Tag: Time

Lesson 255 ~A Love Of Learning~

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Wise men say, only fools rush in, so why aren’t I rushing at my age and it doesn’t look like I’m going to inherit millions, upon millions of dollars anytime soon, not that I have ever wanted the bimbo type. A Love Of Learning

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Lesson 255 ~A Love Of Learning~

“I’m not a smart man… but I know what love is.” Forrest Gump

Dear Future Wife,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, I think love makes fools of us all, and at the end of the day I suppose I would rather be a fool than a coward, and I know, trust me I know I do that all the time. You know what makes me a genius, what makes me a man, a smart one at that, is somehow or another we’re together.

“Oh, I didn’t dare look at you, you were so beautiful. It was scary. Afterwards, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. It made me smile. And then I thought of all the men who would get to hold you, who would make you laugh… how lucky they were. And now I’m the one lying next to you.” ― Vassili Zaitsev, Enemy at The Gates (2001)

I think you know by now that smart girls are my type or would you prefer I call you pretty for the billionth time, it’s not every girl that gets a man to pick up a dictionary, a thesaurus, the works of Rumi. Yeah, I’m no builder, my angel, as Elton John put it “If I was a sculptor, but then again, no.” I couldn’t build you a Heaven, even if I wanted to, but I swept you off your feet so that I could raise you high enough that I felt I could never reach you. Is this my way of saying you’re complicated, Math is that and more, understanding me, babydoll you must be something else, but you, I give you my life, it started for a minute, and here we are still.

“Who says I’m trying to look prettier? Maybe I want to look smart or kind or funny.” ― A Kingdom Divided Against Itself, Containment (2016)

Can I call myself a nerd, a geek, you probably think I’m a dork when I say I want a Ron and Hermione type of love, “Glenn and Maggie,” Peeta and Katniss, Ron wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, we saw Glenn’s brains… and Peeta went crazy. I’m probably not going to be the one to help our children with homework, and I pray that they get your mind for things, hell they might save the world one day. Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire I’ve heard, so maybe I am wrong when I suggested that love makes fools of us and as you are trying to get me to admit I might be smarter than I realize, as smart as you…

I wasn’t brave enough, strong enough, inspired enough to make it through college but to have the girl of my dreams, I found a way. Where there’s a WILL, there’s a way, and I won’t ever say it’s wrong to want to know you, to want to know me, to know us. I want to know what love is, I want you to show me, yes I learned how to work all this new technology but you and me, my love that is A Love Of Learning.
I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 248 ~Four Feet of Furry~

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I asked a friend once did they think my dog referred to me as Dad or even dearest human, she was the first person he liked that wasn’t in my immediate family the people that raised me. “Four Feet of Furry,” how I tried my best with my fur baby.

Tuesday, March 6, 2018

Lesson 248 ~Four Feet of Furry~

Dear Future Wife,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore; I suppose I can’t afford to be, though our children always tend to age us and how about the time it took me to find you, my love. We even gave time, “A Second Hand,” I’m not sure if that’s a dad joke or our kids will get it yet, but I like to think that this one does, that head tilt.

Yeah, I was a single father before I met you, adopting this bundle of joy… I wouldn’t go that far, but this is my kid, my son, my fur baby and Cupid himself. I’ve always said that the first girl he could stand would be the woman for me… I guess I let him down in that regard but then there was you, and what can I say, you never gave up on him on either of us just saying. If he shows to any degree what kind of father I am, the man that I am going to have to be, there’s no one else I would rather have by my side; I mean you and him both honestly.

If I can chase those four little paws around for thirteen years, and then some then a baby should be a piece of cake right… no more mammoth naps but I can hear my little one cry over anything and if there is anything I’ve learned in this world humans can be a lot more vocal. I hope so; it scares me to think how much he’s like me and to have another son that takes after me, or a daughter with your beauty and my charming personality… I think between the three of us; the kids will be alright; three and a half hopefully.

