Tag: History

Chronicle 071 ~Some Candles B Lit~

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I’m 100% Pro-Choice and Anti-Book Burning. Unless it’s my words, then burn it all. Not Braxton’s story, because he is the only one worth writing about. Now seeing the end of Emergence Week and the humiliations, I avoided, mostly. “Some Candles B Lit”

Friday, September 10, 2021

Chronicle 071 ~Some Candles B Lit~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now because I’m “carrying the fire.” I don’t think I’m ready to read The Road quite yet.

With all the storms that have made their way through, I haven’t ended up reading in the dark. Well, you know what I mean, Lady Sophia. I’m reading about Time Travel and living it now since today is the 9th. Do you know what that means? Nobody picked up the torch. Should I go ahead and say it? “Humiliations Galore!” Before I start crying about the Day Job, how about the last time I saw candles. Fake lit candles, but I still need to buy some. I’ve been saying that for what 222 Days now. Hell, the last thing I got for B III was the Emergence Day dinner, and I continue to be salty about that. The Cheesecake was subpar. It didn’t need candles.

So what was I saying about candles… oh yeah, the day Braxton died. Let’s be clear, he was murdered by me. Sorry, I’m getting all into this, but yet again, it’s my routine. I call the Day Job Hell, so I need to remind myself what it truly is. Opening the door, no B III. Circles Four through Seven have nothing on the Ninth “Treachery.” I burn at the Day Job, and I freeze here. While the power hasn’t gone out, I find myself holed up in the Den, reading yes in the dark. It helps me not to look around for B. Pretending Punishment. Lady Sophia, the things that I do in the light? Yeah, I guess I’m not for Heaven, the Rainbow Bridge.

It would have been something if that horrible meal from Red Lobster killed me PROPER. But the story of the candles. How they had flameless candles and the frame about the Rainbow Bridge. I’ll spare you the image. Enough people want me quiet. Mourning Braxton. There were no candles for Emergence Day. I don’t think Braxton ever saw some candles. If the power did go out, the two of us would nap. I don’t think B feared the dark, well… Then there’s the fire B III lit under my ass along with NaNoWriMo. Better worlds. Lady Sophia, I keep imagining which one he ended up in. Hmm, maybe that’s why I haven’t started cheating with my novel. Should burn it. But Some Candles B Lit

222 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 064 ~History of B Longing~

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Last week I called myself a writer, and that’s without taking a writing class. Most think of me as a Sci-Fi Nerd, Geek, Freak, watch it, but that explains my Second BFF. She has a thing for nerds, whatever. History um, Jan 31. “History of B Longing.”

Friday, September 3, 2021

Chronicle 064 ~History of B Longing~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but this doesn’t allow me to change history. No matter how much I seek erasure, forgiveness.

It’s days like these… what Thursday, Time Travel? When I was young, I loved SCIENCE. Again Time Travel, wanting to raise the dead, and Hell if I die, I want my ashes to become a virus. Everything to be with B sigh, perhaps our ashes would mingle, hating people ha. Of course, Science involves plenty of Math. Well, I’ve spent this afternoon looking at how much money I’ve lost and for what. Writing, we’ll get to that. How about anatomy? If my “Stuff And Thangs” is any sign. Today I did write out my dream. The Science of it, okay. As close to the subject as I’ll ever get again. Sci-Fi references and defending never having another furry life in my hands. Never again, Sophia.

Because I’ve spent 215 days WRITING about the son I lost. I don’t believe I have ever taken a Writing class before; junior college? Of course, you’re saying that’s quite obvious with how I can never stay on subject. You could also look to yourself and the girls; now B. Baby Braxton always wanted more time with me, a man of few words he was. Only I gave myself over to them. I’ve been down here since 8 AM, and talking to you will account for 2000. I haven’t even left my seat. I should, I’m sure English teachers would approve. What about my next novel for the Big Show? NaNoWriMo in November. Am I hoping to cheat? Remember French?

Yet when I was in school, my subject was HISTORY. As you know, I feel some kinda way about my father, but he was ready to fight a History teacher for me. Calling me Professor. I don’t forget that my son is dead. How many times will I say it, Lady Sophia? Have I mentioned somebody else is sick of me talking about it? Oh, and lunch with B’s Aunt. Emergence Day is coming up fast, and what do I do before each one? CLEAN. I never took a Home Ec. course, and why would I decide to start tidying up? This was B’s home. It’s never another day, Lady Sophia. Each is brand new, trying to find a way to live without him. My lessons, History of B Longing.

