Tag: Life

Lesson 064 ~What A Wonderful Rut~

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I see empty roads, not a person true, okay excuse me for trying to rewrite a song but it truly was a beautiful world with no people in it, not the usual state of things but it’s our routine to walk in the morning Braxton and I. “What A Wonderful Rut”

Sunday, September 3, 2017

Lesson 064 ~What A Wonderful Rut~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear and don’t call it a comeback, or God’s plan the way I live my life, and what some would call a rut I would sing What A Wonderful World. Not all sunshine and lollipops, but they’re not all they’re cracked up to be either and I could all be doing better I suppose, I am by no means satisfied but comfort is doing any favors.

I should probably make a new rule just for that, seems I’ve been getting lazy, you should have seen me yesterday but I am finding my writing voice again to a certain degree, just too bad you haven’t seen much of that here yet. What this is only the third day, I wonder how long the pilgrims stayed on the boat, what about Martin Luther King Jr. might have been comfortable just being a small town preacher. Some yes some people might indeed call it a rut but maybe it’s just “prudent planning” and it’s not like anyone is telling me to remake the world?

I suppose you have to imagine what God’s typical day must have been like for him to go about creating this Sims universe, at first it’s pretty exciting, then you’re Johnny on the spot having to micro manage everything, then you’re letting the world run itself and finally you go all “Mortal Kombat” with your death scenarios or you’re just watching it burn for the Hell of it. Today I imagined paradise as Braxton and I walked along watching a world gone to rapture, just let me keep Braxton and maybe I should get an engineering degree and we would be just fine. No, my dear Lady Luna I want to be a writer but to be fair I never went to school for that either and any real writing I did even left me in the counselor’s office or gave me the juvenile blues, and now I’ve grown up.

Yes, of course, I say that but handling responsibility doesn’t make you a grown up or a man, we do what we have to and repeating the same thing over and over, does that count as practice or downright insanity. Call it what you will with my life or my survival, the fact remains at least I’m still here right?

So what I have learned today, is that in a way I want it that way, with a few tweaks so, What A Wonderful Rut.

 

Lesson 063 ~New World’s Price Tag~

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Porn Star’s good graces $250.00, a new website $80.00, being nice $500.00, my dog’s life, priceless, though that’s not entirely true, keeping him healthy and groomed and I’ve been able to handle everything so far. New World’s Price Tag

Saturday, September 2, 2017

Lesson 063 ~New World’s Price Tag~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear and nothing we can’t do without but still I can’t help but imagine the possibilities, all the things that you could have done, should be doing and will be at some point. Suppose I still have the ability to surprise myself from time to time, buying into this world or at least it’s people maybe.

“What’s the threat? We all sell out every day, might as well be on the winning team.” They Live (1988)

I’ve never had a problem with the concept of buying a woman, no I haven’t ever been that sort of man, not for lack of trying, I mean all guys pay for it, take Valentine’s Day for example, though that’s not a popular sentiment in any case. I consider myself a simple man to a certain degree like I told “Indiana Gone” if I can live without it, I’ll save my money. I’ve had my fair share of being an idiot though, I spent money on a porn star once for her birthday, I don’t suppose I can defend myself saying that she is the perfect woman, the goddess right?

“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.” – Tony Montana, Scarface (1983)

Anyway for today’s lesson, sometimes I spend money like there is no tomorrow, I mean why not live it up right when I usually believe that the world is going to end in five minutes or less. What about the idea that we spend money on the things, on the people that we care about, and for some reason that does always come back to women for me but I’m not a total schlub? That’s why I’m so surprised, on you Lady Lu I’m still creating a place and you’re fictional along with several other women who will inhabit this world, for another, well maybe a few you can call it madness, and on yet another, a friend needs help and I give it without every be asking, I know Joel Osteen can take a lesson from this I think.

“If a man expects his woman to be an angel in his life, he first must create a heaven for her. Angels don’t live in hell.” – an unknown quote

Maybe that’s what I’m trying to figure out Luna, I mean Braxton is my son and no price is too high, though I fear the day something comes to pass where I won’t have enough to give. He’s probably the one thing on earth that I finance without an ulterior motive but then what was I thinking yesterday with my friend?

