Log 009 ~Following Weirdos, Women, Willies~

For today I’m running from my writing though I have two thousand words down and I’m still a few days ahead of Camp NaNoWriMo, but I’ve wasted so much of my life, and B III should have better. Following Weirdos, Women, Willies

Wednesday, July 10, 2019

Log 009 ~Following Weirdos, Women, Willies~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM A Millionaire right now, and anybody that earns it doesn’t do it by being a follower. Well maybe that’s not true, Dennis Hof studied Dale Carnegie. Hugh Hefner knew the times; Jimmy Stephens knew how not to stay in jail.

They say the meaning of madness is doing the same thing over and over. How am I expecting different results always Inspector Echo? I also heard that Hell is repetition. So two years and one-week blogging, where am I? I’ve lost track of how many novels I’ve written for NaNoWriMo. I go to the Day Job, no promotions, no “pay raise,” hell I might as well not have a penis. Speaking of which I’m still dealing with “A&W” at the Day Job. Last time it was Colin Kaepernick and the Confederate Flag. What about telling my boss to quit touching me; I was about to say something sexist about women. I’m getting a taste of what it feels like to be B III, led around on a leash, or following along. All I can think about is running fast, but how do you outrun life.

I should ask all those women that run away from me always. Basic Bitch, Okay, The Rainbow Girl, MILF Dos let’s go back further. The Harmonic War, Momma K, The Sweetest, D Is For Destiny. I’m still going to work on my Pinterest boards, more sections, and a new girl has her board. As the song goes, “running is the story of my life,” and if I’m not chasing some girl, I’m ducking the law. There have been accusations of being Skeevy, Stalkerish. Oh my “favorite word” in the English language, stupid. I smiled today and caught myself in the mirror. Positive vibes I know but I stopped grinning. My motivations say you don’t chase dollars; you follow your purpose. Sort of like Inception, you know, getting women to take off their clothes without paying. Let’s say like making more than I’m spending. Time is not cheap by any means.

Neither is Brainbuddy, paying for something I don’t even use. Did I tell you my Life Tree went all the way to being a stick because of my porn viewing? Hell if my Willy pointed anywhere profitable screw a million. Ten Million, how about a billion dollars Inspector Echo. So forgive me for following the likes of Oldje, Marz, Talin Shields, hell all of humanity. I’m Following Weirdos, Women, Willies.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 006 ~Time To Grow-Up Will~

Last week I talked about running around, but that was the wrong word, I should be rising, and I thought maybe I am still a boy, but I get beat down so much it’s like I can’t even write about being human — time To Grow Up

Sunday, July 7, 2019

Log 006 ~Time To Grow-Up Will~

To Will:
I AM a Millionaire right now, and you should have ten. You saw that somewhere today, and how’s that for Motivation? Do you remember your plans near the end of May? Get published in June, a book ready by late July, fight like hell August. We keep going back to the promise in September to have a million dollars. Now I know you’ve been fighting when it comes to your novel. While I’m on the subject, I’m telling you right now NO. You don’t go to bed until you have Five Thousand Words, you owe it to you.

What’s your age again? Still, you keep going to bed thinking you’ll wake up a child. Did you even read what you wrote this morning and a bit this afternoon? Chapter Nine: The Musings Of A Post DICK (Post It Notes). It’s tearing you apart, the idea of the women you would owe apologies to; Amanda Elise Lee, Talin Lin Pepke, to name a few. Now that’s you being kind. Your motivations are so conflicting, some telling you to look around and fight. Will, this is not the life you dreamed of by any stretch of the imagination. Others say to forget about your past but then what would you have. Then there are those that talk about negative thinking, and you can see why the Christians put it on God. It’s so much easier to ask for a helping hand than getting your ass kicked (LANGUAGE) Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 003 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Naming My Novel And Writing A Back Cover Of It
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing The Five
    Failed
  5. I AM Writing For NaNoWriMo, A New Novel
    Completed (21,400 More Due)
  6. I AM Finishing Reading Beauty in the Broken: A Diamond Magnate Novel by Charmaine Pauls Failed
  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
  3. I AM Naming My Novel And Writing A Back Cover Of It
  4. I AM Reviewing The Five
  5. I AM Writing For NaNoWriMo, A New Novel
  6. I AM Finishing Reading Beauty in the Broken: A Diamond Magnate Novel by Charmaine Pauls

