Lesson 122 ~Future Wife, The Musical~

Sometimes I can barely speak and you want me to sing, though I wouldn’t mind being some businessman in a karaoke bar at some point. Future Wife, The Musical, I wish there was music so I would know I’m getting close to finding her.

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Lesson 122 ~Future Wife, The Musical~

Dear Future Wife,
No Fear but maybe if I met you when I was younger, and I can’t promise you won’t hear me in the shower, or when I’m attempting to cut the grass, there was even a point where I attempted to be a songwriter and I’ve only written a song once for a girl. I’d write a song for you but I would probably have someone else sing it for sure, and yet for you to sing to me would be so wonderful.

I’m sure I’ve said it before but my absolute favorite thing is to just lie in bed on a Saturday morning just for two or three hours and listen to 40’s-50’s nuclear war tunes. If I’m not quoting movies “Seeking a Friend for the End of the World” I’ll usually quote songs and really what are we doing if we aren’t seeking a friend for the end of the world. Is that my way of telling you that I’ll love you forever, I’m sure there are plenty of songs that will tell you that much.

Unless Ellie Goulding comes walking down the street and then I might be out the door… what can I say I’m a fool for a siren, a songstress, and a good video game medley. Everything but gospel although I do have a song from Building 429… what did you think I was hiding, this or that but yeah if you check my phone I’ll probably have some weird playlist. Sometimes talking just seems like so much noise, no not you but others and I look forward to the day that we can ignore people together with our earphones, walking together.

Discovering you will be like discovering my favorite song, my favorite playlist, and I suppose our taste will evolve together. I talk of singing but what about dancing, I’m not sure when in public but I remember being on the side of the road and dancing to “Drunk On You.

I imagine the song that will be you to me and me to you, I wonder what song we may call ours at one point. Most of all I just want your voice because what can honestly be more beautiful than three little words I long to hear from you.

If anything I’ll ask you to play that song for me, it ain’t “Easy Street” but Future Wife, The Musical.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 115 ~I’m So Damn Hot~

Beautiful might be a better word, how about gorgeous, cute, pretty, or what have you, but it’s been a long time since I have been lovesick, felt passion, heat, or anything else. “I’m So Damn Hot” or maybe that’s just been the weather lately

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Lesson 115 ~I’m So Damn Hot~

Dear Future Wife,
No Fear but before you think I have a big head or I lack the confidence to say such a thing, to quote Olaf “I like warm hugs”; I’m not exactly a Disney nerd but that movie isn’t going anywhere. Neither and I for the most part, no I’m not leaving you, for shame, what I mean is I’m more of a stay in, curl up with a good book, warm super soup belly, mug of tea, movie fanatic guy, just saying.

Good thing I married you because I ‘d be damned if I let you steal one of my hoodies, though I’ll admit it looks good on you and I suppose we’ll have to talk about the thermostat situation. I love the heat but need the cold to sleep, I’m somewhat cold-blooded and not just in video games… I did mention being a nerd right? I was born up north but I’m pretty much a southern boy, though I could see myself in California, someday, a private beach or a wooded glen, away from something that burns me up, which would be most people being honest.

Someplace the fire department would have a hell of a time finding… sounds ominous, just my way of saying I don’t cook, though I know a girl here or there that would have a difference of opinion. If it wasn’t for a microwave and you I suppose I would have starved a long time ago. You know things are bad when the dog hides under the bed or suddenly wants out of the house any moment I turn on the stove or look at the oven or crockpot. Speaking of getting out of the house, I do enjoy going on hikes, not that I have anything against long walks on the beach but what’s best is just sitting next to you, playing footsy in the lake, reading that collection of poetry I finally got around to writing, when that’d happen?

Your arms around me, hot showers, and doing things that should get us both sent straight to Hell but to quote a song, “It’s Only Love”. If it is a Hell-worthy trespass for wanting you the way I do, needing you more than anything else, feeling the way I do and especially if you feel the same way well, at least we’ll be together hmm?

If anything I’ll always burn for you, “I’ll Melt With You” because you’re so damn hot, I’m so damn hot.

