Tag: Truth

Episode 265 ~Hell Of Weak Will~

WillLeave a comment

I think I called this week exactly what I thought it would be and I was too weak to make it otherwise, even today and of course counting up failures is tomorrow’s business; maybe I need a new hobby. “Hell Of Weak Will” or a Stupid Will

Saturday, March 23, 2019

Episode 265 ~Hell Of Weak Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
How to Make One Million Dollars, well I still have plans to go to “Sin City.” What was it, last week, the one before? All I could think about was a bestseller, building, brothel, and babes. This week I instead not think at all or I don’t; that’s because I Am Stupid.

Being a traditionalist, I do prefer the “old-timey” HORNY, FEARFUL, and STUPID. That’s not to say that I’m against “SAT” words Abnegation, Erudite, Dauntless, Amity, and Candor. How I miss Shailene Woodley; of course, you knew I would go with Horny first. Don’t worry this all links in with my general stupidity. Having gone to the movies Thursday and seeing Jordan Peele’s “US,” I was disappointed. There was no sex scene with Lupita Nyong’o. What about the fact that I now know who Cali and Noelle Sheldon are? Yes, Lady Lu I’m going to Hell, but I haven’t looked for any twin porn; yet. No, I saved that for Eileen Kelly in Playboy. More the lack thereof, the hits keep coming, sadly like me Thursday.

It was too much Lady Lu, the fear I mean. My last panic attack was at the day job over cleaning duty. Before that back when I was another “redshirt.” The men of Star Trek make dying look so easy I mean the original series. Now there I was at the movies, shaking because I was attempting to make exact change. Such a fear bothers me more than looking up girls on the internet. Between Fear and Rage, my fear won. You know rage doesn’t think. Lady Lu, Fear is a fucking Brainiac (Language Please). Is that what “US” was talking about right? I may as well be one of the Tethered, no soul but all the rage coming topside.

So why am I too stupid to use it? Do you know why I call myself out on my language usage? One day I think I’ll find the courage and I’ll tell those assholes (really Will) No More. Allow me to be a hypocrite in saying that fear makes you smart and an idiot. It’s why I’m looking for a new vice, hobby, and distraction. Everyone needs something, makes us human or something close. I was too weak this week to keep it up, which is why I didn’t work Friday. Not the Day Job or my Purpose, nothingness Lady Lu, Hell Of Weak Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 260 ~Don’t Mistake Stupidity For Courage~

WillLeave a comment

How I wish my courage had held today, all day long there were delusions of grandeur of being an “Adult Entertainment” Entrepreneur and if you think that’s “stupid” you should have seen me at the day job. Don’t Mistake Stupidity For Courage.

Monday, March 18, 2019

Episode 260 ~Don’t Mistake Stupidity For Courage~

Seventy-Sixth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, sell-out I’ll admit Madam Justice. If you told me I could have everything I wanted, monetarily speaking if I found God, I would. Make me a member of the 1% percent. I would be more paranoid than usual I bet. Leaving to go to the day job is the definition of stupidity for courage. I’m dealing with people I hate. All on the premise that I’m getting stronger… I’ve wilted more in that place.

Much like Happiness, Love, and Life, COURAGE is something I can’t find. Only STUPIDITY much like yesterday. (The 13th Wednesday, staying ahead of this horrible week). I’m not going to lie Madam Justice. I spent all that money because I wanted to feel better. I do want to take up gaming again, and a pretty girl. Hell, most of my idiocy stems from Beautiful Girls. Yes I know I keep repeating myself. Butterfree blocked, Brazzers skeevy, and I can do worse. If I had to guess today at the day job you stood your ground as best you could. You endured a plethora of moronic moments. Still, this was you attempting to be a man. At the start of today, you asked only one thing.

I read once, that courage is sometimes a quiet voice saying I’ll try again. Only to me, sounds like my feet hitting the floor. I’m reminding myself constantly to pick up my boots and being too exhausted to remember. So I drag them along, that’s the end of Inventory. It’s lighting that match and raining down Hell on others. Enduring the fire, and sometimes it’s your pyre. How I wish I would let my face attempt to go red. Better than the other stupid stuff I do with my eyes and mouth. Madam Justice, it’s treating every girl like fucking Medusa (LANGUAGE). They can make me hard as a rock, but I will go no further. If I have learned anything, wanting HEAD from one is nothing compared to the girl for me I know.

