Tag: Normal

Gospel 262 ~B Moaning Next Week~

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So what’s our goal? One of my resolutions was to see Braxton through the year… I write six things down every week, and have I ever had a clean sweep. I woke up this morning, and that was a fight. Yet next week… B Moaning Next Week

Saturday, March 20, 2021

Gospel 262 ~B Moaning Next Week~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now and still feel like I’m going to toss my cookies any second now. One more excuse

Indeed, no day can be worse for me than January 31, 2021. I have no right to complain, but next week is going to be bad. Why should I blame Braxton for that with all the horrors going on in the world today? People can be sick in more ways than one dear Lady Luna. B III had two good ears and was used to me going off on some political tangent. At least I pretended I was talking to him. Speaking out loud to a ball of fur makes you endearing. When he’s not here, it makes you crazy. Do I really need to go over my routines again? At least Braxton doesn’t have to endure it any longer. He’d hate the coming week.

To me, as the song goes, “Every Day Is Exactly The Same.” Braxton was waiting from his first day to his last, but he always had something to look forward to. It could be as simple as me getting home. Lady Luna, it’s what we want, and I took for granted, LOVE. Now I could be wrong. At least over the past week. It hasn’t been for love; I’ve been getting out of bed or getting back in. Hell, I’m taking a page from B III; the sooner we get this done, the sooner we can sleep. Everything between my bed and back is mostly filler. However, last night I had a dream or a nightmare. I saw Braxton’s treats destroyed by my mom, strewn out all over the table.

That’s not much of a dream, but I’m not living much of a life either. Next week there will be changes at the Day Job. I have more money to spend, the $1,400 stimulus. Today, might I even clean out the refrigerator with Braxton’s food… or finally, start cleaning bedding? I said before, all the responsibilities would come catching up to me. Again political rhetoric, cancel culture, like my Russian contact… I wanted Westworld. I’m not watching WWE that much, more background noise. Camp NaNoWriMo is about to start soon. Dammit, another first without Braxton here. Last week of normality. But what is normal? It’s me complaining as Braxton waits for me to be happy. I hope he is happy. I’m B Moaning Next Week

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 256 ~Good Uh Normal Braxton~

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Hate is not normal. Unless you’re my Dad, the Day Job, The Devil… well, actually, I’m enjoying Eric Vall’s Succubus Lord series. It’s wrong, though, to feel good about anything without Braxton. Being bereft of love now? “Good Uh Normal Braxton,” nope

Sunday, March 14, 2021

Gospel 256 ~Good Uh Normal Braxton~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but “why can’t you just be normal?” What am I saying, huh? Braxton’s been gone six weeks.

If anything, he was the closest to happiness you were ever going to get. Again not that I would know. Last night I had a “nightmare” about a car crash. As the song goes, “the dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had.” I wonder what B III dreamed of sometimes. It couldn’t be dying, and I’m not saying that animals don’t understand it. Braxton never lost anyone to it. You don’t remember what life was like before Braxton, but you don’t want to either. For the last week, I have kept up with a routine, well, at least until Friday. Grief has been normal but if I were to talk about, let’s say, apocalypse prep. Braxton’s gone, so the world’s ended.

You wish, don’t you? I wouldn’t blame you for curling back under the covers and falling asleep now. Denial, Depression, and demons of all shapes and sizes, even before Braxton’s death. These things were considered normal. Normal, fuck that, absolutely. Pardon the language but wouldn’t THEY say that hate isn’t normal? You hate you, right? At the moment, though, it’s the Day Job. They disturbed your moment of silence for Braxton. How about fucking up your schedule and expecting you to what, just go on? Dammit, be good, be normal, and not crazy. Should I repeat everything, you’re going to do this week yet again. Well, springing forward isn’t helping now, is it? Another first without Braxton, sigh. Now in that regard, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, “My Dark Vanessa” Kate Russell
    Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 072 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 079) No Fap
  5. I Am Cleaning Out The Refrigerator (Braxton’s Last Meal)
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