“She’s mad but she’s magic. There’s no lie in her fire.”
― from Charles Bukowski

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 108 ~And Maybe I Snore~

To someone so I won’t have to dream alone someday, that is when I do dream; sleep, more like the walking dead these days and I’m looking for that perfect zombie apocalypse partner. And Maybe I Snore but I haven’t had anyone to tell me.

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Lesson 108 ~And Maybe I Snore~

Dear Future Wife,
It’s a valid question if I snore or not, I’m sure before we take such a step you’ll have plenty of chances to learn the truth of this. I can tell you with utmost certainty that I sleep like a log, I get up for two things in no particular order, work, the dog, and you, any other time I’ll probably be dead to the whole world.

People can be exhausting but with you, as corny as this might sound, you have to be the dream, honestly, as much as I sleep I don’t find many opportunities to dream because I’m searching for you and when we’re together… I don’t want to miss a thing and no I don’t sing in my sleep and I’m pretty sure I don’t talk, at least the last time I recall I woke up rattling off cheat codes to Star Wars: Rogue Squadron. I think you’re pretty used to the quiet when it comes to me, more than a quirk, or a habit, a necessity because yes, people take a lot out of me but you…

On one hand, I would say you wake me up to everything in this world and I’ll never get bored and on the other, you can find both my love and my trust in you as I lie here. There is only one other who has ever known this and you’ll find him at the foot of the bed curled up, standing guard, or simply watching TV when I’m out like a light or trying to read. Sharing my bed, I swear that dog must trust you, he’ll get used to you, and he sleeps as much as I do, I can’t help but wonder what he’ll do with you around and me lying here.

I have always imagined that we’ll have lots more to do but nothing makes me happier than to lie here next to you, reading until we can’t hold up a book, watching a movie and knowing we’ll have to watch the whole thing tomorrow, or listening to our playlist on a Saturday morning for a few hours. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy being in bed for other things and you won’t ever have to worry about a cup of coffee, though I’ll buy you a machine if you like, I’ve never been one to indulge myself.

And maybe I snore, I’m still waiting to confirm that but I look forward to the day we find out, someday, how long until then?

Four More Years, Days, Pages

The great, the amazing Johan Twiss, though that might be giving him too much credit, then again I gave this book five stars too and would you honestly like to know why I would do such a thing Four More Years, Days, Pages

“Sometimes I just wished life could be different”
4 Years Trapped in My Mind Palace

From the get-go, this is way more than four, five stars all the way and normally I don’t start with a rating but this is truly an awesome read. Now I’ve read Johan Twiss’s work before and to be honest I felt somewhat pressured to rank him somewhat high but with this work, I would give the guy more stars if I could, talk about having only seen the tip of the iceberg and I wish more books could be like this, just amazingly wow.

I’m not even sure what to call this genre since the first book of his I read “I AM SLEEPLESS: Sim 299 (Volume 1)” was clearly a sci-fi but with “4 Years Trapped in My Mind Palace” if I must compare it to anything it would be Andrew Davidson’s “The Gargoyle” just tuned for a younger demographic but don’t get me wrong, being an adult this book is amazing. Now the author sent me a free copy for an honest review and with my last review, I thought the sci-fi wording was somewhat wonky and while this is clearly a different sort of book, Johan clearly did his research. He even goes into detail about his research which means he is clearly hoping his fans might get him… message received Mr. Twiss and well done.

Usually, I’m one to talk about cliché and not to toot my own horn but I read plenty, I’m no critic but anybody who’s anybody will tell you I know my references but this story is quite unique and original. The rare form of “meningitis” for example, I’m sure most people would have gone straight for comatose but Aaron is quite active for someone that can’t move at all. As he is drawn into his Mind Palace we are drawn into him and as far as moving, I couldn’t turn the pages fast enough really.

Is it too soon to mention Solomon the great, Solomon the amazing, how about Solomon the wise, I’m sure the author mentioned King Solomon. Most can only hope for such a life, keeping in mind the joy and pain, sunshine and rain… something from my own memory/mind palace and that’s another thing the music, I swear I can hear it.

