Tag: Pain

Log 067 ~Will Hires A Musing~

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So this is it and I don’t know exactly how I feel or how to express it apparently… do I need a doctor or a mortician, should I be directing a horror film or living it and tomorrow will come regardless. Will Hires A Musing, or a “Terminator”

Friday, September 6, 2019

Log 067 ~Will Hires A Musing~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Millionaire right now, or I better become one Monday. September 1st was the goal, and with everything yesterday well? Positive vibes Lady Sophia, the law of attraction. As I named my motivational playlist “Tell Me Something Good” for once.

Have you ever played that game Fuck, Marry, Kill? When it comes to my working hours, I will marry my writing. Of course Fuck the adult entertainment industry and kill my Day Job. That’s something I shouldn’t say, again considering yesterday. I’ve said it often enough, the best thing in the world is to be loved. If not that liked, barring that respected. Not right, okay invisible, and after exhausting the idea, feared. I was invisible but why? Rule #002 states: You Are Not A Caveman. Still, where would we be without them Lady Sophia? A grunt here, a picture there, a word? I fuck (LANGUAGE) pixels all the time (FAP), or I used to you know. Again I would marry my words. More than anything I wish I didn’t have to make a sound. Suicidal on the eve of “The Day?” It wouldn’t be the first time Lady Sophia.

Let’s play another game. Would You Rather never be born at all or live my life? How about this, would I rather go back to high school and have bad grades on The Day? Or would I rather keep this moment and worry about going back to Hell? I’m damned either way as always. Can’t say that I’m surprised how this week has turned out. More law of attraction but I wasn’t thinking about The Day at all. I expected nothing and the world manifested shit (LANGUAGE). I’m sure that’s what my mom thinks of her oldest son. Would You Rather have your son or your daughter? Easy when it comes to my Olds. Ask the Day Job, would you rather have an eight-year employee who wants to work or anybody else, I’m fucked (LANGUAGE).

I’m more a Battle Royale, The Hunger Games, The V Games type of guy. Schoolgirls vs. Professional Models. Brothels, strip clubs, movie studios, filled to the brim. Notice I didn’t have any temptations today; I didn’t get much sleep last night. Yeah even when I’m not at the Day Job or with my Olds these days SIGH. Terminator, Hooker, Devil, to help with my life’s story Will Hires A Musing.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 060 ~Will’s Bookshelves And Coffins~

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Another day living life, not the life, I didn’t even read yesterday, and I woke up at 4 AM with all the lights blazing in the house; my firstborn was quite confused, but he knew daddy was sleepy the end. “Will’s Bookshelves And Coffins” a short story

Friday, August 30, 2019

Log 060 ~Will’s Bookshelves And Coffins~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Millionaire right now and full of more business ideas. It’s better than having any temptations today though I had a fantasy about MILF Dos. There was also my Lawler moment of “The Puppies, The Puppies.” Relax, “Cherry” had dogs but still, not a day goes by without boobs. As valuable as all the trees that are burning in the Amazon. I should probably get political but oxygen and suffocating boobage by the right girl; flip a coin. Not like there are many of those around here, all my spending.

I wish I could say it was all on books and I don’t regret Raphael by Tillie Cole. Shock and ah or Nah. Hell I gave it five stars and need to write a review. A good idea, I should do that now, but there are so many stories. Do I want to tell you a sad tale; not yet. I could tell you a weird one or a gross one. Raphael had a thing for girls with long hair and watching them sleep in coffins. I also have a jonesing for nuns, well after watching the movie Virgin Territory, now that’s the life, Sophia.

Beats being afraid all the time. I read Rules Of Bennett by Ember Michaels. Now I haven’t been so shocked since Deliverance For Amelia by Bonny Capps. To have a genuine bad guy get the girl, the key concept being unwilling. Have I read far too many HEAs? Don’t get me wrong Amelia got rescued by a bad boy turned good. The same might happen for Aurora. Still, I read these things that happen to young women and feel like Tony Montana. I’m the bad guy and not to sound like R. Kelly, but I’m a bad man, that’s true.

My life is nothing to write about, but here we are Lady Sophia. I worry about liking a girl’s picture or sending a sweet photo, song, or video because I’m wrong. I write out fantasies to two girls at the Moonlite Bunny Ranch. Now one thinks I’m crazy, and the other considers me a loser. I’m gross because I support specific movie producers. There are gaming communities (adult entertainment). In real life, I read about this kid murdering some girl because he didn’t understand rejection. Where does any particular word lead us I ask? Of course Will’s Bookshelves and Coffins.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 053 ~Black And Blue Will~

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For the record, I only go to Walmart because I despise Target, though Target has cuter women and speaking of which “Indiana Gone” is one of my dearest friends and a strong black woman like my mom and sister. “Black And Blue Will.”