An improvement of one and let me repeat this NO Will. I don’t care that you could take some days off, that FTWD is on, or that you’re tired. Can you imagine if you had this strength back in school? Will, you wrote a whole damn novel on turkey’s becoming the dominating species. You wrote a fantasy epic wanting to fuck Elie (LANGUAGE) from Rave Master and Diane Mizota from Filter. Let’s not go over every poem but then 120,000 words about thirteen women fighting to the death. You know what, it’s not that you still look at yourself as a child. Now that might be an improvement but look at your story. The Beast is not human; you have the man scared to lead, the artist terrified of a woman’s wrath. So you have the rapist, conman, man fucking (LANGUAGE) machines and so you know Time To Grow-Up Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 004 ~Give Me 5000 Will~

How long have I been up in one way or another and by the time I finish this it will be a new day, so why am I still writing, as the song goes the love of the art or my motivations on Discipline, how about I have nowhere else to go. Give Me 5000 Will.

Friday, July 5, 2019

Log 004 ~Give Me 5000 Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Millionaire right now, but I still need to hustle. Do you see what time it is but I put down another Five Thousand words today and why? I told myself I was going to and I’m not getting paid anything. Can we not talk about DIMES money or women?

Unfortunately, the list of women I owe apologies to grows ever longer. Audrey, Savannah Chrisley, such and such who got me to start a blog. A cosplayer who is also a cyber playmate, to name only a few. I wonder if I wasn’t writing about sex, would this process be quicker. When I first thought up writing novels, it never took this long. As always Lady Sophia, I am a traditionalist when it comes to NaNoWriMo so Fifty Thousand Words. Can’t say they are worth anything, though, each chapter having a “sex scene.” Comes off as a hastily written wet dream but again what time is it? I was so busy fighting off a certain kind of feels, and then there’s eating. True enough let’s say an NPC decides to taste the Cosplayer rather than only receive a blowjob. With these Chapter Titles, you know:

We Pretend That We’re Lead
Ass The Face Of Pen
A Type Of Unsolicited Dick
The Shades That Paint Her
Shaved Crayon In The Box
The Skin He Lives In

The first five chapters are writing implements. Now the next will be canvases, and five more will be types of writers. Do I dare still call it Erotica or let’s go with only porn? The novel today doesn’t have a real name, but The Faces of Momus is a stand-in for now. I’m sure I told you before, but it’s about a man that has faces carved onto his back. Each carving and tattoo is of one of his victims. It’s starting to sound a bit like Into The Badlands meets Glass. You can also throw in a bit of Sick Fux by Tillie Cole. You know the Hyde Persona. When we last left our “heroes,” Audrey has to convince the cosplayer to have sex with the tattoo artist. Also who the Cosplayer works for is the man that will not die, The Dragon “Prophet.”

I can’t tell you where the story is going; the world has a mind of its own. Characters talk too much; Give Me 5000 Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 003 ~Bang The Will Slowly~

I can’t stop, and I do mean writing my novel ha, fortunately, I got 4,600 words down before all the fireworks, and I left off with a sex scene in a bombed out city so thank you July 4th fireworks. “Bang The Will Slowly.”

Thursday, July 4, 2019

Log 003 ~Bang The Will Slowly~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Millionaire right now, but I wouldn’t waste any of that on FIREWORKS. Happy Independence Day except for my addiction. As Negan would put it, “Today was a productive damn day.” Four thousand six hundred words added to my nameless novel. Only I didn’t look at porn, though I did find a site called “Oldje.” No, I didn’t go to it but damn Pinterest as always, I broke my streak because of girls like Audrey. Let’s be real though, after my nap; it was an Oldje and cosplay Wendy.