“If I had just one wish
Only one demand
I hope he’s not like me
I hope he understands
That he can take this life
And hold it by the hand
And he can greet the world
With arms wide open” With Arms Wide Open

I’m always quoting a song but how about the idea I wish I found you sooner so I could love you longer, my best friend saw me in my early twenties, and we haven’t been apart longer than three months. I promised him he would be part of a real family and while his position on the bed might come into question he has plenty to choose from thanks to us, the things four feet can do, don’t you think?

Does he think I’m a good dad, do you think I’m a good husband, god I want to be, I want to be the person my dog thinks I am, maybe he knows I’m ready, love comes in all shapes and sizes and with his, all Four Feet Of Furry.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 241 ~The World Sees Me~

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If I could only see the way you love me, everything might be solved right; you want to switch eyes… okay so not a horror movie but a love story, or maybe beer goggles, or am I just a piece of meat, I could live with that. The World Sees Me.

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

Lesson 241 ~The World Sees Me~

Dear Future Wife,
I’m Not Afraid Anymore, or I suppose I won’t be sooner or later, there won’t be any more to see and if there is I won’t spend a few hours trying to change it… message. It’s a man’s world I know it, and you worry about how the world will see you and so do I, the only difference is, to me, you are the world, knights and their shining armor, right?

Not after we slay the dragons, suffer the slings and arrows, and I spend so much time polishing and hell the first time you saw me I was probably in my hoody so why bother dressing to the nines then or now? Unquestionably because my mom wouldn’t have it any other way; my mother, my sister, women in general and no it can’t be our sleeping angel in her room, a man has to be better for himself. My love if I told you about the battles I have with the man in the mirror, and then you look at me; if you only knew how long I’ve been looking for you and when I finally found you, before then?

“You make me want to be a better man.” ― As Good as It Gets

Love can’t tell time; I heard that in a movie too, and before I met you, as I imagined the woman that you surely aren’t I had an epiphany, what if you could see me now? I even made a playlist full of songs about eyes, watching, the look of love, brown eyed girl, your eyes, and that’s just it, I know what I must look like now but back then I was worried about my face. Maybe I was hiding, and there are some things I can’t hide even if I wanted to, so that’s when I began thinking perhaps I should pretend that every day would be the day I would find you.

Let’s just say you kept me from doing more stupid stuff before we ever met and now well as the song goes, what makes a monster and what makes a man, and I cam only imagine who I am and what I am in your eyes. Bedroom eyes, those hungry eyes, those ocean eyes, I should know what makes you cry, other than certain movies and those Sarah Mclachlan commercials

So I will continue to wonder, I’m sorry, I can’t help it hopefully the future on the horizon is much grander than the past that t lies behind us, the black and white on some blog The World Sees Me.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 234 ~Just Look At Me~

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Michael Jackson once said keep it in the closet and other than all those pretty colors and outfits, how about my wife, who is complaining she has nothing to wear and personally I have nowhere I want to go, so can’t we stay home? Just Look At Me, I am

Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Lesson 234 ~Just Look At Me~

Dear Future Wife,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore only aren’t we always honest, has there ever been a straight answer to “does this make me look fat” or “does this make my butt look big” and how many years has it been since “Just The Way You Are”? I’m not Aladdin, but I will ask if you trust me, I’m not the Genie, but somehow I catch my breath, my heart starts beating, you knock me off of my feet and somehow love lifts us up where we belong; am I annoying you waiting here?

I’m sure I do with my million and one questions, which is why I don’t mind yours but you have mirrors, girlfriends, a dog though I’m sure he loves you for more than a dress my love. To think if love were blind I would probably still find myself in some husband’s chair listening, but I think I have a good fashion sense, don’t believe me? It’s not the hoody or the pair of jeans, some sneakers but the two of us hand in hand.

