Tag: Motivations

Log 245 ~Pretending Is Optional, Not Requisite~

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One more story so I can pretend to be a writer, I can say I have more time, but if I don’t do anything with it, and I’m starting back listening to my motivations as if I believe I will be inspired. Pretending Is Optional, Not Requisite

Monday, March 2, 2020

Log 245 ~Pretending Is Optional, Not Requisite~

Hundred And Twenty-Sixth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or so I pretend as such. You know Madam Justice, I’ve never been a fan of that saying, “Fake it ‘til you make it.” Well, my motivations say otherwise. The law of attraction, positive affirmations, my current novella. At the moment, I’m unsure because sitting right here on this loveseat; I don’t have to pretend. The “dang” HUMMING is driving me crazy. In the shower this morning, I was breaking down, if you know what I mean. Going out into the world, I was scared to death.

As the song goes, “If I could be like that.” Again I think of my hero Dennis Hof. He was a Pimp, parent of a dog, and he penned a book. Two out of three right, Madam Justice? Sometimes I walk around like I’m a pimp, but as I’ve been saying a lot these days, things are falling apart. What about my story, am I giving up already? Last night I wanted to, no question. I’m three parts in, and I don’t know where I’m going. In chapter four, Minister Bridgeman is, of course, starting to give away his “holy man” ways duh. What about being a rich man at all? How much money did I send today, gorging myself? Didn’t I have a conversation about not spending money on a new Kindle and an HP Printer? Relax, I didn’t because even pretending to be reasonable is something else entirely.

I pretend to be, well, I’m not even a comedian anymore, I’m only the punchline. What’s sickening though is at the Day Job, I’m upset that I didn’t go in today. It’s (Saturday, February 29) LEAP DAY, which of course, I spaced on. Am I pretending to be a writer, Madam Justice? Getting back into my motivations, one says you’re either a writer or not. I’m not pretending to be a writer, but instead that anything I put down makes perfect sense. I’m living in the moment, and I don’t know what any of this means. My pretending is becoming real but only the worse things. If I may quote another song, “Why do the things I hate come so naturally.” One more reason I sleep all the time. But isn’t that, well “pretend that we’re dead.” I’m not suicidal.

When will I stop pretending Madam Justice, better yet how? Pretending Is Optional, Not Requisite.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 152 ~Willing Cause For Occasion~

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It doesn’t need to be noble, unique, or even a tragedy, I finished NaNoWriMo, and all I got is a YouTube video, so confetti, and a shirt I had to pay for but doing something like writing 50,000 words or getting out of bed. Willing Cause For Occasion.

Saturday, November 30, 2019

Log 152 ~Willing Cause For Occasion~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a billionaire right now, and you would think that would be enough. Yes, I have been listening to a lot of my motivations lately. If you recall last year or the year before, I got heavy into Fearless Motivation, Fearless Soul. I began “studying” Eric Thomas, Tom Bilyeu, and with this year Dale Carnegie. Now being honest, Lady Luna, I started reading and listening to him because of Dennis Hof. The thing is, with all of these works and teachers they require, Purpose, Discipline, and a Lack Of Sleep, SIGH.

Yesterday My Lady, I tried, and you know I’m always on the cusp of quoting Master Yoda. Anyway, I was reading, and when I began to read the same sentence twenty times in a row well. Now it’s not like I didn’t pay for it, I missed around a half-hour of wrestling. Don’t ask me what I ate for the last two nights? A bag of Goldfish crackers a kid left, six muffins, and four while I was in bed. There were two bags of sour gummy bears that I packed and two cookies. Is this what my life is worth, I ate Thanksgiving Dinner before working Black Friday and again I can’t stand my Day Job. So why do I try so hard at something I detest but do so poorly on things I enjoy. Yet last night, Brooke Logan plus Cherry. I’m still Family-Friendly SIGH; if you look any of those names up, you have only yourself to blame. I wish I could share, but I know better.

So as for today, why did I bother getting up at all? I mean, I got out of bed, put on my boots instead of my slippers, and then what? I played TWD so I could finish the Daily Challenge. My Dæmon has been outside and has eaten breakfast. I even made the bed today. I am stopping myself from crawling back in. I played some Pac Man; it’s been bothering me since seeing in at the Day Job. I counted up my savings, $625.00 since Indiana Gone’s Wedding. How I climbed in the shower this morning, is a miracle, besides being sore and my ear still hurting. Now I find myself talking to you. My whole point is with my motivations I need something to drive me, well, after NaNoWriMo. It’s not going to be Christmas, but staying on the cusp of survival or counting my sins, isn’t helping.

Life, Willing Cause For Occasion.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 358 ~Make It Worth Fighting For~

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It’s my father’s birthday today, the man did threaten a teacher for me once before, went off on a judge too, but all Masters protect their slaves, my life is valuable to those that can use me, so I never fight for myself. “Make It Worth Fighting For”

Monday, June 24, 2019

Episode 358 ~Make It Worth Fighting For~

Ninetieth Rule Madam Justice

I AM a Millionaire right now; money is worth fighting for Madam Justice. Every day I sound more and more like a Republican, how’s that for thinking positive. What about when I fought to do that story with my adopted Big Sister? Hell, does that mean my words are worth the struggle? I am helping my son get well and sitting on this loveseat the past few hours. What about not quitting my Day Job today or breaths coming in and out of my body.