Hell, what about this place, what have I learned today, in the end, Luna, the New World’s Price Tag.

Lesson 062 ~Rome in A Day~

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If it took God six days why am I in such a rush, blasphemous, yes perhaps but compared to other crimes I’m accused of or actually did I’m quite comfortable with this one, but not at how my world is looking so far. “Rome in A Day”, so much to be seen.

Friday, September 1, 2017

Lesson 062 ~Rome in A Day~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear and don’t be mad at me, disappointed for sure but not mad, maybe frustrated, but as they say, Rome was not built in a day and here I was trying for three hours maybe less but life happens. It could always be so much worse or so I was checking my stats from our former abode, whatever was I worried about but I should be if I’m going to get somewhere, being the boss *sigh*.

Let’s just say that today I got quite the lesson in fiction but I wonder how long it actually took to build Rome, no wonder Romans grew lazy after everything was said and done. As I said things can always be worse and I’m not burning down an empire, for now, I am attempting to build and you would think I have more than enough stones. Dare I call myself a prophet for yesterday, that was me in a rush and I’m still rushing but it’s going to take time.

Everything feels brand new, I mean I’m starting from scratch trying to learn the tricks of the trade and what about my considerable resources? We’re not in any danger and actually, I’m doing a pretty good thing today or maybe I’m just being an idiot; we’ll see, won’t we? I was telling “Indiana Gone” that I cannot be sitting here a year from now without making some serious strides, not even that do I step or do I leap forward?

“There are those who take steps, and those who make the great leap forward.
Those who stay as they are and those who become more than they ever thought possible.
They discover, explore, compete and are fearless.
There are those satisfied by common pursuits.
And those for whom the extraordinary will never be enough.
So ask yourself, will you step or will you leap?” Xbox One – E3 Jump Ahead

Today has been a leap and I’m still trying to calm myself down a bit but rule number three “now the real work begins” and I can’t let up, not even a little bit, not even at all but already I’m so tired. Will I replace fear for laziness, not at all Lady Lu, I swore that I’m going to do this and that is what is going to happen.

I make myself sound so serious don’t I but haven’t I been, even if I’ve been taking things a bit too seriously but that’s what it takes to be a man. I’m going to have to get used to this too, already we don’t have the whole day but of course, the news is, I got a real website now and whatever am I going to do with it now building Rome in A Day…

Bard from Light

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Everything that can be said and not said, release the beast if we lived in such a place but with Donald Trump and others whose to know; even the written word is not safe. Bard from Light, maybe because the crazies have white rooms hmm

And we make our swords
into seven billion cages
while our flags become the pages
so that others will never know what rage is.
Love is several slamming doors

as with our eyes wide shut
we can’t live out loud.
Fahrenheit 451 and how
do we get out
one more war is never enough

when all the good men are gone, the gods, the knights
yet we can never cleanse our souls or purge
Who wants to converge
on a graveyard, but, yes ma’am, yes sir, and her
the lion sleeps tonight

So where is the light?

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Lesson 060 ~My Work Release Program~

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This is not a test but it’s also not an emergency either, however, I did have a bit of a release today a sigh of relief as of sorts but who knows what tomorrow may bring, the days of Sapphire. “My Work Release Program” no life should be a prison

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Lesson 060 ~My Work Release Program~

“You know the funny thing about morphin’? You don’t appreciate it till you can’t do it anymore!” – Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie (1995)

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear and I never thought I’d say this but work was actually liberating today and no I don’t mean my dream job but the day job for once. Of course writing is a sense of freedom which is what I told “Okay” though to be honest I’ve been terrified, still am in a way but how many times have I quoted Cypher Raige, to you Luna.

“Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity Kitai. Do not misunderstand me, danger is very real, but fear is a choice. We are all telling ourselves a story and that day mine changed.” Cypher Raige, After Earth (2013)

Work is Hell but when it’s all you know… am I grateful, money, security, indeed life as I know it, maybe it makes sense to keep my mouth shut you know? I said once it wasn’t fear that was holding me back but maybe common sense, and I don’t know where I’d be without it, embracing a fear to actually combat a danger that is quite real. My father is that danger and while I hope one day to be fearless and face that danger, I will stick with freedom.

