three daughters, Katniss, Tris, and Ember. Anyway, how’s breakfast in bed? My loving wife has long gotten me over hating today. She was up early for a “variety” of reasons, and after a kiss, good morning, she’s taking pictures. After breakfast, there’s a shower, but of course, I’m not alone, and why would I want to be. No more hiding today. As I walk through the house, several of the staff are wishing me well. I don’t grumble at them. I don’t have my earphones blaring away. Even now, hearing my voice sounds a little weird.

Now I’m not working today, but somebody has to keep things running. Before my beautiful wife, I would probably have a celebration at one of my many brothels. I have established several, so there’s plenty of stops to make. Everyone’s excited, and the gifts wow. That wonderful wife of mine has a surprise at the studio. Most of the staff will be taking a lunch break as we make a movie. I swear the woman is insatiable, and I’m getting used to my birthday suit.

We take the kids to the beach. While I’m still not much of a fan of the water, my wife is a talented swimmer. My Dæmon is barking his head off, but he’s trying to pull the kids away from the water. He’s getting too old for this stuff, but what about me? My age? Heading back to the house, well geez, everyone has arrived. Cosplayers, writers, some of the tamer girls I know. Indiana Gone, M. Anime, a couple of the MILFS. I don’t dwell on those missing, and my mom is a bit freaked out, but she did raise a gentleman, I think. “Surprise,” my wife announces in her dress, and she brought a friend. Happy Existence Day.

To me, that would be perfect, happy to be alive. Willing Existence Day To Be

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 066 ~The Plan Will Work~

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What am I doing today? Of course, a conservation today, walking my kid, cleaning up for Existence Day as if I might have company. No, I will have company if I take a chance but first comes faith. The Plan Will Work

Saturday, September 05, 2020

Gospel 066 ~The Plan Will Work~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and it would be a miracle. Joe Biden said that no miracle is coming, at least not from on high. Now what have I said about listening to white men about everything… America right? Anyway, while I disagree with some of Morgan Freeman’s views on race. I remember his words in the film Bruce Almighty. Be the miracle. I crawled out of bed before 8:00 AM. Took my Dæmon for walkies. I have been cleaning for three days straight. Then we have next week; Existence Day.

I don’t have any arrangements, Lady Luna. Hell, I have more of an idea of what I’m doing tomorrow than Existence Day. I should also add that my little sister’s “Emergence Day” is the day after my own. Am I comparing my sister to the Locusts from Gears of War? Funny that one of my Existence Days would take place in a hospital, well, of course, didn’t the first one ha, ha. I’ve always talked about if terminators existed, I would send one through time. Is there a chance that I could go all “Looper?” Keeping up movie-wise, hmm? I would be glad if you were dear Lady Lu. I’ve been thinking about something, well since last night; delusions of grandeur as they may be. Again, me and my pride to be a ladies’ man, a businessman, right. Staying Alive?

There are two girls, one hinting at reconciliation, another I shouldn’t mention now. I have two days to figure something out. Indeed, only today. Both mothers and would have no time, and yet I’m here. I shouldn’t be wasting my time, but I know the truth of all this, Lu. I don’t want to spend Existence Day alone. Now the other side of the coin, I don’t want to shut the door entirely, and of course, I need the Day Job. Sure, I have my Dæmon. I expect to hear from Indiana Gone. Yet, I won’t even tell M. Anime. Like I’ll see her Yabbos. Somehow though, I have this idea about MILF Tres, aka Special K, and she who will not be named. OKAY won’t say anything, and I want to cut my phone off because I don’t want to hear from my Olds.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CzqU2Q-wiMhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LmJ95_6qN6o

I’m Lord Give Me A Sign. I need to hear better men. Man In The Mirror… The Plan Will Work.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 062 ~Willing To Say Anything~

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Last week I said something about people disappearing, and I don’t need the usual magic words. If you ever read what I write, it’s like Spinelli and Maxie all over again. You know, from General Hospital years ago? Willing To Say Anything to not be me.

Tuesday, September 1, 2020

Gospel 062 ~Willing To Say Anything~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which could make me a Republican or at least a fan. No, never, as the song goes, I’ll Be (the greatest fan of your life.) Yes, I know it’s getting kind of late, and I can’t say I’m an expert at pillow talk or speech period. One more reason I’m a writer and this. I write to test out everything I want to say and to learn what I shouldn’t. Being your man and all, I know plenty of things a woman says when she’s annoyed. There are things a man shouldn’t forget. Then there’s these.

When you say nothing at all. Damn, I want to tell you everything, but I’m still afraid of how it will look. If I say nothing, then I know I can’t screw anything up, and I never mastered that courtly love concept. If you say nothing, then you’re like all the rest in my life. Obsessed with that idea, right? Baby girl, I believe love is a chemical, a drug, an obsession. You’ve seen all these people breaking up during the plague era who can’t stand to be around each other for ten minutes. I said I would share my life, and I mean it. My soul is in my writing. Do you know what it’s like to have it be seen and tossed aside like so much garbage? That’s why it takes forever for me to let you see it. I want you to be better, I want you to say something, please anything.