You remember the fast food joint from Saint’s Row, “Freckle Bitch’s? That’s what the cosplay girl made me think of and also Court With Confidence. When you’re writing a story, it’s somewhat unbelievable what you come up with sometimes. Limitless somehow when you’re pulling all these references from everywhere. It can be scary considering I cut off a man’s dick because he didn’t want to save his wife. How about and here’s an important plot point a man doesn’t want to get rough with his wife. It turns out the executioner’s wife is a robot, and he doesn’t want her to know. Of course, he went all out on one of his victims, leaving her in a pool of cum. The tattoo artist is also in love with robotic Audrey.

I don’t know what it is about some girls but for now other than gangbangs and executions the sex is pretty tame. Four chapters in; what am I waiting for you ask? Well, I set my alarm for something, but it turns out there was no need. My motivations say you can’t be patient for the things you want, which brings me back to how much I got done today. Yes, in bed but I’m taking the win. With today I’m at 9,800 which is nice heading into 50,000, I could even skip a day. No I won’t go giving myself ideas, I need those for, my story filled sex romp. If I weren’t so tired I would be looking up all those sites I’m going to beat out one day. What’s that about Rome not being built in a day. Still, they were fantastic for an orgy. They borrowed from the Greeks and aren’t I with my tools of the gods. If only I could keep mine in the toolbox; Bang The Will Slowly.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 002 ~Other Than Writing Will~

Always more worries and chief amongst them this month will be writing, Camp NaNoWriMo having started up again and I’m already five thousand words in but what about everything else. Other Than Writing Will.

Wednesday, July 3, 2019

Log 002 ~Other Than Writing Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I Am A Millionaire right now and also The Tenth Man. If that sounds familiar, it’s Rule 262 Remember, Be The 10th Man. Now all my motivations are contrary to this rule. From fear, worry, regret, etc. The Tenth Man is preparation for some failure, worst-case scenario. Some are waiting for that other shoe to drop, but I put one foot in front of the other. That’s why I’m so disappointed in myself today. It’s only day two of this new series, and I’m fucking up (LANGUAGE).

Yes as always I’m worried about my new nameless novel. Don’t get me wrong, another 1,700 words down, so I’m keeping up with Camp NaNoWriMo. You check the time though, and where did it go; porn I can no longer deny. Now I did strike up a conversation with the pretty girl at work. Seems right that when I last left my novel, they were about to cut a man’s dick off. The Pillar and the stones as they would say in Game Of Thrones, of course, I haven’t had time for anything. My point is I’m “trying” not to worry about my novel, and so I create more things that cause more upset. What about my email, I still remember the days of AOL and being excited? Nowadays I have sixty and think no big deal as long as I’m not getting myself hacked.

B III continues to thrive though Dad is always working in one way or another. Even in my dreams, I thought something happened to Cherry, and when I woke up, she’s okay. Still didn’t stop me from checking Twitter and didn’t I say I know way too many people? At least tomorrow I’ll have one thing less to do, and that’s pretty sad considering. Tomorrow is going to be a huge chunk of writing and even now well here we go. What about wrestling which I fell asleep on two nights in a row. Everything is taking a backseat to Camp NaNoWriMo. Can I even tell you what my story is about, I’m sure I have it written down somewhere? Same shit (LANGUAGE) different year with the blog. My problem is I’m not focusing on being #1 and before I forget, July 4th, BBQ maybe?

My Olds or my cooking ability ha? I’m sorry I fail once to “succeed” somewhere well Other Than Writing Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 364 ~Will To Count On~

From running around the city, to feel like I’m back in school and all, with the backpacks and a ton of shoes and all the math involved and one, is a lonely number, but two sure knows how to torture and a million geez. Will To Count On.

