Tag: Therapy

Lesson 232 ~Disease This Thing Called~

WillLeave a comment

I’m just adding to my list of sins, poisons, and diseases, and if I can’t find a cure to such things I might die but I’m still breathing aren’t I, and while they say love is all you need well, my dog is doing his best. Disease This Thing Called

Sunday, February 18, 2018

Lesson 232 ~Disease This Thing Called~

To Will:
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, knowledge and understanding stop fear, well maybe I shouldn’t say stops, no the fear never stops but somewhat redirects it, for example at work, I focus on the location instead of the people. You should hope the people at your day job never hear you talk like that, hell if they listen to you speak ever, like “Pontypool,” it’s a disease this thing called humanity, and you’re infected.

I’m sick, you’re ill, and I don’t know if there’s a cure and while I said I don’t blame the media and often lament that this place is Hell but as the song goes “I’m still breathing, I’m alive.’ Well, you see as I try to start over every week. The past will continue to haunt you though; you will continue to commit my same sins, you will become older and be ashamed, how often do we talk about the poisons in your body. Fear, Guilt, Hate, Lust, Shame, so it looks like you will need several more cures, what else do you have going on these days, let’s look at those impossible things now:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants, (Day 02 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Failed (Day 01 No Fap)
2. I Will Clean Out My Inbox
Failed
3. I Will Get My Bank Account Fixed Up
Failed
4. I Will Figure Out HR
Completed (Hopefully)
5. I Will Focus On The Dog; My Little Boy Is Turning Thirteen The Thirteenth
Partial Completion (A Decent Party)
6. I Will Work On My NaNoWriMo Novel, Finish A Chapter
Failed

With so many failures at this rate I’m resurrecting a dead man, and with that, you can change, like I said before I’m going overboard announcing my death and surprise you haven’t yielded, the fact that you’re up dictates you’re doing something. This week the goal is to redirect, not an uncommon idea, and a story prompt the seven deadly sins making themselves out to be virtues and yes there are seven virtues, but we deal better in crimes don’t you think? A lesson if you must give into lust, work on your Pinterest boards, shop for outfits, to clothe your future submissive, if you must be a glutton then eat real food, try that Walmart Pick-Up. If you’re greedy then make it for more words and time for your impossible things like these six:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants, (Day 01 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Get Out Of The House
3. I Will Get My Bank Account Fixed Up
4. I Will Do Something Nice For Indiana Gone’s Move
5. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
6. I Will Work On My NaNoWriMo Novel, Finish One Whole Chapter

If you’re going to be a sloth get seven to eight hours nightly and spend more time on the couch and not in bed; watch some of the Olympics as well. Wrath would be better served on Walkers in The Walking Dead No Man’s Land and while you’re out and about if you’re going to envy someone make it real like all these interracial couples you’ve seen, strive for that if anything, I’m just saying.

I want you to be proud of yourself, I want the dog to be proud of you, make the future mother of your children proud, make it damn near a disease because life should be something if not a cure but Disease This Thing Called.

“It’s about redirecting.
Evading.
And actually caring about the welfare of your opponent.
So you have to care about yourself.
You don’t have to believe your life is precious, but that all life is precious.
You have to redirect those thoughts, the history that tells you otherwise.
What we’ve done, we’ve done.
We evade it by moving forward with a code to never do it again.
To make up for it.
To still accept what we were.
To accept everyone.
To protect everyone.
And in doing that, protect yourself.
To create peace.” ― Here’s Not Here 06×04, The Walking Dead

I Will Have No Fear

 

Lesson 231 ~Bad Things, Not Always~

WillLeave a comment

All those who wander, hell some days I wish I could join them because even as I lie, here I’m lost just trying to find my place, a better place and wouldn’t it help getting up but then again? Bad Things, Not Always.

Saturday, February 17, 2018

Lesson 231 ~Bad Things, Not Always~

“How? How can I do what is needed, when all I feel is… hate.”

