Gospel 140 ~Willing By The Days~

What day is it again? Now those MAGA Hats can, in the words of DX, “Suck It.” At the moment, I’m all for MWGA… doesn’t have the same ring. Not to mention I can’t remember the last time I felt great. “Willing By The Days”

Wednesday, November 18, 2020

Gospel 140 ~Willing By The Days~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but that’s not why I forgot about you. If anything, I’m forgetting what it feels like to be okay. One of my motivations says, “You did not wake up today to be mediocre.” How I can say at this moment, why yes I did Inspector. Yesterday or today at four in the morning, I planned on doing a great many things. I need a haircut; I should go shopping as everyone is in an uproar. Now it ain’t all bad. I did do 1,900 words. I got my Imp to take his meds for once but will he again? No humiliations.

Now they will come, Inspector Echo. We’re heading into Thanksgiving next week. Can you believe that I actually remembered that? If I think I’m wiped out right about now, I’m in trouble, I’m in real big trouble, as the song goes. Endure and Survive, right? Inspector Echo, the thing is, I’m not sure I want to. No, as always, I’m not suicidal. Only I can’t name a whole lot of stuff that is bringing me joy right now. I have Eric Vall, but his books are saying, expect a twist. I fall asleep to Far Cry 5 stories, reviews, walkthroughs. Fighting my addictions are a bitch, pardon my French. I don’t have anything to be bragging about, and again I have my story to write. So here I am fighting for the days to fly-by, and I only have myself to blame for this mess.

Of course, I could stop, at this second, I want to lie in bed and do nothing. The good news is tonight I won’t be going to bed at 4:00 AM yet again. The bad news is, what will I be doing this weekend. I have a chance to catch up now. I could even do it tonight, but um? Yeah, that’s right. I’ll make promises, and then I’ll cut off my alarm and go right back to sleep. Oh, except for my occupation that’s going to treat me like garbage and make me despise myself. I keep going through Hell, and it’s much bigger than I could ever imagine. Strangely hate isn’t as strong as I hoped, and don’t talk to me about love right now, Inspector Echo. Sorry.

I get back to you only to be down on myself? Willing By The Days

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 035 ~Willingness To Forget Rules~

How hard is it to forget about me, everybody else does it quickly enough, but even when I’m asleep, well I should be doing that now, but I’m always having dreams, creating goals, and making some rules. Willingness To Forget Rules.

Sunday, August 5, 2018

Episode 035 ~Willingness To Forget Rules~

To Will:
Give Me One Reason to, other than the fact that we want to prove we can learn something new every day and it’s already begun, yesterday was Thirty-Four that brings to mind two things, porn, and age. Speaking of forgetting things what about Rule 116 which states “Watching, Waiting, Hoping, Just Move,” and I know you’re exhausted, hell I only handled the first two hours, but it’s your world now “step up or step aside” hmm maybe you did get enough sleep Will?

Porno, panic, and peeing shouldn’t be your only reasons to get up though, despite everything what about puppy, purpose, and power, the things you never forget though agony is trumping everything at the moment. There are at least four rules that mention pain, and that gets us back to porn because clearly, you’re not enjoying your share of hurt and the only way you do enjoy it is inflicting it on others for a mutual pleasure eventually. I guess you have to think with something at the moment considering the big head is still in a fog but what about the promises, yeah I’ll stop any minute now, but you have those Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 008 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Failed, (Day 004 No Fap)
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
Failed, (Dog Food Acquired But No Bath Or Pills)
3. I Will Tell Off Anyone That Calls Me Out My Name
Completed (At Work)
4. I Will Make It To The Library Five Days Minimum
Completed
5. I Will Post A Review For “Legacy of Succession” Anna Edwards
Completed
6. I Will Edit Three Chapters of “Apocalypse Rush”
Completed