Sunday, June 30, 2019

Episode 364 ~Will To Count On~

To Will:
I AM a Millionaire right now, but do you plan on staying that way? Today has been hard in more ways than one I know. To be honest Day 364, do you believe there should be something else to it? Two years of writing and what do you have to show for it, Will? Hell, you’re still more inclined to spend a thousand or so dollars on tits than a publishing contract. You were more concerned with missing a day of voting than getting in touch with Outskirts Press. Talk about giving up, them, and you no doubt.

Still not thinking about @TheAliceLittle and the commitment there? A man’s word or more to the point put your money where your mouth is Will. Speaking of which, another PCH Sweepstakes and loss. Do you remember when you played four hours a day? Then came that day they came to your state, driving around, this was it and then well, no. Now you spend four hours sometimes holding meetings with yourself. Trying to cut it down to two hours and forty-five minutes, but what’s stopping you? TTB, Vault Girls, Angie Varona, Little Lupe, but you’re not watching. No, it’s another pair of TITS that holds you, and since they’re covered, you’re still in good standing. Well, something is standing at attention with all the stress. From what, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 003 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Naming My Novel And Writing A Back Cover Of It
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing The Five
    Failed
  5. I AM Preparing For NaNoWriMo, A New Novel
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing Reading Beauty in the Broken: A Diamond Magnate Novel by Charmaine Pauls
    Failed
  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
  3. I AM Naming My Novel And Writing A Back Cover Of It
  4. I AM Reviewing The Five
  5. I AM Writing For NaNoWriMo, A New Novel
  6. I AM Finishing Reading Beauty in the Broken: A Diamond Magnate Novel by Charmaine Pauls

Zero is a number you have no problems with my friend. What about four (back in high school) or 1,800 that’s nowhere near the dream with @TheAliceLittle. 1,200 does nothing for somebody else. Fourteen is your son’s age. 730 is the reason you started a blog in the first place. 970 is the least for publishing and what will you have to show for it I ask? One is who you should be thinking about, and five is the best he can do this week; always is. You want scarier numbers what about fifty thousand for NaNoWriMo this month. Two months to find a way to Nevada. Three hundred sixty-five days isn’t that right; you said you’d have one million. Numbers are funny. This morning a man couldn’t buy beer; it’s Sunday, and they have to wait until noon. Pick a number Will, any amount.

Two usual does it, a pair of legs, breasts, hands, whatever. My point is as always you have to be better; Will To Count On.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 362 ~You Writing A Will~

I’ve never been the hero of my story and no wonder I’m so tired, writing what everyone else would make me out to be; the difference between enjoying writing and hating myself for it daily. “You Writing A Will?”

Friday, June 28, 2019

Episode 362 ~You Writing A Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Millionaire right now, but I want to leave my future family with more. Yesterday I was 51% Dead 49% Living, well I did talk to Dirty Diana. If anything I was only alive from the time it took me to turn into Leonard from Big Bang Theory: A XXX Parody. No, I didn’t watch it, but that hasn’t stopped me from wasting valuable “sexual” energies on other things. Am I still going on and on about my Pinterest boards? 120 Sections, that’s 119 girls the last being chicks tied up in ribbons and sashes.

I’ve said it before the true stories of depravity, desire, and deviants, always get me going. Fucked Up I know (LANGUAGE). Speaking of which I might go to see Avengers: Endgame again with all the extras. I want to be the man that finishes what he starts, but that too would be put in the fiction section. These days Lady Sophia the story is, I wake up, work if I must, sleep, and come up with dirty names for women. Of course, that wouldn’t matter if I was a woman or I was looking at millions. Could my compilation of poetry get me those millions? Of course, I take a look at my Enormous Penis. Talk about having some positivity today. I have pants on finally; it’s payday, B III is his usual self. Don’t say I’m never grateful for the things I do have.

I have naughty ideas for my next story though the last novel I wrote remains nameless. It’s impressive when I can come up with all sorts of names. Teaching Tight Tatum, Atop Amateur Ashton, Misunderstood Missionary Megan (Homer drools). I’ll own that brothel yet and make Dennis Hof proud. Hell, I’ll know infamy like Jimmy Stephens. I don’t bother with my “father,” but that’s something I can’t bring myself to erase, his friend request. His story would play out better than the two men I mentioned. Family man, the beautiful wife, paying for a Ne’er-do-well son, churchgoer, upstanding American. No, I will instead be a brothel-owning, babe banging, model hiring, Republican. Trying to stay out of jail, that is winning.