“[holds up black mask] You hide it, with this.” ― from The Mask of Zorro (2008)

Hey Lady Luna,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore as I have said I am a hypocrite again and again, from saying I need to step out to wanting to fall back, from saying I hate the mask to embracing it, to changing why I wear it at all. There are days Lady Lu when I can’t stand my people (Black People), and then there are days I’m quite proud even if I’m in a crowd just wanting to roar truthfully.

“If a man hasn’t found something he will die for, he isn’t fit to live.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.

Yes, Black Panther is a good movie, good enough I almost called my mother to come out and support it, if it wasn’t for all the drama at the house or maybe not, I don’t care enough to ask. Speaking of my views on women, Lupita Nyong’o/Nakia and Letitia Wright/Shuri, I’m not sure who I liked more; told you I’m equal opportunity when it comes to women… okay, most women. Anyway, the lesson for today is why aren’t I living, and it’s the fact that I’m still trying to find my place, a solid strategy, my life must have if not a purpose, rules, again I’m all anarchist, but I like an order to things.

“Fathers are supposed to show sons how to be a man in the world, but I guess the world is too much for you.” ― Grotesque, Fear The Walking Dead

In Black Panther, the former king tells T’Challa, a man that hasn’t prepared his children for his death has failed as a father; God knows my father hasn’t, I still have to go to him for everything, and if a catastrophe were to happen, yeah I’m screwed. As far as I know, my father didn’t have his father, and while mine is around I still find myself lost and clueless, barely hanging on and what about my four-legged son? I don’t know what I have to be and I’m so busy trying to appease everyone and keep myself somewhat sane that I fall apart quietly.

I was telling a friend the other day about Black Panther and *spoiler* why is it the white man has to save the day, even in a movie all about black people; it’s cliché as if no one but the white man is capable of such deeds. Not trying to sound political Lady Lu and isn’t this supposed to be about me, I’m not looking to save the world but only me and my son and how do I do that I have to ask.

The mask keeps me employed; if I have to depend on my father, for now… so be it, if it means learning to shut up, or stay clean, then it is what it is which I hate saying. Though you can’t blame me as Killmonger was saying, better to die than live in bondage and while I’m not doing anything stupid, Bad Things, Not Always

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 225 ~Meant To Be Free~

WillLeave a comment

Every day I count one more link in the chain, Mr. Scrooge only knew greed, but money is not my evil, lust, guilt, fear, hate, I need to make a list, but hopefully, I’ll stop with seven, my slave masters. Meant To Be Free

Sunday, February 11, 2018

Lesson 225 ~Meant To Be Free~

To Will:
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, merely disappointed though it’s not your fault, not yet… though I’m sure you’ll have a few disappointments honestly, especially considering what week this is and my you will be busy. If it’s any consolation you are a wanted man, like masters wanted slaves, as comedians need jokes, and by women, as a gay best friend, and for other things, if you thought about one in such a way.

Speaking of thoughts, last week it was all worry, but blood and tribulation, fire and glory, the day of the writing in the sky and all I could do is keep my head down because like some slaves I asked what the hell am I going to do with freedom? I’m trying instead of doing, here I had the damn stage, but all I could hear was laughter; yes I laugh at myself, and I cry, well actually I sleep to keep from crying. What about the women; even if I could keep it in my pants, they wouldn’t want it, and unless you do something about it Wednesday you’re going to be alone again.

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants, (Day 07 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Failed (Day 02 No Fap) Okay
2. I Will Stay Employed In My Day Job, Do The Right Thing
Partially Complete, Employed But Wrong
3. I Will Not Know Intimidation By The General Manager
Failed
4. I Will Decide What To Do With My Day Job Account Against That Man
Failed
5. I Will Get My Bank Account Fixed Up
Failed
6. I Will Work On My NaNoWriMo Novel, Finish A Chapter
Failed

As you can see, I can’t be free of my demons, but you have to be free of me, so maybe the goal should be, don’t be like me, I imply that every week don’t I? Don’t let freedom scare you, but how hard did I fight to stay a slave, how much ass did I have to kiss, how I caved to everything but know this, your soul is worth more than $10.20 an hour. There are times I don’t think I even have a soul but then I remember that this is Hell and even if you choose to be here, as they say, better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven, so don’t be blind Will.

