Monday, August 7, 2017

Lesson 037 ~Is Atlas Complaining Yet~

Hey, Lady Lu…
No Fear, but I don’t like boats and I haven’t been on a plane in a long time, not since that stint in the military and with the ways things are going there are bigger fish to fry. The lesson today is more, the more things change the more they stay the same type of deals, because what happened today or rather yesterday is something I know I need yet another lesson in because I’m not learning.

I guess I have good news for you, she saw you, “Miss Seasons” or at least people she knows and well that’s the bad news, burn it down and salt the earth, great minds huh? The only difference here is, I wasn’t the one that went scurrying off, personally I don’t blame her one bit but it still hurts, destruction is beautiful but loss… Let’s hope there is no more of that for a while but we ran in the same circles so if others abandon us I wouldn’t be surprised if anything the question is what set her flying?

It’s sort of like Amazon too, you can’t fix the problem if you don’t know what’s wrong, but it only took two times with Amazon though I have no idea what they didn’t like. Miss Seasons is different, I did wrong, I felt bad, apologized and then… yeah, I sort of lost my mind but you always want to know what ended it. Do I really need to rehash “Senseless” or the “Harmonic War” how about “Sweetness”; as you know I’ve got plenty of issues? It’s seven billion people in the world Lu and I have alienated three, really why I am I upset over any of this at all.

“’Cause I got issues
But you got ’em too
So give ’em all to me
And I’ll give mine to you
Bask in the glory
Of all our problems” Issues

You know I’ve been on a journey of finding my voice once again and maybe the purpose is to become the person I am here to the rest of the world without the screen. I don’t think I told you about what I said at work about my music and the playlist that stops me from becoming a psychopath, remember how scared I was then?

“Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates.

At the first gate, ask yourself
‘Is it true?’

At the second, ask
‘Is it necessary?’

At the third gate, ask
‘Is it kind?’”

– a Sufi saying (all I know)

I’ve been focusing on just talking at all lately but let’s focus on Miss Seasons when we worked together, I barely spoke but if I did it was honest, always out of necessity, and she said it herself that I was kind, then we started writing and here we are.

I’m trying to go back but everything I said about her was true, I don’t spread rumors or anything and I am deeply remorseful for my actions, I was a dumbass. Was I angry at her, of course, again my fault and I can’t dispute anything about it but I could be mad, those were my feelings? Anything else, hell Luna I want to win this blogging thing, she has everything and I have nothing but I am fired up, I could publish a poetry book, should really edit my novel, success is winning, right?

Necessary, Luna my dear I think we’re all going to Hell, an apology was necessary and everything else… why am I even talking to you now? If we all were left to necessary do you know how quiet the Earth would be, how much weight would be lifted, nobody can promise that except maybe monks?

“I don’t want to be just one thing. I can’t be. I want to be brave, and I want to be selfless, intelligent, and honest and kind. Well, I’m still working on kind.” Four/Tobias, Divergent

Is it kind… beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I tell one girl she has nice boobs and she smiles, another one shuts me out, flowery words get one girl and then she sleeps with a guy that says bitch get in the car. Poetry almost got me fired, showing attraction but not stating the obvious made me out to be skeevy and worse. It’s a toss-up between not needing to be kind to anyone and not saying anything at all and being considered unkind, or being rejected, not to mention high school all I ever got was backhanded compliments from nearly everyone.

Today words are too damn light and they are supposed to be heavy, I imagine it’s fear but maybe it’s thinking about what you say.

Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me, that’s bullshit, of course, the pen is mightier than the sword is something I can get behind, for I have seen what words can do. You want to know why the world is so heavy, because with all these words being thrown here come the stones, we should build roads, like “Indiana Gone” says, “Communication” but no we get hit and we throw back, we harden our hearts, we bury our enemies, we erect caves to hide in, praying the world doesn’t come crashing down on us.

“It’s Hebrew, it’s from the Talmud. It says, “Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire.” – Schindler’s List (1993)

If I had remained silent Luna where would I be today, I would have another friend, hell would I rather have an enemy, I rather she not just walk away or fly away which is the last thing I know about her new job and all. She’s not the only one though, she won’t be because I’m not going to be silent any longer, I can’t be and if it isn’t you, it will be a book I publish or something else. If saving a life is saving the world, then what about destroying one?

Friends are so hard to come by Luna and I suspect I will be losing quite a few more in the coming days, two hundred and two now and took me less than a day to find out who I had lost. I can’t walk on eggshells anymore… yeah, I am an eggshell when I get upset, better a live chicken than a dead duck is what I’m always saying. At least we know that people are reading and if there not liking, yeah that’s something I’ll have to change, another thing I should be upset about, my book review got no likes but yeah today is about the girl.

So what have I learned today other than to stop pissing women off and that means to stop talking or control my temper? Another day that started off with such promise but at least I have the option of walking to the next but I wonder Is Atlas Complaining Yet.

I Will Have No Fear