This type of freedom at least, where would I be without it… well, it’s been sixty days since this new beginning, truth be told I wish I had kept my mouth shut, and in the days to come, I will. No, I’m not abandoning you again Luna but I’m onto bigger things, not necessarily better but bigger, if I’m ever going to get anywhere in this life. When I’m talking to you or truly writing, I don’t know whether I’m signing my own death sentence or this is truly my liberation, it could always be one in the same right?

Anyway, this is today’s lesson, work, and release; isn’t that the dominant way, you’re given power for that gift you give something in return and then let go of everything and you and yours are much better off. Maybe you just throw yourself in prison willing only to be released and what happens to most after they released, they wind up going back, easily enough.

“Thank you, but I prefer it my way.” Andre Baptiste Sr., Lord of War (2005)

Sometimes you hang on to something so long, you forget how liberating it can be to just let go, if anything it depends on the thing but I got a lesson in that today, not to mention I’m getting older. My mom would tell me I have a tendency to take my “grievances” out on those who never erred, and I agree to a certain extent, that’s not right but we talked about the experience.

For example, I was so angry with someone today, maybe I was just tired and hot, and hell I’ve been on edge as of late. So anyway I’m leaving, and just sitting in my car and this person says I dropped my shirt, seriously that was it, I said thank you, went and retrieved my shirt from the street and all my anger just left, okay I was cooling and resting but environment considered, I made the choice to let my anger go. Why was it so easy, time heals all wounds… ten minutes sheesh, that’s like a record for me, and the world didn’t end, of course, there is always tomorrow, the day after?

“Oh, life is like that. Sometimes, at the height of our revelries, when our joy is at its zenith when all is most right with the world, the most unthinkable disasters descend upon us.” – Ralphie

That’s the problem isn’t it, the moment you let go, the moment you think the lion sleeps is when you become grade A beef. Talk about having some beef right, but if it helps any wasn’t Facebook started because a guy had a grudge and why do you think so many horror movies are just monsters with axes to grind or trying to live again? How would it feel if everyone just let all that “energy” go, why do you think that society spends so much trying to numb us?

We are given the energy to work, and when we’re finished, whatever lives inside of us, I don’t know, but as they say, hearts were given cages for a reason, and brains are surrounded by white walls. I don’t think I’m alone in my reasoning but that’s part of the reason I’m here talking to you because what people think.

Anyway I am breathing a bit easier, can’t get soft though, can’t think everything is okay and at the moment the tea is helping, I’m becoming a big tea drinker now. This is yet another one of those times though I wish I could be a typical guy, sports, drinking, women, yet another reason I’m a writer… seriously am I even starting to write all these reasons down at all.

As I said I’m getting older but not much has changed, when I was back in school, I’d do whatever, then come back and just pass out, sleep has always been my number one go to, except for “Senseless” but that only lasted a day. What would it truly be like to just let go of everything, sleep just puts it on the backburner and here’s another thing if I let it go today it will still be there tomorrow because people are people. Maybe it’s not so much me letting go than being Atlas and the world just keeps getting bigger and bigger and when you drop it, the consequences, how to cope 101.

A prisoner is released and finds that there is no longer a place for him, not trying to sound like those late night/early morning commercials but men can no longer be men, same with women, the whole human race. The Purge doesn’t say be human it says to “release the beast”, now, of course, I’m not a villain but look at the violence, look at other methods we have to be… I don’t know to make us what passes for normal. Then we have my writing, my conversations with you that have led to everything else, so you say “I hope you feel cleansed” and do I feel that honestly?

