Tag: Writing

Lesson 210 ~You’ll Fill Them Someday~

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I had a dream a week ago, and now that vision threatens to end the others, but things change; Thursday I had two siblings, and today it’s official I have three, a younger half-brother. “You’ll Fill Them Someday,” holes in my wallet and life

Saturday, January 27, 2018

Lesson 210 ~You’ll Fill Them Someday~

“In peace, nothing so becomes a man as modesty and humility, but when the blast of war blows in our ears, then imitate the action of the tiger, summon up the blood, disguise fair nature with rage and lend the eye a terrible aspect.” ― Kevin Costner, The Postman (1997)

Hey Lady Lu,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore because it seems to me that I have spent my life in a graveyard; my dreams have foreseen this, but I am still not a prophet but a gravedigger instead. These days I am filled with so much, I don’t know what and usually this would be the part of the story where I stop eating and just lay down and die, and yet I continue, and that begs the question what’s with the hole or holes?

I’ll fill them someday, with so many tears but what am I crying for, well not yet anyway I’m too tired to bawl, tired of being lied to, of being attacked, how about scared as much as I try to deny it, or just being tired. My father cheating on my mom, having another brother or sister, I could be valuable, and hours later the general manager is calling me “cancerous,” hating and needing my job at the same time, and spending days in bed. You know what pushed me out of bed today, it is rage pure and simple, for all that I wish that love could do, it’s hate that got me moving, and that’s sad I know.

Later on today I’m going to try and bury it down but hate is like a horde of zombies, they just won’t stop, and you learn to endure. My hate won’t disappear; how many words does it take to bury it, them, me, I write, I’ll fill another blank page with words and what will it accomplish; dare I dismiss the value of words? How I know their power and what I write today will be a form of necromancy, but again I give myself too much credit, dreams told me I would have troubles at work, and now I’m digging the hole even lower, and maybe that’s it, I’m alive in the grave maybe.

“That’s the trick of it, I think. We do what we need to do, and then, we get to live. But no matter what we find in DC, I know we’ll be okay. Because this is how we survive. We tell ourselves… that we are the walking dead.” Rick Grimes

A hole has one purpose Lady Luna, and that’s to know fullness, mouths with words, eyes with beauty, blank pages with the truth; I’m telling the truth today, and nobody will hear it, god this will make more holes than fill them up. How many times have I buried myself, I can see Heaven and yet I have not had my feet on solid ground in I don’t know how long. But I keep digging, standing on all my corpses, hoping one day that this holes I’ve created, I tell myself, You’ll Fill Them Someday.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 203 ~What’s A Death Sentence~

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What can’t we talk about and why can’t we talk about it, death, doom, pain, madness, and what does it matter who sees, because it’s my fingers on the keys, my words that are not understood by most. What’s A Death Sentence hmm

Saturday, January 20, 2018

Lesson 203 ~What’s A Death Sentence~

“we’re allowed to make a lot of mistakes in our lives, except the mistake that destroys us.”
― Paulo Coelho, from Veronika Decides to Die

Hey Lady Lu
I Am Not Afraid Anymore because to be afraid of itself is just action and this entire week sadly I have been a man of inaction for the most part. You see I stand as a man convicted of nothing more than memories and a promise and come tomorrow I will have fulfilled that promise and will probably write my death sentence.

What promise is that you ask “to not say one more word about…” anyway I have done so, I believe, but even that has now allowed me to live as I should which begs the question, what’s a death sentence. It might be like an unwritten rule and you know I’ve been into writing plenty which might be a problem when I made it out to be the solution, still trusting that writing might be my salvation. You know how I like zombies and how someone is working on a virus right now but you know something, that virus is fear, it is what makes us all The Walking Dead.

It is a prospect that twists in my guts and stops me from doing anything; it is the knife turning in my skull leaking all of the ideas but rendering me incapable of writing. It’s the voice in your head, the whispers, the screams, but most of all the guilt and judgment of those that would make themselves your doctors, your judges, and your God. My dear a death sentence is when you open your mouth to speak and what you hear from others is nothing but laughter as if your life is nothing more than the biggest joke in the world to them all.

“So this is how liberty dies, with thunderous applause.” ― Padmé, Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith

A death sentence is a truth you must bleed for; they say the truth shall set you free, and I would like to add “of the mortal coil.” Yes, a death sentence spells freedom for once you have accepted the fact that you will die, that you will lose everything, and who you are in every breath, what you feel is no longer shame, then there is no fear anymore.