Friday, August 23, 2019

Log 053 ~Black And Blue Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Millionaire right now but only seeing red. What happened to green, I’ll ask GoDaddy when it comes to my blog? The only company I want to talk about today is Walmart. You want me to comment on your business, do well, and you have a 75% chance. Piss me off (LANGUAGE), and you have a 99.9% probability. Hell, I’m tempted to send this to Walmart. If it only wasn’t for my other temptations this morning. Katelyn May Nacon, Alanna Masterson, Jennifer Lawrence (As Katniss). There’s “Of Inner Demons” too.

Anyway, you know that saying about how mighty the pen is right? Nobody talks about paper ever. I’m sorry I’m not going to talk about the Amazon rainforest burning. It’s even worse I’m about to sound like Trump and whine like a bitch (LANGUAGE). Can I be grateful that I don’t have a massive bruise on my forehead? It’s more my pride that ain’t much. Writing serves as an eraser, for my rage, my pain, all the embarrassment. Yeah, one big edit which explains why writing hurts. I’m still not a masochist though which explains why I usually torture other people writing. Again people neglect thoughts of paper, the eraser, or whiteout. You see Lady Sophia even now, sadist that I am, I’m avoiding talking about inflicting pain. I was supposed to talk about Walmart, black people, and hate, SIGH.

I guess I owe you that much, so long story short. Yesterday at Walmart, I got over my anxiety and reached for a pack of bottled water. So I promptly smash my head against the metal bar. After getting laughed at by two “employees,” I walk away. Five minutes later this black family is laughing at me, so I glare at them as I walk past them. One of them says he’s so ugly. Another says he’s scary. Lady Sophia, I’m an African-American man. Whenever I get to thinking, okay my people aren’t bad, I got yesterday. I hate Trump but my firstborn and I; he hates other dogs. I won’t say I hate anyone; okay, my “father,” “the basic bitch” (WILL, STOP IT). There are reasons I don’t associate with other black people. When did I last dare mention a black chick? Lessons learned, “don’t be brave, have a little common sense.” Black words on paper, far better than a Black And Blue Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 042 ~Live Like There’s No Tomorrow~

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Am I going back to that, the world is going to end in “five minutes” mentality; if died today I would be embarrassed at everything, well other than reading another Tillie Cole novel but anyway. “Live Like There’s No Tomorrow”

Monday, August 12, 2019

Log 042 ~Live Like There’s No Tomorrow~

Ninety-Seventh Rule Madam Justice

I AM a Millionaire right now, but I didn’t do two girls at the same time. Now that’s only for starters for if tomorrow never comes? Well, I’ve thought about that plenty of nights. Most nights I don’t ever plan on the morning. Okay, my knives and my car alarm say differently. Those are more for my son, though. My motivations say to start every morning with gratitude. I’m grateful Madam Justice I am. Still, I sometimes imagine waking up and starting all over again.

Do any of us wake up and live the day we would be proud to die? So I wake up this morning to the TWD Rewards people treating me like I’m STUPID. Until only now, I had forgotten about that concern. Besides talking to you, I could use a cappuccino and a slice of cheesecake. Worrying robs you of the joy you might have so I owe myself a slice. You know the days are wrong when you pray for a zombie apocalypse. Hell, I want the days I stand a chance in if anything. Again living those “five minutes” and the world comes to an end. I’ve lived far too many suicidal days. There was the day I had Taco Bell and fell asleep downing Nyquil pills attempting an overdose. I’ve starved myself for at least a week, and nobody gave a damn. I’ve studied poisons, weapons, I write dystopias ha. Ironic, I see tomorrow for everyone else but myself; I don’t live now.

If I could have today again, picture it as so. I wake up next to my beautiful wife. I go to my office, and we talk well more like Lady Sophia and me because it’s a Friday. My wife and I make love in the shower, and then she cooks breakfast. We both see the children off to school, while my firstborn does patrol of the Estate. I pop in on a few of my brothels see how business is going. I visit my studio and work on a movie. Then it’s off to interview the newest crop of models. I pick up my kids, and they tell me about good days at school. Home-cooked dinner, in a loving home. A book before bed then me and my wife ravish each other. Who would need another Saturday? Never enough time right Madam Justice but to Live Like There’s No Tomorrow.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 035 ~Nothing To Prove To Anybody~

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The lives we live or survive, some people have wealth, others have scars, some have only an inch of air in front of their face, and that in itself can be too much, why are they so deserving, am I? Nothing To Prove To Anybody.