If we’ve learned anything, after this, I’m usually tired, I feel drained and we go on to the next day, sometimes better, sometimes worse, I wish there was a better release but again I am not the typical guy. I’m just me, my life today, wish I could have done better, these papers won’t be so long after tomorrow I’m on My Work Release Program.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 055 ~Don’t Think of Elephants~

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Why isn’t the elephant, king of the jungle, at this rate, I might as well become one of those people that collect cats but as always I prefer my dog if anything he knows when to shut up? Don’t Think of Elephants, how about a mouse

Friday, August 25, 2017

Lesson 055 ~Don’t Think of Elephants~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear but more depression, I’m trying honestly I am and some moments I can zone out completely and forget and others… not to piss off the religious but my head burns so much I feel like I’m wearing a thorny crown. I should also mention I’m not breaking my rule of “Stop Crying Your Heart Out”; vanity comes to mind but there is no heart involved if anything it is sort of taking a vaccine perhaps.

“Okay, this is me, planting an idea in your mind. I say: don’t think about elephants. What are you thinking about?

Elephants?” – Inception (2010)

As the song goes Lady Lu “I Want to Be Sedated”, I’ve actually been looking up how to forget, how sad is that; don’t they say an elephant never forgets? Not that I am one for fraternities or sororities but my mother and sister both pledged and elephants are sort of their thing, that’s a fun fact I suppose for me. Anyway, the fact is the elephant in the room and you know I like animals more than most people so is that why I’m allowing myself to be crushed.

The thing is I’m not Ava Jerome (General Hospital), another rule “I Take My Own Lumps” she got burned, literally but still refuses to accept responsibility, no Lu, I take all the pain and own up but yes it can be a bit much, I just got to take it and I’ll survive until next year; hell can’t I just become a monk? The internet is one big minefield but elephant crap is quite easy to avoid and so I have but I still have to get this stink off. You know something this metaphor is working rather well, that’s something else I have thankfully been thinking about, my budding upgrades in my writing soon.

If I ever get around to it of course, at work I’m already cracking, told “Big Brother” I’ve been better and even worked an extra hour just because. Idle hands are the devil’s playthings but let’s not forget, the mind is a terrible thing to waste; where are the zombies?

Maybe it would help if I just shut up about it but I think it’s like poison, it’s a virus, you can lie down and let it rot you to the core or you can fight, and keep fighting, endure and survive. I said it before, it begins to define you, can’t say I’ve ever been a victim of racial profiling but back in school, how I kept the bullies at bay was the concept of madness, they left me alone merely on the thoughts of what I could do.

When my family cut me off a few years back I sat in an extended stay hotel, that smelt like bleach for twenty-four hours just… I don’t know, and maybe I didn’t eat or drink a thing for about forty-eight hours after. You know what happened, not a damn thing, keep in mind my parents didn’t care, I didn’t have any friends or family that could help “M Anime” is far away and Braxton was with my folks (no dogs allowed) in the place. Keep in mind Lady Lu, my father thought I was dangerous to the family, the most damage I had ever done to anyone was to myself, they were afraid and life went on for everybody else while I sat in a room for three days willing myself to just disappear completely.

“What was done to me was monstrous.

And they created a monster.” V for Vendetta

It’s like a kid who blames himself or herself for their parents, you begin to imagine that you truly are some sort of creature, omen, that you’re bad and it festers and then everybody wants to know what happened. It’s like being Tomoko from the anime “GTO: Great Teacher Onizuka” you make a mistake and then another, and another soon you can’t help yourself and it becomes your life, Tomoko has many friends though. Probably what scares me the most though is Hunter and Evie from Skye Warren’s “Wanderlust” he was framed for a crime he didn’t commit but the reputation of his crime followed.

“Nothing is wrong with me! I just don’t want to be defined by the worst thing that ever happened to me.” Max, Finding Carter (2014)

All these pop culture references, gives me a reason to search the internet; anyway my point is it is these people who call you these things, decide you’re these things, make you these things, cry foul and then live their lives in perfect contentment not once thinking of somebody that they use to know. Oh and another fact, I’ll never call one of those lifelines again, cops at the house and in less than twenty minutes I’m stuffing everything I own into my car driving to a hotel because nobody gave a shit about the elephant in the room me.