You know I’ll never complain about us being in the closet as long as I’m helping you or do you prefer when I say nothing at all. Like how much you love my dog when I see everything that has to go in the laundry, should I be jealous maybe? Not when I know how much we love each other when there are paint stains, grass, and moss, dinner, how am I going to feel when the husband chair also becomes the daddy chair someday.

If our daughter has our fashion essence, I might seriously consider us joining the Amish folk; I swear where does the time go, that’s right you’re still in the closet. Would it help if I told you the “First Time Ever I Saw Your Face” … ha, my dastardly plan worked, you coming out here to get my phone right.

Honestly though, if I told you what I saw when I first saw you, what I felt, what I wanted… let’s just say that I’m glad you’re not like other girls. Maybe I’m just happy I didn’t say nothing too stupid or profound, comparing you to a summer’s day or god forbid an “autumn” night.

The only thing that looks good on me is you, cause I got issues, but you got ’em too, saying something stupid like I love you, whatever could I answer that would convince you to stay home? Why would we ever, just look at me.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 227 ~Why Can’t Today Be~

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Valentine’s Day, I can’t say I know much about it and perhaps like most men I curse Hallmark and nearly every other retail outlet but loving your woman is something you should do every day. “Why Can’t Today Be,” other than being short one woman?

Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Lesson 227 ~Why Can’t Today Be~

Dear Future Wife,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, just maybe I should be, and with all the fear I should feel there is nothing in Heaven or Earth that would make me turn around now. Though they say Hell hath no fury but then wouldn’t that melt all the chocolate, you didn’t think I would forget, the first bullet dodged.

Like the first mountain climbed, that one rock skipped, the first step taken, and I know this jewel is not as big but while some men try I will do whatever I can so that you may shine. While I’m no one for history anymore and I couldn’t tell you the day of the gold rush I know what today is and besides they never taught when the silver rush is, do they? Quite careful when picking those lessons like so many roses, lilies, chrysanthemums, there must be a million types of flowers, but at the end of the day there is only one you.

One you and I celebrate you 365 days and if there is a leap day that’s mine and even now I would rather spend it with you if I could. Now I know you’re not that type of girl, you’re not like anyone else, so why not tell you all this tomorrow like any other guy and you know I probably will. Because today is today, I don’t understand how I can call it so, but it was an ordinary day when we first met, our first date, the first I love you, how many firsts on an average day? Who knows what will happen tomorrow, the world may be brighter, a lot shinier, a lot more colorful, and I will love you even more.

The same words but I will be only one of the chorus, I’ll have to be louder, you’ll have to glow but to be sure I would pick any other day in this big full world, anniversary, asking your father for his blessing, even your birthday. To think there was a day that we weren’t together; was it worse trying to find you or a gift trying to keep you, I know I don’t need all of this but am I sure, absolutely, positively, hmm.

That’s the day I’m waiting for, the night, the moment, not today, not tomorrow but one ordinary day when I know, give me that my love, Why Can’t Today Be?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 220 ~Waiting For My Girl~

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Live today because there is no tomorrow, is that why people believe in love at first sight, I swear if I had a nickel for every potential future misses, and people wonder why I focus on hair color sometimes. Waiting For My Girl, waiting for my story.

Tuesday, February 6, 2018

Lesson 220 ~Waiting For My Girl~

Dear Future Wife,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore because I won’t make the mistake of the typical man, as they say, good things come to those who wait, and I’ve stood in some truly awful lines, as I’m sure you have. Waiting for each other though, no I would instead take Mario’s approach, even if it means that plumbing job (more like retail) didn’t work out, or maybe you did your best Daenerys Targaryen, you’re the mother of dragons princess.

Maybe you will be someday with me by your side waiting for our first, our second, our third, already got the names picked out if they’re girls, Katniss, Tris, Ember, our girls on fire. No wonder I’ll need a castle and to find out my princesses are in another one, wait until I tell them the story of how I met their mother, my queen. Only why did I wait so long to find you, must have been the mushrooms, or the books, the writing, the games, to be worthy of having someone like you.