How about failing time and time again that’s the normal state of affairs? You even asked Braxton for strength and what? Well, you did read and then spent a half-hour looking up more books. While we’re on the subject, you can’t go spending cash as I did on Saturday, ok? Like watching Songbird on Amazon Prime. I wanted to feel things other than anger for a bit. Without it, you’ll move onto Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. Hell, you woke up depressed again. It’s a constant state but living in denial, that’s “the new normal” for you. As with Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, “Succubus Lord 10” Eric Vall
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 079 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I Am Cleaning Out The Refrigerator (Braxton’s Last Meal)
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Braxton was a good boy, time to get on his level being a good man? Already Bargaining ain’t that right, friend. Good Uh Normal Braxton

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 207 ~Hell With Instructions Will~

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The Bible is not an instruction manual, not like I read all of it. If women had booklets, men would still be messed up. I report stuff on Goodreads all the time because I’m annoyed but with what happened a week or so ago. Hell With Instructions Will.

Sunday, January 24, 2021

Gospel 207 ~Hell With Instructions Will~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I know you’re not angry. Well, you don’t really know how you are other than hot. The weather, “Down With The Sickness,” getting over your addiction. Whatever, dealer’s choice. Better yet, don’t. Making decisions isn’t your thing. Already you disagree. You should be enjoying your freedom while you have it. This last week, I kept telling myself that “agents of the state” don’t stick to any traditional timetable. Ah, tradition. It’s not like you are either as you’re writing from bed.

I had a choice, you have a choice, for all the good that would do. It would be different if you were a Trumptard, and Cops had you on film. Hell, you could make an anonymous call. It’s okay. But yes, you know how we as a people are punished with eyes wide open? As much as you don’t want to be reminded of the Day Job, well, name something you do at work? What is this Family Feud but you “snitch” on people, of course, after the fact, right? I’ve never caught someone straight-up shoplifting ever, but it doesn’t matter. Reporting at work. Dammit, I know you don’t want to. If you could make the world as so, you would never walk into the Day Job again. Even better, you would not be sitting in bed having a conversation with the man in the mirror. Uh, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 023 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 030) No Fap
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Writing “Look A Thing Like Santa”
    Failed
  5. I AM Writing A Brand New TWD Guild Intro
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing Reading Breasteses Why Men Love Breasts
    Completed

I continue to score 2 out of 6, so a 34 F. All the days I had, and all the days you might lose because well… If I were the praying type, um excuse me, I did pray for my Dæmon every day. Anyway, I should have fallen on my knees for you. But I crawled like a slug. Addiction! Well, I did watch The Belko Experiment. I “try” to play an episode of Into The Badlands too. As you can see, I’m still reading. All this last week has been about a feeling of normalcy. Yeah, “Normal” that’s should probably go on the most hated words list, I think. That’s the thing, though. Living in Hell is not NORMAL. How dare I right but tell me something. Right now, what you feel isn’t helping you with Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 030 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Writing “Look A Thing Like Santa”
  5. I AM Not Getting Arrested Ever Again EVER!!!
  6. I AM Finishing Reading Succubus Lord 7 by Eric Vall

Something has to change because you see now what doesn’t come with a booklet for real. Hell With Instructions Will?

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 039 ~The Silent Normality, Willie~

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Maybe it’s the fact that we all wear masks nowadays, which I’m not opposed to. How about the fact that my new Resident Evil mask came today? There’s always the fact there’s too much noise in the world. The Silent Normality, Willie

Sunday, August 9, 2020

Gospel 039 ~The Silent Normality, Willie~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but you’re still “normal.” If anything, you’re wondering how many times Grammarly is going to nail you for using that word. Hell, how many times will Hemingway ding you for using any speech that uses LY, right?

