Tag: Study

Meditation 207 ~Minding My B’s&V’s Because~

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LeVar Burton said people didn’t want to foster a love of reading in kids. Now I’m 40. I read the Constitution, but… IT DOESN’T MATTER! I hate reading bills. And remembering, in 2021, the 24th was the start of B’s last week. Minding My B’s&V’s Because

Friday, January 24, 2025

Meditation 207 ~Minding My B’s&V’s Because~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… The world, Chico, and everything in it… SUCKS! The End. The start of A Beautiful Morning.

Now, before I lose all positivity today and forget to show gratitude this morning… Today, I finished “Ryan and His Beauties 2,” though the ending left much to be desired, my lady. But who am I to talk. Didn’t I write something like this when I was all into Cherry and her Mum? Only it was a lot worse. But it took my mind off things for a little bit.

Twenty minutes, seconds, or bucks of insane courage… How about words? I only need two. Thank you? For the record, I might steal that speech from What Dreams May Come:

“Thank you for every kindness. Thank you for our children. For the first time I saw them. Thank you for being someone I was always proud to be with. For your guts, for your sweetness. For how you always looked, for how I always wanted to touch you. God, you were my life. I apologize for every time I ever failed you. Especially this one”

I can rewrite it in honor of my B. But here and now, thank you, Braxton, for being my boy.

I will always be grateful.

I will always be your Dad. Because I don’t know what I will be tomorrow whenever I read the news. Last night, Sophia, I got into watching trailers for the End of the World and the End of the United States of America, and I couldn’t tell which was which; it all sort of blurred together. That reminds me, I need to schedule an eye exam as soon as possible…

However, before we get into all that I want to read for you this meme I saw once. Um ok.

“World history in one sentence. These white men are dangerous.”

Every day, whenever I turn on the TV, open the laptop, or scroll on the phone, As one of my motivations said, the proof is in the pudding. Even Ryan and His Beauties 2. Uh…

Ryan was accused of grooming Viktoria, Nathalie, and Olivia. What about Jody, Olivia’s mother? I ain’t gonna lie. The mother/daughter angle and sisters… Homer Drool…

Whatever, I shouldn’t be thinking about that. That brings me to today… What to read…

Don’t give me one more bill increase! I believe I’ll cancel my current ISP, however… There’s much to be done, like I told Inspector E in Meditation 205, “B Nights, See Virgil.” It’s driving me nuts! This is? Where was I last year? Tale 207 “To B Identified, Virgil.” Before that, my lady, there was Gospel 207, “Hell With Instructions Will.” I had no idea.

Reading about the man I was. And now I’m reading… I don’t know or want to, Minding My B’s&V’s Because

1454 Days Without B III, Day 895 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 200 ~Virgil’s Booking Today Braxton~

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If I were to become a “Book Person of Fahrenheit 451,” I’d become The Gargoyle by Andrew Davidson, The Island by Gary Paulsen, or A Different Alchemy by Chris Dietzel. And what about Braxton’s novels. For now, I’m BILLS Virgil’s Booking Today Braxton

Friday, January 17, 2025

Meditation 200 ~Virgil’s Booking Today Braxton~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… An honest one. What’s going to happen to the country, perhaps? Sadly, it’s not Yevgeny Zamyatin.

“WE?” I couldn’t tell you much about it, even if I wanted to. THEY say this was the catalyst for books like 1984 and Brave New World. And it might be my last book… Inauguration

Honestly, if I could do it all over again, my lady. My book choices have been, as the young folks say, “Sus” since December. I didn’t read anything about Christmas and the “adult narrative” as I prepared for the end. And then everything pointed to the book WE. Leave it to the Russians, Sophia. No, that’s a Trump and MAGA thing. But as for me?

What would I want to read at the end? If only I had paid more attention to Braxton instead of burying myself in books. The Friday before Braxton passed, I finished Succubus Lord 7 and started on Succubus Lord 8. If anything, I’m utterly fed up with reading anything. Everything.

No, Lady Sophia, it’s not because I have a headache and need better glasses. However, I need to reschedule my eye exam. And before that, Braxton willing, I’ll take Virgil for a PAWdicure today. The scratches on my arm are proof that he needs one. Can I be any more selfish? Well, you have to read that I have called him B again. Four years.

And that is something I never get tired of reading. Ever! How my Braxton lived…

As we edge closer to the reign of MAGA, I find myself mirroring their disdain for reading. It’s a disheartening transformation, one I never thought I’d undergo. Yet, I’m here.