“Where have you been?”
“Waiting.” ― Fifty Shades of Grey

That’s why I’m still here, waiting, though I want to tell you “girl, you’re amazing, just the way you are,” how I love my smartphone, I love this music, and I love you even more. I suppose it serves me right, but at least we’ll be waiting together from now on, and they won’t all be so amazing, which is why I wish I found you so much sooner. When I was waiting to see if I would keep my job, when I was waiting to see if my book would be accepted, or what would become of my dog, or years and I do mean years into the future when the kids want a dog of their very own.

So you ask me why did I wait so long when I believe in love at first sight, however, could I spoil that moment and how did I know that I would see you again. Maybe I needed one more daydream, a moment to don my armor, how about how best to break it to my dog, my heart that is, and then, hmm then…

Good Night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow.” ― William Shakespeare’s Romeo & Juliet

I can’t wait to tell this story one day, and I promise not to be Ted Mosby when the time comes, but I can already hear, what are you waiting for as you stand there, yeah I was just, I guess Waiting For My Girl.

“What are you waiting for,
Love me like you do” Love Me Like You Do

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 212 ~If You Can’t Love, Understand~

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Why do I hate you is the most common question but when is the last time I asked the man, staring back at me why do I love you and before I ask him to change his ways I must understand why he is the way he is. “If You Can’t Love, Understand”

Monday, January 29, 2018

Lesson 212 ~If You Can’t Love, Understand~

Seventeenth Rule Madam Justice,

“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.” Sun Tzu

I Am Not Afraid Anymore, or I won’t be once I finally understand the man I see in the mirror every day; love him, probably not but to get to know him… there’s a possibility. It gets harder to show kindness with each day passing and hate can be just as tricky but to understand, I believe that will save lives more than anything else.

Look at “Battle For The Planet of The Apes” there was an ape named Mandemus (The Keeper of Caesar’s Conscience and Armory) and before one could acquire a weapon you needed to explain why. I joked with a friend once that by the time you got past him you would have forgotten what you were mad at in the first place and thus tragedy would be avoided. The Jedi are without a possessive love but where they failed is their fear to understand the Dark Side, denying an enemy exists does not negate the enemy. Instead, you must contemplate why it is so to hate.

“The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.” ― Verbal, The Usual Suspects (1995)

Keeping in mind animals are so much better than us, I don’t know how my dog knows, but when I’m sad he comes to cuddle, if I’m hurt somewhere, that becomes his focus. If I lock myself in the bathroom, he sits beside it, even offered me a blanket once. In that same token if someone attacks me the only understanding he needs is, somebody he loves is in danger, and so he fights; that’s the rub we don’t have to like everyone or love, but we must understand. If anything that’s the reason we’re still here, the human race, we have turned following the who, what, when, why, and how into science, religion, and art but it only buys us continuation a moment more.

So as Michael Jackson put it, I’m starting with the man in the mirror, when I understand him, and I mean genuinely acknowledge I can then decide to love or to hate, but man and especially woman are so damn complicated. I can’t touch a star, but I can build a rocket ship, I haven’t killed anyone but I can dig a hole, and it’s quite easy to buy a gun, that just got dark.

My point is how can I hate him for being a loud mouth while I’m understanding my quiet, how can I hate her words when I can’t define myself, I hate her looks but can’t embrace what I see in my mirror, one must understand, If You Can’t Love, Understand.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 204 ~It’s The Good Heat~

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Without a doubt fear is the ultimate cold and have I always been this frozen in place, paralyzed, hard, wanting nothing more than soft, warm blankets, my cuddly dog, and a cup of hot cocoa when I’m not too lazy to get up. It’s The Good Heat

Sunday, January 21, 2018

Lesson 204 ~It’s The Good Heat~

To Will:
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, are you ever too lazy for fear, is that what this is or are you too busy trying to keep it in your pants; by the way, good job with that, definitely going on the list. Here’s the question though, what happened to your anger, your passion, and the weather is getting warmer, so you honestly have no excuse for being wrapped up indoors the way you have; yet another thing for the list of six impossible things.

