Tag: Day Job

Log 035 ~Nothing To Prove To Anybody~

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The lives we live or survive, some people have wealth, others have scars, some have only an inch of air in front of their face, and that in itself can be too much, why are they so deserving, am I? Nothing To Prove To Anybody.

Monday, August 5, 2019

Log 035 ~Nothing To Prove To Anybody~

Ninety-Sixth Rule Madam Justice

I AM a Millionaire right now, but you don’t have to believe that. How about the fact that I respect women? Sure doesn’t look that way right? What about that I do my best at the Day Job? The idea that I love my firstborn more than anything? Of course, the big one these days would be that I’m an innocent man. It’s 4 AM, and you know the reason I’m up. For the record, I did get about six hours of sleep, and I still haven’t checked Facebook yet.

Speaking of which, when I do post some political discord there, it’s what I believe. I’m not trying to prove I’m a Dem, Liberal, or anything, only that this is what I know. Hell like Jon Snow everyone says I know nothing, but he was just himself. The problem is he didn’t know who that was most of the time. I should stop comparing myself to him, though. As always I avoid the man in the mirror too. Yesterday though I had to shave and I saw all the grey hairs; how did I get so old not living? Even now it’s like I need permission to exist. I need to prove I have the right to such a thing. My Six Impossible Things list, I have to prove I’m a good father, a man, I get apps to try and hold myself accountable Justice.

What about September, am I going to make it to Nevada. $200.00 for a number I never use, how much do I spend on Brainbuddy, and I was checking out some Cosplayer. If anything I’m proving fear runs my life and I get that for free. Let’s not forget the other $250 for my book and even more for a cover. What about all the motivational speakers I listen to or the time spent lost in music wanting to feel brave. Don’t be brave, have a little common sense as one song goes. All this effort for people that don’t give a damn and hell I don’t either. That is until something hurts them like the hack job. Again being a dominant and a sadist I get turned on by pain but only that which I control. Pain proves we’re still alive, so why don’t I embrace all of it in my life Madam Justice.

The answer is still this, Nothing To Prove To Anybody.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 028 ~Always Be Prepared For War~

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Last week I talked about people giving orders, but I once heard in a game “a man chooses, a slave obeys” I never chose to be this way, no I was a slave of my looks, my words, my desires things that make me want to fight. Always Be Prepared For War ha

Monday, July 29, 2019

Log 028 ~Always Be Prepared For War~

Ninety-Fifth Rule Madam Justice

I AM a Millionaire right now, but I am not ready for power. Like today Madam Justice I was not prepared for war. Every day I gird myself for disappointment. I know that my days at the Day Job will bring about more humiliation. Last week was nothing but one fuck-up (LANGUAGE) after another worried about this week. In the morning, I tell myself I’ll wake up early to read, and then I cut my alarm off. I want to fight temptation, and then I have horrific FTWD fantasies. Worst thought I was not down for the cause, again ready for wickedness, winning, for war.

So what brought this on, my C-3PO feelings of being helpless. How do you even define helpless? “Unable to defend oneself or to act without help.” There’s “Uncontrollable,” I think that about covers it Madam Justice. No positive vibes today but I still no better than to wish harm. However, I couldn’t stop three girls from laughing at me. My General Manager continues to treat me like I’m retarded. The usual manager is useless and treats me as a child. Haven’t I mentioned he’s pretty touchy-feely? Weak, Pathetic, Useless, I’m going against all my motivations right now. If it wasn’t that, it was fucking anger (LANGUAGE) today, I wanted to fight no doubt. I tried to march into the GM’s office all day. “Look I’m leaving, I’m not some fucking retard, and not some damn virus” (YES AGAIN). It was like being back in school with both teams saying you take him he’s not wanted.

Is that why I’m taking what’s going on in my country so personally. From metal to a man that controls it, Magneto; I know what it’s like to be shit on for everything (MORE). It’s because you’re black, skinny, fucked up teeth, you wear the same clothes. I know what it’s like to wear a FUBU shirt (youth) and be sitting by yourself the very next day. I see how easy people have it, the laws. Still, because there is work to do people like me are considered ungrateful. Rule 13 states Power Is All That Matters. Like Markus in DBH, (still a great game) if people want to crack jokes and tear me down okay. Use their stones for fortresses, the pen and keyboard are my swords. Hellfire is how my armor’s forged;, they instilled it in the flesh. Always Be Prepared For War.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 021 ~Give Orders You Would Follow~