“I feel like some elephant who accidentally got assigned to the penguin house. It’s so obvious that I’m an elephant, but people keep coming up to me with a clipboard and saying, “Hmm, you know, according to this, you’re a… you’re actually a penguin.” Finding Carter (The Ever Embarrassed Elf)

The more things change the more, they stay the same, I have a few friends though only one sort of gets me, Braxton, of course, counts as family and doesn’t care what I am as long as I’m with him. For now, since I’m still out to find what I am, it doesn’t matter what they say, terrifies me I’m writing about this but I’m a writer, that is all.

“Being afraid all of the time, of forgetting somebody’s name, not, not knowing… what to do with your hands. I mean, I, I am the guy who writes down things to remember to say when there’s a party. And then, when he finally gets there, he winds up alone, in the corner, trying to look comfortable examining a potted plant.

You’re just shy, Barclay.

Just shy… Sounds like nothing serious – doesn’t it? You can’t know.” – Hollow Pursuits, Star Trek: The Next Generation (1990)

“I Will Have No Fear” right Luna if you knew how many times writing has brought me to ruin and yet I keep doing it, already I can imagine my father. The thing is everybody would have me remain that mouse in the corner, do mice really scare elephants, something to be considered. I’m writing this down right now, a reason I am a writer is that I have to deal with fewer people, however…

I guess it doesn’t matter in the end, life goes on what a headache, at least I haven’t been hearing anything from a makeshift peanut gallery. Is this why I’m writing later and later, breaking yet another rule or I’m just being lazy, work, excuses, yeah I’ll shut up, get up and write and here I am. I’ve even been avoiding reading a pretty decent book, about someone who got hurt in the past, now where have I heard that?

So what have I learned besides the fact, that I can’t get this elephant out of the room, my head and I have no intention of becoming an ivory trader? Maybe I would rather be a mouse than a man, better to be a live chicken than a dead duck but Don’t Think of Elephants.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 054 ~Not Set in Stone~

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Head splitting headache, I would get them all the time back in school because of anxiety, beats praying on the porcelain altar and I wish I could say I’ve been drinking. “Not Set in Stone”, I’m just waiting for someone to say, you blockhead

Thursday, August 24, 2017

Lesson 054 ~Not Set in Stone~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, honestly I don’t want to say I was afraid though fear is a sickness, it’s a long story so let’s call it anxiety, or if you prefer the short version, a bad headache. Things Can and/or Will Always Get Worse, another rule among many that I have come up with today but I know I’m not the only one, as the song plays on Lu.

Should I say that I’m having trouble keeping my head up, today it’s been sort of a cinder block, talk about giving people a piece of my mind if they did some stupid group activity at work? Another way to look at it is like one of those people in a mental institution, I could use something like that, on the other hand, do I really want to keep the thoughts in that are going all Andy Dufresne trying to escape. Other times it’s like a never ending echo and just as I appear to be getting better, the thoughts shoot around like a pinball.

My Lady you know I’m a simple man with delusions of grandeur and considering others, why am I so afraid, at least I don’t have naked pictures circulating, that I know of. Nobody can compare one’s pain to another but intents and purposes I think I understand some of those celebrities involved in another “Frappening”. They have the world to see them and still I look upon my own shame, not that these celebs have anything to be ashamed of, they were hacked and possibly not thinking clearly, I swear the same thread, my head.

In this day and age it’s still the Sword of Damocles hanging above all of us right, Jigsaw before Jigsaw, to be completely honest I had these problems before the Internet existed… what’s my age again? Now I think everyone nowadays only prays for the next scandal to take off the spotlight, sink or swim in a way and I’m telling Rose to let me on that damn door ha.

When I was in the sixth grade I fell for this girl the “Iron Maiden” she had cancer once upon a time but anyway, before the digital age I was still playing the young poet.