I want to write a story of a dream made a reality, I’ll tell it in print, in checks, contracts, covers, and of course NDA’s. For now, though my life needs a few edits. You ask, You Writing A Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 361 ~Will Of The Moment~

The first days I realized a girl could make me feel anything but fear and now as an “adult” *snickers* hell what kind of man “should” will I be and anybody that says “be yourself” deserves a spanking. Will Of The Moment

Thursday, June 27, 2019

Episode 361 ~Will Of The Moment~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Millionaire right now, but an epiphany can come cheap. Now I know what you’re thinking, that one moment, my senior year of high school. To think that had nothing to do with sex. The second, of course, has everything to do with it, feeling, control, and my wisdom.

I’m a dominant, a sadist, and a rich man. Even with all that, I am still afraid. So what’s wrong with one moment of freedom? Someone said that not all people use their freedom responsibly. My philosophy remains you can do what you want as long as you don’t harm others. I still think of when my “big sister” told me you don’t build a strip club next to a school. True enough, but people would rather have my fear of their fear. Think “Prayers For Bobby” or “Me Before You.” I must be unhappy for others to be happy. What makes me happy is sex, but that’s not allowed. With all the monsters roaming the Earth I’m looked at as one. My novels, studies, these words Dirty Diana give but a moment of freedom. The thing is one can become obsessed, a junkie even.

“Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.”
Oscar Wilde

Doesn’t sound sexy I know, I’m still on Brainbuddy. Now, as it says above, sex is about power, and above all else, that’s what I want. Power without sex; well, let’s skip the philosophical, political, painstaking research. “Deliciae Dolor” The Pleasure of Pain in the book or Delight Pain by Google Translate. My pleasure comes from the pain of others. Again I reiterate the fact that I’m versed in “Safe, Sane, Consensual” (SSC). Also, “Risk-aware consensual kink” (RACK). What I’m getting at is what gets me off the fastest, not that I’m one for leaving a woman wanting. The difference between The Handmaid’s Tale and Whitney Wright in Angelic Bride To Anal Angel. (I didn’t watch any of it). I guess that doesn’t make me any different than most people ha.

My fetishes make me fearless, except trying to explain them. The acts give me a type of control in lives that I never see in mine. The wisdom, if you only knew Dirty Diana. Most supervillains are certified geniuses. Dennis Hof ran gas stations before brothels and Jimmy Stephens well he knows the law well. I only want to forget everything, but I still deny myself Will Of The Moment.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 360 ~Why Worry? Write Will~

Last week I asked what I was I thinking, but at this point, that word should be synonymous what am I “worrying” about, movie tickets, Pinterest boards, my arsenal and more. Why Worry? Write Will.

Wednesday, June 26, 2019

Episode 360 ~Why Worry? Write Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I Am A Millionaire right now, so I haven’t bothered worrying about Nevada in a while. No negative vibes there but I have plenty to go around. I’m worried I might have wasted my life being day 360 and all. Without a doubt, I know I’m a writer because I made these stories up in a day.

I thought I lost my pocket knife today. Now I won’t tell you where but it would be serious trouble. There I was feeling around in my pocket and no blade. Could it be in a chair, the parking lot, my car, the house? Would I be on camera; my fingerprints are all over it, Inspector Echo. It turns out; it was under a paper towel here at the house. Now, why would I go all crazy over a pocket knife? Is it because I’m me or what everybody thinks about me by now? Head, shoulders, knees, and toes, becomes phone, wallet, keys, and knife? Life comes down to the smallest things, last week that was B III. I still hate the vet for thinking I would harm my son. Hell, whenever I leave the house, I pray for Triple B’s safety, but there is so much more to see.

