Tag: Honesty

Log 086 ~Will For A Living~

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Thinking of the could be humiliations kept me from a real one; I’m not living a past life I’m living in the what-if, and probably the best thing of all is that is what I call this existence as a father, businessman, entrepreneur? “Will For A Living.”

Wednesday, September 25, 2019

Log 086 ~Will For A Living~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM A Millionaire right now, but I’ll let somebody else handle the retail. For once, it would be nice to have a job where I don’t get sick every day. One where there isn’t any rage or I’m bored out of my mind. How about where I have enough to blow it on Hookers and Cocaine. I’m kidding of course Inspector Echo, but you know what isn’t a joke? Let’s see wasting most of a “Tuesday” afternoon, no. I got a message from a potential model today. Of all the things I organize in my life, women make me GASPS happy.

So yeah explain Melanie Rios, Abbey Brooks and Lane/Audrey Holiday. What about Kagney Linn Karter, Melody Parker, and that video of the girl with Uncle Harry. Hell, I wonder if he still alive; anyway Tia Monae, Cat Morris, Liz Vicious and Lizz Tayler? You know my grandfather was a P.I. Does it run in the family that’s how I’m so sure about my model? But she did fill out the form, so it wasn’t much tracking, but she’s the real deal. Now we get to the section of the story where I stumble, the return email. First I was late, still working out some kinks. Second, as always wondering; are you sure. Even if I wasn’t, this is getting in the door somewhat. Last I had two other girls and now that I know Craigslist wasn’t fucking up (LANGUAGE). Yeah, it was whatever I said.

I wish I could say I feel fantastic but notice that list of women. A miracle I’m still on NO FAP. Again it does beat going to the Day Job. Yes, one more sin imagining something worse. Oh like I’m not already a slave to my phone and tomorrow I’ll have to message to see what’s what. A job where I won’t have to feel ashamed every time I get out of bed. Where do I do most of my writing, and I’m still not at the dining room table. Didn’t even write that much today but I’m trying to stay one jump ahead. I might never write for Disney, but I have plenty of life goals. Tomorrow I could be a photographer or should I say I am, Law Of Attraction isn’t that right?

I am sorry though getting all excited, worried, and scared, but Will For A Living.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 085 ~Woman’s Will Is Complicated~

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I refuse to have a woman that doesn’t know what I do, this isn’t Lord Of War; of all the “Sin Stocks” I’ve studied, weapons don’t sit well with me “says the man that wants an armory” I got a crazy little thing called love. Woman’s Will Is Complicated

Tuesday, September 24, 2019

Log 085 ~Woman’s Will Is Complicated~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Millionaire right now, but not Toby from roots. Well, you know I agree with him on the “I’m never going to be a Christian man.” I’m a writer My Love, I don’t bow to gods, I create them. At the same time, I’m one for the Ghetto Gospel of Tupac. So many men to listen to, is it any wonder I chose my business. Eric Thomas says that what he does, you can’t go to school and get that. My teachers as I say often enough, Dennis Hof, Hugh Hefner have passed. Larry Flynt was shot when he started. Others have been arrested or scare me in some ways.

If I upset you don’t stress, never forget
That God isn’t finished with me yet
I feel his hand on my brain
When I write rhymes I go blind and let the Lord do his thang
Tupac Shakur Ghetto Gospel

Now usually I don’t like to talk about my business dealings. Yeah, I know I don’t like to talk period. Hell, I want to know what makes my Firstborn happy. I never want my kids to fear me as I do my father. Asking for your father’s blessing? SIGH, because asking his permission, wait, aren’t I a traditionalist? If I asked my father for life, well after I arrive, it would be something like Independence Day. My mother, on the other hand, she wouldn’t approve of my path at all. The thing is she would never stop me either. At least I hope so, as the song goes, be a simple kind of man. If I may play you another “I wanna know what turns you on.” Okay you know how I am with my music, how about a joke? Eve was the first woman to decide what she wanted to eat… look how that turned out. Okay, I tried.

My lifestyle is listening to women, but my life is listening to you. I want to lead my family, but like everything else, I’ll admit, I have no idea what I’m doing. Like I tell my friends all the time, I don’t want to be STUPID, and I definitely don’t want to look that way. So I refer everyone to Washington, Lincoln, Franklin. I watch some other creators. Only as my motivations would say, the power lies in taking responsibility. I do, isn’t that what I told everybody, and if you think I talk about our wedding too much? Hell, again, my business of creating what I desire and let’s say the law of attraction.