Now this week what are those six impossible things and I know again, this is going to be a busy week, but you’ll do better.

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants, (Day 02 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Clean Out My Inbox
3. I Will Get My Bank Account Fixed Up
4. I Will Figure Out HR
5. I Will Focus On The Dog; My Little Boy Is Turning Thirteen The Thirteenth
6. I Will Work On My NaNoWriMo Novel, Finish A Chapter

“dependin’ on me, sometimes we ain’t meant to be free” ― I Am, Jorja Smith

It seems so simple doesn’t it, like dropping a chain, running away, it’s a disease, just like lust, guilt, fear, and now slavery, you might as well be Gus Mancuso from Passengers, every infliction under the sun, I know right?

I’m not expecting a miracle but the keyword this week is “FREEDOM”; four work days right, but one day, I don’t know when just know we’re Meant To Be Free.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 224 ~Write Me A Letter~

WillLeave a comment

No, I’m not playing my cheerleader, and this isn’t a spelling bee, now if you have some of that Love Potion No. 9, I would probably use it to drown myself with it, at least it would keep me from talking. “Write Me A Letter,” leave it on the grave ha.

Saturday, February 10, 2018

Lesson 224 ~Write Me A Letter~

“There are only 20 letters in the alphabet”.

“No, there are 26!”

“Oh, I forgot U R A Q T.”

“You forgot one letter.”

“I’ll give you the D later.”

Hey Lady Lu,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore so deliver me a D, loan me an L, and vote me to a V, what does that spell, nothing at all, I’ve never been a spelling bee champion, just ask Google, and how I’m trying to define so much these days.

Defeat not being one of them; yes Lady Lu this is one of those days and not just because of the rain, I could have used a day like this yesterday, Mr. Blue Sky and a Sunshine Day, and I spent the majority of it in bed. Depression is a hell of a drug, and it’s a disease this thing called love as I heard once, breaking my own heart, so is today about getting over myself maybe, getting off my back and giving my hands something else to do and not behaving like, well you know. Dick, a Willie, just another Wiener and there will be plenty of those next week to be seen, but I’ll be keeping mine in my pants though there is a girl here or there that wish I wouldn’t.

Lonely is something I shouldn’t be if I were a better man or at least a less shallow one, I was looking forward to a striptease, but no I’ll be getting ready for the big day. It’s my dog’s birthday; he’s turning 13, which is 68 according to Pedigree. Loser for a best friend he honestly deserves better, though everybody else seems quite content, losers don’t fight back, losers exist for the joy of others, and as the song goes, “I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me?” Love am I right, no matter where it comes from it’s always destroying me or maybe I give too much and get too little, and that makes me sound like a selfish douche I know…

“Soy un perdedor
I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me?” Loser, Beck

Voicing such feelings isn’t allowed anymore is it, am I still harping on about work, about lies, about not being heard, yeah I hate listening to it as well, but I can’t help but question what I want more. Valentine’s Day, remember, lust, love, and please don’t say like, I think I’ve had more than I can stand of that word being in the general manager’s office a few days ago, I sounded like such an idiot, and no I didn’t win. Victory ha, a term as unfamiliar to me as my name these days.

What have we learned today other than the fact that I’m burning out on creativity and I should buy a dictionary if I’m so out of touch; from Heaven or Hell, from the hotel rooms, the happy homes, the places I might never see could you Write Me A Letter.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 218 ~Ready For A War~

WillLeave a comment

I wasn’t ready for their hatred, and or to hate myself, what human being is, we learn to hate, and not to love anymore, but what about winning, tell that to the teams in the Super Bowl, I’m ready to watch… the commercials. “Ready For A War,” no.