215 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Log 350 ~You Can’t Hide Truth Forever~

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I should have known better. If the Day Job isn’t destroying my life every second, I walk in the place… George Floyd died over twenty bucks, and how dare I? The truth of a black man being threatening but my problems. You Can’t Hide Truth Forever.

Monday, June 15, 2020

Log 350 ~You Can’t Hide Truth Forever~

Hundred And Forty-First Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I have a stomachache, but both result in the same thing. Madam Justice, I am one sick individual. I’m also a man full of many contradictions. As Romeo put it, sad hours seem long, and at the same time, here I am, time-traveling and for what?

It’s still Sunday, but I’m trying to outrun my tears. Hell, if I didn’t freak MILF Dos out before um, I am now. It’s like noticing I screwed up today’s rule, “You Can’t Hide The Truth Forever” (six words instead of five). Anyway I know you’re not Inspector Echo or Dirty Diana. Why do I need to give a confession or an indulgence of my sin? Five stages of grief? As always, I am not a Christian. I quote songs often like Behead The Kings, but I know my Bible, Justice.

“I’m a man of god but I don’t need a savior”

“so don’t be brave, have a little common sense” Behead the Kings by Outerspace

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32

So I will speak my sins, these truths, and who knows, by the time I reach MILF Dos, I may understand what I did wrong.

The D: Now, if anything, I should say the F as I failed plenty because of her. A brunette I met in high school and wrote a lot about in college. That is until I almost ended up in Cell Block D. I was listening to my D. Two Dads, hers and mine almost killed me for my writing. I dropped out of school because I no longer had the dollars. Last I checked The D’s a happily married mom, with some little monsters too.

Sweetness: a young Latina on Youtube. People a long time ago, know I was smitten with her, obsessed. I made videos about her, a blog, hell half of my poetry collection. She put me down easy, though, and I discovered how quickly and effortless it was to destroy my work. Can you say, STALKER Much?

The Harmonic War: I swear this is my greatest shame. I’m sure she would tell you all about it, but I couldn’t even read it myself. I lost a ton of friends for that. To this very day, though, I know TTB and Teen Starlet. I have been led to Russia, and I pay $20.00 a month for Vault Girls.

All That Jazz: She’s a step above The Harmonic War and Sweetness. I won’t tell you where I met her, but all you need to know is I didn’t have the stones to ask her out properly. I gave her a note and put one on her car. Higher powers got involved, and I nearly lost everything. I’ve seen pretty girls in the same place. I’ll never again risk it.

Basic Bitch: I’m angry at her now, but still, it was all my fault. She was another brunette and a divorced one at that. Commenting on her blog, I learned I talked too much. I won’t even go there now. She gave me one of my most “useful” words… SKEEVY. Okay, did take my side.

Rainbow Girl: A lesson from the Basic Bitch. God, I hate sounding like Trump, but “Be Nice.” I tried Madam Justice honest. I named her Rainbow Girl on account of her hair, and after one of my favorite book characters from the Fever Series. One night she brought up butterflies, and I sent Butterfree from Pokémon. She quoted the song “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored,” and I came back with Crazy Town’s Butterfly. I asked her out twice before this (through text). You know what happened next, BLOCKED.

Okay: A young brunette, all of them have been brunettes or dark hair. (I don’t recall The Harmonic War, but I wasn’t trying anything with her). She was my maid once but more, a good friend. As Positive K put it, “What’s your man got to do with me?” Okay, she’s technically MILF Uno. One day she was supposed to come by and said she couldn’t, and we haven’t talked since. I wasn’t blocked by her. Still, there’s no reason to bother. She’s getting married too and is quite happy.

Cherry: A twenty-three-year-old vixen from across the pond. If we talked about women I had to lie to, she was one I was honest with. Yeah, I wanted to see her naked, and we spoke every day. It’s been about a month since I sent her pieces of my novel. I wrote about her and her mom and, of course, haven’t heard anything back. She likes a post every once and a while, but we don’t speak these days anymore.

MILF Dos: Again, I’m not sure about The Harmonic War, but MILF Dos is the oldest on this list. We met through TIBU and have many mutual connections. About a year ago when she needed money I offered her a deal which worked quite well… yabbos. She went into modeling then stopped. MILF Dos wanted more money, and I was so scared to ask, but I took the leap. We came to an arrangement, and I was over the moon. Now she gave me back my cash because she wanted to deliver first, so no worries. Until Saturday, June 13, I’m lying here in bed, hand in my pants, looking over messages she sent and bam, BLOCKED. Thus my spiral.