Monday, August 5, 2019

Log 035 ~Nothing To Prove To Anybody~

Ninety-Sixth Rule Madam Justice

I AM a Millionaire right now, but you don’t have to believe that. How about the fact that I respect women? Sure doesn’t look that way right? What about that I do my best at the Day Job? The idea that I love my firstborn more than anything? Of course, the big one these days would be that I’m an innocent man. It’s 4 AM, and you know the reason I’m up. For the record, I did get about six hours of sleep, and I still haven’t checked Facebook yet.

Speaking of which, when I do post some political discord there, it’s what I believe. I’m not trying to prove I’m a Dem, Liberal, or anything, only that this is what I know. Hell like Jon Snow everyone says I know nothing, but he was just himself. The problem is he didn’t know who that was most of the time. I should stop comparing myself to him, though. As always I avoid the man in the mirror too. Yesterday though I had to shave and I saw all the grey hairs; how did I get so old not living? Even now it’s like I need permission to exist. I need to prove I have the right to such a thing. My Six Impossible Things list, I have to prove I’m a good father, a man, I get apps to try and hold myself accountable Justice.

What about September, am I going to make it to Nevada. $200.00 for a number I never use, how much do I spend on Brainbuddy, and I was checking out some Cosplayer. If anything I’m proving fear runs my life and I get that for free. Let’s not forget the other $250 for my book and even more for a cover. What about all the motivational speakers I listen to or the time spent lost in music wanting to feel brave. Don’t be brave, have a little common sense as one song goes. All this effort for people that don’t give a damn and hell I don’t either. That is until something hurts them like the hack job. Again being a dominant and a sadist I get turned on by pain but only that which I control. Pain proves we’re still alive, so why don’t I embrace all of it in my life Madam Justice.

The answer is still this, Nothing To Prove To Anybody.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 263 ~Your French Girls Will~

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I have had so many muses, from A to B and they have all been pretty and wrong for me, and if it isn’t one bodily fluid, it’s another, sex and horror as Frankie Goes to Hollywood put it. Where’s an iceberg when I need it? Your French Girls Will

Thursday, March 21, 2019

Episode 263 ~Your French Girls Will~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
How To Make One Million Dollars, learn French and move to France. Hell if it worked for Benjamin Franklin, it would work for me. Only I failed French of course, too busy calling people “cowards.” What about that Time Machine construction seeing it’s Wednesday. Staying ahead?

Stories for another time but usually this is “sexy time…” How many references is that so far? The Last Dragon, Idiocracy, Katie O’Shaughnessy; so much to write Dirty Diana. Nevertheless aren’t I trying to be S Wolf, Todd Michaels, even the fictional Ian Anwell? Do you know what holy Hell it is to be surrounded by muses? In Ian’s case, he only had one but as for me? Yeah, I’m hitting that sweet spot between wanting to fuck Nonstop and being inspired. NaNoWriMo is coming up, and I have to be ready. At the moment I’m still thinking about “The Logos Girls.” Only Tuesday sigh it’s good I finally got my refund from Walmart. I have five words for you, “Eileen Kelly is in Playboy.”

Now if my video game antics have proven anything, it’s the fact that I love a good story. Give me a tale, and I would say I would give you my heart. No, more like my wallet as is the case of Eileen Kelly a.k.a KillerandaSweetThang. Why did I join Patreon again? Sure I wanted to see @courtscandyshop boobs. Just what made me sign on was getting into her head. Still, her story of abuse, assault, and a man’s amorality, turned me on. Fucked up for sure but no less so than most of the erotica I read. Except that’s fiction, I want a girl for body, breakability, and brains. However, this order is depending on the day and mood.

How many days has it been since Brainbuddy? As I said it’s almost time for some real writing. Only if I’m not getting that done, I should be reading. I don’t mean looking up Hannah Harper’s work in Funny Boners (2002) and Kill For Thrills. My apologies to the pornographic MlLF. Oh and there’s Amilia Onyx and Whitney Wright. Except for Hannah, girls with dark hair sigh but I should be sticking to the black words on the page. What Jack was able to do with Rose (In Pictures) I want to learn how to do with words. To be fair though he got to know Rose “biblically.” Now that is a language we all learn. Though when I was young, I believed the French excelled at that. So Hannah is English, Katie is Irish, and then we have American girls. Still To All Of You (women in general) today I’m not sorry. If it’s not panties, ball gags, or cocks going in your mouth, I would only like to write about you in some way. So what’s your story? Like Your French Girls Will?