Indeed Hell is not an impossible thing, and maybe I’m too blame with the forced censorship of she who will not be named, is that to blame also for this depression, that you are getting out of this week. Yeah, you’ll have quite an itinerary this week, and I’m sure you’ll be mad enough and man enough because you’re going back to the day job as well. What was that I just mentioned about Hell, that’s just it isn’t it, you can’t stand being cold and I don’t just mean physically but spiritually as well.

You have a heart in there someplace, I know it but what have we been using as fuel nowadays other than your own words and why are looking to hate more, feel lust, not that those are bad things considering where you are. Who was it that said, any place you never leave becomes a prison, and since you don’t feel the house is a home, home is where the heart is, and that’s always with the dog, but he might be a cellmate with your work and depression which isn’t a good thing. My point is you have to find other ways to stay warm without being wrapped up in the covers, hating some stupid bitch and the rest of the world, and porn binging.

Now while finding the Esther to your Benji might be too far I’m thinking that you honestly should start believing six impossible things before breakfast and so those six goals will be the following list:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants, (Day 25 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Go Outside, Not Work Or Walmart, But Starbucks, Bookstore, Library
3. I Will Not Censor Myself
4. I Will Smart Off To Somebody At Work
5. I Will Focus More On The Dog And Actual Pretty Girls
6. I Will Work On My NaNoWriMo Novel

This list seems quite attainable doesn’t it and as I said this must become a thing if life is ever going to get better, take for example you won’t be crawling back under the covers today. Make the bed, eat something, take a shower, and you have four hours of work at the dining room table before you start reading.

Will it’s always time to do the right thing; okay, couldn’t say that with a straight face but as the song goes, get up, get out, and get something started; living, It’s The Good Heat.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 197 ~A Five Star Life~

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Never did I think that I would have as much as I do at this moment, it’s not five stars, but it is a place, it’s comfort, but I still can’t say it’s home, even now I can’t say that it’s my life either. “A Five Star Life,” how I’m trying so hard hmm..

Sunday, January 14, 2018

Lesson 197 ~A Five Star Life~

To Will:
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, just something new I want you to try as you consider what kind of life you want, all five star and such. This week has been all about the numbers right, and you’ll have all week to not think about it, but maybe we should mention last week’s goal, while the past indeed continues to haunt us sadly.

1. You replaced the lightbulb
2. You gave it an honest try at work, “EVOLUTION” does not happen overnight
3. Somehow even Haley Pullos was not enough for you to unzip
4. Thinking is not writing
5. The blog is still somewhat in shambles, (more on that)
6. Talking to a female yes, but no potential bed buddies, no numbers

This week has been all about the numbers, whether it be banking, the hours you’re getting at work, Braxton’s two eyes, or days left with a friend amongst other things. Sleep is for winners, and if you’re going to be up all night long you might as well be doing something productive, idle hands you know, and these words are going to be your salvation, yeah I know, too tired to laugh if you could only cut that stuff out at work. Speaking of cutting things out, I hope you don’t repeat my “Nero” mistake from last night, remember how I said I Am Not Afraid Anymore, I’m going to need you to believe that, just like you have faith in taking that next breath. It was like something off of GTA, when crime nets you five stars, but it was worst back then six.

Remember the blog is still in shambles, and I moved all the work back to the old one, and then I was afraid, “she who would not be named” would see, and we would lose everything. Not to mention, cops, restraining orders, firings, bringing me back to absolute zero. The only zero is her, no more thoughts, no more time, no more cares, I mean no worries, three little birds, “Two Fux” and everything in-between. Will, you can’t afford to build an empire in minutes and then spend half the night burning it down to the ground for one bitch.