Give myself a point for just being alive and everything else is 16.5 Points, yes I did the math and you know what I see, a sixty-seven, a D Will, and to think once upon a time I would be happy with a D, hell I am pleased with my D the thing is I know I fucked up. Every day propels us forward, didn’t I say I’d stop this but there is no rule against it, but there are rules about keeping it in your pants, being a good parent, wanting, demanding and promising to do better. As I said that’s how you know you fucked up, well I did, and it sucks that you always have to correct everything I’ve done but here’s to “doing” the right thing, don’t forget Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 004 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Not Take Shit From Anybody
4. I Will Make It To The Library And Starbucks
5. I Will Finish Reading The Art Of Peace by Morihei Ueshiba
6. I Will Edit Three Chapters of “Apocalypse Rush”

Your schedule is all sorts of hectic, you feel like Hell, and your feet are always hurting but forget all about that, hard right, humor, okay I get it maybe I have a problem, but I need to think about anything other than thirty-four because, well you know. All the things that you wish would fade away; still not over “The Darkest Minds,” yeah like “Detroit: Become Human” and wanting to sleep but always such a Willingness To Forget Rules.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 352 ~Sometimes You May Even Forget~

I’ll forget so many things by tomorrow, and the things that I remember will probably haunt me for days on end because that’s the problem with pillows, they don’t do enough damage, and they don’t absorb enough punishment. Sometimes You May Even Forget

Monday, June 18, 2018

Lesson 352 ~Sometimes You May Even Forget~

Thirty-Seventh Rule Madam Justice

Can You Love Me Again; if I’m lucky I’ll forget I asked, fortunate still if I never find out the answer, at least it will give me something to do, I’m the luckiest if I forget the whole damn day. I wish I could ignore that there was once a less busy time, a period of decompression if you will, like when I was living in my tiny studio “Intown Suites” and every day when I would return I would stand in the center of the room, paralyzed a while.

There was a time when I would come back to the house, and I would feed my dog, change into my comfy clothes and climb into bed within fifteen minutes and why; for me, if I could do that, then I could pretend the day didn’t happen. When I failed it meant I had to live with my life choices and that was only more failure, like today I slept too long, spent too much time looking up some Polish model on Pinterest, and how about my motivation? How many times today did I forget to pick up my feet, to speak loudly and proudly, to not give up to not quit, hell I picked up treats for the dog and a snack for myself, we walked, I put on my hoodie, and after lunch, I passed out without a second thought to my sins.

Madam Justice, to be honest, I have forgotten why I even wrote this rule but if anything sometimes it is a blessing to erase everything and the unfortunate part about that is that I can imagine a better time than now. However, unlike those, who say “It Gets Better” I only imagine worse both past and future and my god how I’m fighting to have hope for the present when all I want to do is “Scream.” It was too damn easy to forget that I even had a father for Father’s Day and you know I love my dog like pancakes, but I don’t recollect being his father sometimes when all he wants is to be loved, Madam Justice.

Things I wish I could forget, the bitch, other various brunettes that I see throughout the day everywhere like that model “Aneta Cetera,” how about lust, lunch, and of course love as it was today. What I’d like to remember, Detroit: Become Human, the fact that I want a future and at the “Same Damn Time” “I Want To Know What Love Is” but *sigh* Sometimes You May Even Forget.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 344 ~So Love And Forgetfulness~

Love and Happiness I’m beginning to think are beyond me but haven’t I held them before, and then I let them go, what is left; well there is a reason I stay in the dark and then I have to get up and what do I see? “So Love And Forgetfulness”

Sunday, June 10, 2018

Lesson 344 ~So Love And Forgetfulness~

To Will:
Can You Love Me Again, have I ever, every week I let you go and why is that; I know I’m no good for you and that maybe we should start with a clean slate and yet here we are once again. Didn’t we learn this lesson in the past after everything with our sister, and we “ran away” hell how many times did we cross back and forth in front of grandma’s house that day and where did we get too, what did we get in fact?