The truth is, I’m struggling to keep up with Virgil’s needs. I had to search for his papers just to take him to PetSmart today. And his medication? I’m not even sure when he had his last dose. Some father!

I’m sick of reading about coupons, so I can offer Virgil some small comfort, Sophia.

The receipts from yesterday from the BBQ place I had to drive to twice because of a wrong order. And the groceries that I can barely afford. But a “man’s” gotta eat. But being online, energy shots, and Onlyfans… In the words of my generation, “MO’ MONEY! MO’ MONEY!” There are the termite, townhome, fire, and garbage people’s bills due.

Fahrenheit 451 may have the right idea. Words, Sophia? Do It! Virgil’s Booking Today Braxton

1447 Days Without B III, Day 888 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 193 ~Plan B To V~

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A Snow Day! I don’t have to go to the Day Job. My eye appointment was canceled. And 2-V was like, “You’re out of your damn mind! I’m not going out there! Even if I match!” Anything can happen! Even being positive in the “9th Circle,” huh. Plan B To V

Friday, January 10, 2025

Meditation 193 ~Plan B To V~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Of how I was happy once… Perish the thought. The last time I was close… Uh…

Is that what we’re going to talk about? Seriously! What else is there? Lady Sophia…

“Snow day! Snow day, snow day, snow day. Snow day! Anything can happen!”
Snow Day

And to think, once upon a time, I wanted to be a weatherman. No, better. A meteorologist, my lady. And this was way before I met “Weatherman” in school. I wonder what happened to that guy. He would make these weather reports in school. And if the boy told you, it was going to snow… Don’t bother getting out of bed. The boy had passion.

Lady Sophia, with all of the tales I’ve written, what happened to my passion? Dedication?

Well, I made it to the dining room table this morning. Such were my feelings of euphoria. I’m nostalgic because snow meant avoiding humiliation. School or today’s eye appointment. Ha!

I should have my eyes checked. Then, I would find happiness. I must be positive…

More like B Positive for Braxton. Hell, Virgil is white too. And apparently, the last thing I need right now is a white guy telling me what to do. How’s that for some DEI, MAGA?

Virgil is okay. The snow was a pleasant surprise. I’m all for white women… Well, all women, but today, the women that got me going… Anyway, there’s the white page.

Didn’t I enjoy Sinclair Lewis’s book? And I sampled Yevgeny Zamyatin’s novel, We. But I can’t tell you a thing about it; I was so out of it last night. And my eye doctor is a white guy. The vet that saved Braxton’s life… Memories.

So, correction. I don’t need any of MAGA, and that includes their tokens, Tim Scott, Byron Donalds, Candace Owens, etc. Telling me what to do. Schooling when there’s no school.

Aren’t I supposed to be talking about things that feel like a snow day? Honestly, the moments that give me a feeling of… Hope. I don’t know. Let’s say that gets me out of bed.

Some girl was in my lap in the backseat of a car. Ah, first time. To be chosen over air… (Cue Homer Drool). There’s watching movies with B III and his favorite girl. Or, Virgil. There’s reaching 50,000 words for NaNoWriMo. All these things give me a Snow Day feeling. And yet I smile, going nowhere. Plan B To V

1440 Days Without B III, Day 881 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 186 ~What B Reads, Virgil~

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I won’t talk about “Lord of the Flies,” “The Moonstone,” or the names of anybody that I owe or will owe. And as much as I enjoy A Different Alchemy, it’s sad. But the names and pictures of Girls On Film. And the memory of my son. What B Reads, Virgil

Friday, January 3, 2025

Meditation 186 ~What B Reads, Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… A positive story? We’re three days in, and I can show you less-than-stellar reads. Texts, Bills…

But, no. I’d never stop. Speaking of never stopping. I’ll never stop writing about Braxton.

Is it puppy love? My boy is fifteen, and the other one, V, is four. But every day, as I mark the dates on the calendar, I’m reminded of the joy of fatherhood. It’s a testament to my manhood, to my role as a father.

I like that I can go back at any time and read the novels I wrote for and with Braxton. Sophia, that’s one more thing. Another day gets me. You can see I’m trying… Positivity.

There’s another chance to love. “I Don’t Know How To Love Him,” I swear the songs Braxton sends to me as I sit here. Is he talking about myself, Virgil, or my feelings for him?

Again, there’s the Day Job.

Payday! Lady Sophia, I feel like Winston Smith here having to use Doublethink. If I’m to stay on the positive side of the line… I have a Day Job, a paycheck, and adult money. Wow!