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Camp NaNoWriMo, well general NaNoWriMo says 50,000 words, so I get it done, Brainbuddy suggest a podcast, and I listen to a bit, and of course, B III demands his morning stroll, when will someone follow me. Give Orders You Would Follow

Monday, July 22, 2019

Log 021 ~Give Orders You Would Follow~

Ninety-Fourth Rule Madam Justice

I AM a Millionaire right now, and you can be too. Yeah, I sound like one of my many motivations, Eric Thomas, Tom Bilyeu, Ray Lewis, etc. A better way of saying today’s rule might be Practice What You Preach. Yesterday, for example, I told myself I was going to finish my story, and I did so. Because Camp NaNoWriMo says, you can write 50,000 words in 30 days I finished. Even this morning, while I was on Brainbuddy for once. I read about this podcast, Porn Free Radio #185 How Successful Guys Overcome Edging.

My point is Madam Justice is I want to be a leader. You can’t lead, though unless you know what it means to follow. In my experience, I have known too many corrupt leaders. I always speak about the men that I admire. In these past days, I can add many more women. Don’t look at me like that, I respect women despite my BDSM teachings and dirty talk. Hell in my novel, the head honcho was a woman, the Mistress Director, and she’s a female I despise. Sadly though the leaders I’m surrounded by either make me laugh or make my blood boil. There’s the General Manager at the Day Job, A&W, my “father,” more. I want to be the best leader I can be for those who would follow. I’m a traditionalist, and I believe that a man, a husband, a father must lead his family, you know.

Any true leader of men, a commander, a general, a king, must be willing to die for those he leads. You know I’m not afraid to die, I’m scared to look STUPID. Madam Justice that remains my trigger. The fear that those under my charge will know failure because of my direction. They will know dejection, destruction, and death, and I will not do that to anyone. Strangely enough, my leaders lead me to such things. Brainbuddy is one of the few things that drive me towards being a better person. Rather than hating myself. If you give orders that should be the goal, for betterment. Soldiers will die to protect their families, their country. A submissive and dominant are both set free with their power. My son is happy because he knows I defend him, rethink the leash dynamic.

“Higher, Faster, Further baby” didn’t I say I respect women; Give Orders You Would Follow.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 014 ~Live Or Die, Your Choice~

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Get busy living or well you know the alternative right and by now I should have a Master’s in ditch digging, though I truly wish I could be as smart as Jigsaw or even The Origami Killer, it’s more acceptable than my writing. Live Or Die, Your Choice.

Monday, July 15, 2019

Log 014 ~Live Or Die, Your Choice~

Ninety-Third Rule Madam Justice

I AM a Millionaire right now writing something else for my network. As always I dream of Pure Taboo, Fetish Network. The Passion Network, SBJ, TTB, Teen Starlet, and Honey-Cream.com. Don’t mind me and my list though, if I were Arya Stark, it would be more acceptable. Madam Justice that is my point today, the things that make us feel alive. People often look at the moments before death or fighting to stay alive. I’ll admit those work for me as well. Even more so if we’re talking about B III’s life, protecting him always.

It’s too damn easy to talk about the things that Make Me Wanna Die as the song goes. The day job, for example, you think that would be incentive enough to work harder. There are reasons I don’t visit my Olds. Know I rather die than feel STUPID. Even in my novel today. The Beast feared more for others than he does himself, and he knows he deserves death. What about the world as a whole? People live in fear, terror, and hate. We are told to be slaves and to accept it as the will of God. Some choose to die in all manners rather than take the life they were given or even picked. That’s my weakness, The Weapon Of Choice. No, it is in its failure or the fear of such. I still feel the guilt of my crimes, the things even today I continue to commit.

Now when it comes to my writing though Madam Justice, sometimes it’s not even a choice these days. Writings ownership, obligation, and okay. Almost every day, I mention Dennis Hof. He faced accusations of exploiting young women at his Ranches. You know Jimmy Stephens who does what thousands of photographers do. Only his models wear fewer clothes. There are others of course in various methods. I watch Trump, his attempts to destroy for women, and from his people, there is nothing but applause. People are fighting for the right to live to exist and what about me Madam Justice. I struggle to write the words Humping Happens Hannah. There is also Exercising Eager Elizabeth, and Satisfying Sinners Sophia, “wholly” original. I write books that will never see the light of day; I don’t ever live.