Now that in a roundabout sort of way brings you to today’s point. You wouldn’t be living if someone wasn’t telling you what to do. Yes, myself included, because I want to ask you to ignore us all. I wish I desire, I aspire to tell you this, but it would only be more noise. The Banality of Evil as the song plays. Because that’s what silence is, normal, hell Willie becomes. Do you know why you await the DEAD? They’re silent. I swear they are exactly like you, look at last night. Fapping away, what did you feel afterward… nothing? There you go, grunting in bed, which is only a step above walking into the Day Job. Everyone looking at you like you’re a beast, doing the same thing. It’s like something out of Land of the Dead, you’re pretending to be alive. One more reason you like it when it’s raining and living in this the time of Coronavirus. Still, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 034 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Going To Bed Before Midnight
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing Too Late, by Colleen Hoover
    Completed

Rule #2 states, “You Are Not A Caveman.” Despite what everyone thinks, there is nothing wrong with SILENCE. The problem lies with the fact that NORMAL sucks, and again those words are synonyms. You see, while you should be allowed to embrace the silence. I’m telling you to accept the normal, and that dear fellow cannot be tolerated. That’s what the Day Job is. I applaud us both for getting out of bed. You’re sitting here listening to Calmed by Nature like in some coffeehouse. Only you’re struggling, and it’s going to get worse. You started back reading that W. Anton book, which means you finished “Too Late.” Yay, you but reading for a day and it being something you’ve read before is normal. It’s one more word for dead. Speaking of which, the graveyard, which is Six Impossible Things.

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Going To Bed Before Midnight
  6. I AM Finishing The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them by W. Anton

Now with books, what about the “good book.” They say meek shall inherit… Now I don’t like that, but anything at this point beats normal, silent, and dead. All anyone talks about now is going back to that status quo. Not you, though. You’ll stop being The Silent Normality, Willie.

“Hungry people eat lunch, humble people serve it.” Johnny Cage

Most Hated Words: (My Newspeak List)

  1. Stupid
  2. Skeevy
  3. Fear
  4. Anxiety
  5. Creepy
  6. Normal
  7. Merge
  8. Happy
  9. Family-Friendly
  10. Just Kidding
  11. Tease
  12. Freak
  13. Lazy
  14. Sucks

I Will Have No Fear

Log 062 ~Used To Know Will~

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Who said I didn’t have a plan for my dream; maybe Eric Thomas is right, I don’t have much of a grind, took me two days to get out of bed, and I’m so lucky the books I’m reading have been a bit short. “Used To Know Will,” and he worked hard.

Sunday, September 1, 2019

Log 062 ~Used To Know Will~

To Will:
I AM a Millionaire right now, and what about you, my friend? Are you still that boy sitting in the McDonald’s drive-thru? Tell me are you listening to your motivations, you know the one that asks the most pivotal question. Is it possible to be a millionaire in a year regardless of all your circumstances? Yeah, it’s my fault it took you two days to finally get out of bed to the dining room table. Dreams and temptations are nobody’s fault, I suppose. Last night it was twins.

A girl with a pink dress shirt and blonde hair. Another with a matching blue shirt, Carrie Cummings aka Eileen. There was also Eileen Kelly. Kelli Berglund as well drools reminds you of someone that you used to know. Don’t forget Jayme Langford either. You know, maybe it’s not who you used to know but someone you haven’t even met; the man you’re supposed to be. Well, look at yourself right this second. Three months ago, you would have your book published. Nevada was on the horizon, Alice Little and Ruby Rae. What about a first-class ticket to “Indiana Gone’s” wedding. Yesterday I talked about learning and here’s the repeated lesson, life is, well life. Positive vibes, my friend, but here’s some truth. There are stocks for drugs and weapons but none for pornography. Sin Stocks, you invest in condoms or the nudie bar Al. Will, before you forget our purpose here Six Impossible Things.