Lady Luna, a death sentence can be as beautiful as a kiss, a moment gasping for air, every drop that leaves the body that represents life, you know what I mean, damn censorship, right? So what have I learned today, that I could be looking at my favorite mistake, indeed who knows, sadly I feel these conversations of ours are just continuing to repeat the question What’s A Death Sentence?

I Will Have No Fear

The AXEL Man Has Cometh

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I just wish I had a space bar I could hit, but this story kept my hands from doing this or anything else my hands might regret, but Axel and Aly are all about love and each other despite the past they can’t fight or kill but… The AXEL Man Has Cometh.

Tons of issues but I don’t mean that terribly for the most part… indeed that’s what makes “Axel” so relatable to people, but this hit me on a personal level. It’s not a title I would have sought out myself, more a right place, right moment sort of deal, much like the characters of Axel and Aly, surprised no one went to AA, ok that was a lame joke, but there are plenty of issues.

This novel covers all of the bases, anger, mental health, sex, religion, but in a more realistic way than a standard all you need is love campaign, though there is a sweet love story from the protagonists. It doesn’t make any particular group look bad; I mean religious people often don’t like to be portrayed negatively and given specific events that have been unfolding around sex and such as I said this book points them out for all to see. I wish that were all I saw because I can’t give this book five stars right off the bat, but I’ll explain that soon enough.

Axel is a coming of age story as well, the difference between strong children and broken men, going into more of the latter when it comes to the heroes. It’s the realism that’s the real crux of the story, and that should scare a lot of people in a way when you think about it, and you will be long after you finish reading. The ending is a bit rushed as if you can’t tell how this is going to end; don’t get me wrong it’s an original story but easy to predict mostly and the surprises appear out of left field talking about WTF.

If you don’t want to head further in just know that Bry Ann is a hell of a writer, and I would admittedly delve into her work; not right away but I’m glad I did. Also if you like to think you’re without any particular sin you probably won’t like it but Axel, Aly, alright.

The good news is I can’t automatically place it in one particular genre and while the concept is somewhat familiar other than The Twilight Zone or the nightly newscast I can’t compare it to anything. Most of the characters find themselves out while others just drift with the barest of motivations but every persona should want something, and this delivers.

Messed up boy, good girl with twisted history sounds about right, also throw in a bit of Thirteen Reasons Why (so I found a comparison), and you have the story. Axle has anger issues, gets into boxing, and mental problems notwithstanding he has every reason to be pissed at the world. Aly, the proper religious girl with her growing anger at events but she refuses to let them consume her. Also, she was lost throughout the book not that you can blame her. A couple that is just perfect together, and I could relate to Axel on a mental level and anybody else will, with the past that haunts him.

His parents are well thought out, two people who just want the best for their son, but Aly’s weren’t so much, then again does this book need even more anger, still in a right way. None of the villains were spectacular other than the; you had a sister, I want the girl, this is a perfect life, reminiscent of The Count of Monte Cristo, or how the enemy of my enemy friendship, Axel with Aly, Ryan with Brandon. Other characters seemed just to pop in and what I mean is maybe there should be sort of a drifting in rather than a teleportation if that makes any sense at all.

For a book with so many psychological aspects there is a character here, or there I would have liked to learn more about instead of just the appearance and the disappearance of her. No character is wasted though, and the evolution of the protagonists is well paced beginning to end.

I’ll try to keep any spoilers small, no promises but if you don’t wish to proceed, a solid four stars but barely because of one critical aspect. As for my insights well, I feel a type of way about this title as I do with any other work read but as for my own opinion?

More often than not I blame myself and not the author, I received a free copy for my honest review, but my Kindle has a habit of making things disappear so being a man of my word I purchased a copy from Amazon since I lost the file. Now that should show that I think this work is promising and enjoyable but then I ask, did the author or the editor not know how to use a spacebar? I would blame my Kindle, but with the novels, I’ve stocked. I have never seen this many words just smashed together. I would be ashamed to share it with a friend even with the satisfying storyline and for all its merits and if a hard copy shares the same faults, I *shiver*.