I talked about running before, how I hide under layers, I only leave if necessary. I go to the movies, more darkness. Who chooses, can’t I be human and beast; Live Or Die, Your Choice.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 295 ~Until You Know, Keep Asking~

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I know a little bit about many things and while no one is a fool for asking when did silence suddenly come to mean “retardation,” and so I’m not talking to those people anymore but instead speaking to the Universe. “Until You Know, Keep Asking”

Monday, April 22, 2019

Episode 295 ~Until You Know, Keep Asking~

Eighty-First Rule Madam Justice

I AM a Millionaire right now. I’ve stopped asking how and started believing in now. So when’s the last time I listened to any of my motivations. Well okay other than the one about money. Only I will keep doing that along with tempting the UNIVERSE, every day Madam Justice.

The thing is, I’m tired of looking; well you know the word. Yes, that happens mostly at the Day Job which is why I sing, and I don’t care who hears. I know now I’m alive and I’m not going to ask permission to do so. Still strangely enough singing is having a positive effect. However, I don’t take shifts where I have to ask questions. I don’t ask to move from one location to the next. I’m living this life with the belief that I know what I’m doing from now on. In truth who has any idea? Of course, this leads me back to those people that don’t know. Then I do ask the question of when am I going to tell them to keep their hands off me. I swear one day.

If I’m looking forward to any day, then it has to be when I get a decision from Cherry. You remember when I dared to ask MILF Dos about modeling for me. Shocker, I never thought it to be possible she would say yes. I got “Okay” to take off her clothes, and that didn’t take anything but what, my charming personality. I’ve been asking her ever since though and ain’t that a story Madam Justice. Cherry though, I’ve mapped out the photo shoot. Even gave it a name “Cherry Pickin.’” Nevertheless, I ask and continue to do so because I got to know. Funny know and no, and I’m hoping for the former always.

You see it doesn’t make anyone stupid to ask. What hurts the most is when everyone expects you to, it’s like that Twilight Zone Episode The Path. For the longest time, I’ve been asking questions about things I know. I read somewhere that nobody gives you the education to overthrow them. Only some people overestimate my desires for their position in this life. Again you know what I want in life. The Universe and I have never been close, but I’m learning to trust it. Just does that mean losing faith in people as well? Until You Know, Keep Asking.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 292 ~William And Mr. Saku~

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I told my father that I have a few different personalities, none of them would ever benefit him ever, a common enemy and all, so it is with my characters, a plethora of pornographic passions or people I hope I never see again. William And Mr. Saku

Friday, April 19, 2019

Episode 292 ~William And Mr. Saku~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Millionaire right now. A Chinese feast and I’m adding this to the list. An orgy with a plethora of Asian girls; relax. My story is getting pretty bad with my sexual fantasies, enough so that I needed to class it up somewhere. I mean “William?” You would think I have all the motivation I would ever need. I didn’t let the Day Job take this off day, so I should have done five thousand words. Only I was up in more ways than one.

Wake up at 4 AM try going to bed then. I was fighting between three stories, one being Hot Juicy Teacher a.k.a. Onna Kyoushi from last night. What can I say I’m a sucker for a good story? Okay, a blue/purple haired girl with amazing breasts. I am ashamed of that picture though. I usually don’t post things like that, not anymore but hell I made two gifs of Honoka Toudou so far, and I want to make more. Beautiful women bring out my inner artist. How many images did I cut from the MILF and her breasts? Of course, there’s the other MILF and a file of the Cosplayer. Worse though is the wrath of a writer you know. To this day Lady Sophia, do you remember why I got back to writing, just another girl? I made her the main villain in one of the novels. Another is witch jealous of her daughter. There is one more, an emo blogger, mother, and journalist.

Now you will have to excuse me, but I’m going to have to get a bit of work done. At the very least get to bed at a decent hour tonight. The first thing, organizing the five main characters that I have narrating the tale.

For Title In Progress:
0000 Will 12500 Will 25000 Will
2500 Alison 15000 Ember 27500 Wilcox
5000 Wilcox 17500 Wilcox 30000 Alison
7500 Ember 20000 Alison
10000 Genevieve 22500 Ember

First, off I see I miscounted this morning, counting my chickens before they hatch as it were. The power of “The Secret,” treating everything I want as though I possess it. Still like Forrest Gump said since I’ve come this far what about the chapters?