I tell you I love you, and you know that the phrase is used far too often. Hell, I shared one of my first books with a woman, and that scared her off quick. Such was her vanity, or so I believe. I don’t mean to complain, but how am I going to get to sleep tonight. Well, besides doing that, ha. Again the things I want to say to you, My Love or more to the point, do to you. It still surprises me that you haven’t left. There’s this movie I saw once. It’s about an artist who got married but lost his spark because his wife didn’t understand him or his work. Slaves To Passion, I guess. If I could tell you everything though… Stay With Me.

Let My Baby Stay, I pray. Willing To Say Anything.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 059 ~Will You Be King~

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First, Rest In Power Chadwick Boseman, I saw plenty of his movies and Black Panther at least four times. Now, of course, I’m plenty selfish too, so today I’m not so much an open book, I’ve learned my lesson. Will You Be King?

Saturday, August 29, 2020

Gospel 059 ~Will You Be King~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but he was more. Chadwick Boseman, he was a star, a legend, even a king. Lady Luna, he was Andre Davis, Thurgood Marshall, the Black Panther, King T’Challa. Now he’s gone. May he Rest In Power. I had to say something.

Can I go back to being a prick because the last 24 hours have been sad enough? Hell, it hasn’t even been that long, but Friday was something else. I must confess that as much as I would like to, I can’t even share it all, and do you know why. Call it hope, maybe faith?

I saw something yesterday, and I’m going to have to pretend I didn’t. The moment I entertain the possibility if I should ever give it voice? My Lady, how many times has there been wailing and the gnashing of teeth? Again I was reading W. Anton, and this goes against everything he teaches, but I refuse. Yes, I lack the courage, but I have learned from history. Better to be a live chicken than a dead duck. I am no king or even a hero. Let me be but a simple kind of man.

Every day I’m closer to being an older one, and I ask, what have I done with my life? I watched It’s A Different World “It’s Greek To Me” that fraternity Kappa Lamda Nu. My whole family has pledged. Yeah, my Mom and my sister are Deltas. Dad is an Omega. You won’t believe me, but I’m fine by myself, but damn I don’t speak to my blood kin hm. It’s strange though that nobody would know if I win and everyone will tell me about it if I lose. I mean look Lady Lu, again I created a whole “cathouse” so I could complain.

Only now, I join so many in the world in mourning, and that is my connection. I can’t speak of affection or of joy. No, I can’t say anything about excitement because what happens then? Lady Lu, I am a good man with a good heart. Usually, I would laugh at that, but now I want to cry. I want to be a billionaire, a king, and I don’t know how to do both, be “decent,” and have my power. Chadwick Boseman did his way.

Yet one more unanswered question. SIGH Will You Be King

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 055 ~Got To Be Will~

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Nobody is ever “real” with me, it’s like everyone is a magician, and I’m an audience of one watching them disappear. I’m left echoing, “how’d they do that?” One reason I listen to so much music. “Got To Be Will,” but what about anyone else.

Tuesday, August 25, 2020

Gospel 055 ~Got To Be Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, I am a lover and friend, and the best daddy. Yeah, I also sound like a particular Will Smith song. Of course, I’ll never say anything negative about the guy, and you know why that is. I’m being me, My Love, I got to be Will. That’s why I love you so much. As always, another song AHEM, that’s all I “Ask Of You.” I know this week has only just begun, but I’m wishing I’d stayed in bed. Geez, I’m going to sound like one of my Spotify playlists, but would you lie with me?

I tell you I need space one day, and the next, I need you to never let me go. Yeah, I got “Issues,” and how many songs is that? I’m around 7 so far but darling “Stay With Me,” please. It’s not like I can hear anyone else and “You’re All I Need To Get By.” Are you annoyed yet? I choose every single day to share my life with you. Now, this is something I can never diminish. My firstborn has his Trump-like loyalty to me. Um, that’s scary. The kids aren’t going anywhere so soon. They grow up so fast I always hear. But “Only You” baby girl… It’s not the fact that you choose to be with me though you have, and I am forever grateful. You know I believe that “Your Love Is My Drug.” I could blurt out 1 Corinthians or talk about all your heart, soul, and mind. Yeah, me and my pride again.

If today were Thursday, and what have I said about scheduling “relations?” I can’t help it as it comes with the job. Well, Kagney Linn Karter on the set called Dane Cross her Superman. Again I look at all I have lost, the many friends, the motivation, the money, and why? I’m a moron, a misanthropist, I mention the likes of Kagney Linn Karter. My Love, I am no hero, most days I don’t consider myself a good man though it’s nice to hear you call me one. I’m only Will, and if I am to be real with you, I’m asking, would you be too. Hell, didn’t we settle this with an I Do, I Will, or something to that effect? Yes, and still I ask always, “I Wanna Know,” Got To Be Will.

I Will Have No Fear