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 258 ~Blind Faith To Will~

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Do I still think I can see into the future, I wrote this Wednesday, and I saw this day going a lot better, only I wasn’t blind to some girl, I know what I need to do, and tomorrow sigh. Blind Faith To Will

Saturday, March 16, 2019

Episode 258 ~Blind Faith To Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars, today is Wednesday. I’m still STUCK on the idea that I will write a best seller. Now if I had the money this second, I know there is no way I would be going to work on Sunday. My problem is that I don’t see the money though. I see Inventory, insanity, and indignation. One of my motivations says that no one can hate you more than you hate yourself. Only nowadays I look, others don’t.

In a way I envy them. In some ways, a button is worse than a trigger. Do you recall when I was talking about Brainbuddy (which you should CANCEL Friday okay)? My deep confusion about what classifies as porn. Yep, I lied to those people “One? Yeah.” Giving up Fapping, sure. The porn, hell after doing the Morning Routine, it was right back to the Heartless Prince. After that Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest. Still, nobody can show me something more beautiful than women. Some people tell me to have faith in God. Blind faith and those same people were the ones that made me out to be a nerd or worse. So my eyes were too full of tears. I was busy getting up close and personal with a baseball bat, balled fist, and my blood in the dirt most days.

I saw this religious movie once called Apocalypse, and there was this guy Bronson Pearl. Now he wouldn’t listen to his girlfriend or some story. He dug up his father’s grave and only at that moment did he find faith. Faith Lady Luna is work. I was looking at myself, and for once it wasn’t my fucked up teeth (LANGUAGE). Nor was it my body; it was my bloodshot eyes from working.

Nevertheless, with my writing, I do not see the results and the day job sigh. I’d rather be dead instead. Now that sounds harsh, but it’s like everything in my world is, I don’t know. In one way it’s living in a museum, don’t touch that it’s priceless. Don’t think that, those people were savages. Stay behind the rope, the line, the people. Better yet don’t look ever.

Am I back in school before I had my glasses? Only I couldn’t see the board so of course, I failed. Math where I was expected to get it, but I never did. So I bought into lies, and now I’m an adult where there is no future in my job. Walmart fails ha, or my eyes are stuck on a screen, headphones always. Is that the game, you see too much or too little. However they say look up, and even the sun is blinding. Still, I know every shade of blue there is. I can’t close my eyes anymore, but why believe in myself, Blind Faith To Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 256 ~Will’s Mad For Maddy~

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The second part of my experiment and is it scary that I find this last half better than the first about Amandla Stenberg a.k.a. “Madeline Whittier,” now that was so creepy, or so I guess, but I am a madman. Will’s Mad For Maddy

Thursday, March 14, 2019

Episode 256 ~Will’s Mad For Maddy~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Welcome, Mischievous Mouthy Maddy
How To Make One Million Dollars, singing and I do adore you when you sing to me. I have other plans for that mouth of yours. Babygirl, after all, haven’t you answered yes to everything? Yes, Master, more, and to you being mine? May I make suggestions to you here and now. While I have you on your knees, making love to my cock. Dare I say I like these sweet sounds even more so Maddy.

The first would have to be, never cut your hair ever again. Braids, pigtails, especially curly. My hands lost in a sea of black but never off. Now I’ll take your bobbing to mean that you agree with me. How about as more of a reminder I make sure to fist it tightly in bed. These snow-white sheets and the two of us colliding as you’re on all fours. Must be madness that I thought this could ever be us. Only who is crazier? Isn’t this the place you open up to me. You’re spreading your thighs as I slide between your folds. The only notes needed are the ones on your tongue, begging, pleading.

Some would call it Toxic. The way I want to have you all to myself, to be the air that you breathe. For you to lose your mind in thoughts of my desires, depravity and my dick, drives me so crazy too. That I can’t for this existence I live imagine how I kept it out of you for so long. Maybe your kiss was Poison, a pharmaceutical. A plot of a love story that we tell the world. Or perhaps no one at all as we find ourselves spent in every way. Hell Maddy, I will burn for you. I know, a Fever and perchance somehow or another I have fallen into a dark paradise of our limbs entwined. Trapped and only wanting more.

I don’t want to remember the man I was before you. Even thinking of the man I am after fucking you. He scares me and yet you do not run away. Or you can’t if I love you only in the way that you deserve to know love. Inside you in every way that I can be and much more. I don’t ever want to leave. Hard as it is and with only a look from you this madness. If we go out, THEY would say Will’s Mad For Maddy.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 251 ~I’m Staying Alive Will~

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If you don’t have your health; the thing is I think I know what will fix this but after that monster headache, no more energy shots for a while but my poor characters t if I stay awake today. I’m Staying Alive Will.

