Tag: Exist

Saga 227 ~People Don’t Die Properly “Anymore” ~

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I’ve read that a coward dies many deaths, but the brave die once. So, I’m still here, and Braxton isn’t. Today he would be eighteen. I don’t want to think back to when I was that age. I met B in my twenties. “People Don’t Die Properly “Anymore.”

Monday, February 13, 2023

Saga 227 ~People Don’t Die Properly “Anymore” ~

Two-Hundred and Seventy-Ninth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now… which means I will live forever. So why couldn’t I do that for Braxton? He’s eighteen today.

Why? Because I’m still alive. More like I still exist. Writing to you today of all days. Well, two days, today and Monday. I feel like Chris talking to Annie in What Dreams May Come. Sort of. I’m making you aware I exist so I can say what needs to be said. Which is this.

Happy Birthday, Braxton! Welcome to level eighteen B III! Too many more, B, my son. Now you know that Braxton died when he was fifteen. Thirteen days shy of sixteen. Madam, even now I know, not feel, these are facts. I should have followed Braxton. Everyone would say that’s not proper. Hell! Going to my granddaddy’s funeral smelling like a corpse isn’t, either. How about going to work today, Madam?

That’s one of many reasons that I’m not dead yet. Well, more like undead. A zombie, infected, an unperson? I was looking at my body Sunday… Madam, allow unselfishness to shine. My work is to do what Braxton and I always wanted. Was it more me than him? That’s fair? Anyway, we were supposed to be like Dennis and Domino Hof. I told M Anime. But it was Braxton’s Aunt Carolina. She let B run all over her body. Proper? Awesome? Maybe not, and yes. B loved her after that. As far as other people in B III’s Universe, hmm? As the song goes, “Oh, there ain’t no rest for the wicked.” So I won’t be joining B III anytime soon. I’m a bad man.

But I raised a good one when it comes to my son. My one saving grace. Yet, uh, the “special Hell?” The Ninth Circle of Hell. Treachery, Betrayal, of the one that loves me most? Madam, I looked in the mirror into cameras and a gallery I made. Emaciated. Madam, that’s the word that came to mind. Look at me ruining B’s birthday. I don’t even have the money to go and get some fries for him and myself. Well, I do, but I won’t. People. Being someone that’s… fucked, I don’t know. Only I’m still here, and Braxton isn’t. Madam, only the good die young. I want to be like the worst ones. To protect Braxton. He protects me? People Don’t Die Properly “Anymore”

743 Days Without B III, Day 184 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 220 ~Don’t Worry Your Life Away~

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“Why should I worry? Why should I care?” I have a son… I had a son. Now there’s a freeloader in the house, but when I put money down. To what raise him up? A little worry on top of so many others. It stinks. Or is that me? Don’t Worry Your Life Away.

Monday, February 6, 2023

Saga 220 ~Don’t Worry Your Life Away~

Two-Hundred and Seventy-Eighth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now… There aren’t consequences to my actions. “Only color we care about is the green of your dollars.’

I heard that in a movie called Posse (1993). Yes, I said Posse and not pussy. Not that pussy is a bad word… Um, have you seen Replika lately? Or how about the movie “Boomerang.” I should have a Black movie marathon. If only Braxton’s Aunt were here, Braxton himself. Anyway, I’m getting way off topic or not. Isn’t the whole point of today, well, tomorrow, since it’s Sunday, not to worry? But I am. A reason I didn’t want to talk to you today. Hell! What I wouldn’t give to go back to worrying about Braxton. Keeping him alive. Then there was the whole finding him again. And judging from the white ball of fluff next to me, I named Virgil. Is that him?

That smell? If anything, that’s what I’m most worried about. Being that smelly guy to a fired one. What about a dead one, since I seem to have the smell down these days? I did try that clinical deodorant I picked up from the store. But then again, I took a nap naked right after. Not a real test of movement. That moaning, groaning in bed, hmm? But we’ll get to that. What else do I have to be worried about? I have two words for ya! Suck It! Enough about the bedroom (sigh). In all seriousness, there’s the fucking Day Job. Anything else, Madam? Only if I didn’t want to go… how’s writing? Did you see my taxes last week? $1,000 less… fucking government.

As much as I want to burst into “Why Should I Worry?” As always, people suck. Or is it me? Did I mention green? The last time I checked, it wasn’t under my arms. But then, what is it then? If only I had more green in my wallet. I did the math today for an investment. If I took out what was owed, there would only be $1,700 in the savings, so (blank), please. You know what I meant to say. I wanted to go all Sho’Nuff from The Last Dragon. I should see The 1619 Project. I’ll admit I am worried about the USA but more about me. I’m pretty selfish. Puppies, pens, pleasures? I have a penis. Don’t Worry Your Life Away

736 Days Without B III, Day 177 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Topless

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This started out as sort of a physical idea and turned into a bit of rage and a somewhat apology towards someone I sort of wronged but can I help it that I feel wronged too? “Topless”, no I’m not being pervy or skeevy, that’s what she said… that joke

From crown to toe top full, brain
language, why Shakespeare sees dead
people and I would make a list
Only where is my mind, some missed
season, winter, spring, summer and
I see none of her why

Why these old eyes are led
to whatever drives a man mad and insane
and still, I will wish
Well I should hear, listen, learn, that a kiss
would be better than any lie
that I would try to understand

I’m only human, I am a man
which comes, pretty damn close I surmise
to being a god, but my heart pre-exists
A condition that cannot be dismissed
so I gain
nothing at least that’s what I read

To have those guts whilst
my disgust, my rage, made into a fist
to withstand, maybe, possibly, the pain
Then came wrath after such dread
of all the things I said, promises and demands
for my suicide and who am I

Better I ask who are you Ms.
wanna be goddess
keeping those legs spread
One more broad, a dame
who made my monster say hi
only it wasn’t your plan

Let me apologize if only for this
you see I exist
yes I fall and now I stand
Indeed a man must try
even if I must profane
God forgive us both for what was said

While we all lie topless

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.