Sunday, February 4, 2018

Lesson 218 ~Ready For A War~

“Perhaps it’s fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom… Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution… but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist.” ― Bill Pullman, Independence Day (1996)

To Will:
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, remember, remember the fifth of November, or how about August 6th, what about The HARM of a Cookie, even the time somebody strapped a pair of panties to my jeans in high school? My point today is that nobody is ready; today is the Super Bowl and while I despise football… maybe that’s harsh; I hate my boss I dislike football anyway no one is ready for a fight until you’re already in one, sad to say honestly.

“We’re not built to kill. We don’t have claws fangs or armor. Vets, they came back with PTSD, that didn’t happen because we’re comfortable with killing. We’re not. We can’t be. We feel. We’re connected.” ― The Walking Dead 6×04

Am I trying to talk you out of tomorrow, my friend I am afraid that is out of my hands, you are at war with your soul I know but one man’s destruction is better than unleashing Hell, but somebody smashed your gates, that asshole did and now? Who prepares for this even if they do, nobody ever is but you’re a just not like them, and because you can’t be, no you won’t be, you find yourself here; it doesn’t mean you can’t be better, I always wish that. Speaking of which before I get too carried away what about those six impossible things how did that go for me with this last week?

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants, (Day 32 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Failed, I’m starting again Day 7 (Haley Pullos as Belle Knox)
2. I Will Keep Working The Day Job Despite Everything
Completed barely worked at all
3. I Will Not Spend A Full Day In Bed (Not More Than 8 Hours In 24)
Completed, but already failed 2/4/2018
4. I Will Forget About Last Week
Failed, you kidding me, right?
5. I Will Focus More On The Dog And Pretty Girls
Completed, my dog and Indiana Gone was here, that’s enough?
6. I Will Work On My NaNoWriMo Novel
Completed, isolated one chapter

Though I failed at a couple this shows that I do have what it takes to win at least to some degree but what about tomorrow, the day after, this whole month, look at it this way you just have to carry this week. How long does it take to win a war though because surely you haven’t hated yourself forever and that’s the problem with these things you rarely remember why you’re fighting, but you soldier on because there is no other way? Trust me I’ve tried, words fail, silence fails, what about competition, it worked for the Greeks, and now cities are set to flames, I want peace.

This week though I doubt you will see that, shouldn’t that make the list of six impossible things, don’t hold your breath, literally because this week will be a fight but besides that what else:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants, (Day 07 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Stay Employed In My Day Job, Do The Right Thing
3. I Will Not Know Intimidation By The General Manager
4. I Will Decide What To Do With My Day Job Account Against That Man
5. I Will Get My Bank Account Fixed Up
6. I Will Work On My NaNoWriMo Novel, Finish A Chapter

Honestly, wish you had an Annie Cresta to your Finnick Odair, is it ideal to fight when you do it for the ones you love I wonder; I love my dog like pancakes but this war my friend, in the end, it’s only you. As Haymitch told Katniss, I leave you with this “Stay Alive” but why don’t I ask you to win because you have to want to but nobody ever is you know, nobody’s Ready For A War.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 217 ~Making Some Black History~

WillLeave a comment

A whole week off and all I could do was think about is my history with a job and my future, how do you know where you’re going, when you don’t know where you’ve been and why couldn’t I just enjoy being. “Making Some Black History,” I should have

Saturday, February 3, 2018

Lesson 217 ~Making Some Black History~

Hey Lady Lu,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore because I’m black and no I’m not talking my race, but at this moment I have a job, I have my words, and my bank account isn’t empty. The thing is with all that; I am looking more forward to the ides of March. Most days I want to survive the night now I must endure the month but what about tonight?