Now, what did I do wrong, hmm? I checked in on her earlier in the day with a message. She posted something about being out of work. I responded about my anxiety and being out of work this week myself. I don’t understand, but the moment I realized I went back and commented where I knew she would see it. I was begging her and apologizing, for I don’t know what. The thing is, what do all these women have in common, well besides being unfortunate in ever meeting me.

Of nine again, eight of them were brunettes. Two of them were minorities, All That Jazz was Mixed, and Sweetness was yes a Latina. Only one isn’t American, and that’s Cherry being a Brit. Seven were teens to twenties. Sweetness being the youngest seventeen… Five I have met face to face, the other four all online. Four have blocked me outright. Sweetness is gone, The D I’ve never sent a request. Okay, and Cherry are friends everywhere, and The Harmonic War is on Instagram still. I know you’re telling me right now, Madam Justice, that I’ve lost the mission. What about the rule? I’m telling the truth, I’m not hiding it, I remember. Only I can’t for the life of me put my finger on what I did wrong Saturday.

A part of me doesn’t want to know because chances are I’ll hate myself even more than I do right now. Does Milf Dos think I’m a stalker? Did some secret get out, and then the question becomes which? I could have said something, but what did I do all that night? There’s always the idea that I did nothing but be myself. Yeah, I’m disgusting. Do I need more reasons to consider posting this everywhere? Yeah, letting everyone else decide? I CAN’T BE ME. You Can’t Hide Truth Forever.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 077 ~Great, Just Be A Man~

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I’m better than I was yesterday, but everything within me wants to argue you that fact and I need only wait until I get around some people and what the hell will happen to my manhood. Great, Just Be A Man.

Monday, September 16, 2019

Log 077 ~Great, Just Be A Man~

Hundred And Second Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Millionaire right now and remain a stickler for time. Haven’t I always been and with the Day Job? I need to be a step ahead, still. Does that mean I’m running? Well, Run Boy Run. The question is, where am I going, hell I’m always running at the Day Job. I woke up this morning (Sunday) because of a nightmare. Remember “Stupidest” from the Day Job; the dream had me running from a gaggle of them. Somebody killed me, but I don’t know who. Anyway, the moral I got was they were the better man.

Which, of course, leads me to today? Yesterday I got my Patreon running, and this morning I got my modeling page up. These are the thoughts of a businessman, a man that is doing. You know I’m always on the cusp of quoting Yoda or some great erotic writer. If I were only to be me though SIGH I’m upset I lost a Facebook friend. I’ll be in a bad mood for this week for a variety of reasons. Oh yeah, and the first block I was expecting came from the unexpected. What the hell NaNoWriMo I thought it was a funny meme. Speaking of pictures, what’s that I said about a modeling page? Can you believe I had the nerve? The moment I start talking about cover girls, I get a message from my publisher. Now that gave me a chill without a doubt.

To think; that’s one reason I hate fear so much, it stops you from thinking. Anyway, I want to live such a life, and the smallest things get in the way. You know maybe that’s the rub. Now, this is more Lady Sophia’s thing, but a writer is akin to a god. The idea is after I create the man has to deal with the mess. Mountain from a molehill so you might ask me why go all out. Again it makes me feel great and then I know I’ll have to get by when it comes to life. If I had my way Madam Justice I would be strong enough to tell people to Fuck Off (LANGUAGE). What happens to those kinds of people in my stories? One of my motivations says to be the hero of your story. Why live History books? Before that Madam Justice, needn’t be Great, Just Be A Man?

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 246 ~I’m An Ordinary Human, Sucks~

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“You did not wake up to be mediocre;” you are not average, phenomenal skill, phenomenal will, hell I would take being anything than what’s sitting on my couch, and my son is something but me? I’m An Ordinary Human, Sucks

Monday, March 4, 2019

Episode 246 ~I’m An Ordinary Human, Sucks~

Seventy-Fourth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, become a monster, a messiah, or a madness, hell being a writer. I have tried on all the caps, creatures, and contagious diseases to make myself more than HUMAN.

Monster sigh even more so today or don’t I wish. Again I want to give you some horrible backstory seeing as how I’m a novelist and all. Most though would declare it, Fake News, Fiction, or Flights of Fancy. Far from a fantasy or at least, it was while it was happening, so let me get this off my chest. God can I stop thinking about chest or more to the point BOOBS. The Harley Quinn cosplayer, the costly mom, a damn collection but yeah I came. Uglier than Freddy, I should wear a mask like Jason, and infected like a damn zombie but we’ll get to that. I’m a horny man, a human being.