20000 Alison “Closed, Clothed, And We’re Coming”
22500 Ember “Break Her And Bought It”
25000 Will “Who Is The Perverted Proprietor”
27500 Wilcox “Bedtime Damsel Without Her Dress
30000 Alison “Sale On Sluts He’s Mine

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 288 ~You Only Have Your Word~

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Allow me to look into the past this one time, I missed this Rule last week, but that’s what “Camp NaNoWriMo” does, let’s say I gave my word to write my novel and everything has fallen to the wayside. “You Only Have Your Word”

Monday, April 15, 2019

Episode 288 ~You Only Have Your Word~

Seventy-Ninth Rule Madam Justice

I AM a Millionaire right now; that’s something I may have forgotten. That’s topping the significant fact that I skipped Rule Seventy-Nine last week. From now on, I’ll start with my “Show Me The Money” playlist. Every day I’m working or taking B III out for walks. Now I could go into apology mode as I do with Inspector Echo. I’m sorry I forgot how PHENOMENAL I am, that no matter what I seem to do my rage won’t leave. I even asked the UNIVERSE for more Day Job shenanigans.

The Law Of Attraction, I can’t stop thinking about work. I believe that more of it is coming and low and behold what will I be doing? I gave my word didn’t I that I would stay in a positive state of mind, that I would only ask for good. I believe I am a man of my word Madam Justice. The only thing is by keeping my word of everything I want in my life who will I become. As the song goes, “I’m gonna trade this life for fortune and fame.” Only as my motivations say, you have to change how you speak to yourself, and that’s hard.

It would help if I was around people that deserved, excuse me, please, and thank you. Remember that bitch janitor, (LANGUAGE) who decided to have a gossip club where I was walking. So I said “Watch Out,” and she got mad and said, “how about this, excuse me.” No, the words are “Move Bitch, get out the way.” Only now the General Manager calls me out in the middle of everyone, and I think of my next words. What I have received from the Universe and as a child I thought $200 would be enough. Ha, I paid more than that to see the MILF’s tits (LANGUAGE). So again I gave my word last year that come September 2019 I would have a million in the bank. I do, I can’t spend it, can’t swim in it yet but it’s there. Madam Justice, I know.

My words aren’t always right. I don’t want to lie, but if anything I want my word to mean something. It’s a promise, my name, or the truth, whatever. Once I give my word Madam Justice, I will see it through. I will stand for it. Worth, Wrath, Wantonness, Will, You Only Have Your Word.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 285 ~Will Is Cloning Around~

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I love success, more than I like to sleep, though there is a part of me that wants nothing but a bed and by next month I’ll be in full recovery mode, with another first draft and as always, a million dollars. Will Is Cloning Around

Friday, April 12, 2019

Episode 285 ~Will Is Cloning Around~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars? Well at least for an hour and a half, sometimes less. (Thank You B III) I can believe, I have it sitting in the bank. I could if I published a book you think? Still, even in that, they all turn out the same Lady Sophia.

You know how I tend to put myself into every novel I write. Of course, talking to you and the girls will get the “real” man arrested at some point. Then thrown into a cold cell; I had to turn the A/C on today, again Triple B is happy in his way. Even something as small as this forces me to evolve to learn and grow. “In My Place” as it were; and from dreams to books, and of course “The Law Of Attraction.” I will one day find myself working out of a brothel. So today in my story, Dr. Ember Bridgette Morgan a.k.a. “Angie Griffin.” Also (The Blonde) a.k.a. Alison Angel will discover their bosses are clones of the Main Character. Like Shusaku, Isaku, Kisaku from the Hentai.

Hell, why am I even talking about porn today? Other than the stresses of the Day Job and I come back, attempting to be a better man. Is Chinese food fit right? Doing the Morning Routine, meditation, hypnosis, breathing exercises, rewriting the man I am. Every one of these teachings, some say to work hard. Others speak you have to believe and live as though you have everything you want. Then there’s the one that is going to stay up late, writing the story because I can’t fall behind again. My characters find themselves lost, as I am as of late. If only compared to my life? Yes leave me to wander around a book store looking at half-naked females, and I would be good.

As made as my reputation is at the Day Job. See I had to stop the name calling that was coming and think “One Million Dollars.” Anyway, how they see me at work is written in stone, and that’s exactly how I feel when I walk in. The question is, who in the world do I want to be in the end. So I know, it’s why I’m up so late because this is my life, I’m fighting for, running to, writing down. So don’t think Will Is Cloning Around.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 279 ~Make Me Smile, Will~

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Easy Street, that’s the perfect way to sum up my day, no day job shift, food in the fridge, and 2,600 words for my novel, and I’m not sleepy, as my motivations say, your purpose is the thing that stops time, so look at my face. “Make Me Smile, Will.”