I could have done with some vivid and hardcore descriptions, not Bry Ann’s fault but I think I belong to a specific genre and when I get used to that “type” of writing you find yourself craving more. Namely for me the romance and lack thereof, Axel and Sarah, Aly and Axel, Sarah and Ryan, Aly and Brandon but that’s just me, and it is somewhat refreshing to see Aly stick to her morals. The ending though seen, just barreled on me so quickly, I have done worse in my writing, and for the back end of the book, everything was predictable except for the sister who was just, whoa.

Four stars for significant spacing errors and a bit of an unfinished backstory here and there, I’m almost sliding back to three, but the story is fantastic if you can hang in there. Too bad Santa didn’t bring me a punching bag for Christmas, with my issues and another finished book, punches just seem right, The AXEL Man Has Cometh.

Bed… It’s Not For Sleeping

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I never got bedtime stories and with how my parents were… well if I were getting ready to go to sleep this would honestly keep me up and for all the right reasons believe me. “Bed… It’s Not For Sleeping”

With “Brutal Bedtime Stories: A Supernatural Horror Story Collection” it’s for hiding underneath the covers, it’s for finding a playmate, and it’s for reading until the sun comes up because you won’t be getting any sleep. Is the book that scary or so good, I’ll give you a hint, it’s excellent, but of course, I’m all sorts of twisted indeed.

These are the types of stories I wish I knew at bedtime… who hurt you; that’s not the only past I see, these stories make me all nostalgic for The Twilight Zone because I could see any of these made into an episode without a doubt. It isn’t something that I honestly set out to find receiving a free copy, and so I wonder what Tobias Wade thinks about me, hell the question is how do I consider him and the other writers of this work. Do you have any more, that’s the question I kept thinking with every story, what else you got hmm, is it worse than this?

I mean that in the best possible way, going from story to story, saying this is my favorite, no this, maybe this and as far as my actual love and the best overall, I wish us all luck with this review. Now again, personally I wasn’t frightened, everything but that, I could say apprehensive about a story here or there, turned on, mad, twisted, even queasy at points but not scared. Brutal Bedtime Stories is a book for the person that imagines the world inside their head is Hell; it’s nice to know you aren’t alone in this universe thankfully.

Sometimes I look at my work, and it’s like, this is child’s play… can’t remember any killer dolls in these stories though, for the most part wholly original and relatable if you’re studying Psychopath 101. Hopefully, I’m not boring anyone so far and if I am, go ahead and read this title now with my blessing, it will keep your eyes open for some time.

Your bed is for wondering where the real monsters are, underneath it, hiding in the closet or inside you all along, that’s the problem too many monsters and not enough people to haunt; a problem for this book, just way too many good ideas perhaps?

We begin with David Maloney, and his first story should start with a warning that you’re about to be sucked into this universe, from the get-go I was hooked and impressed, wow. Excuse me for trying to narrow down my top picks but if I go author by author with his work it would be between “She Says the Smell of Death Turns Her On” and “The Blue-Eyed Painting.” Already you know which stories I’m into if you read my reviews often enough but his collection contained a few twisted happy endings as I recall.

Tobias Wade had some weird family stories, some I wanted to see continued into even more extended versions of themselves, while every story makes you think, you want to go deeper. His first entry “Hell is Heaven to the Demons” that would honestly be my sort of afterlife, and if it becomes a full-blown novel wow, just the idea of coming back reminds me some of the Shusaku, Isaku, Kisaku series if that makes sense.

With Ha-yong Glenn Bak we get some more family dynamics but also the businessman of the group seeing as how plenty of his stories are about making money. “Make Money or Die Trying” is his first entry but we also have “A Site Called “Cash For Confessions” and “An App Called “Time is Money” also murder seems to run in the family with his tales.

Last but not least we have Kyle Alexander, the only one to give a character his name and while “Teenagers” was the last story and the longest, I much preferred “Shooting Stars” in its simplicity, scary it resonated with me. Sci-Fi fans though will get a kick out of Teenagers, not saying it was terrible but somewhat anti-climatic though it bit surprising for the end.

Put all these stories together you have an incredible combination, and they say, no man stands alone, but any one of these given their book could win me over overall.

Five stars without a second thought, from beginning to end it was like a rollercoaster of madness and mayhem and what are beds meant for, to be tied up in, sexy or lunatics, I have to wonder did these guys meet in an asylum. I can’t promise “no spoilers” or no bad times but this book what else can I say about it just saying.