You didn’t see me at work today; I might as well have strings coming out of my ass. (LANGUAGE) I know, but that sounds so much better than having people’s noses, nails, hell even whole heads up it. I tell you Madam Justice, the shit that comes out of my mouth (I’m Trying) is nothing compared to theirs. So I refuse to take part as I’ll drown in it and become even more disgusting as they think I am and I know I am this moment. Someone sang of the differences between monsters and man, but I am so much lower than that. Someone also said that it’s a disease this thing we call love. No this isn’t it Madam; what does this make a crazy little thing called LUST.

Madman, me, now that’s madness, and I barely call the man I see in the mirror a man. It’s like sticking a needle in my arm (which I’ve never) snorting any “powder” (Wrong white Lady Madam Justice). Or smoking something here or there, (never cigarettes) women are my addiction. For nearly two weeks, I’ve avoided any sign of you know who but yeah last night with the cosplayer. I’m not worried, being who I am I’ll be ignored. Then there are the words “Oh My Sweet Goddess” that led to my insanity, either that or Harley Quinn. But I… yeah I have a million excuses on how this day was supposed to turn out, but who could dare carry it out. A sick man like myself, a pretty girl appears and way down, we go, Human. Everyone, to our knees, be it prayer, primal instinct, or psychos; sick of this, I’m An Ordinary Human, Sucks.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 239 ~Creativity Thy Name Is Woman~

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If but to woo, warn, and win a woman, I’m not a man of faith but I use the “gifts” I have, I am a writer, I strive to be wise, and dare I call myself a warrior and what’s it all for as the song goes? “Creativity Thy Name Is Woman”

Monday, February 25, 2019

Episode 239 ~Creativity Thy Name Is Woman~

Seventy-Third Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, don’t sit on your ass and wait. Only in that being said, there are such things as ideas, intendedness, and of course irony. With what happened Friday. It does not profit a man to worry, but like alcohol, a significant cause of and a solution to many of life’s problems. Such becomes the nature of women. The sixty-seventh rule: Women Make The World Harder.

“Don’t do that. Don’t make the mistake of calling what’s inside me worry. Good men worry. Men like me take care of the problem.” Beyond

Let it go Elsa but I can’t because I seem unable to learn from history. I was “skeevy” towards one woman and blocked, thus restarting my writing career. I behaved as a “gentlemen” towards another and all I’ve dreamed of is losing everything. For days I’ve found my libido lacking, XVideos, Pornhub, and My “Vault.” The closest I’ve gotten to porno is casting Memphis Monroe in my short story. “We Are The Thorny Ones,” and that’s a “murder” mystery ha. Yeah, writing is still not making a profit but what about my pornographic MILF, the birthday MILF. My one friend who is calling out for help and why haven’t I done anything to rescue her?

Memphis Monroe, American Daydreams, Naughty Athletics

Speaking of the Birthday MILF, Happy Birthday “Okay” I hope you like The Cloister Series. You being a woman of beguiling beauty, brave badassery, and the brightest brilliance. I wish you all the blessings in this world and even more.

“Plus, every other girl I know is either married, professional or closely related to me. So you’re more, or less–you’re literally the only girl in the world.

“Hmm.”

“That’s a hell of a thing to say.” The Message, Firefly

Now I sound like Simon from Firefly; didn’t I mention yesterday that I know too many girls and I was telling “Cherry” this. I took one girl to the movies, we had movie nights, I cooked dinner for her, and so she trusted me, so does Okay. I paid the pornographic MILF and kept my word about her naked pictures.

With all of this as known, I believe all women are beautiful in their own way. Now I can always count on well two so far, to make me the worst kind of man. But what if I could be “The Best Man” and Okay’s birthday should count as a Holiday. Like that movie three principles of my life as a man and of course Will’s Writings, Witticisms, and Wisdom. As always my existence does revolve around one thing. Women Madam Justice, writer, wisdom, warrior. I could think of a million other things but never have I done so much if I wasn’t trying to woo, warn, or win a woman. In that order, I give all that I am, because I’m a man, but Creativity Thy Name Is Woman.