Saturday, April 6, 2019

Episode 279 ~Make Me Smile, Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars, bottle up this feeling I’m having right now. Dare I call it HAPPINESS. I was listening to this Brainbuddy recording the other day. It was talking about dopamine “pleasure” knowing control in the body. Now I’m no doctor, and that’s okay. Still considering everything that flows in and out of people. The moment I got to work and realized I didn’t have to stay today, wow.

Felt better than any orgasm, and when leaving work makes me feel like this? Talk about 7 Minutes In Heaven, The Rapture, or The Divine Comedy. A spiritual experience, never known in the church. This morning I was struggling to throw all the best I could at the universe. I did my “Morning Routine,” got some fresh air with B III, did the Law of Attraction hypnosis. Now I didn’t fall asleep per se; I set my alarms just in case. After all that, I was still fighting my emotions. About my day job, my “father,” life in general, it was touch and go there with NO FAP. My stress level was going all over.

So like I’ve been doing every day, my dominant positive thought has been “I Have A Million Dollars.” That’s it “I AM Rich,” “My bank account is full,” “There is more than enough.” Fighting off the bad vibes. As for today, my work shift got canceled. I didn’t have to see my “father” at all. I even had enough to get myself a treat. So do I take this as the Universe responding to my wishes? I AM grateful for this day. Triple B is staying healthy, my million has arrived, and more is coming. I got a good night’s rest. Let the Universe hear me; it’s on my side isn’t that right Lady Luna.

Yesterday was hard, so of course, I needed to do some significant asking. Yes at the end of “some” days, the good outweighs the bad. Only I choose to believe that a genie is watching my back. Um, I still admire Will Smith. Is there anything else that makes me want to smile today. How I imagined my bedroom, my private shower, having my home theater. There was a guy today who even said my car must run pretty fast.

No time machine but like Terminator 2 Judgement Day I face the future with hope; Universe, Make Me Smile, Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 278 ~Need Willing Positive Vibes~

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Energy Flows Where Attention Goes, something I’ve heard this week. When I put myself into a “Happy” place I feel it and today; this goes against all my motivations, but people don’t want me happy. Need Willing Positive Vibes.

Friday, April 5, 2019

Episode 278 ~Need Willing Positive Vibes~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, non-lethal erasers. Now you’re not Inspector Echo, but I feel I owe myself an apology. For all the good I’m attempting, and it’s as if, well you know I repeat myself, a lot. I want to rewrite my life story, and people won’t let me so?

Well, take my new novel for example. Today I intend to reach Chapter Five “Sorry, She’s Out Of Stock…INGS.” Even though the words are pushing through. I know this journey will be worth it, positive vibes. Despite an almost midnight hour, Chapter Four “You Sale Me Something Good” was started. Writing does make me feel proud of myself when I don’t stop. I even see the story coming together, in its strange way. Now I thought I knew the definition between good writing and terrible. Lady Sophia I worked it out today, and I realized that I wasn’t even close.

Horrible writing is when I was sitting in the breakroom today having to write out my schedule. Talk about archaic but then literally posting it on the wall. One, because management is a bunch of liars. Two because I enjoy humiliation, and three, if not that, indifference. It’s writing and having to reword everything and Lady Sophia I am grateful. I am putting the method of “The Secret” into practice. Catching myself in some terrible thoughts and replacing them. You know I talk about honesty even in my fiction. Only nowadays I’m either lying to myself or like PORN; I give in. I’ll allow myself the horniness, or in the case of work, I accept the rage, madness, and stupidity.

Stupidity, the only thing that snapped me out of it today was the FEAR of what would happen next. All the vibes I was putting out there in the universe, and I’m sure I missed “something.” Still, the worry is working its way up and out of my life. Unlike the porn but as I’ve explained before; research. The scene with the schoolgirl and the guy in the bathroom. I could find it in two seconds, but I’ve avoided “adult entertainment” for the most part. Not Pinterest, Instagram, or a pretty girl’s Snapchat. How dare I forget my pornographic story as I’m so “relaxed.” I slept too long, my Brainbuddy routine, meditation music. I am getting ready for the writing that needs doing. A story I can rewrite Anytime, So I Need Willing Positive Vibes.

I Will Have No Fear