I’m no doctor, but David Maloney has some ideas about sex both good and bad, but most have the villain getting his so he knows right from wrong. Tobias was all madness and death, if you’re sick of zombies he’s the guy to call, he has a refreshing outlook on ghosts, but maybe he’s not the family man just saying. Along with David, Ha-yong Glenn Bak is the one I most related to, sex and money it has to be between those two, and no offense but Kyle was the weak link, or maybe he was the one chosen for the cooling off period, to a certain degree I think.

Sad to say but it might be all downhill after the first series with David Maloney, and I don’t mean that to sound wrong, but he was the most original with Ha-yong after “Make Money or Die Trying” you see where his stories go, maybe it’s right, sex sells. If there is anything to complain about, it could be that I didn’t exactly know how to read this book, front to back of course but the stories blended together and as soon as you start the next you already forget the other. It only took me seconds upon reading each title to recall, but as I’ve been trying to do this whole time if one story stands out well two, She Says the Smell of Death Turns Her On and Make Money or Die Trying.

If you’re squeamish or have never thought about killing the person next to you, maybe this won’t be your book of choice but if you’re human than feel free. Now if you’ll excuse me this has been my confession, and now I need to find me sort cute girl turned on by death because truthfully Bed… It’s Not For Sleeping.

Thinking Outside The Box, “SHIVER”

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Sometimes in the box is the best place a man can be but then we are all different, and apparently, this is a different read for me but a decent one to be sure. Thinking Outside The Box, “SHIVER” it might be scary for a whole other type of reason

NOTE: Excuse me for not reading categories, that’s how focused I am with books that I didn’t notice that “Shiver” was placed in the Gay & Lesbian Erotic genre on Amazon, if I can make any excuses, one I’m a book addict so getting another one was just another hit. Two, I’m also a guy, and anyone that knows how guys watch/read porn knows we always skip ahead for satisfaction.

Not that this book scared me, uncomfortable yeah when I realized what I was reading, but then I chose to keep turning the page and other than being weirded out; what I couldn’t help it, the story is pretty good. Now I’m going to do something the authoresses should have pointed out that this a male with male romance (probably would have guessed if I bought a paperback) and already I can feel you judging me, and I don’t want to sound like some of the media or religious bigot.

Let me just state for the record, ever since I’ve gotten into the erotic genre, specifically dark erotica, I’ve grown used to the covers of these alpha males that make women go gaga so if this was to serve as a warning to me, uh no. It also wouldn’t be the first gay “lust” story I have read, I’ve read works from Kit Rocha but of course, most of those are straight, and the male/male scenes are quickly made up for in my eyes. Lastly I have no problem with the LGBTQ, but I don’t watch gay porn for a reason because I was born straight, but anyway regarding “Shiver.”

Yes, I was thinking outside the box, seeing how the other… I don’t know, give me a percentage lives, and it turns out the rich guy going after the small time boy/girl still applies, nothing different there. The two main characters Salvatore Wolfe and Jesse Clark, I can’t say I identified with either one, but they fit the bill of this shared passion though I think either the authoresses said this wasn’t a romance or a love story. What got me were the parts inside The Wolfe’s Den and when they talked about the background of this obsession with Jesse, personally though I couldn’t help but draw a parallel between this and The Rocky Horror Picture Show, to be honest.

I’ve read some pretty whacked out stuff having to do with obsession, stalking and the like which is what made the ending all the more engaging, but would I read a sequel? Anyway, I bring up The Rocky Horror Picture Show because for the day and age that was made and it made gay people look, well strange and seeing how most of the stuff I read has that reconciliation of the madness, Shiver well…

Okay so stop me if you know this routine, rich guy Wolfe, sees new graduate Jesse and is bitten by the love bug. I’m sorry it’s Salvatore that does the biting in this, romance blah, climax blah, will they won’t they, not that I was bored just busy, which explains how long it took me to read this. I could have stood to hear plenty more about Salvatore’s right-hand girl Trinity, and Brayden, who knew you could get me to root for the athlete best friend, new horizons to see.