“My Mama always said you’ve got to put the past behind you before you can move on.” ― Forrest Gump

It’s a pain I know and to think that once upon a time a swollen ass was our “biggest” concern which explains plenty of things, the reason you’re into spanking (giving not receiving), why like the dog you’re more of a breast and leg man or volleyball player asses. You still remember “The Miracle Season” we’ve talked about memory problems before the things you can’t forget, and then everything else seems to be the good stuff by comparison, and with merely a snap of the Infinity Gauntlet, it’s all gone away. You only wished it worked like that with things like your face, how about all of your desires and of course the ever-growing list those six impossible things *sigh*:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 85** No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 92** No Fap)
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
Completed, Went To The Groomers
3. I Will Edit Five Chapters At Least Of My Novel
Failed
4. I Will Complete 50% Of The Prophet By Celia Aaron
Completed 85%
5. I Will Post A Review For “The Maiden” By Celia Aaron
Failed
6. I Will Edit One Hundred Poems “The Bedroom Soapbox”
Failed

In one way I think that love means accepting someone for everything, you talk a lot about trust, and this explains why you love the dog the most because he doesn’t understand humans and if he did, who’s he going to tell? On the other hand, love could mean someone that would help you bury a body and then forget all about it, they ignore the monster and love the man that you want to be, and so you rise to the occasion. You could just be getting old as well, we already don’t want anyone remembering “The Day” so how can you expect them not to remember so much worse than that, and here’s another list of things that you need to remember, NOT:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 92** No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Not Get Fired
4. I Will Complete 100% Of The Prophet By Celia Aaron
5. I Will Post A Review For “The Maiden” By Celia Aaron
6. I Will “Select” One Hundred Poems “The Bedroom Soapbox”

Don’t they say it’s better to give than receive; one should forgive, bury the hatchet but how easily shovels can become hatchets; is it better to remember or to forget; if you had it your way other than “Detroit: Become Human” this week is better forgotten. Hardly any writing is done, no track star ass to still squeeze, well she didn’t play volleyball, and anxiety has been getting to you as many times as I had to go out and now… So Love And Forgetfulness.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 343 ~Live Every Day Like~

How can I live without you, before anyone gets vain I am talking about you Lady Luna, I did get a lot more sleep, some would have called it depression, better out that in which is why I’ll tell you all about it, every day. “Live Every Day Like?”

Saturday, June 9, 2018

Lesson 343 ~Live Every Day Like~

Hey Lady Lu,
Can You Love Me Again, like the day I first created you or the day I brought you back to life… desperation and that is something I need to get over and fast because these past few days it’s been like I’m begging to live. In a way what wouldn’t I give to feel that way again, like the day I told “Okay” about, my senior year, homecoming pep rally, that was a day of freedom, a day I didn’t have to live, but there was life.

I read something the other day that said, live every day like it’s your first and there are several ways one can interpret that, for example, it’s a day where everything is new and yet there is no fear. As with my rules, it’s a day that you learn something new, and honestly, I do Lady Luna, for everything that school taught me my greatest lesson was on how to be afraid. How about the fact that I think everyone knows me but they don’t I can be whoever I want to be, my identity has yet to know formation, (oh and Beyonce sucks) and I don’t have to remind myself of all the shit.

On the other side of the coin, live every day like it’s your last, again something I spoke to “Okay” about, what if I knew the day I would die, hell don’t I live thinking the end of the world is coming or like any kid in a rush to get his homework done? I know how she sees me and that says I should live as though I will never see her again, a man has to know when to walk away, and there is so much I have left to do, like every day I’m writing. Maybe I should live like I don’t need to write but want to write and I am back at the table, I did work on my poetry, but it’s more to the fact I’m trying to stay alive instead of living life.

As with most Americans, I live for my payday, and you know how the day job is, I live for the day it’s my writing that provides and do I truly believe that will ever come to pass at this rate? I live for the day I can finally get “Detroit: Become Human” and a “PlayStation 4” did you think I had forgotten Lady Luna, though today I would like to live as though I have forgotten, live unafraid, but no Live Every Day Like

I Will Have No Fear