“People do this to me all the time. For some reason, they feel compelled to share their life problems and hidden secrets with me. Probably because I’m like a pet dog that can’t talk back. All I can do is sit and listen, even if I don’t want to”
― from Johan Twiss, 4 Years Trapped in My Mind Palace

You’ll find no, stop me if you’ve heard this from me today, at least not story wise, again I’ve somewhat seen the concept in The Gargoyle, Forrest Gump, and probably a hospital drama here and there but the story is an original and between you and me it beats interesting, truth be told I hate when people call my work interesting. Aaron Greenburg deserves so much more along with Solomon and most of the other characters, some were only bits but you felt for all of them, even Dr. Idiot.

So if you’re still listening how exactly would I sum this up, not that you shouldn’t already be looking this up for yourself… Aaron Greensburg has meningitis which prevents him from moving and speaking, his only respite being his mind palace until he meets Solomon who has the ability to hear Aaron’s mind and opens him up to his own history, from boxing to jazz, to World War II and if you want a trip to Disneyland or should I say Wonderland this is the book for you. My third favorite character has to be Solomon’s granddaughter Sarah, not trying to spoil anything yet but I would like to read more of Aaron’s future, immediate future while the ending itself is awesome.

As for the other characters, there was no waste, each character if only for a few pages was developed and felt so real; unique, original, leaving not a single doubt in my mind. Speaking of the mind, I sort of see Aaron’s mind palace as a video game or at best VR but when he began experiencing Solomon’s dreams and dementia, that was a whole new way to fly, Matrix parallel could be. The story brought out so much in me, can’t say I was much into jazz but my aunt would play her classics on the radio and tell stories here and there about her life sometimes.

Also while the author is being so creative, I like how he puts a bit of himself I mean his own experiences in this and he doesn’t sugarcoat any of it. Well, I take that back but I wished for just a moment to be sixteen again, did I mention how much I adored Aaron and Sarah throughout the story.

“Nothing hurts a man’s ego like hearing a pretty girl talk about all the cute guys she likes. Guys who are not him, that is”
― Johan Twiss, 4 Years Trapped in My Mind Palace

If you think I’ve oversold this book or you think I just talk too much, five stars and go out and get it because I’ll have to buy a physical copy myself and I’m about to spoil some of it. Is there anything that I don’t like about this book… *crickets chirp*, *tumbleweed drifts by* ahem okay so I’ll save that for the end huh.

The book has several Forrest Gump moments, as Aaron is inserted into pivotal moments in Solomon’s past and it comes out when both JJ and Big Tom compare Aaron to the person that helped Solomon and them as well, mind blown. There are grown women that need to be more like Sarah, I mean come on, a guy that always listens, thinks you’re the most beautiful thing ever, and is willing to do anything, even learn how to talk; a friend of mine and I agree that guys will literally do anything for a pretty girl which makes the ending even more spectacular. There are too many moments between Solomon and Aaron that I enjoyed so maybe another great scene I’ll leave with is the Valentine’s Day dance, so sweet.

Okay, I’m slightly annoyed that now I’m going to have to look up some jazz on Youtube, Blue In Green or how about that Jack Dempsey fight? The idea that I read the first book and was wondering how I was going to spend this title and now I’m stopping myself from typing awesome about a thousand times like doing a term paper in school. Speaking of school, perhaps that’s the only flaw, that ever so slightly I felt like I was reading some historical narrative I suppose but only really comes out at the end as Johan Twiss attempts to explain himself, like telling a joke but then having to explain it, I get it and there is so much he is trying to say and didn’t want to tick off the history buffs.

Five stars anyway but now the bar has been set, the first book he sent was a solid three but I went one higher because… anyway if I become a fan of Johan Twiss, two points is a line, three points a pattern, usually singers have to get me to like five songs, an author has to get five stars but shall I dare call myself a fan? This book hooked me, from start to finish and what higher praise is there that I want a physical copy for my traditional library, anyway I didn’t want Aaron to be stuck like that forever but really Four More Years, Days, Pages.