Only do you love me always, Woman’s Will Is Complicated.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 084 ~When Does A King Kneel~

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“There is a king in me” as the song goes or I should research a bit of history because it might be easier to find than the things I have been looking for on any given day; enough to bring anyone to their knees. “When Does A King Kneel”

Monday, September 23, 2019

Log 084 ~When Does A King Kneel~

Hundred And Third Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Millionaire right now and soon to be “Like A Boss” as the kids say nowadays. Not today and not tomorrow and yeah I hear you saying and why not. Too busy being a time traveler. Yes, I want to have that moment where The Day Job will be nothing but a horrible memory. I’m sure I will have a woman somewhere to thank for that luck. No, let’s call it something else, like perseverance. Now such a thing requires me to be on my feet or punching these keys daily.

Now’s not the time to sleep, so what else can I do Madam Justice? As the song goes, Run Boy Run, and we’ve talked about it stemming from fear. Eric Thomas says you have to attack the fight, but I still hate math class. Only when was I in a class last, and today (Sunday) I was only counting money. Of course, that leads me to research. If I’m not on the keys, I should be like Bill Gates and read books faster. I’ve been listening to way too many motivations last week, which leads me to my point. When does a king kneel, there is no porno for dummies (LANGUAGE). You know how I feel about words like that but back to the point. Madam Justice there is no master to teach me how. I wanted to go into stocks, but there are none, or I’m not looking hard enough. Of course, I’m looking for actresses, Saturday was bust.

Again I was on my knees this morning counting up the cash, so that’s why I’m starting with modeling. I have my Firstborn, so I’m always kneeling to clean up after the kid and cuddle. One should stop and smell the roses too or play games; I haven’t done either lately. No Madam Justice when I kneel, I’m hiding. Care to take a knee for a noble cause? Never I’m at the fucking Day Job (LANGUAGE). The man who would be king falls out of pain and service. Now I don’t mind service, but the question is how. Again I’m studying other artists on Patreon and adult entertainment. Why would anyone pay $75.00 for a naked character in something I’ve written myself? Do I believe people would fall so quickly, well haven’t I Madam Justice?

Am I a man hmm? When Does A King Kneel?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 083 ~The Will To Judge~

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Some would call me a stalker, a scam artist, even skeevy, which is the second worse word but I would say I’m pretty much a shallow S.O.B no offense to my mother only look at what I want to do with my life. “The Will To Judge”

Sunday, September 22, 2019

Log 083 ~The Will To Judge~

To Will:
I AM a Millionaire right now, and the Man in the Mirror. It’s a little too late for Michael Jackson quips. Not that you need any real reminder, but I’m not Martin Luther King Jr either. So are we done focusing on the men you would never be, how about the man you’re becoming? It took me about two days to get back to the table, but here you are, so you have me beat. Of course today is about who are you to judge but wasn’t that my last night, talking to that potential model, yeah right.

Still no temptations, and not counting it as porn but research. Sometime this week I talked about finding that Kaelin Monroe “Rieger” passed away. I downloaded two out of three Kagney Linn Karter scenes. Oh, where are you “Smack My Naughty Ass” ha. Last night though it was Carlie Jo Howell. So I’m talking to this person who replied to the ad, says her name is Christine Jane Olin. Do you remember when “The Basic Bitch” thought you were stalking her; SIGH. Anyway I was plenty suspicious when CJ’s pictures registered but don’t judge me, I’m a guy. Next the fraud had no FB or Twitter, Instagram, talked about Anxiety, now that pisses me off, that lie. Finally, when I confronted whoever I haven’t heard from the imposter since. Speaking of things I haven’t heard from, those Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 027 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 034 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Gaining One Patron Or One Model For Patreon
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing Unhinged By Nicole Cypher
    Completed

Again we are back to two, and this doesn’t serve as an excuse, but I was learning. You have to press forward, reading about Dennis Hof. Hell, Carlie Jo runs Bikini Beans Espresso. MILF Dos has her fashion line set-up. The ideas are percolating for you. Let’s take Patreon for example, how my tiers work.