So I intended to woo her, it would take days, a week or two but I wrote her letters and played my own messenger saying I was acting on behalf of someone else, which I would in high school actually for other “gentlemen”. Of course, I let my biology get the best of me and rushed revealing myself and let’s just say, humiliation ensued so when a guy like Roosh V says to imagine the worst case scenario and it won’t be that bad… wrong because I’ve lived through it over and over. It’ll go away but that’s what I thought was supposed to be good about aging, that you forget sooner, geez Luna why am I still thinking about this? Isn’t that today’s lesson that things are not set in stone and yet with college files, the internet, and everything else, it’s always there.
How about if we look at this from the other side, remember the first Frappening with Jennifer Lawrence and you know I’m a fanboy there, without question. I’m a bad man Luna no denying that and I felt so bad for her, I mean after all she was a victim, but that didn’t stop me from collecting all the pictures that I could. She’s ashamed the pictures got out and they are going to be there forever, scour the internet clean, how many hard drives still have those pictures. It’s easier when you’re the one doing the burning and the salting and when it’s not you grin and bear it wondering what people think of you and when it comes to Jennifer, I liked her before, I like her now.

“Six hours ago, I was ready to give my life for you. Do you know what has changed in the last six hours?

No.

Nothing.” – The Matrix Revolutions (2003)

My point is Lu that while our feelings can change, some things clearly are set in more than stone that can’t be erased and we simply must live with them, that’s why a bunch of stupid notes are still at my old school and people have pictures of Jennifer Lawrence’s boobs all over the place.

How about all those Confederate monuments, German people are ashamed of the Nazis but Americans celebrate them and the Confederacy. Speaking of celebrations, you know I couldn’t leave out “Sapphire” you know what that stone represents right and it’s coming faster now, I hate it.

Some things need to be torn down, destroyed but you know I would never ever say that about words, from my own writing to others because this is not Fahrenheit 451 or Newspeak. What about the walls in my own mind, this has been a time of my great fear, happens every year and now I’m just holding out to the end of the month, maybe I’ll forget more, be more open and everything else. For now, my feet are like lead but my will is iron, and write now the stones that have hurt me will help build up my blog all the more, hopefully, less depressing, big dreams.

As far as Sapphire is concerned, I remember high school, nearly on the day another person, a teacher tore me apart, yet another reason I hate the coming Sapphire. “Indiana Gone” is doing her best, I might try to have “Gospel Girl” over, and “Okay” well I hope she is, to be honest. I should truly take stock and be grateful for everything that I have, every year it surprises me, I’m still around here.

So what have I learned today other than the fact that it ain’t my heart it’s my damn head that’s heavy that I am living just not to think… does that make me a Trump supporter? Stone is nothing compared to what remains of us but it’s still there but we would do well to remember Luna our lives, all we are in this place is Not Set in Stone.

Lesson 053 ~An A Musing Line~

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Stay in line, keep your place, single file, being a fan somewhat of the Sith, Empire, First Order, Saviors, and others I can’t say that order is a bad thing, knowing your place and all. An A Musing Line, yeah I want to know where I’m going.

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Lesson 053 ~An A Musing Line~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear… well, not much anyway but the day is still going strong and as I found out “Inspiration Doesn’t Need A Map”, yes just one more new rule in a long line. Sure the straight and narrow path may keep us safer but there is so much more to life and from the looks of it I might still have a long one, now to do.

Other than worry I mean, today feels a bit better than yesterday and that was better than the day before that. It’s not too often I get those visions of things that could be; today I was like any other parent with the exception of my kid being on a leash, while all the two legged kids made their way to the bus stop. If things were better but here I am actually collecting bottle caps like something out of the Fallout franchise, I’m screwed.

Anyway, about today’s lesson, I’ve never been one for a quick witty line but more always know your way out. As you can probably see Luna I’m pretty lost at the moment, same with my poetry, I have no idea what I was thinking other than that Matchbox 20 song and yes I’m still censoring myself. I suppose there is a difference between living each day as though it were your last and thinking each day might be your last.

Every day I go into work and have to ask myself, do they know, will I be punished, how long was I like that after “Senseless”? What was the last day that I was truly proud of the life I am “surviving” that’s just it isn’t it, I’m not living and I’m not alone when it comes to that necessity?

Education, the pursuit of knowledge is also but as I watched that long line of schoolchildren this morning I couldn’t help but be reminded of my own school days. What about the neighbor’s new dog, have I failed that other dog they had, this is what happens when you try to stay in line there comes a time when you just have to get out.