The fact that I have The Alamo Fund or did proves this life isn’t worth shit (LANGUAGE). I know I must remain positive, but with my age, that’s a lot to surmount. If anything, I want to break out into a rousing addition of a “Girl Worth Fighting For.” Thanks to Disney but I can’t do this because of a girl. To me, it’s like rehab, you know, your family, your friends, your fuck buddies (CAREFUL). The truth is that if you don’t help yourself first; if you treat your life as expendable. How can you be expected to help anybody else or make amends? Like with my Six Impossible Things, if I can’t be a man, how can I be a father for my son? My motivations say that your WHY can’t be because of you. Another adds you must feel your cup up first to thrive at all.

Trickle Down theory, but I give so much I treat others before myself. It’s like I don’t deserve anything, like wanting to die so I won’t be in the way. Hell, it would beat today, how humiliated I was at work. Could you imagine my life if I fought as hard for me as I fight for others? B III had me on the phone, ready to punch-out the Vet, beating back sleep. I defied my Olds because I wanted to write. Still, when it comes to my right to exist? Will Smith says if you’re not helping you’re wasting your time. Again others say give to yourself first. So if I were to choose today, fuck everybody else (COME ON REALLY) I want what’s mine. The good news is I have some time to think about it at least. Then we’ll see what happens won’t we dear Madam Justice.

I’m not June; I’m getting out of Gilead. My life, Make It Worth Fighting For

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 353 ~Will Of It All~

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“What are you thinking” are scary words these days but I’m still keeping my mouth shut at work because if I didn’t, hell it would be worst than my Pinterest titles and those are making my head hurt. “Will Of It All”

Wednesday, June 19, 2019

Episode 353 ~Will Of It All~

Forgive Me Echo,
I Am A Millionaire right now because I can afford a maid. Hell topless maids, a whole damn cleaning service (Language). I’m getting lazy about that too but another day. Didn’t I mention I haven’t talked to “Okay” in forever? One more woman I scared off but again some other time. While I’m busy committing crimes that most Republicans applaud, my head hurts. Do you know the saying, heavy the head that wears the crown? What about, the world on my shoulders? Did the angel and devil gain some weight these days?

Too many questions and since I broke NO FAP, both heads have been struggling. Again my three major sins so let’s start with LUST. Over eighty-five sections in one Pinterest board and the names are getting lame. How many dirty words can you rhyme with J or K I ask? Even if I come up with a good one, I lack the guts to write it down. I should go back to watching porn, so I believe. All the “allowances” I give myself; it’s not XVideos, Pornhub, and how I miss Motherless. Sigh and tonight is freebie night too. What I don’t miss is people but again LUST, GREED, and SLOTH. It hasn’t stopped me from imagining MILF Dos though. When’s the last time, I saw breasts “on purpose?” The world is knocking me down lower Inspector Echo without a doubt.

I don’t miss the Alamo Fund not being across from me. It’s sitting in the bank and how I want so much more money. My motivations, I have that money, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting everything. My GREED goes hand and hand with my LUST. What about my dreams of power? How my ANGER kicks in, and everything is saying stay positive? Okay B III is doing better and won’t require a vet but more meds. Tomorrow I find out how much I made at the Day Job. I haven’t worked on my novel today. There’s always food, but I’m a starving artist.

More so a sleepy one to be honest. My ANGER had me ready to attack the world. Only a Hot Pocket and an unmade bed, so SLOTH, I’m here now though, and there is so much to do Inspector. As always though I need to apologize for betraying myself. Weight Of It All Inspector Echo, Will Of It All.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 258 ~Blind Faith To Will~

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Do I still think I can see into the future, I wrote this Wednesday, and I saw this day going a lot better, only I wasn’t blind to some girl, I know what I need to do, and tomorrow sigh. Blind Faith To Will

Saturday, March 16, 2019

Episode 258 ~Blind Faith To Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars, today is Wednesday. I’m still STUCK on the idea that I will write a best seller. Now if I had the money this second, I know there is no way I would be going to work on Sunday. My problem is that I don’t see the money though. I see Inventory, insanity, and indignation. One of my motivations says that no one can hate you more than you hate yourself. Only nowadays I look, others don’t.

In a way I envy them. In some ways, a button is worse than a trigger. Do you recall when I was talking about Brainbuddy (which you should CANCEL Friday okay)? My deep confusion about what classifies as porn. Yep, I lied to those people “One? Yeah.” Giving up Fapping, sure. The porn, hell after doing the Morning Routine, it was right back to the Heartless Prince. After that Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest. Still, nobody can show me something more beautiful than women. Some people tell me to have faith in God. Blind faith and those same people were the ones that made me out to be a nerd or worse. So my eyes were too full of tears. I was busy getting up close and personal with a baseball bat, balled fist, and my blood in the dirt most days.

I saw this religious movie once called Apocalypse, and there was this guy Bronson Pearl. Now he wouldn’t listen to his girlfriend or some story. He dug up his father’s grave and only at that moment did he find faith. Faith Lady Luna is work. I was looking at myself, and for once it wasn’t my fucked up teeth (LANGUAGE). Nor was it my body; it was my bloodshot eyes from working.

Nevertheless, with my writing, I do not see the results and the day job sigh. I’d rather be dead instead. Now that sounds harsh, but it’s like everything in my world is, I don’t know. In one way it’s living in a museum, don’t touch that it’s priceless. Don’t think that, those people were savages. Stay behind the rope, the line, the people. Better yet don’t look ever.

Am I back in school before I had my glasses? Only I couldn’t see the board so of course, I failed. Math where I was expected to get it, but I never did. So I bought into lies, and now I’m an adult where there is no future in my job. Walmart fails ha, or my eyes are stuck on a screen, headphones always. Is that the game, you see too much or too little. However they say look up, and even the sun is blinding. Still, I know every shade of blue there is. I can’t close my eyes anymore, but why believe in myself, Blind Faith To Will.

I Will Have No Fear