First night back at work in I don’t know how long and this will merely be a prelim to the rest of the month I have to get through, and we’ve been done this road before. As much as I want to believe that everything is going to be okay isn’t it ironic that words got me in trouble with a young woman and silence got me in a predicament with that bastard who’s my boss? Makes a person not want to exist but now I’m not going down the suicidal road again, that’s perhaps why I’m so screwed up sadly like everything else I do it’s always for other people but not myself ever.

“A true suicide is a paced, disciplined certainty. People pontificate suicide is a coward’s act. Couldn’t be further from the truth. Suicide takes tremendous courage.” ― Robert Frobisher, Cloud Atlas

Why should I make their job easier I ask you by maintaining the status quo, my dear Lady Lu am I becoming political and did I mention that I’m fighting another black man and for once not the man in the mirror? I asked Lady Sophia the other day when will I start doing for me and not for others, even now another author wants a review, and he along with one more wants me to be part of their review teams, and I told them no. At the same time though I want to remain a slave, hell I fight for the chains and wear them as hastily as my name badge and lanyard because as much as I speak to the contrary, I am afraid all the time.

You know I learned something today, history is not written by the victors or by the survivors, history is yours the moment you are no longer afraid, and if I were to begin to write that history you know what word I would start with honestly? “No,” and maybe that’s disappointing but what has yes gotten me and I’m sure I’ve said the exact opposite of saying yes to everything but until people understand no they can’t appreciate yes. No, I will not die today, no I will stay in the black, and “KNOW” I will Make Some Black History.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 211 ~Here’s To The F-Words~

WillLeave a comment

Well, which one shouldn’t I say Fear is always a no-no but what about fair, no not me, or friends, be my guest; forget failure or epic fails. Still, I might be fired soon, *gulp*. Here’s To The F-Words and the one that seems to be avoiding me always.

Sunday, January 28, 2018

Lesson 211 ~Here’s To The F-Words~

To Will:
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, but a lie has always tasted better than the truth, but I wouldn’t feed it to you, not purposely or deliberately but then you would go hungry wouldn’t you? Hunger, back to the wall, surrounded, it’s enough to make one scream the F-Word, yes I’m back to censoring myself but what exactly am I leaving you with after the week that I’ve had, you know it’s not fair.

Fair, life is not fair, isn’t that what they say and that’s the truth, but we’ll get to that, but even Billie Jean roared “Fair Is Fair” and what happened to her? Fired though that was only in effigy, whatever would become of you if you got canned this week and for what, because you refuse to make friends or have fun. Friends and fun are words that you would never use to describe work, and there is one excellent F-Word for the guy that runs the place but wouldn’t that just make you a failure, like me, with everything that happened and didn’t last week, those goals of ours.

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants, (Day 25 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed Day 32
2. I Will Go Outside, Not Work Or Just Walmart, But Starbucks, Bookstore, Library
Failed
3. I Will Not Censor Myself
Failed
4. I Will Smart Off To Somebody At Work
Completed (HR)
5. I Will Focus More On The Dog And Pretty Girls
Failed (Depression)
6. I Will Work On My NaNoWriMo Novel
Failed

Fail, no an Epic Fail as the kids say these days and what can I say about number four, after everything that happens during the workday to me and the moment I choose to stand I leave you on the brink of war, I’m sorry. Fear is not something I want for you but it is here, and it will be waiting later on this week so is that another goal, indeed that is the all-consuming goal for your life or the life you want to have. Forget everything that has happened to me this week, but that will be next to impossible I know but do, that’s what we strive to do now name those six impossible things Will:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants, (Day 32 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Keep Working The Day Job Despite Everything
3. I Will Not Spend A Full Day In Bed (Not More Than 8 Hours In 24)
4. I Will Forget About Last Week
5. I Will Focus More On The Dog And Pretty Girls
6. I Will Work On My NaNoWriMo Novel

What more can I ask of you, that you will have a future because I already said I want you to forget about me and does that make me a hypocrite wanting you to erase the past but without it, without me, you don’t have a future? Future you’ll have one, but this shouldn’t just be about what I want you to do for me but something for you, I can’t say what makes you happy because you’re still trying to discover such a thing.