Nine Circles Of Hell

  1. Random Poems (Free)
  2. Five Poems From Current Work $1.00 Up
  3. Erotica Chapter $5.00
  4. Ahegao Cover Art $10.00
  5. Lewd Character Galleries $20.00
  6. Raunchy Readings, Pasties $30.00
  7. Nude Inspirations $50.00
  8. A Full Nude Gallery $60.00
  9. Character Movie Scenes $75.00

I know this is our time but when the ideas come, so do you usually. Still practicing NO FAP but there are Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 034 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Gaining One Patron Or One Model For Patreon
  6. I AM Finishing Again, The Art of the Pimp: One Man’s Search for Love, Sex, and Money

Now, what could you do with let’s say an extra $100.00 a month? You don’t have anything for tiers 4 – 9 this second. Who you’ll be, The Will To Judge.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 080 ~Will Needs Role Models~

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As the song goes, I Need A Hero, well maybe not a hero but a teacher, a guru, hell I’m dominant in the bedroom, but daily life is quite vexing. To think they called Daria the “Misery Chick.” “Will Needs Role Models”

Thursday, September 19, 2019

Log 080 ~Will Needs Role Models~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Millionaire right now, but if I listened to Dennis Hof, I’d have more. If I got around to rereading his book and I am trying. I’m not discouraged today, well today of all days, Thursday should be the best. Hell, why not every day, according to my many motivations. The voices in my head Dirty Diana and for once I mean my headphones. I could use their success but nowhere near their path. We need, no I need, my heroes where are they?

I’m starting from the top, Dennis Hof. A man who went from owning gas stations to brothels and he was a Republican politician. I couldn’t tell you a thing about his policies but from pennies to pussy. I’m lazy only lying here, but he didn’t go to bed without a naked lady or his dog Domino. Speaking of going to bed alone, I still wonder how “he” spent his nights. A modeling director I’ve mentioned before, but you know I go through such and such moments. Sometimes I’m proud and others, scared to utter a fucking word. Not Sean Weathers though. Now I’ve never seen one of his films all the way through. The thing is he created such movies at all. Someone said he only wanted to get laid but can you blame him?

Well, I blame my modeling guru, that’s how I found out about Kaelin. I’m a big fan of hers and her “sisters” Kelsey and Kandace. I found out though that Kaelin passed away recently. So, of course, they removed her image from their archive. The girl I can’t have makes me want her even more. It makes me question why I can’t have a typical role model. Yes, like celebrities, but I was thinking more like at the Day Job. Some girl died, and I couldn’t tell you who she was to save my life. A naughty nymph dies, and I scour the internet. No, my “father” was never my hero, but he takes care of his family, moneywise. I’ve hated nearly every boss I’ve had at the Day Job. My uncle, directed films but he also cheated on his wife; could I be better?

Relationships like Mr. Hof, proud to say my name, create like Mr. Weathers. I do want a family but so many lifestyles Dirty Diana, Wake Up, Will Needs Role Models.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 079 ~Don’t Kill The Will~

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Here I go again about writing and women. You know this is why I’m so good at time travel, the more things change, the more they stay the same, so why do I even need to deliver the same message? “Don’t Kill The Will,” pretty please

Wednesday, September 18, 2019

Log 079 ~Don’t Kill The Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM A Millionaire right now; though people would jack me for less. Relax Inspector Echo, I’m still on NO FAP, but it’s hard. Now, what is it I told A&W at the Day Job, “this is why I don’t talk to women” Well it might be my mouth, and then it could be my email. I’ve messaged three models, of those two, had high potential. No responses, so what is my sin? I’m staying motivated, but my firstborn’s been sick, and I hit two spider webs when we went out walking.

Am I only the bearer of bad news. I did smack myself today because of my anxiety. Hell Inspector am I only talking to myself. I’ve checked my email accounts, but I haven’t heard anything from Outskirts Press either. Do you want to talk about Patreon? I’m not that guy that’s busy complaining, remember TIBU. What about how I spoke to MILF Dos today. Even now I get that twinge that if I say something, bam lost another friend. Wasn’t I complaining a few days ago about how I’m one friend down? Now have you ever heard that saying about would you like yourself if you met yourself? At the Day Job besides A&W, who’s a “friend,” him and his White Guilt, who respects me there? The more important question is, how am I going to launch this modeling business.

No worries on the part of Dennis Hof; he passed away. Anyway, it hasn’t stopped me from wanting to reread his book. Speaking of novels, I did finish “Unhinged,” one of my six impossible things down. What sort of guy does that make me Inspector Echo? I could go further with my ads. The work excites me, but people seeing who I am? As I said, I messaged people, could be scams, what if they’re not? All-day I’ve thought about buying that file upload software. Still, sending people to my blog, Patreon, Facebook, well shoot? When I would write words for guys to get their girls to drop their panties, well damn. I’m playing Cyrano de Bergerac all over again. The only thing now is, I’m hiding from myself and the small network I have.