Writer
Wise
Warrior
WILL

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 166 ~Wills I Never Read~

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I haven’t taken time to read lately, maybe because the truth absorbs me rather than fiction, let’s be real most words nowadays… hell, I’m creative, and others are liars and my look what time it is. “Wills I Never Read” but met hmm

Friday, December 14, 2018

Episode 166 ~Wills I Never Read~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars is something I never read about, seriously My Lady if you want to know where such a wish came from, there was a song “If I Had A $1,000,000” one of my Motivations “What If” and today it was the time on my schedule, but wait.

I never read the receipts when I was a child, I honestly don’t remember reading about Santa Claus but both I can put on my parents; a blessing or a curse but I should be grateful, I AM, yes I AM. Until there was Sticker Shock and if I knew then Lady Sophia how much it costs to live… hell, I never read those boxes of sleeping pills or NyQuil, I never understood the fine print of The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, been there before.

Speaking of things that will get me into Hell, there wasn’t a time in school that I read about sex, I only saw a few graphic pictures, I heard words like Rape, Sin, No Means No, the thoughts in my head echoed, pervert, stalker, criminal, evil, still do sometimes. It was when I started reading when I began educating myself honestly on BDSM, SSC, RACK, Ravishment; when I learned about Hentai, Erotica, my company Second Circle Creations, when I decided to take back my name, which I still hate looking at from time to time.

Damn the numbers though, more like fuck the numbers (Captain America says “Language”) today is Friday, not Thursday and that’s part of the reason I’m irritated, irate, irrational, damn near having an anxiety attack at 6:00 in the morning. I promised myself I would get up at 4:00 “Waking Up at 4:00 AM Every Day Will Change Your Life” and at 1:00 this afternoon I have to call into the day job and if it’s not good news at 3:00 bring on the panic attack.

You see Lady Sophia these are the men I never read about, but they all exist; I complained to a math tutor that if only math was like reading and I can’t read IBC Root Beer labels without thinking about lying to my “father” about my math homework and getting smacked. I can’t read my son’s face but “B III” tells me it’s time to get up for Walkies, I can’t read the sun in the sky, and nowhere is it written to learn why I get up at all… LOVE, for him, for myself, for some girl I’m not sure may live. I’ll never read about when I may gain a pardon from the mortal coil, my bank account will never speak of freedom, my soul shall never write about happiness, but someday he’ll be here; only one more of
Wills I Never Read.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 159 ~When’s Your Holiday Will~

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If I could take back everything I’ve said to women, that includes my first cry because I’ve been offending them ever since, how about when Santa lost his way here, and if I ever wake up rested and happy, shocker? “When’s Your Holiday Will?”

Friday, December 7, 2018

Episode 159 ~When’s Your Holiday Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, don’t live in infamy, it doesn’t help you win wars, (Japan), money and women are questionable (Marquis de Sade), and even if you’re proven right, “what’s next” is far stranger than “The End” right (Joseph Seed)? So am I saying become President, what was that about infamy, how about becoming a pornstar, working for FOX News, or even *gasp* a writer, you can always make money off some holiday spirit right?

Infamy, a day that will live as such, how many of the brave died this day so many years ago; I know you’re asking why do I even bring up something like Pearl Harbor, it’s not like I’m doing anyone a service but one more reason I’m a writer, I don’t want to forget. I’m not a great man, a good one, hell sometimes I judge if I’m even alright, especially when it comes to writing but for this moment in time, hell anytime I find myself sitting here, talking to you, any of the girls, the man in the mirror, writing a novel or poem I’m free. Isn’t that worth celebrating, every day I make a choice but here’s the thing and I’ve said this before, things we don’t learn from history we’re doomed to repeat; is that why I’m always writing about the end, something like Kylo Ren:

“The Empire, your parents, the Resistance, the Sith, the Jedi… let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. That’s the only way to become what you are meant to be.” The Last Jedi

You know I don’t celebrate holidays… my “birthday” in itself made me someone I didn’t want to be; alive, talk about a day I would erase, and then there are the days I can’t, the 5th of November, July 2nd, whenever the Harmonic War began. Seems almost tradition that the worse days of my life always revolve around a girl, even now my work schedule is done by one, I have several women who text me (not that I’m mad about that). I can’t remember when I did my first novel which wasn’t for NaNoWriMo; when’s the last time I got a full night’s sleep, and again with the women when was my last one or first one, long time.