So go and look and if not for then for the dog, he needs more treats anyway and who knows you might make it through this week without a certain F-Word but, to be honest Will, Here’s To The F-Words.

“Promise me you’ll find it.”

“Find what?”

“The life of a Victor.” Mockingjay Part 2

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 210 ~You’ll Fill Them Someday~

WillLeave a comment

I had a dream a week ago, and now that vision threatens to end the others, but things change; Thursday I had two siblings, and today it’s official I have three, a younger half-brother. “You’ll Fill Them Someday,” holes in my wallet and life

Saturday, January 27, 2018

Lesson 210 ~You’ll Fill Them Someday~

“In peace, nothing so becomes a man as modesty and humility, but when the blast of war blows in our ears, then imitate the action of the tiger, summon up the blood, disguise fair nature with rage and lend the eye a terrible aspect.” ― Kevin Costner, The Postman (1997)

Hey Lady Lu,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore because it seems to me that I have spent my life in a graveyard; my dreams have foreseen this, but I am still not a prophet but a gravedigger instead. These days I am filled with so much, I don’t know what and usually this would be the part of the story where I stop eating and just lay down and die, and yet I continue, and that begs the question what’s with the hole or holes?

I’ll fill them someday, with so many tears but what am I crying for, well not yet anyway I’m too tired to bawl, tired of being lied to, of being attacked, how about scared as much as I try to deny it, or just being tired. My father cheating on my mom, having another brother or sister, I could be valuable, and hours later the general manager is calling me “cancerous,” hating and needing my job at the same time, and spending days in bed. You know what pushed me out of bed today, it is rage pure and simple, for all that I wish that love could do, it’s hate that got me moving, and that’s sad I know.

Later on today I’m going to try and bury it down but hate is like a horde of zombies, they just won’t stop, and you learn to endure. My hate won’t disappear; how many words does it take to bury it, them, me, I write, I’ll fill another blank page with words and what will it accomplish; dare I dismiss the value of words? How I know their power and what I write today will be a form of necromancy, but again I give myself too much credit, dreams told me I would have troubles at work, and now I’m digging the hole even lower, and maybe that’s it, I’m alive in the grave maybe.

“That’s the trick of it, I think. We do what we need to do, and then, we get to live. But no matter what we find in DC, I know we’ll be okay. Because this is how we survive. We tell ourselves… that we are the walking dead.” Rick Grimes

A hole has one purpose Lady Luna, and that’s to know fullness, mouths with words, eyes with beauty, blank pages with the truth; I’m telling the truth today, and nobody will hear it, god this will make more holes than fill them up. How many times have I buried myself, I can see Heaven and yet I have not had my feet on solid ground in I don’t know how long. But I keep digging, standing on all my corpses, hoping one day that this holes I’ve created, I tell myself, You’ll Fill Them Someday.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 204 ~It’s The Good Heat~

WillLeave a comment

Without a doubt fear is the ultimate cold and have I always been this frozen in place, paralyzed, hard, wanting nothing more than soft, warm blankets, my cuddly dog, and a cup of hot cocoa when I’m not too lazy to get up. It’s The Good Heat

Sunday, January 21, 2018

Lesson 204 ~It’s The Good Heat~

To Will:
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, are you ever too lazy for fear, is that what this is or are you too busy trying to keep it in your pants; by the way, good job with that, definitely going on the list. Here’s the question though, what happened to your anger, your passion, and the weather is getting warmer, so you honestly have no excuse for being wrapped up indoors the way you have; yet another thing for the list of six impossible things.