Yes I know the story of Medusa, I was always one for the Greek myths. It beats all the vexing things I spouted. However, notice sometimes courage only means you stand while a stupid man goes places. Where do I reside… Brainbuddy? I’ll give up Fappening but porn? Let it be in others stupidity that I find what it means to be brave. No that doesn’t pan out either. Tom Bilyeu says every moment is a moment for courage. So I can attack in any direction. But I must learn at some point Madam Justice, Don’t Mistake Stupidity For Courage.

“I worship individuals for their highest possibilities as individuals and I loathe humanity for its failure to live up to these possibilities.”
— Ayn Rand (Goodreads)

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 258 ~Blind Faith To Will~

WillLeave a comment

Do I still think I can see into the future, I wrote this Wednesday, and I saw this day going a lot better, only I wasn’t blind to some girl, I know what I need to do, and tomorrow sigh. Blind Faith To Will

Saturday, March 16, 2019

Episode 258 ~Blind Faith To Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars, today is Wednesday. I’m still STUCK on the idea that I will write a best seller. Now if I had the money this second, I know there is no way I would be going to work on Sunday. My problem is that I don’t see the money though. I see Inventory, insanity, and indignation. One of my motivations says that no one can hate you more than you hate yourself. Only nowadays I look, others don’t.

In a way I envy them. In some ways, a button is worse than a trigger. Do you recall when I was talking about Brainbuddy (which you should CANCEL Friday okay)? My deep confusion about what classifies as porn. Yep, I lied to those people “One? Yeah.” Giving up Fapping, sure. The porn, hell after doing the Morning Routine, it was right back to the Heartless Prince. After that Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest. Still, nobody can show me something more beautiful than women. Some people tell me to have faith in God. Blind faith and those same people were the ones that made me out to be a nerd or worse. So my eyes were too full of tears. I was busy getting up close and personal with a baseball bat, balled fist, and my blood in the dirt most days.

I saw this religious movie once called Apocalypse, and there was this guy Bronson Pearl. Now he wouldn’t listen to his girlfriend or some story. He dug up his father’s grave and only at that moment did he find faith. Faith Lady Luna is work. I was looking at myself, and for once it wasn’t my fucked up teeth (LANGUAGE). Nor was it my body; it was my bloodshot eyes from working.

Nevertheless, with my writing, I do not see the results and the day job sigh. I’d rather be dead instead. Now that sounds harsh, but it’s like everything in my world is, I don’t know. In one way it’s living in a museum, don’t touch that it’s priceless. Don’t think that, those people were savages. Stay behind the rope, the line, the people. Better yet don’t look ever.

Am I back in school before I had my glasses? Only I couldn’t see the board so of course, I failed. Math where I was expected to get it, but I never did. So I bought into lies, and now I’m an adult where there is no future in my job. Walmart fails ha, or my eyes are stuck on a screen, headphones always. Is that the game, you see too much or too little. However they say look up, and even the sun is blinding. Still, I know every shade of blue there is. I can’t close my eyes anymore, but why believe in myself, Blind Faith To Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 253 ~Being Alive Is Quite Expensive~

WillLeave a comment

I’m not sure I did it and almost doesn’t count, but I spent nearly eight hours today surviving so that one day I might live, and what would I do with that time… I have plenty of could be classics ready to go ha. “Being Alive Is Quite Expensive.”

Monday, March 11, 2019

Episode 253 ~Being Alive Is Quite Expensive~

Seventy-Fifth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, in a word from Darius Rucker “Time.” In every breath, and as “THEY” always say blood, sweat, and tears. Forgoing any other bodily fluids but we’ll get to that. What about the things that make me feel alive? To be honest with you Madam Justice, death isn’t looking so bad right now but in reality. I’m only tired; as I said last week, I’m only human. Sleep is yet another addiction I’ll have to overcome, again we’ll get there.