I’m sorry I don’t have a better face. I apologize I’m asking so much of so many, but I won’t dare. Hard to live with but Don’t Kill The Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 078 ~Will Be High Later~

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Last week I talked about not getting drunk, but I knew a drug dealer here or there that kept me high if I wasn’t off flying to some beautiful angel walking down the hall; I swear Love is a hell of a drug. Will Be High Later.

Tuesday, September 17, 2019

Log 078 ~Will Be High Later~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Millionaire right now, but I don’t do “those” drugs. Remind me to give the kids the don’t do drugs speech. Anyway from being lit to getting high; aren’t those synonyms? Okay, not the point I’m trying to make today. My love, an upper to me, is being able to look into your eyes. It’s looking at what I’m trying to build without being afraid. I’m the man that you can gaze at without any shame. I want the children to see me on career day and be proud to say, everyone that’s my father.

Can’t say though I’ll be invited to those if teachers know what I do in life. Hell, you know what I do and how it makes me feel so alive. It’s higher than any faith, but you are “My Goddess.” I Believe In A Thing Called Love as the song goes. Okay, I’m turning the music down. You know I get high when I’m carrying my firstborn around or any of the kids. Still, I remember the days I had to lift him when anything threatening came around. Now that’s when I became the big man, the father, the warrior, and who would want to let that go. Power in the hands of someone else and of course you know where I can go with that my love. I wonder did I run faster, running away from you or trying to reach you. Talk about Walking Tall; yeah I can do movies too baby girl.

My point is I can think of a lot of reasons to raise my head. There are things that I want to see in this life. Yes, my love a reason to get high. I want to be a better man, and yes, I should do that for myself, of course. You know that quote about knowing strength when there is no other choice. I got high again when I had to protect my boy on walks. Every day I stand whether I’m facing the camera or behind it, and I know what I have to do no doubt. I still remember when I stood right next to you on that day, we became a family. The highest I’ve ever been, down the road I’ve ever been down is when I took a step towards you and the future. Yes Love, Will Be High Later.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 077 ~Great, Just Be A Man~

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I’m better than I was yesterday, but everything within me wants to argue you that fact and I need only wait until I get around some people and what the hell will happen to my manhood. Great, Just Be A Man.

Monday, September 16, 2019

Log 077 ~Great, Just Be A Man~

Hundred And Second Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Millionaire right now and remain a stickler for time. Haven’t I always been and with the Day Job? I need to be a step ahead, still. Does that mean I’m running? Well, Run Boy Run. The question is, where am I going, hell I’m always running at the Day Job. I woke up this morning (Sunday) because of a nightmare. Remember “Stupidest” from the Day Job; the dream had me running from a gaggle of them. Somebody killed me, but I don’t know who. Anyway, the moral I got was they were the better man.

Which, of course, leads me to today? Yesterday I got my Patreon running, and this morning I got my modeling page up. These are the thoughts of a businessman, a man that is doing. You know I’m always on the cusp of quoting Yoda or some great erotic writer. If I were only to be me though SIGH I’m upset I lost a Facebook friend. I’ll be in a bad mood for this week for a variety of reasons. Oh yeah, and the first block I was expecting came from the unexpected. What the hell NaNoWriMo I thought it was a funny meme. Speaking of pictures, what’s that I said about a modeling page? Can you believe I had the nerve? The moment I start talking about cover girls, I get a message from my publisher. Now that gave me a chill without a doubt.

To think; that’s one reason I hate fear so much, it stops you from thinking. Anyway, I want to live such a life, and the smallest things get in the way. You know maybe that’s the rub. Now, this is more Lady Sophia’s thing, but a writer is akin to a god. The idea is after I create the man has to deal with the mess. Mountain from a molehill so you might ask me why go all out. Again it makes me feel great and then I know I’ll have to get by when it comes to life. If I had my way Madam Justice I would be strong enough to tell people to Fuck Off (LANGUAGE). What happens to those kinds of people in my stories? One of my motivations says to be the hero of your story. Why live History books? Before that Madam Justice, needn’t be Great, Just Be A Man?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 076 ~Will’s O’s, Ahegao’s, Zeros~

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Oh I missed something but with my eyes on so many things from this week to last; it beats going blind doing something else though my mother never gave me that speech, and right now I’m only looking at money. Will’s O’s, Ahegao’s, Zeros

Sunday, September 15, 2019

Log 076 ~Will’s O’s, Ahegao’s, Zeros~

To Will:
I AM a Millionaire right now, and this is fulfillment. At this moment, ever the time traveler (Saturday) as the song goes, I feel good. It’s nothing like doing work that you, dare I say, love. I was barely able to tear myself away, the Day Job blah; I’m Hooked On A Feeling.