From what I can tell, life is just one long path, one long line, doing whatever they can to escape the grave and everybody thinks they know better. Lead, follow, or get out the way as they say but first, you have to know where you’re going and don’t tell me to fake it till you make it, that’s just another way to get lost. Personally, I don’t want to be lost anymore and while I may be paranoid that doesn’t mean people aren’t following me, hence today’s blocking activities.

I don’t know what happens next but I keep walking away, hopefully with my head up, with no worries, though that seems to be all my friends these days. I was talking to one friend this morning and when I got to such and such a part of my story she said “Well…” I completely understand that though and of course “Indiana Gone” is firmly entrenched on my side. Even in my lifestyle, it frightens me some when people and Braxton think I’m someone to be followed, my road is better off a lonely one.

Everybody else I suppose tends to agree with me on the other hand, it’s lonely at the top and if you want some confidence or inspiration for today, that’s where I’ll be, all the way up. Until then there is just one foot in front of the other and contrary to popular opinion I’m not following anybody for anything now.

The thing is though I am sick of staying in my place and I mean that in a variety of different ways, maybe that’s some of what my OCD is about, everything has its place but not me. I want to step out of line, cross the line if anything I’ll do better next time but have I learned anything?

“Don’t make my mistake, kid. Don’t follow orders your whole life. Think for yourself.” Antz

I spent my life like most of those kids, walking to the bus stop, waiting, doing what was expected of me and where did that get me, Luna, where am I? Just another guy waiting at work, towing the line, knowing my place and in turn tell me where that gets me. Again another line trying to eek out an existence, gathering the tools I need to survive, for Braxton as well, one line another.

What will my last line read and I won’t even get to write it myself; “Reasons to be a writer” will make a debut, I’m serious. Today though looks like I didn’t scare the cute redhead, of course, I don’t think she’s ever seen me before either. More line won’t hurt with some and with others, hell they don’t deserve another line, coming from me.

So what have I learned today other than some lines are better than others; some of these lines, well they just wow… Anyway, someday I’ll be the one everyone will be lining up to see maybe “An A Musing Line”.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 037 ~Is Atlas Complaining Yet~

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Say what you need to say, have I been doing that lately or just talking to talk, I guess it’s good she was reading because I would have never guessed and what did that get me really? Is Atlas Complaining Yet, what’s one more stone

Monday, August 7, 2017

Lesson 037 ~Is Atlas Complaining Yet~

Hey, Lady Lu…
No Fear, but I don’t like boats and I haven’t been on a plane in a long time, not since that stint in the military and with the ways things are going there are bigger fish to fry. The lesson today is more, the more things change the more they stay the same type of deals, because what happened today or rather yesterday is something I know I need yet another lesson in because I’m not learning.

I guess I have good news for you, she saw you, “Miss Seasons” or at least people she knows and well that’s the bad news, burn it down and salt the earth, great minds huh? The only difference here is, I wasn’t the one that went scurrying off, personally I don’t blame her one bit but it still hurts, destruction is beautiful but loss… Let’s hope there is no more of that for a while but we ran in the same circles so if others abandon us I wouldn’t be surprised if anything the question is what set her flying?

It’s sort of like Amazon too, you can’t fix the problem if you don’t know what’s wrong, but it only took two times with Amazon though I have no idea what they didn’t like. Miss Seasons is different, I did wrong, I felt bad, apologized and then… yeah, I sort of lost my mind but you always want to know what ended it. Do I really need to rehash “Senseless” or the “Harmonic War” how about “Sweetness”; as you know I’ve got plenty of issues? It’s seven billion people in the world Lu and I have alienated three, really why I am I upset over any of this at all.

“’Cause I got issues
But you got ’em too
So give ’em all to me
And I’ll give mine to you
Bask in the glory
Of all our problems” Issues

You know I’ve been on a journey of finding my voice once again and maybe the purpose is to become the person I am here to the rest of the world without the screen. I don’t think I told you about what I said at work about my music and the playlist that stops me from becoming a psychopath, remember how scared I was then?

“Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates.

At the first gate, ask yourself
‘Is it true?’