It begins with time and how much of that am I spending on my work. Of course, I talk to my girls every day. Still on novels, news about them, nonsense that could be anything from poetry to short stories. There’s getting girls to take off their clothes. No, it wasn’t about that this morning, groaning, grinding, getting out my Fleshlight. I did Meditate, move that scale on my latest read. I even made the bed, and I’m still breathing, right. All of this to become a better “human.” Other than working up a sweat walking B III, I do feel like crying because I’m exhausted. Sadly the day has only begun, but that’s the price, and I’m so greedy.

Yesterday I made a list because I was beginning to forget all these things I’m relying on to stay. What motivated, marginalized and liking it, beats being ME. Anyway, so there’s Patreon because I wanted to look at Cosplayer boobs. Spotify because work sucks. Prime as I desired games sooner. New Brainbuddy to control my feelings towards boobs. If it’s not dollars, I again look to time. I do exercises for my mind, work that makes me want to die. FEAR though, now you wouldn’t think that being afraid and sleep would go together. No, I only see monsters when I’m awake, in the mirror.

How about when I talked about not being a thief. However, I could tell you some stories about MOTHERLESS and True Teen Babes. The way I started my porn stash. Why yes I’ve stolen things other than porn, and I’ll get more into that Wednesday. The idea is today, buying a few more hours. Begging my body to keep going, and “stealing…” well, no it’s a seven-day free trial. That’s how I’m getting by. I’m surviving, and it’s as if I have to win back my life. Somehow that price of having it to keep, Being Alive Is Quite Expensive.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 251 ~I’m Staying Alive Will~

WillLeave a comment

If you don’t have your health; the thing is I think I know what will fix this but after that monster headache, no more energy shots for a while but my poor characters t if I stay awake today. I’m Staying Alive Will.

Saturday, March 9, 2019

Episode 251 ~I’m Staying Alive Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars; I’m sure I’ll make it after I’m long dead. As much as I have written, but it will be nowhere near three thousand words. Did I promise myself such today working?

Head games you know. When your body is telling you your so fucked up (Language) that it has you going looking on WebMD for answers. In that respect why aren’t I dead by now? Hearing one of your coworkers say again and again their not a racist. Speaking the truth though they’re mad about a former lover dating someone black. However, in all fairness, I’m not one to date black women. We’ve talked about the ones that leave me in the morning. Help me; if I were to ask for it, it would come in a little plastic tube. 5-hour ENERGY still has me wrecked, from my head to my feet nowadays, could be worse.

Heartbreak and I know my heart isn’t so. Seriously though I hate coming off like Howard Wolowitz or like some criminal. Yeah, women prefer the clown but the comedian died and how many days has it been? Hair Razing as my heart sank when I saw what was coming. Do you know what’s going to make me such the zombie survivor? I learned to avoid people when they’re still alive. Hands not idle but sore, sexy, and sorry for, well I’m here. Shouldn’t I make a list of my crimes, but that’s the thing, isn’t it. I don’t want to survive; I want to live.

Horny never helps though. If there is any consolation, with all this pain I’m feeling at the present moment; I can’t think about sex. Not saying I would turn it down but that should show you how much this hurts. Hips, Legs, all the way down to my toes, how I stood at all today is a miracle. I got up early to read today. I’m two minutes away from crawling into bed and going back to sleep, much like I did this morning after the book. Health is everything isn’t it Lady Lu. Yes B III has better health care than me because he has me and he’s alive.

How about if I only try living. Am I going to break off into some positive phase like once upon a time? All I know is that today sure as hell ain’t that day, only I’m not dying. I’m not getting arrested, one more miracle right, I’m Staying Alive Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 246 ~I’m An Ordinary Human, Sucks~

WillLeave a comment

“You did not wake up to be mediocre;” you are not average, phenomenal skill, phenomenal will, hell I would take being anything than what’s sitting on my couch, and my son is something but me? I’m An Ordinary Human, Sucks

Monday, March 4, 2019

Episode 246 ~I’m An Ordinary Human, Sucks~

Seventy-Fourth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, become a monster, a messiah, or a madness, hell being a writer. I have tried on all the caps, creatures, and contagious diseases to make myself more than HUMAN.