Yesterday, as I sat there contemplating life… Not Existence? Life? It’s so hard, my lady. You know, playing Mr. Brightside. I would say, “Let’s Go Crazy.” This is day three. Remind me, Sophia, to write down B’s songs. Anyway, I was looking at expected deposits.

And so I’m looking forward to having the termite inspector in and out of the house without too much damage. And while I’m talking about music, I have Dale Carnegie’s audiobook “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living with my dystopian reading list ever-increasing somehow.

Plus, there’s when I put pen to paper. But let’s focus on somebody else. There’s always Cherry. While I enjoy reading her work, I won’t lie to you, Sophia. When I hear that ping… There’s hope that it will be a picture of her Yabbos. Pretty much any girl, actually.

Disgusting beats Depression. Does it not? So, I like working on galleries and erotic fiction. It’s another testament because some of these girls have dozens of pictures to their name. B III has hundreds, meaning organizing would take me much longer. Love over Lust, Hmm.

But aren’t I trying to keep it in my pants? And Kindle is all sorts of confused. Am I being liberal or libertine with my reading? What B Reads, Virgil

1433 Days Without B III, Day 874 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 179 ~B’s Blaming Bills Virgil~

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I still have Netflix. And since I’m paying, what am I watching? The Six Triple Eight? Squid Game? Uh… I’ve seen The Book of Clarence how many times? A man with no money, no woman, listening to white people. Ah, Christmas! B’s Blaming Bills Virgil

Friday, December 27, 2024

Meditation 179 ~B’s Blaming Bills Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Better yet, I should read you a bill for this Christmas. Some are for books, okay.

But the biggest one at the moment will require me to get off my keister and head to the bank on this rainy afternoon. I could have done it this morning… And if my keister or another part of my anatomy was worth more. On Onlyfans? I swear, Lady Sophia.

https://onlyfans.com/1455686321/willyswants

Publishing books… Haven’t I said I want to do that too. The only reason I got up from my nap at 1:00 PM is because of M Anime. She wanted to see my story… our story. The one from her nightmare. Nightmare At The Meat Market. The things I think about women, dear Sophia. And what I think about myself as a man. Will anything change with the new year? Besides existing in dystopian fiction…

I want to buy either the next book or existing under a Trump Presidency. No wonder I’ve been a lot more liberal with my words. Or should I say conservative? Haven’t I brought this up before? When it’s Mr. Nasty time on X/Twitter, I get a lot of ads from Elon Musk and MAGA. Makes you wonder. My other page is much cleaner, give or take the occasional wrestler… Here’s looking at you, Roxanne Perez, and Piper Niven. Or my nostalgia for Final Fantasy. The good ole days when I was only writing poetry, Sophia.

But that’s not paying the bills either. And since my 40th E-Day, what have I done? I canceled one bill for the man who’s paying most of them. For shame

At times, I feel like I’m not living up to the expectations of a man. Duh! Instead, I’m a burden, a bill that no one should have to pay for.

Only, I’m here. It’s what I tell everyone, Lady Sophia. I take up Space. I don’t Hold Space as Clarence’s mom told him. I could do what I do in the ground. Now that’s dark.

But something must be in the black because it’s not my bank account ever. I’d rather have the black in something… Eww! Do I ever stop? Did Braxton ever stop eating? Twice. Once on his birthday. And it’s the saddest I’ve ever seen him. Full and fat finally but depressed.

The second time… Nope! I haven’t cried today. I need to see the cost of existing. B’s Blaming Bills Virgil

1426 Days Without B III, Day 867 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 172 ~Virgil, There’ll B Christmas~

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Any GOOD Christmas stories? I’m not trying to be an ungrateful SOB. My Olds are upper middle class. But when I think of Christmas… I’ve watched A Christmas Story with B. Chinese with his Aunt, Pokémon Stadium from my Ma. Virgil, There’ll B Christmas.

Friday, December 20, 2024

Meditation 172 ~Virgil, There’ll B Christmas~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… A Christmas Story? Nah. That’s one more tradition trashed. And I can’t even blame Trump there.

You know how they once played the movie for twenty-four hours straight. Do they still?

Anyway. I will blame MAGA for not getting my Christmas FREEK on. What there was romance in Brave New World. And Winston and Julia in 1984. And what about today…

More Books! More Books! And not Christmas gifts? What about proper food? I said that? When I’m still trying to get M Anime to take off her clothes. Albeit with a bit more subtlety. And what about presents for my boys? What about Braxton’s Aunt, Cherry, and M Anime anyway? And where would I get these gifts from without being a sell-out, Lady So? Walmart, Amazon, big corporations, and the smallest places are all decked out for Christmas, Lady Sophia.