Indeed Hell is not an impossible thing, and maybe I’m too blame with the forced censorship of she who will not be named, is that to blame also for this depression, that you are getting out of this week. Yeah, you’ll have quite an itinerary this week, and I’m sure you’ll be mad enough and man enough because you’re going back to the day job as well. What was that I just mentioned about Hell, that’s just it isn’t it, you can’t stand being cold and I don’t just mean physically but spiritually as well.

You have a heart in there someplace, I know it but what have we been using as fuel nowadays other than your own words and why are looking to hate more, feel lust, not that those are bad things considering where you are. Who was it that said, any place you never leave becomes a prison, and since you don’t feel the house is a home, home is where the heart is, and that’s always with the dog, but he might be a cellmate with your work and depression which isn’t a good thing. My point is you have to find other ways to stay warm without being wrapped up in the covers, hating some stupid bitch and the rest of the world, and porn binging.

Now while finding the Esther to your Benji might be too far I’m thinking that you honestly should start believing six impossible things before breakfast and so those six goals will be the following list:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants, (Day 25 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Go Outside, Not Work Or Walmart, But Starbucks, Bookstore, Library
3. I Will Not Censor Myself
4. I Will Smart Off To Somebody At Work
5. I Will Focus More On The Dog And Actual Pretty Girls
6. I Will Work On My NaNoWriMo Novel

This list seems quite attainable doesn’t it and as I said this must become a thing if life is ever going to get better, take for example you won’t be crawling back under the covers today. Make the bed, eat something, take a shower, and you have four hours of work at the dining room table before you start reading.

Will it’s always time to do the right thing; okay, couldn’t say that with a straight face but as the song goes, get up, get out, and get something started; living, It’s The Good Heat.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 203 ~What’s A Death Sentence~

WillLeave a comment

What can’t we talk about and why can’t we talk about it, death, doom, pain, madness, and what does it matter who sees, because it’s my fingers on the keys, my words that are not understood by most. What’s A Death Sentence hmm

Saturday, January 20, 2018

Lesson 203 ~What’s A Death Sentence~

“we’re allowed to make a lot of mistakes in our lives, except the mistake that destroys us.”
― Paulo Coelho, from Veronika Decides to Die

Hey Lady Lu
I Am Not Afraid Anymore because to be afraid of itself is just action and this entire week sadly I have been a man of inaction for the most part. You see I stand as a man convicted of nothing more than memories and a promise and come tomorrow I will have fulfilled that promise and will probably write my death sentence.

What promise is that you ask “to not say one more word about…” anyway I have done so, I believe, but even that has now allowed me to live as I should which begs the question, what’s a death sentence. It might be like an unwritten rule and you know I’ve been into writing plenty which might be a problem when I made it out to be the solution, still trusting that writing might be my salvation. You know how I like zombies and how someone is working on a virus right now but you know something, that virus is fear, it is what makes us all The Walking Dead.

It is a prospect that twists in my guts and stops me from doing anything; it is the knife turning in my skull leaking all of the ideas but rendering me incapable of writing. It’s the voice in your head, the whispers, the screams, but most of all the guilt and judgment of those that would make themselves your doctors, your judges, and your God. My dear a death sentence is when you open your mouth to speak and what you hear from others is nothing but laughter as if your life is nothing more than the biggest joke in the world to them all.

“So this is how liberty dies, with thunderous applause.” ― Padmé, Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith

A death sentence is a truth you must bleed for; they say the truth shall set you free, and I would like to add “of the mortal coil.” Yes, a death sentence spells freedom for once you have accepted the fact that you will die, that you will lose everything, and who you are in every breath, what you feel is no longer shame, then there is no fear anymore.

Lady Luna, a death sentence can be as beautiful as a kiss, a moment gasping for air, every drop that leaves the body that represents life, you know what I mean, damn censorship, right? So what have I learned today, that I could be looking at my favorite mistake, indeed who knows, sadly I feel these conversations of ours are just continuing to repeat the question What’s A Death Sentence?

I Will Have No Fear