Saturday, March 9, 2019

Episode 251 ~I’m Staying Alive Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars; I’m sure I’ll make it after I’m long dead. As much as I have written, but it will be nowhere near three thousand words. Did I promise myself such today working?

Head games you know. When your body is telling you your so fucked up (Language) that it has you going looking on WebMD for answers. In that respect why aren’t I dead by now? Hearing one of your coworkers say again and again their not a racist. Speaking the truth though they’re mad about a former lover dating someone black. However, in all fairness, I’m not one to date black women. We’ve talked about the ones that leave me in the morning. Help me; if I were to ask for it, it would come in a little plastic tube. 5-hour ENERGY still has me wrecked, from my head to my feet nowadays, could be worse.

Heartbreak and I know my heart isn’t so. Seriously though I hate coming off like Howard Wolowitz or like some criminal. Yeah, women prefer the clown but the comedian died and how many days has it been? Hair Razing as my heart sank when I saw what was coming. Do you know what’s going to make me such the zombie survivor? I learned to avoid people when they’re still alive. Hands not idle but sore, sexy, and sorry for, well I’m here. Shouldn’t I make a list of my crimes, but that’s the thing, isn’t it. I don’t want to survive; I want to live.

Horny never helps though. If there is any consolation, with all this pain I’m feeling at the present moment; I can’t think about sex. Not saying I would turn it down but that should show you how much this hurts. Hips, Legs, all the way down to my toes, how I stood at all today is a miracle. I got up early to read today. I’m two minutes away from crawling into bed and going back to sleep, much like I did this morning after the book. Health is everything isn’t it Lady Lu. Yes B III has better health care than me because he has me and he’s alive.

How about if I only try living. Am I going to break off into some positive phase like once upon a time? All I know is that today sure as hell ain’t that day, only I’m not dying. I’m not getting arrested, one more miracle right, I’m Staying Alive Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 249 ~Will’s Insatiable To Addiction~

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“Love” is a disease and “Lust” is a drug but which is more expensive; I would say I don’t pay for porn but I’m an addict, not a liar and anything stronger may rip me apart, something about last week’s heart and private. Will’s Insatiable To Addiction

Thursday, March 7, 2019

Episode 249 ~Will’s Insatiable To Addiction~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
How To Make One Million Dollars, I’m sure The Purge Series did way more than that, GTA, Gun, of course, zombies. Sometimes even I yearn for moments of peace. Okay not with zombies, I would live in a full zombie apocalypse but until then, a brothel.

Sex is the only thing I can never get enough of ever. Today, disgusted at yet another release and all it took was three sets of boobs. The thing is I want more of those boobs and even more in general. If it wasn’t that fantasy of those tits, then it has to be, of the two girls in stockings on their knees sucking me off.

Wait there are three pairs here, and that right there shows how greedy I am. The white “would”belong to the cosplayer. Dirty Diana if I joined the Patreon of every cosplayer I ever wanted. My Sweet Lord, help me if I ever publish and make it big. Like the mess I made, the pain in my head (big one not little one) life in general.

My motivations talk about you have to figure out what you want, and that’s easy. I want to write books, gain property, build a brothel, love hotel, movie studio. As I’ve said before all my moves go towards that goal, dare I call it my purpose? Not my reason, no that’s to provide a life for my son, and I never want to be scared again. I would buy “Indiana Gone” her farm, finally get “Cherry” to take her clothes off, hire “M Anime” for my restaurant. Not sure what “Okay” wants but she would be free to do it; If I Were A Rich Man. Now that’s the rub, to feed one addiction, I have to let go of the other. I give up LUST in exchange for GREED, SLOTH for PRIDE, and ENVY for GLUTTONY, what about WRATH?

It frightens me what people think; I don’t hate women. Okay, I hate certain ones, but that has nothing to do with sex. If anything, I hate myself most of all and an inch below my father. Dirty Diana, that’s why I hate jacking off because that’s giving myself pleasure I don’t deserve. When it comes to certain women, I guess when they show they care in the slightest I have to go all out for their pleasure. Only I need them to see the real monster. No, I didn’t mean my dick alone, but more this beast that never sleeps. Who feeds, feasts, and fornicates and like a drug, he needs a steady supply. I wonder why I was searching up the Brainbuddy App again, Will’s Insatiable To Addiction.

I Will Have No Fear