109 Sections and counting; that’s around 327 Words? I’ve seen trouble for more and less Inspector Echo. I’m at the Day Job thinking that at any second the cops are going to burst in and congratulations will be in order. Now isn’t that another way to look at being booked? I’ve said some sexist, stupid, downright SKEEVY things about women. I’m not President Trump though or any other Republican. Only as the song goes “if you got the inclination, I have got the crime.” More often than not, the end of the world has come with a button press. At least I have seen that every so often but I’m still here. Worry, Regret, Fear, I gotta enemies, gotta lot of enemies to keep up the quotes. The truth is though I will always be the worse for sure Echo.

What about my fucked up free tickets (LANGUAGE)? Yes, it’s my fault, and now I have to deal with Office Depot sending my order to the wrong store. I apologize for my lack of positive energy. Killing myself slowly with worries while I ask once more, Why Worry? Write Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 357 ~Backbreaking Escape Of Will~

One more week down, I only worked three days but between shuffling B III between the Vet and back home so I could go shopping, from buying Chinese “everything” to stopping at Taco Bell am I carrying the world or traveling. Backbreaking Escape Of Will

Sunday, June 23, 2019

Episode 357 ~Backbreaking Escape Of Will~

To Will:
I AM a Millionaire right now, and you have gained a dollar more. $565.16 if we count up your savings to this point today. So why should you be afraid? Do yourself a favor and don’t ponder that question. If anything you’re more pissed; animals don’t know any better, but people do and let’s say that today was a long walk. A long walk for Atlas for its one thing to have the world on your shoulders. Now take that same world when it’s in pieces trying to keep it all together Will.

No wonder all you want to do is rest. Eric Thomas says if you can look up, you can get up. I don’t think he was talking about the internet. What have you searched this week that helps with your future? A Cup Cuties #2 with Alyssa Branch, there’s Marsha May, how about Sara Luvv from FTV Girls. My how you do enjoy “Is That Porn” even yesterday you were too far gone. Hell, last night was better than the one before, B III going all over the place. Surprised your neck doesn’t have more kinks, up down, over and over. If we’re going to talk about kinks from Fondling Fetching Faith, to Latex Losing Lena. My Mistress Mattress Michon. Don’t look down, right but it beats the shit (LANGUAGE) all over the place. Speaking of which, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 003 No Fap)
  2. I Will Be The “Father” B III Deserves
    Failed
  3. I Will Name My Novel And Write A Back Cover Of It
    Failed
  4. I Will Review The Five
    Failed
  5. I Will Have “GULP” Published, $1,212 Outskirts Press
    Failed
  6. I Will Finish Reading Beauty in the Broken: A Diamond Magnate Novel by Charmaine Pauls Failed
  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
  3. I AM Naming My Novel And Writing A Back Cover Of It
  4. I AM Reviewing The Five
  5. I AM Preparing For NaNoWriMo, A New Novel
  6. I AM Finishing Reading Beauty in the Broken: A Diamond Magnate Novel by Charmaine Pauls

Burn rubber as the song goes, but your soul needs rest. No, I’m not going to get all religious on you or become your teacher, another zero. The fact that you got up and aren’t going back to bed. Lounging on pillows or the love seat sigh. That my friend is a miracle, it’s you attempting to escape your mediocrity. For others, it’s far too easy running away, a blocked button, a monstrous word like stalking. How about another sort of report card? According to Pinterest though my influence is growing. You’re so full of quotes today like that one from O’Brien in 1984. What about Beauty in the Broken that you should have read by now. You spend so much time down that the book looks brand new when you rise again. Is that why all these synapses are firing off now, The Kinks, HIMYM, Victoria, Don’t Look Down, Biker Boyz, on and on.

“Burn rubber but not your soul” Biker Boyz

“Sometimes, Winston. Sometimes they are five. Sometimes they are three. Sometimes they are all of them at once. You must try harder. It is not easy to become sane.” 1984

You’re Limitless, but you must know Backbreaking Escape Of Will.

I Will Have No Fear