The BDSM aspects were on point, I’ve read plenty about alpha vs. beta males, and Jesse played the beta for as long as he could until the eventual climax, falling out that always accompanies these stories. I can say the same for Wolfe minus the madness, his backstory was typical, but it does leave you with questions which kept me wanting to know how he accumulated his power though I can make a guess. What about the erotic scenes, let’s just say that these books usually are porn for women, being a guy after reading this I appreciated women in all sorts of ways yeah.

For those who needed another villain, that man would be King, see ladies, men are idiots whether guys are gay or straight and the scenes between him and Wolfe were all about establishing Wolfe’s masculinity. Trinity served as the voice of reason though her part was small, though she couldn’t stop either Wolfe nor Jesse and it might be pretty cool to see things from her perspective, hers and Brayden’s, am I trying to find a straight romance here? The convenient timing of the sister finding Jesse though; I like to think of myself as an author and have probably done the same thing in my work, but it doesn’t make it any less out of the blue or semi-lazy.

Parts that made me think were when Jesse wasn’t; I’ve heard of people dying like that and again makes me go into that whole this is a weird scenario, like my fetishes, are different. Other than the kink that almost ended the book prematurely and my initial shock and surprise, “Shiver” kept a steady pace, a decent addition to this genre if I say so.

Now if you don’t want any spoilers I give it three stars, and you can stop here because there might be some. Is there anything that this book could have done differently, again who am I to judge being so new to this type of novel and trying to be as fair, if I may.

It was a different kind of dark given Wolfe’s stalkerish tendencies, but I’ve seen worse that have ended better, not that I can say I was rooting for any ending either way… was I that caught up? I still wanted to know so much more about The Wolfe Den, the book covers the different levels of course, but I found it all fascinating and lacking any personal experience this is a great place to start. I saw Jesse and Brayden’s relationship somewhat pleasant; truth be told I don’t see many heterosexual relationships amongst men that don’t include, sports, violence, or women but two guys just hanging out together at home.

As for the three stars, I just can’t help but feel like I let myself be readily convinced, yes I’m a Kindle reader, but when I saw this book from my erotica reading group, I figured what could it hurt and just shock and not my cup of tea. Erotic Asphyxiation I know some people that like choking or other forms of breath play, but it seems to me this was just used to give Wolfe yet another type of darkness when the hunting of Jesse in the woods was enough. With the ending, they chose I’m not sure, again most books might give you a heads up, but with this title, I don’t know whether I’m impressed maybe or whether the authoresses are trying to say something else with this, not a love story.

I will have to keep an eye out for Ella Frank and Brooke Blaine, can’t say I’m in any rush to get my hands on another book of theirs but don’t let me dissuade, ladies it’s a good read, gentlemen unless you swing that way, seek life elsewhere. Three Stars and I think I’m going to find a box because Thinking Outside The Box, “SHIVER.”

Lesson 161 ~Hurry Up And Wait~

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What are you waiting, she’s not coming to me anytime soon, neither are millions upon millions of dollars or a legion of adoring fans for a book signing as of late. Hurry Up And Wait, NaNoWriMo was last month, and I think I’ve relaxed enough

Saturday, December 9, 2017

Lesson 161 ~Hurry Up And Wait~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, age is nothing but a number but that number is getting bigger and bigger, and you know some people say to think of it as leveling up but what happens when you level up in a video game? How many times have I just wanted this game to end, not that I’m retaking the suicidal route contrary to popular opinion, hell as if that view is worried about me honestly?

Take a few days ago, my general manager is concerned about me, how I felt like I was right back in school; “It’s Times Like These” I find out how rational a person I am. You see he’s more worried about himself and the rest than my mental health, getting over whatever possible affliction I have going on at the moment. You know me, Luna, I have a million excuses, which again shows why I’m so late talking to you another time, today should have been better considering no work.

That’s what I have to get over, work and that means I should be writing more but instead what have I been doing, what’s today’s excuse… Blue Balls. If anything that is what I’ve been waiting for the longest; to take a page from The Matrix Reloaded vis-à-vis love and of course there is still an opinion, my parents, family, dog, friends, etc. Now, of course, you probably think I’m talking about the love of a woman in a happily ever after sort of way but what comes to mind at this particular moment is loving myself. No, I don’t mean the thirty plus minutes I spent in bed thinking about getting an ice pack for my junk for relief.