Maybe that should be this week’s goal, to not say one more word about some whack-ass, no-respect-giving bitch, I could continue and of course debate this, being the guy I am but that’s just it, you’re not me today. Every week the overall goal is for you to be a better man, to live a life worth having an may Braxton keep his two eyes and not go blind from Cataracts so he can see it one day not someday.

No more “she who will not be named” no more wasting time, you’ll have to work don’t you know to have A Five Star Life.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 182 ~Yearly Revolution, Evolution, Resolutions~

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Tomorrow is New Year’s Eve, and on Monday I will yet again be reborn, but will I still be in the same place, if I can’t get out of bed for one night, how best to do what I should be doing for the new year? “Yearly Revolution, Evolution, Resolutions

Saturday, December 30, 2017

Lesson 182 ~Yearly Revolution, Evolution, Resolutions~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, if I could but leave it in the past, the end of this year, I don’t know whether to be glad, sad, feel bad, excuse the rhymes but that is yet one more thing that has not changed. It’s like the eye doctor always asks, better, worse, or about the same, and I’m pleased if things remain but I shouldn’t.

1. See Braxton through another year
2. Write 400 words on workdays (Goal 120,000)
3. Write 5000 words on off days (Goal 120,000)
4. Sleep with a different girl a month (and, or) have a girlfriend
5. Buy a cookbook
6. Participate in NaNoWriMo (novel in a month) 50,000 words
7. Finish repairs (Back Fence, Refrigerator Light, Car, etc.)
8. Publish a poetry book
9. Collect more than 4,000 dollars in 52 Week Money challenge
10. Read for an hour and a half every day

Last year’s list of resolutions, high hopes but Braxton is alive, and I hope happy, I didn’t write 400 words a day until we began talking again but I have finished my 120,000-word novel “Some Assembly Required” that’s still a working title of course. This whole year I haven’t slept with one girl, and though I could have had one, I didn’t take the opportunity or speaking of which buy a cookbook either. I did complete NaNoWriMo “The Keys To Life” working title, I got a new car and did minor household stuff, no book of poetry, barely over 2,000 dollars, and reading… my lowest score in a reading challenge with 26 books so no.

2018 Resolutions:
1. See Braxton through another year
2. Continue to write my blog, at least 400 words daily and gain a profit
3. Complete one novel without NaNoWriMo
4. Sleep with a different girl a month (and, or) have a girlfriend/submissive
5. Read over 25 books one being a cookbook
6. Participate in NaNoWriMo (a novel in a month) 50,000 words
7. Finish all repairs (Back Fence, Refrigerator Light, Car, etc.)
8. Publish two books, poetry and novel
9. Collect more than 4,000 dollars in 52 Week Money challenge
10. Read for an hour and a half every day

Does it look like I’m even attempting to evolve, to rebel, of course, Braxton always comes first, and I bought everything I needed for a blog in September didn’t I and if I call myself a writer, shouldn’t I be going to work on that? I have to get out of this house and start hitting Books-A-Million, Starbucks, the library again, maybe even try Target because of Indiana Gone put it “bitches love Target”; and I should have a girl before November. I know I have skills, hell I built a coffee table, wrote a book, and if I publish I should have money and time honestly am I right?

What happened to me Lady Luna, where is the impossible, immoral, illegal, and insane, Tony Montana, of course, has it right, you have to work, you have to make money. As the song goes it’s a Bittersweet Symphony, and I can change, but then I look at this year. Now that should be the most significant fear, that I will still be sitting here, same as I was last year, fighting a stomachache, hiding in the house, with too much to read and not enough to write but another excuse, a wish, and some dream.

So what have I learned today, to be me and then not so, other than Braxton’s life, make my life so I just might need new Yearly Revolution, Evolution, Resolutions?

I Will Have No Fear