Monster sigh even more so today or don’t I wish. Again I want to give you some horrible backstory seeing as how I’m a novelist and all. Most though would declare it, Fake News, Fiction, or Flights of Fancy. Far from a fantasy or at least, it was while it was happening, so let me get this off my chest. God can I stop thinking about chest or more to the point BOOBS. The Harley Quinn cosplayer, the costly mom, a damn collection but yeah I came. Uglier than Freddy, I should wear a mask like Jason, and infected like a damn zombie but we’ll get to that. I’m a horny man, a human being.

You didn’t see me at work today; I might as well have strings coming out of my ass. (LANGUAGE) I know, but that sounds so much better than having people’s noses, nails, hell even whole heads up it. I tell you Madam Justice, the shit that comes out of my mouth (I’m Trying) is nothing compared to theirs. So I refuse to take part as I’ll drown in it and become even more disgusting as they think I am and I know I am this moment. Someone sang of the differences between monsters and man, but I am so much lower than that. Someone also said that it’s a disease this thing we call love. No this isn’t it Madam; what does this make a crazy little thing called LUST.

Madman, me, now that’s madness, and I barely call the man I see in the mirror a man. It’s like sticking a needle in my arm (which I’ve never) snorting any “powder” (Wrong white Lady Madam Justice). Or smoking something here or there, (never cigarettes) women are my addiction. For nearly two weeks, I’ve avoided any sign of you know who but yeah last night with the cosplayer. I’m not worried, being who I am I’ll be ignored. Then there are the words “Oh My Sweet Goddess” that led to my insanity, either that or Harley Quinn. But I… yeah I have a million excuses on how this day was supposed to turn out, but who could dare carry it out. A sick man like myself, a pretty girl appears and way down, we go, Human. Everyone, to our knees, be it prayer, primal instinct, or psychos; sick of this, I’m An Ordinary Human, Sucks.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 244 ~Scared Will, Theories Told~

WillLeave a comment

I should keep my “Wisdom” to myself, but I didn’t break my hands, my throat though goes from itchy to Aww Hell and wouldn’t that be the best punishment for someone like me, to tell stories to no one ever. Scared Will, Theories Told

Saturday, February 23, 2019

Episode 244 ~Scared Will, Theories Told~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars, as I dare to call myself a writer, an easy mistake to make, again and again. I could take being the one to find out how the world found its conclusion, all its shapes, and forms.

With everything on my mind recently, I had this theory at the Day Job about the Mark of The Beast. Now I am still not a religious man, but they say the mark will be seen in our right hands today. Yes, there are left-handed people but think about it, our phones. I wrote before about how “THEY” say people care for their phones more than their children. The flesh of our flesh and hell on B III’s Birthday I was a slave to mine, it knows everything. The mark will also find homes on our foreheads, worse, in our brains. How much does Spotify understand about me, how much social media, XVideos or PornHub?

Less these days I know, but another idea is that one life can change the world. I also believe in zombies, aliens and for the past week again I am Prometheus. Is it the heart today or my privates, for now, I’m not getting a “stiffy.” If I get a hard on somebody’s going Lorena Bobbitt on my behind, if I open up my heart, that’s a snack. So either way, I’m pushing a stone up a hill much like Sisyphus. My happiest decisions nowadays are me carrying the world on my shoulders like Atlas. I call a girl pretty, that’s a block. If I see a girl on Twitter, deleted, and if I decide to shrug off having any desire, I’m nothing at all.

What’s with Titanomachy and me, do I see such wisdom in the Greeks. Well the gods defeated the Titans, and again Christianity hasn’t done me any favors, so why did I leave; “WHY” I asked why. God says come as you are and you’ll be born again, but I don’t like that guy either. Why do I want the BDSM Lifestyle? Now that’s too big a subject; I wrote the most beautiful things for the worse men. So they could end up with “innocent” angels.