At the second, ask
‘Is it necessary?’

At the third gate, ask
‘Is it kind?’”

– a Sufi saying (all I know)

I’ve been focusing on just talking at all lately but let’s focus on Miss Seasons when we worked together, I barely spoke but if I did it was honest, always out of necessity, and she said it herself that I was kind, then we started writing and here we are.

I’m trying to go back but everything I said about her was true, I don’t spread rumors or anything and I am deeply remorseful for my actions, I was a dumbass. Was I angry at her, of course, again my fault and I can’t dispute anything about it but I could be mad, those were my feelings? Anything else, hell Luna I want to win this blogging thing, she has everything and I have nothing but I am fired up, I could publish a poetry book, should really edit my novel, success is winning, right?

Necessary, Luna my dear I think we’re all going to Hell, an apology was necessary and everything else… why am I even talking to you now? If we all were left to necessary do you know how quiet the Earth would be, how much weight would be lifted, nobody can promise that except maybe monks?

“I don’t want to be just one thing. I can’t be. I want to be brave, and I want to be selfless, intelligent, and honest and kind. Well, I’m still working on kind.” Four/Tobias, Divergent

Is it kind… beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I tell one girl she has nice boobs and she smiles, another one shuts me out, flowery words get one girl and then she sleeps with a guy that says bitch get in the car. Poetry almost got me fired, showing attraction but not stating the obvious made me out to be skeevy and worse. It’s a toss-up between not needing to be kind to anyone and not saying anything at all and being considered unkind, or being rejected, not to mention high school all I ever got was backhanded compliments from nearly everyone.

Today words are too damn light and they are supposed to be heavy, I imagine it’s fear but maybe it’s thinking about what you say.

Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me, that’s bullshit, of course, the pen is mightier than the sword is something I can get behind, for I have seen what words can do. You want to know why the world is so heavy, because with all these words being thrown here come the stones, we should build roads, like “Indiana Gone” says, “Communication” but no we get hit and we throw back, we harden our hearts, we bury our enemies, we erect caves to hide in, praying the world doesn’t come crashing down on us.

“It’s Hebrew, it’s from the Talmud. It says, “Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire.” – Schindler’s List (1993)

If I had remained silent Luna where would I be today, I would have another friend, hell would I rather have an enemy, I rather she not just walk away or fly away which is the last thing I know about her new job and all. She’s not the only one though, she won’t be because I’m not going to be silent any longer, I can’t be and if it isn’t you, it will be a book I publish or something else. If saving a life is saving the world, then what about destroying one?

Friends are so hard to come by Luna and I suspect I will be losing quite a few more in the coming days, two hundred and two now and took me less than a day to find out who I had lost. I can’t walk on eggshells anymore… yeah, I am an eggshell when I get upset, better a live chicken than a dead duck is what I’m always saying. At least we know that people are reading and if there not liking, yeah that’s something I’ll have to change, another thing I should be upset about, my book review got no likes but yeah today is about the girl.

So what have I learned today other than to stop pissing women off and that means to stop talking or control my temper? Another day that started off with such promise but at least I have the option of walking to the next but I wonder Is Atlas Complaining Yet.

I Will Have No Fear

A Word On the Monster

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Are you scared, words fall so much easier, and all monsters have their weapons, so why did I choose a pen, okay a keyboard but people have fallen because of words. “A Word On the Monster”, I’m still waiting to see him for myself but he’s coming.

So I can be the monster
because that’s what words are for
If only my head to clear
and so I fear
not a moment, a law, a farmer’s daughter

that sees me as the monster
Hockey mask, glove, or engineer
No, I will write out my fear
leaving you lying there forevermore
Close your eyes and wander

For I no longer choose to be a mere
open door
friends with the monster
that’s under my bed, an imposter
in my own life because of fear

Yes, if I can’t find a way, my dear
Whatever it takes, it would be my honor
to make my way like any monster
Life shall no longer be a chore
or anything else to fear

Let the bodies hit the floor
as the boy you leer, you jeer, you sneer, dies right here
Appears it’s time for a slaughter
We will all forget the fear
Alive again, how I will become the monster

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.