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 006 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 013 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Answering “M Anime” As I Answer “Indiana Gone” And “Cherry”
    Completed
  6. I AM Finishing Reading Rules Of Bennett By Ember Michaels
    Completed
  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 013 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Answering “M Anime” As I Answer “Indiana Gone” And “Cherry”
  6. I AM Finishing Beautiful Tears (Enemies To Lovers) C.P. Mandara

One more time half the list is complete. Now you shouldn’t forget CHD and RICK. Church & Dwight Co, RCI Hospitality Holdings respectively. You know that the path you have chosen won’t be easy street. That guy got a mom to strip, and if anything, that is an accomplishment. You know the man that wrote two books over the summer and hasn’t gotten close to editing. Let’s say you have a thousand dollars, how could you use that to forge your destiny? Funny last year you were the man all about tits and ass, now it’s dollars and cents. I did have the guts to talk to MILF Dos, but yeah I didn’t broach the main subject. Speaking of any real reason, you know what this week means don’t you?

The basic bitch (LANGUAGE) doesn’t even compare, so what’s your plan? In the words of TWD “JSS” Just Survive Somehow. Remember your JIC investment, man SIGH, Used To Know Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 055 ~Will To Be Scared~

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Don’t put anything negative out into the universe, one more reason I don’t look in mirrors and while I’m trying the don’t worry part, being happy is like freaking Everest, it’s there but why bother. Will To Be Scared maybe Hip To Be Square?

Sunday, August 25, 2019

Log 055 ~Will To Be Scared~

To Will:
I AM a Millionaire right now, and hopefully, you aren’t afraid. Look who I’m talking to right? You discover fears like you uncover sex. If you were a different kind of man you’d be Ice Cube, just waking up in the morning got to thank God. How about Tony Baker with his Praise God. No, you’re not getting into religion. Hell, this morning you’re at two opposites of the spectrum. On one side there’s MILF Dos. Now on the other there’s Charlotte Hazelrink and Sylvia Van Hossen. That’s Princess Lover, Princess “Censored” 3.

There’s also some other Japanese anime too. What about Heavy Rain and losing on purpose, I’m still not counting Madison’s boobs. Only that leads to your first fears this week. The stress is going to get to you, and you’ll break. In a way, I did you a favor, I suppose. I walked into Walmart thinking I would find Raney Summer Day “The Five.” There was the possibility I would find Sister Maria/Sophia Wells “Raphael.”. If you ever imagined going on a diet, all you need to do is humiliate yourself. Won’t be going to Walmart again unless the Firstborn needs something and there’s always PetSmart. I apologize for finding many new fears. You heard that pop from a plug last night. You’ll find new terrors because I couldn’t finish editing Gulp. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 006 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing The Fallen Genesis, Tillie Cole
    Completed
  5. I AM Bringing My Email Inbox To Zero
    Completed
  6. I AM Finishing Reading Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Completed
  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 006 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Answering “M Anime” As I Answer “Indiana Gone” And “Cherry”
  6. I AM Finishing Reading Rules Of Bennett By Ember Michaels

First time in a long time I’ve gotten through half the list. Now if you had one person to believe in you for once in your life. Your motivations will say all you need is inside you Will, of course. Look at Rowan though he did anything and everything for Rainey. Maria gave all she was, her life to Raphael and now she’s his lover and a sister to The Fallen. You’ve never met a woman like either of them, damn erotica (LANGUAGE). Now you haven’t met the man that doesn’t have to be afraid in the mirror. It’s too late for that today, and it’s only 6:40 AM. All these motivations make it sound easy. It’s why you sleep all the time. If you said I am a millionaire whenever you get an evil thought; you’d run out of air. Brainbuddy breathing exercises, of course. You need the air for running, keeping your kid’s spirits up, the silent screams.

There’s too much anger. Horny is unacceptable. Why’s it cool for Will To Be Scared?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 282 ~Twenty Seconds Of Insane Courage~

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What is a second of courage, an idea, a step, eye contact, a few more seconds, one foot in front of the other, and still there are more and am I facing oblivion yet, five minutes, an hour, what is twenty seconds that? Twenty Seconds Of Insane Courage

Monday, April 9, 2018

Lesson 282 ~Twenty Seconds Of Insane Courage~

Twenty-Seventh Rule Madam Justice

I Am Not Fine Today, how can I be; I’ve always had this sneaking suspicion that the world will come to an end any second, so I’m forever trying to survive until the next five minutes. If I make it give five more, anyone who knows me can say I am a stickler for time unless I feel that whatever it is no longer matters, e.g., my day job, once upon a time I would show up fifteen minutes early.