As you can see these days, women run away. Still to meet one that walks into a cage, chain, or collars willingly and doesn’t want to leave? My childhood, I wrote my name and asked my aunt what I wrote, and I’ve been asking women ever since permission. Like my seventh “birthday” when I said What The Hell instead of “What in tarhooties?!” Well ever since then I’ve traveled a “Fury Road” of people, yet I commit more sins every day unfailingly. Muttering “I’m Sorry” eternally Scared Will, Theories Told.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 239 ~Creativity Thy Name Is Woman~

WillLeave a comment

If but to woo, warn, and win a woman, I’m not a man of faith but I use the “gifts” I have, I am a writer, I strive to be wise, and dare I call myself a warrior and what’s it all for as the song goes? “Creativity Thy Name Is Woman”

Monday, February 25, 2019

Episode 239 ~Creativity Thy Name Is Woman~

Seventy-Third Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, don’t sit on your ass and wait. Only in that being said, there are such things as ideas, intendedness, and of course irony. With what happened Friday. It does not profit a man to worry, but like alcohol, a significant cause of and a solution to many of life’s problems. Such becomes the nature of women. The sixty-seventh rule: Women Make The World Harder.

“Don’t do that. Don’t make the mistake of calling what’s inside me worry. Good men worry. Men like me take care of the problem.” Beyond

Let it go Elsa but I can’t because I seem unable to learn from history. I was “skeevy” towards one woman and blocked, thus restarting my writing career. I behaved as a “gentlemen” towards another and all I’ve dreamed of is losing everything. For days I’ve found my libido lacking, XVideos, Pornhub, and My “Vault.” The closest I’ve gotten to porno is casting Memphis Monroe in my short story. “We Are The Thorny Ones,” and that’s a “murder” mystery ha. Yeah, writing is still not making a profit but what about my pornographic MILF, the birthday MILF. My one friend who is calling out for help and why haven’t I done anything to rescue her?

Memphis Monroe, American Daydreams, Naughty Athletics

Speaking of the Birthday MILF, Happy Birthday “Okay” I hope you like The Cloister Series. You being a woman of beguiling beauty, brave badassery, and the brightest brilliance. I wish you all the blessings in this world and even more.

“Plus, every other girl I know is either married, professional or closely related to me. So you’re more, or less–you’re literally the only girl in the world.

“Hmm.”

“That’s a hell of a thing to say.” The Message, Firefly

Now I sound like Simon from Firefly; didn’t I mention yesterday that I know too many girls and I was telling “Cherry” this. I took one girl to the movies, we had movie nights, I cooked dinner for her, and so she trusted me, so does Okay. I paid the pornographic MILF and kept my word about her naked pictures.

With all of this as known, I believe all women are beautiful in their own way. Now I can always count on well two so far, to make me the worst kind of man. But what if I could be “The Best Man” and Okay’s birthday should count as a Holiday. Like that movie three principles of my life as a man and of course Will’s Writings, Witticisms, and Wisdom. As always my existence does revolve around one thing. Women Madam Justice, writer, wisdom, warrior. I could think of a million other things but never have I done so much if I wasn’t trying to woo, warn, or win a woman. In that order, I give all that I am, because I’m a man, but Creativity Thy Name Is Woman.

Writer
Wise
Warrior
WILL

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 237 ~Pen Hand Strong Will~

WillLeave a comment

I began in the midnight hour, and I’m only now rising, I was busy keeping my guts down, and if I had done so earlier well, I wouldn’t feel this way; “Looked Who Grossed Up” and that wasn’t even the worst night but now? Pen Hand Strong Will.

Saturday, February 23, 2019

Episode 237 ~Pen Hand Strong Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars, at the moment, even if I had it, I would spend it all to make this feeling go away. Do you know why I always ask the question? Because my first impression, insinuation, and involvement is still the way wrong answer.

It doesn’t explain why I am talking to you so late tonight or early this morning. Other than the fact that I feel like I might vomit and like I said yesterday. That proves one has guts but who wants to see that. We’re not doctors, Walkers, and even knights wore armor. If that’s what thing I learned tonight, I’m no prince on a white horse. Lady Luna I’ve come to the understanding that I’m one of two things and neither would allow me to sleep. Option A being, I’m a monster, I scare people, I’ve said it myself time and time again. Option B I’m nothing, I’m no one, and that’s why there is no need to wish, whisper, or write because who sees. Well, she did and convicted me, she did and called me out, she did and canceled, she did cause I’m nothing.