Hurry up and wait has only been another excuse, leave that to others but not for me, if you want a car you don’t wait for someone to give you one, you get off your ass and work. You want to eat, it’s the same thing, what about being an aspiring novelist and what about falling in love? No, my dear Luna, this is just a reminder that I have to get up and work and stop thinking about tomorrow, there is no tomorrow, live like there’s no tomorrow, oh yeah that has to be a rule without a doubt.

What I have learned today is even if I can’t keep my head up out there… not yet, I shouldn’t have it down here, just looking at my dick, waiting for a release that I can’t give, no more, I won’t Hurry Up and Wait.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 154 ~Where’s The Next Mountain~

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How do you make a mountain out of a molehill, the same way you write any book with just one word, one true sentence as Ernest Hemingway put it about something I think I know, and then I know nothing, so the question becomes… Where’s The Next Mountain

Saturday, December 2, 2017

Lesson 154 ~Where’s The Next Mountain~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, but those that I’m waiting to create, can I not bask in victory for a few moments, the climb was ugly, brutal, and to be honest the view isn’t much, but the fact is I did it right? So what next, when I’m not planning my next waste of time, I’m bust playing catch-up, and that’s not going to well either, as I continue to play the gay best friend to several lonely women apparently.

If anything I should just swear off women, what’s it been about twelve days and while I have given up one vice yet again, I’ve bumped into three women, I swear my phone is a curse. Excuse me for sharing this with you and not Lady Sophia, my writing was supposed to bring freedom was it not and instead, my rules have been getting some attention as of late. Even now this one married woman wants to talk while her husband chases a squirrel and no I’m not planning on going down that road again.

The day job continues to as Negan would say “Suck Ass” and something stupid might come of it sooner rather than later, but I just repeat to myself “I need this job” and of course there is a mountain I am nowhere prepared for if I lose it. As far as other jobs, email has become one, another I don’t get paid for, not to mention friendship which explains me being so late talking to you, and what it’s not that late there is just so much to do. It could be worse, the holidays and yes I have to do some shopping myself but how I miss my solitude, is that why I chose the NaNoWriMo mountain, good excuse.

What better way to ignore everyone than creation, you know I’m not a man of faith but do you think God has his regrets with his loneliness to create humanity and then he watches such madness take hold and is left trying to fix it possibly? I made myself a world, and in January I will be asked to flush out that world to make it, I don’t know something that will never truly be seen by anyone I bet.

So what have we learned today other than I’m sitting on the mountain and by the time I get to the molehill it will be another mountain, what to call it Where’s The Next Mountain?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 149 ~Anger Is Better That Despair~

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All I know is I rather not be the victim, and I don’t believe that all anger is necessarily bad, or at least that’s what everyone attempts to convince themselves of, and it seems like such an angry world and why not Anger Is Better That Despair.

Monday, November 27, 2017

Lesson 149 ~Anger Is Better That Despair~

Eighth Rule Madam Justice,
No Fear, indeed for everything that I do out of fear, anger… perhaps it’s what makes me the most foolish, but I could live with nearly anything else but despair. When I first began writing again it was out of despair but what makes me keep writing is this great fire, and somedays I don’t care what stokes it honestly.

Despair would have set in if I quit my job today, anger is what got me back to the real work and the somewhat asinine hope that someday I will be rich enough, ready enough, real enough to end the humiliation, degradation, and possibly the perversion of my soul. Now, what is it I said about stoking the fire, trust me if I was only as angry as I was today, instead of being as horny as everything, even my own filthy little sex romp of a novel isn’t a substitute for actual porn. Shouldn’t that make me angry, I am my own worst enemy most days which just makes everything else set me off so damn easy, but shouldn’t we all be angry with everything in the world today.

There is a poem somewhere about how the world will meet its end in fire or ice and don’t count me as any true interpreter Madam Justice but shall we drown in boiling seas of blood, or freezing lakes of our tears since we are doing nothing. Anger at least makes you take action even if that action is the dumbest thing in your whole life, what has despair ever gotten me. A hangover from sleeping pills or vomiting my guts out for a few days, anger can make you must industrious, how many industries do some build on it.

People talk about self-defense, but somebody breaks into your house, there will be fear and anger, righteous or not doesn’t make any difference does it. Liquor feeds off both anger and despair which is why I don’t usually partake, no benefit honestly, as if something out of Furi Kuri/Fooly Cooly/FLCL as Mamimi says “I’ll overflow.”