Should we call it GASPS happiness? Okay before you get down on yourself, I want you to know I’m proud of you. Pride mixed with OH MY GOD what have I done. Now that’s what you feel as you edit, I suppose. Hell, my friend, I have left a lot of work for you. At the very least, let it keep you from making another type of O-Face. How I hope you’re waking up earlier than me, okay? Old yearnings are beginning to come back but still No Fapping. To get into an industry, you have to learn everything about what it entails; devil’s details. I’ve said it often enough last week, from lighting to salary, and fashion. You know that song from the Pet Shop Boys “Opportunities,” yeah even the prospect of money turns me on. Shouldn’t you be excited about Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 020 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 027 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Not Getting Fired From The Day Job Now
    Completed
  6. I AM Finishing Unhinged By Nicole Cypher
    Failed

So now we’re back to two done, could be three I still have time to read later. You’re going to need it considering the Day Job but if Patreon works out? What about getting any models, I got another email today. Nothing has panned out so far. Don’t say, “oh, the usual.” Keep thinking about all those Ahegao faces somewhere waiting. You are having an impact, and I can only imagine some girl meeting you. It would be like CastingCouch-HD Chelsea only minus the porn. Pockets aren’t deep enough for that you know. If anything there’s “Indiana Gone’s” smiling face you need to think of now. Her wedding is coming up next month. How about Alice Little; doesn’t seem like your absence bothered her to be honest. Still, she needs an answer, and you need, surprise, surprise Six Impossible Things:

CastingCouch-HD Chelsea
  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 027 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Gaining One Patron Or One Model For Patreon
  6. I AM Finishing Unhinged By Nicole Cypher

As for things, I sooner not look at, The Day Job schedule and The Second Renaissance. What about my cash after keeping a few promises? For once though I want to see myself with joy. Haven’t met a Joy yet looking for models ha. The time will come, and you’re preparing for it right now. Yes, Will’s O’s, Ahegao’s, Zeros.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 073 ~Ahegao If You Will~

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The only O Face I’ve made in weeks is Oh My Sweet Buttery Jesus. I should make gaming videos like TheRadBrad but as far as neglecting things I haven’t played Heavy Rain in a while, working on my life’s purpose. Ahegao If You Will

Thursday, September 12, 2019

Log 073 ~Ahegao If You Will~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Millionaire right now and on the grind. Yes, that made me want to laugh too, but I’m interested in another face. Is it a smile? Well, I did find my Fidget Cube or sooner had it returned; it was sitting on my locker at the Day Job. As far as work goes, this is endgame. The theme this week, writing and women, which is plenty of work. Speaking of which, listening to Spotify, I found that Jennifer Love Hewitt song “It’s Good to Know I’m Alive.” Adding to my, well not temptation but Vicki Vallencourt from “The Waterboy.”

Now I always say that dreams are messages. Last night with my porn studies; Dirty Diana, I am studying the legality of creating adult movies. Anyway, it’s hard work, dirty work, okay I’m trying to stop. How do my motivations say, when you do what you love, right? Only remember I was studying Sin Stocks last week? Finding out anything about the adult entertainment industry has complications. There’s no plan other than finding a good lawyer, and Legalzoom wants $216 for a business advisory plan. Add them and Wendy’s to Ruby Tuesday; businesses I hate. So now I’m making a mad face but where’s the gratitude? I’m not lying in bed, I didn’t get fired from one job, and I’m working on my life’s purpose.

I still hate smiling, though, which leads me to another face, “Ahegao.” When I was young SIGH, I moved up another age bracket. Now Ahegao means panting or moaning face. Dirty Diana, that’s perfect for my book “GULP.” I should talk to Lady Sophia about that but when my worlds of sex and writing collide? Even this morning on top of everything else I was looking at how to get File Upload Forms. I also watched a video on release forms. Would I do such a thing if I was some horny fuckboy? You know I have more porn than I know what to do with and I stole around 95% of my collection. Getting girls to take off their clothes hell, I’ve done that so it’s possible. I sound like Les Brown. It’s Possible. Why is it so difficult to learn though and why not try something more conventional?

Again it’s good to know that I’m alive. Nothing does it like an “O Face” or Ahegao If You Will.

I Will Have No Fear