It hasn’t tasted the same you know, an ICEE, I still drink them, but on one day I nearly killed a dog. He slammed into my car door, but the taste I miss from my drink. The same with IBC Root Beer when my “father” slapped me, and they say alcohol numbs the pain. What about sleep, I haven’t gotten to rest a night without blogging first, and you know what caused that. Lesson 001 Looked Who Grossed Up and here we are again Lady Luna. Now I’ll never be able to look at Pokemon. Think about that Crazy Town song Butterfly. Listen to Michael Jackson’s Butterflies without thinking of what happened tonight. I’m sure you’re asking what the hell, so I guess I’m ready.

I asked a woman out once; she said nothing. I asked her out again this month; she said nothing. She showed butterflies around her and her daughter I posted “Butterfree” on Instagram. I quoted Crazy Town Lyrics to Butterfly, and here we are. Blocked, no bye, and with the belief, I’m the worse creature to roam the planet Earth. No, a cretin, worthless and cowering afraid of losing everything. Now I want to erase it all because it’s easier to destroy myself than watch others leave me once again, been there. Why do you think I’m always on the brink, forever seeing the end but no I repeat the mistakes of the past. My how a year and a half passed August 6, 2017, and now February 22, 2019, in the same horrific situation. Damn Pen Hand Strong Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 232 ~How Do You Want It~

WillLeave a comment

Last week I talked about “Someday” so let’s say “One Day” came, how would I be living my life; I would probably be as confused as ever, but since I’m not looking at a magic lamp, wishes get complicated. How Do I Want It

Monday, February 18, 2019

Episode 232 ~How Do You Want It~

Seventy-Second Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, my first will come from writing no doubt. Wasn’t it last night that “Okay” asked me that if I were to get anything for her birthday, it would be that of submitting a book. My “big sister” asked me to send the short story, we wrote together years back.

Now Tupac asked the question “How Do You Want It.” Will Smith said something to the tune of; if you’re not making another life better, you’re wasting your time. Chris Rock when talking about love says; when you’re a man look yourself in the mirror and say fuck you. My language I know, but he added, now let’s get out there and try to make this bitch happy. Yesterday I asked how do I make myself happy, and again I keep feeling so gross about that. More often than not it’s what I can get away with and not what can I do. Of course, last night was “The Walking Dead,” and I feel like a WHISPERER. They march with the dead and what can they do; anything, that’s death.

“But you invite us to a poker game, hand us a fixed deck and then wonder why we can’t win?” ― The Tuskegee Airmen (1995)

You know Republicans claim God is one of theirs. You get what you get, and you learn how to live with or without and that’s your life, God’s will and all. If we are his children let alone if there is a God then in his image, we are all stupid. I texted Okay that mother is God in the eyes of a child and she loves her children more than anything. With that sentiment, I am my father’s son. He and I can both agree I don’t want to be stupid. An embarrassment, him in general, full of hate, a man who abuses women, or the greatest evil I know in the world. Start of this week I have looked at myself in the mirror and like I talked about stupidity, does everyone hate me? I’m being told to hate myself or do I hate this man before me?

“What easy way? There is no easy way, no matter what I do, somebody gets hurt.”

“Would you stop thinking about what everyone wants? Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do YOU want? What do you WANT?”

“It’s not that simple.”

“What… do… you… want? Whaddaya want?” ― from The Notebook (2004)

What do I want Madam Justice in this one moment, I want to be writing my next bestseller? To be sifting through all the files of girls that want to come and work at one of my cathouses. Could I be cutting and pasting pornographic movie scenes? Why do I want this… because this is what I do Madam Justice, I write, I see the world, I know what I believe, and I want to understand. I have a son that needs a better father, friends that have faith in me, a woman waiting for me. Everything that has never known giving or was teased and never offered I’ll take.

“You want me to beg? Okay, I’ll beg. This is the only thing I know I am good at! Don’t take that away from me!” Best of the Best (1989)

So then that central question HOW? By sitting at this table working my ass off and not being afraid to say words because of anyone. Even with my son lying on my lap? On the beach with my family, in my office with beautiful women. How Do I Want It?

I Will Have No Fear