What about myself? We were supposed to be talking at 4:00 AM, but here we are at 7:50 AM. It didn’t help that around 6:30 AM, the most Christmasy thing I did was EDGING for girls in their Christmas finery. Or at least wearing red. I didn’t white it out.

Actually, black or BLACKED is my current kink at the moment. But I’m not spending any money on it, thankfully. And I’m trying to stay away from Onlyfans. And as far as my Wish List? I’ll save that for tomorrow. That is if I remember. I’m forgetting yesterday’s humiliations still. The Day Job, which I hate and apparently can’t do either. And I’m still ashamed. But having balls, reading books, and the boy I lost…

No! None of those are Christmas stories, Lady Sophia. And honestly, Sophia, besides reading dystopian fiction and my ever-draining bank account, I’ve been going over M Anime’s messages. Audio, since she had a work accident. And fantasizing over Cherry’s words.

I swear that woman could get more money out of me than my Old Man did. Ten dollars for an Amazon raffle. And I don’t expect Wednesday to be much fun. But I won’t starve.

Then again, who knows. Because instead of telling you my desires, I have to pick and choose what we’ll have in the fridge and the pantry before then. Sixty simoleons. It’s a bit tight, and I could use some support.

Whatever! If I’m lucky. And seeing as how my Old Man called… I’ll still be alive? Virgil, There’ll B Christmas.

1419 Days Without B III, Day 860 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 165 ~Virgil, Braxton’s Reading What~

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I noticed Kindle kept track of my reading on September 6, 2020. According to them, I read 23 books. B III didn’t live to see the following September. But I have a feeling he’s still here. I need to clean up my reading. Virgil, Braxton’s Reading What.

Friday, December 13, 2024

Meditation 165 ~Virgil, Braxton’s Reading What~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… I was asleep, the end. It’s 9:30 AM. So far, I’ve read clocks and bank statements.

Is this how Braxton felt anytime I started reading anything at all? My little Gaston.

No, Sophia, that wasn’t one of Braxton’s nicknames. But I did have a wild night of sleep, dreaming of Disney Princesses and OTHERS. I know, Eww! My dreams are making up for my lack of Christmas Romances this year. Though Brave New World has a bit of bedroom action… I can’t say I wouldn’t have behaved as Bernard did. And John not having Lenina… Sophia, I was going to say something, awfully MAGA. Again, Eww!

And that’s why I’m on this dystopian shtick. Is it any better than reading romances?

That’s one more reason I’m late this morning. A picture is worth a thousand words. Violet Myers and Bang Bros.

Sophia, I swear M Anime told me a dream she had about wearing one of these Oktoberfest outfits. But when Violet did it, they called it Oktoberbreasts. And to think I’ll never make it as a writer. Eric Vall, Logan Jacobs, Michael Dalton, Jack Pinkhunter…

Sophia, when I’m not looking at existence as a musical or a rock opera, it’s some HARDCORE movie, if you catch my drift. Or it’s my personal Hell. Everything hurts.

Honestly… I don’t know what that lady’s sign read; I was too busy thinking like some skeevy director or writer. And didn’t I read the grocery bill yesterday? Real food…

Whatever. As long as Virgil ain’t starving. I should read a book on dog training. But Braxton didn’t need one.

A newspaper to the behind… Those were dark days, Lady Sophia. So’s my reading list.

I need to finish Brave New World today. Depending on who you ask, Kindle vs Goodreads, I’ve completed 52 books this year. And I’m about to waste even more money.

What comes next, Lady Sophia? I WANT to read Satan’s Sorority Girls 8 and Ryan and His Beauties 2. I wish I could lean into tradition for Christmas. But again, I’m reading about the world I have to look forward to. 1984, Fahrenheit 451, It Can’t Happen Here, and others. And what of my writing? It’s been a struggle, and I feel like I’ve wasted another twenty-nine dollars. So yeah

Inevitably, I’ll be broke if my Old Man keeps texting. I see why dogs don’t read. Virgil, Braxton’s Reading What

“For in much wisdom is much grief, and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow.” Ecclesiastes

1412 Days Without B III, Day 853 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 158 ~B’s Reading Room Virgil~

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I don’t think I read anything besides the Day Job schedule today. At least I still have one in comparison to the two brothers I know. The lady said get to work. They didn’t read the room. Rooms come and go like some books, ha… B’s Reading Room Virgil

Friday, December 6, 2024

Meditation 158 ~B’s Reading Room Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… But I’m not in My Library/Braxton’s Room. I still prefer a Study to a Man Cave.