When you can’t remember the day you lost happiness, would you recognize it, hell I remember the last time I had ah, a “release” and every day I resist is a victory not that I can celebrate this week, already failed #1. Even talking to Dear Future Wife my thoughts focus more on the present than the future but you want to know when I’ll party; September 1st when I have my first million, and hopefully I won’t be lying here on December 7th asking again, When’s Your Holiday Will?

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 138 ~To Will Wash History~

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History is at the mercy of the victor’s whims, but I always like to believe that it’s the wheelhouse survivors, then again Hitler’s book was a best seller, and most of the erotica I read is from white women, but here I am. “To Will Wash History”

Friday, November 16, 2018

Episode 138 ~To Will Wash History~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, but it wouldn’t matter if I did anyway as no amount of money can cover up the truth but the thing is, that enough of it does make it easier to live with some way. Right now I’m doing what I do for free so no wonder it’s so damn difficult to keep going over it, hell if people can’t get past the title, that has changed, but still, there’s Facebook.

Of course, I could always delete it but what kind of man would I be because there still is that belief that one of these days I’ll be bragging to these people and I want evidence that even though I screwed up plenty, here I am writing my victory speech, rather than my concession. I’ve said before that I write so much attempting to outrun certain words, ideas, and names but I can never control all of it; hasn’t it been a while since I thought of the “Fly Girl” better left to the past. The thing is I wish I could forget today’s writing for Pay Two Plague, how about erasing the schedule at work, and always the words I speak, but there is an Echo for one reason or another in my head… yeah, Where Is My Mind?

If anything My Lady, do you know how many times I’ve written “My Master” but that’s another story literally, my brain would be about as useless as the backspace and delete keys and 27,500 words I don’t care to explain. Speaking of words, I don’t need *ahem* Raid: Ant Baits, when I’m not busy writing I’m putting down ant invasions and those pieces of sh*t, both bug and weapon are not worth anything. For tonight it’s looking like I don’t have to tell you in horror stories but Then The Morning Comes, I’m going for five thousand words, NaNoWriMo is a word I have come to respect and admire, but my words don’t do it justice to be completely honest.

How many words will it take to drown out the past, how many to make the present worth living and how many to rewrite the future because what I know and even what I don’t is not worth reading. It’s like 1984 with everyone else’s words I wonder of my existence. Do I honestly want to, this weekend the day job will see since I’m not going in and I don’t want to with Black Friday coming, but there’s no way To Will Wash History?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 352 ~Sometimes You May Even Forget~

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I’ll forget so many things by tomorrow, and the things that I remember will probably haunt me for days on end because that’s the problem with pillows, they don’t do enough damage, and they don’t absorb enough punishment. Sometimes You May Even Forget

Monday, June 18, 2018

Lesson 352 ~Sometimes You May Even Forget~

Thirty-Seventh Rule Madam Justice

Can You Love Me Again; if I’m lucky I’ll forget I asked, fortunate still if I never find out the answer, at least it will give me something to do, I’m the luckiest if I forget the whole damn day. I wish I could ignore that there was once a less busy time, a period of decompression if you will, like when I was living in my tiny studio “Intown Suites” and every day when I would return I would stand in the center of the room, paralyzed a while.

There was a time when I would come back to the house, and I would feed my dog, change into my comfy clothes and climb into bed within fifteen minutes and why; for me, if I could do that, then I could pretend the day didn’t happen. When I failed it meant I had to live with my life choices and that was only more failure, like today I slept too long, spent too much time looking up some Polish model on Pinterest, and how about my motivation? How many times today did I forget to pick up my feet, to speak loudly and proudly, to not give up to not quit, hell I picked up treats for the dog and a snack for myself, we walked, I put on my hoodie, and after lunch, I passed out without a second thought to my sins.

Madam Justice, to be honest, I have forgotten why I even wrote this rule but if anything sometimes it is a blessing to erase everything and the unfortunate part about that is that I can imagine a better time than now. However, unlike those, who say “It Gets Better” I only imagine worse both past and future and my god how I’m fighting to have hope for the present when all I want to do is “Scream.” It was too damn easy to forget that I even had a father for Father’s Day and you know I love my dog like pancakes, but I don’t recollect being his father sometimes when all he wants is to be loved, Madam Justice.

Things I wish I could forget, the bitch, other various brunettes that I see throughout the day everywhere like that model “Aneta Cetera,” how about lust, lunch, and of course love as it was today. What I’d like to remember, Detroit: Become Human, the fact that I want a future and at the “Same Damn Time” “I Want To Know What Love Is” but *sigh* Sometimes You May Even Forget.

I Will Have No Fear