“Kid, some things in life just are what they are because God allows it to be so. Maybe we’re not meant to know all the answers. Maybe we’re not ready for them yet. Knowing them now won’t change a thing, and trying to figure it out will just take up our time and leave us with more questions. I’m old, and I don’t have much time to waste. I prefer to live life as it comes, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll get the answers to my questions after I die”
― Johan Twiss, 4 Years Trapped in My Mind Palace

 

 

Lesson 101 ~Sometimes I Love You~

Sometimes it’s smart to keep my mouth shut when it comes to women, especially a woman I haven’t even found yet, maybe she would think I’m insane. “Sometimes I Love You”, and better she never knows but then again as the song goes more than words.

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Lesson 101 ~Sometimes I Love You~

Dear Future Wife,
Sometimes I love you for not making me say it; it’s not that I don’t, it’s not that I don’t want to, need to, if anything I want to believe that those three words matter but they’ll be lost. How can they be lost, I love your inquisitive mind but again it might be too much, just too damn much somedays and I want to say I’m sorry right off the bat.

“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” Love Story

You leave me breathless, that much is true, but sometimes it’s going to be them and no I don’t mean other women… I mean people in general. There will be days when I love you is just me finding my way to the bed we share rather than wanting to be alone. It might be when my voice gives out from singing so loud that my voice gives out, drowning in so many cruel words.

“But everyone knows that a man ain’t suppose to cry, listen.
I gotta cry ’cause cryin’ eases the pain, oh yeah.
People this hurt I feel inside, words can never explain.”
I Wish It Would Rain, by The Temptations (1967)

If I allow you to ever see me like that then is that love or what and it’s okay you don’t have to say anything either because sometimes I don’t have faith in words, yes this coming from a writer you made your husband. You might not hear me, as much as I mutter, and with that inquisitive mind you might want to ask questions, I might even be afraid to answer; the truth will set you free… of the mortal coil. I’m not a drinker, of course, you know that but if I ever pull out a glass or decide to fire up the PS3 or PS4, god knows what number we’re on now, I will return to you a better man and you’re more than welcome to wait.

I’ve left you waiting for a while I think because I’m still looking for the words and “I Love You” let’s just say those words came to soon, too late or were simply wasted and I never would with you, with us, I think the dog will attest to that. They will even be a day I’ll love you for bringing those words out of me as only you can, for being “the air that I breathe” as the song goes from The Hollies, remember.

How I love how you sing to me and you love when I talk to you and believe me when I say, that it is never a sometimes I love you between us, it’s an always unless the following girls walk by just kidding unless… okay, for letting me be me, sometimes I love you because you make me better.

Lesson 084 ~Fingers Crossed, Zombie Apocalypse~

“And I’ve been waiting for this moment for all my life, Oh Lord”, that’s sort of sad, as sad as “the dreams in which I’m dying, are the best I’ve ever had”, I think the apocalypse may need a better soundtrack “Fingers Crossed, Zombie Apocalypse”

Saturday, September 23, 2017

Lesson 084 ~Fingers Crossed, Zombie Apocalypse~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear because I wouldn’t want to get my hopes too high again, as the song goes, “it’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine”. Isn’t it strange that when it’s just me I’m the most afraid yet with the general population I’m actually quite excited for an ending if anything?

“It’s Hebrew, it’s from the Talmud. It says, “Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire.”” Itzhak Stern, Schindler’s List

It’s like driving in the rain you know, when I drive on any normal day there is anxiety but since I’ve faced death in my old car on more than one occasion it doesn’t bother me but the rain makes everybody else just a little bit slower and I’m a little bit faster. This is how I always imagine the world ending, seeing as how I feel I have never been meant for this world, but with the countless times I have survived attempting to take my own life, getting by without family or friends, I think I’ll be better at the end. Only today is not the end, truthfully I’ve been too lazy to look up the reasoning behind it, another song from “The Leftovers” let the mystery be.

If you did ask me what I want, I mean besides the zombies if I knew indeed that the world is going to end, I think I would want to be someone’s first pick, to be honest. I was talking to “Indiana Gone” last night and she says something like, “we can hang out if you want”, texting sometimes… Anyway, I got the distinct impression I was her second choice of things to do and really who am I to complain. “Seeking a Friend for the End of the World” I might have to make that a rule but while I love Braxton like pancakes, I’m still looking for that one person that… believes, wants, needs, loves me, your pick.