The Den is a room I haven’t seen in a while. Speaking of being in the wrong room one day…

The Day Job Training Room:
So I’m sitting, well, training… Weekly Wins and Ads, etc. I was also writing a list of signs one of the managers wanted to make. So, the manager came into the office without realizing I was in the training room. She and a few others talked about firing a couple of “brothers” for… not working. Lady Sophia, I was there when she warned them about it. So I can’t blame her for it. But still, I can’t help but feel sorry for my fellow black men. Their removal wasn’t racist or rushed. They didn’t read the room. My people, Sophia…

“Are you illiterate, n-word? You can’t read between the lines?

But what is this bedroom telling me? Receipts, tags that shouldn’t be removed, and my morning cappuccino isn’t as rejuvenating as I hoped it would be. Rich and flavorful, Ha.

Rich Men Make Room For:
More Money! More Money! Because I want to be part of the problem. If I had my way, Lady Sophia, I would be the whole problem. Why? I Wanna Be Rich. How about not starving? Didn’t I say something about that yesterday? But that’s because I’m broke. How about now? This isn’t boycotting Chick-fil-A because of the LGBTQ community, Sophia.

I’m not supposed to shop at Walmart because of their stance on DEI. I support DEI. I should cancel my Amazon subscription. I need to leave X/Twitter. Read the room.

Lady Sophia, it would beat reading the rap sheet. It turns out the criminals I know aren’t so smooth. I read about one group of criminals: Trump, Musk, MAGA, Racists… It’s a reflection of our society. Isn’t it? We’re doomed.

Inevitable that the ones who do crime, not in “plain sight,” would get theirs’s someday.

Room For One More Online:
Let’s just say I’m glad I learned a bit about Crypto. I use a fake email. And I should really start using a VPN for more than just P***hub. I’m not defending the criminals. But like anyone from MAGA, I’ll willingly ignore the dignity of others, wallow in degradation, and be disgusting if it justifies my deep depravity. I spent hours writing a book on much worse. But publishing such for B’s Reading Room Virgil.

1405 Days Without B III, Day 846 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Episode 275 ~But Will I Love~

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I hate my day job so I’m always ready to run out of there but I love my writing, and that’s why I’m sitting here at, what time is it; and of course I wouldn’t leave the right woman, won’t go getting tired of her. “But Will I Love”

Tuesday, April 2, 2019

Episode 275 ~But Will I Love~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, well movie seats are getting comfier. I can’t say that buying furniture is my forte. One day I should give it a chance. I’m always tired, and B III has a bunch of cozy spots. I’d make falling in love easier.

“THEY,” say it took everything for Malcolm X to kneel before Allah. My backside still hurts from being knocked to my knees before the altar. (Why I don’t believe in spanking children; another story). The fear though. I was scared I would hurt Triple B being on his level. I was terrified that I wasn’t enough when I got down on one knee for you. For now, with our other kids, I know I don’t have all the answers. Scraped knees, falling ice cream cones. You know how I am cleaning. Still, while I want to be the dad that reads to them every night, I again worry. You know maybe this is why Santa only does it once a year, getting the big plush chair. His suit made for more than warmth. You know I hope you’re sitting down for this one. The truth is simple and like most truths offensive. LOVE IS EXHAUSTING.

Is that a mean thing to say? I don’t love my Day Job that’s why it sucks having to take breaks. I was ready to yell at my boss, so I wasn’t “having a seat.” I hate that sound of my knees cracking as I’ve been there so long. Love is when I kneel to pet B III. When I hold him in bed as he cries because I don’t know what else to do. Every refilled dish, rubbing his belly, playing the monster when he wrestles with his toys. Again being the father who knows someday the kids won’t need me to read to them. How about being told to sit in waiting rooms for a variety of reasons. Don’t let the kids be like me. Trips to Disney and Universal, did I tell you I hate Space Mountain?

Standing beside you was simple. In comparison looking back how lazy was I when you brought our kids into the world. Such is the strength and courage it took to hold them. There are some jobs, privileges, and honors a person can’t fail. To be weak, to not be perfect. I hold no delusions about myself, but I still cleaned for hours. I don’t want to be sick. I have my real work, my reading, and writing. It’s incredible you read as much as me. Saturday’s we still lie here listening to “Nuclear Pop.” As if I’m living in those days of “The Cold War.” I have to shut myself away from you and the kids in my; not Man Cave. I will forever be a traditionalist, my Study. What did I say; furniture shopping?

What is it “THEY” say about good deeds? I Love You; kids can be a pain in the behind. One kid has fangs. You needn’t ask But Will I Love?

I Will Have No Fear