Sometimes Madam Justice I can easily blame my OCD, but for the most part, it’s fear because when it comes to something like “women” as the song goes “Can We Talk.” Hell, I’m not asking for fifteen, five, hell I’m not asking for even a minute, all I need is twenty seconds, that’s the hard part. What can a man do in twenty seconds, I know women who would have some interesting answers, but men can destroy the world, or you can save a life, you can give love “If Only For One Night” and some might even offer forever.

Honestly Madam Justice I have yet to decide what type of man I will be even at my age, but unfortunately, I have yet to be a brave one, though people have seen different sides of me. Here’s the thing though, let’s reread the rule, I am focusing on “courage” when I should relish on “insane,” and that is something that most will not deny about me, this is something I utterly believe above all else. So if I can get the time right and feel what others think to be insane, as in I have great courage, what is stopping me, there is nothing.

I mean come on just today I have wasted over three hours of my life on something I believe has no value according to me… I am starting to sound like “Cherry” no matter how many times you tell her something she won’t understand. Maybe that’s the trick, thinking I’m insane when it might be the rest of the world, and I’m normal, sort of like that story that the girl told in Veronika Decides to Die: A Novel of Redemption, see how crazy I am becoming these days Justice.

I could be crazy enough to tell you why I didn’t go to prom, well more a story for Inspector Echo am I right? Anyway sometimes I think I see the bigger picture, and other times I only want to live the next few minutes well, sort of like “The 13th Warrior” but most of all I want to be the man I know I can be if I show Twenty Seconds Of Insane Courage.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 083 ~Build Stacks Like Empires~

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I really don’t have time to go over my whole playlist again while I was mowing the lawn and being a rapper has never been one of my pursuits and yet this ‘lyric” has been on my mind all day long. Build Stacks Like Empires, stacks of what, words, cash

Friday, September 22, 2017

Lesson 083 ~Build Stacks Like Empires~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear but do I have originality, individuality, what is it I’m forgetting because this title has been driving me crazy all day; where have I heard it before? Besides that, I’ve been thinking about what it means to build an empire and the question becomes does it even matter if it is left unseen and unheard of by any man honestly?

Today I have done more to build up my house than to build up my writing unfortunately because I’m still worried about what people will think of me so I spent all day mowing the lawn and sweeping. Writers are supposed to be messy, probably artists in general because why do we bother with this world other than to be seen, we’re busy building our own universes. We find freedom elsewhere as we can only be slaves here though sometimes I don’t mind; I have Braxton sleeping on my lap so honestly, typing could be somewhat easier in any case.

Knowing me I’m finally going to get that title when I’m in bed and won’t even think about writing it down or maybe it really is my own idea and I just don’t like giving myself any credit. Luna, I have way too many secrets to bother seeking credit for anything but then again what are we doing here if that’s the case, do you know any of my secrets? According to The Hunger Games Series, secrets can be more valuable than anything and can lead to the destruction of an empire just as quickly as just lighting a match.

Is that why we try so hard to look normal, I mean compare what the neighbors think of me, to my coworkers, to my family, and just about anyone else. If secrets are the heart, then money is the armor, a lesson learned, again and again, money can make anyone beautiful but it can offer a protection that can never be dismissed by anyone Luna.

That’s what it always amounts to, making more money, we’re about making more money and in order to do that, I must appear as a pawn. What’s wrong with being a pawn like today’s rule “It’s Worthy of Your Soul” or like the song “seek out a kingdom, worthy of your soul” a new way of looking at “Hide & Seek” or something like that.

So what have we learned today… a wall of normalcy allows you the opportunity to seek, make the money, build the empire, and then you say besides that lyric driving me crazy today the truth is Build Stacks Like Empires.

I Will Have No Fear