“I promise not to steal anything if you promise not to rape me.

Agreed.” – Seeking a Friend for the End of the World (2012)

New Year’s Eve I figure I’m going to do better, during these “Sapphire” days I figure I might accomplish something, one time when I tried to overdose on NyQuil capsules (puked green for a week) I went and got Taco Bell (unrelated) brought a fancy glass and started popping pills while I watched “Private Practice” my perfect night back then.

“What are you doing?

Guys, what would you wish you’d done before you died?

Paint a self-portrait.

Build a house.

And you?

I don’t know. Turn the wheel now, come on!

You have to know the answer to this question! If you died right now, how would you feel about your life?

I don’t know, I wouldn’t feel anything good about my life, is that what you want to hear me say? Fine. Come on!

Not good enough.” Fight Club

So what have we learned today, that times change how I want to see the last night of my life but I doubt it will be tonight, that me dying sucks but watching the world, I guess as long as it’s not “The Road” is okay, and I hope to see you tomorrow Lu but again Fingers Crossed, Zombie Apocalypse.

“Tonight’s your big night. Are you ready for it?… Are we ready for it?” – Finch, V for Vendetta (2005)

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 068 ~See Who, The Oracle~

Hopefully, I’ll have something else to tell you, a good past for once and an uncertain future which is why this is nothing new, I’ll be indisposed hopefully living a dream. “See Who, The Oracle” if only someone actually saw the future

Thursday, September 7, 2017

Lesson 068 ~See Who, The Oracle~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear that I am back again so soon my dear, I don’t know if I can set this for tomorrow or today but it has to be done given certain events that I’m not even sure of yet. Things I do know are that I’ll probably have no time to fill you in but my sister’s birthday might work but until that day we can only speculate and I don’t want to, beats the past right?

Yes, I’m going to talk about the past, so where was I on this day, a year ago… I remember watching “The Twilight Saga: Eclipse” with “Okay”, just when I think I’m becoming a better man. Speaking of being a better man, that was also the day I took “Indiana Gone” to the movies, the first time it an amazingly long time I actually was out with anyone. We came back to my place, ate pizza watched “Secret Girlfriend”, “Repo Men” and “Extreme Movie” and I tell you this Luna because I don’t want to forget that day ever. Also, we weren’t even speaking you and me, an oversight on my part to be sure.

“You make me want to be a better man.” As Good as It Gets (1997)

I don’t see it happening Lady Lu, I keep saying I’m going out there, I’m fighting the fight and yet the world continues as so. If my mother could have predicted the man I would be today… maybe she would have tried harder, talk about where I get my fighting spirit from. If I was blessed with a gift of prophecy, well chances are I would have finished what I started so many years ago I think. Of course, we have last year which for the most part put every other day like this to shame, even if I were a lecher to a degree.

“High school is a lot like prison: Bad food, high fences; the sex you want, you ain’t gettin’, the sex you gettin’, you don’t want. I’ve seen terrible things.” – Luther, The New Guy (2002)

So what am I hoping for this year, what will we not be talking about today because I’m going to be busy, getting busy, highly doubtful but have I not already done what I think is impossible which is pretty much all the hopefulness you will be getting out of me? Would you like to be my oracle rather than my therapist, one of these days I need a real wish list or rather a bucket list right, an inkling?

What will I learn tomorrow, what dreams may come, that I can become a better man, a man that I can stand to look at maybe, See Who, The Oracle.

I Will Have No Fear

Bravely Lit

It’s getting around that time and I’m sure I have my picture, my name, hell probably a police file, I can pretty much guarantee my name is in lights and will be but not in any flattering away and I am always chasing the light aren’t I. “Bravely Lit”.