Perhaps that is the lesson, I rather hurt others than hurt myself, or at least that’s why it is a rule as I am usually falling into depression. Does that make me a bad person; well, I haven’t killed anybody, my hands are clean, but Anger Is Better That Despair.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 147 ~Make Me Wanna Cry~

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What makes you cry, if anything I’m supposed to be a man, but this isn’t the diary of a tired black man, that was a good movie by the way, but I haven’t anytime as you could see me passing out in the wee hours of the morning. “Make Me Wanna Cry”

Saturday, November 25, 2017

Lesson 147 ~Make Me Wanna Cry~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, I won’t, at least not yet anyway, not if I can get a decent night’s rest but fat chance of that happening I mean what time is it now? I haven’t dreamed a nightmare for quite some time to be sure, and the sweetest dreams aren’t coming, or I’m working on them nowadays for real.

That’s another way to stop the tears, lots and lots of work, been sweating bullets as of late with this NaNoWriMo deadline and it’s starting to be crunch time. Speaking of crunch, yet one more way I’m not bursting into tears; how many times have we talked about my anger issues getting the best of me? Anger is becoming somewhat of a finite resource about don’t I have plenty to be, angry about, including even you keeping me up still.

The work, blood and soft minus the tears, why isn’t 2200 words enough or the fact that I know that it’s all my fault, not just a little bit but almost the entire time become I’m busy fighting one more bit of liquid. On that note, it’s been maybe one more week, for all the successes that I can see coming… did I just say that, anyway for all the good that’s coming I live in a constant state of waiting for the other shoe to drop? Other than myself I’m letting you down which explains this is coming a day late and have I found the line; it was 3:00 AM when I just gave up talking to you and decided to do this on Sunday but better late than never some say often.

Talk about sayings I hate because the last thing I need is more excuses, on a positive note, things should be getting back to normal soon enough which means I’ll be broke again if my hours and my paycheck have anything to say about it. I’m not crying though, too tired to cry, today was supposed to be a five thousand words day, and I have barely cleared 2,400 when it comes to the novel, but I bought Grammarly today.

So what have we learned over the past two days other than the fact that I’m finally taking my writing seriously… yeah hello, I should be working on you more ain’t that right and the blog in general. The point is we know tears never solve anything, so make secretions but life at this moment *sigh* Make Me Wanna Cry.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 142 ~Stop Crying Your Heart Out~

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Maybe if I was left with a few beers, sometimes as the song goes I wish it would rain, could I maybe go work out in the gym, how about having some woman in my bed, anything to stop talking about my feelings “Stop Crying Your Heart Out”

Monday, November 20, 2017

Lesson 142 ~Stop Crying Your Heart Out~

Seventh Rule Madam Justice,
No Fear, but complaints, tears, frustrations, worries, and who am kidding there is fear, there is always fear, but the trick is that nobody is supposed to know it if anything that is not what a man is. As if I know what being a real man is right but on the other hand, there are plenty of days I don’t think I even have a heart at all really.

I get accused of a lot of wearing my heart on my sleeve and even today I could find plenty to cry about, how hard work was today (my boss said I look like Spike Lee) plus I’m just so tired, how this week is going to suck overall, or how about why I’m even bothering with NaNoWriMo. What about the situation I found myself in so many months ago; no question I wasn’t being a gentleman back then and I think I read somewhere that a gentleman must keep these feelings to himself. It hasn’t just been words either which has been ugly enough I think, but then again can I count my heart amongst some of those ha.

You don’t know how many times I wish I could just break down and cry or to actually pray for a miracle, should I start envying my dog and maybe I understand why some men make themselves out to be gods. Could you imagine God crying about something and you know this will lead to a Jesus discussion so let’s just drop it right now? That’s the thing though I should just drop it, drop everything that makes me, myself I guess and instead of crying, drown my sorrows, fake it till I make it, or whatever else people say.

So am I expected to lie forever… if other people can do it, and at least it would be something because you know I’m too quiet anyways isn’t that right. The thing is crying never solves anything now does is Madam Justice, I think even you would think less of me but truth be told can people’s opinion of me get any lower… still complaining?

I again find myself apologizing for just being me for I am truly guilty but it could be worse, it nearly has been worse but at the end of the day, I’m still alive so Stop Crying Your Heart Out.

I Will Have No Fear