Don’t sing, don’t wish, don’t say
because I have, on all the stars
but they still seem so far
and the cake is melting.
Were you trying to compete with the sun
I’m on the run

fam with every reason to stay
and that’s why I get high.
Those neon lights are in my sight,
only I want “Easy Street”
where I spread my love and fly
to know that I’m alive

I’ll make some days, always
From “how does that look daddy”
I’ll sing let’s see
while the police fingerprint me
I won’t lie about this
No not to my kids

when under fluorescent lights I’ll lay
with doctor’s asking what’s my age again.
The lights from where I been
don’t follow me six feet
So today, teach me to be brave
blow out the candles, a few more to the grave

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Lesson 065 ~Give Up, Get Off~

Well, why do men do most things, take a chest full of gold, world domination, for me you could put Jennifer Lawrence at the finish line… though I would take all three honestly. Give Up, Get Off, I’ve done one and I am trying not to do the other

Monday, September 4, 2017

Lesson 065 ~Give Up, Get Off~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear… no shame, no pride, no real movement but there is a belief, there is faith, suppose I see why the Christians do it, though it’s a lot easier when you’re not threatened. Don’t worry, I’m not about to go on some political tirade or talk about such and such from Columbine, today’s lesson is about giving up, and getting off.

“Sometimes, when you win, you lose.
Sometimes when you lose, you win.” – Annie Nielsen, What Dreams May Come (1998)

Biology maybe, not just these lustful urges but how I have given up so many things in my life and I’m sure I could come up with a million at excuses, and while I may be somewhat of a pop culture whore, YOLO. You only live once isn’t that what they all say and even if I do something those million times out of pleasure (don’t flatter myself right) what is so wrong with feeling good for a while? Especially when it helps with the thinking process, so maybe tomorrow my world will be looking a lot better or so I am trying, and I should be grateful, I am.

“First you have to give up, first you have to *know*… not fear… *know*… that someday you’re gonna die.” – Tyler Durden, Fight Club (1999)

The choices that people have to make every day and for the most part I dealing with only first world problems and the devil’s luck. You know how I have been trying to talk more my lady but what if I had yesterday; what was I supposed to say to the cashier “excuse me but you gave me too much money” I made nearly a hundred bucks for keeping my mouth shut, perhaps that was karma for helping out a friend. I’m no millionaire like Joel Osteen but I actually felt pretty bad when I wouldn’t even donate a dollar to the Hurricane Harvey Relief, probably shouldn’t have said that.

If anything that brings up another interesting point, not a day goes by when I’m not flooded with petitions, causes I believe in, authors asking for my opinion after reading some of my reviews, the list goes on. Have I ever said I wanted to save the world, I know I probably have said I’m more the villain but does it make you the villain to know you can’t save everyone, maybe just don’t look?

“It’s the worst. It ain’t fair, but you can’t kill yourself. Sometimes you’ve just got to let go and let God take care of it. You’ve got to accept it.” – Lester, John Q (2002)

 

What have we learned today, I might get off but I haven’t given up, I’m grateful to be me and not them strangely enough and before you label me a complete louse I put up my money to save three and I think that should be enough for now I think; Give Up, Get Off.

“I came here to save my wife and my two children and… seven billion lives… it’s too much. I just hope I’m, I’m smart enough and brave enough to save three.” Serge Leveque, The Core

I Will Have No Fear

Rut On Earth

Every day is exactly the same as the song goes but that isn’t always a bad thing, especially when you’re living with anxiety, you know just how much energy you’re going to need, you can put one foot in front of the other “Rut On Earth”

The sun can only dig so far
while the other stars play big wigs
Having so many promises to renege
upon they say what they are,
job creators, they are those kings, czars
giving me this full-time gig
asking me why I never studied trig.
How bizarre

that it doesn’t hurt
I suppose Atlas is used to the abuse
Walking, running, these combat boots
Don’t run in the grass, or play in the dirt
and if you see a pretty girl in a skirt
pretend I was one of those deaf-mutes
though the point is probably moot
Nowadays it’s a concert,

left, right, repeat, but what
if there was a way not to be a slave
to the rhythm to live brave,
nut up or shut up
Only the ground has become a slut
for punishment and how depraved
is it for me to dig my own grave
one day and a time, a rut?

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.